Work Text:
Dirk stared at the paper in front of him. The blank page supposed to be therapeutic. Ever since the game ended he’d taken the advice from others to see a counselor. The only thing that seemed to happen when he did the exercises was him end up loathing himself more. Especially with this one.
The purpose was to prove he wasn’t all bad he just had to write down the nice things he discovered about himself. He had written down the bad filling up a page front in back. And he knew it was true. He was controlling. He was manipulative. He badgered. He lied. He clung. He was spiteful. He was abusive. What good could counteract just those few qualities?
It didn’t seem like any could.
Living with Roxy and Jake had its perks. They helped him out even if after their relationship Jake was a little quick to dart off away from Dirk when Dirk got in a mood. Roxy was quick to try and help him work his feelings out and help him voice them. She honestly helped him more than the therapist.
Roxy and Jake had also many times said good things about him, things he once beilieved. Hell he had them open on his chum handle now. Old logs from before the game. Roxy calling him sweet. Jake calling him intelligent. But how was he these good things when all he could see after the game was that he had fucked up.
He’d hurt Jake. He’d clung to Jake and controlled him. He sent him a robot that could have killed him easily had it went offline. He’d manipulated Jake, tried to make him feel similar to how Dirk felt about himself.
He’d hurt Roxy. Turning her down before the game then when they went trickster kissing her. Playing with her heart by acting indifferent. He’d failed her trying to be everywhere then when they died on the sacrificial slabs he couldn’t even protect her. He’d been sent to the outer ring and couldn’t even travel fast enough to save her. He couldn’t protect her.
He’d taken Jake from Jane. Jane and Jake could have worked out. And while Jane nor Jake would talk about what had been said between them in the cells on Derse Dirk had a feeling that had terminated their relationship chances too. But he’d hurt Jane and didn’t try to stop her from hurting Jake.
He’d hurt Dave, a brother he didn’t even know by beating him up. Harassing him and ‘training’ him. He could have killed Dave and nearly did. He destroyed the kid’s psyche before the game could touch him. And Dave had respected him when they met. He didn’t deserves Dave respect.
The game had nearly failed and it was his fault. But so was everything. After all he was just a puppet with cut strings. He’d never been in control. He’d been a pawn. An unlit stick of dynamite ready to terminate his friends and the session before it began. All he need was a match.
But that wasn’t necessarily true anymore now he was deviating from the path he started. He was trying to fix things before things got to the point he was hurting those around him more. Jake would sit with him alone now. Jane came over and helped him bake a cake for Roxy’s birthday. Dave had a mix session with him, lip syncing it out and letting him show him how to improve his raps.
He’d hurt them but they hadn’t abandoned him. Just like he didn’t abandon them.
He looked at the paper, he’d found the quality that evened out all the bad he was. He was manipulative, scheming, abusive, controlling. But he was Loyal. His friends held above even himself. He’d protect them in any way he could. He was remorseful. He was trying to fix wrongs he’d made without creating more. Repair the bridges one stone at a time.
He put the pen to paper and quickly scrawled the word on there. It wasn’t a complete redemption for what he’d done. It but it did make it easier to know. No matter what he’d put their safety and protection before his. As a Prince’s duty to his people, he would protect them before he went after them with intent to harm.