Chapter Text
Anne: And what did we learn, Marcy?
Marcy:
Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.
Anne:
Is something burning?
Marcy: My burning love for you of course!
Anne: …
Marcy: …
Marcy:
And the kitchen is on fire…
Sasha:
Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk.
Marcy:
Go the fuck to sleep Sasha.
Sasha:
Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?
Marcy:
I don't dab. I stab.
Marcy:
You know I think my life has value.
Sasha:
Who are you and what have you done with Marcy?!
Anne:
How did you break your leg?
Marcy: Do you see those porch stairs?
Anne: Yes.
Marcy:
I didn't.
Anne:
Marcy and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us.
Sasha: What did you do?
Anne: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and-
Marcy:
*walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?
Anne:
Why is there blood everywhere?
Sasha: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Anne: You stabbed someone?!
Sasha:
No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.
Sasha:
Here are two pictures. One of them is your bedroom, and the other is a
garbage dumpster. Can you tell which is which?
Anne:
Anne:
This one is the dumpster.
Sasha:
They’re both your bedroom.
Anne:
You saved me! Why?
Sasha:
People would think I murdered you if I didn't.
Sasha:
Do you have any skeletons in your closet?
Anne: Literally or figuratively?
Sasha:
I have to specify?
*Sasha comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Anne’s bedroom.*
Anne:
Babe, are you.. coming to bed?
Sasha:
No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.
Sasha:
*Lies on the ground and falls asleep*
Anne:
...
Sasha:
When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Sasha lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!
Anne:
So Marcy, how did your first time cooking dinner go?
Marcy: Pretty good if I do say so myself.
Anne: Oo! Okay, what are we having?
Marcy: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato.
Anne: A whole potato?
Marcy: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches!
Anne: These just look like big slabs of black.
Marcy: Because that's what they are!
Marcy: And then for desert, we have chocolate.
Anne:
These are just chocolate chips?
Marcy: They sure are!
Marcy: And then for drinks, we have toast!
Marcy:
*lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!
Anne:
How would you like to live forever?
Marcy:
I'd hate it. Shut the fuck up.
Sasha:
I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Anne: Wow. They sound stupid.
Sasha: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Anne: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Sasha: I guess you’re right. Hey Anne, I love you.
Anne: See! Just say that!
Sasha: Holy fucking shit.
Anne: If that flies over their head then, sorry Sasha, but they're too dumb for you.
Sasha:
Anne.
Marcy:
What’s up? I’m back.
Sasha:
I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead
Marcy:
Death is a social construct.
Anne:
Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!
Marcy:
Anne, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.
Anne:
It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!
Sasha:
...It was a bug.
Anne:
It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!
Marcy:
...
Sasha:
...
Anne:
Stop looking at me like that!
Marcy: I’m not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I’m not passionate about.
Sasha: What are you passionate about?
Marcy: Sleeping.
Anne: What do you want for breakfast?
Sasha: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN.
Marcy:
Marcy:
She wants eggs.
Anne:
Having two partners is both amazing and complicated. But all our problems are solved with communication.
Sasha: It’s my turn to cuddle Marcy.
Anne:
FIVE MORE MINUTES DAMMIT!
Anne:
When I get Doordash I order 20 Cheeseburgers at a time and heat them up throughout the week so that I don’t have to pay the delivery fee multiple times.
Marcy: I hope you understand how food poisoning works.
Anne:
I hope food poisoning understands how I work. I never met a burger i couldn’t eat.
Marcy:
You can't wake up if you never got to sleep.
Marcy:
I have a problem.
Anne:
If it's harder than 2+2, I can't help.
*The Trio using an Ouija board*
Sasha: Tell us… Is there a spirit in this house?
Spirit, through the board: YES.
Anne: Great! Rent is due on the first of the month.
Marcy: Oh, and movie night is on Friday if you want to hang out.
Spirit:
WAIT, WHAT—
Anne:
*casually taking four stairs at a time*
Marcy, falling behind, taking two stairs at a time:
Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-
Marcy:
Anne, take out the trash.
Anne: Sure, Sasha, will you go out on a date with me?