Work Text:
Summary:
Five times Wille sent Simon a stuffed animal and the one time he didn’t.
Or
While on his first diplomatic tour, Wille sends Simon stuffed animals.
-
Simon's limbs are exhausted, heavy from his anchoring bones that keep him sinking into his childhood mattress. He can feel his under eyes are swollen and heavily crusted. With every blink, the particles of genetic sand uncomfortably roll between his heavy lids and his parched, redden corneas. His deep browns in a drought, cracked with strained veins, from when the dams holding back all his watering pain, broke. Unleashing all he had been harboring inside the last few months before and after their graduation. All the hours he had silently chanted a prolific amount of varying mantras to keep himself strong.
That it was fine.
That he could do this.
That he had to be ridged.
That he could not let himself show any shed of faltering emotions.
That he had to be the wall to keep his boyfriend from falling.
That if he crumbled, Wille would crumble with him.
If he buckled under the pressure, showing he couldn’t handle this, Kristina would find another reason to get rid of him.
To berate, belittle, and hurt him.
He had been so, so, so, strong…..
Months before they were set to graduate, Wille was informed he’d be immediately embarking on a diplomatic tour for six whole months as soon as graduation celebrations were completed.
He had come to their dorm room with low shoulders and a hanging head of amber hair, devastated by the news. Simon’s hands were drawn to the need to coddle his love back into the light from the shadow for which he was held in at the time. Then, once settled in each other's safe grasps, Wille broke down into a chorus of choking sobs that gripped at Simon’s heart and told the one person he loves most in this world what was expected of him come the end of their high school years.
Wille cried and strangled out verses that reminisce of prophecies that if he went off to foreign lands and left what they had behind, Simon wouldn’t be where he would have to kiss him goodbye when he would get to come back to kiss him hello. Simon rejected all of those false pretenses with solid truths and devotion to their relationship, to his boyfriend.
Simon couldn’t cry at that moment. There wasn’t even gloss upon the windows to his soul, for his internal being was too busy projecting calmness, love, and structure for his trembling home. He had to be an unwavering foundation for this unpredictable earthquake. A natural disaster called Kristina that he refused to let shake them up and see them collapse into rubble.
Together they built themselves a house.
Together they stand and together they will never fall.
One the glue the other the structure.
They switch when needed and knew exactly when to.
One and the same.
As if nature intended for them to be together from the start.
So after they had thrown their sailor hats and Wille picked him up with arms securely around his waist, off from the ground, and kissed him on the mouth, they went to the lunch orchestrated by Hillerska.
It was odd seeing her majesty sitting next to his mama with such friendliness. In the back of Simon’s mind, he wondered if Kristina was so nice and joyful over the hype of a possible breakup on the horizon. He wasn’t sure but by the way, Wille held his hand and refused to let go for anything, he was sure Wille was sensing the same. They both subconsciously sat taller and presented themselves as a couple meant to marry in the future. Hanging off each other and composing exchanges of pure unadulterated doting. Love between them, sickening, they were sure. By the end of the lunch, Linda had at least a hundred photos of them being soulmates. Simon getting a kick of out his mother taking their picture unapologetically and gushing loudly every now and then. Each time, leaning over into Kristina’s space and showing her how proud she is of them. Him also having a very hard time containing his smirk while watching Kristina’s face become paler and paler with each picture Linda came over to show her.
At some point towards the end, Wille wiped his mouth of invisible crumbs and got up with Simon, hand in hand. He had excused them both and Kristina was less than pleased when Wille ignored her protest. Even more so, when Linda grabbed her forearm with the strength only a Latino mother could have and guided the Queen of Sweden back down into her seat. The shock on her face was unbelievably stunning and Simon had to put his other hand over his mouth from laughing out uncontrollably.
When they were just past the threshold of the dining hall, Simon got a quick glace of his mother continuing her boasting of her sons being cute boyfriends. Yes, her sons, as Wille over the years has become her son, and as Wille will be here her son-in-law one day. At least… that's how she had put it.
She had taken care of Wille multiple times when he was sick, drove them to multiple dates, and even washed his clothes on many of occasions. Most weekends, despite Simon and Wille both sharing a Hillerska dorm room, stayed over at Simon’s.
He remembers the first time Wille truly got really, really, sick. Usually, he was pretty healthy and it was Simon that fell ill. Wille would take Simon home and help Linda make spiced soup and lemon ginger tea. He’d even cuddle up with him and read long books like Dune until the medicine kicked in. He never got sick no matter how close they got, Simon would weakly fight against Wille sharing cootie kisses, and still, he’d come out perfectly fine. But no, not this time, Wille was on death's door it seemed like.
Getting the flu after the rowing team decided it was a good idea to run in Fall’s rain. Simon had cussed him out in Spanish for doing something so incredibly stupid and Wille shrugged it off with shivering, sopping, shoulders.
He went to morning class completely fine and Simon rolled his eyes at that, of course, he wouldn’t get ill. However, despite Wille seeming totally healthy at workies, he didn’t make it to their last class. He and Simon had gone separate ways when study hall was up. Departing with a hug and promises that they would meet up at the next class. Wille stated he need to use the bathroom and walked off down the hall. The first of many signs that Wille wasn’t feeling well and hiding it surprisingly wasn’t him needing the bathroom or the fact that he didn’t show up for class, it was the fact he didn’t kiss Simon goodbye.
He should’ve known better.
He hadn’t caught the discretion until he stood frozen in the doorway of the classroom, eyes burning a hole at where Wille told him he’d be.
Simon also didn’t attended that class as he retreated from the room and marched towards Wille’s dorm. At the time, Simon hadn’t moved in yet, Wille was lobbying him to though and it took a long while before Simon finally agreed to it. So, to “Wille’s” dorm he went and-
Maling wasn’t presented at his door and Simon swiftly turned back around to run to the bathroom Wille had retreated to earlier, and there she was outside of it. Her head darted to his quick steps and didn’t say a word when his concerned sweating face met her stone one.
He darted inside and found the only occupied stall. What startled him was that there was no sound coming from the locked inside. Simon fell to the floor to hopefully peak inside and found his boyfriend on his knees, leaning completely unconscious over the bowl.
With the help of Malin and his frantic command, they got him out and back into bed. Wille’s skin burned like the sun and once awake, was very needly. He refused to let Simon go and Malin had to be the one to get things for him.
When the sun finally came down, Simon had to leave, he waited up until the last bus would come. It worked out as by the time he had to go Wille was finally sleeping “peacefully.”
He shrugged his orange straps on and with furrowing brows watched his love wheeze asleep.
When he got home and explained to his worrying mother why he had skipped and was home so late, her anger turned to a whole nother notch.
“You left him at school!?” She yelled appalled in Spanish and Simon retorted back weakly, “He’s got Malin…”
She shook her head and dropped her full laundry basket to start giving orders, never once breaking from her commanding native language, Simon following her every order.
Keys. Purse. Glasses.
They got into the car and once they got to Hillerska, stopped the car abruptly and got out. She marched into Forest Ridge and Simon couldn’t believe her.
Malin was just as shocked to see her so late in the night.
Her nurse background was not questioned and when the back of her hand touched Wille’s forehead, she cursed, actually cursed with a shake of her hand. Her dark eyes pointed in disappointment at her son.
They wrapped Wille in his blanket and Malin carried him to the car in agreement he needed proper care.
She sat up front with Linda and listen to her rant while Simon cuddled a confused, fever high, Wille.
That was the start of Linda being a protective mother to Wille.
“It’s not just about him getting the right care Simon. When you’re sick you also need the people you love to be there for you too. That’s what really helps you heal, remember that.”
She couldn’t stand the thought of Wille suffering alone and neither could Simon, he just didn’t think he could bring him home with him. But after that, there was no question that he would from now on. God forbid if he didn’t…
His mother knew how to protect them against Kristina and would always play the “let’s be friends” as Kristina couldn’t fight that in fear of a public scandal.
They walked hand in hand into the forest to their spot at the lake. The silence was nice and Simon only made it better when he told Wille he loves him. Wille kissed him like they did all those years ago and reciprocated his confession. The lake was probably warmer than when Wille had laughed about it being cold. Stopping at the edge of the pitiful licking waves, Wille pulled him into a hug. He loved it here, not necessarily a hiding spot and not necessarily a private spot, but theirs all the same.
After taking a sweet moment to just hold onto one another Wille pulls away and takes both of Simon’s hands in his. Him resting his pale forehead on his tan one. Their eyes matching the others gaze.
“Simon?”
“Yes.”
The trees rustle with a calm almost summer breeze and more of the lake ripples on the shore. Simon searches Wille’s windows for answers to his hesitation and finds only determination beyond them. His heart rises and he can’t place as to what reason his body is becoming suddenly nervous and anxious.
“Do you…..?”
“Do I……..?”
Wille sighs to put ease on his heart and licks his lips before letting go of one of Simon’s hands to reach for something in his front blazer pocket. He digs in there with two fingers but all his attention never left Simon.
“Do you want to be with me forever?”
“F-forever?” Simon startles on the heavy realization on what Wille could be implying and suddenly Wille’s fingers are retreating out of his pocket with a shake of his amber hair, “Nevermin-”
Simon grabs his hand from leaving his pocket without the thing, the ring, waiting inside, and shakes his head.
“Wille, I want to be with you until for infinity.”
Wille’s dropped expression freezes and suddenly he is choking up a relieving laugh. Then pulls out what he’s been hiding to show Simon what he’s really asking. Simon cups that one hand presenting the ring in worship. His eyes examine it and he darts his wide eyes back to Wille.
“This-”
“Yeah…”
“But- but I couldn’t. Wille….”
Wille takes Simon’s left hand and slides a ring way too big for him on the wedding finger.
“It’s just a promise ring, my love. This is my promise that I will return to you and when I do…” He adjusts the ring to properly sit on Simon’s thin tan finger, “I’ll put my own engagement ring here.”
Simon can’t breathe at the responsibility just given to him, sitting on his finger is Erik’s insignia ring. Wille kisses his temple and that breaks him completely into a mess of rolling tears.
“I trust you, Simon.”
He whispered into his curls and now it was this time for Wille to the glue and him the withering structure.
Simon cried all the way home and Wille kissed him the whole ride there.
Wille was given one night with Simon before he was scheduled to leave for six months. Honestly, he wasn’t given the chance to be with Simon, he fought for it and he’d be damned if anyone tried to stop him from being with his love for one last night.
And here they were, Simon on his stomach in bed and Wille beside him holding his teddy bear, trying to cheer him up.
“He needs more friends.” He comments and Simon blinks at his cheerfulness. “Would you want more friends?” Wille asks the bear with a cute voice and Simon finally cracks a small smile when Wille catches his lip slightly upturns. He wraps the bear into his arms and rolls over so their nose touch. “Would you like more stuff animals?”
Simon rolls his eyes playfully, “I just want..” His smile drops and Wille continues to smile at him.
“I know Simme. I want to take you with me but,” He rubs his lily nose up the tan bridge, “You start college soon. I can’t take that from you.”
“I know…” Simon answers disgruntled and Wille kisses his nose, “We’ll keep in touch and call every day, I promise. I will make time for you no matter where I go, no matter how far.”
“I love you, Wille.”
“I love you too, my love.”
1
Istanbul
Juni
“Simon you got a gift!” Linda sings from the kitchen when she hears the front door close, signaling to her that Simon has returned from work. The house smells of hot cooking and Simon groans from the heat he just endured outside. “Mama, what are cooking?”
“Stew!”
Simon cries internally, he loves her but damn he is literally melting on the inside. He drops his work bag at the door and goes towards the bathroom, “I’m going to take a shower!” He announces as that is what you do when three people share one bathroom. Shrugging off his shirt at the washing machine his mother is suddenly at the end of the hall with a spatula. She appears out of nowhere in his peripheral view and jumps like a frightened cat.
“Mama!?” He screams out in shock and she points towards his room sternly. “What?” he asks and she motions to his room again, “You. Have. A. Gift.”
Simon rolls his eyes in irritation and stomps into his room, “I can’t even take a damn shower-”
He stops when his eyes see his “gift.”
“One of Wille’s personal security dropped off this little guy. It came with a letter, I left that on your desk, love.” She kisses his temple and leaves his room to continue cooking.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
With shaking fingers, Simon reaches for the letter that's addressed to,
My Heart & Soul
Tearing into the envelope he opens the letter and begins to read with Wille’s voice inside his head.
Dear Simme,
As you know from our calls and texts, I’m in Istanbul! Simon, you’d love it here, there are so many stray kitties!!!! You can’t turn a corner without running into one! I want to take them all home and you remember, Hannah, my stylist? Well, she’s been getting real upset with me lately because I keep picking up the cats or they rub up against my pant leg and get their hair or murder mittens on my outfits. I put some cat hair in the envelope so you could have some too! Anyway, I may not be able to bring one of these pretty babies with me but I can at least buy you a stuffed animal of one! Aren’t they so cute!!! The black one is you because Felice says you have black cat energy and I’m the other one because of my hair! I hope you like our babies, baby.
Miss you with all my heart,
Your Prince,
Wille
Simon’s breath hitches and spots on the white paper start to darken from where his tears took a gravitational leap off his face and onto the paper. Sniffing he attempts to rub his eyes clean and puts folds the letter away. He gets to his knees and pets the cat Wille said was him. Then a familiar smell hits him….
Wille had sprayed the adorable kitties with his cologne…..
Yeah… Simon might’ve cried in the shower until his mother banged on the bathroom door, telling him dinner was ready. He dries off and puts on one of Wille’s hoodies, light cream colored with a funny heart mascot. He eyes the tan cat and with raw eyes, picks him up, separating him from the black cat then stuffs him into the front pocket. The round head sticking out of one of the holes to say hello. Linda says nothing and neither does Sara when he finally sits down to join them.
2
Juli
Australia
Dear Simme,
I’m in winter can you believe it! I forgot though we are in summer in Sweden it is winter here in Australia. They gave me my coat before exiting the plane and said I didn’t need it, boy was I wrong! Had to act like I wasn’t freezing in front of the Prime Minster! Don’t be mad at me please, I haven’t gotten sick yet and I am wearing a coat now. Okay, baby? I promise!
We also got to go Australia Zoo! I met Robert Irwin, ya know, the crocodile hunter’s son! He was super friendly and showed us all over the zoo personally! I have to take you in the future! That’s where I got this little mama! It’s you and Linda!
God, I miss you two so much! I can’t wait to come home to you and hold you, and kiss you.
Your Soulmate & Prince,
Wille
3
Augusti
Okinawa
Dear Sweetheart,
On the way back from Mainland Japan we stopped at Okinawa. It’s gorgeous here and the food is unbelievable!!! We went to an aquarium here and it’s apparently one of the biggest in the world! They had two whale sharks!!!! They were absolutely massive but one of the most gorgeous animals I’ve ever seen. I think Felice is wrong, you are a whale shark Simme, so I got you one. I wish you could’ve seen them with me, I wish you could’ve been here with me.
I promise to take you around the world with me one day.
You’re future husband,
Wille
“Future husband?” Sara asks from over Simon’s shoulder where she is also reading the letter with him and he jumps away from her so she can’t read anymore. “What the hell are you doing!?”
She shrugs while drinking her coke zero, “Wondering where all these new stuffed animals are coming from. I thought you and Wille broke up after he left.”
“You what, what why you think that!?” He questions in disbelief and Sara answers, “That’s what the tabloids are saying and we don’t talk anymore so…”
Simon shakes his head in disgust, “No. Wille and I haven’t broken up.”
“But you two are getting married?” She tilts her head and Simon glares at her prying, “It’s none of your business.” He sneers and checks her shoulder before retreating to his room. All his happiness from Wille’s kindness completely rubbed from him raw.
He puts the letter with the rest in a safe-locked box and decides to curl up with the body-length whale shake. Burning his nose in its soft pattern to find that Wille once again sprayed the animal with his cologne, instantly bringing him peace and then to sleep.
4
September
USA
Dear Simme
When I arrived in D.C. I was really confused, there were a ton of people in the airport and there was traffic but as soon as we got towards the museums and White House, Simme, it was a ghost town. One or two cars parked or driving and maybe a few walking around, but otherwise nothing! It was crazy and made me very anxious. But I met with the president and vice president briefly and then had some time to myself. Well, I did until Alex Claremont-Diaz found out I was in his home. Apparently, no one told him I was coming and last minute flew from NYC to “see” me. I say, “See me” because he actually kidnapped me and drove us to something called a State Fair.
He wanted me to get the full American experience and culture. He filled me up with fried food and we went on rides that made Malin pale once I was on them. It was crazy and though the whole was a huge security risk, I would love to bring you here as well. Unfortunately, Henry couldn’t make it, which is crazy, because I’m actually related to him distantly, but whatever…
Oh! Yeah, the rabbit! So at this fair, if you're not eating or trying to get sick on the rides, there are little games you can play to win prizes. Me and Alex might’ve got competitive over who could be the better boyfriend and spent way too much money in order to get prizes for you and Henry. All I’m going to say is, I got screamed out by Mom. But, I won and that’s all that matters!
Alex said he felt like a bad American for losing and said that I could be an honorary American for winning.
I had a really good time! Though the greasy food did come to get me later that night….
When I take you one day, I’m definitely taking you on the Scrambler! Hehehehe…
I love you and I hope college is treating you well darling. Only a few more months to go before we can be together again! I’m going to hug you and spin you around when I get my hands on you!
Your honorary American boyfriend,
Wille
5
Oktober
England
Simon watches the multi-colored leaves die and fall from the hanging tree limbs above in a somber tone. He missed him. Five months have passed already and the sadness is starting to get to him again. It comes and goes. Today has just been harder than others for him.
He decided to walk home from work today, the morning rain done with, leaving the damp cold behind. He adjusts Wille’s scarf around his chin and takes a deep breath of the crisp fresh air. Tilting his head towards the grey cloudy sky he closes his eyes to take a moment of peace.
He wants him home.
Work and school breath at his neck and all he wants is to be in his arms. To be kissed and go on a fun date. To laugh with him, eat with him, and just be able to touch him.
He wants his home.
Simon snaps his eyes open when something freezing splashes onto the tip of his nose and finds a droplet from the leaves has graced him.
It was cold.
He opens sluggish trugs up his driveway and rubs the back of his hand to clean his dripping nose. The closer he gets the more he can see that someone is standing on his porch, waiting. At first his heart races then immediately falls when he can see it’s one of Wille’s personal security holding another “gift”.
A green bag is handed to him and they leave to their back sleek car. Simon sighs and scrambles for his key to open the front door. He takes off his heavy grey coat and falls onto the couch with his present. He removes the also bright green tissue paper and finds a tiny little green frog prince waiting for him, along with a letter.
Kiss me
I’m Really
Prince Charming
Simon chuckles a little at how the letter is addressed to him and shakes his head. He starts to open the envelope and gives the frog on his lap attention.
“If I kiss you, will, Wille come home to me?” He asks it and the prince that is trapped as a lowly frog stares up at him.
Dear Simme
I’ve made it to Great Britain! I’m so close to home I can taste it! I’m sorry my love but I don’t have much time to sit and write to you. They got really booked here, I’m so so so sorry!!!! But I love you and I hope you love Prince Charming as well!
With all my heart,
Your Prince,
Wille
Simon drops the letter in his hands and takes a long deep breath with closed eyes.
One more month.
One more month.
One more month.
One. More. Month.
6
November
Norway
“Simon, welcome home, love!” Linda greets him from the living room and Simon doesn’t say anything back. He’s exhausted, hungry, and feels like he’s being pulled in every direction known to man. It was finally November and Wille hasn’t texted him back once. If it wasn’t for social media he’d think something had happened to him. Maybe something did and now…. Now Wille is thinking of breaking up with him…
A sting pierces his heart and he rubs at his chest as Wille had taught him when things become way bigger than you think they really are.
He can’t help but think that after this month is over and Wille returns home, he will come to his house demand for Erik’s ring, and tell him it’s over. That time apart enlightened him and realized they shouldn’t be together because he rather be alone.
Simon doesn’t want that, he still loves him so much, more than life itself. Misses him so much it weighs him down. So much to the point work sent him home earlier for the third time thinking he was sick, he is sick, lovesick.
Lovesick over a boy who might not love him anymore….
Linda grabs his upper arm and shuffles him to the living room and presents him with one of Wille’s gifts for the month. Simon’s tired eyes scan the giant teddy bear laying limply on the couch and can’t help his eyes from watering again.
He’s stronger than this!
Linda hands him an envelope with a huge smile and he shakingly takes it with weak hands.
To My Fiancee
Simon exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding at the words.
To
He traces the handwritten pin with his finger slowly….
My
His….Wille’s…..
Fiancee
To be married…. Wille still wants to marry him…
His mother’s hand rubs his spin when she whispers to him, “Simon…,” she urges him to open the letter and he does with care.
Dear My Simme,
I love you.
I’ve loved you since I first laid my eyes on you.
Since I first heard your beautiful voice.
I loved you even before I meet you.
Because were Soulmates….
I love you, Simon Eriksson.
Your Future Husband,
Wille
Simon sniffs and rubs his eye of tears, “I miss him mama….”
“I know baby…” She tries to soothe him and he can’t hold back the tears. He walks away from her toward the life-size teddy bear and reaches out to touch it. Suddenly, the stuffed bear comes to life and wraps Simon in a warm hug. Simon’s heart does a bunch of crazy stops and goes off on harsh rapid beats. Then abruptly the bear gets up with Simon and lifts him off the ground to spin him around in the tight space. Linda cringes and hopes that bear won’t break anything in the process…
The whiplash of it all has the room spinning and once Simon is back on the ground has to readjust his vision.
What is going-
The cologne, the spin, the bear….
No.
No.
There's no way…!
Simon looks up at the bear's head and slowly cups the cheeks of soft fur.
“Wille?”
The bear tightens his hold around his back and Simon knows for sure. He lifts the head of the bear off and there underneath all the fluff is his one true love. Amber hair sticking to his forehead and a mess from being inside the custom for however long. Simon presses his tan hands to pale heated cheeks in awe that Wille is truly here.
“Hello, my love. Did you miss-”
Simon gets on his tippy toes and presses his lips to Wille’s before he can finish his sentence. The kiss is quick but harsh with a brief knocking of teeth when they meet in the middle. They pull and apart and Simon demands, “We are never being apart for that long ever again!”
Wille laughs in agreement and nods his nose against Simons, “Well, you’ll hopefully be my husband the next time I have to go on such a long trip. Then I can take you with me.”
“I’d like that.”
They smile at each other sweetly and close their eyes to enter yet another slow kiss.
After Wille changes into regular clothes and having dinner with Linda they retreat to hide in Simon’s room. Simon comes in after him when he’s finished helping Linda wash the dishes and finds Wille staring at all the animals lined up and together.
“I love them all very much.”
“I’m glad.” Wille turns around and Simon walks straight into his arms. Simon missed being held and he’s sure by how tightly Wille has him, he’s missed it just as much. They stand there for a minute just listening to the other breathe and taking what they’ve been missing so much over these past few months.
“I kept it safe.” Simon breaks the silence and Wille hmm positively to him. “I knew you would Simme. Hold onto it for just a little longer, I don’t want to propose here.” He whispers into his curly hairline and Simon’s heart skips a beat, cheeks heating up. “Okay, I will, for as long as you need me to.”
“Thank you, Simme. I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Wille.”