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April 9th.
“Happy birthday Tommy!” Phil exclaimed whilst holding a cake up to Tommy’s face, Tommy smiled as he blew out the flickering candles. Wilbur, Kristin and Phil cheered as the candles went out.
“I am officially 16! You guys have to call me ‘big man Tommy’ now as I am not a child!” Tommy bursted out, his excitement and joy brought happiness and smiles all around. The three sat round the living room watching Tommy open his presents, Kristin taking photos as he gasps to each gift he receives. The rain pours, the lightening bangs but nothing could ruin this core memory. True happiness.
The last core memory of Tommy’s childhood.
It was getting late at this point and Tommy was not ready to say goodbye to his special day. Wilbur was leaving to go back to university the next day. Part of Tommy didn't really want the day to end because then it would delay Wilbur’s goodbye , he wouldn't be seeing him for the next few months. Wilbur came down for Tommy’s birthday. He had no classes Friday so he stayed until his next class which was starting Monday morning at 9am. Tommy hated when Wilbur wasn’t around. He was lonely a lot of the time. But Tommy was distracted during the last few months as his GCSES were coming up very soon.
Tommy sits in his living room watching a movie with his family. Until Phil pauses the noise and looks over at Tommy.
“Tom” Phil said with a monotone voice, it was like someone had come and sucked all the fun and happiness out of him for that moment. “Yeah?” Tommy was confused as he looked around to Wilbur who was just as confused as Tommy, he shrugged as Tommy hoped for an answer.
“You are 16 now. The working age in this country is 16, its time you look for one. As soon as possible. Im expecting you to have a job by the end of the school year. you’ll need something to do during the summer. As wilbur will not be here. You’ll also be owing us rent money. Now before you-“ Before Phil could finish what he was saying Tommy butts in screaming
“What!? What do you mean Wilburs not- I mean what!? Rent money!? Hows that fair!? Im your son!” Tommy so baffled beyond belief he didn't even care to hear his dad out. He left the room and went upstairs slamming his bedroom door shut.
“That went well” Kristin said with very obvious intent of sarcasm in her voice.
“Bit harsh don’t you think Phil? Couldn’t of waited until tomorrow? He's only just turned 16 give him a chance.” Wilbur shook his head at Phil as he got up to go speak to Tommy and explain in a more reasonable explanation.
Phil rolled his eyes, he felt guilty about how he had done it, but he had said to Wilbur the same way when he turned 16. He thought it would go the same way it did with him. He was wrong. Tommy was always the more sensitive one whereas Wilbur took things on the chin and rolled with them. Phil loved his sons however he forgets that they have different ways of reacting to certain things. Tommy’s was always rather overdramatic. Wilbur always knew how to handle Tommy’s outbursts, ever since they were young, Phil was never good at emotions and how to deal with them. They loved him either way, they knew their dad meant well but sometimes it came across as mean, or unreasonable.
Tommy sat on his bed aggressively tapping the phone screen he was talking to Tubbo about what had happened, Tommy tells him everything. He was his best friend. Will knocks on the door. “Tommy? Can I come in?”
Tommy knew the sound of Will’s voice, it was deep but light at the same time.
“Yeah sure.” Tommy looked at Wilbur as he walked in and shut the door behind him.
“Will.” Tommy looked at Will he was fiddling with his hands as he looked at the floor.
“What did Dad mean by ‘wilbur will not be here’?” Tommy begged he just misheard. But what he heard was right.
“Toms, i have been given to opportunity to stay at university over the summer to make some cool films for uni, this is huge for me, its a paying opportunity and i have said yes. So Phil's right. i wont be here this summer. I’ll be up at university until December.” Wilbur didn't want to make eye contact, he felt the happiness and joy die and turn into grief and sadness.
“Oh. Well done then.” Tommy sulked, his smile left his face as it fell into a pout. He looked to wilbur. He wanted to know why he was being charged rent, but he also wanted to know why? Why didn't he tell him sooner?
“Tommy, Phil charges rent because he wants us to be responsible with money and understanding why bills are important and why its not good to just go spend money just because you have it. Ive been paying rent since i was 16. Obviously not anymore since i don't live here anymore. But i did. Phil wont kick you out for missing fee days, but he is strict with consequences. He doesn't ask for much. Dont worry, you’ll be okay.” Wilbur finally decides to look at Tommy. Thankfully he wasn't looking back at Wilbur. There is a painful silence in the room. Tommy speaks up and finally asks,
“Why didn't you tell me? You know that you were staying?”
“Because i didn't want you to be upset, i didn't have the heart to tell you, i know we spend ours summers exploring and hanging out and it was hard for me to know I will be missing it this summer.”
Wilbur and Tommy make eye contact, suddenly will is met with arms around his neck, Tommy jumped into a hug,
“I will miss you wilbur. Please call me though.” Tommy didn't want him to know he was crying about his big brother leaving.
“I will miss you too Big man, and of course i will call you!” Wilbur held him tighter, he knew he was upset so he squeezed a laugh out of him.
Tommy laughs and screams as wilbur squeezes him and Tommy eventually pushes him
“Fuck off with that shit man” Tom wipes the tears from his face and chuckles some more.
The two have a sleepover downstairs and stay up most of the night watching different movies Wilbur decided to dhow Tommy.
They slept. The two woke up knowing that it was gonna be the last time they were gonna see each other in a very long time.
Tears were shed, kristin and Phil helped Will pack up his things into his car. Everything was set and ready for wilbur to leave. He hugged kristin and Phil goodbye. Tommy stood there trying to hold tears in but it was not working as tears were falling without Tommy knowing. “Awhhhh Tommy don’t cryy” Wilbur pulls Tommy in for a long hug.
“What? Im not crying” he sniffles and cries into his brothers shoulder.
“Sure sure.” Will smiles as he presses his head on top of Tommy’s golden hair.
“Can I come with you?” Tommy knows the answer. But it was still worth a try
“I wish you could king. But no.” Wilbur laughs as he releases Tommy from his grasp.
“Goodbye Tommy.” Wilbur says once more. He smiles and waves. Tommy says nothing. He just waves.
He watches Wilbur drive off
“Goodbye wilby…” tommy whispers as he wipes tears from leaving his eyes.
The next few days Tommy spent in his room revising for his exams, until Phil comes into his room.
“Hey tommy!” Phil smiles as he’s holding his laptop in his hands.
“Hey dad whats up?” Tommy sits up from his notes and looks at him.
“I have found a few job ideas for you! Now they aren’t exactly the most exciting but they’ll do for you.”
He turns the laptop around for Tommy. There are 4 options:
Cashier at a Tescos
Crew member at McDonalds
Dog walker for the local neighbourhood
Assistant librarian
None of these interested Tommy. He decided to apply for the Tescos job as it was the closest and he knew he could get a discounted meal deal.
He had to go through the whole costumer service test and he passed it! He was qualified for an interview. Now this was scary for tommy. luckily it wasnt scheduled until after his first few exams in May. Normally you have to be 18 to work at Tesco however, these jobs Phil showed him, phil knew the managers he ran multiple franchises. A month passes. Wilbur had not reached out to Tommy since april 11th , all he sent was a meme , Tommy responded but got nothing back from Wilbur. He didn't answer his calls, his texts. Nothing, Tommy started believing Wilbur had truly forgotten about Tommy. Today was Tommy’s interview. Still nothing from wilbur. For the millionth time tommy hopelessly typed to his brother.
‘I miss you. Are you okay?’
No response.
He knew wilbur was busy but surely not that busy he couldn't even find a day in the month to message his brother back?
Tommy got dressed smart ready for his interview.
This was the thing Tommy for scared about. He didnt tell anyone because he didnt want them to call him a baby. Tommy walked into the store and went up to the counter. Taking deep breaths and counting numbers in random orders, just like wilbur had taught him to when he felt scared. Wilbur used to use those methods to help calm Tommy down during his tantrums when he was younger…
10 years in the past. Tommy 6 and Wilbur 11
Tommy and wilbur were playing out in the garden when Tommy got scared of a frog landing on him.
“Hey tomsy its okay! Breath! In and out!” Wilbur held Tommys waist and showed him breathing in and out. It didnt work often so he tried something else.
“Hey toms repeat these numbers for me, can you do that? Please?” Wilbur pleads to tommy as he screeches
“Tommy what number is this!?” He points to the numbers that phil had chalked on their garden wall.
“W..w..one!” Little tommy repeats trying not to cry
“And this one?” wilbur continues to point to different numbers on the wall to distract Tommy’s mind from the thing that scared him.
“Three!”
Back in the present. Tommy counts in different orders and finally is met with a guy at the counter.
“Hey there can I help?” The man in blue asks with a blunt smile and very over the top voice.
“Hi I'm here for an interview?” Tommy sounds unsure if he is saying the right thing or not but he says it anyways. The man asks him for his name and then asks Tommy to follow him to the office.
Tommy felt his heart beating in his ears, he wanted to run. He wanted to hide and hear Wilbur’s voice. As much as he hates admitting it. Wilbur was tommy’s safe space ever since they were little.
Tommy hates this. He wants to leave, he's getting sweaty and cant control his breathing, he sees a glass door with black lettering saying ‘MANAGERS OFFICE’
He is greeted by two men. Both in black suits. Whilst Tommy is wearing his usual white and red shirt and blue jeans, he felt out of place. He did not belong there, maybe he didn't belong anywhere.
“Are you okay Tom? You look a little flushed?”
One of the men in suits asked Tommy.
“May i use your bathroom?” Tommy was only just able to get that out without going into full panic mode.
“Umm yes of course! Its just opposite out there.” The other man pointed. They looked confused but not angry. Unless they were and were just hiding it.
Tommy practically legged it out of that closed off, no window, box of a room. He shut the bathroom door and locked it. He fell to the floor. Head between his knees, panic mode. He needed wilbur to calm him down. But he wasn't there. He wasn't even online. Tom was alone. Tears fall down Tommy’s face as he pulls out for him phone. He decides to give wilbur another try. He calls his phone.
The ringing stops.
“Tommy?” A small tired voice responds
Tommy cannot bring out words, he cant breathe. Wilbur gets the hint.
“Tommy calm down. You’re okay. i swear. i’m so sorry ive been gone. Ive been so busy, filming and editing and showing you know how it is. Im so sorry toms. Go to your happy place tommy.”
Wilbur sounds devastated to hear his brother struggle to breathe.
Tommy closes his eyes and pictures Wilbur at home. Wilbur and him playing videos games and wilbur kicking Tommy’s ass at mario kart and letting him win every now and then.
“Tommy. Are you there?” Wilbur asks listening to his baby brother calm down.
“Wilby, i.. i cant do this. please come home. i need you. I cant do this. I dont want to do this without you.”
Tommy cries.
Wilbur sits there lost for words has tommy cries to him on the phone.
“Where are you king?” Wilbur asks as he hears people talking in the background.
“My interview for Tesco's. Its not going very well. i don't want to be here. i want to go home. But i want you there. I cant wait until December”
“You know that’s complicated, i cant just drop my work and come home. I will try figure something out okay? Tommy i need you to be strong for me okay. I need you to take big breaths and go into that interview and smash it. You are an amazingly, smart and talented boy and they deserve the know that, you deserve to succeed in whatever it is you desire. I believe in you Tomsy.”
Hearing wilbur call him ‘Tomsy’ was comforting in itself. He hadn't called him that since they were kids.
“I got this.” Tommy continues to breathe in and out.
“Yes you do king. i will keep my phone on just so you can call me whenever. I want you to call me again on e you smash this interview okay?”
“Okay wilbur. I will. Thank you.”
“I believe in you”
Tommy hangs up as he doesn't know what else to say. He wants to tell will he loves him but he's never done that before. As they've always had a playful brotherly relationship. They've never really had any comfort moments quite like this one.
Tommy gets up, washes his face off with cold water. And walks out. People do watch him as he finally emerges from the tiny bathroom. He walks into the managers office.
“Im sorry about that, i hope this doesn’t affect my interview?” Tommy hoped it would so he could just go home and try again another day.
Unfortunately, “nope! You are the last candidate today so we can start now! Take a seat Tom!”
‘For Fuck sake’ tommy thought to himself.
They spoke for a while, laughing, smiling until the end.
“Well tom! It has been amazing meeting you, and i can say you definitely stand a chance here, you have been nothing but responsive and knowledgeable! You would make a great member of our team! But we will let you know soon! Bye for now.” One of the men in suits said as they all stand up shaking Tom’s hand. Tom walks out, proud of himself. Until he finds his dad Phil standing outside the store waiting for him. He does not look impressed.
“Wilbur called. He said to check up on you because you were having a panic attack!? Tommy grow up.You aren’t a child anymore. Big brother wilbur is not gonna be able to save you because you have too big emotions. Pack it in. Let Wilbur be himself and enjoy his life. He doesn't need his little brother disrupting him every 5 minutes. Im sorry son but you need to get a hold of yourself.” Wilbur slightly regrets his choices of words but there was no going back on it now. Tommy looked to the floor and got in the car. Phil really didn't mean it how he said it. He loved his son more than anything in the world. He decided to take tommy out for his favourite take out place.
“Im sorry Tom you know i meant that respectfully but Wilbur has his own life. And so do you, you've got so much potential.”
“My interview went well.” Tommy said ignoring everything Phil had just said.
“Im glad to hear that! I am proud of you tommy.”
Phil says as he pulls to the drive-thru
Days pass. Tommy had been doing his exams and had completely forgotten to call Wilbur. He took on what Phil said, and decided not to call him at all. His dad was right. Will has his own life, he shouldn't get in the way of that.
It turns to months.
No contact with wilbur. Tommy started working at the Tescos in July after his prom. He worked everyday. Anxiety riddling through his body everyday. He goes to work shakey, and nauseous. He comes home and cries for hours reflecting on everything he said and did that shift.
He continues to hide how he feels in his mind, as that is the only place for them to go. Every night Tommy lays awake at night, staring at the ceiling. Just thinking. Wishing, for his brother to come through those doors. But he never did. He never called. He wondered why Wilbur never even thought to call, he was the one who asked Tommy to call him after his interview. Why wouldn’t he call to find out anyways? Maybe he didn’t care that much. Tommy faced his wall instead and closed his eyes, all he could imagine was Wilbur. After the phone call, laughing at him, making fun of him with his uni mates.
His intrusive mind couldn't have been further than the truth.
The day of Tommy’s interview
WILBUR’S POV
“Hey guys i will be back I've got an important phone call!”
*the phone call happens*
“Oh Tomsy.” Wilbur says to himself as he runs his hand through his hair. He messages Phil telling him to check up on Tommy because of his panic attack.
Wilbur went back to working on his project until his dad Phil rings him.
“Hey dad whats up! Hows tommy?”
“i want you to cut off contact with Tommy wilbur. Just for now.” Phil demands this and he wont take no for an answer.
“What why!?” Wilbur jumps in fear and confusion, he feels like he's being choked and his hearts being ripped out.
“Tommy needs to focus on his life, you feeding these delusions into his head. Instead of making him believe these ‘panic attacks ‘ are actually happening you need to leave him alone and let him grow up. If it weren't for you all these years babying him he wouldn't be like this.” Phil is shocked by his own words but he stands by them.
“Phil. Tommy’s anxiety is not something that he made up. Its real and it’s completely okay to be anxious i just want to help him feel better. i haven't done anything wrong. Tommy needs me.” Wilbur tries reasoning with him but nothing works.
“I find out you have had contact with him before you come home in December i will make sure you cant come back for December you hear me?”
“Fine.” Wilbur sighs, he can feel tears forming but he rubs his eyes and hangs up the phone.
Tommy.
Its November, tommy started college and is still working at Tescos. He has become more and more anxious. He is alone all the time. He's failing classes and not showing up for work. He locks himself in his room for hours on end. No one knows if he has actually eaten anything. Kristin calls wilbur, knowing the No contact rule between wilbur and tommy. She knows who can help tommy.
“Will honey?”
“Mum? Are you okay, you haven’t called me in a while…”
Ever since Phil rang Will no one dared to talk to Will incase he asked about Tommy, but kristin had had enough of this. Tommy deserves to be happy. She wants her son to be happy.
“Come home my love. Tommy’s so much worse. He wont talk to me, he wont eat, your fathers on the verge of kicking him out. Please.”
Kristin practically crying at this point. Wilbur knows his brother needs him. And now it was desperately necessary he go home.
Months before the phone call, wilbur’s friend Jack manifold showed him this website called ‘Twitch’ the films weren't really going anywhere and not a lot of money was actually being given to the uni students helping out. Jack taught Wilbur the ins and outs of streaming. By November wilbur knew stream-labs and everything there was to know about ‘Twitch’.
After the phone call, wilbur headed back home, whether phil liked it or not. Will thought about it whist he drove home.
‘What if i left uni and streamed from home?’ Wilbur had been streaming for a while at that point and was gaining decent revenue and viewers. He thought ‘tommy would love this, playing games all day.’ Then it hit him, ‘streaming could be what Tommy’s made for.’
Wilbur arrives home at 2am. He knocks on the door, kristin answers sneaking him in not to wake Phil.
“Where tommy?” Wilbur asks. He was so worried about him.
“In his room, he hasn't left there in days.” Kristin says as she watches will go up the stairs.
Tommy is still awake. However he is blasting music in his ears to hear the knocks on the door. Until the door handle moves, wilbur was the only one who knew how to lock pick Tommy’s door, as when they were younger Tommy used to lock himself in his bedroom and not know how to get out. Tommy’s heart almost flew out of his chest when he saw it moving open slowly. He pulled out his headphones. He saw a 6’5 figure standing there. He knew exactly who it was.
“Hi Tommy.” The figure whispers as he smiles, taking a few steps back to regain his balance after his little brother crashes into his arms.
“Wilby.” Tommy’s crying and is not afraid to show it.
The two collapse to the floor.
“Its okay tomsy, you’re safe, i have got you, and i am not going anywhere, never again, I'm not leaving you.”
The two stay like that all night. Phil finds wilbur home as the two brothers eat breakfast together, tommy gushing food down as if he had never eaten before. Phil doesn't say anything. He just whispers into will’s ear. “I am sorry. Thank you.”
Wilbur smiles and nods.
“Hey tommy. I have something i wanna show you. I think you’re gonna like this one, theres this website called twitch….”
Wilbur talks on and on eventually showing Tommy everything he needs to know. Months later tommy is able to leave his job. And is truly happy as a twitch streamer. Wilbur too. The brothers have their own offices and tommy’s anxiety lost.
Tommy beat his anxiety’s ass. I guess anxiety doesn’t always win. Wilbur never left Tommy. He was there whenever tommy called.
Anxiety lives within tommy, but Tommy has control over his anxiety. He will always win.