Work Text:
gama gama is gone now.
her home, the place she went with her parents, her friends, is gone. just like that, in the blink of an eye.
and she didn’t even get to say goodbye.
it’s her fault, isn’t it? she should’ve been more responsible as a director. “if there’s a will, there’s a way,” right? why couldn’t she just be better?
god, the tears make it hard to breathe.
why must the world screw her over again and again. she just wanted to say goodbye. why is it too late now? why didn’t she go sooner? she should have went sooner.
right, she was working. on that aquarium wedding proposal.
she laughs uncontrollably, sinking to her knees. man, the rough concrete on her skin hurts.
if only she went. took an hour out of her oh so busy day. maybe she could’ve rode her motorbike, or asked for a ride, or maybe— she doesn’t know— jog the entire way from tingarla to gama gama. maybe then, if she had just put in some more effort, it wouldn’t be like this.
maybe then, she would’ve gotten the chance to say goodbye.
that’s her problem, isn’t it? she doesn’t try hard enough? she tries her best, but it isn’t enough. it’s never ever enough.
she tried her hardest to save gama gama. she tried her hardest as a member of the sales department. she tried her best, her goddamned best on that wedding proposal. guided by nothing but rookie sales experience and a practically nonexistent vice-director. what was his deal anyways? she gave it to him to review before they went to the client, and he gave it the okay. and then he dares to scold her after the clients brings up things that she hasn’t properly considered? what kind of guidance is that? trial-and-error? was she supposed to be perfect from the first assignment? oh how she wished she was. maybe if she was perfect, the things could’ve been different.
if only she were
perfect.
kukuru grabbed her hair with her hands and pulled just enough to ground herself. her thoughts started to slow down as her mind registered the pain. looking up through teary eyes, gama gama’s ruins still laid in front of her as they were.
maybe if she squinted hard enough, she could still picture it standing. the small yet homely aquarium she had grown to love, standing perfectly in her mind’s eye.
she closed her eyes, letting the wind sift through her hair. it took the times and the memories along with it.
in her mind’s eye, she sees herself visiting gama gama for one of the first times. she darts from display to display, eagerly watching the fish swim while her parents look at her fondly from behind. why is she remembering this now? if she got superstitious, maybe it was a sign from above. that her parents will always be with her. that her family and friends will still carry on the memory of gama gama.
or maybe it was just her brain trying to keep her happy, even for just a moment.
and on this cold, windy night, kukuru kneels before her broken dream, a lifetime of memories, and how it was all brought down to nothing. she reminisces on the memories she has now, on all the memories she can only lose from here, and she can only cry.
——
(the next morning, her desk is empty. she can’t even bring herself to care.)