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There's just something really addictive about assuming, Hinata thinks.
That sounded pretty weird, especially since it was put that way, but it actually felt really nice anticipating the best in a situation that he isn’t sure about. It felt good reading into the littlest details and hints, feeling giddy about the possibilities imagined, and actually feeling that he stood a chance.
To be fair, he isn’t sure whether he's right or wrong with his assumptions anyway, so why not act like they're right until he's explicitly proven wrong?
(There was the risk of getting hurt badly, but Hinata does his best to ignore that.)
He was having fun anyway—he enjoys it when he feels the warmth slowly creeping from his neck to his cheeks, when his heart beats fast in anticipation, when he really can’t stop smiling just because of thinking of basically anything involving Komaeda. Hinata smiles when he thinks of Komaeda looking at him with those eyes that seem to sparkle with admiration, he smiles whenever Komaeda compliments him even if he doesn’t really believe that he's anything great, and he smiles especially when Komaeda says his name with that voice that never fails to cheer him up no matter what.
He was aware that he was in a rather dangerous position—he smiles because of Komaeda, he frowns because of Komaeda—Komaeda basically influences his mood heavily, and Hinata knows that once his assumptions turn out to be wrong, it wouldn’t end prettily at all.
But again, he isn’t sure about that, so for now, he's going to act and feel like he's right.
--
In his defense, Komaeda makes it really easy for him to assume.
Komaeda’s so kind to him, so attentive, and the look in his eyes whenever he talks to Hinata is so genuinely happy. He seems like he's happy just talking to Hinata, just being with Hinata—he feels those about Komaeda too, so why is it such a long shot to think that maybe Komaeda likes him back?
What makes those things different?
--
Hinata can still remember the first time they met.
That day, Hinata was excited, scared, nervous, mostly nervous, because really, he isn’t sure if he can actually mix with the Super High School Levels. What if someone finds out during the first week solely because his incompetence was so evident?
He taps the pocket of his pants to check if the keys for his dorm room that the academy assigned to him are still there. His nervousness gets very slightly alleviated, just slightly, when he feels the hard material of the keys inside, and he takes them out, ready to unlock the dorm room.
He wonders if his roommate was already inside. He wonders what kind of person his roommate is.
Is his roommate nice or an asshole? Is he neat or sloppy? Friendly or shy? Socially awkward or charismatic?
Hinata knows that it’s normal to be curious about the person that he's going to be living with from now on. That’s why, being reminded that he is indeed going to be living in Hope’s Peak’s Dorms, he becomes even more nervous and excited as he finally puts the key in the keyhole and promptly turns it. He hears a soft click, and his heartbeat starts to race the moment he puts his hand on the knob.
When he opens the door, there was already a person standing behind it, obviously about to open it as well but Hinata has beaten him to it.
That time—the moment he saw that person looking at him curiously with those almost innocent gray-green eyes, Hinata knew that he’ll fall deep.
--
Hinata won’t be as foolish as to claim that it was love at first sight, but one thing that he can actually declare for sure is that right from the start, there was already infatuation.
It was pretty much difficult not to.
Especially when Komaeda makes eye contact with him and seem to listen so closely to every little detail that Hinata might say, when he giggles almost every five seconds as if Hinata was such an amusing conversation partner—Hinata didn’t know that it felt so nice to have someone actually pay attention.
And aside from that, there was also Komaeda’s overall friendliness, even if he kind of borders on awkward at certain times, and Hinata finds his cheer so appealing… and contagious occasionally.
“Hinata-kun.” Hinata remembers Komaeda saying one time, probably around a month after their first day of school. “I'm so glad that you were my assigned roommate.”
Around only after a month, Hinata already was sure that his little infatuation became a rather impossible-to-ignore crush, and he can also remember that his heartbeat accelerated when he heard Komaeda say those words. “Yeah, I'm actually glad too… but where did this come from?”
“Well…” Komaeda looked almost shy, but he kept that smile on his face. “Hinata-kun is really nice… I'm not implying that our other classmates aren’t—oh, no, I wouldn’t imply something like that!—but I just… think that Hinata-kun is the nicest among our class. To end up being your roommate… I really am lucky, huh?”
Hinata thinks that he's actually the lucky one. And that’s saying something because Hinata would normally say that he's really unfortunate. “I'm not that nice, you know. But thanks. You're actually really nice yourself too. So I think I should be the one saying those words.”
“For Hinata-kun to think I'm nice…” Komaeda giggles with that usual airiness. “I'm really flattered. That means a lot. Thank you.”
“Okay, since we’re in this sappy mood already.” Hinata turns to fully face him, thinking of what he can admit right now without being too obvious about his attraction. “…Maybe I should say something too.”
Komaeda suddenly looks eager as he smiles even more. Hinata then feels pressured to actually reveal something deep upon seeing how eager Komaeda looked. “I really enjoy your company.”
“Really?” Komaeda blinks then giggles, his hand lightly covering his mouth as he does. Hinata feels like he needs to punch a wall to stop himself from sputtering into flustered nonsense. “I was actually worried that Hinata-kun was just politely tolerating me… You have no idea how much this makes me happy. Thank you.”
“Why would you think of something like that?” Hinata furrows his eyebrows. One thing that he noticed from a month of being Komaeda’s roommate and classmate is that he has the tendency to put himself down. “You really should give yourself more credit.”
“I don’t deserve that, but thank you, I appreciate it anyway.” Komaeda’s smile looks so natural, so good on him. Hinata kinda just wants to see him with that smile forever. “May I admit another thing, Hinata-kun?”
“Sure…” The pounding of his heart was so strong that he was legitimately worried that Komaeda would hear. “What is it?”
“I’d…” Komaeda lightly scratches the back off his head. Embarrassment is really evident in his face now, and Hinata wonders what it is that he's thinking about. “Well, see… this might be really disrespectful, so please feel free to call me out, but… I’d really like to consider Hinata-kun as my first friend… Is that okay?”
Hinata thought for a second that he was being rejected before he finally understood what Komaeda was actually trying to say. He doesn’t stop the small smile from gracing his features before he lightly grabs Komaeda’s hand and shakes it.
“Consider it done.”
The smile on Komaeda’s face that time was a permanent image in his memory, and he remembers it until the present time.
--
“This day is really boring, huh?” Hinata speaks as he allows himself to sit by the edge of Komaeda’s bed. He didn’t know that it was possible to be so comfortable with a person in just a span of two months. “What do you want to do right now? Play a game? Or something?”
“Is there a particular game that Hinata-kun wants to play?” Komaeda scoots to sit beside him. “I'm sorry that this day was boring. Maybe if I thought of something nice to do earlier…”
“Whoa, no, sorry, I wasn’t blaming you, okay? This day is just really bland as a whole. It’s not your fault.” Hinata immediately interrupts him before he continues that train of thought because that wasn’t what Hinata wanted to convey at all. “Anyway… you know how to play shiritori, right? Do you want to play that? Or maybe I can think of something else…”
“No, shiritori’s good, actually.” Komaeda slowly smiles again. “Though I never played that game before, I just read about it in books… so if I do something wrong, please tell me!”
“Oh…” Hinata nods. “It’s a simple game, actually. You just have to say a word that starts with the last syllable that I used.”
“I see.” Komaeda smiles. “If it’s okay, can Hinata-kun start then?”
“Sure, well, let’s see…” Suddenly, Hinata doesn’t know why it’s so difficult to think of any word to say. “Mirai (Future)?”
“Ikari (Anger).” Komaeda says carefully, as if wordlessly asking Hinata if he's doing something wrong.
Hinata smiles as a way to say that he's on the right track. “Ringo (Apple).”
“Goryoushin…? (Parents?)”
Hinata blinks. He then laughs, and that earns a confused look from Komaeda. “Nice try, but you're not supposed to use a word that ends with the ‘n’ syllable, you know.”
“Oh.” Komaeda giggles as well. There was the warmth in Hinata’s chest again. “And I thought that I could have won if I did that!”
“Well, it’s okay, it’s your first time, after all.” Hinata smiles a bit. “I'm sure that you'll be able to play a longer game next time. I noticed that your vocabulary is actually pretty extensive, you know.”
“Not at all!” Komaeda laughs again. “But anyway, I'm glad that Hinata-kun was the first person I played this game with. If it were anyone else, they probably would have thought that I was such an idiot!”
“That doesn’t make you an idiot, but okay.” Hinata smiles again. “I’ll be glad to play shiritori with you anytime.”
“Thanks, Hinata-kun! Anyway!” He clears his throat. “Kibouteki! (Hopeful!)”
“Kibou (Hope).”
“Somehow, I feel like that’s cheating, Hinata-kun!” Komaeda giggles anyway despite his words. “Ude (Arm).”
“It’s not cheating, and dezato (dessert).”
“Foreign words are allowed too?” Komaeda tilts his head. “But okay, tonbo (dragonfly).”
“I guess so. Boku (I).”
“Kuchi (mouth).”
Hinata would be lying if he says that he doesn’t instantly think of… something different. He fights the thoughts. “Um… Chiisa (small).”
“San (three).” Komaeda pauses for a while before he covers his mouth. “…Ah, I did it again! I really am an idiot, after all!”
“Hey, now, it’s okay, it’s understandable that that was the first word that popped into your head.” Hinata awkwardly reaches out a hand and tentatively ruffles Komaeda’s hair. “I would have said ‘san’ too upon hearing ‘chiisa’.”
“I'm sure not…” Komaeda removes his hands from his face. “Hinata-kun isn’t an idiot, so I'm sure he wouldn’t do that.”
“Stop calling yourself an idiot because you're not.” Hinata pats him. “Anyway, do you want to just play a different game?”
Komaeda has gotten really good at shiritori since then. Hinata’s happy at least that he was the first person Komaeda played with.
That has to mean at least something, right?
At least he's a first, right?
--
The third month of knowing each other, if Hinata wasn’t already in love with Komaeda then, he at least knew that he would fall in love sooner or later.
It was also around that time when Hinata thought that maybe there was a big chance that Komaeda would fall for him as well. It was around that time when he realized that they really were always together, they pair off so naturally, so well, and he thought that that would go on and on.
He thought that they were a linear function with a positive slope, with no direction to go to aside from up.
He thought, he thought, he thought.
He just thought.
--
“Okay. Since I'm feeling generous, I wanted to make this homework a pair work.” The teacher announces one time. Hinata isn’t sure when exactly, but he can remember well what happened. “Find a partner and start discussing among yourselves. When you're done, you can leave.”
Almost as soon as the teacher was done talking, Hinata felt a hand on his shoulder, and he instinctively turns to see who it was. It was Komaeda, needless to say, looking at him with that signature comforting smile. Hinata can remember now—this was during the fourth or fifth month, the month when his heart started beating fast just by simply seeing Komaeda smile at him.
Hinata must have stared stupidly for too long because Komaeda then looked embarrassed before speaking. “I'm sorry… I immediately went to your seat when the teacher announced that we should get a partner, but I realized that I shouldn’t have assumed that you would want to pair with me! I-I’ll just leave—”
“No, no.” Hinata firmly grabs Komaeda’s wrist. He can remember that even if it wasn’t Komaeda’s hand that he held, he still felt a sensation that was akin to electric that time. “I did want to pair with you. I was just spacing out, sorry. Anyway, sit here.”
“Oh…” Komaeda looks relieved as he sits on the chair that Hinata offered to him, though still with a hint of hesitation. “I'm sorry if I made you feel compelled… I promise I won’t take offense if you want a different partner.”
“I already said that I want you to be my partner, right?” Hinata might mean that in another way, but he's not going to say that out loud. “Anyway, let’s work on this so we can leave quickly. I heard that there's this shop near the dorms that sells mochi. Want to check it out with me?”
“Of course!” Komaeda’s wide smile was back. “I was meaning to go there too, actually. How lucky!”
Hinata thought that time that the color of kusamochi looks a little bit like Komaeda’s eyes, but he quickly dismissed the thought as soon as it came because it was creepy. But speaking of Komaeda’s eyes, forgetting about the whole kusamochi comparison—they were really pretty.
They were actually the first that Hinata noticed from him during their first meeting. The second was his hair that looks like it was fluffier than all of Hinata’s pillows combined, and then his skin that looks almost like paper because of its paleness.
Next is his friendly and welcoming smile, and Hinata always notices that even until the present time.
--
Around seven days before their first big exam week in Hope’s Peak, Hinata can remember that the two of them studied together in the library. He can say that that memory might be the most peaceful one among the ones that involve Komaeda.
There was something really calming about thinking that they were in the library, a naturally quiet place where being noisy was a great shame, and the two of them would converse in hushed tones so that only the two of them would hear.
Only the two of them would hear—not even anyone who sits merely a table away from them, not even anyone who has the best hearing in the entire academy. They have a world of their own and there was no one else allowed to be this close to the two of them aside from each other.
“All functions are relations.” Komaeda speaks softly and carefully, his voice actually bordering on a whisper as he reads Hinata’s notes. “But not all relations are functions.That makes sense, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, it does.” Hinata nods in agreement. “It works like that in real life too, right?”
Komaeda giggles. “I suppose you can say that.”
Not all relationships work. That was what Hinata meant.
That time, he wholly believed in good faith that they were destined to be a function.
--
“Komaeda?” Hinata calls out, and Komaeda quickly looks up from the book in his hands. “I'm just going to go out and buy some trash bags. We’re running out.”
“Oh.” Komaeda nods and puts down his book. “May I come with you?”
“Well, of course, if you want to.” By the fifth month, it might be fast, but Hinata was already sure that he was in love. “You looked like you were really enjoying your book, so I didn’t want to interrupt you.”
Komaeda stands up from his bed and walks towards Hinata. “It’s only right that we go together when we buy things we need for the room, you know! Since it’s our room anyway.”
Hinata doesn’t know why that simple sentence made him feel so giddy. “Alright. Maybe we can hang out in the city near this one too after we buy what we need.”
“I heard that there's an arcade there!” Komaeda’s smile widens even more. Hinata’s just so happy that he was the one causing that smile. “I hope my luck is good today so that I can get Hinata-kun a prize!”
--
There's just something really addictive about assuming, Hinata thinks.
Once he got started, it was just really kind of difficult to stop. It’s maybe because things started really well that he thought it would always be like that, or maybe that’s just how he really is. He found himself usually thinking about ‘I'm so glad that you were my assigned roommate’ and ‘Hinata-kun is actually quite handsome, you know’ or maybe ‘I always have fun when I'm with you’ and ‘Are you okay, Hinata-kun? I'm always here if you need anything.’
He's always thinking about ‘what if he likes me too?’ or ‘what if he means something else when he says that?’ Sometimes, he’d catch himself just staring at Komaeda, and he’d only snap out of it when Komaeda finally looks his way and smiles.
The familiar accelerated heartbeat would be there yet again, and he’d think that if Komaeda wasn’t the one for him, then maybe he wouldn’t feel this strongly about him. Hinata thought that since he feels this good about loving Komaeda, there's probably no way that this is wrong?
Everything then changed.
And if one asks Hinata when exactly, he can actually accurately say.
It was that day, their first day of school in Hope’s Peak as second year students, marked by one particularly very important sentence.
"Hinata-kun... that one.” It was scary how much this point in their lives changed everything that they have. “He's Naegi Makoto-kun... The Super High School Level Hope."
That was when Hinata realized that they weren’t a linear function with a positive slope with no direction to go but up.
They weren’t even a function to begin with.
They were nothing but a relation, and while all functions are relations—
“Not all relations are functions.” He hears Komaeda’s voice in his head. “That makes sense, don’t you think?”
And it does.
It hurts so much that it does.