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I’m sorry for everything I did.
Every step you take is in the right direction but you can barely stand right now.
We will save everyone and win the fight.
He does not jerk awake like the way characters always do in movies. He does not sit up immediately.
Instead, he finds himself blinking awake slowly and then blearily staring up into the dark of his room here at UA dorms.
The softness of the mattress beneath him and the feeling of being clean after a bath set the whole situation apart from back when he sneaked in a few naps here and there during his times outside the UA Barrier.
If it isn’t for those, the warmth that surrounds and fills him would have been the evidence that the events of yesterday did happen.
They all came. For him. All of them.
Kacchan apologized which has been a bizarre experience.
Uraraka defended him and paved his way into UA.
Iida quoted his own words back at him and held his hand.
Todoroki locked him in an iced mountain and asked if his responsibilities did not permit tears.
Everyone said nice things. They all threw in words that cast him in a haloed light comparable to an angel while he just…up and left them and responded with cold words like “None of you can keep up with me.”
He made All Might worried. He made his mom worried. He made his classmates worried.
He decides to make a trip outside his room and fetch a glass of water for himself. His throat is tight for some reason. So, he makes his way to the water dispenser on his floor.
In hindsight, he should have accepted the fact that even if he is the ninth successor of One for All and the sole user of the nemesis quirk of All for One, he was still him, a messy 16-year-old high school student who just happen to be studying heroics and he sure as heck needs help.
He is going to do this with his mentor, the heroes he looks up to and his classmates. They are all going to be there for him.
Even if that means putting themselves on All for One’s radar.
He gulps down the cold water. A few drops escape down his chin, leaving a trail for him to feel the cold air on.
Despite everything, there is still this deep sadness that never really dissipated even after all the things his friends did for him, taking care of him like they did when they got inside the Heights Alliance.
He really does not want to endanger anyone.
He never meant to and he never will.
Even now, a part of him is still wondering, yet scared to actually find out, if all the attacks on UA that happened were because All for One was searching for One for All in part.
He is scared that he’ll cause another attack on UA by his mere presence.
He will just have to believe everyone else when they say but they’ll have to excuse him if he needs more confirmation and some more help along the way.
Then, he realizes that he subconsciously makes his way to a different door on his way back.
Even in the dark, he can still make out the faint scorched marks on the door handle and a few more on the door itself if only because he has spent a considerable amount of time standing in the same place and contemplating whether to enter or not.
But this time, he does not have to decide. The door opened before he had a chance to do anything so things have already been decided for him.
“Nerd? The fuck are you doing here?”
Izuku realizes that Kacchan is capable of using that soft tone again. He thought it was just a one-time thing influenced by the words his childhood friend uttered which he does not think he will say again.
Here they are again, face to face, an echo of how they were when Kacchan apologized in the rain.
Izuku and Katsuki.
Deku and Kacchan.
“Kacchan.”
He does not catch the look that crosses Katsuki’s face at his voice or the tiny bit of desperation that slips out alone with it.
“S-sorry I didn’t mean to-”
The blonde in front of him just lets out a snort-like sigh, “Oh, save it. I take it you can’t sleep too?”
Izuku looks up at Kacchan. Maybe it was because it was well past two in the morning. Maybe it was because he got up from sleeping. But, Kacchan’s voice is still soft. It is almost weird.
“Not really. I mean, I, umm, woke up. Then, I got up to get a drink and accidentally ended up here?” Izuku’s voice raised at the end as if he was asking a question.
“Tch,” even his ‘tch’ is different, what, “Just come in, shitty nerd.”
“Really?”
Kacchan rolls his eyes and opens the door wider, “What? You don’t want to?”
There is something hidden underneath the casual question that Izuku can’t figure out. It sounds almost like uncertainty. He just stands there and stares before taking a step forward and some more, saying a soft “Thanks, Kacchan.”
The nightlight on the bedside table was turned on, casting the room with a warm muted glow. For a moment, Izuku just stands in the middle of the room, not knowing what to do next.
The blonde just sits down on his bed. Izuku twists his fingers as he nervously tries to figure out what he is supposed to do. However, a pat on the mattress about a foot away from himself that Kacchan gives makes him blink and slowly approach the blonde’s bed.
“Is this really okay?” he hesitantly asks.
“Of course, why would I do this if it is not okay?”
“Oh,” Izuku sits down beside Kacchan, not too far, not too close, “okay then.”
A few moments pass without either of them making a move to start talking. Izuku uses this time to come to terms with how much Kacchan has changed, how much they have changed.
“So, what’s up with you?” Kacchan gruffly asks, not in a way showing concern but still in that soft way that Izuku keeps noticing.
He ponders on how to answer, “I think I just…felt somewhat lonely in my own room. Even though I have been sleeping by myself for over a decade, tonight is just…different, I guess.”
He laughs a little, no humor present in his laugh.
The other boy hummed, “Look, I’m not good at this and I had to rehearse that speech in my mind for around ten times but if you want to ramble and mutter like the nerd you are, then I suppose I can lend an ear.”
Izuku whips his head around to stare at his childhood friend, questioning if he even heard it right.
“Just. This. Once. Got it, nerd?”
“Um, yeah, thanks.”
Silence follows Izuku’s words. Both of them are painfully awkward, which is just as can be expected from them.
They have gone through a lot of labels, play partners, childhood friends, the bully and the victim, rivals, classmates, quirk confidants, and sparring partners, and maybe, they will add friends to those labels someday even.
“Well?” an impatient voice prompts Izuku but he still does not think it is possible to talk without breaking into tears right now in accordance with the Midoriya genes (because Kacchan is being so nice) or word-vomiting all his worries and fears to the blonde.
“Can I just, you know, enjoy your company? It’s- it’s been some time since we last did something remotely like this. And, I think I just need some company now.”
Red eyes stare at him without betraying their owner’s thoughts before Kacchan says, “Okay, suit yourself. As I said, you only have this once.”
Izuku smiled at him and scooched himself a bit toward his childhood friend, “Is this okay? You must want to sleep and here I am-”
“Oi, nerd, what did I just say? I won’t even say that if I wasn’t okay with it. Use your brain.”
“Okay, Kacchan. Thanks again.”
At some point, Izuku starts to lightly nod off while the blonde is awake and using his phone just to have something to do while he waits for Izuku to fall asleep.
At some point, nodding off becomes leaning on Katsuki’s shoulder as he snores softly every now and then, green curls almost tickling the other boy’s chin and neck as he tries his best not to move.
It is in part because he does not know what to do, let alone how to move.
At some point, Katsuki put down his phone and gently maneuvered Izuku into his bed before taking out the spare sleeping bag and futon he has for hiking and camping and settling on the floor of his own damn room, instead of in his bed.
At some point, he too falls asleep.
It turns out both of them just needed some company.