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Kai is simply minding his own business and inspecting some nice, fresh eggs, when Kanna taps him on the shoulder.
“What are you doing?” she looks down at his eggs, “Is there something special about them?”
Kai shakes his head, “No. They are just regular eggs.” he holds one up to her face, “See?”
Kanna sits on the floor beside him and takes the egg, “Oh. Kanna sees. Then why are you looking so closely at them?”
Kai smiles. Her curiosity is very sweet, “I’m making sure they’re all okay to eat, so no one gets poisoned.”
Kanna recoils from her egg, putting it on the floor. It rolls in a circle and lands away from the two of them. “Ah- sorry.”
“We don’t eat egg shells, so it doesn’t matter if it goes on the floor anyway.” he stands up and fetches the escaped egg, “Do you want to help me cook? I promise this one isn’t poisonous.”
Kai isn’t exactly sure where the desire to offer her that came from. He watches her smile brightly and decides it must have been a good idea.
Kanna is a good assistant to Kai. She dutifully hands him his ingredients whenever he asks and only gets it wrong once. He even lets her have a turn cooking one of his precious eggs.
It burns nearly all over, and tastes better than all the ones Kai cooked.
“Can Kanna ask you a question?” she watches Kai eat a bite of her burnt egg, brows furrowed.
He nods, “You just did.”
A beat of silence.
“A proper question, please.” Kanna frowns, pulling her sleeves over her fingertips.
Ah. Seems she didn’t find that too funny, “Yes, go on.”
“Do you have any siblings?” she finally asks, innocent eyes wide and gleaming.
Kai hopes she doesn’t notice how he feels himself startle slightly.
“...Why do you ask?”
She rocks on her heels, “Just wondering. You’re very kind to Kanna, just like her big sister!”
Kai touches his ladle to his chin, keeping his expression plain, “That’s because of my job. I have to be good at looking after people.” Kanna nods, closing her eyes and smiling. Kai decides to entertain her.
“...I never really needed to look after my older brother.”
Kanna opens her eyes, grin widening, “You’re a younger sibling too!”
“I certainly was…”
-
“Hey- Sei, come back!” Kai shouts, slightly exasperated. His brother’s ginger hair bounces as he turns around.
“No! And that’s ‘big brudder’ to you!” he sticks his tongue out. Kai starts running, eliciting a laugh from Sei, who also takes off sprinting.
He’s not sure why Sei running past him and pulling on his hair is enough to start a full-blown running match but he finds he quite likes it, much more than when his brother very first arrived. They’ve both learned to get along, even if there’s friendly competition.
The house is quietly empty, Kai and Sei’s shoes tapping on the ground the only thing echoing in the corridors. Despite Sei being a little older they’re of almost equal speed, and Kai slides past the corner just behind his brother.
He almost stops outside his father’s office. Gashu is talking to a green-haired lady Kai’s sure he’s never seen before, and the both of them have serious expressions on their faces. He’s mildly curious as to what they could be discussing, but he’s far too caught up in trying to chase down Sei.
At some point they’re outside. Kai doesn’t know if they’re allowed, but Sei couldn’t seem to care less. His hair blows back with the wind and whips around when he does.
“Do ya think we’re gonna get in trouble?” Sei asks, perhaps a little too loudly if he doesn’t want to get caught. He slows to a stop, Kai doing so after him.
He hums, “I don’t know. Father’s in a meeting right now, so he might not notice.”
Sei grins, starting to run (backwards, Kai notices, how foolish), “I’m goin’ to the woods then.”
-
Kai doesnt stop thinking about Sei after that, not really, and when Kanna runs up to him and wraps her arms around his chest he feels it constrict even more.
He’s holding Sei again, and he won’t let go. No, he won’t won’t won’t.
Kanna lets go. She and Sei smile up at Kai mischievously.
Kai’s hands fall from her shoulders and drop to his sides. He lets out a quiet breath.
”How much older was your brother than you?” she speaks quietly, as if to be careful. Kai wonders if she picked up on any strange reactions from him yesterday. Or at all.
He swallows his thoughts, “No more than a year or two.”
Kanna accepts this with a nod, “Kanna’s sister is 2 years older than her too.” she pulls her sleeves over her fingers, and touches her hair clip. It’s shaped like screws and Kai assumes it has some significance to her.
“Your hair clip is very nice.” he says, feeling warmed and comforted by her delighted smile.
“Thank you. Kanna’s sister has a matching one. Did you and your brother have anything like that?” she touches the rid of her fingers together, even though they’re mostly hidden by her sleeves.
Kai chooses to dodge the question, drawing his spatula to his eye, “It is very well made. What does your sister’s one look like?” he hums as Kanna simply looks at him.
“…It’s just one screw instead of four.”
Kai nods.
He puts his spatula in it’s normal place behind his back, “I’ll see you later, Kanna.”
“Why wouldn’t you answer my question?” she tips her head to one side. Kai smiles at her and walks away.
“We wore the same uniforms, but that is all.”
-
Neither of them are allowed in the woods, Kai knows for sure, and they'll both definitely get told off. He’s more scared Sei will hurt himself if he’s running about on his own.
His hair blows in his face, from running or the wind Kai isn’t sure. He brushes it from his line of sight, and nearly walks into a tree branch Sei had flicked back at him. It takes Kai a second to recover, and he stops.
The sky is dark, though it’s blocked by a canopy of trees. Seems like a good chance of rain, Kai thinks.
“Sei, we shouldn’t go too far.” he frowns. Sei just laughs him off, spinning to face him.
“What? You chicken?” he comes up to Kai and leans forward, the mischievous glint in his eyes all too familiar.
Kai rolls his eyes and pulls on his hair, “No. But it might rain soon, look at the sky.” he says, glancing upwards.
Sei rubs the top of his head, following Kai’s gaze. He seems to notice the dark clouds, and his face falls. Kai almost feels a little bad. “Okay, let’s go back home.” Sei decides, nodding.
They begin walking home, side by side this time. Sei jumps over a log, and Kai steps over it carefully, and straight into a pool of sticky mud. Sei pulls him out and laughs at him. He doesn’t bother to let go of his hand.
The first drop of rain lands on the top of Kai’s head and more follow. They quickly pick up in pace, and Sei starts running again to match.
He’s still gripping Kai’s hand, and he runs too. They both slide and slip, mud and puddles threatening to ruin their balance. They’re able to keep momentum by pulling each other on.
Kai takes a quick look at Sei’s face. He’s smiling, and when he notices Kai it breaks into a laugh, hardly malicious like before. It’s not long before Kai starts laughing too, and they laugh and run and pull each other through the damp trees like it’s the most fun in the world.
-
“You sound like you’re telling a fairytale.” Kanna giggles. Kai hits her lightly on her bucket-hat with his frying pan.
”It’s all true. My father never let us into the woods after that though, our clothes were ruined.”
Kanna’s big eyes widen, “Even your apron?”
“I didn’t have an apron.” he says.
“It’s weird to imagine you without one…” Kanna readjusts her bucket, clearly trying to visualise an apron-less Kai.
Kai tries to visualise an apron-less Kai.
He decides he’d rather not. He tightens the bow around his waist and runs his hand along the red fabric. It’s a bright shade, yellow only accentuating it.
Kai looks at it and thinks about how it’s almost blood red. He thinks about apron-less Kai again.
Apron-less Kai is far more familiar with the colour of blood. Apron-less Kai is a heartless killer. Apron-less Kai has been born and raised evil.
Apron-less Kai is not real.
“When did you get it, then?” Kanna puts her hand on Kai’s arm.
He inhales. He meets Kanna’s eyes and exhales.
Mr. Chidouin has been nothing but kind to Kai. As much as he’d like to credit the man himself, however, he cannot tell Kanna.
“My employer gave it to me after I had been working for him for a while.” he settles for.
Kanna nods, “So it’s a gift! It’s nice that you wear it everywhere.” she smiles softly. She’s probably thinking about her sister, Kai guesses, so he just nods and stands beside her silently.
The quiet is almost peaceful. Kanna walks in front of him, and gives Kai another hug.
Kai pats her shoulders and they stay like that forever.
-
Without Sei, Kai has nothing better to do than wander around the house anymore. He does his very best not to think much, and instead focuses on walking as quietly as possible. If he ran into someone he’d probably be told to do something useful, or even worse, to go back to his bedroom.
(He thinks he might be banned from going outside, since no one has asked that of him.)
It’s quite lonely, honestly. Kai finds himself in the corridor outside his father’s office. He wonders what he might be up to; they’ve barely talking since a couple of days ago. Maybe he’s upset with him.
When Kai dares to sneak a look through the crack in his door, he sees. Gashu is a mess. Kai knows he’s never seen his father in a state like this before. He didn’t quite think this was possible from him. Gashu’s sitting on his chair, facing the wall, hands messing his hair. He sighs, and turns slowly to the door, hands dropping and head cocking to the side. His eyebrows furrow as he stands up.
Kai jumps, scrambling away. He’s almost around the corner when he hears his voice.
“Kai, come.” he stops and turns around, shuffling back to his father.
Gashu steps out of his room, walking up to his son. He crouches down on one of his knees, stroking Kai’s cheek with his thumb. He traces it with his eyes, and Kai strains to do the same. Eventually he just decides to look at his face, “Father?”
There’s a beat of silence. He can’t read the emotions in his Gashu’s face at all.
Kai’s father shakes his head and stands up, back snapping straight. He runs a hand through his hair, flattening and perfecting it where it had been ruined earlier.
“...Your teacher will be back soon.”
Kai swallows, confusion over his father building a lump in his throat. He nods, “Alright.”
A weight hangs in the air, it’s constricting and heavy. Kai’s mouth is dry, and his eyes wet. He blinks. He remains stoic.
Even if Gashu is acting like this, Kai still will not disappoint him. He’s got enough problems to not need to worry about an unruly son.
He wishes Sei could be here to cheer him up. Some unfamiliar part of him aches.
Kai simply ignores it. He’s been doing that for 2 days and he will do it forever.
-
Kanna reminds Kai of himself. Her sister is very much dead. Even if she talks about her like she isn’t.
She tells Kai her stories about Kugie in exchange for his about Sei. The two clearly liked getting ice cream together, considering that was the setting for quite a few of the tales.
When Kanna is done, she leans against Kai. A small smile decorates her face, “Thanks for listening, Kai. You really are a good big brother.”
“Oh? Big brother?” he leans forward and looks at her, “Why, thank you.”
Kanna’s brow furrows, “Are you teasing Kanna?!”
“No, no, not at all.” he laughs softly, “You are a very good little sister. Kugie is lucky to have you.”
“… I miss her.”
Kai feels a prick in the back of his eyes.
“I know.”
He does not cover his face. Kanna holds his hand. He lays his head on hers.
Silent tears fall and silent words are spoken, shaky breaths floating away.
-
Gashu comes into Kai’s room the night after that, and perches on the edge of his bed. Kai’s been lying awake, but decides it's best to feign sleep when his father enters. He’s facing away and his eyes are still wide open, though. He can’t - won’t - close them. At least he hasn’t been crying tonight.
“Kai, I’m glad you’re sleeping well. I was worried it wouldn’t come easy.” Gashu speaks softly, but with his usual stern monotone. He doesn’t look at Kai, and Kai doesn’t move.
It’s safe to say sleep did not come easy for Kai. He has not slept at all since Sei died, his awful face burned into the back of his eyes. He can’t even shut them without seeing him, dead, dying, worse still, living.
Gashu continues talking, partly to himself and partly to his son who he still must think is sleeping. It’s somewhat soothing, breaking Kai out of his downward-falling thoughts. “I hope there are no nightmares.” he says. This time, he gazes over to Kai. He wills himself to stay rigid still, not daring to move a muscle.
Which he is of course good at. He’s been trained, after all.
Him and Sei have spent plenty of time hiding too. That surely would have helped. He wishes Sei could help him hide right now, under his father’s steely watch.
“I love you, Kai. I hope you know that.” the father in question mumbles. Kai’s eyes widen, and he hopes he didn’t breathe too sharply. He considers speaking up, and he decides he’s too afraid.
Outward affection was something Gashu rarely gave. Kai has learned to cherish it.
Even if his father believes he’s asleep, Kai’s sure he still means his words.
Some part of him wishes Gashu would find more ways of showing it.
“ASU-NARO is God, and they will protect us. No harm will come to you or I, ever.” Gashu says it like a prayer, forceful, and if nothing had happened to Sei, Kai would have believed it.
Instead, he decides he’s done with this. Kai can’t save his father from ASU-NARO, or God or whatever Gashu believes it to be. But he can at least try to save himself.