Chapter Text
The first time Leonardo sets eyes on April O'Neil, he's convinced he's in love.
Despite literally not knowing her at all, he's certain of it. He's in love with every part of her, from her bold black eyeliner to her stylish ripped jeans.
He knows this with unwaivering certainty because what else could this yearning feeling possibly be?
He's a boy, shes a girl, it makes sense.
Leo wants to get to know her so bad that he runs off to rescue her bike in some half baked plan to impress her.
By some miracle, she isn't scared of them and gives them all a chance at friendship.
There isn't much time for small talk while trying to take down Superfly but Leo learns a lot about April regardless.
He learns that she is incredibly accepting. April shrugs off their strange appearance like its nothing once she realizes Leo and his brothers are just normal teenagers, even if they also happen to be green.
He learns that she's just as anxious as he is. Even if Leo's never personally thrown up on live TV, he gets what it's like to feel sick with anxiety. He's got three younger brothers to look after, of course he's going to be stressed.
He learns that she's very brave. April faces her fears and goes in front of cameras to get the world to see the truth. Sure, maybe she throws up a little there too but Leo thinks that being brave doesn't mean being perfect.
The point is, Leo can't think of anyone more beautiful and inspiring than April. So he knows without a doubt, he's definitely in love with her.
The first time doubt creeps in is during a late night talk with his brothers. Their second day of high school is tomorrow and they're all too busy sharing stories about their first day to sleep.
The lights are off but that hasn't stopped Leo from rambling about April for the past, Donnie checks his phone, 23 minutes.
"And, I don't know man, she's just so cool. Do you- you think we're gonna see her again tomorrow?" Leo asks, tossing and turning in his bunk.
"Dude. We go to the same school, yes we're going to see her." Raph deadpans.
"If we do see her, Leo's just gonna stare at her all day again." Donnie teases.
"I did not stare at her all day!" Leo squawks.
"I'm so sorry we have to be the ones to tell you this." Mikey says, not sorry at all.
"Its not my fault her dress was so pretty. Her outfit was great! Oh god, what if she didn't like my outfit? I tried to go for like a formal sorta fit but I'm worried I looked like. Weird or something, I dunno. I felt weird in it." He rambles, fidgeting with the frayed edges of his worn blue blanket.
"Yeah, I'd feel weird if I looked like a Best Buy employee too." Donnie snorts, playing a game on his phone to pass the time.
"What? No, I mean like. April looks cool in everything she wears and I didn't really- wait, did I actually look like a Best Buy employee?"
"Leo, you looked fine dude." Raph sighs, ignoring the question.
"Wait, hold up, why did you feel weird? I thought you liked that outfit?" Mikey asks.
"I dunno. April just looked so nice and I…" Leo trails off, squeezing his blanket in his fist.
He has no idea how to describe this feeling in his chest. Its like a burning ache every time he thinks about her, like she's a constant reminder that he's missing something.
"I thought you looked nice!" Mikey insists.
"I mean yeah I looked nice but she's pretty, I'm not-" Leo snaps his mouth shut before he can finish his sentence but he gets the feeling he's already said too much.
Silence follows for a few seconds, leaving Leo feeling inexplicably hot with shame.
Raph breaks the silence, blunt and casual.
"Sounds like you wanna be her, not be with her."
Leo opens his mouth to respond but stops short. He feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest, pressing tight against his plastron.
"...Leo, do you-" Donnie starts but Leo is quick to cut him off. he has no idea what Donnie was about to say but he knows he doesn't want to hear it.
"Its getting late, we should sleep. Big uh, big day ahead of us. I'm tired, super duper tired so, you know. Goodnight."
Leo can practically feel his brothers apprehension in the air but he refuses to acknowledge it, turning on his side and facing away from his family.
He curls in on himself, hugging his blanket. He frowns, thinking about Raph's words.
Sounds like you wanna be her, not be with her.
That's stupid, Leo decides. Of course he wants to be with April! He's wanted that since the day he saw her.
But if Raph's wrong, why is it bothering him so much?
Why does it make him sick to think about what Donnie was about to say?
Why wasn't Mikey's reassurance that he looked nice enough?
Why is he so scared?
Leo doesn't understand any of this and he's not sure he wants to. It's scary to not know who you are and what you want. He thought he knew but his brothers have always known him better than he's known himself. Leo hopes they don't push the subject tomorrow. Leo likes April, that's final. He doesn't want to be her or whatever Raph was talking about. He's fine. Leo doesn't want to be pretty, he's fine with looking nice. It's not like he could ever look pretty anyway, so why bother trying? He's not going to be comfortable with the way he looks right now and he's okay with that. This is probably just another weird teenager thing that will go away once he gets older, he's sure of it.
He doesn't get much sleep that night.