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Harvey hasn't enjoyed waking up in a while. He had woken up before sunrise, feeling groggy and miserable, yet unable to go back to sleep and enjoy that final hour before he was set to get up. So he lay in the dark, contemplating whether or not it was worth it to get out of bed and start early, wondering if it would improve his mood at all. His anxieties had been overwhelming him lately, making it difficult to function. At first, he had been masking it well, with every appointment going by seamlessly, but as the sleepless nights grew in number, he could notice that mask slipping and see the concerned looks. Harvey shakes his head, not wanting to think about it. The time before sunrise was comforting, at least; it was peaceful, just allowing him to think and breathe. He should enjoy that.
Harvey felt a small amount of relaxation settle in his bones, a welcome feeling after so long. He let it spread through him, his body feeling heavy but no longer miserably so. For the first time in a while, his brain is thoughtless, no longer pestering him with thoughts of what could possibly go wrong. Then his alarm rings, the beeping of it having gotten more agonizing over the last few days. The sounds are insulting, a disturbance to a rare moment of peace, and a reminder that he’s expected to be productive after yet another sleepless night. He gets out of bed and makes his way over to the lamp in his room, switching it on so he can see his calendar and check for any appointments. Before he looks at it, he looks up at his plane collection, experiencing a brief moment of longing for the life he could've had as a pilot. Not that he didn't enjoy his job as a doctor, but flight must be so freeing.
Him and that stupid fear of heights.
Moping back over to his bed, he looks up at the calendar, scanning it for today's date. "The 9th of summer," Harvey whispers to himself, "Elliott's appointment." He shrugs it off and makes his way to the bathroom so he can shower. He decides to take a relatively long shower this morning; it’s 7 a.m., so he can afford to indulge himself for once. Once in the shower, he wakes up a bit more and mulls over today's duties, his eyes widening at a sudden realization. "Elliott's appointment. Oh my." He can feel his face heating up at the thought of being anywhere near Elliott. His feelings for the man were a little stupid, he'll admit; they've never really talked, just quick hellos and Harvey looking, not staring , from a distance.
Elliott is everything he isn’t; he's confident, funny, expressive, and just gorgeous. Harvey can’t help but be attracted to Elliott, but he's too anxious to even speak with him. Elliott did have a flair for the dramatic, while Harvey did not. What if the other man found him boring? Or lame? He doesn't know if he'd be able to handle that, so staring from a distance was safer. However, that wasn't an option during these appointments, and so far, Harvey has managed to keep it professional. He's not sure how he'll do today, but it’s not like he could refuse Elliott service, so he’d deal with it and try his best to keep his composure.
He leaves the shower, new anxieties clouding his mind. What if he messes up a sentence and looks like a fool? What if he says something that makes Elliott upset? He's seen him frown before at the saloon when Gus says he doesn't have the ingredients for a particular meal. He'd probably die on the spot if that frown was ever directed towards him, but he'd try his best to never have to find out if that's true.
He gets dressed slowly, as if it would delay his inevitable embarrassment, and stares at his clock. 8:20 a.m. He has half an hour until the office opens and an hour and a half until Elliott shows up. The thought of Elliott simply existing near him for so long gave him a slight headache. He should probably call a therapist later. ‘I need coffee,’ he thinks and makes his way into his kitchen. He puts on the coffee pot and waits.
Once he finishes his second cup, it’s 9:00; Maru should be here by now. Harvey was never a religious man, but he thanks Yoba that this appointment was on a day that he wasn't alone. He downs the rest of his coffee and makes his way downstairs, where Maru is already waiting at the front desk, reading a magazine. "Good morning," he practically whispers, the consequences of not talking for nearly two hours taking their effect.
"Good morning, Doctor Harvey." Maru looks up from her magazine and smiles at him, but then her face shows an expression of concern. She fully turns to look at him now and gives him a once-over. "You look anxious—more anxious than usual anyway. What's up?"
"Elliott's appointment is today," Harvey blurts out, unable to meet Maru's eyes.
She laughs, catching Harvey off guard, and once she straightens up again, her face becomes serious. "Harvey. It's gonna be alright. Elliott likes you; he makes it so obvious at every single appointment. Forgive me, but you're just too obtuse to notice!" Maru giggles again. "It's gonna be fine."
Harvey just looks at her, confusion etched on his face. "What are you even talking about?"
This causes Maru to roll her eyes, and she turns away, picking up her magazine and flipping the page. "You’ll see; just relax; it’ll be fine. You have…" She pauses to look up at a clock, "45 minutes until he gets here. Go relax."
Harvey can only sigh in response and exit to go back up to his room. He lays back on his bed, his feet dangling off the bed, and turns to stare at his alarm clock to wait for 10:00 a.m. The thoughts of what could possibly go wrong flood his mind.
-
Once 10 hits, he sits up, takes a deep breath, and slowly descends the staircase. He walks through the hall, pausing at the door to the waiting room, and when he finally opens it, Elliott’s smile almost takes his breath away. Harvey quickly glances over at Maru, who gives him a reassuring smile and mouths at him to just breathe. He looks back at Elliott and offers him a nervous smile. "Um, good morning, Elliott; please come with me." He curses at himself for the awkward delivery of that line, but Elliott doesn’t seem to care as he starts walking towards him, causing Harvey to turn around way too quickly and not even bother to hold the door for Elliott, adding yet another infraction to his made-up personal scoring list for today.
He immediately begins to look for his stethoscope. He can hear Elliott sit on the examination table, the paper crinkling under the added weight. Once he gathers his tools, he turns around to begin questioning him, but his voice is lost at the sight of Elliott smiling at him. Forget dying if Elliott frowned at him; he might die if Elliott kept smiling at him. Harvey clears his throat and moves closer to Elliott, seeing that the man's eyes are watching his every move. This wasn't helping at all; maybe he did like him? This wasn't the time for Maru's words to get to him. "So...Elliott..." They make eye contact, and Harvey can feel his heart racing. "How've you been?" He puts the stethoscope on Elliott's chest, trying his hardest not to focus on the fact that he is currently touching his chest.
"I've been doing just fine, Doctor Harvey. I'm currently working on a novel, and I can say that I've made significant progress." He kicks his feet a little, not enough to make any contact with Harvey's leg, but just enough to show excitement at the mention of his latest project.
The smile in Elliott's voice is evident, and Harvey feels like he's going to melt. He moves the stethoscope around a little. "Can you take a deep breath for me?" He's shocked that he hasn't forgotten the essential questions. Elliott obeys, and this little bit of success gives Harvey hope for the rest of the day. Harvey then moves away from Elliott to place his stethoscope down. "Do you smoke or use any drugs?" He asks as he places the stethoscope on the desk and grabs his clipboard to write down some things.
"So you're not even going to ask me if I drink?" Elliott raises an eyebrow and chuckles, sitting backwards, resting on his palms. He's once again swinging his legs, Harvey notes, something he seems to do when he's excited.
"Oh, I mean, I see you at the saloon, and I just thought," Harvey stammers; his face turns beet red, and a loud chuckle from Elliott keeps him from continuing. He can only look at the man in disbelief.
"No, no, I'm just joking with you; I know you've seen me drink. But no, I don't smoke or use any substances other than what's served by Gus." Elliott responds and looks rather fondly at Harvey.
As if his face could get any redder, "Oh, my apologies. I...nevermind." He can see a look of amusement on Elliott's face; oh gosh, he must be embarassing himself right now. By now, his brain was beginning to blank, and he just stared at the other for a moment before he reminded himself that he had a job. "Oh! Um. Have you been sleeping regularly? Getting 8 hours?" He looked back down at his clipboard. Maybe looking at the very beautiful man in front of him wasn't exactly the best thing for his composure right now.
"I must admit, I've been staying up very late lately. Once inspiration strikes, you shouldn't let it go to waste, you know? And that seems to be happening a lot at night. But it's not so bad; I normally get about 4 hours on average. I think."
This is a sentence that confuses Harvey. With 4 hours, he feels like he'd rather disappear off the face of the earth than exist, but Elliott, the energetic man in front of him, wasn't getting 8 hours? He's never seen Elliott look unhappy, and while that's definitely not something to judge his mental state on, he himself has trouble maintaining that sort of facade with only 4 hours of sleep. "That's not good at all, Elliott; you need to be sleeping much longer than that. I know it's been reiterated a lot, but it is important that you get at least 8 hours."
"Here, let me check your eyes." Harvey places his clipboard on the edge of the examination table and moves closer. He took his ophthalmoscope from the pocket of his doctor's coat and shone the light into the others eyes, causing Elliott to flinch. "And this is why you should sleep more; your sensitivity to light has heightened since your last visit."
Elliott smiles, amused. "I know, I know, I'm working on it."
Harvey then moves to the other eye, this time also taking note of his eye color. "He has really pretty eyes," he thinks, or at least he thought he would; instead, he says it out loud and can now see Elliott looking directly at him. His smile is gone, replaced with an unreadable expression. Harvey is going to die. "Oh my gosh, Elliott, I'm so sorry. That was really inappropriate of me." He grabs his clipboard and places his ophthalmoscope on the desk behind him. He begins writing Elliott's results there as an excuse to not face him for a few seconds. His thoughts are frantic, a repentance of 'Please don't speak, please don't speak, please do-'
"I think you have pretty eyes too, Harvey." Elliott finally responds.
"I know, I know that was...what?" Harvey turns around, his eyes wide, as he looks at Elliott. He seems serious and not at all pitiful. Maybe he's dreaming; he almost wants to pinch himself.
Yeah, I think you have really pretty eyes, and forgive me if I've ever made you uncomfortable, but I have been flirting with you during every appointment of mine, you know, since we don't really talk outside of these. But I suppose I'd have to be more straightforward. I'd very much like for us to be more than whatever we are now. If you'd have me, of course."
"I...I..." Harvey's in disbelief; he'd thought of this moment so many times, maybe not in this way, but the point is that it's happening. Please, uh, give me a minute." He leaves. It's a stupid decision, he knows, but he needs to speak to Maru; he feels like he's going to explode. He rushes towards the waiting room desk, catching Maru off guard. "He just. He just asked me to be...Oh my Yoba Maru, he asked me out." Saying it feels unreal, but what he's feeling is definitely real.
Maru's eyes are just as wide as his, and she stands up, rushing over to him and saying, "This is clearly not a professional moment. So. Harvey, please tell me you said yes and didn't just leave him waiting." Harvey pauses, and Maru sighs, rubbing her hand over her face. "Harvey, you didn't just...you didn't just leave him there, did you?"
He winces. "I'm sorry...?"
"Don't say sorry to me; say sorry to him! Now go!" She pushes him through the double doors and gestures rather aggressively towards his office.
Harvey looks back at her once more and enters his office, greeted with the sight of Elliott looking at him, longing in his eyes.
He's caught off guard as Elliott speaks first. "I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable by asking you to be my boyfriend? I'm sorry that was really sudden. I should've taken you on a date first. I mean. If you said yes to it, of course." He's rambling; it's cute; that confident exterior is breaking down into someone a little more anxious. It's funny to Harvey, as if they're switching roles in this situation.
Harvey takes what seems to be his thousandth deep breath of the day and steps towards Elliott, closing the distance between them. He looks him in the eyes and smiles. "No, no. Elliott. I'd love to be your boyfriend. I'm sorry for leaving you; I just panicked, you know? I've thought about this a lot; wow, that's embarrassing to say out loud."
"I think that’s really cute." Elliott grins at him; his eyes wrinkle. How cute. Harvey can feel Elliott’s legs kicking a little. Oh gosh, he was going to die.
He's about to look down, the eye contact being too much, but Elliott catches his chin with his finger. It was so cliche and ironic since Elliott was writing a romance novel, but Harvey has butterflies anyway.
"Can I kiss you?" Elliott breathes out.
Harvey can only nod, the butterflies increasing as Elliott uses his legs to pull him closer and presses his lips against his. He's not sure what to do with his hands, but Elliott's arms wrap around his waist, and so his arms gravitate toward Elliott's neck. The appointment completely left his mind; thoughts of Elliott clouded his mind instead. He's so overwhelmed, and he never wanted this feeling to end.