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Akali was never attainable in Kai'sa's eyes. She didn't know why she ever tried.
For the record, Akali was the best thing to happen to her ever since she came to Westwood University. Years of studying her ass off and standardized testing prep got her to where she wanted to be. It was only then when Kai'sa got dropped off at her dorm room doorstep that she realized good grades were only half the battle: networking was the true key to success, and she was completely out of her comfort zone with it, but at being social, Akali was king.
Kai'sa really lucked out when it came to Akali being her dorm mate as she knew any and everything there was to know about getting in good with people you wanted to meet and the rules it would entail on how to talk to them. Within a week of hanging around with Akali, Kai'sa was introduced to several other classmates whose parents worked in various community centers across the state, and with getting her name out to the people that mattered, it was only a matter of time before she was offered numerous internships left and right.
Not only was Akali amazing at getting people to talk to Kai'sa, she was just amazing in general, and a fantastic best friend to boot. Akali was always up at night while Kai'sa was studying, never hesitating to offer her company and snacks while she worked, Akali always made time to hang out with her even when she was busy with soccer practice, and she even gave the absolute best advice on style as she was constantly turning heads wherever she went thanks to her fine streetwear and handsome face. That, and Akali was incredibly sweet to her, leaving thoughtful sticky notes of encouragement around their dorm, and even helping her with her HRT shots if Kai'sa wasn't feeling up to doing it.
However, Kai'sa's luck with Akali began to dwindle at about the half a year mark when they had spent the holidays together off-campus out of desperation for some sort of familial normalcy. Kai'sa's father was always busy and Akali's mother was too worried fussing over her prodigal older sister, so what better way than to spend winter break alone at a cabin in the mountains with your very best friend?
Except your said best friend is the one you caught feelings for and was seriously committed to being non-committed.
Akali was a social butterfly, charming, and heartbreakingly attractive, so of course she was always seen with a different girl every week. Someone just as pretty as she was, popular, and way more entertaining than Kai'sa happened to be, or was at least willing to put out.
Sex and physical intimacy scared the daylights out of Kai'sa, almost as much as failing school so there was no way Akali would ever look at her in that light even though she'd be the only one she'd ever trust in a situation like that. True to her day-dreaming nature, Kai'sa had hoped for the next few years that Akali would pick up on any kind of hint that she was madly in love with her.
In fact, Kai'sa even left the comfort of her shell to tell Akali how she felt one night while they were alone, drinking on some kind of punch she made while they sat at the old rickety pier out at Johnson Park. Her confession rode on the cool breeze along the shore and Akali seemed like she didn't hear it, quickly switching up the conversation to something Kai'sa would want to join in on as soon as the words left her mouth.
Kai'sa didn't though.
From then on, Kai'sa felt herself close off from Akali slowly but surely. Akali had to have known by then that something had shifted, but the thing was that as much as she talked, Akali was also extremely good at lying, to Kai'sa and to herself. Good at pretending that things were still the same between them like how Akali had invited Kai'sa to this party she was throwing in honor of graduation. It was a well known fact that Kai'sa hated parties, Akali knew this but she'd always ask, just in case Kai'sa would change her mind.
And this time, she did. Kai'sa was surprised to hear some of her favorites being played over loud speakers throughout the house that held so many faces that were somewhat familiar to her, even smiled, and chatted up a few of them, but nothing could have prepared her for the look on Akali's face when she saw her walk in to the center of it all.
Drink in hand and slack jawed, Akali was stunning, with her blue varsity jacket, long, black mane spilling over her plain white tank, light washed jeans and some vintage Nike high tops. There was a small gathering of women around Akali, pretty, drunk, and dressed way too nice for a house party but it was guaranteed that every one would notice them there, and yet, Akali was staring only at Kai'sa.
Kai'sa had dreamed of this chance to finally catch Akali's eye, she had even put on makeup, stepped out in a pair of new heels and wore a freaking dress that fit her athletic body to a "T". And she actually felt like she looked incredible, especially by the stares from guys who never even noticed her until now, and honestly, it felt good to be admired.
So she had fun. She danced her ass off, vibing to the music Akali picked out just for her. Kai'sa ended up pairing off with some girl she'd never met before, who was extremely handsome and who just wanted to dance for the night.
The sight might've left Akali seething but Kai'sa didn't care nor was she paying attention. She was enjoying being free, free of worrying about messing things up between her and Akali and just lived in the moment because it would never come again.
So when Kai'sa was done, she let her eyes roam over the crowd until they found Akali, looking right back at her. She waited and watched as Akali stood still, almost paralyzed from where she was on the dance floor.
This was that moment that Kai'sa prayed on for all of those years, that Akali would go to her and tell her how she really felt, that she felt the same for Kai'sa and that she really did hear her that night on the pier.
Except it didn't happen.
All of the confidence and bravado that Akali was normally filled to the brim with was nowhere to be seen, and because of that something clicked for Kai'sa: Akali would never tell her that she loved her back.
It hurt, but she smiled and waved, signaling her last goodbye to her best friend before she would head out of state in the morning. Kai'sa was finally going places thanks to Akali, and she could at the very least not take that for granted by buckling down and getting serious, she had work to do that would hopefully change so many lives.
This was it, the start to her new life, and the last hoorah for the one that got away.
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As Akali waved back to Kai'sa, she could feel the smile on her face painfully wither off into nothing when Kai'sa headed towards the door.
Akali never had a chance in hell when it came to Kai'sa, and she was a fool to think otherwise.
Sure, she had invited her to this party, but Kai'sa had been distant for weeks, no, months , over something stupid that Akali could have fixed at any time.
Kai'sa was in love with her, and from the moment those words dripped down from those pretty lips of hers, Akali's world was shaken. There was no way that someone with a future so bright would be foolish enough to get with a person like Akali.
Yeah, she was popular and had a bunch of friends, but they were just people she knew of , they didn't matter to her like Kai'sa did. And yeah, getting onto the soccer team got her some things she would have never had imagined when she was younger, but Akali knew that she, herself, was full of shit.
A shit-talker who had mediocre grades, a bullshitter who schmoozed her way into getting a decent job after she graduated, and a liar who could never admit that Kai'sa was too good for her. It would've killed her pride that someone as wholesome as she was was even interested in a girl like her, it wouldn't even be fair to have that kind of luck.
So Akali fucked it up, fucked up at the chance of saying it back that night when they were alone and every day since, she was locking herself out of Kai'sa's reach. It stung when Kai'sa started to do the same but Akali deserved it, she was a shit person and she knew it.
Like, Kai'sa was pure, innocent, and she barely even touched booze if Akali offered her some if it was just the two them hanging out. Why would she ever want to be close with someone who got passed around from body to body like a damned hot potato? Kai'sa had self-respect, something Akali only wished she'd had.
Her mom and her sister were right, Akali deserved nothing good, especially someone as intelligent and gorgeous as Kai'sa, her best friend that she told all her insecurities to that time during winter break at the cabin upstate. Akali would ruin her like she did everything else in her life, and Kai'sa didn't deserve that.
Akali was never sure how to properly thank Kai'sa for everything over the past few years like putting a blanket over her whenever she fell asleep studying in the mornings, or taking care of her when she got sick and didn't have the energy to go back home and get berated for it. Kai'sa made her soup, gave her medicine, bundled her up, even kissed her forehead when she was falling asleep.
So, she'd do all she could to make sure Kai'sa got to where she needed to go and meet the people she needed to meet because Kai'sa would make a difference one day like she dreamed, she was always better than Akali like that.
So this graduation party was for Kai'sa, though Akali never said it. Spent weeks on booking a dee-jay that actually knew his shit about 80's synth pop and would play something good for her. Akali started to get nervous like it was all for naught when an hour passed and Kai'sa didn't show. God, she knew Kai'sa hated the pressure of parties but she was gonna dance with her if she came, get her to have fun, let loose, and celebrate that she fucking did it, she graduated and proved her dad wrong.
Until she showed up looking like a model and Akali was reminded that Kai'sa was the fucking luck of the draw, and that she herself was some sleazy dirtbag who would do nothing but bring her down. Kai'sa must've realized this too because she never came over to say hi, only talked to some guys checking her out way too hard and danced like a goddess with some other dyke competing for her attention. Well, it wasn't even a competition as Akali never ranked as a contender considering she didn't have the guts to walk over to her now.
But Kai'sa did wave goodbye before she left, and something told Akali that this was it, and she'd probably never see her again because she heard from some other chick that Kai'sa was moving out in the morning. Her chest caved in as she waved back, shooting Kai'sa her signature slick grin that she had everything and that she was on top of the world, when in all reality, Akali was five seconds from crash landing into rock bottom.
Like she thought, her family was right, Akali was shitty and self-serving to a fault.
So yeah, she was going to be selfish one last time as she pushed through the crowd, hoping to reach Kai'sa before she hopped in a cab off to her new life a couple of states over, and prayed like hell that she wouldn't be the one who got away.