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“Teddy,” Amelia whimpers, as Rebecca holds her on the plush rocker, humming softly to try to soothe her to sleep.
Although there have been fits and spurts where she has dozed off, the four-year-old hasn’t really slept deeply or for any true length of time in over 24 hours, which means the same is true for Rebecca. They’re both exhausted, and Rebecca feels constantly on the verge of a breakdown. Her baby is sick and nothing she is doing is making her feel better.
The doctor has assured her more than once that Amelia just has the flu and that – as long as she stays hydrated, takes the antiviral medication she’s been prescribed, and gets plenty of rest – she will be just fine.
It’s the rest part that Amelia is struggling with, and the fear and panic every time she throws up or the thermometer reading stays above 37.8 that Rebecca is struggling with. She does her best to keep calm for Amelia but, inside, she feels ready to crawl out of her skin. It’s the first time her daughter has been truly sick since she adopted her and, while runny noses and the occasional tummy ache had been easily soothed, this is an entirely different beast.
Everyone has been wonderful. She’s received texts from Ted, Higgins, her mother, Sassy, Roy, Trent, Nate, and even Michelle, offering tips and tricks to help with sick little ones they’ve picked up over the years, as well as messages from Keeley, Beard, and nearly every member of the team sending love and ‘get well’ wishes for ‘the littlest Greyhound’. There have also been offers from pretty much everyone to help in any way they can – more than one offer, in the case of Ted – but she has politely turned them all down. She’s Amelia’s mother. She can handle this.
Which brings her to carefully holding Amelia in place against her while she moves to reach for the plush toy that had been dropped to the floor at some point, probably during one of their trips to the bathroom. “You want your bear? Alright, love.”
But Amelia shakes her head back and forth as Rebecca holds it out to her. “No, Mummy. Teddy.”
Oh.
Her daughter doesn’t want her stuffed animal. And her daughter doesn’t want her either.
Rebecca feels her heart shatter in her chest, even as she reaches for the phone.
**
“Hey! How’s the patient doing?” Ted answers on the first ring, sounding somehow both chipper and concerned at once.
There’s silence for a moment, where he can make out Amelia’s sniffles before Rebecca’s voice finally comes through.
“She’s asking for you.”
She sounds like she’s barely holding herself together and Ted is already on the move. “I’m on my way.”
**
Less than ten minutes later, Rebecca opens the door to find Ted standing on her porch with a tote bag on his arm.
“Teddy.” Amelia – the only person in his life besides Laurie who’s allowed to call him that – reaches out for him, her voice choked with the tears that are slipping steadily down her little cheeks.
“Mia.” He carefully takes her from Rebecca, holding her close to him and beginning to gently rock her back and forth. “Hey, Princess.”
Typically when Ted calls her Mia – the only person allowed to do so – the little girl giggles while Rebecca pretends to be exasperated by the nickname and Ted counters that, if it was good enough for Anne Hathaway in The Princess Diaries – “an actual Disney princess, Rebecca” – then it’s good enough for Amelia Welton, Richmond’s very own princess. But today, none of that happens. Instead, Amelia just sniffles against him and Rebecca sways on her feet, looking about five seconds from collapsing.
“Okay,” Ted says, moving into the house and pulling the door shut behind him, “I’ve got this one for a bit. You go have a little time to yourself, huh, Boss? Maybe grab a shower or a nap.”
Rebecca looks like she wants to protest, but no words come out. Instead, she offers a short nod and then moves away from Ted and Amelia, as if the sight hurts her in some way. Ted frowns at that, but knows that right now, he needs to focus on Amelia. Then he’ll focus on Rebecca.
**
“Okay, Princess,” Ted says when he’s dropped his tote bag on the kitchen island and taken Amelia back up to her room, settling in the rocker that Rebecca had been in only a little while before. “What can we do to make you feel better, huh?” Ted looks down at the little girl in his arms, gently pressing his cheek to her forehead. She’s warm but not overly hot, the fever reducer he’s sure Rebecca has been giving her doing its work. Still, she’s clearly not feeling well and fighting sleep on top of it. “You thinking some snuggles and a story? A song? Oh, I got the perfect one.” He starts to sing softly as he rocks her. “Mamma Mia, here I go again.”
“No, Teddy. Mummy!” Amelia protests.
“Mummy Mia just ain’t got quite the right sound to it though, kiddo. Least not in my accent.”
“No.” Amelia shakes her head, her tired eyes struggling to stay open, but serious as they lock with Ted’s. “You make Mummy feel better.”
“Make Mummy–” Realization washes over Ted. “Do you think your mama is sick too, Mia?”
Amelia’s head falls back against Ted’s chest, where she nods. “Teddy take care of Mummy, like Mummy take care of me.”
“I don’t think your mama is sick, sweetness. I think she’s just worried about you. That’s what mamas do when their babies are sick,” Ted tries to explain, even as Rebecca’s face swims in his mind. It’s no wonder Amelia is concerned, even though he knows that Rebecca is just worried about her daughter and running herself ragged trying to take care of Amelia by herself. She had looked only seconds away from bursting into tears downstairs.
“Make Mummy smile again, please, Teddy,” Amelia whispers, gathering a fistful of Ted’s t-shirt in her hand.
Ted rubs his hand over her back, even as he feels his heart squeeze in his chest. There is nothing more that he would like to do than make Rebecca – and Amelia – smile, every day for the rest of his life if he could.
But he certainly can’t tell her toddler that. “I will do my absolute best, sweet pea,” he promises instead, gently carding his fingers through her hair. “But you know what will make Mama smile for sure? You feelin’ better. So how about you just close those peepers and get some sleep so the medicine can do its job and make you feel better, hmm? And I’ll take care of your mama for you while you sleep.”
Amelia takes a big breath in and then releases it, rubbing her cheek against Ted’s shirt again, finally allowing her eyes to close. “Okay, Teddy.”
“Okay, Mia.” Ted holds her, continuing to rub her back and hum Mamma Mia softly until he feels her little body relax against him and he’s sure she’s in a sound sleep. Then he carefully tucks her into her bed, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead before leaving her room in search of Rebecca.
**
He finds her sitting at her island, a cup of tea between her hands that he’s sure has gone cold. She’s staring at the tote bag he’s brought, the one he hasn’t unpacked yet, but it’s obvious that she’s not really seeing anything. At least it looks like she took him up on the idea of a shower – her hair is damp at the ends and she’s changed into a different pair of joggers and a t-shirt that he’s fairly certain belonged to him once upon a time, unless Rebecca’s become a fan of the KC Current without telling him. He doesn’t bring this up, though.
“Hey,” he says softly, doing his best not to startle her. She still jumps, blinking rather rapidly before locking eyes with him. “I managed to get her to sleep.”
Tears gather in Rebecca’s eyes at that pronouncement, but she refuses to let them fall. “Good,” she manages to get out.
Ted moves over beside her, gently putting his hand on her back. “Hey, I know it can be real scary when they get sick – I mean, you shoulda seen me when Henry had to get tubes put in his ears when he was seven… I was more afraid than he was, let me tell you – especially since this is your first major sickness rodeo. But she’s gonna be just fine.”
“I know.”
“Then what’s wrong, hmm?”
She swallows hard, trying to keep the words down, but they come out anyway. She’s never really been able to keep things hidden from Ted. “He was right.”
“What?” Ted tilts his head to try and get a better read of her face, looking like a confused little puppy.
“Rupert,” Rebecca says his name with no emotion. “He was right.”
A small laugh escapes Ted before he can stop it. He shakes his head when he sees her looking at him in askance. “I’m sorry but, Rebecca, that’s laughable. The only thing that man was ever right about was marrying you. And look how he screwed that up,” he teases as he reaches out and takes one of her hands, squeezing it gently.
She doesn’t crack a smile at his words, instead still staring off into space, all the things Rupert had always said about how she would be a terrible mother echoing in her head.
“Hey.” Ted squeezes her hand harder to get her attention. “What is it that you think he was right about?”
Her eyes cut down to the countertop as she speaks. “He told me that I wasn’t cut out to have a child. That I wouldn’t be able to handle it. That I wasn’t maternal and nurturing enough. That I was too cold. And he was right.”
“Like hell he was,” Ted practically spits the words out.
Rebecca shakes her head, looking up at him, her eyes flooded with tears. “She asked for you, Ted! I – I have held her and rocked her and given her medicine and sang to her and tried my very best to show her how much I love her through all of this and nothing – nothing I did made any difference. Nothing I did made her feel better. I did everything I could think of and she still wanted you instead.”
“Darlin’, everything you did made a difference.” Ted pulls her up gently, wrapping her in his embrace. She is stiff at first, holding herself rigid. She wants to hate him – she should hate him. The man her daughter wants instead of her. But she’s never been able to do that, not even at the beginning, and she certainly can’t now. Not when she knows him like she does. Not when she loves him like she does.
He rubs her back for a few moments until he feels her relax, just like Amelia had upstairs, before he continues. “So lemme ask you something. When he gets sick, if Henry asks for me, do you think that makes Michelle a bad mother?”
“What?” Rebecca pulls back, aghast. “No! Absolutely not, Ted!”
“Or if Violet gets sick while she’s with Trent and asks to go home to her mama, does that make Trent a bad dad?”
“Of course not.” She sighs, deflating slightly as she realizes where Ted is going with this.
“Or if the Higgins’ boys–”
“Ted. Stop. I get your point.”
“Okay. So then why does Mia asking for someone else automatically make you a bad mother, if it doesn’t make any of the rest of us bad parents?”
Rebecca pulls away from Ted, rubbing her hand down over her face. “Because in those other instances, the other person the child wanted was their other parent who they also grew up with and who has been with them when they were sick in the past. Amelia only has me. You’ve never been with her when she’s been sick before. You’re not–” she cuts herself off, turning away from Ted and taking a drink of the cold tea that makes her wince.
“Rebecca.” Ted’s voice is soft and understanding and she hates how absolutely wonderful he always is to her, even when she’s being an absolute mess or a downright bitch to him.
“I’m sorry,” she manages when she turns back to him. “This isn’t about you. It’s about me – and my daughter realizing that she doesn’t want me.” Her voice breaks then, as she whispers her deepest fear aloud. Worse than all of Rupert’s horrible comments is the fear that, although she and Amelia had bonded what felt like instantly upon meeting and the girl had declared her ‘Mummy’ long before the adoption had even been finalized, that some day her daughter will look at her and declare that she isn’t her real mother.
“Oh, darlin’.” Ted sighs, taking her hand and leading her out of the kitchen and into the living room, pulling her down to sit on the couch with him. “That is simply not true. That little girl loves you so much. Do you know why she wanted me today?”
“Because she knows you’re a better parent than I am?” She tries to laugh self-deprecatingly, but it comes out as a sob, and Ted just wraps his arm around her shoulders and holds her close.
“Because she wanted me to make you feel better.”
“What?” Rebecca pulls back, startled.
“Mmmhmm. I’m under strict instructions that I should take care of you and make you smile. I’ve promised to do my best, and you know that I keep my promises.” He smiles at her. “So you see, her asking for me, it doesn’t make you a bad mother or mean that she wanted me over you. It just shows how much that little girl loves you and wants you to feel better.”
“Really?” A few tears slip down her cheeks.
“Really.”
Rebecca falls back against him in relief, but it is short-lived, as she pops back up a moment later. “Christ. She’s the one who’s sick and she’s worried about me? That’s still not good, Ted!”
Ted looks at her for a moment before he starts telling her a story. “Henry’s birth wasn’t the easiest for Michelle. Recovery was a bit slow-going and I wanted to do everything that I could to make it easier for her. And even after she felt better and could do things more easily, I still wanted to be as involved as I could be, ya know? So anything I could do, I did. Changing diapers, bath duty, bottle feeding, all of it.”
“Of course you did,” Rebecca mutters, more to herself than to Ted.
“Anyway, I ended up being the one to deal with a lot of the more… messy aspects of parenthood, shall we say. Dirty diapers, spit-up… heck, full-on projectile vomiting – I handled all of it like a pro. And as he got older, all the bumps and bruises and scrapes, I handled all that too. When that boy was sick or hurt, I was the one he ran to first. And then, one day, Henry was probably around Mia’s age now, and we were having a barbecue in the backyard. Felt like everybody we knew was there – my mama, Laurie, Beard, a bunch of the boys from the team we were coachin’ then, Michelle’s friends, neighbors, everybody.”
“And Henry, boy, he was in his element, just running all over the place, playing, having the best time. And then, on one of his many runs around the yard, he turned around to look for the player who was chasin’ him, and he didn’t see where he was goin’, so when he took his next turn, he took it a bit too sharp and ran headfirst right into the edge of one of the picnic tables we had set up. Gashed his forehead right open… and I don’t know if you know this, probably do from being around footballers and all, but head wounds… they bleed like crazy.”
“And Henry, he did what he always did when he got hurt. He came running for me, just cryin’ and reachin’ for me because he knew I was gonna take care of him like I always did. But Rebecca, I took one look at that little boy and I saw all that blood coming from his head and I just – I froze. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t help him. He was right there, needin’ my help and I couldn’t do anything. I’m sure I had a panic attack, right there, surrounded by all those people, even if I didn’t realize it at the time. But the sight of my little boy with blood dripping down his face–” Ted swallows hard, shaking his head like he’s trying to shake away the memory.
“Oh, Ted.” Rebecca takes his hands and squeezes them tightly. She can only imagine how horrific that moment had been for Ted.
“Beard stepped in right away, scooped him up, took him inside, got him all cleaned up. It wasn’t anything deep, didn’t need stitches or nothin’ like that. Henry was back running around, laughing like nothin’ had ever happened ten minutes later. But I’ve never forgotten the way I froze in that instant. And neither has Henry – even though everybody says he was too young to remember, he’s never come to me again when he’s been bleeding. Everything else, I’m still his number one. But blood? Heck, just last week when he was hanging out with us at training, he got a nosebleed and went straight to Beard, even though I was standin’ right next to him.”
“He knows I’m afraid of blood. He doesn’t know why – and heck, maybe he doesn’t even really remember that day – but he knows that I am. And so, whenever he bleeds, he goes to someone else for help. Just another item on the list of ways I’ve failed my kid – right after abandoning him to move to another country for three years.”
Rebecca rears back at those words, her eyes blazing. “That’s a load of bollocks, Theodore Lasso! You are one of the best fathers that I have ever seen in my life and everyone knows how much you love your son, especially Henry himself. For you to even consider that something like that means that you’ve failed him or, or–”
“Or that I’m a bad parent because of it?” Ted asks her with a sly grin.
“Yes! It’s absolute rubbish and I will not hear it. You are an incredible father. End of story.”
“Now why is it that you will defend me so passionately, but you won’t do the same for yourself, hmm?” Ted asks and she feels herself flush. “Rebecca, no parent is perfect. We all screw up all the time. And we’re all terrified – of our kids being hurt, of screwing up – all the time. It’s the nature of bein’ a parent. But if you’re questioning whether or not you’re a good one, well, darlin’, the only thing you gotta do to be a good mama is love that little girl – which everyone can see that you do. You love her more than anything, Rebecca. And she loves you just as much, which just goes to prove what a fantastic mama you are. And if you ever start to question that again, Amelia’s gonna be first in line to tell you how great you are. Followed by me. And Keeley. And Higgins. And Deborah. And Roy. And Beard. And–”
“Okay, okay, I get it. I get it,” Rebecca says, a small smile slowly appearing across her face.
“Yeah? Good. Now tell me.”
“What?”
“Say the words, darlin’,” he says, simple as anything.
She knows what he’s doing. She knows why he wants her to say it. Everyone else can believe she’s a good mother, but until she says it herself, she’s never going to drown out Rupert’s voice in her head. She takes in a deep breath and swallows. “I–” she hesitates for only a moment, watching as Ted nods at her, looking so damn encouraging that she has no choice but to keep going, “I am a good mother.”
Ted’s smile is so big and bright it’s nearly blinding. “Well, I woulda said great, incredible, amazing–”
“Ted.” She laughs, shaking her head.
“And I know when she wakes up that Mia’ll tell ya you’re the best mummy ever. But I’ll take that from ya for now.”
She lets herself fall back against him then, her head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around her, holding her safe and steady. “You always know what to say.”
“Nah, c’mon, you’ve heard my ramblings enough to know that ain’t true. But I do always tell the truth.” He brushes a lock of hair out of her face and then gently kisses the side of her head. “Now, hopefully the princess is gonna be conked out for a while longer, so I think you should head on up to your bed and try to catch a few winks too. I know you’ve gotta be exhausted. I’ll hang out down here, get my mama’s famous chicken soup heating up for dinner and listen out for Her Majesty, Crown Princess of Genovia, in case she needs anything.”
“Ted, you don’t have to-”
“I’ll wake ya for mama duty as soon as she’s up and at ‘em, I promise. But darlin’, you need some rest too. Let me help out a little, huh?”
And how can she possibly say no to him after the way he has once again fought the demons in her mind and brought her out safely to the other side?
“Okay.” She nods, then leans over and wraps him up in a tight embrace. There is so much she wants to say, and yet she can’t seem to find the words. “Thank you, Ted.”
“Anytime, darlin’.”
**
Rebecca wakes to the sound of giggles and the smell of something sweet. The giggles aren’t quite as clear as they usually are, a sign of Amelia’s still stuffed nose, but they’re the best sound she’s heard in days.
“Mummy!”
She opens her eyes to find Amelia on the bed beside her, looking much more alert and happy than she had before Rebecca fell asleep.
“She’s been askin’ for ya since she woke up,” Ted says from his place beside the bed, a ‘told you so’ look on his face that she can’t help but find attractive. “But I’m pretty sure someone’s fever broke while they slept. So we swapped out our pjs before comin’ in to wake you up. Figured that’d be good enough until bath time. Oh, and we took some more medicine too, didn’t we, Princess?”
“Uh huh. And look, Mummy!” Amelia thrusts her hands forward, revealing the source of the sweet smell – a pink biscuit box held in her little grasp. “Teddy made biscuits!”
A wide smile stretches across Rebecca’s face as she takes the biscuit box from her daughter before pulling her in close for some snuggles. Her skin is definitely much cooler to the touch and her hairline is a little damp with sweat, but Rebecca doesn’t mind at all. It just means that her baby is on the mend.
“Figured they’d help both Welton ladies feel better. Just don’t ruin your dinner with them or else Mama Lasso is gonna be real disappointed in me.”
Rebecca kisses Amelia’s temple before opening the box and carefully handing one of the biscuits to her before taking another for herself. “Thank you, Ted.” She hopes he knows that she doesn’t mean just for the biscuits.
Beside her, Amelia gasps as she looks up at her and then turns her attention to Ted. “Teddy! You did it! You made Mummy smile again!”
“I told ya I’d do my best, Princess.” He winks at her, then leans in close like he’s telling her a secret. “But I don’t think she’s smiling because of me. I think she’s smiling because of you.”
Amelia looks back at Rebecca with wide eyes and Rebecca’s smile widens. “I believe I’m smiling because of both you and Teddy.” She offers her little girl a wink.
“And the biscuits!” Amelia giggles, taking a bite of hers.
“Oh, most definitely the biscuits.”
Ted smiles for a moment at the picture the two of them make before addressing Rebecca again. “Soup is heated up on the stove for y’all. Extra biscuits are in a container on the counter since I’m not sure exactly how long you’ll be off work with the princess – and because I owed you some for the days we missed. I also brought along some children’s electrolyte drinks and a few over-the-counter medicines in case you needed them. I left them in the tote bag on the island for ya.” He turns his attention to Amelia. “What do you think, Princess? Can Mama handle it from here?”
“Yeah,” Amelia says so matter-of-factly Rebecca feels it bulldoze over any lingering doubts she may have had. “Mummy takes care of me.”
Ted grins. “Yes, she does. And you know why?”
“Cause she loves me.”
“Yes, she does,” Rebecca says, peppering Amelia’s face with kisses and making her giggle. “She loves you so, so much.”
“Mummy!” Amelia squeals.
Ted watches them with a soft look on his face before he gives a little nod and turns to leave the bedroom. Rebecca watches him go and feels a small ache at the thought of him leaving. Rupert’s words have been banished by the feel of her daughter in her arms, and along with them have flown her own self-imposed thoughts of having to do everything by herself. She’s tried that before and it’s always been nothing but miserable. But opening herself up, allowing others in, like Higgins and Keeley, and especially the man about to vacate her house, has done nothing but make her life better.
“Amelia, love, why did you ask for Teddy earlier?” she asks, loudly enough that it makes Ted pause in the doorway to listen for the answer.
“To make Mummy feel better!” she answers easily.
“And why did you ask for Teddy and not Nan or Aunt Keeley?” she continues, her eyes on Ted, turning slowly in the doorway to look at them.
“Because Teddy takes care of Mummy.”
“Yes, he does,” Rebecca says, her eyes locked on Ted’s. “And do you know why?”
“Cause Teddy loves Mummy!” Amelia giggles.
There’s silence then, as Rebecca looks up at him. She could affirm her daughter’s words just like Ted had earlier, words that she knows to be true, but she looks at him instead, wondering what he will say, if he’ll say anything.
He looks from her to Amelia and back again before he nods. “Yes, he does.”
Tears fill Rebecca’s eyes and, before she can respond, Amelia giggles again. “And Mummy loves Teddy!”
‘Out of the mouths of babes,’ she thinks as she watches Ted’s eyes become slightly glassy, one eyebrow raising just a bit in question.
She expects to feel some fear – the fear of being hurt or the fear of being safe, as she’d told John all those years ago – but, looking at Ted, who has been by her side through some of the most difficult and wonderful moments of her entire life, just supporting her and loving her through it all, she doesn’t feel any fear at all. After all, she’s already got someone wonderful who loves her.
“Yes, she does.”
This is the part, in a rom-com, where the music would swell and Ted would rush over and they would kiss passionately. But they’re not actually in a rom-com, no matter how much Ted loves them. And so there is no music swell, only Amelia, unaware of the enormity of this present moment – because she has always known, from the moment they’d met, that Teddy loves Mummy and Mummy loves Teddy, just as she’d known that Mummy and Teddy both love her – saying with blissful ignorance, “I’m hungry, Mummy. I have more biscuits?”
And Ted laughs, moving over to scoop her up out of the bed. “Oh, you are certainly your mama’s girl, aren’t you, little biscuit monster?” he teases, gently tickling her sides as Rebecca climbs out of bed. “How about we see how some soup goes down first?”
“And then more biscuits?”
Rebecca wraps her arms around Ted from behind, her chin coming to rest on his shoulder as she looks at her daughter, held safely and happily in his arms. She feels peace settle over her as she grins. “Soup first, then biscuits.”
“Yay!”
**
Their first kiss happens later, in the hallway outside of Amelia’s bedroom, after Rebecca and Amelia have both had two bowls of soup and a few more biscuits and Amelia has had her bath and a story from Ted and a song from Rebecca before finally clutching her purple teddy bear and closing her eyes, murmuring “Love you, Mummy. Love you, Teddy.”, and they’ve each pressed a kiss to her forehead.
It still isn’t the wild, passionate type of kiss you see in the movies. It’s slow and warm and a little sleepy. But it’s the best kiss – first or otherwise – that Rebecca has ever had. And when she wakes in the morning, wrapped up in Ted’s arms, to the sound of Amelia calling for ‘Mummy’, she has no doubts at all about how much the two people she loves the most in all the world love her just the same.