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It's almost midnight and Akihiko finds himself on the roof of the dorms, not for the first time this week. It was never in his habit but with everything going on he strives for the unfamiliar, the higher ground to make him feel like he's above it all. Like he could fly away if he looked at the sky long enough.
He's not alone. Shinjiro was already here when Akihiko climbed the steps, always in his shadow. Akihiko had never seen him on the roof before, at least not this one. The memories of the school rooftop flood his mind, where Akihiko could touch his shoulder, feel him solid and warm under his fingertips, shake him awake, see his eyes open.
Akihiko supposes they're all looking for someplace to ground them. Shinjiro's been spending a lot of time here since October, brooding and observant as he is. It's usually Akihiko's job to get the conversation going, and it's no different today.
"Is it okay for you to be here?"
It's a cold November night and Akihiko worries. He's always been worried but even more so now. Shinjiro's not taking the suppressants anymore, at least Akihiko's pretty sure he doesn't, what would be the point, and the cold should not make any difference, but old habits die hard.
"I've been colder."
Akihiko grits his teeth. He knows that of course. Having no home for years means dealing with the cold nights. Akihiko thinks about Shinjiro, alone in the back alleys, fighting the biting chill on his own, thinks of his cold-
It's a clear night, stars twinkling all around them with no clouds to hide them. Why think about the past, when the future seems bright like the shining dots in the sky.
"You should go back."
Shinjiro scoffs behind him. "I was here first."
The subtle bickering brings a smile to Akihiko's face. "I can think of a few ways to solve this."
"Hmph… Think you can take me?"
Akihiko's hands grip the railing hard. Oh, how he wants to. Just one punch is all he asks for, but Shinjiro won't let him get that far.
Akihiko looks up at the night sky. He counts the stars, looking for just two that shine brightly just for them.
"Did you know…" Akihiko starts. "That the stars of Castor and Polydeuces are just little heads for two stick men holding hands?"
Shinjiro snorts behind him. "Are you suggesting something?"
"We're all just little stick men, after all." His lips curl in amusement. Akihiko would hold out his hand for Shinjiro if only there was ever a chance he'd take it.
"I'm barely even a stick man, Aki."
'What are you, then?' Akihiko wants to ask, but he doesn't want to cut this talk short. Every unnecessary word is just another chance for Shinjiro to go quiet on him. He hates the quiet. When it happens, Akihiko stands in his room, facing the wall he shares with Shinjiro and taps on the wall. Sometimes he hears a few taps in return and he goes to sleep in peace. Sometimes he taps, and taps, and taps, until his knuckles are bloody and Shinjiro still doesn't reply.
Shinjiro is busy. He must be busy. It's not fair for Akihiko to expect him to hover around him when things get a little tough. They haven't been talking that much for the last two years, why is it only now that Akihiko craves his company so much?
He knows why. Of course he knows why. There aren't many things in this world that can make people realize what they have and how much they appreciate it.
It's only now that Akihiko notices the moon is nowhere to be seen.
"It's a new moon today." Akihiko says absent-mindedly. "Halfway to the next battle."
"Huh… Never thought I'd have something in common with the moon."
It's almost enough to make Akihiko turn around, wondering what Shinjiro means. "Huh? And why is that?"
"It's not there."
Akihiko exhales shakily. He closes his eyes, purses his lips, and pretends that when he turns around Shinjiro will still be there.
He's not. He said it himself.
Akihiko walks back to his room, taking one more look at the night sky. Maybe if he tries hard enough he'll see Shinjiro, somewhere among the stars where he deserves to be. But Akihiko forgot. He always forgets when he comes here and Shinjiro is already waiting for him.
That the Star will always be there, but the Moon will never be full again.