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Crowley loved to sleep. He considered himself quite proficient at it too. He could wake from a several day long nap just to roll over and manage another few days of restful bliss before finally waking properly. Those who know him only superficially would say sleep is what Crowley loves the most on earth. However, that was untrue. Crowley's love for sleep was only rivaled by his love for being around Aziraphale. So when his phone rang just as he was about to settle in for a days long snooze festival he was about to ignore it. Not like it could be the end of the world. He thought. We already avoided that. But on the third ring the slight feeling he got that it just may be Aziraphale couldnt be ignored. He rolled over, grabbing wildly at the cell phone lost in his duvet. Once he found it, he held it up to his face, squinting at the sudden bright light, slightly wishing he had decided to wear his sunglasses in bed ( 1) . The name “Angel” was displayed on the screen. He answered.
“Hello Angel.” Crowley mumbled, still hazy, voice rough with almost-sleep.
“Crowley! So good to hear your voice.” Aziraphale exclaimed, the smile on his face nearly audible.
“We spoke only yesterday.” Crowley responded, teasing yet slightly pleased. He sat up in bed, leaning against the black headboard, all thoughts of sleep having fled him.
“Yes well still, it’s always good to hear from a friend. What are you up to?” Aziraphale replied.
“Mm I was considering a nap but I can change my plans. I assume you’re bored?” Though he had posed it as a question, Crowley already knew the answer.
“How could you possibly know that?” Aziraphale responded, a slight huff in his tone as if he was appalled at being read so easily.
“I’ve known you for 6,000 years, Aziraphale. Plus recently the only reason you call me is to tell me about some good deed, alert me to a problem, or because you are bored. If you had a good deed to tell me about, I wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise, and you aren't speaking in your “there is an issue” tone, so that leaves one option.” Crowley explained, the ghost of a smile tracing across his face. It felt good to know Aziraphale so well, even better to speak about it openly. Acknowledging that he knew the angel well after so many years of feigning being strangers was a welcome relief.
“It gets boring around here, you know! I don’t report to heaven anymore, and I certainly don’t sell anything.” Aziraphale griped.
“Well yes but that's by design, isn’t it? I mean, if you wanted to sell something it would be very easy to find interested buyers.” Crowley responded, brow furrowed.
“Yes of course it's by design, I don't want to sell the books but it's still lonely being here by myself all day!” Aziraphale huffed again. “Besides, I thought you liked hearing about my deeds. Afterall, I listen to your temptations! I bet I could name every place in Soho that you have glued a coin to the sidewalk to-”
“I’m sure you could, Angel.” Crowley interrupted. If he hadn't cut in he was quite sure the angel would make good on his word and list every single one of the 156 locations where Crowley had superglued a coin to the sidewalk. It was a perfect temptation if you asked him, it made humans angry every time. “Now, are you just calling to chat or did you want me to come over?” Crowley replied. By now he was no longer lounging, instead he strutted through the flat before locating his car keys and sunglasses. There wasn’t a world in which Aziraphale just wanted to chat on the phone when they could be face to face.
“Actually I was going to propose an outing, just the two of us.” Aziraphale said.
“Sure sure.” said Crowley, “Where to? The Ritz? Or would you prefer that sushi place that just opened a couple blocks down?”
“I was thinking that we shouldn’t go to a restaurant this time. It’s such a lovely day and I thought it best to enjoy it.” Aziraphale replied, gazing slightly longingly out his shop window. He didn’t dare open them lest a breeze came and knocked over some of his books. No no, the books were too valuable, they deserved the luxury of climate control. But the angel longed to feel some of the warm summer breeze.
“Right so, Saint James’ Park? I can bring frozen peas for the ducks.” Crowley replied, preemptively turning on his heels to stalk back towards the kitchen. He didn’t keep much in the way of food, but he did have lots of frozen peas for the ducks ( 2) .
“We go there quite often. Plus, this isn’t a business deal, it’s a social call! Let’s go somewhere new and exciting.” Aziraphale exclaimed, rocking up onto his toes and grinning.
“Okay sure, new and exciting. Did you have somewhere in mind?” Crowley asked, turning once again to walk back towards the car. At least the angel was making him get his steps in, he supposed.
“I was thinking the London Zoo might be fun. I’ve never been, though I remember hearing when the zoological society was first formed. Have you ever gone?” Aziraphale inquired.
“Nah.” Crowley spat.” A park mostly full of children having a good time isn’t really my scene. Also, you want to go look at animals in cages? You have seen them all! You were literally there for their creation!” Crowley reasoned, stepping into the Bentley and revving the engine.
“Well yes that’s true,” Aziraphale replied “but that doesn’t mean it's not fun!”
“ Fun .” Crowley spat.
“Yes. Fun !” Aziraphale responded, slightly pleading.
There was a beat, the only noise Aziraphale could hear through the receiver was the consistent purr of the Bentleys engine and, occasionally, squeaking tires. He raised his eyebrows hopefully.
“Fine.” Crowley said, to Aziraphale's delight. “I will come pick you up.”
The drive to the London Zoo was uneventful. Or rather, was uneventful by the standards of Crowley’s driving habits. He did push almost one hundred miles per hour on the motorway and narrowly avoided no less than five major car accidents, but that was generally to be expected. Aziraphale spent the ride clutching to any free surface in the car and trying (and failing) to get Crowley to just slow down a bit. Though in the end, they made it to the zoo without being discorporated.
The pair purchased their tickets, more accurately, Aziraphale purchased their tickets. “I invited you out, it’s only common decency that I pay.” he insisted. Crowley eyed him suspiciously but allowed himself to be treated to the experience.
“Well, where should we start?” Aziraphale asked, picking up a map and looking around at the various buildings and walkways.
“This way first.” Crowley confidently, striding to the right of the entrance towards a large cement and concrete building. There was a large mural on the side of a green snake and the word “Reptiles” was engraved above the entrance. Aziraphale half jogged to catch up with his long legged friend.
“I should have known you’d want to go here first. Checking in on the family?” He joked, smiling up at Crowley. In the past Aziraphale’s references to him being a serpent felt slightly jaded to Crowley, as if he was pointing the fundamental difference between the two of them. The former being an angelic masterpiece, the latter being a lowly serpent. But now it felt lighthearted and casual, as if Crowley's serpent nature was just another part of him that Aziraphale had grown fond of.
Crowley smirked. “Actually I'm here to stage a heist, to release all the serpents out in the world so that they may all sow the seeds of original sin for the glory of Satan my master.”
There was a tense pause, Crowley worried that his joke hadn’t landed well with the angel, but after a moment Aziraphale's face split into a bright smile.
“They can't all sow the seeds of original sin, that already happened! Besides I met Satan that one time, he didn't seem to care much if there were snakes in cages.” Aziraphale laughed, earning a chuckle in response from the demon.
“To be fair, we didn’t ask him if he cared about snakes in cages, we were a little preoccupied with armageddon.” Crowley quipped.
“Yes this is true, I personally found it hard to think of snakes when I was decently sure the world was going to end.” the angel replied as they entered the large building.
Crowley swiftly stalked past the tortoises, turtles, lizards, and all other manner of reptiles with legs, while Aziraphale lingered, admiring every single one of the glass exhibits that lined the wall. He found himself quite intrigued by the Chinese Water Dragon for a while, engrossed in reading the facts posted outside the enclosure. A third eye of sorts! How incredible, what will the almighty think of next?
The pair met up again at the large Burmese Python habitat. The large snake was coiled under a heat lamp, bringing its 15 foot long body to a much smaller footprint. Crowley stared at it, seemingly lost in thought as Aziraphale approached. “Quite an impressive serpent.” he said.
“Thank you, I try.” responded the demon, shooting his angel a sideways glance and a smirk.
“Oh stop, you know what I mean.” Aziraphale chucked, shoving Crowley lightly on the shoulder. “It really does have quite the impressive pattern.”
“Yeah, it's beautiful.” Crowley responded, reverentially. They sat in silence for a moment, just admiring the snake, watching its rhythmic breathing, its tongue coming out once in a while to flick at the air. “I forgot how much I quite like watching snakes.” Crowley said, cutting the silence. “I feel like they get me, you know?”
Aziraphale looked at him slightly puzzled. “No, no not really.”
Crowley took a breath, seemingly gathering his thoughts. When he spoke again, it was quiet, as if he was sharing a secret. “Snakes are pretty uniformly hated. I mean, one of the top human fears for sure, I would know. Even God hates them, cursing them in the bible to crawl on their stomachs to eat dust.” Crowley explained, his voice growing slightly louder with passion. “But look, this one here, he hasn't done anything wrong! I bet he was in the wrong place at the wrong time and that's how he ended up trapped behind some glass, scaring children and adults alike simply for existing. He didn’t ask to be put on display like this, and he certainly doesn’t mean to frighten people.” Crowley finished and resumed staring at the snake, shoulders held more tensely than before.
Aziraphale pondered Crowley’s words for a second then, for the first time, took an intentional look around at the other patrons. He immediately noticed that many of the humans milling about were quite scared of the snakes. Even though they were behind glass some of them refused to walk near them, spitting words about how “the only good snake is a dead one”. One child even ran to hide behind his mothers legs when a venomous cobra across the room made a movement that was apparently too quick for comfort. It had been like this from the moment Aziraphale walked in, yet he was blind to it until Crowley pointed it out. He looked downcast for a minute before turning to the demon again.
“Well, at least he is comfortable here.” reasoned Aziraphale. “Doesn’t have to hunt, gets a nice clean place to sleep, that's more than some snakes have, isn’t it?”
Crowley bent down, now eye to eye with the python. “Just because things are okay here for him, now at this minute, doesn’t mean it's not unfair that circumstances beyond his control made like this: stuck and hated for who he is.” he stated. Then swiftly he took off his glasses revealing his slit pupils. He stuck out a forked tongue, wiggled it at the python with a smirk, then placed his glasses back in place and stood up straight. “Come on, Angel. I’m sure you are dying to go see something more cute and fluffy.”
Aziraphale was as excited to see the “cute and fluffy” creatures as Crowley had expected. The angel smiled and cooed and just about every animal, regardless of their interest in his presence. He was especially interested in the walk through bird safari, and spent multiple minutes admiring the myriad of species as they flew majestically in their enclosures. “Look how gorgeous their wings are, Crowley!” he exclaimed, pointing at one large vulture who had their wings outstretched, cooling off.
“I’ve seen prettier ( 3) .” Crowley responded matter of factly, not risking glancing at the angel next to him. Aziraphale looked down slightly, color tingeing his cheeks. They sat in silence for a moment before Crowley broke out into a wicked grin. “That’s a turkey vulture, you know.”
“Yes I know, there is a sign. Also, I was there when they were created ( 4). ” Aziraphale responded.
“Did you know they piss on their legs to cool down in the hot months?” Aziraphale’s expression crumpled into one of disgust.
“You didn’t have to make it gross, Crowley.” he said, but Crowley’s smile only widened.
“Kinda did. Part of the whole demon thing.” He said. Aziraphale just scoffed but smiled slightly.
“Come now, dear boy, you said you wanted to see the tigers?”
The pair walked casually through the big cat area, admiring the felines as they lounged around their enclosures. Only once Aziraphale had to stop Crowley from hissing at a lion. As they left the big cat area Aziraphale turned once again to the map, but not before stealing a glance at the Café just across the way. Crowley looked up as well, noticing Aziraphale’s wandering eyes. It was called “The Peckish Parrot'', and the cutesy nature of the name made Crowley crinkle his nose. While the angel's face was buried in the map, Crowley slunk away from his angel and approached the counter.
He perused the menu, momentarily considering buying Aziraphale the “Little Keepers Lunchbox Meal'' for a laugh. It came with a safari hat that he thought would be quite funny to make Aziraphale wear. But in the end he settled on a variety pack of small cakes and sandwiches, a to-go cup of tea with cream and sugar, and six shots of espresso in a large cup. Carrying his haul, he walked back over to the angel who somehow hadn't even noticed his absence.
“Feeling peckish as a parrot?” He asked, sliding back up to the side of the angel, whose eyes snapped up to his, then flicked down to the food. He smiled warmly, forgetting the map entirely.
“How kind of you, my dear! I rather was.” Aziraphale guided them to a nearby grassy area and they sat on a bench. Crowley had to admit, the angel was right, the weather was gorgeous. The air temperature was comfortable, the sun warmed their corporations just slightly, and the breeze was refreshing and warm. The demon glanced skyward, the blue sky was spotted with just a few clouds. Aziraphale sat next to him, snacks momentarily forgotten as he too sat in appreciation of the gorgeous weather. The light caught the angel’s blond hair just right and made him look even more angelic. He is practically glowing.
Crowley was pulled from his admiration by Aziraphale letting out a hefty, contented sigh. “This really has been a fantastic day, thank you for coming with me.” He turned towards the demon, blue eyes shining in the afternoon sun, and earnest smile on his face. A soft, natural smile crept across Crowley’s features.
“Wouldn’t miss it, Angel.” he said. Aziraphale wordlessly held the box of sandwiches out towards Crowley, who accepted a sandwich and cake. They ate in peaceful, contented silence. Birds, native and exotic, called out all around them. Crowley couldn't be sure, but was pretty positive he heard nightingales.
The pair finished their snacks and drinks swiftly, Crowley leaving most of the food for his angel. It’s not that Crowley didn’t like food, it's just that he didn’t need it, and he enjoyed seeing Aziraphale happy more than he enjoyed consuming food himself.
With their snacks consumed the pair set off once again, shoulder to shoulder, occasionally brushing up against each other as they walked along the main path. They walked leisurely through the rest of the zoo. They stopped at the ape and monkey habitats, sparking a spirited debate over which of the great apes was the smartest. “I feel like we are all underestimating orangutans. They seem sort of the silently smart type.” “No, clearly the smartest of the apes are Bonobos! There have been numerous scientific studies-” “No, actually, I change my answer, I forgot about gorillas. Must be them.”
They then stopped at the entomological exhibit, sparking yet another debate over whose side came up with spiders. “They are one of the most common human fears! It’s literally in their DNA to be afraid of creepy crawly things, it must have been your side!” “Nah see they are too ecologically useful, spiders. We wouldn't have come up with anything that actually contributes to the ecosystem. Must have been your lot. Plus, for all your talk of how spooky spiders are, you always let them outside your bookshop instead of killing them.” “Of course I do! I would never kill them!” Before they finished their loop and found themselves at the exit and gift shop.
“Want to pop in?” asked Crowley.
“To the gift shop? Really? It doesn’t seem like your scene. You’re all minimalistic and such.” Aziraphale replied, though he looked hopefully over at its doors. He was right, Crowley was far less materialistic than he was. Aziraphale liked a decent amount of clutter, it made a place feel homey. Lived in. Very human. Plus it reminded him of all the places he had been and the people he had met. Crowley, on the other hand, felt that clutter clashed with his aesthetic. His flat was purposefully sleek, with only a few items of decor. All of his decor was chosen for one of three purposes: practicality (he needed a bed, a desk, and a few chairs after all), hilarity (sometimes he spotted an item so funny that he had to purchase it), or because he thought it would make Aziraphale flustered to see on the occasions he comes over. Crowley owns a statue of a demon and an angel “wrestling” in a compromising position that conveniently satisfied the last two of his three categories for decor, and therefore was his prized possession.
“Yeah sure why not, let’s go have a look, shall we?” Crowley replied, holding out his arm towards the entrance to make way for Aziraphale. The angel had been right, it was not Crowley’s scene, but it was nice to walk around and shop with Aziraphale. It felt very comfortable and quite domestic. The pair eventually reached a large circular display with practically any animal at the zoo in plush form. Immediately Aziraphale’s arm shot out and he grabbed a large orange and red snake plush.
“Oh you must get this, my dear! It looks just like you! Plus the reptiles were clearly your favorite part of the zoo.” Aziraphale said, smiling brightly. Crowley’s brow furrowed as he examined the stuffed animal. He had never owned one, really had no reason to. The snake’s eyes both pointed outwards, giving it a rather stupid appearance, and a red piece of fabric hung out of its mouth in a vague suggestion of a tongue. It was…stupid. Unnecessary. A frivolous purchase. Yet, Crowley was considering it. Aziraphale wouldn't let up his genuine smiling and Crowley felt his mask of grumpiness slipping away.
“Fine! Yes okay, but you have to get this one.” he replied, grabbing a plush spider. The spider, if it was possible, looked even more stupid than the snake. Its long legs were curved and striped with black and green. It had a perfectly round, fluffy body, with two precisely placed green button eyes and a smattering of smaller black buttons around it that may or may not amount to a total of eight eyes. It had a sort of crude smile underneath the collection of some amount of eyes, and all in all it looked hilariously cartoonish. Aziraphale looked slightly taken aback. “Come on,” said Crowley, “it’ll let all the spiders that make their way into your shop know that you are friend not foe.” Aziraphale softened at that and accepted the plush, holding it gently in front of himself.
The pair finished their shopping, and Crowley made his way to the till with his purchases in hand: his long orange and red snake, Aziraphale’s round black and green spider, a fridge magnet that displayed “The London Zoo” in a neat font (he had said it was “tasteful”, Aziraphale agreed.), and a laminated bookmark covered in an array of animals from birds to mammals to fish. He finished buying the items and was handed a large shopping bag with a large graphic of a penguin on it. Good lord if the dark council could see me now, I’d be a laughing stock. He swiftly handed the bag over to Aziraphale who beamed in response. Then the two turned and walked out to the car park, leaving the zoo behind them.
The sun was getting lower in the sky when they pulled up to Aziraphale’s bookshop. Crowley was about to let Aziraphale out when he spoke up.
“Would you like to come in? It is around dinner time. I’m not a fantastic cook but we could always get take-out. There is a lovely french café across the street that makes excellent sandwiches on the most perfect croissants. Plus, they always have good wine!” Aziraphale rambled slightly, though he didn’t need to, Crowley had already decided to stay before Aziraphale had finished his first sentence.
The pair placed their order at the café, Aziraphale insisted on ordering in french, which was quite rusty, and the pair left with their sandwiches and wine. They made their way over to the bookshop and headed into the back, to a small table with two chairs. Crowley reminisced slightly about the last time they shared a meal here. It was during World War II, the night he had saved Aziraphale from the church, the night of Aziraphale’s nearly disastrous magic act. He smiled at the memory.
Crowley was pulled from his reminiscing when he walked up to the table and noticed the snake and spider were perched on it. “Angel, why are they here?” he asked, gesturing vaguely to the odd pair of stuffed animals.
“Oh I thought it was sort of cute.” Aziraphale responded, then cleared his throat and continued sheepishly. “Plus I didn’t want them to get lonely in the bag by themselves.”
“Lonely? Aziraphale, they aren’t real .” Crowley replied, setting the sandwiches down and turning to shoot his friend and puzzled look.
“Well yes, I know that it’s just…” Aziraphale trailed off.
“...just?” Crowley asked.
“Well I just watched all three of the Toy Story movies and they are having more of an effect on me than I’d like to admit.” Aziraphale exclaimed, looking genuinely distressed. Crowley snickered to himself, trying not to outright laugh at the angel. “I know it's silly!” Aziraphale exclaimed. “A girl popped into the shop one day and we ended up talking about movies and she told me I just had to watch it and I wanted to speak with her about it if she came in again and-”
“Yes yes, Angel, that's very sweet. Okay. The spider and the snake can stay.” he said, dabbing tears from his eyes. “I'm sure she appreciated the gesture.”
“Oh I don’t know she hasn’t come back since. Though she did recommend basically every Disney movie to me. She was surprised I hadn’t seen any of them already.” Aziraphale responded, sitting down and handing Crowley his glass of wine and sandwich before unwrapping his own.
“Mm I’ll watch a few with you. Hunchback of Notre Dame, that’s my favorite.” Crowley responded. They ate in relative silence, occasionally reminiscing about their day, and sometimes thinking back on old adventures together.
Several hours, and many bottles of wine from Aziraphale’s “special occasions” stash, Crowley bid the angel goodnight. And if the snake plush made its way onto his bed that night, well, that was nobody's business but his own.
Footnotes:
1 He had done this a few times, just in case a demon decided to pop by unexpectedly. He had a cool appearance to keep up, after all. He decided to stop the practice when he crushed his third pair by rolling over in the night. He may be on Hell's payroll but he didn't want to keep replacing them.
2 He did, of course, keep the essentials on hand: A rather fancy coffee machine he used to make copious amounts of espresso, flour, eggs, milk, and butter to make crêpes if Aziraphale came over, a selection of tea, and quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol.
3 Crowley had only seen Aziraphale's wings a handful of times. Keeping the wings out of the physical plane and in the celestial had gone out of fashion for both angels and demons soon after the garden, as it generally causes humans to ask too many questions. He remembers them vividly nonetheless.
4
This was not untrue, per se. As a principality, Aziraphale actually witnessed very little in terms of creation, which happened at a cosmic scale with angels more powerful than he. Aziraphale was more a guardian, first of Eden in general, then specifically of the eastern gate once the humans had made their debut. Though he was there when the first flock of birds, all of different species, made their way across the new blue sky. He counts that as being close enough to the time of their creation.