Chapter Text
ADÆ
September 7th, 8:45AM
Kenji: I know no one in my homeroom besides Kyouka!!!
Dazai: look at him 👀
Dazai: so innocent 😇
Dazai: yet to be ruined by the horrors of high school 😟
Atsushi: dazai can you be quiet please
Dazai: high school changed you my bro 😣
Dazai: we used to be the best of friends 😔
Naomi: PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP.
September 7th, 12:32PM
Junichirou: So how's everyone’s day going?
Ranpo: terrible i want to strangle everyone
Yosano: Around the same as him
Yosano: There’s a pretty girl in my class tho
Ranpo: Ozaki Kouyou. Senior, 17. She has Math next.
Yosano: What the fuck is wrong with you
Ranpo: stay mad
September 7th, 3:34PM
Kunikida: Hello.
Dazai: why do u type like that’s its disgusting 🤢
Kunikida: Like what?
Dazai: grrrrrr 😾
Kenji: I got detention!!!!!
Kunikida: What?”
Dazai: lmao
Dazai: i got detention on my first day of high school 😘
Kyouka: My sister says that was because you almost killed someone.
Dazai: who tf ur sister? 😃
Kyouka: Ozaki Kouyou.
Dazai: damn 💀
Atsushi: dazai tf you mean you almost killed someone
Dazai: you know that senior 😉
Atsushi: i’m going to need you to be a little more specific
Dazai: Chuuya Nakahara ❤️
Atsushi: …yeah
Dazai: we had a fistfight and we both brought knifes! i was the better fighter though so he had to go to the hospital 😘
Kyouka: …
Atsushi: damn bro
Atsushi: idk what to say
Kunikida: Wasn’t that also the boy you dated sophomore and junior year?
Atsushi: YOU HAD A BOYFRIEND AND DIDN’T TELL ME?????
Dazai: aha
Dazai: im going to go kms now
Dazai: bye!
Kenji: it is Naomi’s turn to go save him, correct!!!
Kunikida: @TheBetterTanizaki
Naomi: ugh okay
Naomi: skipping class for this shit
Kunikida: Thank you, Naomi.
Naomi: anytime 😘
Kunikida: So. Kenji. What did you do that landed you in detention?
Kenji: I threw a chair at my teacher!!!
Atsushi: ASDHFJKSD
Junichirou: excuse me what
Kenji: he was being creepy to Kyōka!!!!
Kenji: so I hit him with a chair!!!!!!
Atsushi: naturally
Junichirou: which teacher
Kenji: mori!!!
Junichirou: based
Atsushi: ^
Kenji: I don’t like him!!!
Kyouka: I don’t either.
Dazai: no one likes him 😊
Junichirou: welcome back
Dazai: besides
Dazai: Higuchi 😍
Dazai: and Akutagawa☺️
Dazai: and the other akutagawa 😊
Dazai: and chuuya ❤️
Atsushi: why does ur psycho ex you never told us about keep coming up????
Dazai: he’s not psycho 😡
Kunikida: He tried to strangle you.
Dazai: in a kinky way 😉
Kunikida: You passed out on the gym floor.
Yosano: can confirm I was there
Yosano: Mr Fukuzawa was v concerned and then i took him to the nurses and beat him up in a janitor's closet that was on the way
Kenji: I LOVE MR FUKUZAWA
Kyouka: As do I.
Atsushi: everyone loves mr fukuzawa
Atsushi: besides like the mafia kids
Kenji: the what???
Atsushi: everyone calls them the mafia kids bc they act like a mafia
Atsushi: rumor is they’ve killed ppl
Kenji: ooh!
Kenji: can i befriend one :)
Atsushi: no
Kyouka: You already have.
Kenji: who?????!??!?!?
Kyouka: Me.
Kenji: ???
Dazai: Fyodor Dostoevsky 😜
Dazai: smash or pass 😘
Naomi: isn’t that the weirdo who's gonna be valedictorian
Dazai: SALUTATORIAN*
Dazai: but yes 🥰
Naomi: pass
Kyouka: Pass.
Kenji: smash!!!!
Naomi: KENJI
Atsushi: FHJKLDSFJG
Kenji: he looks like he’d be fun to punch in the face!!!
Atsushi: oh thank god
Atsushi: pass
Dazai: what 😡
Atsushi: man freaks me out
Junichirou: he called me a slur once
Dazai: WHAT 😡
Junichirou: yeah lmao
Junichirou: i mean he wasn’t wrong
Ranpo: GUYS GUYS GUYS!!!!
Atsushi: yes ranpo?
Dazai: yes Ranpo?
Kyouka: Yes Ranpo?
Kenji: Ranpo!!!!
Junichirou: hey ranpo
Ranpo: junichirou 😡
Junichirou: im not doing the fucking bit
Ranpo: 😡
Junichirou: no
Ranpo: wtver loser
Ranpo: I MET AN AMERICAN BOY
Ranpo: oh and a really annoying kid i want to hit in the face 😊
Yosano: tell me who it is and i will do it :)
Ranpo: Oguri Mushitarō
Ranpo: I have english with him
Yosano: kk
Kenji: and… we’re sure we’re not mafia kids???
Atsushi: oh plenty of us are former mafia kids
Atsushi: former mafia kids sound off
Dazai: 😊
Kyouka: Hello.
Yosano: someone feed me cyanide
Dazai: and one of us is in loooove with a mafia kid
Atsushi: i am not
Yosano: dazai we all know you stil have feelings for chuuya
Junichirou: if you spill ill fucking kill you
Naomi: HELLO????
Naomi: jun you better fucking tell me
Junichirou: no
Junichirou: dazai already knows
Junichirou: that is punishment enough
Naomi: :(
Ranpo: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE AMERICAN BOY
Atsushi: okay ranpo!
Dazai: ok Ranpo!
Kyouka: Okay Ranpo!
Kenji: Ranpo!!!!!!!
Junichirou: i dont want to hear about the american boy
Naomi: me neither
Ranpo: ill fucking spill all your secrets
Naomi: try me bitch
Ranpo: …
Ranpo: fuck you have no secrets
Naomi: <3
Ranpo: choke
Dazai: me
Kunikida: ?
Kunikida: Oh.
Yosano: the sexual tension
Dazai: tf
Yosano: its about time you got a rebound you old ass man
Yosano: smash or pass dazai
Naomi: pass
Ranpo: pass
Dazai: i thought you were a real one ranpo
Ranpo: i’ve moved onto the american boy
Atsushi: pass
Kyouka: pass
Kenji: pass!!!! dazai scares me!!
Kunikida: Smash.
Dazai: EXUSUCE ME?????F?
Kunikida: You are an objectively attractive man, Dazai. I would have to be blind to not notice as much.
Dazai: fghjksdg
Ranpo: yosano was right
Yosano: i always am
Ranpo: what about kyouou?
Yosano: SHDFJKDFHF SHHHHHH
Yosano: her sisters here
Ranpo: exactly
Yosano: fucker
Ranpo: father fucker*
Kenji: please do not say things like that!!
Yosano: sorry kenji!
Dazai: sorry Kenji!
Atsushi: sorry Kenji!!!
Junichirou: sorry kenji
Ranpo: tf you’ll do it to him but not me?
Ranpo: picking favorites smh
Junichirou: and what about it
Ranpo: damn
P(retty)M(otherfuckers)
September 4:23pm
Akutagawa: I am going to kill Atsushi
Q: invite me to the wedding
Akutagawa: who the fuck let you in here
Q: :)
Gin: you scare me kid
Q: :)
Q: you better invite me to the fuckign wedding
Higuchi: Language Gin! There is a kid here!
Higuchi: Oh.
Q: I’m 14 not a motherfucking toddler
Gin: chuuya better watch out or his title of “scariest person at yokohama high” may be stolen
Q: :)