Work Text:
Scribble. Scribble.
There it is again.
The sound of a mechanical pencil glides smoothly through the small notebook. The same small notebook that Vera often sees daily, hundreds or even thousands of times at this point after a year of going on missions with her- their commandant. Apparently, Cerberus had finished one of their missions to 'clean up' an area that had a lot of Punishing Virus infected, and they are waiting for the transport craft to come pick them up.
Vera observes how the commandant keeps rubbing her eyes as the dust bothers her when she is writing. Her own eyes twitched. Being a construct does not come with the sensitivity of being human, but part of her wishes is that the dust will go away faster so she doesn't need to get her eyes maintained, definitely not because she wishes that the commandant won't feel bothered by the dust or by the temperature in the area.
The commandant raises her eyes for a few moments to survey their surroundings, just in case there's any chance that the infected would ambush them, and then she fixes her gaze on Noctis and No. 21, who are arguing about the temperature. She snaps the cover of the dark notebook shut and holds on to it almost as though she were planning to keep it in her pocket until she can hear how No. 21 barked at the man with the crimson locks.
"Can't handle the heat is better than can't handle being in the cold!"
" What!? No, no, you are wrong. I'd rather die of freezing than being in this kind of weather! Just look at the dust and the heat, man! I feel like I'm in an oven already!"
Noctis shot back an insult at the little girl standing in front of her. Vera clicked her tongue after dragging her eyes from the commandant to warn her squad members. She gives them a threatening look while deliberately honing the edge of her weapon with the other hand. After witnessing how the three of them interacted with one another, the commandant was seen hastily writing things down in her little notebook. Vera failed to notice this.
Cerberus.
It was followed by some doodles of angry looking dogs.
No. 21 prefers warm weather than the cold.
Noctis, however, loves the cold more than the hot weather.
I need to ask Vera someday if she prefers the cold or warm weather. Apparently, she's too irritated now with the other two.
When the commandant hears the sound of a transport craft approaching in the distance, she puts the book down and closes it. She does a quick scan of their surroundings, aware that her team may occasionally be sloppy and leave stuff lying around in random places. She heaves a sigh and then laughs when she notices an eye patch sitting on a rock that Vera had previously used as her place to rest.
"Vera.."
She calls the crimson-haired construct as soon as they board the transport craft. The other woman tilts her head towards the commandant with an expression that verges on displeasure as she considers the several extra problems that her team has dealt with. After that, the commandant makes her way to Vera, which doesn't take very long, taking into account how compact the ship is. After that, the commandant reaches Vera's face with the eye patch by raising herself up on her toes just a little higher.
"You left this just now on the rock you sat on, I hope your eye will be better soon"
The commandant cracks a wide grin, pleased with herself for caring for her constructs. After that, she gets up and leaves Vera standing alone.
"Commandant..?"
"Yes, Vera?"
"Did you hurt your head somewhere? Should I bang your head on the wall to make you normal again?"
After helping Vera feel better after suffering from discomfort in the eyes, the commandant blinks, wondering where she had gone wrong. Later on, the Death deadpans.
"Constructs won't get infections or bacteria in their eyes like humans do, why do you think I wear this eye patch except for accessory?"
"Oh."
The rest of the ride to Babylonia was in silence, with No. 21 and Noctis sleeping (do constructs need sleep?) and Vera glaring at them for letting their guard down.
"Happy birthday, Chrome!"
Everyone in the room exclaimed as soon as the leader of Strike Hawk strolled into the room. Apparently, Hassen gave Strike Hawk permission to use the room for their leader's birthday party. Of course, this was Kamui's idea to begin with. He enlisted the help of Cerberus, Gray Raven, and the Purifying Force. There was an extensive choice of foods available, notably cake. They say that ignorance is bliss, so the Commandant of Gray Raven and Cerberus didn't dare ask how much Hassen spent on them.
At the end of the day, Gray Raven and their commandant surprise Chrome with a gift they collectively purchased. A robotic cleaner, to be precise.
"Why a cleaning robot?"
Cerberus' commandant speaks up, confused by the gift choice by the Gray Raven members.
"Well, Chrome actually prefers to hold the responsibility to tidy and clean up Strike Hawk HQ," Lucia stated, and Chrome continued the conversation by sighing.
"It's a miracle by itself if they clean their own room; more than enough, I would say. But really, thank you for this. I will use it wisely."
Not long after, the event ends with everyone helps to clean the borrowed room, mostly the Gray Raven and the Purifying Force as Strike Hawk was dismissed, preventing the leader to have additional work and enjoy the day instead. Cerberus, on the other hand, was also kicked out dismissed by Bianca following an argument over the nature of the work to be done.
The team immediately goes off on their own once Cerberus has arrived at their headquarters. The commandant proceeds to her own desk, where she takes out her customary small notebook. Her long, slender fingers click the mechanical pencil as they flip over the pages, looking for the right place to jot down the most recent piece of information she has garnered.
Strike Hawk
Chrome's the one who cleans up their HQ. Likes something that is practical to him and his tasks.
Then, she turned over to the next page.
Gray Raven
Lucia, surprisingly can be as observant as Lee.
"-mmandant, commandant~"
The voice snaps the commandant out of her daze, and she twists her head to the right. Only to come face-to-face with her favourite construct. She recoils slightly to create some distance between them after the action causes her to blush. She recognises that familiar grin on Vera's lips. Vera then looks through the commandant's notes from behind her back. She raises her eyebrows and lets it pass.
"W-what is it, Vera? Anything's wrong? Need my help?"
"Heh, worry over yourself first before me, you are too weak to live without us." Vera mocks but the commandant knows she implies no harm. She knows how the way she behaves and speaks after a year working with them.
She looks at the girl and smiles, "I know. For humans like us, death is an everyday occurrence. The sole real difference was the time frame."
Her attention returns to the little notebook, where she mulls over additional tweaks.
A flash of pain in Vera's eyes goes undetected to the commandant. She clenches her teeth for a split second, then huffs and continues.
"I don't want to talk about this, my commandant. Just curious, what would you like to receive as a gift?"
She looks at Vera with wide eyes and a little tilt of the head as if she were taken aback by the inquiry. At this moment, Vera thinks that her commandant is a puppy in disguise and she wants to pat its head, brings her for a stroll.
"I don't know, I don't think I have anything that I like so much, but if someone does give me a present, I appreciate it, really. I don't mind what the gift is."
Vera's eye twitches, she's so annoying, she thinks. Yet another attempt to learn more about her commandant was unsuccessful. A question almost flies over her ear when the commandant speaks. She then turns the subject back to Vera, who responds with a roll of her eyes and a tone of sarcasm.
"You getting tied up by me in your room would make me satisfied, commandant~"
"Find the missing squad from that zone, bring them back if possible."
President Hassen has stated as much. Cerberus has been requested for deployment to a potentially dangerous region. In this predicament, only sensible decisions would do. The commandant, familiar with Cerberus's customary methods, issues an important reminder that they must remain together until the missing team is located.
When No. 21 hears an explosion a few kilometres away, her M.I.N.D. alerts her and she hisses. The commandant gives her team the go-ahead to move cautiously. They were only a few metres away from the source of the explosion when they started hearing the clinking of metal and the clanking of weapons.
When Cerberus finally arrived, the infected had been cleared away, but the missing squad was still there, lying on the ground and appearing to be unconscious (including their commandant, who was struggling for air). However, the constructs of the missing unit happen to be on the ground, a short distance from their commandant, and are operating at a bare minimum. They have so little consciousness that they are almost dead. They are reparable and able to be maintained but only with a certain amount of work.
The commandant runs towards the other commandant who is having trouble breathing, but as she gets closer she is warned by her M.I.N.D that the level of the Punishing Virus has suddenly increased.
Their commandant can't be saved.
Indeed, she is aware of this. The vulnerability of living as a human is something she is all too aware of. She is painfully aware of how fragile they are in this line of work. But she resolved to give it a shot, if not for the other commandant then at least for herself. Suddenly, the other commandant whispers, with barely any life in his voice and the eyes.
Save my constructs, please.. I can at least hold on our M.I.N.D connection until they are maintained and go back home.. to where they belong..
For the first time in her life, the commandant of Cerberus wants to laugh during her time of assignment. The irony! It's as if she's addressing her future self, should she ever find herself in an equivalent situation. She takes a big breath and nods at him, showing her understanding.
"I will ask my constructs to maintain them a little to take them home. Please, hold on until then, sir."
After waiting a few seconds, she orders Cerberus to support the other squad's constructs. No. 21 and Noctis surprisingly work well finding parts for the constructs, and Vera, without wasting much time, performs her work as a support construct. Neither the typical malice nor any actual spoken words come out of her mouth. She is Death, and she takes whoever she wants, but the commandant has seen that today, like on any other day, she has no plans to execute others.
"You have my thanks, leader of Cerberus, we need to go to our commandant there, he's barely maintaining our connection-"
Bang.
A gunshot can be heard throughout the desolate building. One bullet drops to the ground, one hole through the the soul of the commandant and another hole carves by itself within the heart of the commandant of Cerberus when she hears the scream and anger coming from three constructs who just got maintained not too long ago.
Vera is experiencing conflicting emotions for the first time since her activation date. For the first time ever, No. 21 feels like her commandant who usually acts like her big sister, sees the cold of a commandant should be. For the first time ever, Noctis feels like the commandant does not have the same gentle hands that bake with him every two weeks.
For the first time ever, the weight of a gun does not change when a bullet drops after it has been shot.
To her, it becomes heavier. Almost as heavy as the unknown grief she carries every day.
Squad XXX
The commandant was a respected, loved and adored by his constructs.
His eyes were kind when he gave his dog tag to me, I put it inside my pocket and carried its weight all the way back to Babylonia.
The burden and grief that I carried weights more than that thing.
His constructs like him. They scream with anger in their voice at me when I took their commandant's life. I bowed my head and took the blame for killing the commandant when a funeral was held for him. The constructs apologized to me saying I was just fulfilling his last wish.
Will Cerberus scream or cry with anger if I die one day?
She blinks and sighs away her thoughts. No, she wasn't supposed to write this. Wrong page, dear self.
Cerberus
After some observations, honestly, I am not sure if Cerberus can scream with anger or even cry. They can be noisy, for sure. But they are what I call 'white noise' in my daily life, I don't mind it, to be honest
Inhales, exhales. Writing nonsense in her notebook apparently wasn't enough for distraction. She needs something more and long lasting. Writing takes too little time (or she's just writes too fast, who knows?)
Her mind was churning with a maelstrom of intense feelings. She must leave her personal room to engage in something. Quickly, she walks to the training area where a range of weapons can be found and obviously, other commandants who had a lot of spare time in their hands. She quickly grabs a gun and some earplugs and begins firing at anything in her line of sight.
One shot, one take of breath.
She wishes that she can hold herself up as she holds the gun.
Minutes, or hours passed. The other commandants had all left, perhaps to get to bed. Thus leaving the Cerberus commandant all by herself. At least, that's what she believed until she realised she could actually feel someone standing next to her. She looks to her right and sees her support construct right by her side.
She immediately returns the revolver to its holster and removes the protective gear. The Commandant sighs and rubs her face. Not again.
"Vera, it's dangerous to freak me out like that while I'm holding a gun.."
"That thing can't kill a construct like me." Vera gives a wicked grin, her eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Hmm, but it can kill me like I killed that command-"
"Enough. What the hell are you thinking right now? Don't use that dumb brain of yours to think about petty matters. You, of all people should know that!"
Vera scoffs at her commandant. She rarely gives a fuck about other people's thoughts but the woman who's now in front of her, face-to-face is making her furious. The woman in front of her is not the commandant she knows. This is not her. Even no. 21 who's younger than her is unsettled seeing the current commandant. The red haired construct does not think twice before pulling the Commandant out of the training area, bringing her away before her patience running thin.
After hours of fiddling with the gun and her state of mind, the commandant is too worn out for her to persist. She comes out of her stupor to find that Vera is still clutching her wrist and that they have returned to her room.
"Hah, now you do know how to feel tired? Can't even walk on your own? I have to ask for rewards after dragging you back to your own room."
She says nothing and settles on a leather chair in front of a desk piled high with papers, some of which have been signed. She spins the chair around till the commandant's back is against the desk and Vera is facing her.
The woman, who was leaning back and staring at the ceiling, broke the silence,
"Sometimes I wish I'm not a human, I'm an AI or even a weapon. I wish I could analyze all consequences of my own decisions. I wish I could rip out this heart and brain of mine so I can't feel or remember things-"
When the owner's robotic arm forces her back against the desk and gives a frightening growl, she immediately stops talking.
"Don't. You. Fucking. Dare. Finish. That. If you continue, I'm gonna rip out your tongue and give it to my bionic dog."
Vera's fiery orbs are only a few centimetres from the commandant's dark brown eyes. Above her head on the desk, her hand still held the commandant's wrists down.
"Then, what the hell do you expect me to do!? Sit here and boss you around!? Like a fucking mannequin? Let you guys take all the blame when it was my fault!? You don't understand, Vera.. You don't.. " Tears are starting to form within the commandant's eyes and Vera releases her grasp a little on her wrists.
"Then make me understand you! Make us understand you! We are fucking constructs not your mind reader!"
A moment later, everyone in the room is surprised by Vera's violent slamming of the door as she exits. And when they recognise that the Death is the one leaving, they keep on doing what they were previously doing without adding their two cents to the matter.
She doesn't see Vera as much as she used to because of the whole ordeal with Vera storming off the room. She will go to Cerberus' headquarters every few days to 'monitor' her own squad from getting into more troubles since they are known to be a nuisance in Babylonia no matter what assignment they were given, just to witness Noctis and No. 21 looking at her with a deadpan look. Like it's nobody's concern if Vera vanishes.
The same question will be inquired to the two troublemakers.
"Where's Vera?"
The same response will be given as before.
"She's got an assignment by Nikola."
Sometimes, the commandant will have tasks with other constructs too or one of the Cerberus members only, but never this often.
While the commandant does work with other constructs and individual Cerberus members on occasion, this frequency is exceptional.
She doesn't know what to make of that. Is there anything wrong with her leadership skills? Is there anything wrong with her capabilities? Is she not enough?
She finally decides to cease probing her team after nearly a month. Perhaps Vera, and possibly the rest of Cerberus, would rather hear Nikola's orders delivered immediately.
She vents to her faithful sidekick, the journal, about all the difficult emotions she has to bear.
When Vera is out for some time, the commandant chooses to spend more time lounging around with her squad at their base. With Noctis' enthusiasm and No. 21 confused but eager face, discussing what should they bake for their next successful mission celebration until midnight arrives. She ushers them to go to sleep and correct their sleeping schedule.
Not that different from their own commandant who usually stays up later than usual writing on the notebook she keeps though.
Vera hasn't come back..
The commandant stares off a distance after settling down on Vera's bed. Constructs typically do not possess any natural scent like humans do but in this moment, she desires that they do. She then slips down to rest in the bed of her admired construct, leaving her small notebook on the closest desk.
The commandant's intuition warns her that something is wrong. She feels like a threatening intruder is in the room with her. She rises with a jolt, and her fears are correct. Almost instantly, she is forced back down on the bed with both of her wrists gripped above her head.
She readjusts her field of vision and stares at the perpetrator, whose hand is on the crown of her head while the other hand wields something else.
It's my journal..
The attacker then closes their distance and goes for her ear to whisper slowly.
"Sleeping on my bed and leaving your journal on the desk? What a defenceless commandant you are, hmm?"
Undoubtedly, her subconscious is now finally catching up with her, and she is too well acquainted with this voice to ignore it.
"Vera..? Did you just get back from the mission?"
Vera hums but offers no response. The commandant doesn't appear to mind that she's preoccupied with something. But then the commandant realises that Vera has her journal in her other hand. When the commandant tries to stand up, Vera's strength prevents her from doing so, prompting Vera to twist her lips into a grin and return to her notebook. The commandant finally gives up and lets Vera read it while she covers her face in despair.
No. 21 and Noctis are still sleeping in the silent room, with only the sounds of page turns and breaths audible, at least until her ears pick up an interruption from the medic.
"The last time I checked, you were a commandant. Our commandant. Not a journalist."
Vera sneers at her commandant, who's still in the same position. The diary? Notebook? Journal? Vera doesn't give a fuck about that. Doesn't want to. All she wanted was to understand her commandant. Out of all the things she knew from the book, her commandant looked at the world as if it were her purpose to understand it. To remember it. Not how the world wanted to remember her. The commandant of Cerberus.
"You have too much time to learn about others huh? I wonder if we are the only Cerberus members here; maybe I should ask Chrome or Lucia if they are joining-"
"And you have too much time working for Nikola instead of being with- I apologise; I have no right to complain.."
Afraid that Vera will leave again for another assignment without knowing if she will ever return again, the commandant responds softly, indicating that she is not capable of having this conversation at nightfall while others are slumbering, yet she needs to get the unpleasant feeling out of her chest.
Vera's expression of surprise becomes apparent as she involuntarily releases the commandant's wrists. She wasn't expecting that the commandant had this particular side to her. She breaks out in laughter at how adorable it is.
Vera then drops the book on the desk and allows herself to lay down on the bed before pulling the female commandant, who yelps in disbelief, into her embrace. For a while, they simply remained still in the serenity, just before Vera breaks it.
"I think I just got a new puppy."
The commandant gives her a puzzled look before shrugging it off and hoping she gets up by sunrise so she can steer clear of those two pairs of eyes and their questions in mind.