Work Text:
INGEST THE BEAN by mako
“writght I swear to fuckifn god.” Edgeworth said aft er the trail that seemed to go on for centuries. “why did you hav to ruin everything by upDATEING THE AUTODPSY REPORT”???????
phoenix surveyed his distresed expression and started to caclkle. “ok but edgey you did that like 153324 times. Turnabout sisters anyone. U cant be jtalking……….. u meme machine” pheen repliesd, smirkin.
“I haat eyou so fuckign mcuch why wa s I even friend s with you?????”
“Bc apparently a prorcupicnne stole ur lunch money”
“that porkupicne deserves to Die” miles literally colud not take anymore of pheens sass.
“many people have tried. But pensi wrigh is unbeateabl e, I am immortal and I hav vfallen fronm heavnen to join sintonw”
“s a good thing that I know what im doing, oyou will tdiie by m hand”
“ok whatever the point is that I won the trial and you lost so HA GET REKT EDGEY Boy “ pheon laughed even harder as edgeworth grew steadily more angrier . he was about to bplow his fuckign top.
“AM I InTERRUPTITNG ANYTHIgn” yell detective detecitibe as he stom p right betweent he two.
“go the fuck away gumshoe” edweorth saiys.
“that is IT I am ot working for u anymore im gonna go off by myself and eat instant ramen for the rest of my life. “
“haha,,,,, that shounds like something you woul d do eggworht” sayds wright, grinngn.
Miles puts up the middle ifingers. “FUCK U!!!! I AM A DISTINGUishe D GENTLEMENAN and I drink only THEFINES T OF TEAS” he proceeds to try to strut and then he walks in to a wall and almos falls on his face.
“when u try ur best but u don’t suc c e e d…..” phoenid sings frolrnly.
“goddanmn it I am a professional” mils says, grabbing phoens sholder and looking at him in his eyes. That s gya.
“mile….. wht the fukc are u doigng I am tyring to suppres my homoseuxla tendencieS” phhen is really turned on but ofcourse theyre bros!!!!!!!!! they cant be anything else society saiys so and also von karma but who the fuck lisntend sto him
“phoenix swirigh. If u ver pull a trick ly ke that again in mY FUCKIGN courtroom I will end I u I swear it on me pa”
“……”
“……..”
“ur pa is… ded”
miles edgeowrth the great actlaly exploded. He exploded.
His fist pulled back and he trie to punch phoenix straiht in the face. But litktel did he knwno that feen is God. Pheen caught his fist mid punch in a swift movement and held it, starign in aawe.
“holy mother of unholy shit” pheen said
“bro…” mile s si s so turned on and so hggay
“broo………” hpen reiterantes., staring into miless tsuneder eyes
“b r o…..”
“ B R O…..”
an then they kis
edgey worth realiees that ihe is actualy the gays et person in existanc eand that phoenix wrigh is his one and olny tru lov. Phoenix catching his fist mad em him realize. That he was gay, and also reall y turnd on . phoenix wrigh oculd upstown funk him up, and edgeworht deciced this ain that very monment.
Al pheon conlul think was” hlly shiT’
Aedge worth was the hottest tater to t on the tater tot erath. He neede d 2 enter his as s ……….into the courldt record. “I am so Very Bisexula” pheene six seaid and pulled out a ringpop. /how do I even hav e this/ he thouthgh but it didn’t matte.r
“edgworth. I hav e a n important uquestoin”
“ys wright m y lvo e……… m y slim e man,,,,,,”
“will u marr y me” opheoenix is sobbing tear so f joy as he uplls out the ringbpop and kidzpbot stars playgin in the distance and miles is tcryin. “fo course feen. I lobv u…….. and I always have…….”
“dONG DING” maya yell tyring to imitate wedding bells “youa re now joined in holy fightrimony “ she say. She knowt hat even fi theyre married they will never cease to Fight. She like this
“hwa t a beautifiyl wedding, “ sobs gumshow. “I am so porud of u eddworth . I am so hap phy that I bought oyu a flower with a fuckisng cravat on it. And a nother cravat. And a cravat with a cravat and a nother cravat on that cravat ant---“
“u are so thoughtful gumshoe” edword crys and he puts on the 79287 cravats at once.
“das hot,,,,” pheen say. “das flaming ghot”
“what are u gna do about it hmm (wink emojji)” say edgew. (yes he says wink emoji out loud he doesn’t even wink he proubl’ably cant. )
“bro,,,, les fuck’”
“les miserable was suckh a good muscia.” Says edgeworht and then the y go to pheens apartment and they dot he thingfs while quoting lays mizz and eating Chips out fo the Garmbage .
they lsvi together happily in broly fightrimonly and they hav slipepery chilndren and they are the kidng s of trash together. The end. Also maya is Gay
and gumshoe is stil laughigni alone with instant ramen,,, forever