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eiji wakes up from a light sleep to the feeling of being watched. he knows ash is looking at him hesitantly. he glances to the alarm clock on the bedside table, 3 am. did he have a nightmare again? or did he not sleep at all?
he shifts under the blankets to let his anxious lover know that he is awake. the only light in their bedroom is the light from the night sky peering through the windows.
“im sorry for waking you. i know its really early.” ash says, he looks calm. way too calm. as if he has been sedated.
“its alright, i wasnt having a good time sleeping anyway.” eiji smiles at him, ash feels a little more at ease at his boyfriend’s tired yet elegant smile.
“is there something bothering you?” eiji follows up. he is pretty sure now that it is not a nightmare, if it had been he would not be this calm and so obviously exhausted.
“not really i guess.” the blonde gives him a momentary fake smile before he has his hand in his hair, grabbing in frustration, but not pulling. “i dont want to lie to you anymore, im sorry.” he says.
ash had been working on healing his inner-child recently and realised that he always lied when he was little in order to keep himself safe from danger. he reminds himself that eiji is safe. there’s no need to lie to him. he decides to ask for a favor.
”eiji, can you tell me something you like about me?”
it is a step that ash had been getting more and more comfortable taking lately. inviting eiji into his mind and thoughts before he reached the point of breaking down.
the japanese boy’s lips curl up into a radiant smile at the request. he doesnt agree verbally, instead he just starts talking, as if he’s been waiting for the opportunity his whole life.
“thats easy. i like seeing you smile, i like having you in my arms, i like how hard you fight to better things in our lives, i like how you always try to right the wrongs, i like seeing your peaceful sleepy face in the mornings, i like your hugs, i like life with you. i admire your courage, i envy your impulsivity and i love that youre being more honest with me now and showing me more of you.” ash stares at him with a sunny smile of his own.
he has grown comfortable with eiji’s love and his compliments, they no longer shock him or feel fake, he no longer feels undeserving. he knows the older means them completely.
“is that good enough?” eiji asks, genuinely curious. ash looks deep in thought for a split second before his face settles on a confident expression.
“you like my impulsivity, huh?” he asks, mischevious and excited as his brain finally registers eiji is safe.
the black haired boy simply nods, his smile gone by now but his face still infinitely affectionate.
“wanna do something impulsive together?” the blonde offers.
eiji hums and pretends to be thinking, eventually he beams as he says “i’d love to. what do you have in mind?”
ash looks shy to say it but with an encouraging hand squeeze from eiji he blurts out “lets go stargazing.”
“right now?” his boyfriend questions. his voice holds no disagreement or judgement in it, it is a voice laced with wonder.
“right now.” ash laughs, embarassed.
—
they pick up a bedsheet they havent used in a while and two cans of soda and waddle their way out onto their garden in pyjamas. it is chilly out, but not cold, more like comforting.
they lay the bedsheet onto the wet grass and place their cans in the middle of it. it had been raining lately, the night is tender and quiet for the most part. they can hear crickets chirping, which ash refers to as “theyre gossiping about us.”
hearing his used to be “tough” and mature boyfriend making such a childish comment makes eiji’s heart fill with pride. they lay on the bedsheet and hold hands.
“ew its wet! eiji, is my back touching the grass?” ash instantly sits up.
“no, youre on the sheet still.” eiji confirms after looking, “i think its just because it rained today, the grass is still wet. i feel it too.” he reasons.
“it feels strange.” the blonde comments, and then its silent between them.
the silence is eventually broken by the sound of the black haired man sitting up and popping open his soda with a fizzy noise following it.
“we came here to stargaze, idiot, stop staring at me drinking soda and look at the sky!” eiji warns him.
the american laughs and sits up as well, putting both his hands up in the air, signaling “you got me there.” he eventually says “i just think it looks attractive.”
his boyfriend looks at him in fake disapproval and then they both lay back down. instead of their hands finding each other again, ash playfully tosses a leg over eiji’s legs. the ravenette doesnt seem to mind for a little bit, until he tosses his leg over ash’s, competitive.
its a stupid fight with no real winner as they end up cuddling in the end, the fight for leg dominance now over.
they finally start gazing up at the sky. “i cant see shit.” ash comments bluntly.
“its because of the city lights, we could see the stars so much better if we were in izumo.” eiji explains and adds “we can still see the moon though.”
“where? i dont see it.”
eiji grabs the blonde’s wrist gently and makes all his fingers but the index one curl into his palm, guiding his hand to point to a few very grey clouds. the moon is hidden behind them safely.
“woah.” is all that ash can manage. he had never had the urge or chance to observe the night sky and the moon back in his old life. night time meant territory fights or prostituting back then. “i didnt know it looked so beautiful.” he comments, in awe.
“it is beautiful.” eiji confirms, “there are a lot of beautiful things in life, it makes me so happy to see you discover them.” he shares with a content look on his face, holding his lover tighter in their warm embrace.
“it was a part of my attempts at healing my inner child, to do things ive wanted to do as a child.” ash’s smile is heavyhearted as he says, “i am letting myself mourn what i lost, but the fact that im mourning doesnt mean i dont get to try the things i used to wonder about. perhaps i am too old for this, but it helps and thats what matters, right?”
“totally.” eiji nods in agreement, “there is no age too old to heal and better yourself.”
then it is silent again, a long, peaceful silence where they both take in the night sky, admiring it’s beauty and tenderness. they both feel serene and secure.
the japanese man speaks up once it has been a few long minutes of silence, “ash?”
ash hums in response, distracted.
“i am really proud of you.” eiji grins proudly at his lover.
“i think i am too.”
life was beautiful in that moment, more beautiful than it ever had been.
skin illuminated under the moonlight, lips connecting, arms tightly embracing, laughter spreading. there is no witness more precious to the love shared between people than the moonlight.
fin. <3
“there are a million reasons why the world is a warm place,
i refuse to be cold because of the few reasons it isnt.”