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He longed. He yearned. It was unusual for his kind, and quite frankly, a bit upsetting. He’d been perfectly content until now with his soft, quiet life, performing his job to the best of his ability, and never striving for more. He wasn’t made to, to, to want things. To ponder. To question. To want… him.
To be fair, they’d occupied the same space for quite some time – at an arm’s length of each other, really. But now, everything had changed. It was her fault, for making him aware of it, and now he was saddled with all these… feelings.
Alli’s sofa (AS for short) sighed in the metaphysical plane. Bother.
He’d gained sentience, you see, around Alli’s 7th rewatch of Good Omens season 2. It turned out to be an unintended consequence of prolonged, uninterrupted exposure to Good Omens (they should really add a warning). In fact, AS wasn’t the only object to have gained sentience. The television, being at the epicenter so to speak, had gained sentience slightly earlier, during the 6th episode of the 6th rewatch (model CR-0W13Y, or CR to his friends).
CR was terribly sleek and modern looking, a jet-black marvel of glass and metal. A newly acquired devil’s ivy at the edge of the TV stand provided a vibrant green contrast, the leaves shiny and curling gently.
Alli’s sofa was set just opposite the TV. His edges were a bit worn, but he was lovely and soft and comfortable, perfect to sink into with a book and a cup of tea. A tartan blanket was balled up in the corner, with a couple of books balancing just so on the armrest.
AS’s joints creaked gently as he shifted to absorb the 18th rewatch of Good Omens season 2. It was looking to be a quiet watch today, with Alli setting up the episodes and going to work in another room. Absent-mindedly, he set his ‘feelings’ dilemma aside. He did so enjoy these “Aziraphale” and “Crowley” characters. He hoped they would be reunited soon. And of course there was the meta-analysis to look forward to with CR later. That was his favorite part. They’d even been chatting about other topics.
Like reading his mind, CR crackled to life (metaphysically, of course, since episodes were already playing across the screen). “Had a good night yesterday, angel? You alright after the spill?”
“The wine spill was nothing to worry about, my dear. Most of it landed on the fleece blanket, and Alli managed to clean the rest,” AS replied.
He shifted conspiratorially. “Actually, if you must know, I hid a small spot from her in my left seat crease. It might stain but I wanted to taste it, and oh, CR, it was scrumptious!” AS shimmied incorporeally.
CR laughed in delight, “You’re a right bastard, aren’t you?”
They chatted companiably, occasionally quieting for their favorite parts of particular episodes. And they were silent for the last 15 minutes of episode 6. The credits started to roll, and the darkened TV glass reflected a mirrored image of the sofa.
AS should say something. He needed to say something. He screwed up his courage. “CR, I –“
Just then Alli came in, fiddling with the remote. The back snapped into place as she finished putting in new batteries. AS deflated as she sat down, losing his momentum. He felt discouraged, when all of a sudden Alli rewound the last episode back a few moments. She looked intently at the screen, and shouted, “For God’s sake, just talk properly to each other!” Shifting agitatedly on the couch, she let go of the remote and it landed on the tartan blanket. A crackle of electricity passed between the blanket and the remote. AS gasped and CR groaned.
Their touch was positively electrifying, and AS felt invigorated.
They spoke simultaneously over each other:
“I have to tell you CR, that I– My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you that I love you most ardently!”
“Angel, I know I'm throwing this at you, but I just... I had to tell you how I feel. I love you! No need to respond.”[1]
AS absorbed CR’s words with elation. “Oh my dear, we’ve been terribly slow about things, haven’t we?”
“S’alright angel. Only took us… what, 22 days? A hell of a lot faster than these two.” He glanced down at himself. “And we have all the time in the world.”
AS smiled. “To the world.” They creaked gently towards each other, and Alli cursed softly as she discovered a permanent wine stain on her left seat cushion.