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It’s rainy in Gotham the day Damian’s funeral happens.
It’s private - just Bruce Wayne (with his face all smashed up), Alfred, Dick, and Tim.
“Maybe you should say something, Bruce.”
Yeah, yeah he should. He was thinking about it for awhile. What to say, what to include, what to highlight.
All he can focus though is how smaller the coffin is compared to all those he has carried.
He feels like even Jason’s was bigger than Damian’s. (Perhaps it was. It doesn’t matter. Jason’s not even here. Does Jason even know that Damian died? He didn’t show up to Tim’s funeral either. That doesn’t matter either. Where’s Talia? It’s doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore.)
Why does the world he has to carry get heavier and heavier - younger and younger? Hasn’t he suffered enough? He will get his son back. They always seems to come back. They always do, like a migrant bird coming back to their nest space for the summer.
The winter just happens to feel so long this year.
——
Dick Grayson leads his brother back to the mansion while Bruce and Alfred wallow in front of the grave. Tim’s been quiet pretty much the whole funeral. Maybe muttered a word after Bruce’s speech.
It’s weird - when has Dick Grayson, the first boy wonder (who was fueled by his parents’ death), become so used to funerals? When has he learned to know how heavy a child’s coffin is? When has he learned to accept the aftermath of life taken away too fast?
The silence is comfortable, almost overwhelming.
But the first one to break the silence is Tim.
“Was mine that small?”
“Hm?”
“Was my coffin that small too?”
It’s a loaded question.
“Not really.” (But it was smaller than it should’ve been. It was too big for Dick Grayson to carry yet he did.
He did because he had to.)
They’re drenched and these suits are heavier when wet. Tim doesn’t seem like he cares or he even perceives it. Dick knows that this isn’t Tim’s first funeral. Tim’s lost more people than he can count on one hand. Tim’s been to numerous funerals, graves, and memorials. Families, friends,
But a child’s coffin is not something familiar to Tim. Especially a younger sibling.
Did Dick respond this way too, when Jason died? Was Dick speechless too?
Did Dick also have this hope of getting them back some how?
(Foolish boy. He should’ve known that he would continue to lose people. Death is intertwined with the Graysons and as much as Dick wants to be an exception, he would never be one.)
“This was my first kid’s funeral, actually.” Dick knows. “I thought coffins would be lighter if they were child-sized.” It’s not. “How are all coffins so heavy?”
Because death isn’t kind.
Dick only hopes that Death is kinder to Damian than it ever has to others in this family. It’s the only thing it can do after so long of a tragic life.
“We’ll get him back, Dick.”
“We will. We’ll make sure of it.” It’s a loaded statement. They both know it’s a loaded statement. Death has never been permanent in this household but that alone has a price one must suffer. When has death become a thing of reversible nature in Dick’s life?
“How many times have we died, huh? I’m sure with the amount of times Ra’s have died he could come back tomorrow with the amount of Lazarus pit he inhaled as a baby.”
“Yeah, yeah he would. He’s too stubborn to die anyways.”
“Bastard. Dying before me. I thought I’d die before him, you know.”
“Me too.” Tim whips around to see him, eyes slightly wide, just enough where only Dick would know that his baby brother is surprised. They both know what Dick really means. “Come on, let’s get you to shower before you die of chills. It’d be terrible if you died too. I’d hate to hoard Alfred’s famous pancakes alone for next few weeks.”
“You jackass.”
Barbara is calling. Dick doesn’t want to pick up. But he does.
(When did he start to prioritize the grief of others?)
(He doesn’t want to know the answer.)
The suit is drenched from rain but maybe - just maybe - if he doesn’t change, maybe if he stays the same, Damian will come back.
Time isn’t forgiving. Dick knows that. The time bends in the most unfortunate ways possible just like the sun rises and sets on its whim.
He knew he would lose his family once again. It’s a tough job.
He knows that he’s going to probably lose Bruce before Bruce gets his first gray hair. He knows he would lose Alfred soon enough. He knows he’s lost Jason once already and at this rate, Jason’s going to die again and he’s not going to come back. (Jason doesn’t do well in funerals. Would Jason even want a funeral?) There will be a day where he’d lose Tim, Steph, Jason, Barbara, and more all again.
Some died without getting a second chance. Some died without even seeing all their adult teeth. Some died without seeing gray hair. They can’t keep having second chances. He knows more than anyone.
Dick Grayson is not a selfish person.
Dick Grayson is not a selfish person.
Dick Grayson is not a selfish person, as long as it’s not about his brothers.