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"Bye, have a good night and thank you for coming." Shu finished saying goodbye to the last clients, a smile always on his face during work hours.
He closed the planetarium after making sure everyone had left and walked calmly to the observatory. The buildings were next to each other, so it didn’t take long for him to reach the metal door that hadn’t been opened in a while. He searched in his coat for the key, a rusty big piece of metal with a spaceship keychain. He looked at the little ship and smiled gently.
The door opened with a loud creaking sound, and Shu closed it quickly, as if scared someone would come inside. The light switch was low on the wall, Shu always had trouble finding it. When he finally pressed it he realized he had forgotten the place a bit. There were spider webs and dust, products of him not coming to clean for the past few months.
He ignored the mess and went to a desk with a tiny drawer, opening it with care. The reason for his visit was inside, and it was none other than a very old video camera. Shu picked it up and blew the dust out of it, it had been a whole year since he last used it.
Camera in hand, he returned to the planetarium and sat down on one of the empty chairs. He breathed in, letting the cold air reach his lungs and stay there for a few seconds before breathing out. No matter how many years passed, his hand always trembled a little when he pressed the play button. The camera made a starting sound, and in a few seconds a video started playing on the tiny screen.
-
The background was a big living room, cream walls decorated with balloons and other usual party stuff. Before the camera there was Shu himself looking young and happy, laughing as the cameraman came too close and almost shoved the lens in his face.
“Be careful Luca! You don’t wanna break the camera the first time you use it.“
The cameraman then turned it around and recorded himself, a toothy grin on his face as he looked at the new object.
“This is the best present ever! Thank you so much Shu!” He looked to the side and smiled to Shu so the camera didn’t really catch it, but Shu still remembers how he looked.
The video then continued with Luca going around filming everyone at his birthday party. Family, friends, presents, even the cake with a big 13 written on it with chocolate.
“Luca, leave the camera and come here or we will eat all the cake!”
His mother’s voice sounded in the distance and Luca quickly finished the video.
-
The camera stayed silent for a few seconds and jumped to the next video. It started with a pitch black screen, but Shu didn’t worry about the video, he knew this is how it started.
“Luca, are you sure your mom lets you go outside this late?” Shu was once again the first one to speak, worried as always when Luca wanted to do something he shouldn’t.
“Yeah, don’t worry Shu! We are almost there.”
The camera was looking at the ground, but by the sounds one could guess they were walking through some kind of forest or place with tall grass.
After a couple seconds the camera finally looked up, revealing to the viewer a night sky full of shining stars. You could hear Shu going “woah” in the back before Luca sat down and pointed the camera at the sky again.
“I wanted to record this for the future. Look Shu, if I zoom in they look even more shiny!”
The camera zoomed into one random little dot that shined fiercely. It didn’t look particularly good on camera, but for those two kids that dreamed of the stars it was more than enough.
“Shu, when we go to the stars we will bring this camera and record them from reeeeal close!”
Shu giggled next to him, he always found it very funny when he started saying crazy things.
“There’s no way I can go there Luca, you know my dad wants me to work at the company with him.”
There was sadness in the little boy’s voice, Shu could only sigh at the memory.
The camera suddenly fell to the ground, darkness was once again all that could be seen, but not for Shu. He remembers how Luca dropped the camera and turned around, his warm hands enveloping his as he looked at Shu with those lavender eyes that shone brighter than all the stars in the sky.
“Shu, I promise I will go there and record them for you with this exact camera! You’ll see them just as I did, that way it will be as if we were there together!”
Shu still remembers how his heart was beating so fast it almost came out of his chest, cheeks bright red and mouth open but without speaking a word.
It was dark, but Luca still smiled for him and held Shu's hands tighter. He didn’t say anything, they just stayed there looking at each other for a while before their gazes shifted to the stars above them, and as they laid on the grass watching the night sky, Luca fell in love with the stars, and Shu fell in love with him.
-
“Come on Shu, we’re gonna miss it!”
Luca's energetic voice sounded deeper this time, but that child"like passion for the stars was still there. The camera looked back at Shu, who was panting from following Luca running up the hill. It was pretty dark, but one could still see the boy trying his best to catch up. Shu looked older, his hair longer now and tied in a low ponytail. He remembers being in his first college year around this time, Luca was still in highschool.
They ran up the hill and sat down at a good spot to watch the sky. Luca turned the camera to Shu, holding it with one hand so he could poke Shu’s cheek with the other as he laughed.
“Luca stop it! We’re gonna miss the stars!” Shu tried to push him away while laughing, his smile perfectly captured on camera.
“Oh shit you’re right!” Luca shifted the angle so it was now looking at the sky. In a few seconds flashes of light started pouring over them, a sea of stars that for a few hours seemed to move a little closer, mesmerizing even when recorded with that old camera.
Shu felt a lonely tear dripping down his cheek silently, the memories of that day vivid like it was yesterday.
“It’s so pretty…” Luca spoke while filming, and Shu didn’t notice at the time, too absorbed with the stars above them, but the camera gently tilted down, filming him and zooming on his face, an amused expression on him.
The Shu in the video looked at the stars with shining eyes, because this was the closest he could ever be to them. His dream of going to space was long forgotten, instead replaced by a promise made by a younger Luca years ago. He would go to space and bring him the stars trapped in that old camera, a silly yet inspiring dream that kept them both close, closer than they realized at the time.
“Look Luca, film that one!” Shu pointed at one particularly bright star, and Luca tried his best to capture its beauty on tape.
The video stopped a few minutes after that, both of them saying goodbye to the camera and going back to enjoying the meteor shower.
-
The next few videos consisted of short moments of Luca’s life. Some parties, some meetings with friends, trips to the beach, just usual young people activities. One of the last ones was filmed by Shu himself. The camera focused on a smiling Luca wearing his graduation clothes, jumping around and cheering then running to hug the cameraman. That was the day Luca finally became an astronaut, all his hard work paid off, and Shu couldn’t be happier. Or at least that’s how it should have been remembered, but now it's a bittersweet memory.
Shu presses the pause button when the next video is about to start, taking a deep breath. He’s seen it many, many times, more than he would’ve liked to. It doesn’t get any easier with each year that goes by, but just like he did all the other times, he prepares himself and presses play.
-
The video starts filming the inside of a small spaceship before it's turned around to face a now older Luca. His blond hair is tied up in a messy bun and he’s wearing his research team’s uniform. He smiles at the camera and waves his hands before speaking.
“Hello Shu!” He says with so much energy a few coworkers behind him turn around to look. “I’m finally in space! Woooo!” He throws his arms up and cheers, gaining a few giggles from the other guys in the ship. The camera floats around slowly, and Luca does a few flips in the hair to show Shu the gravity there. He then grabs the camera and brings it too close to his face so you can only see his eyes. “This is really cool, but do you wanna see something cooler?” He asks as if Shu could answer right then. The camera is turned to film a window, and there it is.
In all its splendor, space. Millions of stars shining, illuminating the vast universe. “I wish you were here with me Shu.” Luca’s voice sounds a little sad as he zooms in, the old camera trying its best to capture the image of the shining stars. “You know, this is awesome and I love it, but it feels kinda empty… Maybe it’s because you were always with me when I watched the stars, so now I can’t picture them without you.” There’s a few seconds of silence before Luca chuckles at something only he knows. “What am I even saying…” He turns the camera to look at him, his cheeks a little red. “I’ll film more for you later okay? Now I have work to do!” He smiled, said goodbye, and the video ended.
-
A loud alarm is the first thing that can be heard the moment the last video starts. Luca holds the camera tight as he moves around the ship and presses a button that makes the alarm stop. You can hear some people crying behind him, others are simply floating around in silence. Luca goes into a storage room and closes the big metal door behind him before moving the camera to his face.
He looks… defeated. And yet there’s still a smile on his face. “ Hey Shu! I think this is gonna be my last video, so please listen until the end!” He said with the most obviously fake enthusiasm as he let his body rest against the cold metal wall.
“I’m really sorry Shu, but I don’t think I’ll be going back home. There was an error in our predictions, a big pile of space junk that was supposed to be far away hit our ship a few hours ago. We have tried our best to find a solution, but the damage is just too big. The engine is fucked, there’s a hole on one of the main areas and we are almost out of oxygen. The ship is gonna crash on earth eventually, we’ve already warned the central. Everything we can do now is wait till oxygen runs out…”
Shu had never seen Luca like that, so full of sadness and regret. He looked at the camera, those lavender eyes that used to shine brighter than the stars were now dark and lifeless. Luca took a deep breath and sighed before dropping the camera and slapping his own face. When he pointed the camera at him again he had a smile on, and for a second his eyes shined with hope again.
“But let’s not talk about my imminent death shall we? I have a lot of better things to tell you! You know what Shu, remember when we used to say that the stars are the prettiest thing in the universe? Well, I learned that that is not true! Wanna know why?” He asked with a more playful tone and winked at the camera. It still made Shu giggle after all these years.
“Because you are the most beautiful thing in the whole universe.” Luca’s cheeks grew hotter, but he didn’t care anymore, this was his last chance to tell Shu how he felt.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to say this before, I’m so so sorry Shu.” He tried to keep the smile on his face, but tears formed in the corner of his eyes and started floating around him.
“I love you Shu, I’ve loved you since we were in high school and looked at the stars together. It’s true that this was my dream, but I always felt more motivated to come to space because of you. I wanted to bring the stars to you, I wanted to make you happy, I… ” He paused for a moment and looked at the camera, and Shu could feel as if he was right there staring at him. “I think you were my dream all along.”
“I know it sounds cheesy, but what the hell I’m about to die, at least I’ll die being cringe.” Luca laughed at himself, that loud contagious laugh that Shu loved so much. “Honestly, I’m very scared right now Shu, I don’t know if you can see it but I'm actually shaking.” He let the camera float for a bit and showed his hands, and surely enough they were shaking a lot.
“Shu, I wanted to thank you for everything. Thanks for being by my side literally since I was born, perks of being neighbors I guess.” He giggled remembering when Shu used to babysit him.
“Thanks for giving me this camera for my birthday, you can’t imagine how happy it made me, especially when your mom told me you bought it with your own money. Yes, I know I’m not supposed to know that but it slipped and she told me to keep it a secret. Can you apologize to her for me? Tell her that little Luca couldn’t keep his promise of not telling you.”
“Also, thank you for always coming with me to parties, It really wasn’t the same without you. Oh and I’M SO SORRY FOR HOOKING UP WITH THAT GIRL IN HIGHSCHOOL, I WAS SO DRUNK I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.” He shouted as if that would make Shu forgive him, but how could Shu be angry at him? Sure, it hurt a little to see Luca kissing that girl, but who cared about that anymore?
“Aaagh I’m so mad at myself, I shouldn’t have been a pussy and just told you I had the biggest fattest crush on you… I never got to kiss you! That’s so sad Shu, I wanted to kiss you so bad.” His head dropped down and Shu felt like he was seeing a sad puppy. “It’s kinda embarrassing to say this but… could we kiss in our next life? I mean, If you want to of course! I-I’m not forcing you or anything, heck I don’t even know If you like me too! Do you…?”
Shu felt a tear run down his cheek as he answered mentally. Of course he loves Luca, he always did and that would never change.
Luca sighed, his breathing slower with every second that passed. “Well, I think it's about time I finish this video, I don’t want you to see me dying. There’s a safe in the ship, I’ll put the camera inside and hope it survives so you can see the videos. If it does and you are seeing this, nice! You got to see me embarrass myself one last time because I’m head over heels for you. If it doesn’t survive… Well, I hope my message can still reach you in other ways.”
Luca moved the camera closer to his face, his smile never fading away. “Shu, every time you look at the stars I will be there watching, so don’t miss me too much okay? You will never ever be alone, I’ll always be there with you even if you can’t see me. If things start moving in your house, that’s me as a ghost saying hi!”
He gave the camera one last apologetic smile, he felt the strength starting to leave his body as it got more difficult to breathe. “Also, don’t be sad all the time, okay? Go out with our friends, meet new people, fall in love, enjoy your life, just… don’t forget me. That’s all I ask for, and I promise I won't ever forget you Shu. This is my last goodbye, please remember everything I said! I love you Shu, thank you for making me the happiest man, I hope I made you happy too. Okay, goodbye, POOOOO"” And with that the video ended, there was nothing else after.
-
Shu felt tears dripping down his cheeks like rivers. Even after 15 years he still cried as much as the first time he watched it. He could barely register the sound of the planetarium’s door opening and someone walking up to him, only reacting when that person touched his shoulder.
"Shu, let’s go." A voice spoke behind him and Shu knew exactly who that was, but it still took him a few minutes to stop crying and get up.
Kuro stood there beside him waiting without saying a thing. Only when he saw Shu getting up did he start walking towards his car that was parked outside. Shu followed in silence, his gaze meeting Hikarino’s when he exited the planetarium. His little brother was resting on the hood of Kuro’s car, a sad expression on his face the moment he saw Shu with red teary eyes. Shu stood before his brother for a second before going for a hug, and Hikarino hugged back in silence, a tear falling on Shu’s clothes.
The car ride was silent, like all the years before. Shu sat behind the two and watched as Kuro drove, his hands firm on the steering wheel. There was a golden ring that matched Hikarino's in one of his fingers, and Shu remembered that Luca’s brother and his were actually married. He would never say this, but it hurt a little to see what he could’ve had if the accident didn’t happen.
Shu knew both Hikarino and Kuro already guessed he felt that way, but no one ever said anything. Kuro didn’t talk to him much to begin with, and Shu knows it’s because he blames him for Luca’s death. It’s okay though, he can take it. He knows Kuro loved Luca a lot and losing him was as big of a shock for him as it was for Shu, so he doesn’t care if Kuro blames him. If that makes him feel better, that’s all that matters.
They arrived at the cemetery pretty quick and walked together to Luca’s grave. It was a big white marble stone with “Luca Kaneshiro” engraved in golden letters. Kuro and Hikarino went first and spent a few minutes there, leaving the flowers they had prepared. When they finished Shu walked up to it and crouched, his fingers caressing the cold stone.
"Hey Luca, I’m back." He greeted and sat before the stone, not caring if his pants got dirty.
"If you’re wondering about the planetarium, it’s still doing great. People love it just as much as I do. I hope you are doing good up there, I’m… well, I miss you. Shocking right? Me telling you that I miss you again." He giggled to himself and looked up at the darkening sky as if Luca would be able to hear him louder that way.
"I know I say the same thing every year, but it’s the truth. And just like I say that every year, I have to repeat yet another thing. Sorry Luca, but I can’t fall in love with someone else. I’ve tried going on dates, believe me, but I just can’t. Don’t be mad, okay? I can already see you pouting and going “but Shuuuu!” " He laughed just imagining him. How could he love someone else when his heart was still so full of Luca? It was absolutely impossible.
"Kuro and Hika are waiting for me, I should go. But don’t worry, I’ll come back next week and bring you some tulips, so don’t miss me too much." His fingers caressed the marble one last time before getting up. He looked at the few stars that started to be visible with a fond smile.
"Just wait for me a little longer Luca, I’ll join you when the time comes and we will watch the stars together again."