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Sometimes you can’t help but wonder if Nanami has a sixth sense.
He calls you on Tuesday night with no warning. The sound of the phone ringing brings you out of your reverie. You glance at the screen, anxiety clawing at your throat. The only time someone ever calls you this late is if they have bad news. You study his photo for a moment before answering the call. It’s a picture of him on the beach from the trip you two had taken to Thailand only a few months ago. In the photo he’s smiling at you, a pair of stylish sunglasses perched at the top of his head. In the background, the sky is painfully blue and dotted with fluffy white clouds.
“Hello?” You say, your voice wavering lightly. You can almost hear him frowning at the other end of the line.
“I missed you today,” he says.
Relief floods your system and you let out the breath you had been holding. “Oh my God, you scared me,” you say, scrubbing a hand across your face.
“Were you asleep? I’m sorry,” he replies.
You smile and pick at an imaginary spot on your pajama bottoms. He sounds sleepy himself, his voice a little more gravelly than usual. “No…I wasn’t sleeping, I was just…” your voice trails off.
The truth is, before he called, you had been on the verge of tears.
“How did your shopping trip go today?” He asks.
You swallow thickly against the knot forming in your throat.
The shopping trip? Yeah. It didn’t go well.
With your best friend’s wedding rapidly approaching, you and the rest of the bridal party had decided to go dress shopping in the city. You had anticipated experiencing some discomfort, after all, shopping for dresses for curvier bodies has always been a struggle. But this morning you had been hopeful. It’s 2023…you had thought to yourself, you were bound to find something.
Except you didn’t.
You had tried on dress after dress and you couldn’t find a single thing that you liked on your body. A few of the other girls had managed to find things that fit perfectly, which made the experience even more infuriating.
“It was…okay,” you say meekly. Even after months of dating, it was still hard for you to share all of your feelings with him. Especially about something like this. This was something you should be able to handle on your own. You’re not ashamed of your body, but the process of healing your relationship with it has been long and filled with ups and downs. It’s a slow process, and some days…well, some days just suck, like today.
“Just okay?” He asks. You can hear the sounds of him shuffling around in his bed. You’re suddenly hit by a wave of longing for him. You wish he was here so you could fall asleep in his arms. You miss everything about him, his smell, his laugh, the little crinkles that form at the corners of his eyes. You like the way he huffs and puffs whenever he talks about Gojo, and the way his eyes light up when he talks about Itadori. “Did you find something for the wedding?”
The question hangs precariously between the two of you. A part of you wants to tell him everything. You want to tell him how you didn’t like how your boobs looked in the blue dress, and you didn’t like how your stomach looked in the green one, and how the dusty rose color you liked so much actually made you look washed out and tired. But you also know that if you told him all these things that you’d probably start crying, so instead you take a deep breath and you stuff the feelings down. You can deal with them later, on your own.
“No, not yet. Me and a couple of the other girls have to plan another shopping day. But we have time, we’ll find something,” you say. You hope you’ve injected enough cheer into your voice to throw him off the trail.
“Hmmm, so you mean that’s another day that I won’t get to see you,” he teases.
You can’t help but smile. “I guess so,” you say with a little chuckle.
Nanami hums and then yawns. “Okay, so, now will you tell me the truth?” He asks.
You freeze. The truth? “The truth about what?” You ask, genuinely confused.
“The truth about the shopping? You don’t sound like yourself at all,” he says.
You chew on your bottom lip and stare at the wall. “I’ll have you know that that was my best performance,” you say ruefully.
“Well then, please don’t become an actress, ever,” he replies dryly.
“Kento!” You say indignantly. He laughs and it sends a wave of butterflies in your stomach.
“I apologize. But it’s the truth, you’re a terrible actress,” he teases.
“Hey, that is not nice,” you say with a little pout. You let out a loud sigh and plop back onto your pillows. “Why did you call me anyway? Just to tell me how terrible I am?” You ask.
“I called you to tell you that I missed you. And that I need you in my bed,” he grumbles.
“Is that all I am to you? A quick lay?” You ask jokingly.
“I need you in my bed every night. I need to fall asleep next to you every single night for the rest of my fucking life,” he says. He lets out a little sigh and then falls silent.
“Really?” You ask, your voice suddenly sounding small.
“Yes, really. Now will you please just tell me what’s wrong?” He asks.
You close your eyes for a moment. His words are still reverberating around in your head. I need to fall asleep next to you every single night for the rest of my fucking life. It’s something that up till this moment, you didn’t know you needed to hear. And hearing it made you realize something extremely important, you needed to fall asleep next to him every night for the rest of your fucking life too. Suddenly, all of the sadness you had been feeling earlier begins to fizzle, releasing its grip on you. You have to tell him, you realize, it’s the only way you’ll be able to be free.
So you tell him. You tell him about the blue dress, and the green dress and the pink one and he listens. He listens to every word you say. He doesn’t push or probe or ask questions, he doesn’t try to give you any unsolicited advice…he just…listens. And as you talk, you begin to feel lighter. You realize in this moment how tightly you had been holding on to your sadness, and your frustration. For the first time since you had gotten home, the tightness in your chest has eased and you can finally breathe. When you’re done venting to him about your gripes with the plus size clothing industry you exhale deeply.
“Feel better?” He asks.
“Immensely,” you say with a little laugh. “Thanks for listening.”
“My love, you can call me at any time, and you can talk to me about anything. Anything that’s bothering you…just…don’t be scared to let me know. I might not have all the answers but…sometimes just talking about it helps.”
“You’re right. I figured you wouldn’t want to listen to me talk about why I fucking hate Torrid.”
He laughs. “Baby, I would listen to you to talk about re-grouting your bathroom tiles.”
This makes you laugh. You curl up on your side, your head on the pillow. “Did you mean it?” You ask softly. You don’t explain what you mean by ‘it’ because you know he understands.
He remains quiet for a moment and then his voice comes through, just as soft as your own. “Yes. Every night.”
You fall silent and listen to the gentle hum of your air conditioner. The only light in your room comes from a small lamp in the corner. It flickers in and out like a candle, casting shadows on the walls. You’re suddenly aware of how cold you are and you crawl beneath your blanket, savoring its weight and warmth. “I…need that too,” you say finally.
“Good, I’m glad,” he replies.
You stifle a little yawn and your eyes begin to close. “Let’s fall asleep together on the phone like teenagers,” you say with a smile.
He chuckles and hums softly. “Oh…it just started raining here,” he says.
“Even better,” you reply. Sure enough, within moments it begins to rain outside. It’s pouring so loudly you can hear it over the sound of your AC. As you begin to drift off, you listen to the soft sounds of his breathing on the other end of the line. It reminds you of the gentle roll of the waves on the beach.
As you sink deeper into sleep, you find yourself hoping for a sweet dream, but as you hear Nanami’s soft little snores you find yourself breaking into a smile.
Your life with Nanami is a beautiful dream, and nothing is sweeter.