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Jay slid her hand down from Chip’s neck, fingers tracing the outline of his flame tattoos, the ink constantly moving against his skin as it flickered faster and faster with his growing embarrassment. She hadn’t even done anything to him and she could feel his heart rate spiking. She dragged her pointer finger down the side of his throat, nails lightly pressing into his skin enough that caused goosebumps to prickle against his arms, his breath hitching.
He was breathing hard, throat jumping with each swallow that he barely choked down. Jay smiled softly at the wide-eyed look on his face, how his jaw was slightly hung open, a flush creeping up his cheeks and causing his entire face to erupt in a massive burning forest fire. He was adorable.
“You’re so cute, you know,” Jay muttered, leaning her face close to Chip while she continued to rub up and down his neck, gently touching his skin and tracing the scars on his shoulders. She followed the line of his freckles, connecting the dots and finding all the different textures of his skin.
Chip made a noise of surprise, a terrified squeak spilling from his lips as his breath hitched. He opened and closed his mouth dumbly, jaw clicking shut audibly as he tried and failed to come up with anything to say. He gulped and Jay chuckled, tapping her fingers against his skin like she was gently drumming on the edge of the table.
Gently, Jay followed the line of his muscles with her finger, his throat twitching every time he swallowed while she held him there. She leaned her elbow on his other shoulder, her knee finding place between his legs as she backed him up into the corner. Chip’s knees trembled harder than she had ever seen him shake before. Jay feared he was going to collapse without any sort of support.
Jay slid her hand down until her fingers were curled against Chip’s shoulder, the flames of his tattoo curling around her hand. She could feel the burning warmth start to increase underneath her palms. With a deft motion, she pushed on his shoulder until his back hit the wall with a small thud, his head thumping lightly against the surface.
Chip gasped, the sound pulling from his throat in a broken wheeze. Jay leaned against his chest and placed her other elbow on his shoulder, effectively pinning him to the wall with her hands held near his chest. Chip swallowed thickly with an audible gulp, his eyes darting around, trying to look everywhere but Jay’s face.
Jay leaned down until Chip had no choice but to meet her gaze, the warmth of her chest pressed against his causing his cheeks to flush, flame tattoos creeping up his neck until it started to comb at his jaw. The flames licked and hissed, the warmth seeping to the surface of his skin while she traced her hands up and down his skin.
“H—Hey,” Chip gasped out, chest rising and falling rapidly with each shaky breath that he forced in and out of his throat. He tried to smile, once again pulling his gaze away from her face, and looking at a spot on the wall behind Jay.
His arms hung limply at his sides, hands barely twitching as if he were scared of touching her. He was frozen in place, face blank besides the dark flush and the flames bursting from his skin. Jay could feel the heat radiating from him like sitting in front of a warm oven.
“Hey,” Jay smiled, her lips pulling back to expose her slightly crooked teeth. She tilted her head to the side and let out a breath, shoulders easily relaxing as she held Chip against the wall.
Chip just stood there with his eyes wide, body frozen in both terror and embarrassment. He was scarcely breathing, jaw twitching occasionally as if he was trying to think of something to say but kept coming up blank.
“You can touch me you know, I won’t break,” Jay said with a breathy laugh as she slid her hands down his shoulders, tracing the line of his biceps and then his forearms. Her hands curled around his skin, tapping playfully against the tattoos up his arms while she felt down her skin. Chip sucked in a sharp breath and made a noise similar to a whine as Jay grabbed at his wrists.
She pressed herself closer to Chip, her breath warm against his jaw as she just pulled his arms to rest over her shoulders. Chip let himself be moved easily, pressing his back further against the wall as he just focused on keeping his breathing steady.
As soon as his hands found purchase around her shoulders, Chip clung onto her hard, his fingers wrapping around the fabric on the back of her shirt. He let out a shaky breath and curled his hands into fists, inhaling sharply through his nose as he leaned his head back until it hit against the wall.
Jay allowed her hands to drop, sliding down his waist until she could slip her hand underneath the fabric of his shirt, fingers tickling at the warm sensitive skin. Chip practically squirmed beneath her hands as she felt up and down his sides, tracing her fingers along the texture of each scar that she could find without lifting his shirt, her hands skirting around his lower back and stomach. Chip’s breath stuttered and he gasped each time her nails brushed against his skin.
But she was gentle, Jay was conscious of where she was putting her hands, making sure not to press too hard on scars that might still be sensitive. She moved slowly, delicately, holding Chip as if he were made of glass and she was afraid of shattering him. She breathed softly, continuing to press against Chip and keep him pinned to the wall, their bodies close together and practically tangled up as Jay worked to keep him steady without collapsing.
His knees were shaking so badly she was afraid he was going to give out at any second. But she was prepared to support him, her own knee digging into the wall behind him as she pressed it between his legs, her other hand pressed against his head, fingers carding through his hair.
At one point, Chip had squeezed his eyes shut in order to avoid staring at Jay while she examined him with her soft, non-judgemental gaze. The soft smile on her face was in itself almost too overwhelming as she looked at him lovingly. She stared at him as if he were her entire world as if the only thing that ever mattered was the two of them pressed together against the wall of their sleeping quarters.
Jay felt like that was all that mattered. She and Chip. Chip and her. Even the sounds of the waves pushing against the Albatross had faded off into nothing, not even the sound registering to her ears. She could feel Chip’s heartbeat in his chest, the steady thumping pounding against his ribs with such a fast rate Jay wasn’t sure how it was still beating.
As she pressed her chest against his, she could feel his breath, his heart, the pulsing of his blood as he pushed back against her, leaning impossibly into the touch to soak up more of the contact.
Chip pressed his face into Jay’s shoulder, another whine spilling from his lips as he clutched onto her tightly. His breath was hot as he exhaled shakily, his breathing erratic and uneven. He practically nuzzled into her shoulder, hiding from the world and keeping his face shielded from the embarrassment of the current situation. His face was burning up, enough that Jay could feel it through the fabric of her shirt.
Chip curled his arms around her shoulders and clung to her like his life depended on it. He held onto her like if he let go, she would drop him and disappear somewhere else on the ship, leaving him alone and overwhelmed by all the affection. She would leave him with tears in his eyes and his body refusing to cooperate with how badly he was shaking, how hard his heart was beating, and how fast his breathing was.
And then Chip would have to focus on calming himself down because he had gotten himself so worked up over something like this. And of course, Jay wouldn’t want to have to deal with something like that, who would get all shaky and worked up over a few soft touches? She hadn’t even kissed him and he was a shaking mess.
But Jay held him tightly. Tight enough that Chip almost felt he didn’t have to worry about her leaving him because she held him just as tight, if not more.
She ran her hands up and down his spine, tracing the ridges of his vertebrae and feeling the way his ribs jutted out from underneath his skin. She traced her fingers along scars or felt the dips of his muscles or the different parts of his body. She felt his sides, running her hands up and down his waist, stopping at his hips enough to follow the gentle curve of the bone above the waistband of his pants.
She felt his torso up and down, trying to commit every last thing to memory. She almost went far enough to pull his shirt off over his head just so that she could see what she was feeling (but she left it alone for now), wanting to make sure that she remembered what he felt like. What he looked like. She wanted to know those things. She wanted to make sure she knew him. Knew each scar, knew each mole or freckle or mark. She wanted to memorize all the dips of his ribs or the way that his spine jutted out when he curled against her.
“Is this okay?” Jay whispered into Chip’s ear, stopping her hands for a moment, and pulling them away from Chip’s skin while she waited for his answer. Her own heart rate had started to spike, her lungs barely able to keep up with the way that her breathing had started to go unsteady. Jay tucked her face against the side of Chip’s head, the scent of their shared shampoo filling her nose as she breathed in.
Chip was shivering, trembling, and shaking like a leaf. His legs wobbled like he was a newborn deer, and his hands were vibrating so hard that he could barely get a good grasp on the back of Jay’s shirt. He swallowed thickly and Jay could hear it in the way that he audibly gulped, entire body seeming to tense up for a moment.
When he didn’t respond for a while, Jay almost started to pull away, not wanting to go too far and step on too many boundaries. If he was upset, Jay wanted to make sure that she knew when to stop and when to pull back. She wanted him to tell her if she had gone too far because then she would stop and slow down, or she would let Chip go and try to go about their normal day.
She knew Chip got overwhelmed easily with this kind of stuff, she knew he wasn’t good at receiving affection, and Jay had come on a little strong.
But as soon as she shifted, Chip whined and tried to hold onto her tighter, afraid of her letting him go. He pressed back against her chest where she had pinned him to the wall, trying to get closer, trying to claw his way into her arms. It was almost needy, a little desperate with the way that he gasped and trembled in her arms, reduced to a shaking mess so easily.
“Yes,” Chip gasped out, his voice hoarse and high-pitched, the word practically tearing out of his throat. He dug his nails into her back and pressed his face into the side of her neck, his breath shaky as it puffed against her skin and caused Jay to shiver.
He was so warm, almost feverishly so as the flames against his skin danced and sparked, raising his body temperature significantly. It was almost burning to the touch, but Jay had long since learned how to touch him when his magic would go haywire.
“Let me know if it’s too much,” Jay muttered, making her voice coherent enough that Chip would be able to understand her, even if he wasn’t really focusing on what she was saying at the moment. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable and I’ll stop, okay? Let me know if I’m going too far.”
“Okay,” Chip nodded into her shoulder, he sounded horribly out of breath and Jay wished that he would pull his face back a little bit so that she could see his expression. She wanted to see the darkened look on his cheeks, the heat that Jay could feel more than see creeping all the way up his face. She wanted to see the flames curling against his jaw, starting to creep up to his face and cheekbones the more flustered and emotional he got.
But she let him burrow against her for the time being. She didn’t try to force him back or push him deeper into the wall. It was mostly to keep him supported so his legs wouldn’t immediately give out where he stood, but he was clinging tight enough to Jay that she figured she would be able to hold him up anyway.
That gave her a small idea. Jay slid her hands down Chip’s side, fingers pulling against the dip of his waist and the way that his torso curved. Chip shivered and leaned into the touch, the flames of his tattoo licking against Jay’s palms in a way that almost burned. But she didn’t do anything about the sensation just yet, she had to be careful when she used her own magic and not. Otherwise, she’d still get burned anyway from the little control he had over his tattoos.
Gently, Jay hooked her hand around the back of Chip’s thigh, lifting his leg enough that she could press him further against the wall, wrapping one leg around her waist. Chip held onto her shoulders with both arms, a gasp pulling from his throat as she moved him, her hand remaining held underneath one of his thighs to keep him supported just in case he couldn’t keep it up on his own.
Using a bit of momentum, Jay shifted so that she could do the same with his other leg, pulling him up onto her hips with a sharp exhale as she pressed his back against the wall for more support. Chip pulled his head away from Jay’s shoulder as he was moved, his eyes wide with surprise as Jay easily picked him up, her muscles straining a bit to get them both in a position that she would be able to keep up, considering she was the one that had the anchor to the floor.
Chip wrapped both his legs around her hips, holding onto her like a koala as she used the wall for a bit more support so that she didn’t accidentally drop him. His nails dug into her back and Jay smiled softly at him, happy that she could finally see his face.
That got rid of Jay’s worry about his legs giving out. Jay didn’t need to worry about how long he would be able to remain standing if she had him pulled up in her arms, her hands wrapped around his thighs to keep him steady. Chip opened and closed his mouth a few times, struggling to find the right words to say something. His wide eyes darted across Jay’s face, then down to her arms and the way that her muscles pulsed underneath the skin.
“I… uh…” He swallowed thickly and snapped his jaw shut with an audible click. Jay gave him a reassuring smile and slid her tongue across her lips. She wished that she could reach up and push his hair out of her face, realizing that this position now just limited her access to exploring his torso. Her hands couldn’t explore when she needed them to keep Chip up.
That was fine, she’d just have to work around it a little bit.
“This okay?” Jay asked, worried about what Chip was trying to say before he cut himself off. She furrowed her eyebrows a little bit and tilted her head to the side sympathetically, trying to search for any sign that he was uncomfortable or wanted to get out of this situation. But it was definitely hard to tell when Chip’s default look of fear or embarrassment made him seem like an animal that was a millisecond away from darting the moment he saw an exit. He was flighty. Jay knew that. And she was hoping that she wasn’t activating the flight part of his instincts.
Chip looked like he was going to pass out at any given moment, face beet red and his eyes wide as saucers and dilated wide. He swallowed thickly, throat twitching with the movement. Instead of saying anything or giving any verbal cue, Chip just nodded frantically, his hair falling in front of his face with the sudden jerky movement.
“Okay,” Jay whispered, shifting so that she could press her chest back against Chip’s seeking out the feeling of his heartbeat against her own. She let out a slow exhale, her breath brushing against Chip’s collar and he shivered, a sudden flinch causing the flame tattoos to jerk as if the flames had just been fanned.
“Can I take your shirt off?” Jay asked, wanting more access to his chest and torso. She wanted to see the tattoos on his torso, how the flames always spread pretty much everywhere on his body when he got too embarrassed. He was wearing pants so she couldn’t see how far the flames had spread down his legs, but she figured that it was at least curling around his belly.
She wanted to see the top surgery scars underneath his chest, how they curved beneath his pecs and wrapped around the middle of his chest. She wanted to see the not-so-clean scars from Kuba Kenta and the jagged remains that they left on Chip’s body.
She wanted to see all the freckles that dotted across his shoulders, for once covered by the restricting cotton shirt he was currently wearing. Jay liked it better when he wasn’t wearing a shirt. She adjusted a little bit so that she could hopefully balance with less of her grip on Chip’s thighs.
Chip once again nodded mutely at Jay’s question, swallowing thickly and pulling his hands away from Jay’s shoulders for barely half a second in order to fumble with the buttons near his throat. He gasped and trembled, hands shaking so hard that he could barely get a good grip on the small items.
Jay hesitantly brought her hands up to his collar, pressing his back deeper into the wall as she held him up. Then, when it seemed like they were both in a comfortable position, she focused on unbuttoning his shirt.
Jay undid the first few buttons, then she trailed her hands down his torso, undoing the ivory buttons of his shirt. She traced her hands down his chest, pulling the shirt off his shoulders enough so that it could bunch at his elbows. That was good enough for her. Chip replaced his arms around Jay’s shoulder, the white fabric tickling Jay’s arms as the open shirt dangled between them. Jay hoisted her arms around Chip’s thighs and held him tighter.
She traced her eyes up and down his now bare chest, soaking up the look of his body with as much love and adoration as she could possibly have in one person. She loved him so much. She loved every part of him that she could love.
She loved the soft part of his belly and the fact that he actually seemed to have gained quite a bit of weight after gathering the crew together. They had been eating well. Better than how Chip had been eating before, and he had been slowly gaining more and more weight, filling out into clothes that actually could fit him now. Jay was proud of him for that, and she was happy for him.
She loved his darkened birthmark on the side of his stomach, the way that she liked to imagine it was the blot of an island on a map of the ocean, and how each freckle curled around his body was another tiny island too. Every scar was another landmark on the map of his life, another new place to explore in the world that was Chip. Jay found that she could spend hours tracing constellations in the freckles on his back or listening to the stories behind any of his scars that he wanted to tell.
She loved the magic flame tattoos that wrapped all the way around his body, displaying his emotions like a mirror right in the middle of his chest. The flames would dance and move when he was excited or happy, or crackle and pop when he was starting to get angry. They hissed and crept all over his face and body whenever his emotions were strongest, and they practically tried to hide his face in a wave of orange and red when he was embarrassed.
She loved Chip’s top-surgery scars, the thick pale lines tracing across his skin and hiding the previous marks that used to be there. Like a memorial for the person he used to be and the body that he used to have. It made her happy to think that maybe this was the body that Chip was happy in now, that he could look in the mirror and love himself for what he had become and all the trials that he had passed.
Jay knew it wasn’t always like that for Chip. But she loved him and his body enough for both of them. She loved his chest, the small bits of hair on his stomach that he insisted he could grow on his own. She loved the dip of his side and the way that his ribs seemed to jut out at an odd angle. She loved his hips and the soft curve of his spine. She loved his shoulders and neck and collarbone. She loved his jaw and the small bit of stubble. She loved the dark earthy brown of his eyes and the way that they seemed almost amber when reflecting in the afternoon sun.
There was so much about Chip that Jay loved that she could barely list it all off.
And Chip didn’t even know how much she loved him. He sat shivering and shaking in her arms with himself laid bare for her to examine and poke at as much as she liked. And he didn’t even know how much she loved him. He didn’t even realize it.
He didn’t realize that when she looked at him it wasn’t with any sort of judgement or disgust, she didn’t show him this much affection just to take it away on a whim. He didn’t realize that she didn’t want anything grand from him, any reward or payment for her affection.
Jay just wanted him.
Completely and wholly Chip. That’s all she needed, that’s all she wanted. She didn’t need anything else.
“You’re beautiful,” Jay whispered, her voice catching in her throat as she leaned forward, her chest pressing against his, “I love you.”
“I…” Chip stuttered, his voice cracking as he struggled to think, eyes darting away from Jay’s face to avoid the embarrassment of how flustered he was, “I love you…”
“Calm down,” Jay urged, seeing the way that his pulse thrummed against his skin near the crook of his neck, she could see the pulsing in his veins and the way that he was panting hard enough that he could barely get a full breath in. “I don’t bite. You have nothing to worry about.”
Chip swallowed thickly as if he were trying to swallow an entire frog, his throat bobbing with the movement. He nodded once, and held his breath for a second, kneading at the back of Jay’s shirt, clenching and unclenching his hands around the fabric, doing his best to calm himself down before he got himself too worked up.
It was a lot. Jay knew it was a lot. If she were more of a poet she would weave everything that she loved about Chip in a long elaborate poem, drill into his head that she loved him, and that her love would never waiver. But she was no poet, and Jay really had never been good at literature classes.
So a lot of what she wanted to tell him went unsaid. No matter how badly Jay wanted to say it. She needed time to collect her thoughts and now wasn’t the time to think. Now it was just time to kiss Chip silly, make him feel how much she loved him, make him feel loved and cared for and adored. She wanted to take care of him and to make him know that she loved him.
Jay leaned down to kiss Chip’s jaw, her lips gently pressing against his skin as she held herself there for a second, her breath brushing against his cheeks as the burning of his flame tattoos curled against her mouth. Chip’s breath hitched and he clenched his hands tighter around her shoulders.
She kissed him again, and again, and again, trailing her lips down his jaw and then his neck. She teased at the skin of his throat, pressing chaste kisses all the way down until she reached the crook of his shoulder. Chip gasped and whined a little bit, his throat bobbing up and down as he struggled to get each breath in. He panted hard, legs tightening around Jay’s waist as he struggled to get a better grip.
Jay nipped at his skin gently, tracing her teeth against his skin, not hard enough that it hurt, but hard enough that he could feel the sensation dragging down his neck. She kissed his neck and shoulders, the smell of sweat and grime and salt filling her nose as she practically nuzzled against his bare shoulders. She pressed the pads of her fingers into the delicate skin of his thighs, doing her best to keep him supported with his back pressed against the wall.
Chip gasped every time Jay’s teeth dragged against his skin. She didn’t bite down just yet, waiting to see how Chip would react to just this. The last thing Jay wanted to do was to overwhelm him any more than he already was, or worse, she didn’t want to scare him. She didn’t want to frighten him enough that he would run away and wouldn’t come back. Because Jay knew how flighty he was, how he would distance himself the moment that anything became too much. And she didn’t want to scare him away.
Jay hummed softly, her nose buried in the crook of Chip’s neck while she kissed his collarbone up and down, tracing the line of the bone and the way that it stuck out underneath his skin. She traced her lips up and down, feeling the warmth from his skin and the hissing of flames right against her lips. It was warmer now that Jay was actually kissing him, enough that she could feel the flames against where their chests were connected.
There was smoke in his hair, Jay could smell it. She could smell the stench of smoke and ash that always seemed to cling to him no matter how many times he bathed. She had a feeling that if she pulled back now, there would be smoke rising from his head, the tips of his hair in flames. Even now, Jay could feel the tips of his hair brushing against her cheek, a few stings prickling against her skin.
She smiled softly against his collarbone, leaning back enough so that she could see his face.
Chip’s eyes were closed, breath spilling out of his lips with startled, shallow pants. His face was pure beet red with flames dancing across his cheeks and around his eyes. He looked like he was consumed in flames himself, the entire forest caught on fire in his eyes.
She reached up with a gentle hand, combing his bangs away from his face and using her absorb elements spell to put out the flame that was gathering in his hair. The edges of his messy, frizzed-out curls were already singed enough, he didn’t need to lose more hair from his magic going haywire. She patted his head down and ran her fingers through his hair, Chip barely blinked his eyes open to stare at her, confused by the sudden shift in actions.
“You’re smoking,” Jay teased lightly and Chip’s eyes widened, jaw dropping a bit. She chuckled and kissed his cheek fondly, continuing to comb her fingers through his messy brown hair for a few seconds, making sure that she had put out all the smoking fires. She was trying to avoid getting burned as much as possible, even if her spell was starting to cause her to overheat from Chip’s flames that she had pulled from him.
Chip managed a small, almost awkward-looking smile as he stared at Jay. His gaze was a little far off, almost dazed. He looked drunk but Jay knew that he hadn’t had any alcohol today. She traced her hand down from his hair to cup his cheek, leaning down to kiss him softly between his eyes.
Her palms were just as warm as the rest of Chip’s skin as she moved it back down towards his legs to keep him held up. His heart hammered in his chest and Jay could feel his pulse fluttering when she pressed herself against him. She could feel the way that his breath stuttered or how he seemed to gasp and whine every time she shifted.
Jay shifted to peppering kisses all over his face, his cheeks, his nose, his jaw, his temple, his eyebrows, his forehead. She kissed his chin, his cheekbones, the corners of his eyes, his eyelids. She kissed all over his face that she had access to, her eyes slipping shut for a few seconds as she let herself smile into the kisses.
Chip’s hands were slipping against Jay’s shirt, his palms sweaty and shaky as he tried to grab at the fabric for a better grip. He slid one hand up her back so that he could bury it in her hair, twisting his fingers around the curls, not hard enough that he was tugging on her hair, but just enough that Jay could feel him working through her curls. He twisted the small strands at the nape of her neck around his fingers.
Jay worked her way back down to Chip’s neck, trailing kisses all the way down his face until she could attack the skin there with kisses. He let his head thump back against the wall of their sleeping quarters, giving Jay all the access she wanted to his shoulders.
Chip was willing to let her do whatever she wanted, if she wanted to kiss and bite at his throat, he would let her. He just soaked up all the affection like a sponge, barely able to hold it all in without feeling like he was going to burst.
But Jay was so gentle with him. She did her best to be gentle, holding him carefully and only pressing him further against the wall when she needed to use her hands for something and needed the extra support to keep him balanced against her. But even then, he would curl his arms tighter around her, keeping himself steady and clinging to her as if his life depended on it. She traced her hands up and down his skin softly, touching him like he was made of fragile glass.
She patted his hair when he was starting to smoke, she kissed him so lovingly, so carefully, so gently. With so much love and adoration in her actions that Chip didn’t even know what he was supposed to do with himself.
It was all so much, it was so much love that he didn’t know what to do with it. No one had ever loved him like this before, at least they never showed their love like this. Not in the way that made Chip feel like complete jelly with enough butterflies in his stomach that he was sure he had an entire field of flowers inside his gut.
Jay treated him like she loved him, she made it hard for Chip to really doubt the fact that she would follow him to the ends of Mana. And so far, she had been. They had been all over the world and Jay had stuck by his side this long. They had taken care of each other, they had protected each other. They were a crew.
And Chip loved Jay. And he never expected Jay to love him back. Because no one ever showed him this kind of love before, he wasn’t used to it. He was used to being shoved aside and dropped when it was most convenient. But even now, as Jay’s muscles strained a little bit to keep him secure in her arms, she didn’t drop him, she didn’t put him down, she didn’t let her grip waiver any longer than she needed to push him deeper against the wall.
Chip had never felt love like this before.
Jay peppered kisses on his shoulders, dragging her lips against the warm, tense skin. She kissed each and every freckle that she could find on his shoulders, pulling back just enough that her eyes could trace across his tan, scarred skin before she was back with her face buried in the crook of his neck. She traced the constellations with her lips and teeth, nibbling a bit on his collar before finding a nice soft place to bite down.
And when her teeth sunk against the soft part of his shoulder, Chip couldn’t help but suck in a sharp breath, a gasp pulling from his lips before he could stop it. Jay smiled softly and kissed right where she had bit down, almost apologetically.
It didn’t hurt, but it had surprised him. Even with her teeth, she was gentle not to hurt him too badly, nothing that would make Chip flinch. Nothing that ever felt mean or aggressive. It was almost playful, a little mischievous.
Jay giggled to herself, hoisting Chip higher up on her hips. She kissed the soft spot at the base of her neck on the front of his chest. Up and down, up and down his shoulders. Up and down his neck.
Chip was already melting beneath her hands and with every soft touch that she placed on his skin, but with all the kisses, he couldn’t help but whine and keen from all the attention, the back of his head digging into the wall behind him, hair catching on a few cuts and snags in the wooden boards.
He curled one hand around the back of her shirt, digging his nails into her back. His other hand wrapped tightly around her hair, doing his best not to tug too hard on the orange curls, not wanting to hurt her. Jay made no sign that she was in pain. She just hummed softly and bit down a bit harder near the base of his throat, hard enough that when she pulled away, it left a bite mark.
She did the same thing a few more times, biting down just hard enough that it would leave a mark on Chip’s skin, placing kisses and bruises all the way across his shoulders and neck. Chip’s breath caught in his throat. It was so much. It was all so much for him to take in.
Jay pulled back again, her hands finding their way up Chip’s torso to place right on his chest where his heart was. She could feel how fast his heart was beating and how fast he was breathing. She could feel his shaky pants and probably knew how unraveled he felt. How he could give out at any moment, his eyes watering a bit from it all.
“You okay?” Jay asked, checking up on him for the umpteenth time as she placed much softer kisses on his neck, gentle apologetic ones to the places that she had bitten down. As if she felt bad about being a bit too aggressive when she had previously tried to be as gentle as possible. She cupped Chip’s face in one hand and slid her thumb underneath his eye.
“Mhm,” Chip barely managed to hum, squeezing his eyes shut as he nodded. His brain could barely form a coherent thought, let alone understand all the pleasant emotions that were curling around in his chest. He just barely had the ability to decide whether or not those feelings were negative or uncomfortable. All he felt was the satisfied, overwhelmingly happy buzz right in his heart making his entire body feel warm and fuzzy.
It felt good. It felt surprisingly good, to be treated the way Jay was currently treating him. It made him feel special as if he was actually worthy of all this attention. As if he was worthy of the affection that he definitely didn’t deserve.
But Chip didn’t linger long on that thought, because Jay had gone back to kissing his neck, and any thoughts of him not deserving this disappeared. He could only focus on the feeling of Jay’s hands trailing up and down his sides, exploring the textures of his skin and the different parts of his torso, or her lips dragging across his skin.
She hummed occasionally, laughing and giggling to herself with each dark mark that she left on Chip’s collar. She was thoroughly enjoying herself. At least she was enjoying the way that Chip was melting into putty beneath her hands, every gasp or whine that she was able to pull from him like music to her ears, reducing him to such a shivering mess.
And each burst of laughter that filled Chip’s ears caused another surge of something pleasant to roar in his chest, something fond and loving. He loved hearing her laugh, it filled him with just about as much joy as healing the gentle crystal bells of a music box playing. He loved the sound of it.
Jay pulled back a little bit, her breath warm on his throat as she examined her work. She smiled and slid her tongue over her lips, a happy noise of contentment bubbling up from the back of her throat as she pressed her hands deeper against Chip’s side. She huffed out another laugh and darted her gaze up to look at Chip in the face.
“Can I kiss you?” She asked, almost as breathless as Chip was when she breathed the question. Her voice was a little shaky and Chip could even feel the way that she was starting to tremble, either from getting a bit too worked up or from the strain of keeping Chip supported against the wall and also the excitement of kissing him.
Chip’s eyes widened a little bit. Jay shook her head and backtracked a little bit.
“Properly, I want to kiss you properly,” Jay dropped her hands back to his thighs to keep him up against her hips. “If you’re alright?”
Jay’s eyes were wide, blue irises sparkling in the reflection of the lantern light from the sleeping quarters. Her face was a little flushed and there was sweat beading on her forehead from probably a mix of all the different things around them, most notably the heat radiating from Chip like an oven. His tattoos were crackling and flickering across his skin, constantly moving just like real flames and providing just as much heat.
She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him senseless, more than she had already done.
Slowly, Chip nodded, eyes still wide as he understood what Jay had meant. He slid his tongue over his lips and swallowed nervously, his hands twisting around the back of her shirt as he fidgeted. His chest rose and fell rapidly with each shaky pant that spilled from his mouth.
Jay smiled, she had to stop herself from diving in the moment that she got his permission, but she held back.
“Let me know if you’re uncomfortable,” Jay told him, knowing that she was more in control of the situation than he was, she wanted him to have an easy out if he needed it. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable or upset, she wanted him to enjoy this as much as she was, “Tap me twice if you need me to stop, okay?”
Chip nodded again in understanding, a little more comfortable at that. He allowed his shoulders to droop, still hanging off of Jay and holding onto her desperately.
Jay pressed him further against the wall again, leaning their chests together as she pressed her lips against his, kissing him softly at first with the chaste kiss a newlywed couple would share.
She was just trying to test the waters, feel the texture of his overwhelmingly warm but chapped lips against hers, working into it slowly. She almost didn’t expect Chip to reciprocate, he hadn’t done much in response to everything else that she had done.
But when Jay kissed him, really kissed him, her head slightly tilted to the side so their noses didn’t bump together, he pressed back against her. His fingers curled around the hair at the back of her neck and he tried to pull her impossibly close, responding to the kiss with vigor, breath puffing against her face as he barely wheezed, lips moving against hers.
He whined a bit into the kiss, her lips slipping away from his for a second as she peppered kisses to the corners of his lips, constantly teasing and playing around no matter what she did. She tilted her head up, forcing Chip’s chin back, and for his head to thump against the wall behind them, he squeezed his eyes shut tight, feeling her kiss him with as much love as she could possibly pack into one action.
And, even if this was a lot less than what Jay had been doing before, it almost seemed way more overwhelming. It seemed passionate, personal, almost intimate. It seemed official, it seemed like a commitment.
Jay was kissing him like she actually meant it, her lips firm against his, mouth working with his. Her lips were soft, just as warm as his, and a little wet. And Chip’s lips were so chapped that they had to be unpleasant to feel, but he couldn’t stop picking at them during the day. But that didn’t seem to dissuade Jay at all.
She just pressed further against him, adjusting whenever they would bump against each other uncomfortably. Her teeth found purchase around his lower lip and Chip jumped a bit in surprise, but it didn’t hurt. It was Jay, she would never intentionally hurt him, not when he was being so vulnerable around her, letting her see and do whatever she wanted. She could pull him apart layer by layer and Chip didn’t think he would be able to say no.
Jay could pry about all the little things, all the scars across his body, all the awful memories of his past that he never wanted to tell anyone, and if she questioned him, Chip would tell her. He would tell her because he had nothing better to offer than himself whole and honestly to her. He couldn’t give her much, he could barely give her a life better than on a ship like this and they both had to know that.
But Chip loved Jay. He loved her enough that if she wanted to see behind every layer that Chip had built up to keep himself safe. He would allow her to peel past all those layers and find the small, scared kid that was underneath.
He would let her look deep into the depths of his thoughts and memories and she could pick and choose what she wanted to keep or what she wanted to throw out. She was free to choose what parts of him she wanted to keep for herself or what she wanted to feed to the wolves.
And Chip would let her do all that. Because he loved her. And because it was Jay, who loved him just as much, he knew that she would never do that.
She would never take advantage of him like that. She loved him all the same and she would never use that to hurt him. She would never use his love against him because she wasn’t that kind of person.
Beyond everything, Jay wasn’t cruel, she never had been and she never would be. And when she treated Chip this gently, he couldn’t help but believe that she would never hurt him.
Unwillingly, Chip felt tears start to spring from his eyes as Jay kissed him. Her lips were so warm and Chip had never been kissed like this, not since the time on the island of Ire. But even then, it hadn’t been like this, it hadn’t been this warm, this comforting. He had been crying then, and here he was, crying now.
Jay didn’t notice the tears until they started to stream down his face, enough that they wet her cheeks as well. She pulled away immediately, her eyes wide with surprise as she examined Chip’s teary face. Chip sniffled and brought his hands away from the back of Jay’s shirt to cover his face, trying to wipe the tears from his eyes.
“Hey, hey,” Jay muttered, immediately backtracking and trying to pull away. She looked worried, “Chip, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Her tone was soft, and gentle, as if she was approaching a startled animal, her concern obvious in her tone as she stared at Chip as if she had been the one to do something wrong.
Her concern only made Chip cry harder. He tried to get himself under control before Jay even noticed that he had started crying, but her concern for him only made it worse. Large, wet sobs pulled from his throat and he tried to cover his face to hide from Jay’s worried expression, frantically scrubbing at his eyes where the tears just continued to fall.
“Chip, hey, it’s okay,” Jay tried, her voice catching in her throat as she struggled to examine Chip’s face when he had his hands covering his expression. “You gotta tell me what’s wrong? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable? I’ll leave if you need me to.” She almost seemed a bit panicked. Chip’s tears had caught her off guard, and now she was scrambling thinking that it was his fault when really it was just because Chip couldn’t handle the idea of someone loving him.
He told himself that he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve any of this. Jay was being so nice to him and so sweet, she was so gentle and kind and patient. And Chip couldn’t even last a couple minutes with her kissing him without immediately breaking down because the idea of someone loving him was just so overwhelming he couldn’t keep himself together.
He didn’t know what it was like to be loved, he didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like or how he was supposed to react. Chip didn’t know how to let himself be loved without instinctively trying to mess everything up before he got too attached and ended up getting hurt.
But he had already gotten attached to Jay. He was attached to Gillion and the entire rest of the crew. He had allowed them to work their way into his heart and they didn’t seem keen on leaving any time soon. And it hurt. Because Chip knew that eventually, he was going to get hurt by all this.
He wasn’t supposed to love them, they weren’t supposed to love him. Jay most certainly wasn’t supposed to love him. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve her kindness or her care. And especially not her concern.
“Chip,” Jay’s eyes darted back and forth, her eyebrows knitted tightly together as she examined Chip’s face for some sort of hint or clue as to what the problem was. She examined the rest of him to figure out what the problem might be. Always analytical. Always trying to get to the bottom of the problem so she could work it out and try to fix it.
She was always trying to fix things and Chip didn’t know how he could be fixed at this point. There were so many things wrong with him that it would take a million years just to keep him from crying at such gentle care.
Jay’s grip waivered around Chip and he felt himself gently being lowered to the ground. She pulled him away from the wall and set them both down, sitting on her knees in front of Chip with her hands held out in front of herself in a placating gesture. Her hands pulled away from Chip and he shivered at the lack of contact, flinching and whining the moment that she tried to pull back. She thought it was something that she did and was trying to give Chip space to calm down.
Chip didn’t want to be alone. Chip didn’t want that space. That was probably the last thing he needed at the moment.
“Please,” Chip sobbed, barely able to hide the shake in his voice as he tried to communicate what he wanted to Jay. His mind screamed at him for being so needy and pathetic. But really. He couldn’t help it. “Please stay.” He begged, keeping one hand covering his face, the other seeking out wherever Jay had gone. He didn’t look at her, he was too scared to face her expression.
She had to be disgusted by him. She had to be ashamed of him and annoyed that she even bothered to give him this much attention in the first place. She tried to give him her love and affection and this is how he repaid her? By bawling his eyes out in her arms? She didn’t deserve to put up with him, she didn’t deserve to have to deal with his breakdown.
“What do you need, Chip?” Jay tried, scooting closer and taking Chip’s hand when he reached out to her, “What’s wrong?”
Chip pulled Jay forward, pulling himself right into her lap and tucking into her arms. Jay made a small noise of surprise and froze for a moment, unsure of what to do now that Chip had practically clung onto her like a barnacle. She sucked in a sharp breath, holding it for a second, and then let it out just to calm her nerves.
Then, slowly, she placed her arms around Chip, hugging him tightly while he clung to the back of her shirt desperately, as if he would die if he let go. He pressed his face right into the crook of her neck and sobbed, a desperate wail pulling from his lips as he tried his hardest to calm himself down. He couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help the tears that broke from his eyes like through the cracks of a dam.
He loved Jay so much that it hurt. The mere idea that she was just using him for whatever odd gain broke his heart. He didn’t deserve her love, not when he didn’t even know how to let himself be loved. It was so overwhelming. It was so much that Chip didn’t even know how to handle it.
She loved him, she loved him so much. She kissed him and treated him so kindly. She told him that she loved him a million times over. Late at night, she talked about how she loved him for every part of him, she told him how much she cared for him and all the things that she had noticed.
She remembered the foods that he liked and the things that he enjoyed, she listened (sometimes) when he talked and remembered the things he mentioned. She kept him safe. They watched out for each other. They protected each other.
And Chip had never felt that so genuinely from another person. He had never felt the love of another person so pure and without malicious intentions that he didn’t even know what to do with himself now that he had it.
It almost felt like a trick.
He didn’t deserve this. A poor street rat like him didn’t deserve this kind of love. Surely Jay was tricking him, surely this was just fate dangling a tasty piece of meat on a fishing line in front of his face.
He was expected to grab at it and then listen to fate laugh as it was snatched away from him.
“I got you,” Jay whispered against his ear, she held him tightly, one hand cradling the back of his head while the other wrapped around his waist. She rocked him a bit, doing her best to comfort him even though she didn’t understand what the problem was.
“Overwhelming…” Was all Chip was able to mutter, his face buried against Jay’s shoulder. He sniffled pathetically, unable to stop the tears from streaming down his face. He was getting tears all over Jay’s shirt, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away from her. Chip didn’t want to bother her more than he already was, but he couldn’t help but cling tighter, his hands balling into fists around the back of Jay’s shirt.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go that far,” Jay rubbed her hand up and down Chip’s back, trying to soothe his tears. Chip shook his head. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t do anything wrong. It was just too much for Chip to handle. It was so much and he didn’t know how to react and his body decided that crying was the only way he could get out all the emotions he currently felt.
Jay held Chip tightly, pressing her face against the side of his head and holding him in her embrace.
“This okay?” Jay asked, continuing to rub his back and try to comfort his sniffles as his tears continued to fall. Chip nodded, comfortable in her arms as he practically sat in her lap, soaking up her warmth as if he didn’t provide enough of his own. The flames had started to recede down his face, returning to their normal positions around his shoulders and arms.
Jay shifted a bit so that she was leaning against the wall, allowing Chip to hide himself against her for as long as he needed to calm down. She ran her fingers through his hair and rubbed his back, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to the top of his head. She held her lips there, breathing in the scent of their shampoo and the fact that his hair smelled a lot like smoke, enough that the soap could barely mask it.
Chip eventually tired himself out of tears, and they stopped falling. His sobs shifted into merely sad sniffles, and he practically went limp in Jay’s arms, refusing to move. Jay didn’t mind. She was more than happy to shift gears to just holding Chip as long as he needed.
Jay pulled his shirt back up over his shoulders, tucking it around him so he didn’t have to deal with the chill of the room. Not that he ever really got cold. She just wanted to make sure he was as comfortable as possible.
It was overwhelming. The love that Chip felt for Jay, and the love that Jay always showed him. It was a lot to deal with. Jay understood. He was sure that there were times that she got just as overwhelmed by it all. They both grew up short on the love they both desperately needed, complete opposites but the same in that sense.
But at least now they could find that love in each other, as overwhelming as it might be, they both needed it. And they both needed the hugs afterward too.