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It was hell on Earth. It didn’t matter which universe or which time he went to. Something always seemed to go painfully askew. Even when he thought he was doing everything right.
And Miguel always did everything right. He didn’t have a choice anymore. Every mistake he made had only led to more pain. Pain for him and anyone he dared to grow attached to.
Even trying to hide from everything couldn’t save him. Save them. Twice Miguel had to say goodbye, and that was twice too many.
So when a kid who didn’t know what he was causing appeared, Miguel’s heart ached. Everything was coming undone faster and faster. There was no way he could keep up with the anomalies on his own anymore. Not when his heart was so heavy.
So Miguel O’Hara did what he always did. What he had to.
Closing the video of his daughter, Miguel closed his eyes and his heart. There was no changing what he had done, but he could stop it from happening again. And he would. No matter how much it hurt him.
And it hurt him. What little closeness he had allowed himself while he mourned, he had to sever. He had to focus only on fixing the anomalies. On fixing these mistakes, keeping the worlds from disappearing.
Every failure was a knife in his heart as he watched the surviving Spiders weep for what they’d lost. But he couldn’t comfort them. His heart was too fragile to let anything slip now. If he stopped, paused even for a second to think about what he was feeling, acknowledge the pain, there would be no stopping the torrent of pain and tears. There was no time for mourning anymore. Not for Miguel.
Sleep became a stranger to him. There was no time to rest. Any time he left himself to think, his mind drifted to the last moments of fear and pain. What he could have done differently. That he shouldn’t have done anything at all.
So when he got the message that Miles had joined the fray and was on his way to meet him, Miguel felt sick. There was no being ready for this meeting. How was he going to make a teenager understand that he had to suffer? Who was he to tell someone it was his duty to watch his father die? How could he make him understand that the alternative was so much worse than he could imagine?
As it turned out, he couldn’t make Miles’ understand. Staring down the young man, he wanted to shake him, wanted to scream that the loss of everything was so much worse. The Spiders that had lost everything stood alongside him, knowing the pain Miles would feel, but there were no words.
Nothing could stop a Spider-Man when he had a goal in mind.
Everything was a mess. Doors destroyed, walls crumbling in places, computers and years of work fried.
With nothing to show for it.
Following to Miles' world, he stalked to where he could be hiding. Finding Peter B there instead wasn't what he was expecting.
"I thought I told you I'd had enough of you," Miguel gruffed, trying to shoulder passed him without hurting Mayday.
"Don't you think you're being too hard on him? He's just a kid, Miguel."
"It doesn't matter how old he is," Miguel snapped back quickly, barely looking over his shoulder at the smaller man.
"His age doesn't change what can happen. You know what could happen if he keeps changing the course of things."
Peter bit his lip and held Mayday a little bit tighter, making her coo and look up at her daddy.
"I know. I know. But don't you think it's a little unfair-," Peter was quickly halted when Miguel turned on his heels and loomed over him, shoulders hunched.
Miguel bared his fangs, seething at Peter.
"I know it's not fair! I didn't even have a body to bury!" He shouted. His breath was ragged as he tried to keep what sliver of control he had left.
In the dim light, Peter B saw something he hadn't seen since dragging Miguel back to his home world. Tears. Miguel was fighting back all the tears he had denied since he came back. All the grief he had tried to bury under duty was bubbling to the surface faster than he could control it.
Peter's heart ached. A feeling he couldn't dare try to fathom as a father. And Miguel had gone through it twice.
"Miguel, I-," anything else he might have said was silenced with a wave of a hand.
"Go home. It's late. Shouldn't Mayday be sleeping?" His voice was softer but empty.
Daring to glance down at his daughter, he sighed. Mayday just looked up at him with curious, tired eyes. They were all lost.
He needed to support his friend, but he didn't know how. Looking back at Miguel, he tried to smile, but he couldn't. None of this was right. And there wasn't a way to fix it.
"Just. Just go easy on him, Miguel. And yourself. This isn't only your mission, you know?"
Miguel stared at Peter for only a second. Not a word before he turned. Flicking his wrist, he shot a web and swung away. There was too much work to do. He had a world to save.
Bringing in the other Spiders was a must to keep the universes from crashing down around them, but that didn't change that this was his cross to bear until the bitter end. He would save everyone. He owed Gabri at least that much.