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The grass was humid beneath him, enough to dampen his clothes a little. It balanced out the warmth of the sun that was shining so brightly he couldn’t keep his eyes open. It’s alright. Such peace wasn’t supposed to be seen anyway, just felt.
He was alone in their backyard. It was the end of the afternoon. His first day off from work in the last month.
Taehyung patted the grass until he found the pack of cigarettes he threw beside himself earlier. Without opening his eyes, he took one and put it in his mouth. He located the lighter and lit it.
Fuck it feels good .
He inhaled deeply and breathed out the smoke above him. He opened his eyes to watch it flow away as if it was never there in the first place.
He turned his head to the side. Their garden was a little bit of a mess but he liked it regardless. It was theirs, in all its glory and chaos.
“Hi,” he greeted the wildflowers that were growing. There was a ladybug on one of them. He pressed his fingertip on the petal it was on, waiting for the little insect to climb.
It did eventually. It tingled a little bit but it also reminded him of his childhood. Surprisingly, he wasn’t scared. In fact he didn’t really care.
When he was around seven years old, he would always play with ladybugs whenever he saw one. He’d let them crawl on his hands, he’d giggle and talk to them and then they’d fly away, carrying on about their day, and he about his.
That was until he grew scared of them. He doesn’t know why or how, but one day, he didn’t find them cute or joyful. They made him flinch and feel uneasy.
Today, however, he felt like that seven year old boy again.
The ladybug was still on his finger. Taehyung slowly rolled over to lay on his stomach. He propped himself on his elbows and looked at the ladybug closely. It didn’t move too much at first, probably wary. A few seconds passed before it grew a little comfortable and started exploring. Taehyung likes to think it did it for him too.
It had a total of eight black spots.
“You’re eight years old? Mmh.”
He never knew if that was what it meant. Probably not. It didn’t matter. He liked to think ladybugs grew up like this. They stayed tiny but their age varied. Some were born with eight dots and will remain eight for the rest of their lives, others will have twelve, or four. It’s one of those childlike oddities Taehyung wishes to keep innocent.
Eight years is a lot for a ladybug, right? Maybe that one was a wise little one.
Taehyung took another drag of his cigarette and blew it in the opposite direction of the ladybug, not wanting it to leave him just yet.
“Do you like my flowers?” he asked the ladybug. “I confess. I hated them at first. But Jimin liked them so I agreed to keep them. They’re not so bad after all.”
The ladybug crawled higher toward his wrist. It seemed to explore his bracelet. Jimin made it for him on their first date, quite a few years ago now. It was made of flower beads and, funnily enough, one of them was a ladybug. He still remembers Jimin telling him it would bring him luck. Ladybugs are a sign of good luck. It’s true. Taehyung never considered himself more lucky than when Jimin entered his life.
“Can I take a picture of you? I want Jimin to meet you too.”
Taehyung carefully reached for his Polaroid camera that was on the grass next to his pack of cigarettes. He made sure to not move too much so the little ladybug wouldn’t fly away.
He held his cigarette between his fingers and focused on taking the picture of the ladybug. As soon as he clicked the button, he let go of the camera and grabbed the picture, waiting for it to transfer.
The ladybug was still very calm on his hand.
“Do you have a name? I should name you.” Taehyung thought for a second. At the same time, the ladybug stopped exploring his hand and extended her wings. His heart picked up a pace against his will, unable to tame his little fear. “How about Daisy? It’s not very original but you were really liking my daisies so I think it’s fitting. Do you agree?” he asked in a whisper, trying very hard to not shake his hand to get rid of the ladybug all together.
It took a few more seconds and as if the ladybug understood him or felt his fear, it retracted its wings and was back to its tiny cute self. Taehyung felt a little guilty then. Maybe the ladybug got scared of something too and showed its wings to prove its strength.
“Don’t worry, you’re safe on my hand. We’re both a little scared of the other, but I think we’re safe.” Taehyung turned back around to lay on his back. He finished his cigarette and put it in the ashtray next to him.
He rested his occupied hand on his chest and closed his eyes again, basking in the peace he was feeling for the first time in weeks.
Amidst the peace, his mind wanders to Jimin. Jimin, who supported him through the stress, through the very clear burnout he’s experiencing but refuses to admit to himself, through every little outburst and every single tear. Jimin, who loves him wholeheartedly and unconditionally.
Jimin, who’s never silent when coming home, which makes Taehyung smile each time.
He opened his eyes. It took him some time to adjust to the sunlight again, though sunset was going to happen any second now. When Taehyung glanced at his hand, the ladybug was gone. He heard the fridge open, a bottle open and liquid being poured in a glass. Then he heard steps coming his way. He turned his head to the side and saw Jimin approaching. He looked tired. Taehyung got the sudden urge to wrap him in his arms.
As if they were connected on a higher dimensional level, Jimin lowered himself next to Taehyung. He put the glass of wine down next to Taehyung’s ashtray, and laid down by his side, engulfing his face in the crook of his neck. He inhaled deeply, all the tension he carried throughout his day seemingly vanishing away as he exhaled.
Taehyung carded his fingers through Jimin’s hair, breathing him in deeply just the same. He kissed his temple and caressed his back. Jimin melted.
“Rough day?”
“Mmh,” Jimin kissed his neck softly, “Hate my job.”
They stayed like this for a while, enjoying the other’s presence like they haven’t in a while. Taehyung could fall asleep like this, he could die too. He’d be the happiest man to have ever existed either way. Like this, on the grass, with Jimin in his arms.
“How was your day off?” Jimin asked.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Good. I wish I could’ve spent it with you.”
The steady flow of caresses on Jimin’s back stuttered a little at those words, a little puddle of shame and guilt forming in Taehyung’s heart helplessly.
“Is it okay if I say I’m glad you didn’t?” he asked shyly.
Jimin giggled, he giggled as if what Taehyung just said was absurd. Maybe it was.
He propped himself up on his elbow to look into Taehyung’s eyes, “Of course. Me missing you doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your alone time. I’m happy you had it. You needed it.”
“I did, didn’t I? I’m sorry for being so…difficult lately.”
“Don’t apologize for that. If anything, I’m sorry I failed at making things better for you.”
“How about we both stop apologizing for nonsense?”
Jimin leaned down to kiss him tentatively, as if it was their first kiss. He kissed him slowly, he was shy about it. Taehyung remembers their first kiss. It felt like fireworks. This one is a bomb. He might just combust and vanish.
Taehyung barely has time to kiss him back before Jimin sits up completely. He knows he’s being teased if the grin adorning Jimin’s sinful lips is anything to go by.
Jimin picks up his wine glass and sips on it slowly, never taking his eyes off of Taehyung.
“What are you having?”
“Red wine. Cabernet Sauvignon.”
Taehyung hummed, eyes glued on Jimin’s lips and the way his tongue licks the remains of wine. And then his breath catches in his throat as Jimin takes another sip, careful to leave his lips glistening with wine.
Before his brain could make sense of the beauty in front of him, Jimin’s lips were back on his. And oh my god. They switch positions, Jimin now straddling Taehyung.
It wasn’t as gentle, and nowhere close to shy. Taehyung can’t help but chase for Jimin’s lips, tasting the wine on his boyfriend’s lips is much better than from a glass. He sits up, holding Jimin tightly so he doesn’t fall backwards. Jimin’s lips are always so soft, so inviting. He embraces Jimin tightly against him, breathing him in, drunk on him, yet always too sober, always wanting more.
They mold into each other instinctively, tongues waltzing in a sweet daze that has Taehyung moaning softly in seconds. The kissing turns into something much more intense. He feels high. Hungry. He feels Jimin’s tongue grazing his bottom lip and all composure leaves him as he lets himself be consumed by Jimin entirely, the same way he consumes Jimin with no regard for his heart.
Taehyung was startlingly aware of the speed his heart raced. Kissing Jimin is like an instant liberation from every other need. Jimin is all he needs to live. As he inhaled through his nose, he could smell Jimin’s shampoo. It hit him then that he was actually smelling his own shampoo and for some reason, that detail was like a proof of love. They’ve shared things over the years, they do every single day, yet…sharing a shampoo was ridiculously overwhelming for Taehyung. Don’t ask him why, he couldn’t begin to explain. It’s as if Jimin had wanted to carry Taehyung with him throughout his day, to always have a piece of him. Like the sweater he used to steal from him when they were in high school, or that time Jimin “accidentally” forgot his scarf on Taehyung’s bed before going away for two weeks to visit his family for the Christmas holidays.
Both of them were running out of air, yet neither wanted to separate. Like a sweet curse of the love they receive from each other. It’s Jimin that broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against Taehyung’s.
“Tasty,” Taehyung whispers.
Jimin reaches for his glass again to take another sip. As he sets it back down, he picks up the Polaroid Taehyung took earlier. “What’s this?” He looks at it closely.
“Oh! There was a ladybug on one of our daisies. I picked it up in my hand and took a picture.”
Taehyung stares at Jimin while Jimin stares at the picture, a proud smile forming on his lips because he knows of Taehyung’s f. A smile that translates his endearment, his fondness, his love. Taehyung feels so much of it. Jimin loves him with his entire heart and beyond. Sometimes, he doesn’t know what to do with so much love. He doesn’t know if he even compares or deserves it. Because boy does he love Jimin, but conveying his love wasn’t always as easy as it seemed.
“Did you name it?”
“Daisy.”
“Daisy. Daisy is eight.” Jimin says casually.
It’s the little things, isn’t it? Always the little things. They make the most sense to the soul.
The little ladybugs that Taehyung used to play with. He could always count on them to make his day better.
The little heart-flutters he felt when Jimin noticed him for the first time. Taehyung got scared of a ladybug that was flying around him. Jimin saved him.
The little kiss Taehyung left on Jimin’s cheek to thank him. The little blush that ensued.
The little earthquake in his soul when they helplessly fell in love.
The little spiral of negativity he felt when they first moved in, scared to have his entire world crumble because the unknown is so scary, yet so exciting when it’s with someone you love.
The little habit Jimin has to keep the socks he wore in his shoes in the house, especially when he puts his feet on the couch while they snuggle in the evening in front of a movie. The amount of times Taehyung has begged him to not do it, to just take them off or change them, but Jimin never listens.
The little (or rather big, according to Jimin) need of Taehyung to ask too many questions during movies that makes Jimin have to pause because “a movie is supposed to be enjoyed in silence, Taehyung!”
The little blush of his cheeks when Jimin doesn’t shy away from claiming him loudly and proudly.
The little cigarette he allows himself to have at the end of a long day from time to time, or the glass of wine he usually shares with Jimin.
The little me-time he almost forced himself to enjoy today, despite the guilt that keeps growing for not doing anything.
Their little random similarities, like determining a ladybug’s age by the number of black dots it has.
It’s the little things that drove Taehyung to believe that they are meant to be. Soulmates, through and through. If it’s not him, it’s not anyone.
Jimin sets the picture down and brushes Taehyung’s hair off of his forehead before encircling his arms behind his neck.
“I love you. You know that, right?” Taehyung asks, looking Jimin in the eye, hoping his heart would talk better than his mouth.
“I never doubted it.” Jimin kissed Taehyung’s forehead softly. “I love you too.”
“I…I haven’t said it in so long and I–“ he took a deep breath, feeling a wave of emotion wash over him, “I just don’t want you to forget.” He whispers, unexpectedly on the brink of tears.
Jimin embraced him then and it felt so comfortable, so safe in his arms that he couldn’t help but cry.
He cried all his pent up frustrations, sorrows and stress on Jimin’s shoulder. He had zero control over it. All he could do was let it happen.
“Oh. Hey, it’s okay.” Jimin hugged him tightly, as if he was shielding him from the dark cloud in his mind. “I could never forget your love, Tae.”
They sat like this for a while, entangled in their love while the sun went to sleep. Taehyung stopped crying, feeling utterly embarrassed.
He broke their oh so comforting hug to dry his tears. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why…” he threw his hands up in the air with defeat, at a loss for words.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. You’ve been working so much, it’s a wonder this didn’t happen a week ago. I’m just…I’ve been worried. I just want you to take care of yourself. And I want to take care of you…if you’d let me.”
“You already do, right now.” Taehyung sighed, leaning his forehead on Jimin’s shoulder. “I feel so guilty for needing a day off. It’s like…if I don’t work, then it’s the end of the world. We’ll be poor, and we’ll lose the house and I’ll lose you. I know that’s stupid and not at all how it works, I’m just…”
“Burnt out.”
Taehyung didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say besides facing the truth.
“Can I suggest something?” Jimin asked sweetly. Taehyung nodded, even though he had an idea about what he was going to say. Anxiety started to pool inside of him. “How about you take tomorrow off, and I call in sick? We can spend the day together, do something fun or do nothing at all.”
Taehyung didn’t respond right away, torn between his guilt and his common sense.
Jimin didn’t pressure him, he didn’t insist. He gave him time to sort through his feelings.
The answer was obvious, they both knew that.
“It’s so frustrating to feel like this. It’s like a constant conflict inside of me and it makes me so…” he gently hit his forehead against Jimin’s shoulder, more tears rolling down his cheeks.
It’s like a dam opened all the bottled up emotions he’s been carrying.
The stress from work, anger and frustration against his boss demanding too much from him, him not being capable to say no…it all implodes inside of him right now.
“I know.”
“I’ve been awful to you, I’m so sorry.”
“Not awful. You’ve been difficult, and irritable. Very emotional. You’ve been stressed and closed off. But none of these things make you awful.”
“How can you still be so patient with me?” Taehyung looks up at Jimin with teary eyes.
“Because I love you. I love you so much. Do you remember what I told you when we first moved in together and you were scared it would change things between us?”
“You said…you said our love goes beyond anything life will throw at us. That whatever hardship we’ll face, we’ll face them together, hand in hand and heart to heart.”
At the reminder of those words, Taehyung feels a weight lifted off his shoulders. It’s sudden and unexpected. Like magic. Jimin is magic.
He takes a deep breath, only now realizing it’s been so hard to breathe for weeks.
“Alright, I think, we ca–” he stops talking when a bug lands on the tip of his nose. He goes slightly cross-eyed trying to see what it is, in vain. He looks up at Jimin with wide worried eyes only to see Jimin containing his laughter. It’s cute, also hot, but now is not the time.
“Jimin, what is that?” Taehyung whispers.
“A ladybug.”
His eyes widen and he tries to look at it again while Jimin just laughs. He’s missed hearing him laugh like this.
“Take it off my nose, right now!” he hisses at him, finding this situation unacceptable.
“Okay, okay, don’t move.” Jimin presses the tip of his finger next to the ladybug and soon enough, it was on his hand. Taehyung exhaled, feeling more at ease. “Is this Daisy?” Jimin asked, examining the little insect.
It had the same eighth black spots.
“Maybe. It looks like her.”
“Nice to meet you, Daisy,” Jimin says. “Are you here to comfort Tae too?” Jimin extended his hand toward Taehyung, for him to take the ladybug. He did.
It’s funny how the little things are the scariest. He’s usually so scared of this little insect, never knowing why. Yet, when he was seven years old, they were his best friends. And right now, they’re making his day sweeter.
The same way he’s scared of a day off, yet, it’s the best he’s felt in weeks. He feels relaxed. He feels sane again. Maybe not entirely, but enough to realize that the amount of work and pressure he’s put on himself is just madness.
“Ladybugs are cute, right?” Taehyung finds himself saying.
“They are.”
Taehyung approached his hand to a daisy and waited for the little ladybug to climb on it before giving his attention to Jimin again.
“Is it too late to make it up to you?” Taehyung asked shyly.
Jimin lifts Taehyung’s head up with a finger under his chin so he can look him in the eyes. “There’s nothing to make up for, sweetheart.” He reached for the camera and took a picture of Taehyung.
“Hey!” he tried to complain.
“Shush. Let’s take one together with Daisy. Is Daisy still here?”
Luckily she was. Taehyung picked her up carefully, flinching a little when she spread her wings out of nowhere. Jimin stood up from Taehyung's lap and sat next to him. He held the camera in front of them.
“Ready? 3. 2. 1.”
Both Taehyung and Jimin made a silly face, with Taehyung’s hand in the middle where Daisy was just resting.
They took a couple more, their giggles growing. They teased each other like they normally would, they laughed and bickered and kissed and forgot about the camera and the world for a second because it was just that easy to be a victim to the enchantment it is to be loved by one another.
“Thank you for bringing me back,” Taehyung said.
“Always. You do the same for me.”
They stared at Daisy, who was still on Taehyung’s hand. A cold breeze started to grow, the ladybug spread her wings with no warning. Taehyung yelped, helplessly scared, no matter how cute he thinks they are. He hid in the crook of Jimin’s neck, who was laughing fondly, cradling his fingers through Taehyung’s hair.
“You’re okay, she’s gone,” Jimin reassured, clearly amused.
“Okay well let’s go inside before she comes back.” Taehyung stood up in a hurry, pulling Jimin along.
They spent their evening in front of a movie, with glasses of wine, a pizza and cuddles. Jimin had his socks on the couch and Taehyung had way too many questions for Jimin to fully enjoy the movie. They fought over the last slice of pizza, only to share it in the end. Yet, this very moment and every other moment with each other, with all the little annoyances, was worth more than life.
Around Jimin there was no pressure. There was just him . Taehyung, the person. He owed him nothing, he wasn’t expected to act a certain way. He could just be. Because Jimin will love him, regardless of his performance. And Taehyung loves Jimin so much it aches. But he’ll take that little pain over anything in the entire world.
It’s the little things, you know?