Chapter Text
For a long time, Aziraphale had no words to describe this feeling he had.
Not entirely. It was something he felt he always had, since his creation in fact, but he simply believed it was faulty wiring. It would explain a lot of these confusing 'Emotions' as God has taken to calling them these days.
However, Aziraphale wasn't sure if these thoughts could even be considered Emotions or Feelings, but rather the Emotions were simply a side effect of it. He may not know entirely what caused these sorts of thoughts, especially since they were the kind of thoughts that could leave him getting into serious trouble.
He couldn't stop the inherent feeling that something was wrong to rush through him on a...well, an all-time basis. He kept quiet about it and of course, never let these feelings affect his job. He took his job very seriously after all.
Yet it didn't stop him from hesitating when he seemed to notice quite a large gap in the sky.
"Is something wrong Aziraphale?" Kokabiel asked, noticing Aziraphale stopping. There was a hint of annoyance in the other angel's tone, which was understandable as the two of them were late to a meeting with Gabriel.
"It's just...that's quite a large gap there" Aziraphale responded, causing Kokabiel to look out to where Aziraphale was motioning too. This caused her to frown, pulling out a series of files and quickly scrolling through them.
"There should be someone assigned there, I mean, I am pretty sure I remember The Almighty saying she had it-"
The Star-Maker gave a frustrated groan. "There is not even a mention of this area in my files? How in the blazes does that even happen?" she said, her wings flaring slightly and Aziraphale could hear the slight panic in her tone.
Yet, Aziraphale only stared out to the vast emptiness, a sense of unease creeping up his spine. That familiar wrongness was vivid, but now there was a new 'feeling' that rested even heavier on his shoulders. That there was something missing and it felt as though he knew what it was. It was right on the tip of his tongue but his mouth couldn't find the shape to speak it.
" -at's the point in creating an infinite universe with trillions of star systems, if you are only gonna let it run for a few thousand years? "
Aziraphale twitched slightly, a look of surprise settling over his face as he quickly glanced to his side. His left, yet Kokabiel stood beside his right.
"What did you say?"
"I said we need to get to Gabriel now and to not tell him what we found here okay, I cannot have another mark go on my record. He's already annoyed with me enough!" Kokabiel muttered, slamming his files shut. There was a sort of frazzled energy about him, and Aziraphale could tell he was nervous.
"I just-" Aziraphale trailed off, looking back out to that black spot. Something was clearly missing, but it must be a filing error, or maybe The Almighty forgot to assign an angel there. Maybe there should be a suggestion box, though Aziraphale knew that The Almighty would not appreciate that.
She seemed a bit tetchy lately, but she also...well, Aziraphale thought it best not to speculate. After all, he wasn't God herself. Yet, there was a sort of tone in her voice that made his own heart leap slightly with familiarity.
Maybe God noticed the wrongness too. In fact, he was pretty sure she did considering how many times she kept having Kokabiel and the other star-makers to keep redoing the star systems cause apparently they couldn't get it just right.
Just like him, maybe she also noticed something was missing.
---------------
After the first large empty spot was noticed, Aziraphale couldn't stop finding them. Much to Kokabiel's annoyance and stress. Of course, it wasn't like Aziraphale meant to cause more stress to the angel but it felt as though he was naturally drawn to there.
He heard stories of some of the Marine Angels thinking of creating something called a 'Siren', where its song could lead you to your certain demise. It felt as though it was one of those creatures, deep amongst the stars and space, calling him to these spots.
" -ook! See, watch and there it-"
He could always hear the faint echos of that voice in his head, whenever he found one of these spots. In some places, he could even hear laughter so bright that Aziraphale could barely even able to contain his own. His eyes shut as he took in that feeling of contentment before opening them back up and facing the harsh reality that he was alone.
Kokabiel was the one in charge of all the plans with the stars though, but the poor angel was very easily overwhelmed. It didn't help that every time he tried to assign an angel to fill the blank spaces or ask God for what she wanted in those spots, she would snap harshly and tell them to leave them blank.
The head Star-Maker asked why once and it was a single harsh snarl from The Almighty to quickly made him cow in fear. Bowing before scuttling off and never daring to bring it up again. Now, Kokabiel decided to mark down all the locations of the blank spaces just to make sure no angels crossed those boundaries. God may not be explaining what those blank spaces, but Kokabiel didn't want to risk anything in case they were dangerous.
Aziraphale knew better, he knew these spaces were not dangerous. He could feel the way they cried to be filled. The way emptiness almost felt painful and bigger than even Aziraphale could begin to comprehend, and how some of it seemed to sink into his own chest. Whenever he needed a break, he simply escaped there. Just for a little while.
---------------
"Aziraphale" a soft voice whispered through his ears, causing his eyes to flutter open before suddenly squeaking with shock as he realized it was The Almighty herself standing before him. She seemed to be in a much similar form, much more comprehensible to even his own eyes even though usually she was just a pair of hands and a lovely voice.
Aziraphale quickly made a move to bow, but with a wave of her hand, he hesitated. "Please do not bow for me dear, not right now," She said gently. Her eyes echoed the colors of the cosmos. Ever changing, and ever moving and they were boring into his own.
"Is there something you need My Lady?" he asked, suddenly nervous. His wings were tense as he realized he was just suddenly found in the blank space of the cosmos, the same places that God had almost smitten Kokabiel over, for just even mentioning them.
"What are you doing here Aziraphale," she said, ignoring his request. There was no expression but her voice seemed to betray what she wished to hide. Curiosity. Sadness. Loneliness. Pain.
The angel racked his brain trying to think of some sort of excuse, if just to try and soothe The Almighty's inevitable annoyance. "I-" he started, letting out a nervous cough and taking in a deep breath. She didn't react at all to his nervousness, however. "I don't know My Lady" he breathed out. He decided to be honest since this was The Almighty after all.
Most likely, She would be able to sense his lies.
She hummed at that, giving a nod at his response. "I find myself out here as well, " She said. Her mouth moved, but the sound of her voice seemed to lag behind. " I am unsure of the reasons, but something drives me to come out here"
Aziraphale nodded quickly, keeping his head bowed. "I-I feel the same thing, My Lady" he whispered back. Cautiously he was unsure of what Her mood was for the day. She seemed to grow more and more frustrated these few...well, for a while now. Time was still being worked on so there was nothing to refer to.
"Aziraphale, look at me " she then demanded, causing the angel to quickly look up. Eyes wide with worry as he was sure that She was angry. Yet, once again, Her expression was cool. " I wish to ask for your...Opinion"
"Opinion, My Lady?" he asked, tasting the new word along his tongue. He wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean or what she was requesting of him.
"Yes. Your Opinion"
Aziraphale looked at her worriedly, "I am not sure what that means, My Lord. If you do not mind explaining this new creation, I would love to be able to help you" Aziraphale said smoothly. Yet, this is what seemed to annoy Her.
He could feel the way the air suddenly changed. Energy spiked around Her as she seemed to look for something in Aziraphale, but he wasn't sure what she wanted.
"Won't you ask me a Question?" She said, taking a step forward and it took everything in Aziraphale to not step back. She seemed agitated yet Aziraphale couldn't entirely pinpoint why he assumed She was. Her expression was still smooth. There wasn't even a furrowing of Her eyebrows or a tilt of Her head.
"I am unsure of what you mean My Lady" he replied once again, this time his voice started wavering. "If you explain it to me-"
"Why does no one ask me any Questions! " Her voice suddenly boomed in his head causing Aziraphale to give a pained whimper. Clutching his head, Aziraphale fell to his knees as his ears rang with the after-effects of God's shout. " You all blindly obey! I do not understand. None of you are Curious. None of you are Interested. None of you are asking me, none of you are-there is something that is supposed to-"
Aziraphale looked at Her with terrified eyes, "I-I don't understand-please, whatever it is let me fix it" he said, holding his hands up and that seemed to stop her approach. The aura of anger suddenly dissipated away and left the angel trembling with terror.
She watched him. Waiting. Allowing Aziraphale to pull himself together. She made no move to apologize and Azirpahale knew that she did not need to. She was God, higher than them all. "I am sorry for having offended you, My Lady" he stuttered out, his form still shaking under Her stare. He couldn't even bring himself to meet her eyes anymore.
"You did not offend me Aziraphale. I came here for a reason, your Opinion"
Aziraphale frowned slightly at that word again. Opinion. What did that mean?
This time, God seemed to answer his question for him. "It's a judgment that is entirely your own, not necessarily based on truth nor fact, " she said. " Will you give me your Opinion?"
Aziraphale hesitated, unsure of how to respond. Not with how quickly she seemed to anger now. "I shall give you it if I can My Lord"
With an easy flourish of Her hand, an object materialized in Her outstretched palm. It was a lot smaller than Aziraphale was expecting. It was round, almost holding a shape that was similar to the earliest designs of a human heart. A small appendage stuck out the top of it and held something close to a 'leaf'. Though the shape of it was nothing like the other leaves he had seen various angels make.
The most striking thing about it, however, was how it had no color. It wasn't black or white but instead held a complete absence of color that normal humans could not even begin to understand. Even Aziraphale struggled to look at it.
"What color should this be Aziraphale?" She then stated.
The angel twitched slightly. "I am afraid I do not work in the color's department My Lady, I believe Jophiel would be a better choice in picking out a color for that-"
"I do not want Jophiel's Opinion, I want yours" God interrupted, still holding out the object. Her corporation blinked at Aziraphale, the only sign of movement now, which of course made Aziraphale more jittery.
"Okay," Aziraphale said, unsure of how to give an 'Opinion' on something. Let alone colors since that was nowhere near his department. He was just a Principality, he really shouldn't be having this sort of interaction at all. "What is this item called? What will its function be?"
These were Questions. She seemed to want him to ask Questions and maybe these were the ones she wanted. She didn't move an inch.
"It is called an Apple, it will grow on a Tree. It will be considered a fruit, and something that is used for consumption. That will be its primary function " God explained, " But it will have a secondary function, for when the first humans will eat it for the first time"
Aziraphale tilted his head at that, deciding to cautiously approach closer to the object. His eyes examined the way it seemed to shine but more specifically reflect. "What will be its secondary purpose, My Lady?"
"It will teach Humans the difference between Good and Evil, " She said, " And it will give them Free Will and when the First Humans eat it, they will be kicked out of the Garden. To live amongst Pain, Suffering, and end with Death."
" Why must they Suffer God? " he heard something cry out, " Why must they learn Pain, Learn Hate when they can simply be Happy?"
"So Aziraphale? Will you give me the color an Apple should be?" God then asked, staring at him blankly. He shivered once more, fearful of making the wrong choice. His head desperately runs through the various colors that have been named. Blue. Maybe Purple, like Gabriel's eyes, or maybe Silver like Michael's leaves. Maybe even Gold, like Uriel's markings.
He looked at the item again but to his surprise, he could see in the reflection of something. A faint sound of laughter once again in the distance and amongst Aziraphale's own reflection, he could see a small patch of color. It faded out of view before he could know exactly what it was, but he knew that color though he had never seen it before. A color that was not even made yet.
A color his mind often kept conjuring up, despite not even being an angel who could create, and yet he always knew the name of it.
"What about Red, My Lady? The brightest, strongest Red you can conjure?"
"Red? I do not believe we have Red Aziraphale" God said, but Her eyes seemed to turn back to the 'Apple' in Her hand. However, he could feel the way God's energy paused and for a brief moment, Aziraphale held his metaphorical breath.
Then, with the softest voice Aziraphale ever heard Her muster, God stated, "Yes. I believe this Apple should be Red."
Aziraphale felt like he could collapse from relief. God waved her hand away and the object disappeared from view. With a slight dip of Her head, Aziraphale could see the way this corporation made the first emotion. A smile. So small the angel barely even noticed it, but he could tell the slightest changes considering he was made to observe and watch.
"Thank you Aziraphale, " she said, before a moment she seemed to hesitate. " Aziraphale?" God asked, and Aziraphale froze. He expected She was going to leave already.
"Yes, My Lady?"
"You feel it too, don't you " She whispered, her back turned to him but she was staring up at the blank space of the universe. " You feel that Light missing"
"I do My Lady, but...I don't know what it is" Aziraphale said honestly, "I want to figure it out"
She gave a gentle hum causing a rush of peacefulness to swirl within Aziraphale. "May I ask you for something?" She stated, and Aziraphale quickly nodded.
"Of course, whatever you need" he breathed out, excited to have another purpose.
"If you ever find it, please bring it to me too"
Aziraphale wasn't sure how to respond right away. Was God sad too? Why is it that Aziraphale seemed to be the only angel who could feel that light missing? How is it that God could feel it too? "I-I would love to My Lady"
"I shall see you then Aziraphale" she stated, before slowly fading away from view.
" Why do you play nasty tricks on them, God? They are only Human, they are built for love and now you wish to teach them Hate? "
Aziraphale flew away.
---------------
It wasn't that long after that encounter, came The Fall.
No one was entirely sure what started it or why the Rebellion entirely formed. It just happened and now Aziraphale was fighting angels he had known for a long time. Some he even served under.
Aziraphale was there when Kokabiel Fell, screaming all the while, with wide eyes. His own body shook. The flames still crackling in his ears and he swore he could still hear where the blood dripped from the blade's sharp edge.
The same edge that sliced across Kokabiel's chest. Kokabiel, who wasn't even a soldier. Kokabiel, whose stress turned to fear led him to rebel. He could still hear the Star-Maker's scream in his ears. The way his eyes pleaded for Aziraphale to grab him. Aziraphale did try to reach for him, he knew that Kokabiel didn't deserve to Fall.
He didn't even hurt anyone. He just wanted to finish the sky, to fill in the absences that needed something to fix it. It was where Aziraphale found Kokabiel, and it was where he lost him.
" How dare you? How dare you Mother!" the voice shouted and Aziraphale looked at where the void lay. His eyes blinked back tears as he took in a pained breath. " You know what? Fuck. You. "
For a moment, Aziraphale swore he could see a glimpse of white wings on fire and Red before it Fell.
---------------
Aziraphale was eventually assigned to Eden to guard the Eastern Gate. He wasn't sure necessarily why he was the one assigned here, he barely did much in the early years. Yet, apparently, it was God Herself that assigned him here.
It was when he saw the Apple Tree, with the gleaming Red Apples growing from its branches did he realized.
This is what She meant by the Apples growing from a Tree. Aziraphale thought, resting one of his hands against the bark, feeling its rough texture along his fingertips. Adam and Eve were in the final stages of creation, Eve was a bit more complicated as he heard stories of her being able to grow small human children inside her stomach.
It required a bit more finesse, but Aziraphale was informed that Adam at least would be showing up within the next day or two. And soon after, Eve will be. Apparently from his ribs? Though Aziraphale didn't really understand all that.
Not that he was made too. He was simply made to guard, defend, and protect.
In his patience, he had taken to wandering the Garden. Letting the sensations of grass on his feet and wind through his hair wash through him, for a moment allow himself to simply enjoy the now.
He truly enjoyed the faint rustling of the water flowing through the small river in the Garden and the soft chirps of a Nightingale hiding amongst the leaves of the tree. He even loved the feeling of the 'Sun' on his face.
The animals were fascinating as well. He held out his hands for a few curious animals to sniff, their noses twitching as they cautiously approached. There was one thing, however, that particularly caught his eye. A large tree in a smaller part of the garden that seemed particularly...empty. As though something was supposed to go there but it wasn't as obvious as the blank spaces in the stars.
"Hey Cambiel, is there supposed to be something here?" he called out, looking over at the other Angel who was standing on the Western Gate. Cambiel looked over, their green eyes narrowing on Aziraphale. It wasn't unheard of that the other angels didn't really like him though Aziraphale wasn't entirely sure why.
Most likely cause they believe he took the job from one of their friends that was originally assigned. Hahasiah was their name, or at least he thinks it was.
Cambiel flew down, landing beside Aziraphale, and looked at the empty tree. "There was supposed to be but whoever was assigned to it didn't work on it or whatever. The tree was already made by Zuphlas so we just decided to put it here."
Aziraphale tilted his head, looking a bit confused at Cambiel. He never heard of an angel who didn't do their job. Well, except for the Fallen. "Do you know what it was supposed to be?"
"Nope, the files on it are missing and we don't even know who was assigned to it in the first place. Think it was something do with scales or whatever...maybe like a fish that can live in trees?"
"Oh..well aren't fish supposed to live in water?" Aziraphale said, trying to figure out why a fish would live on land.
Cambiel rolled his eyes and went to look at Aziraphale properly. "I don't know Aziraphale, I am not some animal maker. No, I am a principality and a guardian, like you are. So why don't you drop it and do your job" Cambiel hissed, taking a step forward but Aziraphale wasn't threatened by his small display.
The angel only blinked at the other, before sighing. "Very well, It's just-" Aziraphale paused, seeing the look of frustration on Cambiel's face, and decided to think otherwise on asking his question. "Fine, I'll go back to the gate" he muttered.
" Look, Angel! See their scales, Mother said she loved them...though I made Gabriel scream when he first saw it which made it even better"
---------------
He couldn't get the tree out of his hand. To the point where it almost consumed his waking thoughts and since Adam and Eve still won't be arriving until a few more days, he decided to head back up to Heaven and see if he could solve this mystery.
Approaching the file room, he could see someone going through a large pile of paperwork.
"Hello there" Aziraphale politely greeted, which caused the other angel to suddenly shriek in surprise. Her pen suddenly flew through the hair and Aziraphale quickly caught it before it hit him in the face. "Quick reflexes, are you sure you're not a Principality?" he teased.
The other angel blushed, "Oh...I am so sorry Sir, I didn't see you approach" they said, their eyes widening slightly. Standing up from their chair and giving a nervous little bow. "Is there something you need?"
"Well first, what is your name?"
"Oh! I am Muriel, 37th class scrivener" they quickly replied, putting their hands behind their back. A common way to show respect to the higher-ups, something Aziraphale had to constantly do with the Archangels even though it often made his arms tinge with pain.
Aziraphale smiled, hoping to calm her nervousness. "Don't worry Muriel, you're not in trouble. I was hoping you could maybe pull up a file for me?"
"Oh! Yes of course Sir, what file would you like?"
Aziraphale tried to remember the official location, "The file on a specific tree in the western quadrant of the Garden of Eden, it's supposed to contain an animal but the Angel assigned to it never got around to it" he started to explain, "I am afraid I don't remember what the Tree is called"
Muriel took a second to think, before snapping her fingers and a large box containing a large selection of files inside of it. "Ahh, I believe I know which one you are talking about Sir. Zuphlas created this tree, he had quite a fit when he realized that now it would serve almost no purpose in the Garden. Started complaining to Gabriel when he found out."
"Oh? Why would he be complaining?"
"Well it's uhh-" Muriel winced slightly, "It's Zuphlas Sir, he's the Head of the Garden Angels, he is just frustrated he was assigned to a Tree that was supposed to have a purpose but now it's just considered one of the basic ones"
Aziraphale could see the frustration, but in his own personal opinion, the tree was beautiful. The leaves pooled down beautifully and held a nice shade that made Aziraphale almost want to sit underneath it and close his eyes.
"Ahh, thank you, Muriel. Do you still have that file?"
Muriel smiled, and let out a slight noise of excitement when they seemed to find what they were looking for. "Yes! There you are Sir, The Weeping Willow! Zuphlas said it was some of his finest work, though I haven't seen it for myself before"
"I can tell you I believe he is right, The Weeping Willow is quite a sight for sore eyes" Aziraphale smiled, "Maybe I can show it to you someday"
The scrivener brightened at that, "Really? Oh I would truly love to see it someday Sir" they said excitedly, and Aziraphale made a mental note to make sure he could take Muriel to see it.
"Of course, maybe in a few days perhaps? I am mostly assigned to Guard the Eastern Gate, but whenever I am free again, I would love to personally show you it. If you're not busy of course"
Muriel excitedly nodded, "There is always going to be paperwork, but I believe I can make space for a little bit just to see the tree!"
"Very well then Muriel, I shall hope to see you in a few days"
Muriel gave a little bow and Aziraphale responded in kind, before turning around to walk off. His wings folded tightly behind his back and he quickly opened the folder to examine the contents inside. His eyes rolled when he saw just how messy Zuphlas seemed to write, but he tried to understand all the various notes, doodles, and sketches of the Weeping Willow.
His nose scrunched slightly when he saw that one design of this tree was to be made from actual tears.
However, there was nothing in this file to hint at what was supposed to be in the tree. From Cambiel's comments, it was supposed to be something with scales. Though a fish having legs made no sense, maybe it had something to do with Lizards.
He considered for a moment in going to Ligur about it, knowing that angel had quite a fondness for scaly friends before remembering that he was now one of the Fallen. Shit. His wings twitched in annoyance and something inside him kept screaming at him that he needed to figure it out.
His foot tapping on the floor, Aziraphale found himself starting to pace. The angel never got around to it so that meant the apparent creature was never invented.
" Look, it has no legs see? Instead, it slithers around, using its muscles to move! "
No legs. Yes, that was a sort of unique idea for it! Maybe with Aziraphale's faulty wiring, maybe he could make the creature that was assigned there. With a snap of his fingers, a paper and pen appeared in his hands.
He started to draw.
He wasn't very good, not like Zuphlas or any of the creation Angels. He could see the way their drawings were essentially life-like, ready to come directly off the pages and into real life. This drawing was nothing compared to them, but he seemed to be hit with a flash of inspiration. Maybe for once, he could fill that emptiness with...a little bit of something .
" Did you know it can eat its food whole? See look, it unhinges its jaw and can just swallow anything it wants! "
" -It doesn't have eyelids, so you can never really tell if it's sleeping or awake. Which is the fun of it all- "
" I think I may have some be venomous as both a protection detail and something to help it hunt, though I think most will just be able to crush its prey "
Then Aziraphale was done. He looked over at the paper, eyes widening as he took in what he made. It was beautiful. It had large yellow eyes with slitted pupils like a cat, the top set of scales a deep black color. Almost reminding him of the black of space and the underbelly was-
Aziraphale gave a little smile. The underbelly was Red. The same Red as the apple in Eden. A first glimpse to the Light he had been searching for.
He needed to show this to The Almighty.
---------------
"Well well well, Aziraphale" Gabriel muttered, a look of genuine annoyance in his eyes. "I don't know how you did it, but apparently you had created something even though you are a principality "
Azirapahle winced.
He didn't expect God to have actually answered his requests to Her, instead just expecting her to send the Metatron in his stead. He expected even less to see the soft fondness in her words when she said 'yes' to his creation.
Now he was with Gabriel who had to assign him to a creation Angel. Since Aziraphale's power never lay in the ability to actually make things, someone else was to do it for him. Which of course caused a lot more paperwork on Gabriel's end and already the Archangel was struggling to keep up with it.
"Uh yes sir," he said, "I am a principality, but the Weeping Willow tree deserved to have a creature there. Like Zuphlas said, and I am a fan of his work" Aziraphale said smoothly, though the words tasted sour on his tongue. What was he doing? Why was he not telling them why he actually did it.
Gabriel huffed, "Fine, whatever. Ariel here is assigned to making your creation. She's the head of the Animal Angels, and will be able to make your thing in time before Adam arrives in the Garden."
Ariel gave a smile, her golden curls falling neatly around her face. "It will be an honor to work with you Aziraphale," she said sweetly, her voice reminding him faintly of a bird's chirp. Then again, Ariel was the one who invented the concept of Birds.
"It will be an honor to work with you as well Ariel, I truly hope I am not taking too much of your time?"
"Not at all, and this definitely will help Zuphlas to get off my back for once, even though it wasn't my fault that a file was never made in the first place" Ariel huffed slightly.
Gabriel groaned, "Whatever, get to work you two. Azriaphale, when you are done, you are to immediately go back to the Eastern Gate. Understood?"
Azirphale quickly nodded and finally, Gabriel walked off.
"Hmmm, he has always been a grumpy one," Ariel said, amused at Gabriel's frustration. "I do not believe I have ever really seen him happy and with how he acts as the Supreme Archangel, there is a part of me that is surprised he never Fell"
"Ariel! You can't just say stuff like that" Aziraphale said, his eyes widening as he processed her words. She only giggled.
"Oh come on Aziraphale, it's not like he's gonna hear it. Plus, you know I'm right! Honestly, I don't even understand what the Almighty was thinking, making him in charge" she grinned, "If you ask me, I think someone else was supposed to be Supreme Archangel...but they are missing"
"That doesn't make any sense"
"Like a Principality making an animal?"
Aziraphale went silent at that. She did have a point there.
She gave him a smile, "Now, show me what you have there and I shall get to work on making it!" She gave an eager clap, almost excited to be working on something new. Even if it wasn't something designed by The Almighty or one of the angels assigned to her.
He awkwardly gave the paper over to her, suddenly feeling even more shy. Even though he knew the Almighty Herself approved of this creature.
"Oh look at you, your-"
" Oh look at you, you're gorgeous "
She reminded him of someone. The way she smiled and made little excited noises in her excitement of creation. The way she questioned things and her annoyance with Gabriel. The way she treated Aziraphale like a friend instead of someone beneath her. For a moment, it felt like the emptiness in his heart was filled. That is until he came back into focus with Ariel suddenly appearing in his face.
"Hey, Aziraphale!" Ariel shouted, causing Aziraphale to jump.
"Wha-oh, uh, yes?"
"You good? You seemed really spaced out all of the sudden" she asked, a look of concern on her face. "Like you weren't here for a moment"
Ariaphale winced, "My apologies, I just thought of something and forgot what I was doing for a moment. What was it that you needed?"
Ariel only stared at him for a moment, before sighing. "I need a name."
He blinked once. Twice. "A name?"
"Yes, a name! Like Birds or Cats" she explained, "All creatures need a name before they can even hope to be made. It's like an identity of sorts, so when they are made, they know exactly what they are and that their instincts can naturally fall into place"
That made sense, plus it wasn't like Aziraphale could question her. This wasn't his job. "Oh yes, let me think"
He tried to examine his mind, desperately trying to think of a word that could encapsulate this creature's identity. However, he was having a hard time coming, and with a quick thought he asked, "Why don't you name it?"
"Nope, you're not putting this on me, buddy. This is your Creature, and you are gonna be the one to name it" she stated before her face turned mischievous. "Come on, I know you got it in you!"
She was quite mischievous, and a lot more relaxed and energetic than Aziraphale thought she was gonna be. His thoughts turned back to the person Ariel reminded him of. They were quite a wiley-
"What about Serpent?"
Aziraphale blinked in surprise at what he said. Serpent? He never even heard that word before, Where did he even get something like that? Red and now Serpent? Just what was going on with him?
Ariel herself had a contemplative look, "Serpent...Serpent" she muttered, before suddenly smiling. "Serpant it is! Now, I need you to tell me all about how your Serpent works my friend, and I'll get to work on making sure it functions correctly. There may be some changes, but that is only because of functionality and making sure it can survive well on Earth without being killed the first few days"
Aziraphale only nodded, but he was confident nothing needed to change. This 'Serpant' would be perfect though he couldn't really tell himself why he thought that way. For a moment, it almost felt like the 'Serpents' were already invented, though that was impossible.
"Very well Ariel, lead the way?"
---------------
A day later, Serpents were added to the garden. Aziraphale watched as Ariel gently let the large creature slither from her arms and up into the tree. It wasn't as big as he first requested it to be but Ariel explained a creature such as this had no reason to be as big. Especially if it only really ate mice and eggs.
"It's beautiful" Aziraphale whispered, watching the creature climb up the tree with ease. He could see the way each scale moved and glinted against the sun. Its tongue flicked out as it curiously explored the new area it found itself in.
Ariel nodded, "He is a beauty that's for sure" she agreed, "Really fits well with the Weeping Willow, though I am sure I will have to find a better location for creatures like this outside of the Garden"
She then turned to him, flashing him a smile. "So I know you working here in the Garden but if you ever find yourself in Heaven, you should totally visit me" she winked. "I would love to see you again darling"
Aziraphale suddenly grew uncomfortable, his eyes widening when he realized what she was insinuating. "Oh uh, I am afraid I don't when I can return," he said, wincing when he realized how his voice cracked.
"Let me down easy will you?" She said, "But don't worry. I am only really asking for a friendly way. You're much better than anyone else I've talked with in a long time, especially since you liked listening to all my little theories...and I can tell your heart is already for someone else" she teased, nudging him.
"Oh...if it's just as friends, I would love to visit you again. Though I was honest in saying that I don't know when I can return. The Almighty personally assigned me here and I am pretty sure she's going to assign me to Earth-based jobs permanently" Aziraphale said before her last words suddenly processed through him. "Wait what do you mean by that?"
Ariel's eyebrow rose, "Oh please, you space out a lot and every time you just make big ol' heart eyes. You looked worse than Hastur looking at Ligure when he was pining for him...before they Fell"
"I am afraid I don't know what you mean Dear Girl," she said, tilting his head. "There isn't anyone that has my heart"
"Uh huh, you keep saying that buddy, and I'll pretend to believe you. Anyway, I gotta head out. Got some last few things to wrangle together and make sure everyone gets their assignments done before Adam heads down. You good?"
Aziraphale just mutely nodded as Ariel patted his shoulder, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and flew off.
Who did she think he was in love with? That made zero sense to Aziraphale, but now that he was back on Earth, in the garden. He had to push that thought away. He needed to focus on guarding and making sure the Garden was safe and sound for Adam when he arrived.
---------------
He watched Adam and Eve leave around the 17th day of their existence.
Aziraphale wasn't entirely sure what suddenly prompted Eve to eat the Apple, but on that 17th day, she suddenly just seemed to wake up and make a beeline for the Apple itself. A few demons had tried to make their stance in getting Eve to eat the apple, but with Aziraphale, Cambiel, and the other Principalities guarding the garden, they barely had a chance to say anything to the humans.
Yet, apparently, they didn't need to do anything. Eve just ate the apple and convinced Adam to do it too.
With the chaos of God kicking them out and Aziraphale leading them out while stressing about their safety, he decided to give them the Flaming Sword that he was gifted. The same sword that was used during the Rebellion. The same sword that hurt Kokobiel.
" You had a flaming sword, didn't you? It was flaming like anything, what happened to it? "
"Oh well, I gave it aw-" Aziraphale paused, looking to the side as though someone was supposed to be standing there. Yet, the space beside him was empty as it had always been.
He gave a tired sigh, now finally accepting that this mysterious voice that kept appearing in his head may just never fully go away.
Perhaps it's an imaginary friend, Aziraphale thought, A way to cope with the loneliness.
But of course, that didn't entirely make sense. After all, Aziraphale was an angel. There was nothing built in him to even feel loneliness, especially not the kind that would have made him imagine up a friend. Plus, Aziraphale wasn't very imaginative in the first place, in fact, it should be quite impossible for him to do so. But then...he did invent the Serpent.
Yet the emptiness beside him was still there, and his wings twitched to cover a body that didn't exist once the rain started. Maybe this voice was his imagination.
Or maybe he did need a friend and while Aziraphale knew he wouldn't be making any friends in Heaven, maybe there was a chance to make friends with the humans. The sort of friends that would have Aziraphale not need this 'voice' inside him, and finally feel that empty space beside him.
Angel's at heart were social creatures, and he knew he wasn't quite liked in Heaven due to his much softer nature. That, and how eerily different he seemed to be to them. After all, he experienced sadness before Sadness had even been invented.
Especially now that he was assigned to Earth permanently, with Cambiel and the others now back up in heaven. Aziraphale was now assigned to protect the humans and help further their path to good instead of Evil. Which of course he figured should be an easy enough job, especially since all the demons he has currently handled seemed to be fairly weak.
He doubted anything stronger would actually show up.
So after the storm had slowly passed, Aziraphale taking shelter underneath one of the trees in Eden, he made a mental resolve to find Adam and Eve personally. If just to be their guardian angel for a little bit.
But first, he did have a few little things to do.
He had to patch the hole in the Garden wall where Adam and Eve exited. Slowly putting away the bricks piece by piece till it looked as though there was never a hole in the first place. Second, he did a few more fly-throughs in everything the Garden had to offer, and for a moment. He stopped where the Serpent was.
He knew the Garden was to be destroyed and instead expanded all across the Earth. But everything that existed in this particular garden would be gone, and Aziraphale was finding himself having a hard time saying farewell to his first and only creation.
Then it was decided that he couldn't. Not when the Serpent had raised his head to stare at Aziraphale, his little head giving a tilt that almost made Aziraphale coo with how cute it was. He especially couldn't say no when it decided to slither over to him and crawl up Aziraphale's body.
It's tongue flicking in the angel's face, which caused him to giggle slightly.
"Would you want to come with me my dear?" he asked the Serpent now coiled around his arm. Keeping its head up to stare at Aziraphale with unblinking eyes. Its tongue flicked out once more and that seemed as good a response as any.
"I do hope you like humans sweet thing...and flying, but feel free to wrap as tightly as you need, but I shall protect you!" he said excitedly, his wings spreading a bit before giving a little flap. Testing the Serpent's reaction to the new movement.
It barely even moved but then it slowly slithered back up his arm and seemed to wrap around Aziraphale's shoulders and body as though it understood what Aziraphale was to do. "Very well dear boy, let's go!"
---------------
"What's its name?"
Aziraphale blinked himself out of his thoughts, looking over to see Eve looking at him. "What did you say, dear girl?" he questioned.
"What's its name? Your snake?" Eve asked again, looking down at the Serpent that was happily coiled in his lap. Aziraphale was gently petting the creature's back, running his hands alongside the smooth scales.
The angel at first wasn't sure if the snake (as Eve has taken to calling it) enjoyed the pets but the serpent had never made any move that he didn't enjoy. Aziraphale did trust in its ability to his in its displeasure since he strongly remembered seeing the way the snake harshly hissed at Adam when he tried to move the Serpent somewhere else.
Instead, the Serpent simply seemed to fall asleep every time Aziraphale ended up petting it and it very quickly became a soothing motion for Aziraphale. "I-He doesn't have a name" Azirphale stated. "I have only really called him Serpent"
"But that is what Creature is called," Eve said, seeming to give an exasperated look to Aziraphale.
The angel only seemed to be confused about what she was insinuating. "I am afraid I don't really know what you mean, I do not see what's so important in calling him a Serpent. After all, that is what he is"
Eve only stared at him before dramatically rolling her eyes. "That's not a name Aziraphale" she chuckled, "That would be like me calling my child 'human' you know, it's weird. It doesn't give them their identity, their purpose," she said, "It doesn't separate them from everything else around here"
He paused at that, looking down at the snake who seemed to notice that Azirphale stopped petting it. Its slitted eyes moved to look up at the angel before giving a very large yawn. While Aziraphale found it very cute, he pointedly ignored Eve's shiver of disgust at the sight.
"Hmm, well I must admit I am terrible at coming up with names. It's a miracle that I came up with the name Serpent for this creature in the first place" he chuckles. "So I would really appreciate some help in naming him...say, have you thought of a name for your child?"
"I can see you trying to change the subject Aziraphale" Eve warned, her dark eyes narrowing at the angel who froze up slightly.
"No, no my dear! I am genuinely asking you...for some references you know?"
Eve stared at him, before shaking her head and looking down at her large stomach. One of her heads gently rested on top of her stomach with a fond look in her eyes. "We've decided the name Cain," she said with a smile, "It just...we don't know necessarily why, but that name felt special to us. I feel he would wear his name well"
"You are sure it's a He?" Aziraphale then asked, surprised at her level of confidence.
She nodded, "I know for certain" she stated. Her voice left no room for error. "Though, do not ask me why. It's simply a feeling"
"Well dear girl, feelings are unique to you" Azirphale reminded and while it's only been about a month since they left, there were many things that seemed unique to the humans.
She shook her head once more, moving her body slightly and Aziraphale quickly spread out his wing so she could have some place to rest her back. "I know, but they don't seem unique just to us. I see you every day Aziraphale...you seem both happily in love, the way I am with Adam...but there is something else" she trailed off. "Something I can't quite name."
"I don't really know what you mean?" he said, wondering why she seemed to be speaking of something so eerily similar to what Ariel was saying not too long ago. "I am not in love"
"But you are...you look the same as Adam when he thinks I am not looking," she said, "You wear your heart on your sleeve and it makes you not difficult to read."
Aziraphale anxiously started to pet the Serpent again, who gave a contented hiss as it found itself relaxing once more in Aziraphale's lap. "I really am not in love Eve, so I truly do not understand what you are thinking"
Eve gave a sigh, "Then what is it?" she asked, almost seemingly concerned with Azirphale's reaction.
The angel wasn't sure how to respond then, but he could see how genuinely concerned Eve was over this. Especially with the way her brows furrowed and the edges of her mouth was slipping further down. "It's just-" he stopped, hesitating. She didn't need to know his worries.
"It's just what?"
Aziraphale looked down at the Serpent, once again running his fingers down the scales. Enjoying the feeling of the smoothness against his fingertips and he could see the way his hands shook ever so slightly. "It's just...I feel like there is something missing" he said, "A presence that simply isn't there...if that makes sense"
She tilted her head, before thinking to herself. "I think I know what you are feeling?"
Aziraphale looked at her with genuine surprise. "Truly?" he asked, "What makes you think that?"
"On the 7th day, when I woke up, I just...I couldn't explain it but something was missing. I mean I had been feeling it for a while, starting around the 2nd day of Eden but just...that day in particular, I just really felt it" she explained, "Like there was someone that was supposed to be there but they weren't. In fact felt it so strongly that I just kept sitting on the bench, waiting for this person to show and they never did. Even Adam grew concerned"
Aziraphale didn't even notice that, instead he had to focus on defending the western gate with Cambiel when a demon had tried to rise through the ground. He was so focused on that, that he didn't even notice Eve's apparent worries.
"After that day passed, that feeling hadn't returned...until you showed up again," she said, "It just feels like something is supposed to be with you-"
" Eve is a sweet girl, isn't she? I am worried about what it means to have a child, I don't want her getting hurt "
"I think I know what you mean," he said, "But it's most likely nothing dear girl. I-I believe that I am to have some sort of....faulty wiring and most likely it's these things transferring into you"
She didn't seem to believe him then, but she seemed to tell that Aziraphale didn't really want to speak of it any longer. Instead, she decided to change the subject. "So what are you naming him?"
"Hmm?"
Eve rolled her eyes again, giving an amused snort. "Your serpent Aziraphale, the entire reason this topic got brought up?"
"Oh! Uh, yes your right. Hmm, I will be honest I am still not entirely sure what even goes in a name" he explained. "Cain sounds like a wonderful name for your child, but how did you even think of it?"
She shrugged, "I don't really know. I guess we were just trying out words we knew and sounds that were familiar and eventually Cain came to be."
Maybe it was as easy as that?
"I know in some of our tests in naming things, we tried to use certain descriptors, but we don't really know what Cain is going to look like so we decided to scrap that idea. However your Serpent here already has his design all finished, maybe you can use that?"
"What sort of descriptors would you give a Serpent?"
Eve looked down at the snake who seemed very content with itself. Its tongue still flicked out occasionally but otherwise remained still.
"Hmm, well he seems very...I dunno. Scaly? But that doesn't really seem like a decent name for him. It slithers...or crawls? Crawley? No, that just sounds mean" she huffed, wrinkling her nose. "Yea, maybe descriptors don't really work...hey maybe you can name him after something you like?"
"Something I like?"
"Yea! What are things you like Aziraphale? Food, items...maybe colors?"
Azirphale thought for a moment, looking down at the sweet snake who seemed to slightly leaning into his pets. That was when he saw it, the red scales of the serpent's underbelly. With a flash of an idea, Azirpahale simply gave a bright smile.
"I believe I know what I am going to name him!" he said excitedly, his body almost wiggling before he quickly stopped when the snake gave a small annoyed hiss. "Apologies dear one" he quickly said.
"Oh? Don't leave a girl waiting you know" Eve teased, but Aziraphale could see the way she was genuinely excited to know.
"I wish to simply name him Red. Like his scales" he said, "It's my favorite color, I mean I did consider a moment that Yellow was my favorite...but Red is...well I'd like to say it's my color" he giggled, almost flapping his wings before he remembered Eve was using one of them as a cushion.
"Red...well, I think that is an amazing name!" she said, just as excited as him. "Almost like we both got children, though I do hope Cain doesn't have Red's temperament. I saw him almost bite Adam the other day!"
"Oh I am sure Cain will be absolutely darling"
---------------
" How could you do this to them? How could you let them be capable of something like this? Why? Why? "
Aziraphale could hear the ringing of Eve's desperate sobs. Her cries echoed across the vast landscape as Adam held her tightly in his arms. Aziraphale was trying to heal the wound, but the blood was pouring out of Abel's head too fast. As though there was something else stopping it from healing.
"Please save my boy! Please, please!" Eve begged and cried, but Aziraphale knew he was to fail in this mission. Abel was going to die. He could hear the way the young boy's heart was slowly down, the way his breathing grew even more ragged. The breaths slowed down until eventually, it all stopped.
" He deserves to be in the stars...I couldn't...I'm sorry Eve "
Aziraphale quietly pulled away, the shock running through his system. Hands shaking as he stared at the blood staining his palms, digging into his skin like Hellfire. "I-I..." Aziraphale whispered, looking up to see Eve's horrified look. Her face was pale with shock, her cheeks stained with tears.
"No! No, Abel!" she wailed, ripping herself from Adam's arms and collapsing in front of her youngest son. She pushed away the strands in front of his hair, cradling his face in her hands. "Abel, please! Abel wake up!" she begged, shaking him slightly.
Adam only stood there, unable to move. Unable to think.
Aziraphale couldn't do anything to help. His eyes glanced over to Cain, who was cradling a now broken arm to his chest.
" He deserves punishment Angel, a lifetime of suffering! " it hissed in his ear, the first time he could hear how truly angry it was. " How dare She allow this, allow this pain. "
Cain didn't seem to be in the same sort of shock Adam was, but even worse, there was not a single glimpse of remorse in his eyes. It made Aziraphale angry .
" You are to wander Cain, never to die. Never to age. You will suffer for all of eternity, watching as everything you care about inevitably fades away. You will have everything but then always have nothing "
Aziraphale's fingers twitched, almost wishing he held the sword in his hand. To run Cain through, to destroy him like he destroyed his brother. To rip him apart. How dare he. How dare he do this to Abel?
The same Abel who loved to ask Aziraphale questions. The same Abel grasped his toga tightly, eager to follow the angel around with wide eyes. Who asked to hold Red, and play with him whenever he could.
Abel was such a sweet boy that Aziraphale almost loved him like his own.
He could hear the way Red was angrily hissing beside him, the muscles of the snake's body tensing and coiling around Aziraphale's body. He could even hear the way the venom rushed to the snake's fangs.
Yet. Azirpahale couldn't do anything. Of course, he wasn't. He simply wasn't allowed to.
Soon after, Adam grabbed Cain's other arm. Shaking him around as he shouted and hollered at Cain, but the boy only provided lame excuses for his actions. Not once in this entire conversation did he apologize.
"I want you gone Cain" Eve then stepped in, her voice hoarse but carrying an anger that Azirphale didn't even know she had in her. Her voice was dark and growly, and her eyes were wide with rage as she stared at her oldest son. "I want you gone, and I want you to never return. Do you understand me" she stated.
It was then that Cain showed fear. "Mom wha-"
"Do not call me that" she snarled, suddenly standing up. "I am not your mother, not anymore and you are not my son"
"Dad please, talk to Mom"
"No Cain, you have gone too far. This is enough." Adam said, standing behind Eve who was panting with her anger. As though it took everything in her to not do what Cain did to Abel. To take that same rock and smash it into her son's face.
The gravity of Cain's situation seemed to settle into the boy's face. "No, no...Please, I need you guys! I can't do this without you!"
It was then that Aziraphale stepped in. His eyes flashed dangerously and his wings spread wide to guard Adam and Eve from their childs cries. "You have heard them Cain, you are to leave and never to return. Do you understand"
" I hate you. I hate you. I hate you! "
Cain left then. Cain knew he stood no chance against a furious angel, especially one that was so close to the family. He knew Aziraphale would not hesitate to smite him and Aziraphale could tell that Cain knew that the angel was simply looking for a reason to.
It was an hour later that Eve told Aziraphale to leave to.
"I need you gone too Aziraphale" she whispered, "I can't...you didn't" her voice cracked at the end of it, her hands turning into fists. "You couldn't save my baby, and I don't know if I can forgive you for that."
And of course, Aziraphale understood. He left at first light the next morning with a simple hope that maybe Eve would one day be okay.
She had to be.
He knew that if Eve ever called upon him again, he would return without hesitation. She had become a dear friend, and he knew she deserved better than this suffering her curiosity brought her. It wasn't the first moment that made him think: 'What would have happened if Eve never ate the Apple'.
It wasn't the first thought that he wished he didn't tell God about the color red. Only for the simple hopes that maybe it would have never been made. Maybe it was his fault that Eve was suffering like this.
Or maybe it was simply Her plan all along. After all, she wanted Her humans to have Free Will. To give them a choice between good and evil. Right from wrong. It disgusted Aziraphale because all he could think was that Eve deserved so much better.
She loved so much, especially her children. The way she would soften at their smiles and the way she would giggle at their jokes. The way she would dance with them, singing gentle lullabies to help them sleep. She loved her boys so much and this was what God did to them. To her. She took them both away and had nothing to defend Herself with.
It was Eve's anger, however, that made Aziraphale realize why he had been so attracted to Eve's presence. Cause in her rage...he swore he could see a glint of red in her hair.
" Isn't Eve sweet? Reminds me a lot of myself really... too curious for her own good "
---------------
He only saw Eve one more time after that.
She had called for him, a quiet whisper in his mind. Just a hairbrush of a phrase but he knew who it was immediately.
Adam had already long passed when he arrived. Eve was lying in a small cot, and standing beside her was her third son, Seth.
"Aziraphale" she whispered, holding out her hand ever so gently. "I am-" she started to cough, and immediately Aziraphale rushed over to simply try and release some of the pain.
"Oh Eve, what happened? Are you okay?" Aziraphale fussed, but even only waved him away. Aziraphale could see the way her hands shook. The way her skin was wrinkled around her skeleton. She looked so different than the last time he saw her...but still as beautiful as the day he met her in the Garden.
"It's good to see you again" she croaked out, her face pulling into a very weak smile. "I am-I am so sorry I didn't call for you earlier"
"Mom don't apolog-" Seth started, but was quickly interrupted with a harsh glare from Eve. Even now, she was still so scary sometimes.
Aziraphale was looking her over, trying to figure out what was wrong. Maybe it was a sort of sickness that he wasn't aware of. Or maybe Cain came back and cast a spell on her, or- "Eve what's wrong? What can I do to help?"
She only gave a chuckle at that, "Oh Aziraphale...you can't help me with this darling" she said before motioning him closer. He did so, shuffling on his knees.
The angel scowled, "I don't understand, this-there must be-"
"I am growing old Aziraphale, this is what happens to humans now"
"No! That can't be right! You're supposed to be-well immortal, to never die like-" Aziraphale choked out, tears welling up in his eyes. "You're not supposed to-"
Eve only smiled, "Maybe originally...but not after I ate those apples"
Aziraphale started to sob. "No...No your not-why did you eat those damned Apples, my dear girl" he gasped out. He didn't know what this was. Why his body was doing this? He didn't like this feeling, he didn't like it at all. Red was coiled tightly around his body. His nose tickled his ear.
"I don't regret it, darling," she said then, "I don't regret eating those Apples. I liked the Garden well enough...but I think I appreciate Happiness a lot more now that I have Pain to compare it to"
He could stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. "I don't want you to go" he whispered, "You are all thats-"
She hummed and gently cradled his cheeks. "I am not all that's left, my legacy will be remembered by Seth. By my grandkids. By you" she said, "you have Humans now, and you will find me in all of them"
He closed his eyes, taking in shuttering, pained breaths. His throat felt clogged as he rested his own hand upon hers, wrapping his fingers around her palm. He was still gentle just as she was still fragile.
"You remind me of the thing I am missing" Aziraphale whispered, "The presence that isn't there"
Eve only hummed as Aziraphale leaned in her touch. "Darling...I think you'll find that again" she softly stated, as though her word was Law. "Just look for it...don't hide from it."
Aziraphale gave a very weak nod, "I will do my best"
"Good. Now, I want you to sit here with me and my son, and tell me a story okay? Any story you'd like, I just-" she trailed off, "I would love for your voice to be the last thing I hear until I go"
Aziraphale did. He sat with her all night that night. Seth eventually fell asleep in the corner, and even when Eve herself fell asleep. He didn't stop. He didn't stop even when her breath started evening out. Even when he could feel her soul gently separating from her body. He didn't stop when she died.
He didn't stop when he saw Death themselves standing before him.
He continued until the morning. When the birds started to chirp and Seth's eyes were flickering open as he awoken himself from the slumber. With Eve, he realized that the emptiness in him felt a little fuller. Almost replacing it with a striking familiarity.
Of course, that feeling never went fully away, but whatever it was Aziraphale was missing. Eve seemed to hold a part of it. He was grateful at least, that Red was still there. The last thing he had from the Garden he so adored.
" You make sure she's remembered...that her story is told for the rest of eternity okay? "
I will , Aziraphale thought, I promise