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Now that summer had broke, they’d survived a trip away together, and they’d had an eventful dinner that had strained Nick’s family relationships further but had somehow warmed Charlie’s mum towards him, he and Charlie were back to frequenting each other’s houses every day. Mostly, Nick went to Charlie’s, which had the double benefit of avoiding David and appeasing Charlie’s mum even further. There were, however, a list of downsides, including Charlie’s mum and her open-door-rule (one Sarah Nelson would never implement or even entertain, especially while David remained). Another was the absence of Nellie (Charlie’s complaint), and the fact Charlie seemed enthralled with Nick’s room in a way that always made Nick preen.
Another was that Charlie’s bed had not been made for two people, like Nick’s very spacious and comfortable double.
This was, however, also a benefit.
They took every opportunity to be as close to each other as possible now regardless. Nick, in being with Charlie, had become aware of his slight clinginess and continued to display it unashamedly. Charlie was less inclined to ask for attention and affection but no less fond of it, so Nick was happy to supply for both of them. Confined to Charlie’s single bed, it was easy to enact without many excuses. Nick didn’t have to try at all, really; he only had to climb onto the bed next to Charlie and they would align, shoulder to hip to foot. Once they were that close, it seemed easy for Charlie to settle into him. He’d tuck his knee under Nick’s and rest his head on Nick’s shoulder. Nick would automatically wrap him up, and Charlie would finally unspool, loosening enough that he melted into Nick like butter.
This also seemed to make it easier for Charlie to fall asleep on Nick, like he had moments ago. Nick couldn’t tease him too much about; he was guiltier of using Charlie as a pillow than vice versa. The only one-up he had was Charlie’s tendency to actually sleep, seemingly regardless of other circumstances.
Nick had mixed feelings about it. Primarily, Charlie was lovely when he slept—as he was in every waking moment, too, but still—and Nick could content himself with gazing at how his lashes grazed his cheeks and his lips parted to accommodate his looser breaths for ages. He’d miss half the movie (or episode or whatever they’d chosen as that day’s entertainment) himself every time, once he allowed himself those first few extended seconds of watching Charlie instead until inevitably he couldn’t keep his gaze away. The steady press of Charlie’s warmth along his side didn’t exactly aid his concentration, either.
It wasn’t often that Nick could be coerced to abandon a Marvel movie, but when Charlie hummed quietly in his sleep and pressed his cheek to Nick’s shoulder, Nick shut Charlie’s laptop and set it aside. He gazed down at his boyfriend instead, smiling to himself at the sleepy pout he found.
Charlie’s usual defences lowered in his sleep, leaving both relaxation and discomfort to play out across his expression as they occurred. This meant that Nick immediately noticed, even a beat before Charlie twitched, that something was wrong. The low whining sound that slipped from Charlie’s lips only confirmed it.
Frowning, Nick tightened his arm around Charlie, drawing him in closer as he slipped his free hand up to Charlie’s cheek. He stroked the skin under Charlie’s lashes with his thumb as Charlie’s eyelids scrunched. Nick’s heart did something complicated in his chest as Charlie twisted into his grip and his name slipped from Charlie’s lips.
Nick was about to reassure him of his presence and give him a gentle, welcome-awake kiss, only to frown deeper when he realised Charlie hadn’t woken. His concern only grew when Charlie’s next word was, in a sleepy tremble, “Please…”
As Charlie grew more agitated, Nick gave in. He nudged his shoulder into Charlie, gently murmuring, “Char.” He repeated the motion and soft, coaxing calls until Charlie finally stirred, making another vaguely helpless sound as he shifted out of sleep.
Nick offered a smile as Charlie’s gaze focused on him. “Hey.”
Charlie blinked slowly. “Hi.” He moved his cheek against Nick’s shoulder, taking in their position. His eyes flickered around until he found his laptop, discarded and quiet. “Did I fall asleep on you again?”
Nick hummed. “You should really just pick the movie next time.”
Charlie buried his face in Nick’s shoulder and groaned before the sound turned into a small laugh. “It’s not my fault you’re very comfortable.”
“Glad to be of service.”
That earned him another snort before Charlie lifted his head up again. He set his chin against Nick’s shoulder and kissed Nick’s cheek. Nick’s skin warmed under the affection. “Promise I’m awake and will be less boring now.”
“Being with you is never boring,” Nick said. Charlie’s cheeks reddened, surely to match Nick’s own. Instead of ducking away another time, however, Charlie leaned closer to kiss Nick proper, lips moulding together with effortless familiarity. Nick hummed into Charlie’s mouth and felt Charlie’s hand tangle in the ends of his hair. “Will have to admit this is much more fun, though.”
Charlie laughed, kissed Nick harder, and pulled away. Nick chased after him and was rewarded with a kiss to the forehead. Charlie scratched through his hair, gazing at him in the contemplative way he’d taken to over the past few weeks, as if he was questioning something and somewhere in Nick, he’d find the answer. Nick thought he was an entirely open book when it came to Charlie; he’d never been able to hide a thing. Whatever Charlie was looking for, Nick would allow and hope for him to find.
He tilted their foreheads together, stealing another brief, brush of a kiss. Once Charlie was smiling again, he allowed himself to ask. “Were you having a dream?”
Charlie’s smile immediately faltered, making Nick’s heart repeat the complicated manoeuvre from before. “You could tell?”
“You were calling out, in your sleep,” Nick clarified. He couldn’t help adding, “You said my name.”
Charlie reddened again. “Oh.” He cleared his throat.
Nick raised his brows. Despite his concern, and the fact he had a fair idea Charlie’s dream had been more of a nightmare, he couldn’t help but try to lighten Charlie’s mood with teasing. “Not sure if I should be offended or flattered you had to fantasise about me in your sleep when you had the real thing right here.”
“What?” Charlie pulled back, sputtering. “I wasn’t—it’s not—oh my god, I actually hate you,” he groaned when Nick cracked, breaking into laughter at Charlie’s obvious fluster.
“Care to share?” Nick nudged, gently.
Charlie pursed his lips, glancing down. “It really wasn’t like that.”
Nick didn’t hesitate before admitting the truth. “I figured. You seemed sort of…distressed.”
Charlie didn’t argue or agree with his assessment, only continued looking away and stayed silent.
“Was it because of me? In the dream, I mean. Or…”
“No,” Charlie quickly dismissed, then winced. “Or, sort of? But not because—you didn’t do anything wrong. All my dreams about you usually are good dreams. Really good dreams,” he mumbled, seemingly to himself, before realising and blushing in response to Nick’s grin.
“Dream about me a lot, do you?”
“Shut up or I’m not telling you anything.”
Nick sobered, tucking his smile away and offering Charlie his undivided attention. “I’m listening,” he said quietly. “Whatever it was, you can tell me.”
Charlie softened, turning back until his nose touched to Nick’s cheek. He nuzzled there for a second before admitting, “They were hurting you.”
Nick’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t pull away, finding as much comfort in the contact as he hoped Charlie was. “What? Who?”
“I dunno,” Charlie mumbled. “Didn’t matter. Wasn’t important. It was just…they were surrounding you. Calling out these awful things, and shoving you around, and you weren’t doing anything and I couldn’t get to you. I called for you, and I thought I was blocked out completely, like you couldn’t hear me or see me or anything. But then you looked right at me and I realised you were just—you wouldn’t let me in. You weren’t going to ask me for help. You were just going to take it.”
Nick—took a long moment to process that. For a moment, the image of it seemed backwards to him. He’d had the exact same nightmare a few times in reverse. Charlie had been hurt over and over, and Nick had never even tried to stop it—he hadn’t been there at all. In what felt like sharp contrast, Nick had relied on Charlie every single day for months; Charlie had been helping him without being asked since the day they’d met. Nick wondered if it was that simple flip, if Charlie had translated his own trauma-brought fears into fear for Nick, as Nick had started to notice over the past weeks.
Then another thought came, and the full possible meaning clicked into place.
“Do you think there’s a particular reason you were dreaming about that?” Nick ventured, wanting to give Charlie the opportunity to speak on his own before offering up his personal theories.
Charlie tucked his face back into Nick’s neck, and did nothing for a moment but breathe into Nick’s skin. “I think I’ve been sort of…worried,” he whispered. “That since I told you about everything, you’d feel like…like you couldn’t tell me things. Like I wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
Nick dipped his head down until his nose was buried in Charlie’s curls. For a moment, he just breathed with him. “I told you I’d never treat you differently because of anything like that, though,” he whispered back.
“I know,” Charlie said, a little stronger. “I know you wouldn’t mean to, but I just think—I’ve done it to you. And it wasn’t because I didn’t think you could handle it, but I didn’t want you to have to. I didn’t want to stress you out or upset you or see me any differently. I couldn’t help it. I wanted—I wanted to take care of you,” Charlie said, low and achingly gentle. “And it didn’t matter about me. And I don’t—I don’t just want that to switch, now.”
Nick wrapped both arms around Charlie and hugged him to his chest. Charlie went easily, turning almost onto Nick’s lap in their attempts to get closer. “Charlie,” Nick breathed. “You realise you’ve just proven that won’t happen, right? Even now, you’re worrying about me.”
“Exactly,” Charlie pushed. “And if something’s wrong and you don’t tell me because you’re too worried about me, I’ll worry more.”
“Yeah. I get that.” Nick squeezed him, somewhat pointedly. Charlie curled a hand in his shirt in response. “I know what you mean. And that won’t happen. Okay? You don’t need to worry about worrying.”
Charlie let out a small huff, and brought his face level with Nick’s again. “Can you just…promise not to let it get like that? Promise that you’ll tell me when you’re upset, even when you think I am.”
Nick hesitated. “Like you said, sometimes you can’t help it. I don’t know if I can make a promise like that.”
“I did,” Charlie whispered, which ruined Nick’s resolve almost immediately. “Promise for promise.” Charlie pressed his forehead to Nick’s, lowering his voice even further. “Just—Please. For me.”
Nick didn’t have any hope of holding out against that. “…okay. For you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise,” Nick relented.
Charlie rewarded him with a kiss, which Nick returned wholeheartedly, as he always tended to do. He slid a hand into Charlie’s hair as Charlie pushed against him, tugging gently to mellow their movements. When Charlie paused for breath, Nick moved onto kissing his nose, his cheek, his forehead, until Charlie was giggling and protesting weakly. With a last kiss to Charlie’s opposite cheek, Nick tilted their heads together again and did his best to meet Charlie’s eyes in the too-close space.
“I don’t think it’s a bad thing,” he said quietly. “How much we want to take care of each other. I think that’s…normal couple things, right?”
Charlie hummed, sceptical. “I don’t think we’re exactly the definition of a normal couple, to be honest.” But he was smiling, and that was all that mattered to Nick.
“Well,” Nick nudged his nose against Charlie’s cheek, “if not, that’s just because we’re better.”
“Oh, definitely,” Charlie readily agreed, smile widening.
And Nick thought, again—I love you, I love you, I love you.
And when Charlie looked back at him, Nick allowed himself to believe he was thinking it, too.