Chapter Text
“Since when?" Jaehyun asked quietly, not meeting his eyes as he continues to cut the steak on his plate calmly but Taeyong can see the other man trying to fight his own body from trembling. After all he knows Jaehyun so well that he can read every little action from him so no matter how hard he tries to hide it, he can't. He just can't especially from Taeyong.
Actually he didn't plan on telling Jaehyun about it right at this moment, When they are in their favorite restaurant celebrating their 8th year anniversary but Taeyong feels like that he should tell it now anyway because Jaehyun will eventually learn about it soon.
Is he cruel? Maybe. He's already done it so he can't do anything about it now but just to be held accountable for his actions, his mistakes.
He was actually surprised that until now his precious little boyfriend is still clueless about the horrible things that he's been doing behind his back for the past six months. So Taeyong, being the amazing boyfriend that he is, he just blurted it out a while ago to Jaehyun that he's been cheating on him for a while now with a model from his agency that he's working at.
It's wrong to feel annoyed about his boyfriend being clueless about it. Sometimes, he wonders if Jaehyun is just really stupid and oblivious or maybe at the back of his mind he already knows it but refused to accept it because he always thought that Taeyong won't have the guts to cheat on him because their relationship is perfect. Or so he thought.
They are perfect for each other as everyone says and that's what Taeyong also thought. He thought that yes, his life with Jaehyun is perfect and he couldn't ask for more but he realized that he was wrong when he met this guy. It's true that their relationship for eight years is too good to be true, so perfect that it became boring to Taeyong's liking. It became a routine. They will cuddle and talk about mundane things after work and when both of them aren't too tired from work it will lead to love making in which Taeyong feels like the luckiest man on earth, it's not just because of Jaehyun's amazing skills in bed but the way he holds Taeyong like he was a porcelain doll that would break if he didn't handle with care.
The way Jaehyun would say his name over and over again while his face is buried on the crook of his neck and Taeyong finds the sound so beautiful to his ear, the way Jaehyun would protect his head from the headboard when he would be a little rough sometimes or when Jaehyun will hug him tightly against his chest when they both reached their climax and clean him up lovingly after.
The way Jaehyun will never forget to say "I love you, I'm so lucky to have you, Please don't ever leave me Taeyong.." after their intimate moment and it never fails to melt Taeyong's heart at its finest. Then, they will sleep in each other's arms with a content smile on their swollen lips.
Taeyong has a list of his favorite moments with Jaehyun. One of his favorite is when he would wake up in the morning with Jaehyun giving him feather like kisses on his face when the latter doesn't feel like doing anything aside from just laying there on the bed with him for the rest of the morning doing nothing in particular but to hug and kiss each other or sometimes he would wake up with Jaehyun's smooth velvety voice singing in the shower and it always makes him chuckle because he learned that it's his boyfriend's habit since childhood and he looked absolutely adorable when he does that, eyes closed, singing his hearts out and his face would twist in different ways that Taeyong finds amusing.
But Taeyong's absolute favorite is when he would be awaken by the smell and sound of Jaehyun's cooking breakfast, the thought would give an automatic smile on his lips. Jaehyun never fails to do that since they started living together. When he goes downstairs and sees his boyfriend’s back he would immediately wrap his arms around Jaehyun's waist and he would inhale his scent in the crook of his neck. The action never fails to give Jaehyun shivers and flutter in the pit of his stomach.
There are times when Taeyong is in the mood to tease the latter, he would say that the food tastes horrible, those times Jaehyun would get upset and will threaten him that he will never cook again and that's when Taeyong will kiss him and say "Stupid! everything you cook is perfect just like you!" In a snap of a finger his boyfriend will forget about the teasing and the wide smile on his gorgeous face is back again.
There are times when he wants something, Jaehyun won't hesitate to buy it for him from the smallest things to the biggest things. Jaehyun spoils Taeyong as much as he can because he loves him so much and he's afraid to lose the older so Jaehyun gave him his sincere love but Taeyong got tired of it because he wants something new, someone new that can give him this new feeling, someone who is different, someone that can give him a new excitement in life, someone who can give him a thrill, not the same old routine. Someone who is not Jaehyun.
"I don't know maybe six? seven months?" Taeyong answered as if he was asking Jaehyun like he knew it already. To be honest, he didn't know why he was like this, he was so casual and relaxed talking about this matter as if he was just talking about the weather. What he did is sickening but his guilt isn't working in his veins right now. Was he really this evil? He's acting so nonchalantly after he confessed that he's been cheating on his partner with another man.
Jaehyun cleared his throat and looks at him with unreadable expression and it irks Taeyong more. He was expecting Jaehyun to get furious at him, shout at him, slap him, or even punch him but why is he acting so calmly? Or Jaehyun isn't that stupid like Taeyong had thought? Maybe he already knows or maybe Jaehyun is just too in-denial that he couldn't accept the fact that Taeyong, his lovely boyfriend cheated on him with another man.
"With who?" Jaehyun asked, voice still calm as ever.
"With a model in the agency.. Kang Soohyun.." Taeyong said while looking at him. Jaehyun nodded and kept silent. He continues to eat the now cold food on his plate and it pissed Taeyong to no end. Seriously, your boyfriend just told you that he’s been fucking someone behind your back for almost half a year but how can you be so calm about it?
"Jaehyun! I just told you that I've been whoring behind your back, I'm cheating on you and that's it? You won't say anything to me?!" Taeyong shouted.
Jaehyun looked around, checking if the people around them heard his boyfriend before he looks at Taeyong and sighs.
"What do you want me to say? Or do?" Jaehyun asked, his voice is calm but you can hear the pain in it. Taeyong was taken aback by the answer, no this was not the scenario the he'd been picturing on his mind. Jaehyun is taking this too lightly.
Well maybe he also doesn't want to be with him anymore. That’s great. At least he won't be horrible when he leaves him for another man and both of them will be happy, right? Maybe Jaehyun also feels suffocated and bored in their relationship too, maybe it's not just him who is sick and tired of this relationship that has become an old routine.
"I don't know? Maybe tell me that you hate me? Ask me why I did this to you? Why did I cheat on you with another man? I don't know Jae.." Taeyong said to him but more like he's asking himself. What did he really want Jaehyun to say to him? To be honest, He realized that he doesn't really know. Jaehyun just kept staring at him before he speaks again. "Let's call it a night, I'm tired Yong.. Let's go home."
The drive to their home was awfully silent, so many thoughts rushing through their minds. The latter was thinking about what went wrong while the other was thinking this is already the end and it's the right decision.
When they reached their home, no one dared to say a thing. Jaehyun immediately went to shower while Taeyong settled on the couch. Looking everywhere at their homw, he tried his best to keep it from his memory because he will definitely miss this house that he and Jaehyun bought from their savings. They saved up for five years to buy this small but cozy home that they always dreamt of having, they build this up together and they also dreamt of having a family here.
Watching their adopted kids grow up and start their own family, they dreamt of living here together until they get old and until their last breath because this is their home that they worked so hard to have.
But Taeyong has different plans on his mind now that he wants to do and it's definitely not here. Not with Jaehyun anymore at least that's what his mind has been telling him.
He sighs and pushes all the thoughts aside and changes into comfortable clothes. He lied on the side of their bed, facing the wall and a moment later, he feels a heavy weight beside him, he jumps a little when he feels Jaehyun's arm around his waist, his breath on his neck. He stiffens and opens his eyes but he kept silent. Then not a moment later, he feels his neck getting wet and he knows that even though he isn't looking at him, Jaehyun is crying silently and he's the reason behind it.
"Don't leave..". He hears Jaehyun whisper in a broken voice, so pained, so broken that he felt a jab on his chest. It’s the first time he heard Jaehyun like that and he suddenly feels his throat constrict but he still didn't say a word. Taeyong just closes his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
When Jaehyun woke up the next day he woke up with and empty cold bed, an empty closet and an empty heart.
And just like that, Taeyong is gone. 8 years of being together was thrown away just like that.
Taeyong had left him for another man. He feels like ending it all so that he would stop hurting.
//
The first morning that Taeyong woke up on a different bed was completely different. There's no feather like kisses that wakes him, no one singing in the shower or no smell and sound of someone cooking breakfast coming from the kitchen. And when he makes his way there, there is no Jaehyun that greeted him “Good morning love” with a huge goofy grin that he loves so much.
But instead someone who isn't Jaehyun is standing by the counter, drinking coffee quietly, looking at him with a smirk. It feels weird but then he remembers that this isn't their home anymore and this is the life he chose. A new life without Jaehyun.
//
"How are you?" Ten asked after he downed a shot of tequila, hissing at the burning sensation running down his throat.
"I'm good, I guess.." Taeyong pauses in the middle of his sentence to think of the right words to say. Is good the right thing to say? Was he really feeling good? But he said it anyway.
Ten chuckles softly and orders another shot of tequila. Taeyong just stares at the latter's drink and lets his mind wander.
Actually he's not feeling any good because he misses everything. He misses his friends Johnny, Yuta, Ten and Doyoung. He misses their saturday nights with their usual place at Doyoung's restaurant where in they will close it for the night to have a little get together, eat until their stomach feels like exploding, talk and laugh about random things or talk about what happened about the past week, their funny karaoke time and their drinking session that will send someone stumbling on his way home.
The moments where in they will just tease each other good heartedly. When their friends would tell him and Jaehyun how disgustingly sweet they are and they would annoy them even more by making out in front of them and then they will throw a fit and scream "Go get a room, will you?!"
They will just laugh out loud and continue making out just to annoy them even more, times where he can say that he's truly happy. The six of them are inseparable and he miss them so badly. and the person he misses the most is Jaehyun, he miss his warmth, his antics, his cooking, his scent, his face, the taste of his lips that is so intoxicating. He misses his Jaehyun so much.
He misses everything about the man that he chose to leave. He misses his life with Jaehyun but he doesn't want to say it out loud. He doesn't want Ten to hear it because doesn't want to sound pathetic. "How is he doing?" He asked quietly looking at the space in front of him while running his hand on the glass of his martini.
"He's getting better.." Ten answered shortly. He sounded dismissive but his eyes are looking at him softly. Taeyong looks back at him sadly as if asking the other to tell him more about Jaehyun, Is he alright? Does he go to work? Does he eat on time? Does Jaehyun miss him too?
Ten knew what Taeyong is thinking, what he wanted to say even if he didn't say it out loud but Ten just gave him a small smile and squeezes his hand, an attempt to comfort him.
Taeyong feels his throat constrict, chest getting heavy. His eyes are already burning from tears that are threatening to fall so he got up and called it a night before Ten sees him crying.
He can't let Ten see his suffering.
//
It was a Tuesday night when Taeyong asked Soohyun to have dinner with him in to this fancy restaurant that he used to go to before, saying that they haven't had a decent dinner date ever since they moved in together because all they do is fuck, sleep, eat take outs then repeat. Taeyong can't even remember the last time they talked about their relationship or if you ever call their situation a relationship because really, this is hardly a relationship. Taeyong feels like they are just here to fuck each other, to satisfy their desires, to sooth their lust and nothing more.
Yes, they are living together, they kiss, they fuck almost everyday but this isn't the relationship that Taeyong wanted. And he learned about it not even two weeks after leaving Jaehyun for this man.
But since he's already here in this situation, why not try to work it out? So one of his attempt of saving this whatever you call it is by asking Soohyun to have a dinner date with him tonight. To act as if they are boyfriends, a normal loving couple just like the others. Just like him and Jaehyun before but he knows they are so far from that.
As they walk into the restaurant, Soohyun walking ahead him, as always. Taeyong's eyes immediately sets on a group of people, sitting at the corner. laughing so freely. He freezes when his brain registered who they are. It's his friends with Jaehyun. His Jaehyun. Looking so happy together without him, he immediately feels devastated and betrayed. He looks at them for a few seconds, his chest is getting heavier as envy slowly creeping to his heart. So he decided to turn around and erase the scene in front of him from his mind but before he had the chance to turn around, Jaehyun sees him. they locked eyes. The ex boyfriend's smile leaving his lips. Taeyong freezes again for the second time. His stomach tightens and he feels tears pooling in the corner of his eyes, He can see Jaehyun stiffens and didn't remove his eyes from him, his eyes are wide, lips set into straight line. Oh how he missed those dark brown eyes that used to look at him so tenderly but right now, he can only see disgust and anger.
He came back to his senses when Soohyun nudges him asking him if he was alright and where he wants to sit but Taeyong said he doesn't feel hungry anymore and he just wants to go home. Soohyun just shrugs and followed him out of the restaurant.
That is the first time he saw Jaehyun after he left him seven months ago and he doesn’t know whether to feel happy or sad.
When they got home to Soohyun’s apartment Taeyong couldn’t sleep and felt so sick to his stomach all throughout the night.
//
When Taeyong and Soohyun had sex the next day, Taeyong points out the difference between Jaehyun and Soohyun inside his head. How Soohyun's hands are rough and bigger than Jaehyun's and he prefers the smooth hands of his ex-lover that feels just right when it roams on his body, he also points out how Jaehyun was warmer than Soohyun and that Jaehyun's warmth makes him more relaxed and feels secured. He also remember how Jaehyun savors every second when they are making love. Jaehyun handles him with care while Soohyun likes it more rough and fast without any regard for Taeyong's own pleasure, making him feel like he's just an object to satisfy him. He also remembers how Jaehyun would clean him up after they reach their climax and never fail to say "I love you" and would press him against his chest. He points out how Jaehyun’s mouth taste sweeter than Soohyun’s.
Everything is so different but this is what he chose right? Someone who isn't Jaehyun and Taeyong completely hates it.
He regrets ever leaving Jaehyun for this horrible man.
//
"Taeyong??”
“God! It's been a while Taeyong! How are you? I missed you!" Doyoung rushes to him and squeezes him until he's out of breathe. Good thing, Doyoung lets go when Taeyong groans, he chuckles at him and hugs him again, this time more gentler and re-assuring.
"How you've been Yong?" Doyoung asks him while stirring his coffee lazily, palm resting on his chin and smiling brightly. Doyoung's cheery mood is a contrast from the way Taeyong feels inside.
"I don't know.." Taeyong says, eyes blank.
Doyoung hums. They stayed silent for a moment when Taeyong breaks the silence off. "I don't really know how to answer your question, to be honest.." Doyoung looks at him softly. He can see sadness and pity on them and it makes Taeyong's chest ache even more.
"I miss him.." He croaks out, he knows that his tears are going to fall any moment now but he doesn't care. He feels like shit. He doesn't want this anymore he doesn't want a life without Jaehyun, he wants him back. He needs him back.
But does Jaehyun wants him back too? Will he take him back if he apologize and beg him to take him back? Jaehyun is kind and understanding, he loves Taeyong so much so he knows Jaehyun wants him back too. He desperately convinces himself.
Doyoung reaches for his hand to hold it firmly, soothing circles at the back of it as if it will take away all his pain and regret.
"I know.." His friend told him, looking at him with a tight smile.
//
After his visit to Doyoung's restaurant he decided to visit his old home, their home. It's Sunday and at this time of the day Jaehyun should be here, listening to his vinyl collection and relaxing at the front porch. He can still remember those times too well because usually Taeyong would be sitting beside him or lay his head on the younger man's lap. Those moments are flashing right before his eyes and he's determined to make it happen again.
It's a surprise when Jaehyun's car wasn't park in their garage and the house looks so quiet. The last time he remembers, this house is lively and full of colors, full of love. But right now it’s just dull and lifeless it makes Taeyong's stomach twist in a painful way.
"Taeyong?" He heard a faint voice behind him and he turns around to look at the owner of the voice. He was disappointed when it was not the man he wants to see that moment but he still smiles brightly at him.
"Seungkyun ahjussi, how are you?"
"Luckily, still in good shape!" the older man chuckles and continues "You? how have you been? I haven't seen you around.." Taeyong just nodded his head and kept his bright smile. "What brings you here? I thought You and Jaehyun moved into your new apartment.."
Taeyong's eyes grew wide "Uhm.. Ahjussi, what did you say?" No no no no. Taeyong tries to ignore the thought that's running through his head right now. No. Jaehyun can't do that. He can't.
"Jaehyun moved out about two to three months ago and i think the house is for sale. I never saw him ever since.."
"No! He can't do that.." Taeyong whispered, he felt his knees grow weak. Jaehyun abandoned their home? the home that is so important for the both of them, the home that they worked so hard to have, the home that is witness of their love, the home that they dreamt of starting a family, the home that they dreamt of living until their last breath, how could he just abandon it?
But if Taeyong can abandon Jaehyun just like that, he can also abandon this home just like Taeyong had abandon him right?
//
It was a Thursday morning when Taeyong decided to grab a cup of coffee and a slice of blueberry cheesecake for breakfast hoping that at least it would clear his mind. Sweets always does the trick or so he hopes. He forgot the taste of home cooked meals by now. He already forgot the taste of home.
When he was about a few inches away from the counter of the cafe, he spotted a familiar figure in the corner. He stops breathing for a while, he feels like a weight was thrown at his chest.
Jaehyun.
Taeyong feels a sudden rush of emotions hit him, he wanted to run and talk to him and tell him how much he misses him, how much he loves him, he didn't really think at that moment he just wants talk to Jaehyun even though he doesn't know what to say to him so he decided to approach him right at that moment because he's really stupid if he will miss this chance of talking to Jaehyun and ask for forgiveness and take him back.
He stops on his tracks when he sees him laugh, he looks so happy talking to someone with a beautiful smile that is usually meant just for him but now it’s meant for someone else.
He choked on his own breath when he sees Jaehyun reach out for the other man's hand and caress it softly.
Jaehyun had moved on and already seeing someone else. Taeyong's world crashes down.
He turns around not skipping a beat and runs as fast as he could until his lungs burned. After minutes that felt like hours he finally reached Soohyun’s apartment and runs to their bedroom not bothering to take off his shoes. He buried his face on his pillow, wishing that everything is just a horrible dream and he would wake up from it but no, this is not a dream but the reality he chose to be in. He wishes that he could take everything back but he knows it's now impossible because Jaehyun had moved on.
That’s the first time Taeyong cried out loud since he left Jaehyun and he felt like dying.
//
"Tell me his number and tell me where he lives!" Taeyong screams on his face, crying hysterically.
"I can't do that." Johnny kept his ground. His tone icy, he can feel it piercing through his skin.
"What do you want me to do? Just give it to me please!" Taeyong was shaking and crying uncontrollably, he looks so pathetic begging in front of Johnny but he doesn't care. Taeyong doesn't care anymore if he looks weak and pathetic. His dignity is long gone.
"Jaehyun told me not to tell you if ever you'll ask about it. I’m sorry Yong but please don't mess with his life again. He went trough shit and I don't want him to ever go through that again. He's better now and he doesn't need you to destroy himself again that he worked so hard to build. Honestly if I were you, I'll just forget about him and move on, it's much better that way."
"No! I can't do that!" Taeyong screams again, refusing to give up.
"For fuck sake Taeyong! You left him for another man. You cheated on him!" Johnny's words were like a sharp knife stabbing on his chest repeatedly until it bleeds out.
"I know! I-I k-know that's why I want to make things right!" Taeyong sobs harder, he kneels in front of Johnny without giving a damn he doesn't care if it will take every ounce of his pride, he doesn’t care if he looks pathetic and vulnerable. All he needs is for Jaehyun to be in his life again and he will do everything for that.
Johnny was caught off guard and took a step back but after a while he also kneels in front of Taeyong and hugs him to his chest "I'm sorry Taeyong." He whispers, soothing circles on his back.
"I-I just want to talk to h-him and apologize for everything! I was s-uch an asshole to him. I shouldn't h-have done what I-I did! I shoudn't have left him for another man. I w-want him back, I n-need him back.. P-Please.. Please.." Taeyong's voice is so broken and he was sobbing so bad that he couldn't breathe properly anymore.
Everything hurts.
The taller man feels his chest tighten at the sight, he never sees his friend like this before and he couldn't take it anymore. If only he could help him but he knows that he couldn't.
Taeyong did this to himself.
"T-The guy that he's with.. Is h-he?" He couldn't finish what he wanted to say, too afraid to say the word. Too scared to know who's the man in Jaehyun's life. He couldn't bear the fact that someone aside from him is touching his Jaehyun, kissing, hugging and claiming him because Jaehyun is his. He owns Jaehyun and no one elses. He desperately convinces himself with his own lies. Jaehyun is no longer his, Jaehyun no longer loves him. He's just part of his past that needs to be burried and forgotten because of the awful things he did to him.
Johnny pauses. "I don't know but to be honest, he told me that he makes him happy. That he finally feels good about himself again after what you did to him. He can finally smile after the darkest days of his life. He's doing good Yong, I can see that he's happy with him. He's makes him happy. And that's what matters the most after the shit he's been through. He's healing Yong that's why I don't want you to ruin what he worked hard for. For once, stop being selfish and give this chance to Jaehyun to be whole again."
Taeyong sobs harder on Johnny's chest if that's even possible at this point, he's a mess. He couldn't breathe anymore and he feels like drowning, he feels like dying. If this is how it feels like, what more for Jaehyun when he cheated on him with another man? When Taeyong left him just like that?
He's already wetting Johnny's shirt because of his tears. He didn't know how long he cried like that but the last thing he remember was, he couldn't stand on his own feet anymore, too exhausted from crying and from the pain on his chest. He's tired of everything. So Johnny helped him up then carried him to his bed, letting him stay the night.
//
He’s trembling, his whole body is trembling. his hands are icy cold and he's sweating like crazy and it's such a miracle that he can still keep himself standing right up because he feels like his knees are weakening and he will probably collapse any minute.
He feels like throwing up. Is this the right time to see him? to talk to him? Is he going to forgive him after everything he'd done to him? Does he hate him? What is he going to do if he sees him? He lets out a sigh to calm himself but really there’s no way to calm himself right now.
Taeyong gathered all his strength and courage that's left in his body and lifted his fist to knock on the door in front of him, every second of waiting is slowly killing him and he hated it. He kind of regret going here for a second but when the door opens slowly all his thoughts flew out of his mind.
There he is, breathtaking as ever, Jeong Jaehyun.
The man that he loved all his life and still so in love with. He's just too stupid to realize that he already got a gem but he discarded him like a piece of garbage. He's so fucking stupid that he let this perfect man slip out from his grasp just to be with a trash.
He wants a perfect life with Jaehyun again, he doesn't want someone different anymore because he now knows that all he needs in his life is Jaehyun, just him and no one else. But will Jaehyun accept him after all he'd done? Taeyong is hoping, yes he is hoping and wishing that the younger man will forgive him and take him back to his life again.
Johnny warned him not to do this, to not ruin Jaehyun's life anymore and for once not be a selfish bitch but here he is and he is about to beg Jaehyun to forgive him and start over again.
"H-How did you know where I live?" He could hear the uneasiness in Jaehyun’s voice. It's also clear that he's confused and shocked as if he didn’t expect to see Taeyong ever again.
"Let me in." Taeyong didn't answer his question but instead he demanded to be let in. Jaehyun steps aside hesitantly and opens his door a little wider this time. Gesturing for him to come in but Taeyong didn't move. He kept staring at Jaehyun with glassy eyes, his fist clenched on his side.
"No! Let me in.. Let me in your life again! Please take me back. Please forgive me for everything I've done. I regret it so much. I'm miserable without you Jaehyun, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like losing my mind already. Please I'm begging you, let's start over baby. Babe? Please? Let's start over. I promise to do everything to earn your love and trust again. I will be a better person for you. I will not hurt you ever again. I'll be loyal and—"
"Stop." Jaehyun cuts him off.
Taeyong's breath hitches and tears are rolling down his cheeks heavily, he bit his lips to keep it from trembling and for his sobs not to come out. Jaehyun opens his mouth but closes it again. As if itching to say something but chooses to keep his mouth shut.
After a moment, Jaehyun speaks "Taeyong—" But he cuts him off by throwing himself to Jaehyun and kisses him, he kissed him hard, desperate as he was trying to convey his emotions through the kiss. At first Jaehyun didn't move but when Taeyong forces his tongue against his lips a little harder, Jaehyun lets his walls down and he kisses him back. He wraps his arms around Taeyong's thin waist and older man wraps his arms around his neck. The kiss was needy and full of mixed emotions that they couldn't say out loud. They can taste each other's tears through the kiss. Taeyong’s taste didn’t change, It’s still intoxicating like before but it holds poison this time. Jaehyun thought.
"Make love with me just this once, just this once.." Taeyong whispers brokenly against his lips and Jaehyun looks at him, trying to let everything in his sink in. At first he thought he was hallucinating but no, Taeyong is really in front of him, crying and begging him to take him back in his life again. Taeyong is not just in his imagination, he's imagined this so many times before, hoping that Taeyong will come back and tell him he wants to take him back again.
But this time he doesn't know what to do or what to feel. He left him right? He doesn't love Jaehyun anymore so why is he begging like this? But despite all of his thoughts and anger towards the older man who fucked up his life real bad he closes the door and let Taeyong take over his body and mind. He missed Taeyong like this and he knows that still loves him anyway.
//
When Jaehyun woke up the next day, it smelled like sex and sweat mixed with the scent that he missed the most, Taeyong's scent. Then he suddenly remembers everything that happened last night.
Taeyong on his doorstep crying and begging for him to let him in his life again and they made love. The sex was emotionally painful for the both of them because he remembers how Taeyong had hurt him. The pain, the anger, the denial, the endless loop of despair and agony. He worked so hard to build himself again to function and to be whole again but it all came crashing down because of this terrible mistake of sleeping with his ex who cheated on him and left him for another man. All the pain and anger came rushing back in his blood but despite that, he missed the older man so much, he missed his warmth, his scent, his pretty face, he missed everything about him.
They missed each other so much that even though they didn’t voice it out loud, they know and they couldn't deny it no matter how hard they try. They cried when they reached their climax. They cried when Taeyong said “I'm sorry. I love you so much Jae..” But Jaehyun didn’t answer but instead he just kept on crying, they kept on crying until they fell asleep with an aching body and aching heart.
It was so wrong but feels so right.
///
"Do you love him?" Taeyong asks, looking at him with tired eyes. They are sitting on the dining table eating breakfast that Jaehyun made for the both of them.
"It's too early to say that.." Jaehyun said looking at his food. History repeats itself. Doesn't it? Because this is exactly how they looked like when he told Jaehyun that he betrayed him. Cheated on him, that he's fucking someone else. Now that he's in the same situation as Jaehyun, he can now feel how fucking hurtful it was. How awful and heart wrenching it was but the only difference is, he doesn't have the right to get angry. To demand things to Jaehyun because he is no longer Jaehyun's boyfriend but Taeyong is determined to change that.
Did Taeyong really make him feel that way? Fuck. He's horrible. Disgusting. Evil.
Jaehyun didn't even cheat on him but the thought of someone being Jaehyun's significant other already hurts like a bitch.
"Yea right. Too early to say that." Taeyong chuckled dryly.
"How are you? And.. Soohyun?" Jaehyun hesitated for a moment but asked him anyway. He looks at him straight in the eyes. Taeyong suddenly feels cold. So cold.
"Jaehyun, I regret everything I’ve done.. I need you back.. I'm so sorry Jaehyun. I'm an asshole... I'm wrong, I know what I did to you is horrible and I don't deserve your forgiveness but please I am begging you to forgive me and let's start over hmm? Please love me again, love me again please Jae, take me back please.. I l-love you.. give me a second chance.. Even if I don't deserve it, I will prove to you how much I love you this time and I will never hurt you again." Taeyong rambles. Lips trembling as he tightens his hold around his fork. He sounds so stupid but Taeyong doesn't know what to say or do anymore so he just said those things that he really wanted to say. He begs Jaehyun with his sad and tired eyes hoping that he will accept him again, he knows that it’s not that easy but everyone deserves a second chance. Right?
Jaehyun sighs "I'll be honest, I’m not sure where this will take us or if he's the one but he makes me happy. It was like he brought me back from the dead. After those long agonizing months he managed to bring back the smile that I never thought I can still bring myself to do anymore. I don't really know if I still want you back in my life after all you've done. You hurt me so much Taeyong. Do you know that I thought of killing myself? Luckily I have friends that supported me and never left my side. I was really thankful to them and to him."
Taeyong is looking at him with tears streaming down his cheeks. He was so selfish! How could he do that to Jaehyun? the man that dedicated all his life to him the man that stayed faithful and loyal to him. He's so disgusting. Hearing what he went through from Jaehyun himself felt like a stab directly to his already bleeding heart.
"I don't know. You chose to let me go. You threw me away like I'm an old toy. I feel like a trash discarded carelessly and I don't think I could forget that but Taeyong, I forgive you." Jaehyun continues with a calm voice. How can he say this to Taeyong so lightly?
"Jeonghan taught me that forgiveness will help me move forward. That forgiveness will free myself from the pain. That's why I forgive you Taeyong. I hope you'll forgive yourself too and move forward like what you're supposed to do. I don't know what the future holds for me and Jeonghan but I am willing to do what I have to do to work it out. He's a gift to me and I know that if I let him go, I will regret it." Jaehyun explains, with a slight smile on his face as if reminiscing the times he had with Jeonghan.
Taeyong chokes on his own breath and sobs. He brings his hands to his ears as if to block Jaehyun's words but of course, It didn't help. He shook his head and mumbles "No." over and over again.
He thought that once Jaehyun forgives him, he would take him back again and they will start over but no, Jaehyun doesn't want him anymore. He's done, he no longer wants Taeyong in his life.
He imagined that once they had the talk, Jaehyun would come to him, hug him and tell him “Yes, I forgive you, I love you and let’s start over.” But Jaehyun didn't. Things aren’t that easy. He fucked up big time and sometimes second chances aren’t necessary.
So Taeyong left the apartment while crying so hard. His heart felt so heavy and he thinks that there is no reason to live anymore. He knows that he just needs to end it all so that he'll stop feeling the excruciating pain.
//
Taeyong wants something new, someone new that can give him this new feeling, the thrill that he's longing for, someone who is different, someone who will save him from this old boring routine. Someone who isn't Jaehyun but now he regrets it so much.
And Taeyong learned his lesson.
//
end.