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Across from him on the garden bridge stands the crown prince of Hoshido. Out of his armor and instead dressed in intricate robes with embroidered sparrows flying along the sleeves. What Xander can see of his profile is calm as he leans against the bridge railing- his steady gaze and steady breath, the relaxed slope of his broad shoulders. It’s the same aura of tranquility Ryoma carries about him after one of their meditation sessions. And though it’s familiar, seeing him like this has never stopped feeling intimate.
For any other leader in Xander’s position, this peaceful moment alone would be a miracle. And it is; Xander is aware of exactly how hard they had to fight to draw up an alliance between Hoshido and Nohr. After wars spanning generations, having the crown princes of both nations go so far as to call each other a friend… is more than Xander could have hoped for. Hoshido will be a powerful ally and Xander should be satisfied.
But as it happens, Xander’s heart is rather against listening to reason.
Living in a land drenched in sunlight must have gifted Ryoma with a warmth of his own, Xander thinks. It’s all but evident in the fullness of his laugh, the softness of his rosewood brown eyes, even the fire of his anger on the battle field. Maybe, that bright heart of his is the reason he looks so at home among the flowers here. Backdropped against blooming cherry tree branches.
Xander loves him. He knows it’s true like he knows the sun will rise, simple and unavoidable, and Xander was a fool for ever thinking he could hide it from himself. Of course being with him is impossible. They both have duties to fulfill and Xander would never insult Ryoma with even the implication that he should give up his right to the Hoshidan throne just because Xander happens to have feelings for him. He can never confess to him, but just because Ryoma isn’t aware of it, doesn’t mean Xander’s heart belongs to him any less. That broken thing in his chest; Xander never meant to give something so unpresentable away. Instead, he ignored his heart so thoroughly that it left without him even noticing. He can’t blame Ryoma for that.
Looking at him, Xander is sure many other hearts have broken themselves to pieces over a man so noble. For the sake of his duty, and for his dearly held friendship with Ryoma, Xander cannot allow himself to break like that. He knows, intrinsically that even if Ryoma takes a husband, even if there is another man at his side, some part of Xander’s heart will always be his. Tomorrow will be Ryoma’s coronation, he will be king and fully out of Xander’s reach. If there ever was some selfish, impossible way for Xander to have him, it will be gone then. And it hurts, but it hurts like something survivable. Measurable. It hurts like the distance between Hoshido and Nohr.
It hurts like measuring time relative to spring, when Xander will return to Hoshido for their annual peace summit. When once again, Xander will see him among the flowering cherry trees and wisteria. King Ryoma dressed in gold and sunlight will look to him and smile that slow, dimpling smile of his, and call him ‘old friend.’
And once more, Xander’s heart will be whole.