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~ They're Captivated by My Failgirl Personality and Swagless Aura ~
And then God said to the angels and demons, "Oh, so y'all don't want to fight each other anymore? Then kiss and make up. Date each other, get married, and procreate. I want to start seeing my grandchildren being born sometime this decade."
And the angels and demons didn't know how to go about doing that, so God created a social event calendar for them.
This was her third time attending one of these social events, and Shax was straight-up not having a good time. As with the two previous events, the angels all seemed wary of trying to start anything with a demon, leaving it up to the demons to do all the work of attempting to initiate a romantic partnership.
Shax had no clue how to go about flirting with an angel. Demons of her rank did not flirt with each other. They asked each other "Wanna fuck?" and sometimes the answer was yes and sometimes the answer was nah and sometimes the answer was "Look, I would... but Dagon's going to throw me in the torture pits if I don't submit my paperwork on time." And if the person who'd asked was down bad enough to offer to help with the paperwork, then they would either help with the paperwork so they could hit that, or they would find out that it was an excuse because the other demon did not want to fuck but was too awkward to just say no.
Needless to say, Shax had not managed to secure a partner at either of the two previous events she had attended, so now here she was at this so-called dance party.
No one was dancing. Most of the angels were clustered in the corners of the room or standing along the back wall. Demons were scattered about the dance floor in small groups, hyping each other up to approach the angels. The one demon who did attempt to dance was made fun of so thoroughly that no one else dared to try it.
Whoever was in the DJ booth was playing the most God-awful song choices possible. (It was the Metatron, actually, who thought he was being clever and helpful by playing any human-music song with angel, demon, devil, heaven, or hell in the title.)
I'm an angel with a shotgun (shotgun, shotgun, shotgun), came the the lyrics of the next song over the speakers.
Shax sighed. She really did not want to be here, listening to any more of these stupid songs, which meant she needed to see if she could attract an angel somehow. She had already learned not to offer them food or drinks, because the angels she had offered food or a drink at the previous events had reacted with palpable disgust at the idea of consuming matter.
This time, she simply walked up to a small cluster of angels and inquired, "What are you looking for in a partner?"
She conducted the conversation more like a job interview than anything, ended up having to explain that yes, many demons lay eggs, and in turn learned that the angels she was talking to did not like the idea of that and tended toward more mammalian reproductive biology themselves.
Disappointed but entirely unsurprised by her own failure, Shax tactically retreated back to the edge of the dance floor.
But you're the devil in disguise, oh yes you are, some dead singer's voice crooned.
Shax hadn't noticed when the song changed. It must have been while she was talking to those angels.
"Wow, you really bungled that," said a voice from somewhere to her left, far too cheerfully.
Assuming that it was a demon trying to either insult her or - Hell forfend - relate to her, Shax replied flatly, "Thanks."
"Um... that means you did it badly," the being beside her explained, in a tone which clearly conveyed that they did not understand that she was being scarcastic.
It was at this point that Shax actually turned to see who was speaking to her, and saw that it was an angel.
"I know," Shax snapped, temper flaring. She was humilated enough without some angel coming over to poke fun at her failure. "Why are you even talking to me?"
"Um, well..." the angel stammered, somewhat hesitant in the face of Shax's obvious irritation. But then they rallied and pressed on: "The point of this gathering is to find a partner to produce offspring with... right?" They had regained most of their previous cheer by the time they finished their sentence, at the end of which they smiled hopefully at Shax.
Shax just stared at them uncomprehendingly for a few long moments as her brain struggled to process the meaning of the angel's words.
"You mean... me? You... picked me? You saw that-" Here Shax gestured vaguely in the direction of the group of angels she had approached earlier. "-and decided that I'm who you want to procreate with?"
The angel nodded enthusiastically in response, and proceeded to introduce themself as Muriel.
Still not understanding what, precisely, the angel had decided they liked about her, Shax tried asking why they desired her as their partner.
"Uhhhh..."
Shax did not like how long it was taking them to think of a reason.
"You're pretty," Muriel blurted out. "And I liked how you went for it! ... even though that didn't turn out well for you." A brief pause. "Also eggs sound much less messy than the other birth methods I've heard about."
Well, humans throw themselves into these kind of things for worse reasons, I guess, Shax reasoned internally. She sighed and told Muriel that she agreed to enter into a partnership with them.
Muriel beamed and said, "Great! Now that we're officially a couple... what are we supposed to do?"
"Dance, I think," Shax replied, holding out her hand to her new partner.
Fly over me, evil angel, wailed the music in the background.
"Oh... I don't know how to dance," Muriel said, but they reached for Shax's outstretched hand anyway and allowed her to lead them deeper into the demon-populated dance floor.
Shax noticed the other demons staring as she led her angel into the crowd. Muriel paid no attention to the other demons, having eyes only for her demon partner.
The pair made a valiant but laughable attempt at dancing. They spent almost an entire song trying (and failing) not to trip over each other's feet, before finally settling into a kind of soft swaying rhythm that involved no movement of anyone's feet. Muriel had, at some point, grasped onto Shax's shoulders in an effort to keep their balance, and their hands were currently still resting on her shoulders. Shax couldn't have said when or how exactly her hands had ended up on Muriel's waist, but now that they were there, it seemed like the natural place for them to be. Her angel certainly didn't seem to mind being held this way.
But girl, you make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel, some asshole sang over the speakers.
Shax hoped that Muriel wasn't paying close attention to the lyrics, because this song was definitely about someone cheating on their partner or at least considering doing so.
Some of the other demons surrounding the pair started dancing too, after seeing Shax make a fool of herself for her angel and the way it made the angel grin and laugh and glow with a gentle celestial light.
Muriel requested a break from dancing as a fast-paced song replaced the slow one they'd been enjoying.
The devil jumped up on a hickory stump and said, "Boy let me tell you what," blared from the speakers as Muriel wandered off in the direction of the refreshment table.
Before Shax even had a chance to think about following her partner, she found herself being cornered by a group of other demons, led by none other than her old partner-in-crime - Furfur.
"How did you, of all demons, manage to attract an angel?" Furfur demanded.
There followed a chorus of "yeah" from the peanut gallery.
Shax preened, fluffing her hair, and replied, "They're captivated by my failgirl personality and swagless aura."
Which didn't really sound like something to brag about, and Furfur scowled upon hearing it.
Then Shax clapped him on the shoulder and delivered the zinger: "Which means that you should have no problem attracting an angel of your own."
Further conversation was cut short by Muriel returning with a glass of neon orange liquid, which she offered to her partner.
"The demon serving the punch said it was spiked, but I didn't see any spikes in it."
"Spiked means they added alcohol to it," Shax explained, before taking a sip. She made a face and handed the drink off to a nearby demon. "Ugh. Disgusting. What did they put in there? Battery acid?"
Muriel looked crestfallen at her reaction, but Shax turned to them and smiled, saying, "Thank you for bringing me the drink. That was very... thoughtful of you."
Muriel immediately brightened up again at the praise.
"Well, I think at this point we can say we've accomplished Step One of our mission," Shax said, reaching for her partner's hand. "What do you say we get out of here?"
Set me free, your Heaven's a lie, a voice crooned in the background as Muriel eagerly placed their palm flat against their demon partner's.
Only once their hand was tenderly enfolded within Shax's grasp did they close their own fingers around hers in return.
~end~