Chapter Text
Tim sighs and throws himself onto bed as "the way I love you" plays over his bluetooth speaker.
He is sensible and so incredible and all my single friends are jealous. He says everything I need to hear and it's like I couldn't ask for anything better. He opens up my door and I get into his car and he says "you look beautiful tonight" and i feel perfectly fine
He hated how much the song made him think of his own relationship, he had been dating a guy for over three months and everything he did was perfect. He was super interested in Tim and everything that Tim did, he would bring him on dates to cute coffee shops and they'd go up to the rooftops and take pictures of the gotham city skyline together. All of Tim's friends liked him and he was so kind.
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And It's two a.m and I'm cursing your name So in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you. Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush and that's the way I loved you
And yet when Tim's boyfriend held him tightly in his arms and kissed him, all Tim could think of was being pressed up against Conner as Conner flew them to where ever they needed to be during mission. He would think about how secure he felt despite being held thousands of miles above the ground and of how warm Conner always and how his smile lit up his entire face in a way that always made Tim want to smile with him.
And he thought about what it would feel like to kiss Conner, to go on dates with him.
To be able to be honest about how deeply he cared for his best friend and to receive a similar type of care back. He thought about the rush of being with Conner, the adrenaline that rushed through them both when they were fighting together, he thought of how deeply he trusts Conner and how Conner trusts him, how in the heat of battle Conner would do whatever Tim says no matter how crazy because he trust that in the end it will turn out okay.
He thought about how they would fight afterwards about how stupid and risky Tim's plans tend to be, but Conner never stopped trusting Tim's plans anyway. He liked how fired up they would get when they fought, it felt good to get to be upset because no matter how rough the fights got, they never went too far.
The adrenaline reminded him of how he went from being bored out of his mind everyday that he lived in his family's manor to jumping from rooftops, fighting criminals and solving impossible mysteries nearly every day.
He respects my space and never makes me wait and he calls exactly when he says he will He is close to my mother, talks business with my father. He's charming and endearing And I'm comfortable
But Tim wasn't dating Conner. He was dating a sweet guy who never tried to pry into Tim's life now matter how many secrets Tim kept from him and it made Tim feel so incredibly guilty that that wasn't what he wanted.
He didn't want someone who was so nice they'd never dare to tease him.
He didn't want someone who spends their days studying philosophy and english.
He didn't want someone who never felt comfortable revealing his identity to
Or someone who wore sweaters everyday and would never speak up out of fear of bothering someone.
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain And It's two a.m and I'm cursing your name So in love that you act insane and that's the way I loved you. Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you
He wanted someone loud and abrasive who fought for what he thought was right.
Someone who joked about anything qnd everything just to get Tim to laugh.
Someone who wasn't afraid to taunt Tim when he was being dumb.
He wanted Kon.
He can't see the smile I'm faking. And my heart's not breaking. 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all And you were wild and crazy Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated Got away by some mistake and now
He questioned why the heartbreak of never knowing if Conner would ever love him back made him feel more alive than any single moment of his relationship with his boyfriend.
Sometimes Tim questioned how his boyfriend was so oblivious to how Tim never really put any enthusiasm at all into their relationship, maybe he just thought that was what Tim was always like.
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name I'm so in love that I acted insane And that's the way I loved you Breaking down and coming undone It's a roller coaster kind of rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you Whoa-whoa-oh-oh, oh
But Tim had so much more in him, he loved intensely and fiercely in a way he had never been able to show his boyfriend because while Tim liked him, he had never felt anything half as intense as his feelings for Conner.
And that's the way I loved you Oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh Never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you