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Right now, Trickstar is having practice for an upcoming gig we accepted.
It's nothing big, but we're always happy when we get to perform on stage,
so I have no reason to be picky about what jobs comes our way.
The others are like this too.
Every one of us loves performing as Trickstar, and of course, we love seeing
our audience, our fans' smiles.
As long as they're happy, we're happy too.
'This should be enough for today' says Hidaka-kun.
'I agree.' Isara-kun replies with a wide grin. 'I think it's very Trickstar like'
'Yes yes, Sarri is right! Trickstar is very Trickstar!' Subaru jumps in, almost knocking the other two over.
'How about you Yuuki? Are you also fine with calling it a day?'
I didn't notice but I was standing near the mirrors and staring at my reflection blankly,
not even realizing I was asked a question.
'Makoto, are you okay?' I turn to my beloved unit members
and apologizing for not listening.
'Aah, I'm sorry guys, I was spacing out. Yes I'm fine with what we did.'
'You must be tired, have you been staying up all night playing games again?' Isara-kun asks mockingly.
'Aa that must be why Ukki feels so spacey lately!!' says Akehoshi-kun who put his fingers on his chin like he's trying to solve a mystery, or something.
Obviously that's not the case. That's true that I've been staying up late, but it's not because of gaming.
'Y-yeah, there was this new game I bought recently, and I wanted to finish it real fast,
which meant staying up later than I was meant to hehe.' which is not a lie. I had to distract myself with something.
'Boo Ukki, sleeping is important! Don't skip it for some games.'
'As much as I don't like agreeing with Akehoshi, he's right, Yuuki. You should look out for your health, since you're an idol after all.'
It feels really nice that there are people who care about me, - in a normal way - it feels warm.
'Hehe okay, I will, don't worry about me' I reassure them, but the real reason stays hidden with me. 'Thanks guys.'
They know how I felt after I was kidnapped, even if I don't speak about it, so there's not much to hide from them, really.
And they're trying to avoid mentioning it as much as they possibly can, so I appreciate them.
'Okay, enough chit-chat, since we already called it a day, let's wrap things up and head home.'
After we said our goodbyes at the entrance of the school building, everyone went their way.
Except me. Isara-kun asked me what's up, but I said I left my phone in the practice room and so I headed back.
I did not except to run into anyone in the halls, since it was kinda late already.
I thought there are no other units or people left in the building, but I felt a tad bit scared.
And I really left my phone. This shows how out of the game I really am.
As I'm walking in the halls, I notice lights are still on in one of the studio rooms.
As tired as I actually am, and would like to get home as soon as possible,
my curiosity gets the better out of me and so I take a peek.
To my surprise, I hear oddly familiar voices. Narukami-kun and Ritsu-kun. It seems like they're discussing something, and I feel like
I shouldn't eavesdrop, but then I suddenly hear my name. My name of all people.
'I'm really worried about Yuuki-kun. I wonder when Izumi-chan will give him a break.'
'Well, Secchan has been like this for a while, no? You know he's not good at changing, especially when others ask him to.'
'Yeah... but even I'm getting tired of always telling him to keep the affection towards Yuuki-kun to a minimum, but does he listen?
It feels like every time I tell him, I just speak to a wall.'
'Yaawn... yeah, but it's sometimes funny seeing how stubborn and flustered he is, and how he becomes a completely different person'
'That's just you enjoying it. When he's all over him day by day, he wants it to seem like motherly affection and protection,
but for others, it can easily come off as harassment.
I really wonder how Yuuki-kun is able to deal with this on an everyday basis. He must feel exhausted. I feel sorry for him.'
She's not exactly wrong.
To those who don't know him, it might seem like he's stalking me...but come to think of it...isn't he tho?
Brr, okay i just gave myself chills.
As I decided that I heard enough, I turn around and I bump into the only person I would've rather not bump into-
'I-Izumi-san..' I froze up.
And the thing that scared me the most was that he wasn't all over me like he is all the time.
This time it felt like he didn't even notice me or that he bumped into someone.
All he said was 'Ah..sorry' after a long delay, and he sounded very unenthusiastic. Sad even.
He was covered in sweat.
I was honestly scared as he walked past me, and he almost bumped into the door as he was trying to get in the room, his fellow unit members were.
They saw him dragging himself inside the room, and Narukami-kun worriedly ran toward him.
To everyone's surprise, including myself, when we see him all wobbly and ready to collapse, I was the one who caught him.
Narukami-kun looked at me with wide eyes, and honestly, I don't blame her.
'Oh.. Yuuki-kun. What a pleasant surprise!'
'Ah, Yuu-kun, what are you doing here at this hour? Didn't Trickstar finish practice already?' Ritsu-kun asked as he was standing up from the kotatsu. 'Maa-kun texted me saying he was worried about you.'
I was surprised too.
'Ah, yeah, I just left my phone in the practice room so I was just going back to get it. And just now, I bumped into Izumi-san,
and I saw him kinda unsteady, so I caught him-' Now that i think about it, why did he suddenly faint?
'Ah, okay. Thank you Yuuki-kun, we'll take him from there. We were getting ready to leave anyways, but we'll probably visit the infirmary first, with Izumi-chan being like this, I can't just leave him yanno?'
'Aa Nacchan, then you go and I'll just stay here with my lovely kotatsu while waiting for Maa-kun~ Take care!'
'Were you seriously planning on staying in school rather than going home and sleep in your own bed? I wouldn't really want to let you do that though.'
All of a sudden, like a prayer, Isara-kun arrived. It was as if he knew that we were talking about him, and honestly, I was glad he was here.
He's running towards us, and when he gets here, he lets out a relieved sigh.
'Ah Makoto, thank God I caught you. I was a little worried when you said you left your phone-' He's assessing the situation, which is as following;
Narukami-kun and I both holding Izumi-san while Ritsu-kun is sitting at the kotatsu. Although, as soon as he hears Isara-kun's voice he jumped up and hugged him.
'Maa-kun! Now that you're here, you can take me home, so Nacchan won't worry about me sleeping in school.'
'Wait, were you planning on sleeping here?'
'Yeah, he was, so thanks for coming I guess' She chuckles somewhat nervously. 'I wanted him to accommodate me to the infirmary, but I think he'll be better off with you Mao-chan'
'Uh okay no problem. Then come Ritsu. Also, may I ask what exactly happened here?' He pointed at Izumi-san, but he received no response, since we did not know what happened either.
All he could see was us looking at each other whether one of us would speak.
When they departed from us, Narukami-kun and I watched them walk away, chatting and laughing -which was mostly just Ritsu-kun-
while I saw Isara-kun looking back at me still concerned.
I waved back at him, then I guess I got lost in my own thoughts.
As for why these things happened the way they happened.
I too wanted to be home by now, but for some reason, after Ritsu-kun and Isara-kun left, I asked to myself after a while '...Did he really faint? He's not faking it right??'
and after I asked Narukami-kun whether I could accompany her and Izumi-san to the infirmary.
She looked at me, like she was worried about me, 'Is it really okay?' she asked, but I reassured her that it'll be fine.
At least I hope.
This was not the first time today that I surprised myself, so I didn't even bat an eye.
After we get to the nurse's office, I help Narukami-kun put Izumi-san on one of the beds.
'By the way Yuuki-kun, didn't you say you forget something?' she said.
'Ah, that's right. I will get going then. Will you be fine with me leaving first?'
'Sure-' And at that moment, Izumi-san started mumbling something.
Both of us flinched a little.
'....I-I'm.. sorry....Y-Yuu...kun..'
Narukami-kun gasped and started whispering to me
'Ah, oh Yuuki-kun? I might have to leave earlier, so can you stay with him at least until he wakes up?'
Then she got up, tapped my shoulders and said in a serious and uneasy tone-
'I'm sorry for what we said earlier.' I gulped 'We didn't mean to talk you or Izumi-chan out behind your backs..'
I think it was quite obvious that I was eavesdropping on them, wasn't it? But then she said
'I know you'd rather not be around him after what he did to you during DDD, but at least, give him another chance,
or just hear him out if he decides to talk... And...sorry about him. You know what he's like. Just hang in there, Yuuki-kun.'
Then she turned from me and walked out the door.
And now it's awfully quiet here.
Plus I still don't have my phone to distract myself, and I can't really leave Izumi-san alone now that it's just the two of us.
So I just sit next to him and watch him sleep. He looks very tired. So it wasn't just me who wasn't able to get any sleep after DDD, huh.
After we won that, I almost immediately fainted, thank god I was able to stand on my legs until I got to a nearby closet.
Luckily, no one found me, cause I woke up not so much after.
It was really exhausting keeping that smiling mask on all the time in front of everyone, and saying 'I'm fine, don't worry about me!'
When will I stop lying to others?
When will I stop lying to myself?
At the time I felt happiness because we won, and anxiousness, because of this certain someone, who is now laying in front of me.
Even tho he kept repeating he was just trying to protect me, I really think he was blinded by what he claims to be 'love' he feels towards me.
But I've been thinking too. Before I entered high school, I was not in the best place, mentally, mostly.
And he knew that, but still forced me to be in front of cameras.
I also got discouraged by what he insisted on 'getting it stuck under my thick skull'.
Is that I'm not nothing more than a pretty face, a doll, and my skills are not worth wasting on 'dreaming of becoming an idol'.
At first I didn't think he could mean any harm, but then he got, I don't know, obsessed, and that later made me run away from him and avoid him.
More like I just wanted to get myself together before I could face him and prove him wrong.
Narukami-kun did say I should hear him out when he wakes up. Then that's what I'm gonna do. Since I'd like to get that done sooner than later.
He started to roll in the bed, like he's having a nightmare. He was frowning and mumbling.
In the bottom of my heart I felt sorry for him, but at the same time, I have a hard time forgiving him after all...that.
But, I don't know his point of view, so I can't really judge...No. I gotta have faith in myself and step up.
You got this Makoto!
-
It was dark.
I slowly opened my eyes, and after things became a bit clearer, I realized I'm not at home.
I squinted, and blinked only to realize where I am. At the school's infirmary. Great. That probably means I successfully fainted in front of someone.
I wasn't able to keep being strong after all, no matter how many faces I put on. I was weak.
I let my desires lead me by the nose again, and it only lead me to hurting pretty much everyone around me. Everyone important around me.
Even the most important person, I swore to protect, but the one he needs protection from, is me.
I even ended up hurting myself after I failed at what was most important.
When I try to sit up, I feel something brushing past my skin.
I look down at the bed next to me, only to almost faint again.
What is he of all people doing here??
Shouldn't he be avoiding me as we speak?
I can't help but let out a light scream of confusion.
He seemed to be asleep, so I did not want to wake him up. I don't think I succeeded.
He started to move and when he looked up at me, with his eyes half open, I couldn't help but turn away.
I didn't want to let him know how embarrassed I am right now.
'Ah, Izumi-san, you're finally awake. Sorry, I felt a little drowsy too so I took a small nap hehe. Are you okay?' The sweet tone of his voice didn't help me calm down.
I could only nod because of confusion, but I slightly regained my right mind, and decided to take my hand away from my mouth and actually answer.
'Ye-yeah..' Is all I could say. Bravo Izumi, bravo. But at least I spoke.
'Well that's good. Everyone was worried about you, you know. Although they seemed rather used to it than surprised.'
I tried to regain my coolness, but what he said piqued my interest.
'Mhm...Wait, who do you mean by 'everyone'?'
'Well it was only Narukami-kun, Ritsu-kun and Isara-kun present when it happened, so I guess them.'
I let out a small sigh. I did not intend for that to happen, but thank God it was not the entirety of Knights. Those two are kind of used to it I guess, but Kasa-kun might have reacted worse.
When I try to open up my mouth to say something, he takes the chance away-
'...and me.'
I look at him questioningly. '..you what?'
He looks back at me then immediately looks at the ground. 'I..was worried too.'
We stay in silence. I try to put the puzzle together but I can't seem to find the last piece as for- 'why?'
This time he's the one who looks at me questioningly. And then I received the most basic, boring and most disappointing answer.
'W-well, everyone would be worried if they suddenly see someone faint.'
I knew it. He didn't even care. He just happened to be there.
...Happened to be there?
I perk up at my own question.
'Hey Yuu-kun, where exactly were we when all of...all of this happened?' my voice slightly broke.
'Ah oh, we were at the studio rooms I think Knights rented out. But are you sure you should be moving this much after just waking up?'
I ignored his question.
I couldn't resist getting closer and closer to him.
I wanted to know the details. I wanted to know if there was even a slight chance of hope I could grab, that he actually cared.
'And can you tell me what happened exactly?' I was so serious.
He leans a bit backwards.
'Uhhh, Izumi-san are you sure you're okay?'
'Answer me first' I was desperate.
'Uhh okay.. W-well I was walking in the hallway, to get my phone I left in the practice room...And then-'
He seems unwilling to tell what happened next.
I felt like I shouldn't press it on for longer, so I decide to get up. It was a bad idea. I felt dizzy and fell back right on the bed.
I sigh rather aggressively in front of me. He seems concerned, cause I hear him stand up from the chair.
I still want to get up, without any success, but I don't want to look weak. My hands are shaking, my legs are trembling my mind is almost numb.
I could cry for being this weak, but not in front of him. Not in front of Yuu-kun.
My Yuu-kun.
The one I'd rather show my strongest side.
Today, I was not able to. He must think how weak and pathetic I am, me, who is supposed to be his onii-chan, to protect him...
I put my face in my hands, and start sobbing.
I couldn't help it.
I couldn't face him.
As soon as he heard the voices, he came towards me, stood in front of me, put his warm and delicate hands on my shoulders, asked me if I was okay...
All this trouble, simply out of sympathy.
'Izumi-san...' He sounded tired.
I looked at him from behind my tears.
I didn't even think about how he's feeling, I just thought about me. And this is how I wanted to protect him?
I can't look at him anymore, I start crying. He really doesn't know what to do with me.
And honestly, I'm not blaming him, cause neither do I.
But the next thing he did, was not on the 'what-I-expect-Yuu-kun-doing' list.
He hugged me.
It was an awkward hug. It's appropriate for an awkward situation.
'Izumi-san, I'm not exactly sure what happened that made you cry, but it's okay. It will be okay'
He was caressing my back.
It all just made me more and more emotional.
The Yuu-kun who is supposed to be disgusted with me, is now caressing my back.
The Yuu-kun who is supposed to avoid me at all costs, is now hugging me.
It all feels like a dream.
Oh how I wish this dream would never end.
So I might just blurt out my worries, since this whole scenario is just too good to be true.
'I'm- I'm sorry, so sorry for kidnapping you *sob*.. I didn't.. even think.. what you might feel, and I *sob* I let my desires take the better out of me.'
'I was blinded by last year's happenings, and ...and ...' I took a break to catch my thoughts.
Meanwhile he lightly pushed me away from him, still holding my shoulders, still looking at me. Looking at me with concern.
I started to wipe my tears away now that my arms were free. I was such an ugly sight to behold.
After cleaning my eyes I look at him and said '..I just didn't want to lose you too..'
He seemed surprised. I don't know if it was because of what I said, or what I did.
'...' He didn't say anything.
I was hiding my face behind my hands, so he wouldn't be able to witness my pitiful side.
I know simply saying sorry and apologizing would not do the trick.
But I was desperate. Desperate to get his forgiveness......who am I kidding, even if it was someone else, in their place, I wouldn't forgive trash like me either.
'Izumi-san.'
He spoke.
I perked my ugly face up to meet his face.
To meet his eyes.
Although I don't think I should have been granted permission to look at those beautiful emerald green eyes.
I was the one who was facing the windows, whilst he sat with his back facing them, so his eyes were dark, but not for me.
For me, those eyes were like my saviors. I felt like I could go on as long as I could get even a glimpse of those eyes.
But he was serious to the point where it was a bit startling.
'Izumi-san, I don't know why you started crying. But if it was because of me, I'm so-'
He didn't finish that sentence, instead said, 'No. If anything I should say is definitely not sorry.'
I agreed with him. I looked down disappointed.
Not with him of course. Who could be disappointed in such a wonderful human being?
We just looked in front of one another, silence desperately growing between us, when I got tired so I put myself in action.
'You are right, Yuu-kun. I don't deserve your forgiveness.' I gently touched his hands that were still on my shoulders for some reason.
I held his hands in mine for a little while, and I was surprised that he didn't pull away.
No, I was actually more surprised that he even touched me, not even talking about hugging and the likes !!
Anyways, I still felt like that this is too good to be true, so I dared not let go of his soft hands. I might as well just have this moment of intimacy between us.
'I know that how I acted was childish and stupid, crazy even.'
'More like insane.' I snort out a small grin at that.
'Heh, yeah or that.'
He was still looking at me.
'I just thought, that if I could keep you by my side, I could protect you. Now I know that was wrong of me.'
I look at our hands. His hands.. in my hands. Such a nice thing to have.
How selfish I am.
'You know, I don't nee-'
'Yes, I know. I was being selfish.'
I wanted to finish my train of thought without him interrupting me. It might have been rude, but honestly, at this moment, I don't care. That's the least of my worries what curses he sends my way.
'Since the day I got the information that you joined Yumenosaki, I wanted to be a good senior, and show you around and such.' I sound so hopeless. But I smile at myself for being this pathetic.
He doesn't say a word.
I can tell he's listening.
His hands are still in my hands. I take the initiative and start playing with his fingers as I talk.
'But no matter how many times I was looking for you, I wasn't able to find you. It felt like, even back then, that you were avoiding me.'
I sometimes take a glimpse at his face. He looks like he's about to say something but I'm not letting him.
I want to clear things up as much and as good as I can, so hopefully it can make things good between us. Ah, false hopes.
'When you - I took a small break here and try not to sound insensitive while also swallowing down my pride - took a break from..modeling back then...'
I now fully look at his face.
We looked at each others eyes.
I thought I'd feel emotional and ready to start crying again, but no. Instead I felt empowered.
'Yes, I did want you to come back to modeling. I wanted us to be together again.'
'And yes, I was only thinking about myself, how I wanted to be reunited with you again, now that we got the chance to meet at school....and...'
It's awkward again.
I should stop talking.
I open my mouth like I'm about to say something, but instead he breaks the silence.
'I never tried to intentionally avoid you, Izumi-san.' He was squeezing my hands tighter, not allowing me to play with his fingers anymore. Bummer.
'..About going back to modeling...' He looks very uncomfortable.
'You don't have to force yourself to tell me what happened. Although it would be an honour if you'd tell your onii-chan, but I don't want to pressure you. Not more than I already have.'
He let out a light chuckle.
He was smiling.
'Yeah, well, I think we both have things we're not yet ready to tell each other.'
At first I didn't know what it was that I haven't told him.
'For example, why were you so obsessed with getting me back to modeling....and with...me in general.' A slight blush spreads across his beautiful face.
'And why I decided to step down from being a 'child genius'. That... is something I'm...not sure how to tell you yet.'
I see grief on his face.
Of course I don't want to hurt him by asking, for now, unnecessary questions.
He did say he's not ready yet, which means he'll eventually tell me! I wouldn't want to miss that opportunity whenever it may occur.
And hopefully we still be on good terms when it happens..
I just really don't want to mess things up again.
Not now, when we're actually communicating with one another.
I am still delusional that all of this is really happening.
Delusional enough that I dare ask him;
'Hey Yuu-kun..' He looks at me so cutely 'What's happening right now....is...not a dream..right?'
I looked at him puzzled and afraid that he says it's really just in my head.
'Haha, Izumi-san, are you still half asleep? Of course this is real. Although it really feels strange-'
'Strange?'
'Yeah. I mean I'm actually sitting in front of you, with an awfully calm mind. And.. we're actually having a decent conversation!'
'After all the things that happened the other day, I mean, it's scary.' He keeps silent a second 'But somehow awfully peaceful.'
A moment of silence.
'Are you scared?'
'Huh?'
'That I might do something to you.' He retreats with the chair almost falling with him.
'I-I wasn't before, but now I am cautious! You're not planning on doing something to me righht??'
'Haha nah, that would be too easy.'
He measurably looks at me from head to toe 'Are you sure you're capable to do anything? Given the state that you're in.' He has a cheeky half smirk on his face.
Oh how dearly I wished I could enjoy more of these moments.
'Haha you got me.'
He stood up, cleaned himself and asked me whether I'd needed more time to rest.
After he asked that I realized that we're still in the school.
'Oh, yeah, just give me a minute.' I pulled out my phone and saw that I had an unread message from Naru-kun.
" I left you in good hands, so try not to take advantage of the situation <3 "
Like I could.
But why did she left me with him?
Did she try to set me up to talk with him?
Eh, whatever the reason was, I don't mind the outcome. After all, this moment might not happen again.
I look out the windows. It's almost dark enough to not be able to see. Just how long were we in here?
For how long have I slept??
'Ah Izumi-san, if you don't mind I'd like to retrieve my phone from the practice room first. Can I leave you be for a couple minutes?'
'Haah? You stayed here for this long and didn't even got your phone back? Why didn't you go earlier?'
I saw him turning red as he turned around. That caught me by surprise. Such a pure boy.
'W-well, even someone as decent as me would have stayed with someone who is asleep and otherwise alone-'
'Were you the only one who took me here?'
'Ah no, Narukami-kun helped me carry you. She said she had to leave after youuuoh--'
I saw it on his face that he didn't expect me standing behind him.
I felt better after just sitting. Maybe holding his hands helped to get strength too.
'What?'
'You scared me!'
Well sorry for feeling better and being able to stand up, for real this time. I fold my arms in front of my chest.
'You were saying..?'
'Right, so she said she had to leave all of a sudden, right after you started... mumbling something..'
'Don't stop in front of a sentence. Seriously Yuu-kun, this is starting to become a habit. You've been doing it all day today.'
'Sorry. It's just... I don't know if it'd be alright for me to say any more. I don't want to get yelled at for being nosy after all.' Another cheeky grin. I swear this boy will drive me crazy one day. In the good way.
But I wouldn't mind being driven crazy by him after all.
What he said is somewhat true. But since I was the one who said it, then wouldn't it be okay to know what I forgot?
'Just say it. I won't get mad. I was the one who said it after all, so I don't see why I'd get angry.'
'Promise?'
'What are we, children? Yea, I promise.'
He starts to fidget with his sleeves.
'...Sorry..Yuu-kun..' His voice was almost too tiny to hear. But not for me. I heard it as clear as day.
I blushed and turned away from him.
'Okay okay. Can we go now?'
'Ah, Sure! ^^'
-
I turned at the corner, and headed to the infirmary.
When I got there, I heard their voices. The last thing I could take out was 'sure' from Yuuki-kun.
So I thought it was the best timing to interrupt their sweet talk.
'Hey hey! Ah Izumi-chan, I see you're all better! Great great. My special delivery was effective.'
It was good to tease him now and then. But now he didn't lash back at me with his usual tsundere attitude. I expected it since I interrupted their little date.
Instead he calmly got back at me.
'Ah Naru-kun. What are you doing here?'
'Ah right Narukami-kun, didn't you have something urgent to do? Are you finished with it?'
They can't be serious, right?
'Aaa right right. Yeah I finished, and it turned out to be not so urgent haha. Oh also I brought your phone back Yuuki-kun. I ran into Kunugi-sensei on my way so I thought I'd check the practice rooms so that I might find your phone.'
I can't really tell them that I had nothing to attend to and I was technically eavesdropping on their conversation, but since there was a long silence before I left, I thought I'd retrieve his phone and let them talk.
It was a pure coincidence that I ran into Kunugi-sensei, so while I was at it we had a pleasant conversation.
'Waa thank you Narukami-kun!' He seemed happier than I expected. Which probably meant that nothing bad happened while I was gone.
Well I did my part, and I'm glad I was able to contribute in their reconciliation.
Small steps, but they'll get there eventually.
-
We head to the entrance gates and say our goodbyes when it's time to part.
I mean, Narukami-kun parts from us, following Kunugi-sensei, and I would too but Izumi-san is holding onto my sleeve.
Like a lost child.
When I turn back and ask what he's doing, he suddenly looks up, like he just came back from another world.
'Ah-ha-yes!! S-sorry!!' he mumbled almost under his breath, all surprised and embarrassed.
I looked at him a bit worryingly, but then said my goodbyes and started walking.
It didn't take me long to notice that he was following me.
'Um, Izumi-san, what are you doing?'
He looked confused at my question, like it should be obvious, and said this with a light smile on his face.
'I'm walking Yuu-kun home. What else would I be doing?'
I kinda flinch at that question, while afraid to look at his face, he seemed to realize why I flinched.
'Ah no no no no!! I'm not stalking you I swear!!' He's waving his hands before him, as defense.
I chose to believe him. Plus if he really were to stalk me, he would be more careful.
I decided that it was not a crime to walk someone home, so I didn't go against the whole thing.
But almost halfway to my house, I felt like this scenario is wrong.
He fainted not long ago and slept like a log in school. If anyone, I should be the one who accompanies him home.... Right??
I mean, not that I would jump about the idea of accompanying the person who locked me up for days.. But deep down inside, I know he's not a bad person.
He's just really bad at showing his emotions. More like, he doesn't want to show them.
To not let others see his weaknesses.
To not let others see how vulnerable he actually is.
I know that. I know that very well.
I suddenly turn around, and to both of our surprise, without saying anything, I grab his wrist and start pulling him in the other direction.
'E-eh? Yuu-kun wha-' He stutters.
I feel a bit embarrassed but also cool, for doing something this abrupt.
I might regret this later, but for now, I'll go with this.
-
This,,is this,, another dream?? What is happening??
Yuu-kun just suddenly grasped my wrist and started pulling me.
I was confused.
Does he want to take a detour to his house?
Does he want to speak with me?
Maybe....he just wants to abandon me in a random park and leave me there...
That thought put a twist in my stomach. I couldn't help but clench my uniform around the abdomen area.
It would be really unattractive if I suddenly decide to throw up...right behind him !!
But he continues to pull me, and the way he holds my wrist is somehow gentle.
It didn't hurt and he was clenching just enough that it wouldn't let go.
Then there was a bump in the road, which made me a bit unstable.
And that landed up....our hands....this day really is something.
His hands slid down to my hands.
And it was like the most awkward hand holding you'd ever see.
It lasted only a couple seconds after he too realized what just happened.
I really feel like this day didn't happen and my mind is just making all these beautiful scenarios up.
Because these can't be real.
There's just no way.
He pulled his hand away, and I let him go.
He didn't dare look at me. He looked at me for a second and then turned his head in embarrassment.
I saw how red his ears were. It made me happy.
But I shouldn't feel happy. I do not deserve happiness. Not after all the horrible things I've done.
But this dream is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I would like this to last forever. It all feels too real.
I never had dreams this long and detailed. Or maybe I had I don't know, I don't remember them.
But I know I had some nightmares after I asked Tenshouin to give him to me after they're disbanded.
Deep down I knew that it was wrong. But I was so blinded by the past that I didn't realize it after it was too late.
He continues to walk and I decide to follow him, as this place is clearly nowhere near his house.
And then I looked around to realize that it was my neighborhood.
He walked Me home! Not the other way around! Hah!
When we get to my apartment complex, we stop next to each other. He stopped holding my hand after we bumped.
I was waiting for something to happen, but honestly, I don't know what I was expecting, because clearly, he walking me home was never on my expectation list.
'So Izumi-san. I have brought you home safely.' He didn't look at me. He was looking at the ground.
I dared not look at anywhere else but him.
He was so manly in this moment. My heart skipped a few beats along the way.
'You sure did.' I look at my house and then to the ground.
'Would you' - this is stupid....oh well, here goes nothing - 'Would you like to stay for the night?'
I asked it.
I really did.
What was I even thinking??
Clearly nothing because that came out of the blue.
He too looked at me confused, embarrassed. 'Wha-??'
I was looking for a defense I could use in this scenario 'A-Aah no no no it's nothing bad I swear!! It's just that, we did walk from halfway to your house to my house! Plus I bet you're tired too!! Hehe--'
Congratulations Sena Izumi. The most idiotic answer prize goes for you.
I felt so stupid and was about to say that whatever, I didn't mean it anyway- But!
'...' He fell silent for a bit. 'I appreciate the concern, Izumi-san. I really do.' he said. 'But I don't know if it'd be a good idea, not to mention that until yesterday, I was tied up in a practice room for days.'
I felt ashamed so I tried to stop him.
'O-okay Yuu-kun, I got the point.' I had my hand in front of my face in embarrassment 'Don't answer, I got it.'
He looked hesitant as to whether he should consider the offer or no, I couldn't tell.
I wish I could punch myself sometimes.
-
He asked me a question.
It felt like THE question naive high school students in their first year ask each other when they're going out--
But we're not like that..
He's just a year older than me, my senior, who also happens to be someone I happen to know from our childhood.
At first I didn't know how and what to respond, so I really took my time.
Then after thinking it almost throughout, I decided.
I took a deep breath.
'...But, it IS pretty late now, and I am pretty tired both after today's practice and from what you put me through, so I might take you up on your offer.'
I couldn't believe that I really decided to stay at HIS house of all places.
But Narukami-kun did tell me that I should give him another chance. And from what happened today, I can see that he has no ill intents towards me.
Not that he ever had.
---
I opened my eyes.
My game console and glasses were on the table in front of us.
We were at the ES building's common room.
I don't know what happened and how and when I fell asleep.
But I slept really well.
I was sleeping on Izumi-san's shoulders.
'Wow' I say truly amazed that all of that was a dream.
'What is it Yuu-kun?' He didn't look up from his book.
'I just had a weird and awfully long dream. The end of it definitely didn't happen. I would remember that.'
'Oh? Remember? What did you dream about?'
I sit up and look in front of me.
'I guess it was in our school years when you kidnapped me before Dream Fes..' I look at Izumi-san with a devilish grin.
His unit mates like to bring up this event to tease him and then he'll become all flustered and tsundere. Is what they say.
'Oh...uhm..' He seems uncomfortable. Should I not have mentioned it?
He seemed flustered and slightly bothered by it.
'So you still...remember that... I-I see...'
I laid back on the couch and did a slight pout.
'Well you did give me some sort of PTSD, so you can't say it wasn't exactly your faul-'
'Soooo what did you dream about? You were smiling so it must have been something nice!'
Nice save.
He now looked up at me with an uncomfortable smile on his face.
I guess it does matter who teases him with this topic.
I don't necessarily want to remember it either, but it's not something a person can just easily forget like it never happened.
That event was a huge happening in my life and maybe it affected my idol activities too.
So in a way, I owe him a thank you.
'Ah well, I don't remember now. But it really must have been very nice if I was smiling the whole time.'
I squeeze his hand. He squeezed back.
'You know, Izumi-san, I know from my heart that you did not mean and still don't mean any harm. You are just..easily misunderstood by everyone. Including myself.'
He's now looking at our hands with a serious face.
'I came to accept you for who you are, and who you became. I am not regretting any second.'
I give him a small kiss on his cheek.
He gave me a handsome smile.
'Hehe yeah, I'm really glad we're on good terms now. And I can't be more grateful than I already am that you accept me for who I was and who I am. I'm trying to be a better person, for you, for everyone.'
He's stroking the back of my hand. 'Of course, I'm not asking you to forgive all my mistakes.'
We look into each others eyes.
We're both mesmerized.
I didn't know that he's such a romantic.
'I'm not forgetting your flaws either. Because you are who I love.' He's so cheeky.
I let out a satisfied smile.
'I won't forget what we both went through. These flaws are what makes us 'us'.'
I'm just sitting there beside him, listening to him saying all these cliche romance movie lines.
All I can do is smile and nod.
'Thank you, Izumi-san.' He looks bewildered, because that was not quite the answer he expected after his cheesy monologue.
He blushed. 'For what?'
'For staying with me all this time. I promise to be a better boyfriend, and not be such a coward anymore.'
'Yuu-kun is not a coward, I am.'
There is a short pause and then both of us start laughing.
'Well let's say we're both cowards then, how's that sound?'
'Huhm, if Yuu-kun wants me to be a coward then fine.'
We shared a kiss and then laughed to ourselves again.
'I love you, Izumi-san'
'I love you too, Yuu-kun'