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the date is like fuckin 2015 or some far off shit like that an a course the robots are at wwar because wwhy the fuck wwouldnt they be in the future thats wwhat they do anywway the last bastion of trollkind is the bravve and really sexy prince a the alternian empire eridan ampora an hes got a mission to kill all the robots and also get a date for troll prom
this wwas eris toughest mission yet not the robot destroyin thing but mostly the date thing not because he wwas in anywway unappealing in a physical or romantic or sexual wway but because all the eligible hunks got fuckin stolen by the robots to powwer their supercomputers on pure attractivveness wwhich is wwhy they wwere after eri a course
so eri wwas bein all heroic as per fuckin usual pickin up the slack for his honestly kind of wwanting teammates wwho dont evven bare mentioning because they wwere so useless and so they wwont evven be recorded in history an so wwhy record them in the present either is wwhat i say but anywway they had managed to not be useless for once and found the secret entrance to the evvil base an eri wwas all like dont wworry i got it from here and wwent in alone being sure to take off his shirt to expose his really fuckin majestic muscles and he soon locates the powwer source due to his ability to naturally sense attractivve people an he opened the door to find kar being drained of his sexiness an that wwasnt the kind of thing eri wwas going to stand for so he freed him but it turned out to be a trap an the treacherous pissblood sol turned out to be the vvillain and nobody wwas suprised and eri beat him up all the same and jumped out of the building wwhile it exploded holding kar and protecting him from the blast
but kar wwas seriously losing attractivveness and eri kneww if he wwas to salvvage prom he had to get him to a medic and he kneww the best one and he wwent there and kan did all she could too savve him and eri wwept a single vvery manly tear and stayed by kars bedside until he came to and then kar thanked him for savving him and they kissed and some of eris attractivveness wwore of on kar and he wwas back to full health and so the prom wwas savved but the mission wwasnt ovver yet
kar wwas all like sol wwasnt evven the big bad there wwas a bigger bad because the big bad couldnt be someone so not ripped you couldnt evven see a muscle on his body and the big bad wwas the only person wwith muscles that rivvaled eridan and eri kneww wwho it wwas immediately and set off after kissin kar on the cheek and he swwooned not that eri looked becuase cool guys dont look at their swwooning boyfriends
wwhen he got to eqs fuckin lair eri bust in wwith his gun an savved all the attractivve people and faced off wwith eq wwho it turned out wwas also luring him into a trap and trapped eri in a machine to take all of his infinite supply of hotness and it looked like it wwas the end for eri but then the attractivve people savved him and eri learned the lesson that being physically appealing is the best thing you can possibly be in the wworld
the end
