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“So I’m gonna become her, huh.”
It would’ve been better if she had yelled at him, hit him, punched, fought, said anything else but that. N would’ve taken any of that over that glazed-over look Uzi gave him when he told her what Tessa had told him earlier, clearly still shell-shocked from what had happened. The crazy robot lady and her creepy (but weirdly endearing) spider baby, the Sentinels…
… V.
The lump still sat in N’s throat as he followed numbly after Tessa, who was almost annoyingly perky for someone who had most likely lost someone who was once her old friend. N’s hands gripped his arms, feeling the yellow serial identification band crease under his grip. His tail flicked unhappily and his tongue felt the points of his fangs and the ports in his back that held his wings suddenly felt wrong. All little gifts from his little sis-from the Solver. That thing might as well have taken her as well. Was Cyn always like that, or had she been like Uzi before; an innocent drone who just so happened to have the worst luck in the universe?
The universe… or one little drone. Tessa dropping that bombshell on him had left a ringing in N’s audio processors that still lingered. There was a pit in his abdomen as the thought kept running through his head, a feedback loop that would not slow down. N hadn’t been given any time for anything, not to process the destruction of the mansion, to process becoming… this, to process his new purpose, to process all these revelations that were piecing together to create a horrific picture that he somehow served a purpose in. The mere thought of what might happen in the future, as well as its spiraling, unknowing lack of certainty made him want to vomit.
How am I supposed to choose? I don't have enough time to think about it!
Uzi’s own steps were sluggish, her hand squeezing her limp arm. Her hand still hadn’t regrown, and she hadn’t said a word since N pulled her to the side and explained everything that Tessa had told him. For a moment he had thought she might recoil from him, her eyes going hollow, before she simply looked down at her feet, shoulders slumping.
“So I’m gonna become her, huh?”
There was so much finality to what she was saying, as if all fight had been drained out of her in that single moment. Uzi was the fighter of the group, she’d always been a fighter, so seeing her look so defeated felt wrong and N could only stare at the back of her head and struggle with the pressure clogging up his throat. What could be said? What could he possibly say to lighten the weight of what might lie in her future? She didn’t want this, and he could tell. By this point, N knew Uzi enough to know when what her mouth was saying didn’t line up with what she was thinking.
‘Oh, don’t worry, Uzi, I promise your death will be quick and painless!’ Yeah, that’s totally going to help.
N cringed internally at the thought, shaking his head faintly. He didn’t want to have to say anything to Uzi that would basically boil down to “I’m sorry”s. No amount of “I’m sorry”s would make up for this.
Some friend I am, he thought bitterly, kicking a small piece of debris to the side, ‘ Then we’ll stick together’, I’m such a jerk…
N was sure if V and J were here, they would probably berate him for his lack of conviction. V especially, considering she basically placed her trust in Uzi after months of (now understandable) distrust and disdain and might’ve given her life to allow them a chance to get the answers they needed. If she was really dead, N was surprised she hadn’t manifested from the digital aether to slap him for dragging his feet.
Are you seriously getting cold feet now? He could almost hear her now. After all the trust she’s put into you, you’re just going to give up on her? What happened to you always taking her side, huh?
Maybe he did still need her. She was always the other blunt one of the group.
“Pick up the pace, N! You’re draggin’ your feet!” Tessa’s voice cut through N’s made-up V monologue, and when he looked up, his fists balled slightly at the remaining perk she carried. He couldn’t tell if it was genuine or a ruse, but his fists clenched regardless. How could she afford to even pretend to be so cheery at a time like this? If she was trying to lift N’s spirits, then she wasn’t doing a very good job.
There were a million things to say on the top of N’s tongue, all things he couldn’t say to Tessa. What could he possibly say to her? That he never wanted to be made into a machine of death? That it wasn’t fair? Why was he even doing this in the first place? Because he was told to? How could he possibly choose between her and the entire universe? Why did he even have to choose in the first place? Why couldn’t both be saved?
… Oh robo-god, I cut off her hand. If he wasn’t in the company of two others, N would’ve pressed his face into his hands. I cut off her hand. Why did I cut off her hand? I didn’t want to cut off her hand! What kind of friend cuts off their friend’s hand? Are we even still friends or-?
The warmth of a smaller hand pressing into his, fingers slipping in to lace with N’s own as if they were always meant to be there-
N wanted to kick himself for feeling heat return to his cheeks. It’s wasn’t fair, it was so unfair, Uzi never asked for this, she never asked to contract some kind of eldritch, world-destroying space virus from her dead mom, what would he tell Khan and Thad if he had to-
It’s not fair! He kicked a broken pipe to the side, unable to suppress a very faint grunt of frustration. Why should she have to die? And after I said that… That I…
Life before Uzi had been empty in hindsight. Repetition, purposeless aside from being made to one day burn out and fade like a dying star. Pointless killing, an empty existence aside from a singular purpose, and even when shoved into a squad, N had secretly never felt more distant. And color didn’t return to it until a goth girl broke into the corpse spire and blasted off his head, and after that there had been one thing after another that jump-started something in N that he once thought was dead. Uzi gave him his memories back, his identity back, and her mere presence in his life was something no “gift” from the Solver could compare to.
He didn’t want to imagine a life where that had never happened. He didn’t want to return to a life without Uzi. A universe without her would be an empty one, no matter how many lives he saved.
Maybe things didn’t have to be one or another. Maybe he could do both. He had to do both.
The old Tessa would’ve tried to help her, he thought bitterly, feeling his legs start to move again. But she’s… different now. The more he thought about it, the more apparent he became, and that made V’s sacrifice leave a metallic taste in his mouth, as much as those old memories, however bittersweet, still hung in his mind.
For once, the universe seemed to agree with N, although it showed it in a very odd way.
The familiar sound of the Solver caught N’s attention, and he grabbed Uzi’s hand, pulling back as a piece of the structure above came crashing down in front of him with an explosion of dust and debris.
Yellow and purple eyes met bright red, and Doll held out her hand again, still clutching the struggling roach. She took a step back, her gaze remaining on Uzi, clutched safely in N’s arms, and for a second she seemed to waver before shaking her head and vanishing in a flash of scarlet.
“You two need to follow her!” Tessa called from the other side of the new dead end behind them, and N heard her starting to move. “I’ll catch up with you guys at the lab, just hurry and find that list! Hurry!”
“R-right… right!” N said, hoping his tone was convincing enough. “See you there!”
“Mh…” Uzi mumbled.
Tessa didn’t say anything in response, but N could hear her steps fading in a different direction, and he looked down at Uzi. Her hand was starting to regrow, but slowly, and she still looked very tired. She caught him staring, and quickly reached up to her bangs, pulling it down on the new yellow eye.
“Come on,” she said stiffly, starting to walk in the direction Doll had vanished. N fidgeted, his conviction having been jostled by the sudden flurry of chaos, and followed after her.
The lower floors of the lower labs were a winding maze of rooms and halls, linking into a winding metal web illuminated by blinking buttons and flickering fluorescent lights that bathed the metal floor in a sickly yellow glow. They passed by lab rooms painted in robotic gore and dirty tools and steaming pipes and employee facilities and rooms.
The silence hung heavy over the duo, which allowed N’s thoughts to start up again. The thought of him being wrong tried to grab at him, but impulse had N in a chokehold and he let it drag him along, scooping Uzi up and suddenly dipping into one of the rooms, slamming the door behind him.
“N, what are you- ?” Uzi yelped as N placed her on one of the tables. It was some kind of cafeteria, the sterile overhead lights still humming above them.
“Tell me you’re not okay with this,” N blurted out. “I know you well enough to know that you’re not okay with this.”
The tight-lipped response spoke volumes, and N leaned a little closer.
“Uzi, please talk to me,” he begged, “I need to know how you feel about this.”
“It doesn’t matter, N.” There was a weak struggle against N’s grip, but Uzi was either too weak from her previous ordeal or not feeling it, because she barely made him budge.
“It matters to me.”
“It shouldn’t.”
“Uzi…”
“... I mean, I’m my mom’s daughter, right?” Uzi chuckled bitterly. “I guess dying because of this stupid Solver also runs in the family-”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not? Tessa said it herself, right? The more this… thing stays inside of me, the more it’ll eat away at me until I stop being Uzi and become… her.” Another bitter laugh. “Hell, maybe you should kill me right now and just go on without me. I’m sure Tessa will be real happy to know that you took one monster off the list of possible hundreds-”
“Uzi-”
“And hey, maybe killing me will finally take it out. But that’s me kidding myself, right? Just like I was kidding myself when I thought that I wanted answers, because look where it led us!”
“Uzi, please just li-”
“So why bother fighting it, right? For all we know, whatever we came down here for won’t even be able to help me, and I’m just some doomed stupid girl who thought that finding answers to everything would solve all her problems! What hath hubris wrought now, huh?”
“You don’t think that!” N blurted, gripping Uzi’s shoulders and shaking her slightly. “I know you don’t actually mean that!”
“I do!”
“Liar!”
“I don’t care if I die, okay? At least if you do it, it’ll be-!”
“I’m not going to kill you, Uzi!”
“Why?”
To say that N was taken aback would not do how he felt upon hearing that justice. It almost sent him reeling as he took a clumsy step back before returning to his original spot, unable to speak.
“What does it matter to you? Tessa’s right, okay? There, there it is, laid out in the open! Consider the dirty laundry aired!” Uzi quickly looked away, squeezing her arms. “Besides, it’s not like me dying is going to matter all that much, anyway. It’s gonna happen sooner or later, and I’d rather die as myself than as just some puppet.”
“... Y-you’re lying.” N’s voice shook. There was so much to say and so little time, but right now, the orders he’d been given came second. “You have to be.”
“I’m not lying.”
“Uzi.” N placed his hands on her shoulders, taking note of how the smaller drone flinched. “Please.”
“N, stop.” Uzi’s gaze drifted down, staring at her hands which rested on her lap. They were also shaking. “For once, you’re the one being mean.”
“Then look me in the eyes and tell me you’re okay with this.” N gripped her a little harder, almost scared that she’d vanish if he let her go. “If you’re going to choose this, then as much as I don’t want to, I’ll go through with what you want me to do, but only if you can tell me for certain that you’re okay with this.”
“... I…” Uzi didn’t look up, staring at her lap as her hands squeezed her jacket. “... I-I’m okay with this.”
“Look at me and say it.”
Uzi didn’t look up. If anything, she curled in closer, but N didn’t let her go.
“... I knew it. You’re not okay with this at all, are you.”
“What does it matter? Why do you care so much?” Uzi demanded, scooting back. “Isn’t Tessa, like, your boss or something? And what if she’s actually telling the truth? If the Solver pulls off what it did to the Earth-”
“Because I don’t want you to die!” N blurted out, getting right up in Uzi’s face. From an outsider’s perspective, and in a more light-hearted situation, one might even say that they were almost close enough to kiss. “I get it, Tessa is… kind of my boss still and she was my friend before, but… but with you it’s… different.”
“I’m just some Worker, N. Don’t forget who was sent here to kill things like me in the first place.”
“Still not gonna kill you, though.”
“And if you have to?”
“It won’t come to that.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do.”
“Why?” The breach of proximity seemed to finally hit Uzi, and very small blush lines formed on her visor and she leaned away from him, fidgeting. “The universe or me, right? How the hell am I supposed to compete with the fucking univer-?”
Impulsively, N let his body move on its own, leaning in and closing that gap between them. Uzi tensed, a muffled yelp slipping out as her hands rested N’s shoulders, her noises becoming quieter and less surprised as the two pressed closer, eventually ending up in a partial heap on the table with Uzi’s legs wrapped around N’s midsection and her arms around his neck.
This is so selfish… N had the self-awareness to know that much, but the realization didn’t fully register, a faint shiver traveling up his back when Uzi’s good hand ran through the hair on the back of his head. She seemed to temporarily lose herself to it before her eyes went wide and she pushed N off of her, yet her hand gripped the front of his coat, holding him over her as she stared up at him, eyes wide and cheeks flushed.
“Y-you-!” She was so clearly trying to look angry, N knew her well enough to pick up on that, too. “You’re being weird, N! And annoyingly, endearingly stubborn, too!”
“Does that mean you believe me?”
“It’s the universe, N. What do I have that suddenly makes me more important than that?”
“Because you’re my universe.”
The moment he said it, N started blushing as well, fully aware of how cheesy it sounded when not just a thought in his head. Any and all confidence he had promptly left him as if it had been exorcized from his body. “I-I… I mean-what I’m trying to say is that- oh biscuits, why can’t I put it into words…?”
It took all of his willpower not to look away as Uzi tilted her head to the side. Yeah, that had been what was going on inside of N’s head, but saying it out loud felt different. It was the honest truth, but that didn’t make it look any less embarrassing.
Aaaand she’s staring at me.
“Go on…?”
You got this, N thought, taking a deep breath. Just talk from the heart. Or in your case, the creepy spider thing in your chest that will turn you into the spooky snake crab monster thing if you die.
“I know it’s important, but I don’t want a universe without you in it. A universe without you… that would suck! That would suck worse than anything! And-and Tessa wants me to make this big choice between you and it but I don’t even know what’s right and what’s wrong anymore and-!”
“N, you’re rambling again.”
“I have a lot on my mind right now, let me ramble.” Another deep breath. “I don’t want you to die, Uzi. You’ve changed my life for the better in so many ways and you make me… really happy.” Understatement of the century. “A lot has happened in the past few months and sometimes my chest and my head tell me different things, but… But I… I-I…”
“You… what?”
I don’t even know how to say it! What do I even feel? Is it even purely platonic at this point? Can two friends do pre-marital hand-holding and kiss and still-?
“N?” A nudge from Uzi helped jar N back into the present.
“... You mean a lot to me,” N settled for, and even that didn’t even begin to scratch at the surface of what he really wanted to say. “Like, a lot. I… don’t fully know how to put it into words. And you not being in my life would suck and I don’t want you gone.” He looked away, half-expecting her to scold him. “The universe is important, Uzi, but I want you to still be a part of mine.”
There was a beat of silence, with only the creaking of the aging laboratory to fill it. N felt his insides drop, and he wondered if he had once again said the wrong thing. What if this had only made Uzi feel worse? What if him spilling his guts to her had only complicated things more.
“I-!” But all N could make was a grunt of surprise as he was knocked backwards by a weight bundling against his chest, making him stumble to the floor. Uzi grabbed him by the collar, straddling his midsection, and her breathing was shaky and her gaze was one N was too flustered to read.
“W-wait!” he yelped, lifting his hands in surrender. “I-I’m sorry if that was cheesy, b-but I promise I was being hones-!”
Uzi pulled him in, and N’s mind temporarily turned to static as a mix of her mouth on his and a flash of blue light between their foreheads assaulted his senses. The kiss was deep, so many feelings pouring into N as his mind caught up with his body, and his hands slowly reached up to rest on Uzi’s back, pressing her a little closer as he felt her wings and tail form, the snake-like appendage loosely wrapping around his.
I wish we could’ve met sooner. The thoughts tumbled through N’s head as he returned the kiss, caught in the current brought on by the taste on his mouth and the feeling of breath on his lips. I wish you and I could’ve been friends before. I wish we had more time together. I wish-W-WAIT IS THAT HER TO-?
Seconds felt too short, and when Uzi finally pulled away to breathe, N could barely hear her wipe her mouth with a sharp gasp over the sound of his own racing pulse. He could only stare up at her, blinking.
“U-Uzi…?”
“You…” There was a brief shaky sob, but for once Uzi didn’t try to hide it, quickly rubbing her face as her projected tears and blush flickered. N noticed that the left side of her face had a golden eye, but the flush was still a bright purple. “Y-you’re being so frickin’ mean right now, you know that…?”
“Sorry…” N rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish chuckle. “I-I’m not too great at this kind of stuff, am I…”
“Sh-shut up…!” Hands pressed over N’s mouth, and he blinked with a muffled yelp. “What’s gotten into you? Why are you suddenly being so rebellious?”
“... Maybe I had a good example to follow?” N looked up at her earnestly and Uzi turned away.
“... D-don’t look at me like that.”
“And maybe because I don’t think that what Tessa’s suggesting is right,” N continued. “There has to be another way, and if I have to… to go against her, then I think I can live with that.”
“But isn’t she-?” Uzi stammered, clearly running out of excuses. “A-and in your memories, I saw-!”
“The Elliots were my masters once,” N conceded, the word ‘master’ making him shudder, “And in a better timeline, I think… I think the two of you could’ve been friends.” The thought was bittersweet, but the brief image of Uzi and a younger Tessa causing chaos around the manor together did make N smile, if only for a bit. “Tessa’s folks were cruel, and me standing up to them ended with me chained to a tree and pecked to death by crows, but… but I’m not the same guy I was back then, and I have you to thank for that.”
“You’re giving me too much credit by this point,” Uzi mumbled, but N could see her trying not to smile. “Besides, I don’t think I’d fit in with your fancy old life anyway. Not my scene.”
“I mean…” N said, giving Uzi a sly sideways glance. “... You would have definitely been able to pull off a maid dre-!”
“SHUT UP!” N laughed as Uzi gave him a swat on the face with her beanie, cheeks glowing purple, but she started laughing as well, giving in as she slumped against N’s chest. Her hands squeezed his coat, and her shoulders shuddered and jerked, and the more N listened, the more her laughter sounded like… sobbing?
“Um, Uzi?” Carefully, N pulled himself into a sitting position, crossing his legs so Uzi would have some support. Her hands were white-knuckling his coat, and he could clearly hear the sounds of choked sobs and whimpers.
“I-I…” Uzi mumbled against his chest, “I d-don’t… I don’t wanna d-die… o-or disappear… a-and I don’t want to destroy the universe, e-either…”
“I know you don’t. You’re not like that.”
“It’s not f-fair… I… I don’t know what to do…”
“You’re right, it’s not fair,” N said, holding the small Worker closer to him, “Which is why I’m gonna find a way to save both you and the universe.”
“Do you…?” Uzi sniffled, wiping her eyes on her arm sleeve. “D-do you really think you can-?”
“I-I… I honestly don’t know for sure,” N admitted, fully aware of how daunting the task of saving both the universe and Uzi really was. But like always, N took the situation with stride. “But I’m gonna try.”
“... Y-you’re impossible…”
“Pot, kettle.” N stuck his tongue out at her and Uzi returned the gesture, her tail mimicking it as well. “Like I said before, we stick together, right?”
“R-right.” Uzi glanced down and promptly flushed. “S-sorry for suddenly, y’know…”
“Huh? N-no it’s all fine!” N laughed nervously, also flushing gold. He was very glad that V and J weren't around to see this, although he was pretty sure that if V was dead (unlikely, the girl was not the type to go down easy), her data ghost would put off ascending to the digital aether or whatever in favor of laughing or cringing at his immense lack of finesse.
“But…”
“... B-but…?”
Uzi let go of N’s coat, fidgeting with a look of shy uncertainty. “But… on the off-chance that I might not make it later… can I cash in my hypothetical dying wish?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“C-can we… can we dance together?” Uzi looked like she wanted to collapse in an ashamed lump, which N found a guilty sort of endearment in seeing. “We never got to really enjoy prom, so…”
“I… had fun dancing with you, even though it was, like, one twirl and we were fighting for our lives.” Letting Uzi stand, N pulled himself upright and held out a hand, some of his old body language working its way to the surface as he lowered into a polite bow. He had to go a little lower than he had as a Worker, but it was still proper enough to pass.
“May I have this dance, Miss Doorman?”
The sudden formality caused Uzi to blink in surprise, and N felt a brief flash of panic, wondering if she was unimpressed, before she placed a mock hand on her chest, feigning flattery as a small but genuine smile formed on her face.
“Please, Miss Doorman was my mother.” A small hand rested in his, giving it a squeeze. “Call me… DarkXWolf17.”
“... This is so cheesy,” N said, suppressing a laugh. “I think V would hate it, although back then she used to like ballroom dancing.”
“I can almost see her pretending to gag in the corner,” Uzi said wistfully. “... I hope she’s still alive.” N raised an eyebrow and she scowled. “But only so I can tease her about finally calling me by my actual name!”
“Alright, alright,” N conceded, and he could almost visualize V making a gagging gesture in the corner, despite the teasing but encouraging smirk she gave him. “... I hope she’s still alive, too.”
Almost on cue, the speakers started to spill something other than faint static, an old song that Tessa had said was before even the first Elliot patriarch’s time. For a brief moment, they seemed to work, as if sensing this moment, wanting to grant Uzi’s death wish.
“I liked this song, but James always hated it. I don’t really remember what he said about it, but Tessa’s old mentor liked it. She was cool, and she wasn’t mean to us, and she had a bunch of cool robot security guards with her.” He sighed. “You would’ve liked them a lot, although there was this guy with red eyes who was kinda mean...”
“I guess that’s another reason for me to live,” Uzi said with a soft laugh, “Because now you’ve got me interested in these people you’ve never mentioned before.”
“W-wait, so you’re really-?”
“Alright, I admit it, you’ve twisted my arm.” Uzi rolled her eyes with a smile. “I want to live.”
“Nice.” Thank goodness…
The dance was slow at first, a medium pace as the two got used to it. Uzi’s quick movements and changes of position allowed her to keep up with N’s longer strides and wider movements, and as the song rose and fell through verses and choruses, N found himself moving without thinking, and it was almost like the two had been doing this all their lives, Uzi’s quick motions and his own blending together into a seamless sequence of movement.
Please… N thought, helping Uzi hop up onto one of the tables, their movements allowing her to hop from surface to surface in coordinated, well-poised twirls. Please…
She was smiling, her bangs briefly moving to reveal the golden eye again, a reminder of what N was down here to do. He would have to deal with Tessa, she would not agree to his own goal so easily, but for now, he was with Uzi, and she was happy, briefly distracted from the looming challenge ahead, laughing and smiling in a way N had never heard or seen before but so desperately wanted to see again and again.
Please, if there is some benevolent anti-AbsoluteSolver out there… or literally any nice entity who doesn’t want to destroy planets and the entire universe, please…
She jumped into his arms and the warmth of her body against his was bittersweet, and N let her stay close to him, not wanting to let go lest something else happen to threaten this moment. Part of him almost wanted to cry with each reminder, but seeing Uzi’s smiling face helped beat back the pressure in his throat as the song and the movement drowned out the horrid world.
It was only three minutes and twenty-two seconds, but as far as N was concerned, it was three minutes and twenty-two that he would cherish even if the universe did end up ending and taking the both of them down with it. He didn’t know if things would work out, if they would catch up to Doll and change Tessa’s mind, and he was sure that if V and J saw him now they would shout at him and call him an idiot, but N wanted to grant this one final wish should things not work out. Uzi deserved that much, at least.
Please let us stay like this. Don’t take anything else away. Let V survive. Let Tessa hear me out. Let there be something that can help us all.
Let me help Uzi.
Let things be okay.
The song eventually ended, and the two took their leave, following the hallway towards the labs that would make or break N’s promise, but when Uzi’s fingers laced with his, N found that he didn’t feel as nervous as he had before. He tightened his grip, giving her a gentle squeeze of reassurance.
Please, whatever benevolent force is willing to hear me out, let us be okay.
Picking up the pace, the two traveled deeper into the underground maze, not knowing what they would find but knowing that through thick and thin, they would have each other, and that was more than okay with N.