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Chapter Text

Somebody hit the brakes of their car with such ferocity and utter disregard for safety and traffic regulations that every person in the coffee shop could perfectly hear the sounds they made. Nina raised her head to look up from the order she was preparing and she wasn’t surprised at all by what she saw through the big and perfectly clean windows of her shop. A tad annoyed though. The morning rush was still in full motion, distraction in from of a flamboyant troublemaker who also happened to be a demon. Nina wasn’t 100 percent sure about the accuracy of her terminology, but that was what she had labelled him in her head.

While she was still bemoaning the potential loss of peace and quiet Crowley had already slammed the door of his Bentley shut and sauntered towards the entrance of her shop. Seconds later that door also was slammed shut and Crowley made his way to the counter. For some reason that Nina didn’t question, everybody else who had been part of the line just now suddenly backed away as if they had simply forgotten that they were here to get some coffee. Despite her knowledge that it wouldn’t amount to much she glared at him for ruining the blissful and so normal morning routine. As usual he didn’t take any notice of that or he simply didn’t care.

Leaning against the counter he barely even looked at her. A fact that was made even worse by those ridiculous sunglasses. “Six shots of espresso. You know the drill.”

“Good morning to you too. I would ask you how you’re doing but I assume it’s pretty obvious.” Despite knowing better Nina wouldn’t let his brazen appearances just go by like that.

As always Crowley was unfazed. “In need of caffeine. You are the caffeine provider. Provide me. Six shots straight and I’ll be out of your hair.”

Swallowing the sigh and the mean comment that longed to crawl out of her Nina quickly took care of his order. “Just don’t cause a brawl this time, thank you very much. I am not going to have the chairs replaced again.”

Crowley didn’t bother to answer; he merely snarled and drank his mixture of six espressos in three gulps before dropping some notes on the counter and stalking right back out the door. Slammed shut again and the other customers now felt it was safe to resume their original spot in the line. Instead of servicing the one right in front of her Nina let her eyes follow the tall and scrawny man who was approaching his car with large steps. On his ridiculously short way there he bumped shoulders with two different men because he acted as if the sidewalk was his sole property.

Nina had a very good idea of what was going to happen now and her silent prayer did nothing to prevent it. Neither of the man went after Crowley to complain or demand an apology, no they instead let loose at each other with their fists. As Nina reached for her phone to inform the police that another mass brawl had broken out in her street, she heard the squeaking tyres of a Bentley that was racing off.

***

“I hope you are happy with yourself.” Her reproachful glare was completely lost on the demon and to be honest entirely for Nina’s own sake. Clearly he didn’t care about the havoc he was causing or what she had to say about it, but it was a little bit of therapy for herself to call him out on his shit. Even now when she poured his six espressos into a cup with obvious disdain, Crowley didn’t move a muscle in his face.

“The fight that you caused. Somebody smashed a window of Mr. Fell’s shop with a brick. Heaven knows where he got it from.”

Crowley halted mid-motion for a second, then brought the cup to his mouth and emptied it as quickly as he always did. “It’s not Mr. Fell’s shop anymore, is it?” He grumbled and turned around on his heels.

There were no flying fists this time although Nina would argue that a whole coffee shop moaning and wailing about how all of their phones had suddenly stopped working was even worse. The door was slammed shut and Nina saw thin columns of smoke rising from where Crowley’s shoes touched the sidewalk. These demonic visits really put her own break-up into perspective.

***

It was a Tuesday morning when the stars seemed to align in Nina’s favour. She woke up in a good mood, found a sweet text from Maggie on her phone, the sun was shining and traffic wasn’t half as bad as one should expect from London. When she placed the newspapers on a few tables of the coffee shop the headlines weren’t depressing or evoked the urge to drive to Devon and jump off the cliffs. Evidently the peace talks in the Middle East were moving forward way better than anybody could have expected and the government of the UK was pleased to announce that the quality of tab water in all of London had significantly improved. Yes, those two events obviously weren’t on the same level, but it was still good news all around.

Nina had been in such high spirits that she even engaged in some small talk when a man in his mid thirties felt the need to start chatting and told her that he had just moved here and was going to be around a lot now. He appeared to be genuinely nice and more regulars meant more money. No, there was nothing happening on this Tuesday that seemed to even be potentially able to put her in a bad mood.

Therefore Nina only waited for Crowley to show up and ruin it for her. He didn’t stick to a schedule and it happened that he didn’t come here for an entire week, but what were the chances that this Tuesday would remain absolutely trouble free.

It was twenty minutes past nine when he waltzed in, of course. The new regular, Alan, was still standing at the counter and instinctively moved to the side when Crowley strolled in. Maybe a little slower than he usually did. No, Nina wouldn’t even give him the opportunity to rain on her and everybody else’s parade. She would get him out of here as fast as possible. Best to not even let him talk.

“Six shots of espresso coming right up.”

Propping himself up on the counter on both elbows Crowley shook his head. “Nah. It’s a slow morning. That will only be four shots. I’ll drink them over there.” He pointed at an occupied table on the other end of the room where two young women were gossiping over their lattes. At least they had been because they suddenly got up and appeared to be content to drink next to the window. Without any further ado Crowley slumped down at the newly free table and Nina allowed herself to stare for a moment.

That was new. As long as there was no chaos, bloodshed or screaming she was not going to complain. She didn’t miss Alan’s curious gaze while she was preparing the cup with only a modest four espressos in it. Ultimately he shrugged and left before Nina had even brought Crowley his order. She remained there, standing next to his table for a moment, waiting for him to say something or for all hell to break loose. Honestly, the roof of the coffee shop just coming down was pretty high on her list of possible outcomes. Nothing of the sort happened though. Crowley tapped the fingers of one hand against the table top, the other one was holding his cup.

Him just sitting there and not doing anything was quite unsettling and Nina eventually slowly backed up, not turning her back to him. Business continued as usual except for the fact that there was a demon sitting a table, looking out the window when he hadn’t spent more than one minute at a time in this shop during the last two months. Nina felt the distinct urge to run up to him, shake him and scream right into his face ‘What are you doing here?’. It was common sense and survival instinct that kept her from doing it.

Fifteen minutes passed and Nina developed goose bumps whenever there was the faintest of unexpected noises. She felt like somebody was standing right behind her with a gun pointed at the back of her neck. After another five minutes she couldn’t bare it anymore and walked right back to Crowley’s table. “Okay. Spill. What are you up to? Because you just sitting here puts me on edge and it has been such a good day. I really do not need this.”

Crowley didn’t have the decency to look at her. His eyes, hidden behind the sunglasses, still fixed on the window. “Just keep ignoring me. I didn’t ask for your attention.”

“Yes, you are when you are sitting here and all I can do is wait until disaster strikes again.”

Still not looking at her he pulled a face. As if it was he who had a right to be irritated. “Disaster? What bloody kind of disaster? You’ve looked outside recently? Everything’s bloody marvellous!”

Granted, it was her fault for even trying to talk to him. Every time he came here an almost visible cloud of misery and ire was hoovering right over his head. Rather silly to engage with such a person. Although she didn’t know any details Nina had a good idea of what was the origin of that cloud. One didn’t need to be a genius to put two and two together. Not when it had been also about two months since Mr. Fell had given up his bookshop. Without saying goodbye. That in itself didn’t bother Nina very much. They hadn’t been particularly close and well, considering the fact that Mr. Fell probably was indeed an actual angel, he had definitely bigger things on his plate. Nina most definitely wouldn’t have bothered to say goodbye, but Mr. Fell was a much nicer person than her. Downright lovely. Almost to the point of it being a bother.

Anyway, he was gone and his sort-of, would-be, would have been partner was still here causing rows between strangers in public, a collapse of the phone network and Nina was fairly sure that the new potholes in the street also had to do with him. Yes, she had a good idea of what was going on and…

“There you are!”

To her great embarrassment Nina actually jumped when Crowley growled. Loudly, without a single care about the other people around.

“You snooping little pest! I knew it!”

Nina looked in the same direction as him and spotted that lovely but admittedly curious woman that had taken over Mr. Fell’s bookshop. Still dressed in an absolutely bizarre way. As though that wasn’t enough she held a little notepad and pencil in her hand reminding her of the stereotype of a reporter. From 50 years ago maybe. Moreover she was very unsubtly peeping through Nina’s windows.

“Oh, you’re not going to like that.” Crowley’s snarl sounded much more unsettling than any other sound he had previously made. Such a low threatening note that struck Nina in her bones. Sure, Crowley’s self-assured and almost otherworldly behaviour as well as his mean grin could be intimidating, but he had never seemed actually dangerous. Not until now. There was an urgent need to say something. To tell him that he shouldn’t. Whatever he was about to…

One of the gossiping women let out a shriek and Nina heard that before the explosion itself. She didn’t know how that could be possible. There was a flash before her eyes. Torn off limbs, screaming, blood, rubble, destruction. Thankfully it was none of that. Thankfully it was merely a fire hydrant that had been catapulted into the air by an invisible force (Crowley) and had crashed down right into the middle of the street. One more pothole. Since that wasn’t enough, a fountain of water was shooting right into the air and most of what came back down landed on the poor successor of Mr. Fell.

Completely drenched she stood there seemingly in shock, then life came back into her and she ran off towards the bookstore.

“Hope that will teach you.” Crowley put his cup on the table and Nina saw some remains of his coffee in there. Bubbling, boiling.

“Did you just…”

Why was she even talking, he got up and stalked out of the room as he always did. At least she didn’t have to call the fire brigade this time. Lots of other people beat her to it.

***

“What is it today? Four or Six? Seven? Ten? Some dynamite to chew on?” Just before he had walked in Nina had considered giving him a real heart to heart. Talk about your feelings instead of blowing up fire hydrants and being the terror of Soho. One glance at him though let her know there was no point. Also, the three people who had walked past his Bentley had all tripped and were struggling back up to their feet. Notwithstanding the flaming footprints on the concrete.

“Five. I’m feeling rather odd today and I thought it’d be a fitting number.” He let the b in number pop and that was an utterly joyless sound. “I will be at my table.”

So that was going to be a thing now. Contemplating her life choices Nina started to prepare his order when the new regular demanded her attention. Christ, she had forgotten that Alan was sitting at the counter. Right now he was nosily prying at what she was doing. “That’s some inside joke, isn’t it?” He smiled a little awkwardly with a hint of sheepishness. Not sheepish enough not to be prying though. “He’s not really drinking five espresso in one go, isn’t he?”

“I suppose some people like having smoke come out of their ears.” Honestly she didn’t have the nerve to give him a better answer when she had a demon to deal with.

As she put down the mug filled with pure caffeine Nina decided that she had to draw a line somewhere. She had pretty much let him walk all over her for the last two months. To blame was a strange mix of pity and fear. Hard to tell which emotion was going to gain the upper hand. Nevertheless something needed to be said. “You can stop by and have your deadly mix of caffeine any time, but there have to be some boundaries. Stop making a mess.”

Nina almost drew in a quick breath when he had for once the decency to actually look at her. With those sunglasses on that left her wonder what colour his eyes were. Probably something weird like red or pitch black. That thought almost made her want to recoil.

“I am not the one making a mess.”

“Last week the city literally had to repair the street after you were done with it.”

Unimpressed Crowley answered with a dismissive wave. “I was defending my privacy.”

“Defend whatever you like, but don’t scare my customers. Leave them alone. In here you can drink coffee and read the newspapers. Lately that’s not a horrid nightmare. Here.” She tossed one of the newspapers right at him and was rather disappointed that he caught it with ease. “Apparently some billionaire found God and will put half of his money into cancer research.”

Crowley gritted his teeth. “Fine.”

Nina returned to the counter on the wings of her small victory. Alan was still standing there, having watched her interaction with the demon. Said demon spent another hour at the shop, reading the entire newspaper, then he eventually left without a trail of destruction behind him.

***

Peace and quiet remained for another week because Crowley didn’t decide to spontaneously drop by. That still left plenty of normal and very annoying customers for Nina to deal with. Among them her second new regular who had let his eyes travel around the entire shop the second he had walked in. He ordered his usual and began to shift from one foot to the other. “So… Mr. Six espresso in a mug… does he come here often?”

Nina froze, blinked, went over those words in her head again and studied Alan’s face. No, first impression was correct. Horses, not zebras. An idiot who had no idea what he was talking about. Putting the cup in her hand away Nina leaned over the counter as if they were going to talk about some conspiracy. The murder of a king, the poisoning of a well. Actually it was just possibly life saving advice.

“Do not even think about it.”

Chapter Text

Taking into account some of the more recent developments in her life Maggie wouldn’t rush into labelling an event as odd. If she were to put them into order, from slightly peculiar to reality shattering, that particular Thursday morning probably wouldn’t even make it on the list. However, Mr. Fell’s grumpy partner was the protagonist, so Maggie couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than what one could easily spot at first sight.

Rain had been pouring down on London during the last ten hours and only with the first rays of sunlight the dark grey clouds had taken mercy on the city. The air outside was fresh but almost uncomfortably damp and Maggie was glad when she could slip inside her cosy warm shop. Getting here had been an almost adventurous jumping exercise between puddles of murky water. She slipped off her coat and was about to store it behind the counter when she spotted the first signs of something strange this morning.

That sweet person who had taken over Mr. Fell’s store, Maggie thought their name was Muriel, was moving around on the street. To Maggie it looked like they were playing hide and seek with a very small child. Meaning that they were very obviously sneaking around for everybody to see. Maggie thought it would be appropriate to scratch her head while she watched Muriel hastily crouch down behind one of the chairs of a still closed restaurant. A chair that maybe hid five percent of their small body.

Maggie had been ready to shrug it off when a familiar black Bentley shot down the road and came to an abrupt halt right in front of Nina’s coffee shop. Oh dear. The driver couldn’t have been using a seatbelt, he got out of the car way too fast. Crowley looked as sullen as ever and Maggie didn’t miss how Muriel shrank down a little more in their obvious hiding spot. They were lucky enough that Crowley didn’t even glance in their direction. He did that flashy walk of his and headed for the entrance of the coffee shop. Or that seemed to be his intent, he didn’t get further than two of his large steps, because his feet ended up right in the middle of quite a big puddle. A puddle he had to have seen.

Any normal person… a person who didn’t wear dark sunglasses on a rainy day, a person who didn’t sometimes have smoke shooting out of their ears, a person who didn’t control the weather, such a person would have immediately jumped out of the puddle. Especially when they were wearing shoes as expensive looking.

Yet Crowley was just standing there. First he looked down at his feet and then let his head drop back, staring right up into the sky. His shouting was so loud and unrestrainedly angry that Maggie could make out every word.

“Are you bloody joking now?!”

Well, Maggie supposed that nobody liked to get their feet wet. She had barely finished that train of thought when Crowley had already disappeared in Nina’s shop. Muriel came back up from behind the chair, scribbling something down on a little notepad.

No, nothing worthy enough to be noted in the Top Ten of strange events.

***

Nina couldn’t name a lot of things that were further from being linked to her character than sentimentality or philosophic ramblings. However, circumstances had pushed her into a position where she found herself pondering about the strange nature of the concept of hope. How it could lift you up with such fierce force that you were pretty much soaring and then it took nothing more than the fraction of a second to completely obliterate it. That shouldn’t be possible. Something that had been proven to be so powerful simply couldn’t be as fickle as a snowflake at the same time.

Yet again this very weird comparison made enough sense since only a week ago she had thought that maybe, just maybe normalcy was coming back into her life. Tiptoeing in there with cautious steps. Nina would have welcomed it with open arms. Life couldn’t be this easy though, could it? Not when demonic forces were involved.

Anyway, Crowley entered the shop and crushed hope with the heel of his shoe. Crushed it with such efficiency that only dust remained. Nina wasn’t going to start to imagine what an average day in the life – existence – of a demon looked like. Taking in the sight of him she mused that it couldn’t have been any other day. Rather sad, the clock revealed it was only eight thirty.

All the muscles in his face were gaunt and tensed almost as if he was making a physical effort to stop something from underneath from breaking through the surface. His snarl revealed his teeth which were tightly pressed together. This time there was no smoke rising from his skin and it wasn’t enough to reassure Nina. It definitely appeared to be a six espressos kind of day.

Nina almost had his order ready before he even reached the counter. Crowley didn’t say anything, probably because he was too busy gritting his teeth. His hand was curled around the edge of the counter and Nina didn’t miss that his knuckles were standing out. Almost obscenely white, trying to burst through his skin. She should know better but she didn’t.

“Something happened?”

A part of her expected that whatever was raging inside of him to come out through his mouth and to go straight for her throat. Whatever it was, it had to have claws.

All that came out was his low growl. “I stepped in a puddle.”

That most definitely wasn’t what Nina had expected. At least that was something that everybody could get upset about. Without celestial or hellish influence. Perhaps it was time to use a different approach. “That can get somebody in the mood. Nothing worse than wet feet.”

He let go of the counter and curled his fingers into a fist. “I wish.”

Words could cut like a knife after all. Just two of them. Nina handed him is mug and watched him closely while Crowley scuffled to his table. She held her breath for longer than what seemed humanly possible, but the demon didn’t turn the floor into actual lava or summoned the forces of hell. The only unpleasant thing that occurred during his time in the shop was a very loud fight between a couple. Which ended with the woman emptying her coffee cup over the man’s head. Crowley didn’t even have to be responsible for that. He definitely was though.

After he had gone an alarm popped up on her mobile that London had been swooped up in complete traffic chaos. All the traffic lights had stopped working. All of them. It did have to be nice to be able to unleash one’s anger at everything and everyone without consequences for one’s self. She was in luck though because she was going to be stuck in the shop anyway for the entire day. Who would have thought that a national news headline wasn’t the last thing related to Crowley she had to deal with. Granted, a visit from Mr. Fell’s successor was on a whole different level. A little blip on the radar, odd but in no way unsettling or scary.

Muriel, Maggie had been kind enough to let Nina know about their name, stuck out like a sore thumb. It should have been progress that they weren’t dressed like a constable anymore, however there was nothing to disguise or cover up their inherit awkwardness. They reminded Nina of a child who had lost their parents in a big toy store. At the beginning everything was almost beautifully perfect, but an ugly panic was always mere seconds away. Nina was fascinated that a smile could be equally nervous and cheerful. Sometimes Mr. Fell had acted a bit similar although he had been way better adjusted to… Life in general.

“Hello, hello, hello.” Muriel beamed at her as they approached the counter.

“Good morning. Usually one hello is enough.” Nina thought that she had said that in a warm and kind manner and was surprised to see that Muriel’s face fell. It felt a lot like kicking a puppy. Fortunately Muriel quickly recovered and that eager smile was back. Cheerful, nervous and now Nina was going to add forced to the list. It gave her the impression that Muriel wouldn’t know what to do with their face if they weren’t smiling. Which was saddening.

“Oh. Alright. Hello then. Only once.” A second passed. Another one and she was simply looking at Nina which made her realise it was up to her to keep this potential conversation going. It bordered on aggravating and Nina would have sighed or said something mean if she hadn’t learned something about the gift of patience while dealing with Crowley. “So what can I do for you?”

Evidently encouraged Muriel nodded and that smile grew a little bigger. “Yes. Of course. I am here in your establishment to purchase a…” Short hesitation. Eyes were darting around unsurely. “… a coffee. The purchase of a coffee. That is why I am here.”

Nina knew with absolute certainty that Muriel had no clue what a coffee was. Not what it was made of or what effects caffeine had. Or that ordering a coffee could become the most complex undertaking in the world. She decided against saying any of that and began to prepare a Cappuccino to ease them into the concept. It was a long way to go until one reached ‘Six espresso in a mug’ status.

“Coming right up. So how have you been settling in? Taking over the bookshop and everything.”

“Just marvellous. Books are a lot like people. Did you know?”

Crowley had used that same word not long ago. Marvellous. When Muriel it said, it sounded almost dreamy. The demon treated it like a foreign object that he needed to get out of his throat before it would end up chocking him.

“That’s nice to hear.” For Nina that was the end of the conversation as she placed a cup in front of Muriel. “Would you mind answering some questions? I am obligated to make some enquiries. As a bookshop owner. It’s part of the job.”

No, Nina wasn’t going to ask where that notepad and pencil had suddenly come from. She wasn’t going to question any of this, hoping that she wouldn’t get pulled into this. Whatever it was. “If you can make it quick. If someone comes in I have to take care of them.”

Muriel nodded eagerly, utterly pleased. “Great! First question. Bookshop related.” They cleared their throat and tapped her pencil against the notepad, holding it awfully close to her chest. “What kind of books do you like to read?”

“I was never a big reader and I haven’t picked one up since the invention of podcasts.”

“Right.” Another nod but no smile this time. “Podcasts.”

Nina would bet her life savings, the coffee shop and the crown jewels that Muriel had just heard that word for the first time in their life. No questions were asked though. The body language was speaking volumes as they made themselves smaller, glancing shyly over the notepad. “And the demon going by the name Crowley… What books does he like? Or podcasts.”

When had been the last time she had felt so dumbfounded? They could have just asked her about the meaning of life. Or where half of all the socks went after they had been put in the washing machine. “I genuinely have no idea. He doesn’t strike me as the book reading type of guy. I’ve seen him read The Guardian though.”

“The Guardian. Right.” Muriel leaned forward, clearly expecting Nina to add something. Christ. “The newspaper.”

Muriel made an ‘Ahh’ sound and it would be up to somebody else to explain the concept of journalism to them. “Is that it?”

“Yes. Absolutely. Perfectly done. Marvellous.”

Good, because Nina could only stomach so much of…

“Except for something else.” A somewhat pleading look on their face and Nina went over the cost of moving the coffee shop. Not an option. Muriel came a little closer until they were pressed against the counter, voice dropping a little bit to ask that one more important question. “The demon Crowley. How is he doing?”

Nina felt it was only fair to take a moment to let that sink in. It would be absolutely fair to answer with a firework of questions in her own right. Why was Muriel asking this? Why were they asking Nina? What did Nina have to do with all this? Why would she care? When had madness entered her life? Why wasn’t she lying on a beach in the Caribbean? Ultimately Nina only went for a single one. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Well. He has been coming here to… consume coffee.”

Tomorrow Nina was going to put a ‘Only Humans Allowed’ sign in her window. “Exactly. He is coming here for coffee, not for a little chat. I have never asked him how he is doing.”

Which didn’t mean that she wasn’t aware how he was doing. Like it wasn’t fucking obvious. That man… demon was oozing anger, grief and contempt for seemingly everything around him. They had to be aware of that. Right?

Muriel gave no indication. Another nod and scribbling down on her notepad. “No chats. Just coffee. One more, please.” They opened their mouth and didn’t say a word. Another awkward smile. “I am not quite sure, but I wrote it down.”

Nina openly sighed, her patience running out while Muriel was studying her notepad. “Ah! There it is.” She read out the next question and Nina thought that she was going to lose her mind. “The demon Crowley – does he smile? Sometimes?”

“This is a joke, right?” Nina’s eyes bore into them and the pure innocence in Muriel’s eyes let her doubt that somebody had explained the concept of a joke to them. “I don’t think he even knows what a smile is.”

“Oh, he knows!” Muriel blurted out. “I have seen him do it. Like this.” A very strange attempt at a grin and by now Nina was just feeling tired. “Yes. He doesn’t do that anymore. No, he doesn’t smile.”

Looking dejected Muriel once more scribbled something down on that notepad.

***

“Thanks, I will take care of this. You already have enough on your hands.” Alan flashed her smile filled with boyish charm that he hadn’t known him capable of. He was reaching for the mug on the counter. One filled with six espressos. It was Nina’s new number one rule to not get tangled up in other people’s business. Least of all their love lives. Doing nothing now though would be non-assistance of a person in danger. Perhaps she would even be legally liable for it.

Hastily and not at all gently she grabbed Alan’s wrist. “Don’t. You are not a waiter.”

Alan looked back over his shoulder to glance at Crowley who was sitting at his table, reading The Times. When he turned back to Nina there was a bit of a twinkle in his eyes. “Don’t worry, I am only going to serve that one coffee.”

Like a child playing with matches. Next to a gas leak.

“Listen, I usually go around only minding my own business, but this is a horrible idea. That… man over there is a tremendously bad idea.”

“Are you trying to make him less interesting? Because it certainly isn’t working.”

That idiot even winked at her before walking over to the table where an actual demon was sitting. It didn’t matter that there were other customers waiting for their coffee, Nina’s eyes were glued to a potential massacre in the making. What was a demon who had recently been rejected by an angel going to do when a normal man was going to hit on him?

Alan said something, placed the mug on the table and Crowley slightly lowered the newspaper to look at him. Uninterested. He replied, one of his eyebrows was arched. Alan smiled. More words were exchanged. Crowley hid his face behind the newspaper again, Alan walked back to the counter and Nina remembered how to get oxygen into her lungs. “What happened?”

“I asked about the six espressos and the sunglasses. He sent me on my way. In a rather rude and unpleasant manner.”

“Oh, thank god.” Relief overcame Nina a bit too soon because the look on Alan’s face didn’t show the appropriate reaction. “Nice is boring anyways.”

Nina should give herself her raise simply for having to deal with this.

Chapter Text

The Supreme Archangel of Heaven now had a desk. Because for any job that was to be done with efficiency a desk had to be involved somewhere in the process. Even if the diligent worker only afterwards sat down, propped up his elbows and deeply thought about whatever he had just achieved. The desk was a necessity. Its main function wasn’t for the Supreme Archangel to sit there and ponder. No, it was constantly covered in files that demanded intense scrutiny and studying. Piles that would rival the Tower Of Babel if there weren’t celestial powers in place to compartmentalise. Today’s agenda was pollution, smog and its effects on South East Asia.

Or it would be. For now the desk had been cleared. There was only one single piece of paper lying on the spotless white surface. It was wrinkled in certain places, indicating that it had got wet during its time on Earth. Aziraphale slowly traced the edges of the sheet and straightened his back before letting his eyes run over the lines written down on the paper. He read them with the same absolute attention that he dedicated to the files. Except when they were spread out in front of him he didn’t feel the weight on his chest with the same intensity. It was a permanent presence, but in these moments it appeared to be pressing down. Eager to crush bones so the splints could cause even more damage inside.

The demon Crowley is grumpy and yells at the sky.

The demon Crowley purchases and consumes coffee in the shop opposite the bookshop.

Not just coffee. Six espressos in one mug. Five if it was an odd day.

The demon Crowley does not read books but the newspaper.

The demon Crowley does not talk about how he is feeling.

One of the splints was moving. Piercing. Aziraphale noticed that his thumb was rubbing softly over the last words of this line and quickly stopped himself. He placed his hand next to the paper and willed it to stay there. He understood the context of this statement and knew that it was true. Regardless it felt like a vile lie. Because Aziraphale had heard Crowley talk about his feelings. Had seen the toil it had taken. The splint was digging deeper.

The demon Crowley does not smile. Maybe he does not know how to do it anymore.

Aziraphale didn’t want to look at the paper any longer and instinctively reached for the cup of hot chocolate that was supposed to be there on his desk. Except that it wasn’t. It never was. Taking a deep, unnecessary breath, Aziraphale put his thoughts in order before going back to work. Doing what an angel was supposed to do – making things better. Hopefully even good.

Good. Aziraphale knew that this wasn’t in the cards. Not for a while, but he had to try nonetheless. Small things. Everyday occurrences which didn’t cause an actual smile, just the slight curl of lips. Or a slightly tilted head and an appreciative wheeze. A sound that Aziraphale had almost tremendously enjoyed.

It took a small twist of his hand to make the paper disappear and another one to send a signal to summon a new guardian angel. Aziraphale was still astonished that whenever he had a request, it took mere seconds to be fulfilled. Administrative matters. The guardian angel dazzled into existence in front of him, clad in lithe blue robes that he seemed to float in. His head was crowned by golden buckles and Aziraphale wondered if he had modelled for a renaissance painter. The specimen in front of him was exactly what humans imagined angels to look like. If that meant that he had lots of experience – even better.

Standing up Aziraphale smiled at the guardian angel. The same way he would smile at anybody who he met for the first time. “Hello there. How are you today?”

“I am doing perfectly fine, Supreme Archangel.”

Of course, they were all doing perfectly fine. Aziraphale remembered a time when he had always been perfectly fine. No. Better than that. Not so long ago. To clear himself of that thought Aziraphale shook his head. “Now that is nice to hear. I have summoned you because I am in need of a service of the utmost importance. I hope you can help me with that. Oh, I am so sorry. I got carried away. What’s your name?”

“Adriel.”

Aziraphale didn’t get anything else but that was due to the fact that guardian angels were the worst conversationalist imaginable. Even when you tried to encourage them with a smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Adriel merely nodded. “What is my task, Supreme Archangel?”

Strictly down to business, alright. The sooner Aziraphale felt less pressure on his chest the better. He might be able to work better then, feel better. There wasn’t much hope. Aziraphale liked to fool himself to believe that only a certain pair of hands could lift it. “Alright. It’s not actually a new assignment. It’s something I need reinforcements for. I need you to watch over the demon Crowley.”

It’s not the deer in headlights look that Aziraphale had received the first time he had suggested (demanded) this from a guardian angel. Adriel is a lot more subtle and somewhat exalted. His eyebrows did go up though. For some angels that was a downright obscene display of emotion. Needless to say Aziraphale was not one of them.

He thought of drawn out syllables, an exaggerated high-pitched pronounciation and dramatic hand gestures. Of how much he missed them.

No, not now.

“Any questions?”

“It’s not my place to question the will of the Supreme Archangel.”

“Oh no. I didn’t mean. Questions in general. To understand better or to avoid misunderstandings.” Aziraphale gave him his most encouraging smile. “I am also open to suggestions. I have a box, actually. For suggestions.”

Adriel gave an ever so small nod. “I have heard.” Something was left unsaid and Aziraphale was perfectly aware of what that was. The guardian angel had heard about the suggestion box and either didn’t believe it was real or wondered what the stupid point of it was. That was another weight on him. Incomparable to the one on his chest. A constant annoyance maybe. The knowledge that there was still so much to do and change in Heaven. “Anything you want to ask? Go on. Questions are welcomed.”

The muscles around Adriel’s mouth were working, putting his discomfort on display. Aziraphale assumed he was trying to find out if he could actually voice what was going on in his head or if it was going to backfire. Which was already quite a lot for a guardian angel. Or any angel. “Don’t be shy.”

“I was…” Despite a short hesitation Adriel continued and Aziraphale counted that as a win. “I was under the impression that two other guardian angels were already assigned to…” He cleared his throat. “… the demon Crowley.”

“That is correct.” Aziraphale nodded. “I do think though that one more would be better.” Or three. Perhaps even four.

Adriel did the thing with his eyebrow again and Aziraphale explained. “Well, I can’t have you work all the time without a well-deserved break, can I?”

The guardian angel blinked in response to Aziraphale voicing such a strange concept. Better to continue. “Take a break every couple of hours, one of your colleagues will take over and eventually you will come back to work well rested and in proper condition to fulfil your duties.”

“Guarding the demon.” Adriel stated with underlying scepticism in his voice and despite trying to be the Supreme Archangel that he wanted and needed to be for all of these innocent angel who just didn’t know better yet, there was only so far a way that Aziraphale was able to go. Especially when a certain demon was concerned.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, but Aziraphale’s face hardened a little bit, he straightened his back and came a step closer to emphasise that this wasn’t a quirk. Not a bet. Not a test. This was a serious as Aziraphale ever could be. “Yes, guarding the demon Crowley.”

Adriel lowered his eyes if only for a second. It didn’t matter for how long, Aziraphale felt a strange sensation in his gut nonetheless. He wasn’t used to other angels not being able to stand his gaze. Had there actually ever been anyone who had actively tried to evade his eyes?

Yes, there had been. Turning his head away from him. Speaking with a crack in his voice.

The splint went deeper. Somewhere it didn’t belong and it hurt.

Aziraphale forced a smile. On behalf of Adriel and mostly for himself. “The others will inform you about the details, but in general… just make sure that things just fall into place. Quite literally. It would be wonderful if you could stop things from falling altogether but if they do… they shouldn’t break. He is going through a hard time and it would mean a great deal if there were no more nuisances to upset or annoy him. Like being unable to find parking. Misplacing one’s keys. Somebody spilling their drink on you. Getting your shoes wet. Things that can ruin one’s day. Or make a bad day worse.” Aziraphale paused to wrestle down the shame and guilt he was feeling. He wasn’t very good at it. “That is it, really. Except for the usual duties of any guardian angel, of course.”

Hearing the last part Adriel ever so slightly pursed his lips and Aziraphale didn’t shouldn’t already be running out of patience. The day (London time, he always calculated in London time) had barely started and he still had to the wade the smog and pollution of an entire sub-continent. Regardless, this here wasn’t the area where he was going to risk misunderstandings or sloppiness. “Just ask what you want to ask. Please!”

He sounded a bit whiny and there was no scoff to display annoyance because of it. How could that splint still go deeper? Or were there hundreds of them and Aziraphale was unable to tell anymore.

When the other guardian angels before him had remained silent Adriel indeed spoke up and Aziraphale was as relieved as he was surprised. “I think I understood the assignment, Supreme Archangel. All the same I am wondering, regarding my lack of experience guarding a…” He cleared his throat. “If the demon were to engage in undertakings of demonic or hellish nature that could endanger humans, innocent bystanders… Should my efforts still be devoted to protecting the…” Another pause. “Demon.”

“That is not going to happen. Crowley might dabble in mischief and wickedness, but he is not going to hurt anyone. Moreover he doesn’t like any other demons.”

The soft wrinkles on Adriel’s forehead showed that he wasn’t convinced. Despite that he didn’t press the issue and brought up another point. “What if there is altercation with other demons?”

The smile that Aziraphale had fought to sustain became a very distant memory. “Then you get me. No matter the time, no matter the circumstances. You get me. Instantly.”

Adriel nodded to make clear that he had understood. Aziraphale told him to inform the other guardian angels and then sent him on his way. Sitting back down at his desk and it was empty. The room silent. He went back to work.

***

“Damn it! Shit! I am sorry.” Nina wasn’t really sure how that had happened. Something on the floor that had made her trip ever so slightly or maybe she was completely off her game once again. That wasn’t a rare occurrence for her lately. And of course it had to happen at the demon’s table. The mug had slipped from her hand, landed on the table and the black, hot liquid was running across its surface, dangerously close to the edge of the side where Crowley was sitting.

Nina was already picturing him jumping up out of his chair, cursing about coffee stains and burns. Fortunately they were in luck because the puddle of coffee didn’t grow big enough to actually spill over the edge. It came ridiculously close though, forming an almost perfectly straight line.

“I am so sorry.” She shot Crowley a legitimately apologetic glance to find out that the demon didn’t look particularly bothered. As far as she could tell. Bloody sunglasses. One of his eyebrows was slightly raised though. “It’s fine.”

A wink of his hand and the entire mess on the table was gone. Nina wished that such an otherworldly act would have caused her to panic and send her into a frenzy. Because that would have been normal. None of that happened. Yes, it definitely was scary, but she had been locked in a bookshop with a horde of demons trying to get in, so her standards were a little higher. She freaked out a little bit though. “Could you please not do that?! If any other person is going to see this, I’ll soon have no more customers!”

Crowley’s lips formed a flat line before turning into a mean snarl. “Fine.” Suddenly the table was covered in coffee again. There was a good chance that this man was going to make her lose her mind. In the ugliest way.

“Don’t bring it back!”

“Oh, you want me to make it disappear again?”

“No! You’re not supposed to do that all!”

“Excuse me, I am so utterly sorry for dealing with your clumsy mess!” His pattern of speech was needlessly exaggerated, and every single ‘s’ was a sizzle. The very rational part of Nina’s brain reassured her that he was of no danger to her. Despite being grumpy, patronising, dismissive and overall unpleasant, she had witnessed him help innocent people when it hadn’t benefitted him. Why would he mean her any harm now?

Perfectly sane thoughts that stemmed from experience fell quickly silent though when they had to deal with the emotional side. The one that had heard a sound coming from Crowley’s mouth that no human windpipe could produce. A sound filled with resentment and maybe with a wish. The wish to be pushed a little bit too far, to finally have a pretext to snap. That emotional side kept asking the same nagging question – what’s lurking behind the sunglasses? And whatever it was could it devour her if he took them off?

What if Mr. Fell had been the only thing to keep him in check?

Nina had taken a small step back without realising it and instantly scowled herself mentally. Yes, the man right in front of her was a demon and it wouldn’t just be naïve to label him as not dangerous. If he chose to, he could be. Like every man and woman could. Until now Crowley had given her no indication whatsoever that he would choose to go down that path.

Hell, for all Nina knew he was a man whose personality didn’t invite him to see the world in the brightest colours all the time and who was going through some harsh relationship trouble. Didn’t that remind her of someone? Couldn’t she relate? Damn, she knew a thing or two about that sludge. How easy your feet got stuck in it and how hard it was to drag yourself out of it again.

“Okay.” She said, not succeeding entirely when she tried to stop her voice from shaking on that single word. “Just don’t do it again, please. I don’t need the attention and I am sure you don’t need it either.”

She could tell that he was rolling his eyes despite his glasses and that was a relief because it made it easier to believe that he did have eyes. Because that wasn’t enough Crowley let his mouth drop open in a silent sigh of annoyance before letting the word “Fine!” slip through his teeth. They did a number on it though.

Good, one crisis averted. At least for now. Nina returned to the counter and prepared a new caffeine mixture of death before starting her second attempt. Crowley was looking out the window and Nina thought of the sludge and how she was still trying to get out of it herself. Right now, she believed that maybe it had swallowed him whole. “Is this going to be your thing now? Watching the bookshop and hoping that Mr. Fell will come back?”

“I am not watching the bookshop.”

“So, what do you call what you are doing?”

“Glaring with contempt and abhorrence. Hoping it will catch fire if I do it hard enough.”

“Right…” When Nina wasn’t sure if he was joking or dead serious, she chose to ignore it. “Will he come back?”

“Unlikely.”

Nina slid down on the chair opposite of him, and he let her, his covered eyes still fixed on the window. “Why did he leave in the first place? He seemed perfectly happy right where he was and when we suggested that the two of you should talk to each other I thought… I suppose I thought it would be harder for you and he would be enthralled.”

The initial reaction was a scoff and Crowley sank deeper into the chair until he was pretty much slouching, his head resting on the backrest. It looked uncomfortable and definitely not suitable for being in public. “He got a big promotion.” Crowley drew out the ‘i’ in promotion. “A really big one. The one that makes you turn around sod off. Off the bloody planet.” Looking for sadness in those words would be fruitless endeavour. They were thoroughly drenched in anger, sarcasm and bitterness. Nina decided to keep asking would be cruel. Instead, she took a look at the bookshop herself.

***

There was an entire coffeeshop to take care of. Caffeine starved customers always on the edge of a nervous breakdown if their addiction wasn’t satisfied before they had to leave for their job. Evidently Nina couldn’t be blamed if some little detail slipped her attention. Even if that little detail could end up being a demonic curse being placed on an innocent yet daft man.

Crowley had just left the coffeeshop.

Alan had been walking up to the coffeeshop.

Crowley was about to walk past Alan.

Alan stopped him to say something.

Nina screamed internally.

***

“Hi. Uhm. Perhaps this is a little bit forward, but… If we happened to be here at the same time next time, could I invite you to a coffee? Or six shots of espresso?”

“Why?”

“I think you are interesting. Someone I’d like to get to know.”

“Huh. Whatever.”

***

On a particularly lovely Saturday morning (London time) the Supreme Archangel’s desk was again covered in files and folders. A rather considerable amount of them talked about how the mayors of several megacities in Asia had been inspired to immediately tackle the curse that was air pollution which was lingering over their homes. Cooperation was the goal and most of them had already started to reach out to one another. Excellent news all around.

The Supreme Archangel wasn’t beaming due to this success. He hadn’t looked at them yet, he was too busy staring at the single sheet lying in front of him.

Chapter Text

“I am so fucking scared.”

“Don’t be. I am sure it’s fine.”

“Three fucking weeks! How does the idea even cross your mind that it’s fine?”

“I guess I am just trying to stay calm. It certainly doesn’t help if you work yourself up into a panic. I am sure there is a sensible explanation for all of this.”

“The obvious explanation is perfectly sensible! Oh god. This is all my fault.”

“You’re not responsible, okay? And we don’t know if anything happened. At all.”

“You’re right. Bloody time I found out.”

***

Scanning the newspaper Crowley found himself reminded of that cursed 14^Th century. Not because of any particular information that was written in there, but because of his physical reaction to it. A clenching sensation in his guts that lay somewhere between scorching hatred and the disgusting desire to throw up. That very specific state of being was closely linked to those damned 100 years, he had felt like that all the bloody time.

A retching sound almost made it past his lips when he read another one of these jolly feelgood headlines. Such a bloody lot of them lately. Wasn’t it amazing how all the governments in the world suddenly seemed to get their shit together? How absolutely fucking lovely. Just the other day three ministers of different countries in Latin America had been removed from office after they had been caught in scandals involving all different kinds of bribes. Sex, drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll. One simply had to exchange the Rock ‘n’ Roll part for money. The unholy trinity.

“Taking out the rubbish, aren’t you, angel?” Crowley muttered grimly to himself, and his own words sparked something beneath his skin. Made it itch and tingle, ready to burst into flame. Nothing completely new about that, Crowley had been on fire more than one time during his very long existence. This time though he was weary about it. Something in the back of his mind, a very dark spot by the way, told him that it might consume him if he let it happen.

But curse Heaven, Hell and all in between did he want to give into this rage and scream.

Aziraphale was throwing out the rubbish and everything else that he had no need of. Crowley’s hands were getting warm. No, hot. Searing. Tiny collums of smoke were rising from where his thumbs were placed on the newspaper. Growling softly he tried. An almost desperate attempt. Count to 10. Think of something different. Anything. Not the one thing that his entire fucking existence had begun to revolve around.

There were still other things. Smokey scotch from the Highlands. Boiling hot coffee. Spotless plants that were growing perfectly. Bloody ducks.

His hands felt like they were made of fire.

The newspaper was ripped from his scorching fingers and it made him want to rage that it caught him off guard. “Hey, what the…”

Nina was staring down at him, looking like a car accident. That panicked, scared out of her mind look didn’t suit her very well and it mostly confused Crowley. Confusion was not a good look on him. He didn’t like what it did to his brain. Clogging things up and when his thoughts had nowhere to go, they would just run around in circles and he had to deal with the same bloody, scarring mess over and over and over and over again. Confusion was a thing right out of the 14^th century.

“Is he dead?”

Okay, somebody had to have skipped a couple of steps here and since Crowley didn’t do any skipping anymore, it had to have been Nina. “What?”

Her lower lip was shaking and she stared him down or tried to. “Alan! Is he dead? Did you kill him? Please, tell me he is not dead. Or something worse. Like trapped in hell or pierced by a lance. Tell me he’s not dead.”

Crowley frowned and narrowed his eyes because maybe that would help him find some sense in this gibberish. What were the chances that Nina had accidently drunk his espressos? That would at least explain the speed at which the words were pretty much falling out her mouth. Very much unlike her and with, admittedly, quite an astonishing amount of disinterest Crowley said “I have literally no idea what you are talking about.”

Were her eyes going to start twitching? Now that was an odd sight. “Alan! I am talking about Alan.”

She could be talking about an alpaca on a mountain top in Peru for all that Crowley cared and knew. “Who?”

“The sweet guy with rubbish taste in men!”

“You know I am not opposed to a nervous breakdown. Rather fond of them actually. They are great for business. I’ve quit a long time ago, so it’s of no use for me. Could you do it somewhere else?”

One of Nina’s hands was balled into a fist and it was shaking and she evidently forced her voice not to do the same. “Alan. The nice man who you have had coffee with three weeks ago!”

Crowley blinked and while his thoughts were running in huge circles, they never came across that name though. Maybe they were too busy stumbling over the same one over and over again. A loop that he couldn’t break. Crowley did the same as Nina, he formed fists with his hands. In order not to leave burn marks on the table. “Not ringing a bell.”

Nina exhaled shakily. “He’s a regular and a nice man. He had coffee with you three weeks ago and he hasn’t come back since. I want to know what happened to him.”

“Look, I still have no idea what you are talking about. Also, I don’t particular care. You lost a costumer. Ever considered that he doesn’t like your coffee that much?”

“Can you just cut the bullshit and tell me if you did something to him?” There was something desperate about the way she addressed him. “He might have done something to upset you or… said the wrong thing and since you’re still hung up on Mr. Fell… You clicked your fingers or did some other thing and suddenly he is in some other hellish dimension. I just need to know if you did something to him.”

Crowley decided that he did mind nervous breakdowns after all. This entire conversation was immensely irritating to the point where he didn’t even feel like having a coffee anymore. Scotch suddenly sounded way better. Moreover she had mentioned that name. Not his real name, but close enough. “Just for the damned record – I have never sent somebody to any dimension. Wouldn’t even know how to do that. What I do know is that during the last three weeks… Grab a pen and write that down because I will not repeat myself… I didn’t bestow hellfire on anyone, I didn’t dox anybody, I didn’t even graze somebody with my car. I have been way too busy glaring at the bookshop. Got it?”

He showed his teeth for good measure, but managed to get through all of that without sizzling. It surprised himself that he was able to keep it together that well since Crowley was so desperately longing for some peace and quiet. To lean back and get into a state a blissful nothingness where his own thoughts would stop assaulting him. Until now Crowley hadn’t been nowhere near this state, but Nina and her incomprehensible babbling wasn’t helping him to get anywhere close.

This definitely wasn’t the first time that Crowley played the thought of getting into the Bentley and never coming back to this coffee shop again. Or this street in general. Another thing that he hadn’t managed to do just yet.

Nina was still staring at him, unconvinced, however she clearly wanted to believe that he was sincere. Which he was. Purely for the fact that he wanted to be left alone. “You didn’t do anything?”

Nobody had ever uttered a more irritating “No!”

“You still could have said something to upset him and that’s why he hasn’t shown his face in three weeks. Trying to avoid you.”

“I lend more credence to my ‘He doesn’t like your coffee’ theory. Are we done now? I could do with a mug of eight espressos.”

When Crowley looked at Nina he thought it was highly unlikely that he would get his caffeine anytime soon. Perhaps it was time to consider using a miracle on the espresso machine. “You seriously have no idea what happened to him?”

Still going on about this? “No. If I were you I wouldn’t be sure if anything happened at all.”

She slowly nodded, her teeth grazing over her lower lip. “I am worried though.”

“Fantastic. Now can you worry somewhere else? Ah, forget that, I’ll pop off. You go on worrying without me.”

All he wanted was some peace and quiet and not hearing about people who weren’t there anymore. People who you could rely on to be there one day and then they were gone forever. The sooner Nina got used to that idea the better. Because otherwise 6000 years go by and you get slapped in the face by it. Trampled over. Beat up with a bat.

Something wiggled its head. Somewhere between his ribs and the heart that powered his corporal form. It was ugly and vile and Crowley wouldn’t have it because it had nothing to do with the seething anger that fuelled him these days. Espresso and scotch weren’t going to fix that. Not at this stage. They were good at stopping it from sneaking up on him oin the first place and now he was past that.

Peace and quiet. That would be the way to go. To clear his head and get away from nagging coffee shop owners who kept talking about people who weren’t there anymore.

Crowley got up without another glance around and stormed out. He vaguely heard some cups shatter which he was responsible for and definitely didn’t care about. Outside he jumped straight into his Bentley and drove off like he was once again trying to catch up with the apocalypse. There was only one place he could think of that offered peace and quiet. Racing down the streets of Central London Crowley hit the steering wheel two or three times which she clearly didn’t deserve, but Crowley was fighting something down and it was impossible to keep still. Otherwise that thing inside of him would possibly burst through his chest.

Close to St. James’s Park Crowley saw another car pulling into his preferred parking spot and that was just typical. Before he could even think of working a miracle though the driver changed their mind, reversed and continued to drive down the street. It was odd and Crowley believed to feel a soft prickling in the back of his neck. Ever so fleeting that it being imaginative was the most reasonable explanation. Had it not happened before. Crowley gritted his teeth and pulled into the spot.

Although he didn’t have a clue about the exact time of day, it turned out to be a pretty good one because only a very limited amount of people had decided to take a stroll. After several hundreds of years Crowley’s feet had become so familiar with all the paths around St. James’s Park that they automatically carried him to a certain place without him consciously choosing it.

His favourite bench. Honest to Satan, Crowley had a couple that he genuinely liked for the view and closeness to the pond, but with all things in life there was always one that you liked best. People were very keen on pointlessly denying that. Everybody had favourites. Including parents with several kids. Crowley’s favourite bench was occupied by a mother and her two brats, she clearly favoured the older one.

The miracle was lying on his fingertips and it remained there because without any perceptible reason all three of them got up and left. The skin of the back of Crowley’s neck was tingling softly and he was almost thankful for it because it let his anger flame up again and it was scorching. An almost human instinct got the better of him and he turned around albeit knowing that nobody would be behind him. At least nobody that he would be able to see.

“Piss off!” The ‘s’ were full on serpent. He hoped that it would send the message. People would had fucked off should stay away. Make a decision and bloody well stick to it. Also, go to Hell. Heaven. Fucking nowhere. Just away from here.

Crowley slumped down on the bench, legs far apart to make anybody understand that there was no more room available on this bench. Off limits. All for him to watch the ducks. That was something he always could find enjoyment in. Humans would consider that something only old people liked doing, but since Crowley was the oldest living creature on this place he didn’t see a problem with it. Perfectly calming and it allowed him to clear his head. To actually not think for a few moments. There was more to take in than the ducks though. St. James’s Park itself was a fascinating eco-system and not only for all the secret service agents hanging around here.

Today seemed to be a slow one for them. At first glance Crowley could only make out France and Romania. They surely would have enough to talk about to not get bored. There was a woman pacing up and down a bit closer to Crowley’s bench. Dressed to the nines in a fancy skirt suit, talking agitatedly in her phone. Rather loudly, but Crowley couldn’t be upset because of that since she appeared to be tearing her assistant to shreds. That kind of low-key evilness sometimes succeeded in amusing him. Also, the assistant probably deserved it. She was smoking constantly and had already wandered off to a bin three times to properly dispose of the stubs.

That was something Crowley could appreciate. He would ruin anyone’s day who dared to litter in St. James’s Park and ruin just the smallest bit of its appeal. For Crowley that would be a good and a bad deed at the same time. Blurring the edges. Like he had for thousands of years. Suddenly it felt utterly different though.

With a sigh Crowley slouched even more on the bench and contemplated the ducks. How odd that there were things between the sky and the ground that one wouldn’t grow tired of. Something that you could learn everything about and still let you yearning for more. More knowledge, more time to simply look at… it. Them. Ducks.

All ducks have highly waterproof feathers. During breeding season they are monogamous but do not mate for life. They are out going and social. They could live up to 20 years if some idiots weren’t feeding them bread. Their eggs hatch within 28 days. They are omnivorous which means that they eat…

“Pardon. You are aware that you are being watched. Aren’t you?”

Despite not giving anything away with his body language Crowley was so surprised that he could have fallen off the bench. He most definitely hadn’t noticed the woman walking up to him. No longer on the phone, cigarette dangling from her fingers. Crowley didn’t miss that she was holding it at an odd angle, evidently to keep the smoke from blowing in his direction. Surprisingly considerate.

The answer was yes. In the most general sense. Crowley knew that he was being watched, but he hadn’t been aware that it was happening at this very moment. Or in a way that this woman could be aware of.

“Sorry?”

“Because you are. Quite amateurish but nonetheless.” With her head she nodded to the other side of the pond and Crowley obeyed, looking in the indicated direction. His first instinct involved hellfire, then normal fire, then a stone and two seconds later he couldn’t even be bothered to yell ‘Sod off!’. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t seething because he was. Raging to a point where he knew he would ultimately do something about this. Not a chance that he was going to do it here though. Crowley wasn’t going to disturb the ducks.

Both of them watched Muriel trying to sneak from one tree to another to hide behind it. In bright white clothing. With absurdly big steps and binoculars around their neck. The cherry on top of this sundae of ridiculousness was that they were so absolutely oblivious to the fact that they had been noticed. Heaven was such a shit show.

“Yes, they do that.” Crowley growled. It took him an extreme effort not to sizzle. “Not going to take much longer and they turn into furniture around me.”

As expected the woman didn’t seem to be scandalised, rather intrigued. Maybe a bit scandalised by Muriel’s ineptness as a detective. “Would you mind if I have a guess?” She took a drag from her cigarette and turned her head away when she exhaled. Everything about her was perfectly put together and she couldn’t weigh more than 55 kilograms and Crowley scheduled her for a heart attack in the next fifteen years if she didn’t cut down on work. It was work which made her smoke and she worked a lot. Therefore it was surprising that she took the time to engage with him during what had to be her lunch break. Where she didn’t eat but yelled at her assistant on the phone.

Crowley was beginning to feel intrigued too. It also helped to supress the urge to bring fire back into the game. “Pick your poison.”

She answered with a content smile and her eyes darted from him to Muriel. “Evidently no idea what she is doing. It’s not corporate espionage, they only hire professionals. Notwithstanding that you do look a little bit like an eccentric CEO that would carry all his passwords in his inside pockets.”

Crowley formed the ok sign with his fingers and she carried on with a satisfied smile. “Alright. Let’s go for the obvious. Hired by your wife to find out if you are cheating.”

That sounded plausible and was kind of amusing. Crowley negated by shaking his head. The woman didn’t mind that she had been wrong and judging by her eyebrows Crowley had only made her more curious. “Lovesick stalker? Then I surely hope that you have some deadly weapon on you at all times.”

“More than one.” Crowley replied casually. “But no. You were right when you assumed a professional engagement. A very half-arsed one. For lack of general abilities.”

“Okay. I give up and I’d like to know.”

“They were engaged by my ex… acquaintance.” Definitely not the right word, but Crowley could hardly say angel and everything else didn’t fit either.

The knowing look on the woman’s face revealed that she interpreted the ‘ex’ part in very particular way and Crowley couldn’t fault her. From her point of view it wasn’t a leap. “I see. You know you could do something about that. Legally. That kind of harassment isn’t something you have to take.”

There were moments in life when you couldn’t afford to laugh out loud even if you wanted to. This was one of them. “Are you going to hand me business card any second now?”

“I would if you were married.”

“Divorce lawyer?”

“Yes.”

A very good chance that she was going to hell then.

“I could give you the number of somebody who can take care of that for you. They’ll never send somebody to snoop after you again.”

Crowley pulled a face and shook his head. “Thank you, but I’ll take care of it myself eventually.”

She nodded and Crowley knew that she was pondering whether she should ask him how he intended to do that. Her cigarette burning down relieved her from having to make that decision. With an apologetic smile she walked off to the bin and Crowley couldn’t help himself and urged a tree to move one of its roots. Just a little bit. Muriel tripped over it with a squeak and then stayed down so he wouldn’t spot them. There was no point and satisfaction in it because the little angel wouldn’t stop snooping around him after some minor inconvenience. It hadn’t been their idea to do this in the first place. Still, Crowley wasn’t just going to sit here and take it. Also, he needed the tiniest outlet or he would explode after all.

“Do you mind?”

She had come back and gestured at the remaining free space next to him. Crowley made a somewhat dismissive but mostly positive hand gesture. “Anything you’ve done to justify the observation? Something mean? Something clever?”

No, Crowley wasn’t the one who had done something. “You are not going to get a case out of me, sorry.”

The lawyer huffed and she pulled a face to show him that she was exhausted. “As if I needed just one case more. I am merely curious.”

“So what do you need? A knife to filet your assistant?”

“You heard that?”

“You are not very subtle.” Crowley shrugged and she reached for her packet of cigarettes and pulled out a new one. “I guess that comes with the job.” She turned her entire body a little bit away from him, hand draped over the arm rest to shield him from the smoke. “I need an assistant who can actually do their job, so I had time to eat lunch during lunch break.”

“That’s very tame. I preferred the fileting bit.” The things Crowley could do with a knife. Clearly it wouldn’t do anything, but it was nice to play the thought.

Amused by what he had just said she showed a small smile and shrugged. “Tempting. The positive effects would only be short term though.”

“What would be better? Long term?”

She actually took a moment to think it over and there was visible tension in her shoulders. It was in the realm of possibilities that the heart attack was only ten years away after all. “A four months cruise around the Pacific. Mostly the Caribbean and South America. The will power to turn off my phone. Not wearing heels.”

Crowley made a noise of disgust and remembered the 17^th century when men still had had to put up with that hellish invention. His feet had hurt so much he had seriously considered turning back into a serpent. “Those things can kill you.”

“The worst.” Her eyes darted to her watch and then groaned. “I need to get back to the office.” She looked at her half burned down cigarette, obviously wondering where she could stub it out. Crowley took care of that by ever so slightly moving his fingers.

“That’s odd.” Standing up she slid what was left of the cigarette back in the packet and put that in her purse. Her hand lingered in there for a second longer before she pulled it back out with a small card between her fingers. “You could give me a call if you decided that you need some legal advice after all.” She handed it to him and Crowley took the card by instinct. “Or you know... If you wanted to go out for dinner some time. See you around. Perhaps. Have a nice day.”

***

Pinching the bridge of his nose Aziraphale closed his eyes after reading the very last line on the slightly crumpled piece of paper lying in front of him. “For Heaven’s sake…”

Chapter Text

Mere minutes ago Aziraphale had been in a meeting with several angels who had been integral in the design of Earth. Several, not all of them. A fairly unsettling number of them were no longer available to Heaven because they were now working for the opposition. They had gone over a few possibilities how to provide humans with more alternatives to fossil fuels because that problem simply wouldn’t go away on its own. It definitely was headache inducing in its complexity.

Nevertheless, Aziraphale hadn’t felt so out of his depth and utterly confused as he was feeling now. Which in itself was almost paradox because the words on this paper weren’t particular sophisticated or unknown or in a bizarre order that made it hard to figure them out.

Smoothing down the paper with both of his hands Aziraphale made the conscious decision to go about this in a logical and organised way. He was in need of more information, plain and simple. More information would help him understand and guard him from making rash decisions. Or slither into a bit of a crisis. Or a huge one.

Conjuring up the log of the guardian angels Aziraphale instantly realised that the concept of taking a break hadn’t got through to them yet. Another point to add to the list, but Aziraphale couldn’t go into that now. Or spare more than the most fleeting thought. Right now Aziraphale was fostering the hope that Adriel had been on duty during that particular instance. Out of all the guardian angels he had been the easiest to talk to. Which basically meant that he had been the only one that Aziraphale had engaged with in something that could be regarded as a conversation.

There was the first small hint of relief when Aziraphale saw Adriel’s name there in comely golden letters. The guardian angel was standing in front of Aziraphale’s desk two seconds after having been summoned. Adriel gave a slight nod as gesture of respect and greeting. “Supreme Archangel.”

Seeing him right there, a person who was possibly in possession of answers to his questions, had Aziraphale almost go into frenzy. The urge to ask every one of them at once took a hold of him and there was nothing he wanted more than to drag the answers right out of him.

No. No, that was not the right way to go. Aziraphale had called an angel here who was his own person and definitely not responsible for Aziraphale’s turmoil. Certainly he didn’t deserve to be the victim of Aziraphale’s impatience. Therefore Aziraphale stuck to his manners, obviously. The appropriate and right thing to do. “Hello Adriel. Lovely to see you. I thought I would check in on you if you don’t mind.”

And ask questions. So many of them. whatishappeningwhatismurieltalkingaboutwhatishedoinghowishedoinghowishedoinghowishedoingdoeshesmilewhoishesmilingat

How is he doing?

“Have I done something wrong, Supreme Archangel?”

Why were angels always so defensive? Was Aziraphale like this? “Oh, absolutely not. Like I said, I am checking in. To keep myself updated. Perhaps to even give you the opportunity to share some of your input. How are you?”

Not the question he wanted to ask and Aziraphale did felt a pang of guilt for not caring about the answer. It was something he needed to get it out of the way, so he could ask what he really wanted to know.

Adriel was still putting that suspicion filled frown on display. “Perfectly fine, Supreme Archangel.”

Of course, Aziraphale thought bitterly. However else was an angel ever supposed to feel? An angel who hadn’t lived on Earth for 6000 years and whose idea of ‘perfectly fine’ had become very limited during those 6000 years. Aziraphale couldn’t be perfectly fine with a weight on his chest. One that he couldn’t lift.

“How nice to hear that.” Aziraphale forced a smile and pretended that his skin wasn’t itching and tingling. Uncomfortably. Unbearable. “There are some enquiries that… I would like to make. About something that appears to have happened yesterday. You see I have trouble understanding some things in the report and I was hoping you would be able to shed some light on it.”

Even a quick recount of all the miraculous things that Aziraphale had witnessed during his very long existence would take quite a while. Aziraphale had witnessed the stars being born, the original sin, a demon going out of his way to save innocent children, the most beautiful Renaissance art being created, the world premiere of more than one Shakespeare play, the almost-apocalypse and the list continued. It was fair to say, Aziraphale had seen his share.

What he hadn’t seen was a guardian angel with a quivering lip and wide eyes who was obviously trying to hold something in. Which was odd in itself because guardian angels and most angels in general weren’t known to have much of a personality or feelings in general, therefore there wasn’t actually a lot that could potentially break out of them. Or at least Aziraphale had thought so. Adriel looked downright pained given all the tension in his facial features. Aziraphale’s desire to drag every last piece of information out of him was a tiny bit stifled by the sight of a guardian angel who seemed to be trying not to scream.

“Are you certain that you are alright?”

What followed was nothing Aziraphale had ever seen before. An actual angel (that wasn’t him) had an emotional outburst and Aziraphale’s first instinct was to recoil a little bit. The way the words pretty much burst out of his mouth was astonishing. “I am sorry, Supreme Archangel! I had no right to step out of line! It wasn’t my intention to disregard the assignment! Please do not smite me!”

That did it. For a fleeting moment Aziraphale had forgotten about his urgent need for answers and was left completely dumbfounded. This wasn’t a usual thing that happened.

“Ahm…”

“Please, I swear by the almighty that I will not stray from my orders again!”

Aziraphale raised both of his hands because this kind of situation, one that he had no experience with, needed more than just words. “Could you please slow down a bit and tell me exactly you think you did wrong? And why I would smite you for it?”

Also when had Aziraphale acquired the reputation of an archangel that would smite other angels? Had Gabriel done that? Was that a thing that the Supreme archangel did? Was there a required quota that he had to fill? Aziraphale had to look it up and then he would change that rule.

Adriel was still displaying a look of horror. “I know I am supposed to only look after the demon Crowley. That was what you said and you’ve made yourself very clear. Regardless… I looked after someone when the demon Crowley was driving to St. James’s Park. His style of driving is… It’s dangerous. I influenced a woman to not step on the street. To make sure she wouldn’t get hit. I know it wasn’t part of the assignment, but… I am guardian angel, I protect people.”

Aziraphale blinked in utter confusion. He felt like a few pieces of the puzzle were missing. Or there was even more to do than he had thought to make Heaven less of a mess. “Oh dear. Why would you be in trouble for that? Doing something good.”

“It was not part of the assignment and I was confused because you said that the demon Crowley would not hurt innocent bystanders.”

“Oh, he wouldn’t have, dear.”

The despair on Adriel’s face became less evident and a spark of defiance appeared in his eyes. One that gave Aziraphale hope. “His driving style is endangering everybody in the general London area.”

A valid point, but not one that genuinely worried Aziraphale. “Yes, but he is not going to hit anybody. He wouldn't risk a single dent in the Bentley. Also, I distinctly remember that I told you he wouldn’t hurt anybody.”

The despair returned swiftly and now it was with even more intensity. “I am sorry. I was out of line to contradict you. I will gladly accept the appropriate punishment, but please do not smite me. I don’t want to be smitten.”

“Calm down. I am not going to smite you.”

“You… will not?”

Guardian angels were horribly tedious and Aziraphale let out a sigh. “No, I am not going to smite you.” Obviously that word had been said too often and Aziraphale sank so deeply into the memory as if it was quicksand. A dismissive hand gesture. An irritated huff. And so much lovely indulgence. “It’s not that bad actually.” Aziraphale muttered softly without noticing. “Being smitten.”

“Pardon?”

Landing back on solid ground Aziraphale shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Was that a play on words?”

Aziraphale had lost enough time and he still didn’t know anything. He straightened his posture and tried to give Adriel a stare of superiority. It came easier to him lately, but that didn’t necessary make it a walk in the park. “Now, I still have questions about the day in the park and I need them answered. Can you do that?”

Finally having understood that he wasn’t going to be killed, but that it was also still in his best interest to start talking, Adriel nodded.

“Good.” Aziraphale would already feel exasperated if he weren’t so desperate and eager for the answers he was seeking. “The report I received mentioned that Crowley talked to a woman at the park yesterday and the report is a little bit muddled, I fear. I am unable to make sense out of it and I was hoping that you could tell me what happened. Clear the fog, so to speak.”

It was the coward way to go, but it allowed Aziraphale to be vague and to maybe learn about simply everything regardless of it. For now he was spared from saying things out loud that he didn’t dare thinking about. Ideas that his mind conjured up whenever Aziraphale wasn’t drowning in a pile of celestial files. Even then he couldn’t quite escape them. Ideas. Images. Sounds. Memories. A dismissive hand gesture. An irritated huff. And so much lovely indulgence.

Being smitten.

Very small lines appeared around Adriel’s eyes, barely noticeable. Aziraphale was growing continuously more frustrated with him which wasn’t fair. Patience was a virtue he was running out of when it had always come so naturally.

“Are you referring to anything specific?”

Yes! Aziraphale forced a smile. A small one just to make sure it wouldn’t tear his face apart. “What did they talk about, I wonder?” It wasn’t unreasonable to assume that he would be disappointed in his quest for enlightenment. Guardian angels were omnipresent to guard and protect. However, they were not supposed to be very perceptive of things that weren’t of their concern.

“The lady approached the demon Crowley after she had noticed the other angel keeping an eye on him. I am sorry I have to inform you that the demon Crowley is aware of being under heavenly surveillance.”

Not a surprise, Muriel was still way too unaccustomed with Earth to be able to blend in and even then, Crowley was very perceptive and was not fooled easily. Muriel’s obvious advantage was fairly simple though – they were always around the bookshop. They would immediately know if Crowley no longer hung around the area. And then… Aziraphale had no idea what he would do then, but he needed to know.

“That was to be expected. What else?” ‘Aziraphale was eager to soak up every word, hoping that they would be able to put him at ease.

“The lady asked him questions about the angel and the demon Crowley evaded most of them. They talked briefly about her profession.”

“Which would be?”

“She is a solicitor, specialised in dissolving marriages.”

Aziraphale felt his throat tighten. This was wrong on every possible level. Something that Aziraphale was not going to dwell on. For all too many reasons. “Alright and how…” The tightness had reached a point where it turned his voice into a gargled mess and Aziraphale needed one more attempt to turn his thoughts into words. “How did the encounter end?”

“The solicitor had to leave for work and before that stated her wish to stay in contact with the demon Crowley and to get romantically involved.”

There had been an almost-apocalypse, the threat of the book of life and here was Aziraphale, wielding the power of the Supreme Archangel and standing in front of the sweetest looking guardian angel who had just succeeded in putting the fear of god in him. Not god actually. Something very different and so much worse.

When your existence was bound to eternity time was an odd concept. Foreign. Something that only humans had to worry about. It didn’t play a factor in decision making because even if mistakes were made, there was an unlimited amount of time to fix them. To do better. To gather up the necessary courage.

The ever present weight on Aziraphale’s chest gained an accomplice in the mission to make him miserable. A sort of fear that he had only briefly encountered during those six days leading up to the end of the world. However, it had not been like this. That ice cold sensation of running out of time. To feel like a door was slowly falling closed and there was no handle to reopen it. Time was suddenly something that mattered and Aziraphale did not know what to do about that.

Swallowing softly he adjusted his stance, resisting the urge to squirm. Having the information made nothing better but worse instead. “In my humble experience humans are hardly ever…” Again, clearing his throat. "… this blunt. Do you happen to remember exactly what she said?”

Adriel tilted his head, looking pensive. “She said he should call her if he wanted to have dinner. The context didn’t leave much doubt that said dinner would be a date.”

About one hundred years ago Aziraphale had been served some panna cotta in Italy that clearly hadn’t been fit for consumption anymore. It had spent a couple of hours too many outside of the fridge. Despite never having taken a single bite of it, Aziraphale thought he could taste it on his tongue. Apart from that, there was only confusion. “You… You know about dating?”

It was evident that Adriel took offense and tried not to show it too much. “I am a guardian angel, I spend a lot of times at dates. Blind dates or meetings organised through dating apps. It has become a rather big part of the occupation during the last ten years or so.”

“That… sounds very reasonable, actually.” Aziraphale muttered absently, grieving the hope he had harboured that Adriel was another out of touch angel who had no idea how to interpret human behaviour. “Is there anything you know about the woman?”

“Nothing besides her being a divorce lawyer. I am not assigned to her.”

That also sounded perfectly reasonable and Aziraphale hated it. He was still craving more information that was going to make him more upset. Which he shouldn’t be. Aziraphale had taken on one of the most important jobs in the universe and one that demanded his full attention. To make life better for every single person on Earth. Aziraphale couldn’t afford to be distracted. Aziraphale could not afford to feel miserable. To have a crushing weight on his chest and a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Is there anything else you require rom me?”

Aziraphale blinked, for a second he had forgotten about Adriel’s presence. “Oh. No. Thank you. You have done a very good job. Thank you again.”

The guardian angel nodded dutifully and just when Aziraphale thought he was about to leave he hesitated. “May I ask a question?”

“Of course.”

“Is the divorce lawyer also going to be offered a promotion that will demand her to instantly move to Paris?”

“Thank you. Your services are no longer required here. Back to work. Bye.” Aziraphale miracle him away with a gesture of his hand. His cheeks were feeling slightly warm which was rather weird in addition to the weight and the paralysing fear.

Biting his lip Aziraphale turned back to his desk. He no longer felt confused by his newest report which by no means meant that he could go back to work. Aziraphale had no clue what he was supposed to do. However, he needed to do something.

***

Crowley had been lost in thought. About nothing special. Nothing in particular. Definitely not about anybody who might or might not have walked out of his life so ridiculously easily.

While standing there, gazing into nowhere, not thinking about anybody in particular Crowley obviously had forgotten to tell his body to keep following orders. Or it were only his fingers who had forgotten something. The fact that they were supposed to be holding a glass of fine, smoky scotch.

The very second it slipped his grasp Crowley awakened from his melancholic daydreaming. “Fuck!”

He scrambled to grab it, but it was an established fact that Crowley was unable to hold on to things. Especially the important ones. The tumbler landed on the hard, unforgiving marble floor of Crowley’s hall. A floor which should be a mess covered in shards right now. Except that it wasn’t.

There had been that disgusting, invasive tingling in the back of his neck and the tumbler had landed on its bottom, standing there in one perfect taunting piece. The mere sight of it sent Crowley in a crippling state of rage. Fuck that. This fucking glass was supposed to be broken beyond repair.

Staring into the empty room Crowley snarled at the thin air and whoever was lurking behind it. “Get.The.Hell.Out.”

He scratched the back of his neck to rid himself of the repugnant tingle. Something had to be done about that.

Chapter Text

Nina was a lot of things and she definitely was consistent. Ever since Crowley had strolled into the shop she had been giving him the side-eye. Which was fair, considering that he was again oozing rage and aggression. Very similar to the early days when he had started to come here alone. Obviously he had never been a beacon of light and happiness, but there was a difference between being a grumpy person and a black hole of perpetual darkness that swallowed every beautiful thought of the people around you.

By no means was Nina an expert, then again it was not hard to tell that something must have occurred to put the demon on edge. Something related to Mr. Fell most probably. Nina would never know for certain, because she definitely wasn’t going to ask. Her only resolution for the next ten years was to steer clear from Crowley as much as possible. God only knew what had happened to Alan. Granted, Nina’s gut told her that Crowley hadn’t lied to her, but the timeline spoke for itself.

Quietly eyeing the demon up and down for a couple of weeks – fine. Asking him out for coffee – dropped from the edge of the world.

Anyway, the least she could do was glare at him disapprovingly and Nina knew that she was pretty good at pulling off a satisfying bitch face. Which he noticed and Nina counted it as a win since it annoyed him enough to speak up. His vocal cords had to be covered in venom. “What?!” More of an accusation than a question.

“Nothing.” She placed the mug in front of him on the table and didn’t instantly leave again which caused him to continue to sneer at her. Good. “I read about that power blackout in Mayfair last night. People screaming at each other on the balconies. Some of them throwing stuff at each other. Windows breaking again. One or two bins burning the street.”

Crowley grunted in response and raised his shoulders. “Civilisation goes into the bin the very second the lights go off.”

Nina tilted her head, lips a straight line, tone accusing. “You live in Mayfair, don’t you?” To be frank, she had no idea how she knew this. Something he or Mr. Fell must have mentioned in passing, but she somehow associated the demon with this particular part of London. Or maybe her brain had simply connected a violent and stupid event to demonic influence, hence Crowley.

He visibly gritted his teeth but remained silent. Alright, Nina could accept that this was all that she was going to get. Good enough for now. Heading back to the counter Nina decided to pick her online search for Alan back up. She cursed her general disinterest in all people because this would be way easier to do if she had a surname. Perhaps it also wouldn’t be the worst idea to check the newspapers. To see if any men in their early thirties had been hit by a car lately… or jumped off a bridge. That was Nina’s wonderful mind – always going to the happiest places. It didn’t have to be that bad. What were the chances though when the hellish ginger was involved?

Said demon didn’t linger long today. He quickly downed his caffeine and then stalked back outside. Not before stopping at the table of a young couple. Nina raised an eyebrow while watching Crowley say something. It was another one of those peculiar events that just didn’t happen when normal people were involved. The young man appeared to be a bit confused at first before he willingly and without a fuss handed his tablet to Crowley. With the electric device tugged underneath his arm Crowley exited the coffee shop and seconds later the Bentley was turning around the corner.

Obviously that had been theft. Nina just didn’t know what to do about bit since the victim didn’t seem to care. At all.

***

“So, you didn’t call.”

The sound of a slightly raspy voice right beside him caused Crowley to glance over the edge of the tablet. A familiar face had approached him Today she was wearing a dark blue dress which was undoubtedly elegant, but still tight enough to tell that she ought to eat more. Or smoke less. The obligatory cigarette was dangling from her fingertips. Crowley’s eyes were already darting back to the screen. “No, I didn’t.”

“Perfectly within your right to do so.” She gestured at the empty space next to him. “Do you mind?”

“Not a bit.” Crowley replied, putting an exaggerated emphasis on the ‘t’ while his eyes were continuing to scan the texts in front of him. Sure, not looking at the person you were talking to could be considered impolite. However, Crowley was dealing with extraordinarily circumstances. Moreover, he was a demon. Nobody asked of him to have good manners. Or scolded him for lack thereof. Not anymore at least.

Damn it.

“You will have to excuse me, I tend to overanalyse. It usually comes down to three options. The smoking. The job. General appearance. Am I anywhere close?”

Fine, Crowley could admit that he was a little bit intrigued. There was no air of genuine disappointment around her, not a whiff of resentment or self-doubt. According to Crowley’s interpretation, she was just curious. About how people perceived her. About how he perceived her in particular. About Crowley in particular.

Lowering the tablet Crowley turned his head and instantly noticed that she was still angling her cigarette away from him. “None of the sort. I did not want to.” It was neither apologetic nor mean. Only the information she had asked for, given honestly.

She hummed appreciatively. “Just as good as any reason, I suppose. You look like you never eat dinner anyhow.”

“Please.” Crowley snorted softly. “You are one to talk.”

A small smile ghosted over her face and she took a long drag from her cigarette. “Cannot deny that, I reckon.” She held out her hand. “Victoria.” Crowley accepted the handshake with a very loose grip. “Crowley.”

After their introduction a moment of silence passed. Crowley took advantage of it by watching the ducks and Victoria finished smoking her cigarette. This time there was no need to get up since she had a portable ashtray with her. “Your shadow. Are they on a break today? Or did you take care of that?”

“Still working on it. Working on it right now to be exact.”

She made an interested ‘Ahh’ sound and yet did not try to sneak a peek at the tablet. Obviously she wouldn’t have been able to make any sense out of Crowley’s research, but it was nice of her regardless. Not that Crowley appreciated nice. Or cared about it in general.

“Have you stabbed your assistant yet?”

“No and I am working on not doing that actually. I make an honest attempt to calm down a bit during my lunch break, so I will not murder them in the afternoon.”

“Nah.” Crowley dismissed that thought with a casual wave. “Sometimes it’s best to give into your darkest urges. You’re a lawyer. Shouldn’t you know how to get away with some minor… steps over the line?” By Satan, it had been a long time since he had been advocating for murder but that tingle in the back of his neck was putting him on edge. Today he had been spared from it and Crowley definitely deserved some peace after the disaster last night. Hopefully they would have cleaned the street up by the time he got back home.

If Victoria was in any way, shape or form bothered by his words, she did not show it. Not surprising when Crowley thought about it. If you were in the business of dissolving marriages you probably had to submit your ears to the harshest and most brutal things that one person could say about another. People venting their righteous anger after having been betrayed by the one that they cared for. The one that was supposed to be there. The one who you should be able to always rely on. Betrayed. Hurt. Humiliated.

Something was crawling up his spine, threatening to take control. Abruptly Crowley let the table drop into his lap and stared at the dents his fingers had let behind in the plastic cladding. It had just started to liquefy. Damn it. Damn it to hell.

“You alright?” Victoria’s eyes showed concern and Crowley pulled a face. “Bloody fantastic. If murder is not in the cards why not fire them if they’re so incompetent?”

Another smile and for the first time Crowley thought she looked the tiniest bit sheepish. “I can only go through so many assistants in three months. My boss won’t let me hire another one.”

“Now that’s a predicament.” Crowley muttered, still looking at the prints left on the tablet. “Could make them miserable enough to quit themselves though.”

People ran away for all sorts of reasons. They didn’t even have to be miserable. They could have a chance of happiness lying in the palm of their hand. Somebody’s devotion laid out in front of them. People could walk away from anything.

Except from a fucking job.

“I’ll figure it out.” Lighting a new cigarette Victoria let out a deep sigh. “For now I’ll gladly take the peace and quiet of lunch break.” She tilted her head back, looking straight up into the sky. “I’ve only started coming here recently to escape the office and the idiocy there. You’re here often, aren’t you?”

There was a lot that Crowley could have potentially said to that. Like he had been coming to this park for over a hundred years. That it was like a second home. The second home that hadn’t been abandoned yet. “Not as often as I used to, but yes. I like the ducks.”

The last part of that statement seemed to surprise and amuse her. “The ducks? Sure. Why not.”

They continued with superficial chit-chat. Mostly about ducks and how you weren’t supposed to feed them bread. Victoria hadn’t known that because she didn’t feed ducks in general, but she agreed that more people should know. Moreover they agreed that it was a shame that you couldn’t just threw useless people into a bottomless pit. Well, Crowley wasn’t going to tell her that technically it was no problem to do that. All you needed was a little demonic support.

About three cigarettes later Victoria checked her phone and decided that it was time to get back into the office. Her annoyance reminded Crowley how ridiculous the concept of a human job was. How stupidly time consuming. “I am heading back. It was nice talking to you. Listen, Crowley, even if you don’t want to have dinner or lunch… I would not mind spending my lunch break like this from time to time. Sit on this bench and have a talk. To stay sane. Would you mind?”

Crowley couldn’t deny an instant reaction to her suggestion. Deep down in his gut. A painful clenching. An immediate resistance. That bench wasn’t meant for the both of them to sit on and chat. It was Crowley’s and Aziraphale’s. It had been exactly that for an incredibly long time.

No point in carrying that title anymore. Which meant that it was just a bench. For anybody to sit on.

“Yeah. Right. Why the hell not. Might as well. If I happen to be here, that is.”

Victoria hinted at a smile. Crowley could see more of it in her eyes than on her lips. “Good. See you around then. If you happen to be here.”

Crowley merely nodded and the solicitor walked away. Barely a few steps, then she looked over her shoulder. “Just asking out of pure curiosity. Why are you looking up the Vatican archive?”

“Desperate times. Desperate measures.”

***

Angels in general were pesky, annoying and simply awful creatures. Always trying to get in your way and as soon as you tried to actively stay in their way (how about forever) they would vanish. Angels were the worst and there were so many of them. Legions. Evidently, it took quite some effort to be the actual bloody worst among those who were already considered the worst in general.

Enter the guardian angels.

Crowley would like to retch thinking about them. They were a simple conglomeration of everything that was annoying, nerve-wrecking and could potentially ruin one’s day. Those little nitwits with their omnipresence, invisibility and knowledge how to keep the little accidents away. Sometimes even the big ones. They were the bloody worst.

And Crowley was going to catch himself one.

With the help of very flimsy instructions that Crowley had found in a book that the Vatican library definitely shouldn’t have. One that definitely wasn’t online. That was one very justified demonic miracle.

Clearing the floor of his living room didn’t even take Crowley a minute. A few candles that lit up with a click of his fingers. Thankfully there was no need to chant some ridiculous words that would make Crowley feel like an idiot or a wannabe witch. According to the demonic scripture that the Holy See had acquired Crowley only needed a piece of chalk.

Their irritating ability of being omnipresent came in handy here. Summoning someone was a lot more work than forcing them to show themselves. Whoever Crowley was going to drag into the light of day was in for a world of misery. Except that the sun was already setting and that Crowley had no idea what exactly he was going to do. There would be yelling involved. And hellfire.

Writing down the incantation was a bit more trouble and it annoyed the hell out of Crowley that he had to mess up his floor for this. The chalk on his fingertips also irked him. Not to mention the fact that he had to get down on his knees to do this. By the time he was halfway done Crowley sat back on his haunches and took a deep breath. Being overcome by anger was not going to help him, but it was so damned hard. His hands were trembling and there were some black spots on the piece of chalk between his fingers.

Not now. There was going to be a guardian angel that he could let rain his rage upon. Breathing slowly and wishing for some caffeine and even more scotch Crowley finished his task. Good. Now all he had to do was to get that guardian angel to get to work. Which wouldn’t be very hard given all the examples Crowley had been able to gather during the last couple of weeks.

There was the anger again, cutting deeply and Crowley bit his lip. For Heaven’s sake, all he wanted was to get his shoes wet when he stepped in a bloody puddle of rain.

Gritting his teeth Crowley got a knife from the kitchen and then walked back into the living room. He fooled around a little bit. Small tricks. Throwing it and catching it again with the same hand. Pretending to be a juggler. A pretty shit juggler who made mistakes. Like carelessly dropping the knife so it would end up sticking in his foot. How utterly clumsy of him.

Time to show yourself you good for nothing, stupid…

Crowley hadn’t moved his foot. Not a single centimetre. That damned knife should have hacked his toes off. Instead it landed right next to his shoe. The tingle in the back of his neck was so intense that goose bumps were spreading all over his skin. All around him the flames of the candles grew excessively within a single second as if Crowley had drenched them in gasoline. Then with a dangerous sizzle they all went out and Crowley could feel the presence right there.

Spinning around he reached forward and his hand grabbed perfectly smooth blue fabric. Downright terrorised celadon green eyes darted from his fingers than to his face and for the first time in ages Crowley felt a demonic grin tearing his face apart. “Got you.”

The little wanker was already trying to piss off upstairs, but Crowley wasn’t going to have that. He had promised himself hellfire, hadn’t he? Another click of his fingers and the circle of chalk around them went up in flames. They were crawling up the walls, licking at the ceiling and making it escape proof for anyone who wasn’t a demon.

Frantically the eyes of the angel were moving around, widened from shock and fear which gave Crowley the first sweet hint of satisfaction. “You and I need to have a little talk.”

Finally the guardian angel focused on his face which was probably just as terrifying as the actual threat to his existence around him. “I…” He was pathetically stuttering on that single letter. There was a good chance that Crowley had already scared his wits out of him. If there had been wits to begin with. What if Crowley just forgot about his non-existing plan and tossed him into the fire? Crowley was going to tempt himself with this.

“I…”

Fisting his hands tighter in the angel’s tunic Crowley dragged him a little closer to snarl right into his face. “Spit it out! For Hell’s sake!”

While unbothered by the heat himself Crowley could see a bead of sweat running down the angel’s cheek. The guardian angel swallowed audibly and exhaled through his nose, radiating with fear. Eventually he picked up enough courage to meet Crowley’s eyes. “If we were to talk… it would be easier without the… the hellfire.”

Crowley sizzled and he didn’t even try to lay it on thick, it came naturally. Looking at this little cherub he almost felt overcome by anger. How did that little git dare to follow him around? Sticking to the soles of his shoes and keeping them dry.

How did Aziraphale dare to…

“Please.” The guardian angel’s voice was quiet, not even trembling that much. “He said that you would not hurt anybody.”

Why not simply slap him across the face? Crowley winced all the same and the knowledge settled in that nobody was going to be thrown in the flames. There was no other choice than to talk to him and Crowley hated it how much he wanted to. Only one of his hands let go of the guardian angel to wave the flames away. The other one’s feeling of relief was palpable.

“Now listen to me very carefully and don’t move a muscle or I am going to swat you like the fly on the wall that you are. You are going to stop spying on me! Do you know when? Five seconds ago!”

There was this very distinct urge to lash out at him. To make him suffer not just a little bit. To hit him right in his stupid pretty face. Because he was an angel. Because he was here. Because Crowley could.

The guardian angel pulled his lower lip back with his teeth which seemed to be a small nervous tick. Desperate wailing and screaming would be more after Crowley’s taste, but it was a start. He should be grateful for every second that Crowley wasn’t engulfing him in hellfire.

“Did you get the message?” Dangerously slowly. A sizzle and his uncovered serpent eyes drilling into the angel’s. Hammering home every word, so even this idiot could grasp them.

“I…”

“What?!”

Exhaling softly the guardian angel made an attempt to tilt his chin up the smallest bit which was fairly unimpressive and yet it made Crowley even more furious. “I am afraid I cannot do that.”

It was taking over. A so very dark feeling that Crowley had only tapped into once or twice during his entire existence. The last time it had happened with Gabriel and even then Crowley had still remained in control. He wasn’t sure he wanted that to be the case right now.

Once more he dragged the guardian angel a little closer to make him fear that Crowley would breathe hellfire right into his face at any moment. An angelic face that belonged up there in heaven and thought it could just come here and mess with him. The scent of burnt fabric was entering his nostrils and tiny columns of smoke were rising from where Crowley’s fingers were buried in the angel’s tunic. “What did you just say?”

The guardian angel succeeded in holding Crowley’s gaze instead of staring at his hands which were the bigger threat right now. “I cannot do that. It is my only assignment.”

“If you don’t leave me alone immediately, there won’t be enough pieces of you left to report back to Heaven!”

“I will not disobey the Supreme Archangel.”

Hearing that Crowley could either snap or scream. He opted for screaming. “His celestial highness, of course! And why for the love of everything that is unholy would he send you after me?! And why do you believe that I will stand for it?!”

The reaction was bewildering. Suddenly the angel seemed to be too overcome by genuine confusion to feel terrified out of his mind. “The only reason one would ever send a guardian angel after anyone. To make sure they are safe.”

Feeling as if he had been struck Crowley stared at him. Chaotic and silly thoughts in one’s head could never be considered real until somebody else voiced them. Now it was out in the open and Crowley didn’t know what to do with it. One thing he knew though, the desire to burn the angel’s face off had vanished. Letting out a moan of pure frustration Crowley let go of the angel and turned around without even glancing at the holes he had burnt in his clothing. “I am going to have a drink.”

Chapter Text

Crowley’s kitchen consisted of two things. Sharp pointy objects and alcohol. Those two could wind up to be a very explosive combination. For now though the only knife that Crowley had used was sticking in his living room floor and he didn’t intent to pick it back up any time soon. Not need for that. What there was a definite need for was scotch. Glasses weren’t necessary. Drinking straight from the bottle seemed a lot more situation appropriate. Also, it added a certain flair.

Providing himself with alcohol was probably not worth risking allowing the guardian angel to get away, but Crowley simply couldn’t imagine going through the next moments without liquor. Taking a big swing directly from the bottle and enjoyed the burn because it was a bloody distraction. Sadly it wasn’t enough to bleach his mind, but Crowley would gladly accept small favours.

The guardian angel was in the exact same spot where he had left him which was a small surprise. Crowley was going to flatter himself and go with the explanation that he had scared him to the point where he wasn’t able to move anymore. He could easily ignore the fact that the guardian angel did not look terrorised at the moment. A swing of scotch helped. At least he instantly turned to Crowley when he heard him approach.

Fucking hell, there was a guardian angel standing in the middle of his living room. One that seemed to be glowing with heavenly light and generally looked like somebody had asked a child to draw an angel. Apart from the wings. An outrageously talented child. Crowley already needed a second swing. Walking past him Crowley dropped on the couch and waited for the alcohol to burn some thoughts and sensations away, so he could get back on track. Unfortunately his brain had decided to revolve around one certain thing.

“Is this your place?”

Damn it, now he was trying to talk to Crowley. He really had to be losing his touch if he could not adequately intimidate a guardian angel. The lowest and stupidest creatures ever designed. Even below ticks and nobody liked them. Crowley was well aware that he had summoned him, threatened his existence, made it impossible for him to leave and was now pretending that he wasn’t here. It was pathetic, but Crowley needed another minute. Then he’d probably toss him into hellfire after all.

The guardian angel accepted Crowley’s silence and preference for alcohol. The curl of his fingers and his general posture still put the tension he was feeling on display, so Crowley could claim a small win. Nevertheless the angel dared to let his eyes travel around the room with what seemed to be genuine curiosity. Unveiled. Nah, this was an angel. The worst kind and all of them were horrendous to begin with. He wasn’t curious, he was being judgemental and Crowley definitely should not care about that. He should be throwing the bottle at the angel’s head. Instead he opted for a hiss. “What?!”

The other one flinched and Crowley mentally patted himself on the shoulder. Not a complete failure after all. “I have never thought about what the abode of a demon would look like. I don’t think I would have pictured it like this.”

“I am not going to take design appraisals by somebody who wears a tunic.”

Wordlessly the angel looked down at himself and his clothes changed into dark jeans and a light blue sweater. That one just left Crowley confused. Were angels allowed to wear clothes that weren’t white or beige? Did angels even know about the existence of jeans? “This does seem more appropriate when I am visible on Earth.”

Alright, Crowley needed him out of here. Hours ago. Weeks ago, technically. Time to take care of that. Still reluctantly Crowley lowered the bottle. “In case I haven’t made myself clear, which I have… So in case you are a bloody idiot, I want you to stay away from me. No more guardian angel business. Pop off. Back to Heaven or protect some kitten stuck in a tree. I don’t care. Just sod off and don’t ever look in my direction again.”

“We have already established that I cannot do that. It’s not up to me.”

Hearing that angel talking back at him only increased the sting of bitterness. When it came to Aziraphale Crowley had never once wanted to be left alone and now, the only time he felt that particular searing wish, it would not be fulfilled. If you decide to disappear, just take all of your damned pieces with you. Including your guardian angels. The guts that Crowley definitely didn’t need were forming a knot, a painful one. “Because your boss said so? You know what? Screw your boss! I am the one you are watching and I tell you to piss off! And that’s the bloody end of it!”

Instead of vanishing for good like he was supposed to the guardian angel had the gall to take the smallest and most timid step in Crowley’s direction. “If I may…”

“You may not! You may get lost!”

“This is shaping up to be a pointless exercise. I am not capable of doing what you are asking. Being a demon that has been around for longer than Eden, you should know that.” The angel hesitated for a second, then continued, sounding convinced now. “You do know.”

Crowley didn’t have it in him not to make a retching noise. “Of course. One wouldn’t want to go against the Supreme Archangel’s wishes.”

“Even if.” The angel’s eyes travelled once more across the room before they settled on Crowley. Hesitantly. “Even if I were to… disobey, there are others, so it wouldn’t matter.”

Heat was spreading right underneath Crowley’s skin. The ugly kind straight from hell. “What did you just say?”

“I am not the only guardian angel watching over you.”

"How many?"

“I am not sure. Four or five, I suppose. We are supposed to take breaks. New policy.”

It was the guardian angel’s baffled expression that reminded Crowley of the fact that he still existed. For several seconds his mind had been wiped clean. No thoughts, no emotions, no nothing. Crowley had just been sitting there. Staring. Unable to do anything else. It was the confused “Are you quiet alright?” infused with a hint of worry that brought him back online. Or at least helped him to get back in a state in which he could actually comprehend the words that had been said. Four or five. More than one.

The audacity…

One moment there had been nothing and now there definitely was something. Something became everything because it left no more space for anything else. Being so consumed by anger all the damned time made Crowley question if he could even remember what it was like not to be like that. To not feel like there was something sitting in his gut. Something that was trying to burn its way out of him to lash out at everybody.

Except the one his anger was directed at.

“Can you believe that? The damned gull… To have the audacity to… He is sitting up there! All mighty, holy and… angelic! Out of reach! Unreachable! Un-seeable! All the bloody ‘un-‘s! And while he is up there I am under constant surveillance by an army of sniffling halfwits?!”

Not a trace of a reaction to the insult was visible on the guardian angel’s face and that only heightened Crowley’s wish to punch him. Especially after the angel had just displayed the ability to read the most obvious non-verbal cues. A second passed, then another one and Crowley was shaking. If he could only tear a hole into the ceiling, climb right into Heaven and tell Aziraphale where to stick his guardian angels.

He had left, hadn’t he?! So why not the clean cut that going back to sodding Heaven clearly demanded? Crowley hadn’t got a say in it, but Aziraphale had drawn a line in the sand. Heaven on one and Earth on the other side. Earth was Crowley’s and he had the right to be left alone. To at least get the chance to experience a day where he wasn’t angry. Where rage wasn’t the only thing holding him together.

The scotch didn’t taste like anything and the burn was negligible.

Now the angel decided to talk again. Just wonderful. “Are you worried about your privacy? If so, there is no reason to. Guardian angels do not judge.”

Rolling his eyes Crowley opted for more scotch and no hellfire. There was still time for that. “Oh, you do. All of you do. Everybody does. Most of all you. You’re judging everybody. You’re judging me right now.”

“I am not!”

Huh. Look at that. Evidently there was more in the angel’s range of emotional states than ‘annoyingly stoic and righteous’ and ‘terrified of hellfire’. Crowley wouldn’t go as far as to say that it pleased him because nothing could achieve that right now. It definitely didn’t make him angrier. “Sure you are. Everybody is. Your lot just won’t admit it.”

A frown began to form on the angel’s forehead. “I fear I cannot follow you. Judgement is an essential part of Heaven.”

No shit. “Yeah and don’t I know it?” To wash the bitter taste of that truth away Crowley took another swing from the bottle.

“A part of Heaven, but not of me.” The angel was still denying the so blatantly obvious. “My purpose is to protect and to help. I was not created to be judgmental. I assume I lack the ability to.”

The stupidity made Crowley huff dismissively without the slightest effort to hide his disdain. “Then you lack the ability to think for yourself in general. Not a surprise. Most angels do. Even the ones who figure out how to do it can forget about it like this.” He clicked his fingers. “Just dangle a promotion in front of them.”

Graciously the angel ignored the most of what Crowley had just said. “I do. Think for myself. That doesn’t mean that I feel judgmental. I don’t feel the urge to judge you. I am, however, curious.”

Thrown for a loop Crowley raised an eyebrow. “About me?”

The angel nodded. “Among other things.”

“Bloody hell…” All Crowley had wanted was for that disgusting tingle in the back of his neck to stop. Now that tingle had a voice and wished to engage in conversation.

Until now the angel hadn’t moved and he didn’t dare to come closer even now. Small blessings. “Do you like her?”

What was going on now? “Who?”

“Victoria.” The angel pointed out softly like this wasn’t an utterly bizarre conversation to have. Like this was something Crowley was thinking about. Moreover, the sudden lack of a sense of self-preservation was unbecoming. If it was a lack of fear – even worse.

Crowley snarled. “I don’t like anyone. I am a demon.”

An ever so slightly raised blonde eyebrow. Sceptical. Unbothered by the word ‘demon’. Crowley was losing all understanding of what was going on here. The angel tilted his head, his gaze fully focused on Crowley. There was nothing in it that gave away that he was talking to a hellish counterpart. One that he should recoil from or at least be wary of. Or repulsed by. Far more likely.

“You obviously like the Supreme Archangel.”

Crowley spluttered. At the same time he was choking on his own tongue and some of the best liquid Scotland had to offer. He was hit by this vile accusation, embarrassment and the painful truth. All of his defences so easily overcome by a guardian angel.

“I do not!”

The blonde nightmare who Crowley seemed to have summoned to submit himself to torture continued to frown. “Well. He likes you.”

Pushed beyond the limits of what anyone, even a demon, could stand Crowley let out a gargled shout that could never be mistaken for actual language. It was the smallest and most unsatisfying of triumphs when the guardian angel yelped in surprise when a demonic miracle forcefully pulled him away.

“Now fucking stay away.” Crowley muttered to himself and quickly brought the bottle back up to lips. A part of his brain was already betraying him. Thinking about implications, reasons, and consequences. Asking silly questions. To stop it from doing so Crowley would numb it. For tonight anyway.

***

“You said… what exactly?”

Over 6000 years of existence offered plenty of time and opportunities to feel horrified for one reason or another. Be it the Plague or minimalistic Scandinavian interior design. Aziraphale had his fair share of experience when it came down to this particular sensation and he was heading straight into this awful territory. Full on crash.

Regardless, he forced himself to stay calm and not shout questions in rapid succession like he wanted to. Such behaviour wouldn’t be appropriate for the Supreme Archangel and more importantly – rushing led to misunderstandings. To misinterpretation and Aziraphale wasn’t going to risk those. Not in general and definitely not when it came down to… this.

Therefore he remained sitting on his chair by a sheer incredible amount of will power and kept looking at Adriel in a way that hopefully didn’t convey his true feelings. A wish to shake the words out of him. Yesterday. Millions of years ago.

Adriel, who definitely looked out of place in his current attire, didn’t appear to be entirely comfortable. However, Aziraphale was inclined to believe that he had looked less at ease during their very first meeting. “I told the demon Crowley that you liked him.”

Full on crash indeed. There were too many things to lose one’s mind about. First of all having to deal with every alarm in Heaven blasting for what felt like eternity triggered by a demonic entity summoning an angel. Secondly, quickly having his suspicions confirmed that Crowley was the reason for this. Thirdly, hellfire being involved. Last and so absolutely not least – Crowley and his assigned guardian angel having a conversation about Aziraphale.

This utter mess surpassed everything that Aziraphale had had to deal with over the last couple of weeks. Pollution, corruption, hunger, injustice, poverty. None of that made him want to jump up and run up and down in despair. Normally he would have done so. While nervously babbling about the misery he was caught up in and Crowley would be there to listen. To dismissively huff and roll his eyes. To snarl. To eventually agitatedly pace around himself.

And then they would figure it all out for better or worse. Together.

Now Aziraphale could do none of that, so he simply turned pale as a sheet. “You said what?”

Adriel blinked, still looking rather confused than worried. “I didn’t know this was supposed to be a secret.” He paused. “Because it isn’t.”

Aziraphale gulped since there was obviously nothing else to do. “I beg your pardon?”

Hadn’t he wished for angels to speak their mind and to even contradict their superiors? Now Aziraphale longed for nothing more than for Adriel to close his mouth. This didn’t count as a lie since it was only in his head. Aziraphale wasn’t going to think about longing.

“Guardian angels are not sent after someone to control them or to make sure they are up to no good. You have said as much yourself.”

Yes, that was true and it wasn’t bad. Aziraphale was here to reform Heaven, wasn’t he? To make it a better place and absolutely different from how it had been under Gabriel. Aziraphale had no desire to control anyone or to be ready to press the ‘WAR’ or ‘DESTRUCT’ button at any time. No, Aziraphale wanted it safe and cosy. To protect people and to look after them.

The problem was that they weren’t talking about people, weren’t they?

“I suppose.”

Adriel nodded and didn’t say anything else. He just looked at Aziraphale expectantly who still wasn’t sure if he was in a state of everlasting terror or not. Which was horrifying in itself.

“Supreme Archangel?”

“Huh?”

“May I return to my assignment?”

With quite the effort Aziraphale swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yes. Yes, of course. Thank you for the report. And sorry about the hellfire. That couldn’t have been pleasant.”

“No, but…” Adriel raised his shoulders but they were somewhat swallowed by the loose and too big sweater. Why was he wearing that? “In hindsight it is easier to tell that it was for show. Or mostly.”

The second Adriel was gone Aziraphale released a staggering breath. With nobody here he was finally allowed to pace around his office and to nervously knead his fingers. None of those actions offered some release from the stress, but it was better than to stay in that cursed chair.

An indefinite lifespan didn’t just offer opportunities to feel wretched and anxious. Pretty much all the emotions and sensation got their time to shine and terrorize the body they inhabited. The one Aziraphale was dealing with right now was no stranger to him. They had had plenty of time to get familiar with each other, however never to a worrying a degree. Just a bit of unpleasantness. A slight sting that made itself present whenever Crowley had dedicated his attention for an extended period to something or someone that wasn’t Aziraphale. Nothing too bad. Bearable. Now it wasn’t. Not when Aziraphale was feeling that well known pang of jealousy because Crowley had had a conversation with another angel. An angel that wasn’t him.

Clearly that wasn’t the thing to worry about. Crowley wasn’t something for Aziraphale to worry about. Not after the decision he had made. There was an entire world that was only Aziraphale’s to worry about. It should occupy his thoughts day and night and yet he found himself longing for that crumpled sheet of paper every single time. There were things he wanted it to say. He wanted it to mention smiles.

The mere thought though of coffee dates and lunch breaks in the park made him want to curl up in a ball underneath his desk. How was he supposed to fix Heaven when Aziraphale couldn’t fix this?

Not knowing what to do Aziraphale went back to old patterns. He would simply ignore the chaos in his head and delve back into work. Sitting down Aziraphale used one hand to miracle his file back on the desk while the other one was absently touching his lips.

Chapter Text

“Hello. Hello. Hello.”

There was an unspeakable amount of things wrong with this greeting and Andrea hadn’t even looked up from her computer yet. First of all, it was way too cheery. Cheery to the point of being not only annoying but also suspicious. Nobody was happy or even cheery when they entered a law firm. If they sought out the divorce lawyer of said firm, the cheerfulness was a giant red flag. Ones so big you usually could only find them in China.

Already feeling apprehensive Andrea looked up and made a mental note to cut down on the caffeine in the morning. It was starting to mess with her perception. It had to be the caffeine because she hadn’t smoked a joint since uni. Alright, time to leave all prejudice outside and be professional.

Who the hell cared if a potential client had the most unsettling chirpy smile on their lips and had decided to dress up as a constable who had fallen into a pot of beige paint? Fucking nobody as long as they brought in the money. Maybe their sense of fashion had died right along with their relationship. Andrea should really stop feeling surprised about all the different ways that people could be messed up. All of them were lining up to get in here.

Andrea answered with a work adequate smile herself. Polite without having to move the corners of her mouth too much. “Good morning. How may I help you?”

“Oh, good morning to you too. It’s lovely, isn’t it!”

Geez, this was going to be ugliest divorce in a long time. Andrea didn’t say anything and waited for the actual reason to be here. Everybody stopped being nice when they started talking about their marriage going to shit.

“I have come to your establishment hoping I could see Miss Kerrigan. See and talk preferably. With words. Like humans do.”

Not all that cheery anymore, but mostly awkward now and Andrea hoped that her face didn’t give away that she was starting to feel a little bit unsettled. Professionalism, right. Paying clients. All she had to do to point into the direction of Victoria’s office and her failure of an assistant could deal with this potential disaster. “Okay. That should not be a problem. Miss Kerrigan’s office is right… Oh, here she comes, actually.”

And obviously she wasn’t in the best mood which meant more work.

“Andrea, I am sorry, but I need you to save my life and the life of this idiot! This time I might push him out of the window. I need this done before noon. Is there any way…” Victoria held a thick folder in her hand which definitely wasn’t supposed to ever be on Andrea’s desk but would end up there eventually. It was a chore to be a somewhat competent secretary. Andrea wouldn’t find out yet what to do with the ominous folder because Victoria had stopped talking mid-sentence and was now taking in the utterly weird potential client. Lines were forming around her eyes when she narrowed them in recognition.

A sign that this encounter could become more interesting than Andrea had anticipated.

“Hello, hello. I am here to ask you a few things about…”

Victoria, already hyped up and in a bad mood from having to deal with inept people in this firm (Andrea could relate), gave short shrift to their attempt to talk. “It’s you! Your employer must either be stupid or reckless to send you here. This is a law firm and I am well aware that you are tailing a man in the most blatantly obvious manner. He is feeling harassed and since your behaviour appears to be so amateurish that it has to be intentional, I will assume that is your goal to inflict psychological pain and damage. I want your name and your employers. Injunction, restraining order definitely coming your way. We’re also going to sue for damages. Please, tell me you’ve made photographs of Crowley without his consent because then we’re going to take every single dime that you own. You and your employer. Your name. Now. I need to file some documents.”

As the head secretary Andrea rarely got the opportunity to see one of the lawyers to really bury their claws in someone, so this was a rather exciting change. Especially considered that Victoria had managed to make that dopey expression to go away. In fact, Victoria might have shattered the nerve in that face which was responsible for the smiles. Now they were stuttering and generally resembled a deer in the headlights. “Oh. I am… This is…”

“Still waiting for your name.” Victoria’s voice was admirably cold which made Andrea think that she was going through severe nicotine withdrawals.

They didn’t get a name because their visitor span around and made a beeline for lift. Opponent had run away which meant that Victoria was the winner. Andrea felt a tingle of satisfaction and was grateful for the amusing distraction. Most of all now, she was eager for gossip. Little details weren’t going to go by unnoticed and Andrea definitely had caught the name Victoria had mentioned. With an only slightly suggestive grin on her lips she shot Victoria a look. “Crowley, huh? Your lunch break date?”

Victoria’s eyes were still lingering on the now closed lift doors and she genuinely looked a bit upset. “Lunch break friend. Can you believe that? Walked in an actual law firm because I happened to talk to him a couple of times. I really do not get these people. You broke up. Get over it.”

“Well, that should have scared them off.”

“Let’s hope so.” Victoria sighed and rubbed her left temple. “I need a cigarette.”

Seemingly she thought that the conversation about her lunch break boyfriend was over, but Andrea had other plans. It was so rare that any colleagues had some interesting stories to tell that weren’t related to work. “So… your lunch break friend’s ex is clearly a bitch. Spying after him and all that. That kind of behaviour should make it pretty easy to get over them. Am I wrong?”

“I regret telling you anything.” Victoria was shaking her head, but Andrea couldn’t detect any real annoyance from her. The reason was rather simple, she enjoyed talking about this guy from the park who liked ducks. Curious detail, by the way.

“I am just saying. A man who continues to spend his time with a woman he knows is interested cannot be that uninterested himself.”

Victoria hinted at an amused smile but once more shook her head. “Said uninterested man is clearly not over his divorce… separation… whatever yet. It’s my area of expertise and it’s not hard to tell.”

Geez, Victoria pretty much forced Andrea to be the optimistic one here. “He will get over it eventually. Doesn’t hurt to be around then, hmm?”

That statement earned her an exasperated huff and Victoria rolled her eyes once more. However, Andrea didn’t miss the small and conspiratorial smile on her lips. Oh, she was going to love to hear more about the lunch break boyfriend.

***

It wouldn’t be that hard. It could not be that hard. Walking over there, 20 steps at most. Opening the door with just enough force to not rip it out of the frame. Going in there, shout at the top of his lungs, throwing exaggerated insults around and just maybe set a small fire. That should get his point across and would get the bloody angel to respect the damned line in the sand and leave him alone.

Or it would get him to come down.

Crowley grimaced and tilted his head to the side so this stupid thought would drop out of his ear and create an ugly splash on the ground. That wasn’t what he wanted. What he wanted was to make a statement and to be left alone. Walking into that damned bookshop could get him that. There was no guarantee, but it did seem to be his best option.

If he could only take one cursed step into the direction of that bloody building, but his feet refused to even take a single step. Which proved that they probably were the smartest part of his body.

It was a strange state to be in. To want something and to dread it at the same time. Which left Crowley in the exact same spot where he already had been for some time. Leaning against the Bentley, gazing at the bookshop that didn’t have the right to exist anymore. It was tied too tightly to one bloody angel and that angel was gone.

In danger to be overcome by anger for the second time this day Crowley let out a soft growl because he simply had to do something. A woman was walking past him with her two kids and they quickly sped up their steps. Good decision. While they were rushing to get away from him somebody else was approaching him with a cup of coffee. Huh. There were some humans that Crowley was never going to understand. Nina was among them.

“Here.” She handed him the cup without any warmth in her voice. That didn’t make much of an impression since she had left her shop to bring him caffeine that he hadn’t asked for. Crowley was doing both of them a favour and ignore that little fact. Instead he accepted the cup and looked at it. Today he didn’t feel like downing it in one gulp or drinking it at all. Could be the hangover.

“Your shoes look like they were on fire.”

“That’s because they were.”

“Huh. Why?”

Crowley shrugged. “I was angry.”

“That happens quite a lot to you.”

How else was Crowley supposed to feel? He was a demon, forged out of misery, pain, anger and sulphur. For Satan’s sake, he wasn’t a fluffy pile of cotton candy. So he had been so furious that his feet had burned literal holes in the soles of his shoes. That was nobody’s business but his own. Moreover, he wanted to see Nina if she had to deal with one of these pests that called themselves guardian angels. Crowley was willing to bet money that she would start throwing empty cups at them.

Crowley had every divine and mundane right to be angry. Also, just thinking about the possibility of not feeling angry anymore was terrifying. That was something he refused to ponder. Because if he stopped being angry, then he would have to feel something else entirely. Something that he didn’t dare to uncover.

His lack of response didn’t push Nina away like it was supposed to. Instead she let him hear her sigh as she leaned next to him against the Bentley. Any other time Crowley would have hissed at her and maybe even revealed his snake fangs, but today he was simply too tired. Worn out from a hangover that he didn’t bother to miracle away, from the altercation with a guardian angel who had ridiculous golden hair, crushed by the confirmation that a certain angel was talking about him but didn’t bother to talk to him.

Tired from there being an empty bookshop in the middle of Soho.

“What happened between you and Mr. Fell?” Nina asked him and for once she didn’t sound like she wanted to strangle him. No, she seemed to be cautious and not because he had fangs, but because she was trying not to hurt his feelings or something horrible like that. Again, it was just adding gasoline to a raging fire, but Crowley was too tired to even lash out. His stomach was clenching though and he was tempted to run away.

Crowley did not want to talk about Aziraphale.

Crowley wanted to scream about what an idiot the angel was.

“I distinctly remember that I mentioned the big bloody promotion.”

“You did.” Nina agreed. “Clearly there’s a big part of the story missing though. Mr. Fell definitely didn’t give the impression that he was eager to leave his bookshop. If you ask me he didn’t give the impression that he was even thinking about leaving it.”

Well, he had left. Regardless of the impression he had made on Nina. Or on anyone. The bookshop had been left behind. Just like Crowley. End of story. Or it would be if Crowley could pluck up the courage and start a little nasty fire.

Nina let a few seconds pass, probably waiting for Crowley to make any kind of sound which he refused to do. Granted, her second attempt sounded a lot better. “I get that you are irritatingly stubborn, but I could help to vent. I know you that you are setting things on fire and random people start clawing at each other’s throats when you are feeling like shit. I don’t suppose it gets you very far. Thanks to some personal experience I do know that it can be quite satisfying to just rattle down everything that the other one did wrong. You look like a man who needs to vent. Desperately.”

Such a human thing to say and Crowley was fairly sure that this logical didn’t apply to him. On the other hand, he enjoyed other human things and he knew that it felt good to moan and whine. Mostly because it would annoy the hell out of Aziraphale and it would lead to the most interesting and exasperating conversations.

Aziraphale wasn’t here anymore.

“Alright. Why the bloody hell not. Hard to fuck this up even more.” Crowley sighed and pushed the cup that he hadn’t taken a sip from back into Nina’s hands, so he could bury his own in the pockets of his jeans. Also, it was very important to keep his eyes on the floor now. As soon as he opened his mouth the words started flowing out like a river, like so often with him. “Okay. Things were good. Really bloody good for two entire years. Good, peaceful, admittedly fragile. Didn’t know how fucking fragile. Then things could have been even better. Perfect even. If such a thing exists. If it does exist, it does exist for us. That’s what could have been and I said as much. I bloody said as much and he said no. Better was on the table. Better when things had already been good. Not up for discussion. Given the choice he decided to leave. To go back to the lot that hates him. Because he wants to change them. Because some sense of responsibility that hasn’t fucking mattered in two years, suddenly is much more important than… 6000 years that we’ve spent here together.”

Crowley wasn’t going to say that he felt better now that eruption of slight, grief and fury in form of actual sentences had left his system. Yet he didn’t feel worse and that couldn’t be taken for granted nowadays. He was still studying the dirty ground when Nina said something that made the inside of his chest ache. “More important than you is what you meant to say.”

“Obviously.” Crowley hissed back and considered getting his shoes shined.

“Being rejected is… I suppose it’s among the worst things there is. Simply because there is nothing you can do about it. They don’t even have to give you a reason and it sucks that you didn’t seem to get one.”

There it was again. A feeling that was wiggling its head, trying to tear down the wall that Crowley had meticulously built to keep it down. Once unleashed there would be no way to get control of it again. So Crowley refused to give in and buried it under his anger that was still burning as fiercely as several weeks ago when he had last taken a step into that bookshop. “Oh, I got a reason. Appropriately self-righteous and selfish. He cannot be here because he needs to fix Heaven which is stupid and he must know that. There is nothing that will fix that band of self-adulating wankers.”

“Wait a second. Fix Heaven? What do you mean by that?”

Instead of giving a detailed take on how much he loathed everything connected to Heaven and how much they could all go and die a painful death Crowley merely sighed and tapped his foot against the tyre of the Bentley. “Didn’t you go on about the news that are so bloody marvellous lately.”

Nina needed a moment to come back from that revelation and during that silence Crowley could hear his own heartbeat pulsing in his ears.

“I am sorry, I understand that you are angry, but I cannot see anything selfish about that. It looks like he is trying to make the entire world a better place. To do that he left behind people and places that are important to him. That’s probably the least selfish thing I have ever heard. Even when it doesn’t seem fair.”

An image flashed in front of Crowley’s eyes. To run her over with his car for making him say things and then to take the other side of this argument. The wrong side. To imply that he maybe had not the right to feel like he could never go to sleep again if he didn’t burn down an entire city. A big one. London didn’t seem to suffice.

“Rather easy to be selfless when you are the one leaving and not the one staying behind.” Crowley got in the Bentley and Nina didn’t more than two seconds to step back before he sped off. Not very far though. He made it around three corners before he abruptly stopped the car and ignored the outraged hooting behind him to rest his head against the steering wheel. It was getting excruciating difficult to stay angry and Crowley didn’t want to think about how he would feel when he had reached the point when there would be not a drop of fury left inside of him. When he would have used it all up. How he would feel then. When that wall would be coming down.

A knock on the window had him sit up straight and when he turned his head Crowley found out with some relief that he still could feel angry. Very much so, in fact. Rolling down the window he snapped and sounded more serpent than man. More serpent than demon. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

For the second time today Crowley was handed a coffee and that action came so out of nowhere that he was stunned enough to take it. The guardian angel shrugged softly, looking otherworldly and out of time in that Grunge style flannel shirt and with a messy curtained haircut. “I am starting my shift and I figured you would prefer this to me being invisible.”

“I would prefer you not being here! At all!”

“I would prefer it if we didn’t have to go over this again. I am here. I am going to be around. I can be an invisible pest as you call it or I can bring you coffee. That is up to you.”

That couldn’t possibly be the same guardian angel he had encountered yesterday. That one had been scared out of his mind. At least for a bit. This one seemed to be… insubordinate. Even if it was just a touch. Crowley’s eyes darted from the cup of coffee in his hand to the guardian angel. “Why in the name of all that’s unholy do you look like that?”

“I have never spent time on Earth being visible before. I am trying to find out what my style could be.”

Crowley was still staring at the outfit as if all six of the lost wonders of the world had reappeared. Black jeans. A flaming red shirt and a grey T-shirt underneath. Not even a single spot of white or beige. Were angels allowed to do that?

“Well, this certainly isn’t it.”

Unbothered the guardian angel shrugged once more. “I reckon it’s a lot of trial and error. So… are you going to tell me to go away? If not, I have a lot of questions that I would like to ask you.”

“That’s very unbecoming of an angel.”

There was an actual third shrug. “I told you I was curious.”

Crowley was staring at him with his mouth hanging open.

Chapter Text

Luckily the state of shock eventually subsided and Crowley’s mind re-entered a state that allowed him to have some coherent thoughts and get over this bizarre encounter that had thrown him for a complete loop. Embarrassingly so. Being rendered speechless by a guardian angel. The most shallow-brained creatures in the universe.

Crowley couldn’t and wasn’t going to have that. There was a bit of a relief though that he had now something to focus on, to throw himself into. Getting rid of that damned tosser.

“You go and be curious somewhere else. Last time I am saying this. Get. Lost.”

It definitely pushed a button that this bloody angel had the nerve to even look slightly tired of Crowley’s refusal to participate in this charade whose only point it was to drive him insane. “I cannot leave you alone. I am your guardian angel.”

Those words caused a very specific sensation in Crowley’s ears. They resembled a screeching noise, too high pitched for normal eardrums to stand, so they evoked physical pain and discomfort. Also, the urge to throw up in disgust. “I reckon those are the only words you know and that’s why you repeat them all the time. I will make it perfectly easy for you. I am a demon. Demons do not have guardian angels. Go away! Now!”

The pest answered in a way too soft-spoken tone. “I am a guardian angel. I am yours. This is merely an attempt. You do not have to talk to me if that is not something you want to do. I can be invisible like I would be for anyone else.”

Gritting his teeth Crowley grabbed the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. “I do not want you around in any shape kind or form! In fact I am going to burn you into a tiny black crisp of ash if you do not fuck back off to Heaven and do not come back. I will do it right here on the street because that’s how much I want you gone!”

Crowley could see something in the guardian angel’s eyes. Just a small and fleeting glimmer that wasn’t as self-assured and matter-of-fact as whatever he was saying. That wasn’t even fear, maybe uncertainty or nervousness. Well, it was something at least, but anything that wasn’t terror couldn’t be acceptable. The guardian angel certainly didn’t trust him, obviously, but he didn’t fear him either. “You are not going to use hellfire on me and I am not going to leave because I am meant to guard you.”

“Guard me?!” The insult cut so deep that Crowley felt the unbecoming temptation to bite the other’s head off. Alright, he would give that wanker something to work on. Crowley’s foot hit the accelerator and he headed straight for the destination that had just popped into his head. Guardian angels had the ability to simply appear out of nowhere next to their assigned person and Crowley counted on that when he jumped out of the Bentley and stalked up the stairs to the entrance of the building he had sought out. His hand was about to touch the door handle when a genuinely bewildered and slightly concerned voice stopped him. “What are you doing?”

“Breaking into a church.” Technically it wasn’t a break-in because this was a place of worship that anybody could visit at this time of day. However, Crowley was a demon, so if he stepped inside a church it could only ever be considered some sort of crime.

Wannabe Kurt Cobain who didn’t understand that such a bright tone of red could never be grunge looked at him with wide eyes. “Why would you do that?”

“I love the acoustics. Great for cursing.” Crowley pulled the heavy door open and an invisible force pulled it immediately shut again before he had even had the chance to take a step. “I am sorry, but I am not sure… I don’t think I can let you do that.”

Regardless of the guardian angel fulfilling his exact expectations Crowley felt his pulse quicken and the anger rising. “You don’t get to ‘let’ or ‘not let’ anything. You get to get back to Heaven and to be glad if that doesn’t involve a kick in your arse!”

There came his second attempt to open the door and the previous action repeated itself. With a soft click the door was pulled shut again and the guardian angel displayed a frown that was a clear testament that he wasn’t at ease. “I am sorry.”

“A heavenly apology? Don’t get one of those a lot. Would be nice if I gave a crap. You are a guardian angel! The most useless and pathetic creatures that Heaven has to offer and you don’t get to tell anybody what to do!”

“I am not…”

“Then stop ‘Not letting’ me do this!” Crowley was shouting as he tore the door open for the third time and this time this knob head wouldn’t even let him finish doing that. A stronger force than Crowley’s somewhat casual grip worked against him and almost had him lose his balance. Again, the door was closed and the guardian angel huffed a bit helplessly. “I can interfere and sometimes I am obligated to. This is the case here.”

Interfere?! Oh, Crowley would show him how much a puny guardian angel could interfere with him. Moving a bit back Crowley abstained from using his hands and miracled the door back open. With a lot more momentum than necessary. He had come here to show the muppet that he couldn’t stop Crowley from doing anything, couldn’t control him and certainly couldn’t guard him, whatever that was supposed to mean. Now there was also a fierce urge to hammer into his dense angelic head that Crowley was a demon and not made of the stuff that was considered worthy of heavenly protection. That disgusting tingle in the back of his neck.

The guardian angel did a little wave with his hand and the door fell back closed which made Crowley sizzle. A sound that was completely ignored. “It is my duty to make sure that things work out alright for you. This is a church. Sacred ground. Which would be painful for you. Also, it’s filled to the brim with Holy water. Which is a literal health hazard for you. Potentially lethal. No, you are not going to go in there.”

“I am!”

“You are not.” Firm but controlled and clenched fists that once more proved that he was a little out of his depth.

The church door was swinging back and forth like the shutters of a window during a thunderstorm. Granted, Crowley might have even thought it was funny if he had not been shaking with anger. “Stop that. Right now!”

Now he dared to shake his head. “You are the one who needs to stop. Especially since you are only doing this to irritate me and not because you feel like stepping into a church!”

Technically that was true, but it had turned into a battle of principals and Crowley wasn’t going to let a guardian angel get the better of him. “Argh, stop acting like you have any idea why I am doing anything!”

One very short second Crowley succeeded in breaking the guardian angel. Or the lever in his head which regulated the very angelic vocabulary. Completely messed up. Unusable.

“For fuck’s sake, please stop arguing!”

A rather simple four letter word that was fairly regularly used by almost every English speaking person on the planet. Definitely not enough to raise an eyebrow from any bystander on the tube. Clearly nothing that would ever evoke a reaction from Crowley. Except when that particular word came out of the angelic mouth of a guardian angel that was only supposed to spew nonsense about unicorns or rainbows.

Crowley was stunned. Mentally and physically. Consequently he forgot his counter miracle and nothing stopped the church door from swinging back with brutal velocity. It crashed back into the frame and the power of the impact ripped out one of the hinges. Finally silent, both of them stared at the broken door and it was fair to say that Crowley handled it better than the guardian angel whose eyes almost popped out of his cherub looking skull. “Oh no.”

To his eternal embarrassment Crowley had to admit that he was still too taken aback to make some smart comment. Fortunately the guardian angel didn’t need it anyway, he was glad to talk to himself. “I destroyed a church door! How am I going to explain?”

Finally Crowley’s soul slipped back into his body. “Bad maintenance?”

“I destroyed a part of a place of worship.” The guardian angel muttered in what seemed a genuine state of terror. “That is…”

“Just a bloody door. Pretty sure it wasn’t even blessed like the rest of the place.” For demonstration purposes Crowley placed his palm against the messed up door and moved it around. “See?”

The guardian angel’s eyes followed him and he stayed pale as a sheet regardless. There was something indisputably funny about it and Crowley started cracking a smile. Mostly at the other’s misery. He wanted to say something when he became aware of an elderly lady that had been walking past the church and was now openly staring at them and the broken door between them. “Everything’s in order, ma’am. Just performing the weekly exorcism. Fulfilling our catholic duty. Full of nasty demons this church.”

She ogled Crowley with absolute distrust, as she should, before she continued to walk past. Now there definitely wasn’t anything left to do but laugh. Or maybe just a chuckle. An amused huff. The guardian angel was giving off ‘I’ve been just traumatised’ vibes. Which was hilarious and Crowley had the distinct feeling that he could just leave and the angel would remain standing here like a pillar of salt. Such a beautiful thought, but now there was something Crowley wanted to know. “Do you do that regularly? Cursing, I mean. Not destroying sacred property.”

The guardian angel blinked and tore his eyes of the door to look at Crowley, coming out of his stupor. “Pardon? Uhm, no. No, I usually don’t. Usually people don’t irritate me. All of this was really unnecessary.”

Crowley pointed at himself with both index fingers. “Demon. What did you expect?” There was a lack of response which clearly sucked the fun out of it and Crowley sighed. “You do realise that nobody cares, do you? Up there. They will not even notice.”

A look of disbelief was the answer. “I damaged a place of worship by using a heavenly miracle.”

Sweet Satan, had this angel been born yesterday? “First of all, an unhinged door barely counts as damage and believe me, I know all about damaged churches. Secondly, absolutely frigging nobody is even going to notice. They don’t care. They’re not paying attention. A demon could hand out blessings and temptations at the same time and they wouldn’t know. They do not care, so no need to go into a trance for fear that they’ll smite you.”

“That wasn’t…” The angel trailed off and took a deep breath before carefully using a miracle to put the door back in place.

Leaning against the church wall Crowley looked him up and down and realised with a bit of grief that his anger had evaporated. At least his anger directed at the guardian angel. Sure, he was an annoying pest that belonged in a box that should be launched into the sea, however, he was not the one responsible. Moreover, his utter oddness had something intriguing about him. Grunge, red, cursing, questions…

“Okay, must be the joy of seeing an agent of Heaven in utter despair… I suppose you can stay around. One hour. Then I don’t want to see, hear, smell or feel you. Understood?”

“Feel?”

“Unbearable tingle in my neck whenever you do your guardian angel thingy. No more of that. For that hour you can be a good little angel and do your job. The rest of the day… I don’t know. Drive down to Devon and marvel at the cliffs. Spare time. Bloody go and enjoy it. Do we have an understanding?” Crowley locked eyes with the angel, his own of course covered by his sunglasses. The angel’s expression was fairly blank. “I understood what you are saying.”

Yes, guardian angels were the scum of the universe. “Oh, fuck you.” Pushing himself off the wall Crowley walked back to the Bentley. “You coming or not?” Not that he cared, the guardian angel could very well dissolve in a puddle of disgusting goo and Crowley would only be able to react with a shrug.

Yet when Crowley sat in his Bentley he didn’t have to wait for more than one second until that guardian angel slipped into the seat next to him. Right. So he was actually doing this. Yes, the regret was already kicking in. The guardian angel was looking over his shoulder at some of the plants that Crowley hadn’t bothered to put back into his flat. Again – that frown. Mentally Crowley dared him to say something. Any stupid snotty comment and Crowley would have the flimsiest reason to kick him out because more wasn’t needed. The angel remained silent and Crowley didn’t bother to swallow a disappointed sigh. Sod him and his two seconds of weakness.

Pulling out of the parking Crowley decided that in for penny meant in for a pound. He was absolutely going to hate himself by the end of this hour. “What’s your name?”

“Adriel.”

Well, bloody fucking hell. The same damned suffix as always and it had to start with an A because Crowley was in the burn book of the universe. Also, Heaven was so creatively bankrupt. “Geez, God really must have loved Lucifer.”

To his credit, which Crowley was going to begrudgingly admit, the guardian angel didn’t flinch or gape when he had mentioned the bogeyman of all angels. Also, he didn’t seem to take offense which was definitely shocking. No, all he did was to slightly tilt his head and ask a question. “What makes you say that?”

“He’s the only one who got a proper name. With every other angel it’s just – ‘iel’ at the end and that’s it. Honestly feels like a joke after some time.”

The guardian angel, Adriel, hummed pensively. “I suppose one could argue that it was the other way around. Everybody else got the preferred syllable except for him.”

“Bollocks.” Crowley spat, rolled his eyes and took the next turn a little bit more aggressively than necessary. “Being singled out by being made unique in a mind numbingly dull grey mass is not a sign of disdain.”

Perhaps the next disaccord would be enough to throw him out of the car. At full speed. It didn’t come. Instead the angel kept openly contemplating him. Unnerving. “Did you know him?”

“Who?”

“Lucifer. When he was still an angel.”

Odd enough. Crowley was almost tempted to look at him. “How old are you?”

“About 4000 years, I think.”

Crowley hadn’t met a lot of eternal beings that were younger than Earth itself. It made sense though, guardian angels hadn’t been needed before the existence of humans. Evidently, Lucifer had had burned wings for a long time at this moment. “Yes. Haven’t seen much of him after he became a demon. He likes to stick to himself. Especially after the whole translation disaster in the Middle Ages when everybody suddenly started assuming that he and Satan are the same person. They don’t really see eye to eye. Generally speaking neither of them socialises much.”

Adriel listened and propped his head up on one of his hands, his elbow resting against the door. “Are you different from other demons?”

Alright, for this Crowley had to look at him, only to grimace. “What kind of stupid question is that?”

“One that interests me.” Adriel replied almost casually and Crowley snapped at him. “Are you different from other guardian angels?”

“I don’t know. I spend most of my time on Earth, guarding humans. I don’t get to interact much with others of my kind. What about you?”

Crowley was up to his neck in regret. Nothing could drain one’s energy like a guardian angel. Looking back at the road Crowley shrugged. “I bloody well hope so. Most of them are barely literate and miss half a face.”

“You do not strike me as a typical demon.”

“And how many demons do you know?”

“None. I am basing it on hearsay. Things that are atypical. The ducks. The plants.”

Groaning Crowley shook his head.

“Being friends with the Supreme Archangel.”

Spinning around in his seat Crowley raised his index finger right into the angel’s face. Hopefully threateningly so. “You do not talk about him.” Every word was pronounced slowly and with a lot of weight behind them. “Am I making myself perfectly clear?”

Adriel held his gaze while he was being stared down. “Crystal.”

With his skin feeling too tight for him Crowley turned back to the windshield and realised that he wasn’t hearing any outraged hooting or screeching breaks. “Did you influence other drivers to steer clear from me?”

“You should not be allowed to drive a car.”

“Do not do that again.” This time Crowley opted for a growl. At least he had decided on a destination now. He was yearning for a drink. Something that tasted like wood and smoke. There was no more talking until Crowley had parked the Bentley and strolled into the next best pub. Sprawling out on a comfy chair in the corner with a tumbler of Talisker in his hand was definitely lifting his spirits. It didn’t even anger but baffle him when Adriel sat down opposite him. Also a glass in hand.

“Cursing and drinking? You’re sure you are part of that club from upstairs?”

“I am visible on Earth, I suppose I should try to blend in. Respect the customs.” Adriel eyed the glass in his hand before looking at Crowley. “On top of that… I am curious.”

That was something Crowley couldn’t fault him for or get mad at. He could find it strange though. “You keep saying that. A curious angel is like a good horror movie, very hard to find. Why didn’t ask your silly question before or did some exploring on your own when you already are on Earth all the bloody time.”

Adriel slightly raised his shoulders and Crowley had to admit that he did actually blend in rather perfectly. Probably more than he did. Definitely more than another angel whose name started with A. “Guardian angels are usually a lot busier than most angels. We’re constantly guarding more than just one person and breaks have only been recently introduced. Most still don’t know what to make of that idea. I’ve never been assigned to just one person. I’ve never had time off.”

Disgusted by the mere concept of being constantly bothered by work Crowley pulled a face and then took a sip from his scotch. One could definitely taste the Isle of Skye in that. The angel hadn’t tasted his own beverage yet, he was still watching Crowley. “I suppose that you will understand that being assigned to a demon also raised some questions.”

“Nah.” Crowley sank deeper into his chair. “I don’t get the way angels think.”

Adriel ignored that. “I very recently discovered that I am not going to be smitten for asking a few questions. Or saying anything in general.”

“I might still burn you.”

Tilting his head slightly Adriel kept looking at him, way too unafraid for Crowley’s taste. “I don’t think you will.”

That stung more than it was supposed to and Crowley wanted to take some control back. True, he had no desire to set the angel ablaze, but he couldn’t have him waltz in here and assume that he had Crowley figured out. “You are right, I won’t. It’s a bloody bother.” Another sip to build up the tension. “They might still smite you over the broken church door. Very bad job you did there.”

With quite a bit of gratification Crowley saw how Adriel’s celadon eyes grew a little bigger and his face a little whiter. “You said that they wouldn’t even notice.”

“I am a demon. I lie.” Crowley was very keen on letting the guardian angel believe that all of this was a ploy to get Heaven to destroy him.

Adriel parted his lips to say something, remained silent and closed his mouth again. There, he had been unsettled, gold star for Crowley. Moreover, he decided right then and there that he had had enough of this angel for today. It might have been an hour or not, Crowley had had his fill. “Time for you to pop off. You’ve done your job for today. Terribly, but you did it. Off you go and tell your idiot co-workers that they can prolong their fucking breaks to eternity. I don’t want any of them hoovering around me and if I only feel the slightest breeze in the back of my neck, I am going to burn down a church. Ciao.”

Of course Crowley didn’t miss that once again the angel didn’t agree to his terms and that did make his stomach twist. There was a small victory in it though because Adriel downed his glass in one gulp and then got up from his chair. “You have a good day.”

“You don’t.”

After taking a few steps Adriel stopped and looked over his shoulder because Crowley hadn’t suffered enough yet. “You are wrong, you know?”

That didn’t deserve an answer, so Crowley merely raised an eyebrow.

“Some of them up there do care. A lot.”

Another punch from a bloody guardian angel. Crowley was getting emotionally beat up by a jelly baby. Who was already heading for the door and to save some of his dignity Crowley called after him. “Grunge doesn’t work for you!”

The guardian angel left the pub and the demon stayed there, feeling utterly stupid for not having come up with something better. Bested by a guardian angel. Thank Satan that Crowley’s reputation in Hell was already ruined because he absolutely wouldn’t have come back from that.

Chapter Text

“I sincerely apologize but I fear that I do not understand your question.” The smile was unnaturally big and forced to an extent that it threatened to do some actual damage on the little angel’s face. Palpable discomfort, close to despair after having been forced into a metaphorical corner by the Supreme Archangel. A being the average angel had never thought to ever encounter. They certainly hadn’t expected him to come in here, unannounced and asking questions. Questions weren’t something that angels were familiar with. Generally there was no need for them. If questions were asked that implied that things had already gone array. If things had gone array there definitely had to be someone to blame.

If the Supreme Archangel came personal to ask you some questions, then things had gone inconceivably wrong and you were the one to blame.

After a couple of hours into this day (London time) and his enquiries exhaustion wasn’t one of Aziraphale’s concerns. It wasn’t even annoyance, although it had made its presence known quite some time ago and had become his loyal partner in this endeavour. No, it was starting to bother him that he felt less and less bad for putting the angels in a state of distress.

It wasn’t like this was his intention. Aziraphale was making an honest attempt at doing a good job and therefore it was necessary to talk to the angels. Ask them a couple of things. Try to get their perspective on things. Unfortunately until now Aziraphale had only succeeded in putting them in a state of terror. The very first time that had happened Aziraphale had almost spent ten minutes rattling down apologies and reassurances, feeling like the kind of person who would intentionally make a toddler cry. Evidently he must have done something wrong.

However, it had quickly turned out that no matter how he phrased the questions or how empathically he voiced them, the result didn’t change. It was the questions themselves that upset them and it wasn’t like Aziraphale was even talking about anything nasty or inappropriate. Quite the opposite. All the angels started to frown and to slightly recoil if he kicked off the conversation by asking how they were doing.

Despite his best efforts Aziraphale could not pretend that their reaction was in any way sensible. During 6000 years on Earth Aziraphale had checked in and out of Heaven quite some times, but only now he became aware of how removed he was from everything that was going on here. Or how insane, ineffective and unequal it was. Moreover, Aziraphale was now fully ready to admit that angels were among the most frustrating beings to interact with.

And, a fact that Aziraphale noted with a tight knot in his stomach, there was nobody in Heaven to complain to because it was filled with angels. And white. That didn’t seem like the right word. A blatant absence of colour. Like red.

There was no time to dwell on that thought since Aziraphale still had to deal with one more terrorised angel. Experience in that department didn’t help. “You see, I am rather new in my position and I want to familiarise myself with all parts of Heaven. That’s why I am here. So I would like to know what it is that you are doing.”

Again, Aziraphale must have phrased it wrong because the angel’s face was still displaying his worry and that he had no idea what to say or even think about the situation that Aziraphale had put him in. “I am doing what I have been assigned to. Most dutifully so.”

Now it was Aziraphale who forced a smile. It wasn’t the angel’s fault. It was nobody’s fault, but what would he give to have an actual conversation that didn’t end with a completely confused angel who Aziraphale had made uncomfortable by showing a personal interest in him. “Oh, I am perfectly sure that you do. Wonderfully professional behaviour. Wonderful. Could you please just specify in very precise words what it is… that you actually do.”

Wide eyes. One blink. Parted lips. Another blink.

This time Aziraphale couldn’t contain a very tired sigh. There was no denying that he was doing a pointless exercise. Consequently Aziraphale decided to put him out of his misery and leave him alone. Regardless, there was something he needed to say or he could have stayed in his office. “Nevermind, I fear I have to leave you. Duty calls. As it does. You go on doing your most diligent work. Just know that should you have any questions or ideas that would allow you to be even more efficient, you can share them with me at any time. Or concerns. Or complaints.”

Now the confusion had reached a point where the angel couldn’t even feel worried or scared anymore. His face blatantly stated that couldn’t grasp the meaning of what Aziraphale was saying and that was such a punch in the guts. “What could I ever have to complain about?”

Aziraphale smiled at him and he knew that it didn’t reach his eyes. “Minor inconveniences that make life unnecessarily hard. Injustice. Something that makes you unhappy when it wouldn’t have to. Anything I can help with.”

Another angel left behind in confusion and Aziraphale felt like a mountain was piling up in front of him. One that he had to physically climb and he wasn’t sure if he could even do that. Or if it was possible, how much time it would take. When time had always been such an abstract and unimportant concept to him, it suddenly had gained meaning. Not only that, it had gained the ability to evoke discomfort. Uneasiness. Anguish.

Straightening his back Aziraphale took a deep breath that was technically unnecessary, but it helped to ground him. To not get lost in a spiral of thoughts that would carry him away and lead nowhere.

At least right now Aziraphale knew exactly what he would do next. Inform Michael of a new executive decision. That was also how he was going to phrase it. Inform. Dealing with the archangels had turned to be a lot less stressful than Aziraphale had anticipated. Mostly because he had completely stopped caring about anything they had to say. Despite some of his best efforts Aziraphale couldn’t see any actual interest in the Almighty’s creation in them. Aziraphale wouldn’t even start contemplating the possibility that they harboured something similar to love.

That lack of admiration or simple softness for Earth made them a threat to something that Aziraphale held dear. Something that he loved. Therefore Aziraphale had clad himself in iron around them and stuck to a page out of Gabriel’s book. It was nothing that brought Aziraphale any joy, nonetheless it had proven to be an efficient method to keep them in check. Some phrases had to be strictly avoided. For example ‘please’, ‘I think’, ‘Could you’, ‘Would you’ and so on. Aziraphale didn’t like any of it, but there no way around it. This time, again, there was no beating around the bush.

“We are going to install a rotation system. The number of angels working on Earth is marginal which doesn’t make any sense since Earth is supposed to be Heaven’s centre of operation. Most angels have never been there and don’t know anything about it. Heavenly influence is going to be raised significantly. I was thinking of a rotation system to make sure all of the angels get to go there at some point. Moreover the administrative system in Heaven itself needs a complete overhaul. I’ve personally conducted the tiniest research and concluded that there is a shocking amount of angels who literally do nothing but wait for somebody to hand them a file. Sometimes that waiting period lasts for centuries. That is a shocking waste of resources, potential and… most of all it is just sad. We need to urgently redirect said resources. I expect some suggestions on this topic till the end of the week. Earth time.”

Michael blew up her cheeks and started rambling on about something like until now things had worked perfectly the way they had been. Aziraphale resisted the urge to justify himself and to explain. That would be a waste of time and time had started to matter. He thought of a demon and how he rolled his eyes, huffed and complained with all of his body without saying a word.

“I will save you the time. I don’t care what you have to say.”

The archangel wasn’t left behind in confusion but fuming anger and Aziraphale hadn’t lied, he truly did not care.

At least not about what an archangel had to say. The part of his soul that was able to care about anything was still perfectly functioning. In fact, it was starting to work overtime this very second. A subtle alarm went off. One for Aziraphale’s ears only and it caused his heart to skip one of its unnecessary beats. Suddenly and without warning joy could be found in Heaven. It was all Aziraphale’s and the prior lack thereof became all the more apparent. Aziraphale could mourn that later, right now all he could think about was getting back into his office and take a long and intense look at whatever suggestion had ended up in his box. The very first one.

When he finally got there Aziraphale took another one of those unnecessary breaths before conjuring the box. Somebody had bothered to leave a suggestion. Perhaps there was hope for the angels anyway. Perhaps they could indeed break out of this eternal stupor and begin to have some thoughts that hadn’t been crafted by someone who wasn’t them.

The excitement with which Aziraphale pulled out the small piece of paper resembled the one he had felt on Earth before diving into a marvellously beautiful melody. For an angel the handwriting was surprisingly scrawly, but Aziraphale was going to love this suggestion regardless.

By writing this note I do not intent to criticize the current state of things but to take this opportunity to point out possible areas of improvement that I believe to have uncovered after intense scrutiny and diligent work.

Hereby I would like to suggest reducing the number of guardian angels that are currently watching over the demon Crowley.

Aziraphale stared at the paper in his hand.

After guarding him for several weeks I have made the observation that the demon Crowley is very versed in the art of looking out for himself and is not keen on taking unnecessary risks or seeking the thrill of dangerous behaviour. He is not displaying the behaviour that would warrant constant angelic supervision.

As the main undertaking is to keep mundane annoyances away from him and to make his life generally easier and more pleasant, I do believe that one guardian angel should suffice. Two at the most.

It should also be taken into consideration that the demon Crowley himself has voiced his displeasure of having a vast number of guardian angels watching over him. He considers them annoying pests who have no business being around him. However, he seems to be willing to consider their presence under the condition that it would be reduced to an absolute minimum.

I am of the opinion that such an arrangement would be beneficial for both parties and that I would be capable of fulfilling all of my duties required by the assignment as the sole guardian angel.

My second suggestion is that the newly available guardian angels should guard all humans in close proximity whenever the demon Crowley decides to drive his car. He definitely should not be allowed to drive.

Thank you for your reading and considering my suggestions.

Yours faithfully,

Adriel – guardian angel

Slowly lowering the note Aziraphale let the words sink in and it took him several seconds to comprehend what he had just been told. There were implications. Naturally Crowley was aware of his angelic guards. He had been bound to find out. A very obvious thing needed to be done now. Fulfil his wish unconditionally because Aziraphale wanted to do whatever he could to make things better for Crowley.

That was the entire point of this absurd mission that Aziraphale had created. Angels watching over a demon.

The joy that he had felt was being crushed by the ever present weight on his chest. Heaven was not removed far enough from Earth to forget that there was a demon who was suffering. Aziraphale had seen it, he had felt it. Someone so human that the archangels had always looked down on him for. Not just feeling sorry for somebody else’s pain but starting to experience pain oneself for that very reason. Even when Aziraphale was the reason for that very suffering.

It wasn’t something that Aziraphale could take away and so he had completely thrown himself into the only thing that he could do. Making sure that nothing bad would ever happen to Crowley again. Aziraphale had Heaven at his disposal and if it took an army of angels to ensure nothing would go wrong for Crowley, so be it.

Except that Crowley considered this army as the very thing that was wrong. So Aziraphale should get rid of them without a second thought. Yet Aziraphale couldn’t do it, because here he was -  Supreme Archangel of Heaven, taking on all the adversaries and obstacles that had worked against him for millennia and the only thing that filled him with terror was the very thought of cutting that last connection.

No matter what he was doing, what problem he was trying to take on, no matter how gigantic, there were always those two questions right in the centre of his mind.

How is he doing?

Is he smiling?

Sinking down on his chair Aziraphale kept staring at the paper until the lines started blurring before his eyes. A complete cut was something he couldn’t bring himself to do. However this was the very first suggestion he had ever received from an angel and it was about Crowley. Aziraphale had to honour it.

****

“Are you literally doing this to irritate me? Because if so, kudos to you. Applause and gold star. You are doing a splendid job.”

The guardian angel frowned at Crowley’s greeting. Evidently he had no idea what was going on which was even more irritating. It was partly Crowley’s fault though. Who could be stupid enough to let himself be surprised by a guardian angel doing something stupid?

“Hello to you, too.”

That reproachful angel glance didn’t work on Crowley. “Nah, you don’t get a greeting. Firstly, you are a guardian angel. Secondly, you look like the member of a punk band from the early 2000s. I should not be seen with you.”

Adriel sat down opposite him, pretending that it was absolutely normal and acceptable to wear a grey T-shirt over a long sleeved white shirt and a messy loose tie. What was that thing there for expect for inviting Crowley to strangle him?

“I thought we’ve already established that I am trying to find out what clothes I prefer. I like this so far.”

Suddenly Crowley had to think of an old computer that was always working far too slowly and an obligatory update was now fucking it up completely. His brain appeared to have transformed into this very device. It simply couldn’t handle this angel who just wouldn’t fit into the established and unbending angel shape.

On the one hand he embodied all those unnerving and loathsome qualities like politeness, righteousness and being nice. Being judgemental without realising it. On the other hand, the guardian angel was sitting right here and his back was by no means in a straight line. Certainly his posture wasn’t as sloughed as Crowley’s, but he took advantage of the backrest. His legs were crossed, one hand placed on the table. He was wearing dark colours for Hell’s sake. Everything was utterly off about him and Crowley’s brain needed some rebooting.

“You are 20 years too late to wear this.”

Adriel subtly looked around, at the people walking past them on this busy Soho street. “Nobody seems to care. I see hardly anyone who seems to follow an established current trend. Even if that were the case, I wouldn’t have to adhere to it.”

Crowley blinked at him and then decided that this topic of conversation was not worth it to lose even more brain power. Instead he waved at the waitress and ordered another glass of wine. The guardian angel did the same before asking a question that made Crowley snarl. “So, how are you doing?”

“Oh, shut up.”

An eyebrow was raised at him. Not even offended but a bit confused and maybe disappointed. “Don’t ask small talk questions when you don’t want to know the answer to them. It’s bloody irritating and a complete waste of time.”

“I do care.”

“Bollocks.” Crowley raised his index finger in a reprimanding manner when Adriel dared to open his mouth to respond. “And don’t even think about giving me that nonsense that angels are naturally predisposed to care about everyone. Because they don’t.”

Like Gabriel how had given a fuck about a single human on Earth for over 6000 years.

“As a guardian angel I am predisposed to care about the ones I am guarding. You can argue with me about this, but I fear that you definitely don’t know as much about my kind as you claim. Guardian angels in particular.”

After rolling his eyes so many times Crowley should probably be worried that they might get damaged. “It’s an assignment. A job. That’s all it is. I am sure you can guard someone all their life and think they’re a wanker. Also, small detail you’ve missed. I am a demon. You are an angel. I am pretty sure I am excluded from the ‘caring about the ones you’re guarding’ part.”

Crowley was taken aback when Adriel tilted his head and his expression turned pensive. He was taking his time and actually thinking about it. No immediate denial or reassurance. “I am not sure it works that way.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Adriel was tapping his fingers against the table top and Crowley thought that it was the rhythm of some song. “I understand what you are saying and I do believe that there is some truth in it. Angels probably do not harbour a natural fondness for demons like they do for humans. Then again, there have been examples of long lasting friendships between angels and demons. At least one of them. So it’s not impossible.”

Unbearable heat was pooling in Crowley’s fingertips and he quickly placed his glass on the table before he would cause it to melt. Adriel’s green eyes darted from Crowley’s hand back to his face and of course he had noticed which only fanned the flames of Crowley’s anger. “Do not go there.”

The angel nodded softly. “Alright. I will not ask you how you are doing. Can I ask you something else though?”

“One of your curious questions?”

“Exactly.”

“Might as well.” Crowley shrugged, because he was mostly fine with anything as long as they could get as far away as possible from the topic ‘angels caring about demons and vice-versa’. He would have to accept that he had made a mistake by allowing this guy to be around. The levels of insanity in Crowley’s life had just gone through the roof.

“Did it hurt?” Adriel wanted to know. “When you fell from Heaven?”

What else could Crowley do but stare and he wasn’t the only one. The waitress had just come back to bring the new wine. She most definitely had heard what Adriel had said. Her bewildered and maybe slightly disgusted expression was proof of that. If she didn’t want to hear horrible supposed pickup lines, she should develop better timing. Crowley looked at her from behind his glasses. “What? Don’t you think that I look like an angel?”

A soft blush instantly crept onto her cheeks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.”

She hurried away, Crowley moaned audibly and Adriel… The angel chuckled. Honestly amused. “She was more critical of my choice of words than of your appearance.”

“I know.” Feeling irritated Crowley downed his old glass and Adriel turned serious again. “I would like to know though if you don’t mind. Did it hurt?”

Fine, this specific guardian angel might not have an empty head, however Crowley still wondered what the hell was going on in there. What kind of angel would ever ask this question or even think about any of this? Out of all things. “Why on Earth would you ask that?”

Adriel had no trouble answering it. “It was the first question I ever wanted to ask you.”

Crowley shook his head because he found himself unable to figure this one out. He had no idea why he started explaining. “Do they tell horror stories about that to scare the young ones? It certainly wasn’t pleasant, but it’s not like you’re being physically ripped apart and moulded into something new. There was a gruesome feeling of abandonment and being forsaken. That was… rough. Not surprising though. I knew I was on my way down before I fell. That I didn’t fit into Heaven anymore. That there was no place for me there. That knowledge made the falling part bearable. It went by shockingly quick. I reckon the worst thing about it was smell of sulphur. Couldn’t wait to get rid of it.”

“Why didn’t you fit in Heaven anymore?”

“Because it’s a bloody shit show run by people who don’t have a clue about anything and who punish the ones who care or who are actually excited about creation. They stump you for having a proper thought in your head that you’ve come up with on your own.”

By now Crowley didn’t expect outrage or offence anymore. Nevertheless he found Adriel’s quiet and attentive listening unnerving. Angels were touchy when it came to Heaven. Even if it treated them like shit. Even if it didn’t get how amazing they were. Even if it was too bloody stupid to understand that you were the very best thing that had ever come of it. They would still defend it. Go back even. After it had tried to toss you into Hellfire.

Adriel didn’t seem to be interested in taking sides during this conversation. “And is Hell any different?”

With a huff Crowley reached for the other glass. “No, it’s the exact same, but they do not pretend to be something else.”

The tapping against the table top had stopped and Crowley had no clue about what song that had been. Adriel tilted his head. “Don’t you think one of them could change?”

Not so long ago Crowley would have burst into laughter at that mere suggestion. He was way too tired for that now. He simply raised his shoulders. “I don’t care. I’ve checked out of this whole circus a while ago. Heaven and Hell. Hell or Heaven. I don’t belong neither here nor there. I’ve cut ties and bloody grateful that I am out of this mess.”

It was only now that Adriel showed some reaction and it was disbelief. “Is that even possible for beings like us?”

“Evidently. Look at me.”

The guardian angel still didn’t look convinced. “I don’t think that your ties to Heaven have been cut. You are sitting here talking with a guardian angel and you are constantly thinking about the Supreme Archangel who you will not allow me to talk about. Those are not cut ties.”

“Shut up!” Crowley’s voice dropped down to a growl and the soft tone that had carried their talk so far disappeared. “What does some guardian angel know about any of this?!”

“It doesn’t have to do anything with being a guardian angel. It’s enough to have eyes and ears. It happens that I possess both. You are still closely tied to this…” Adriel’s eyes darted to Crowley’s hand that he had balled into a fist. There was smoke rising from it. “… mess.” His voice sounded perfectly natural, but Crowley just knew that this wasn’t the word he had intended to say.

How badly Crowley longed to drink that new glass of wine in one gulp. Unfortunately picking it up now was not an option, his hands would turn the material into sticky goo. He would have to find a way how to repay the guardian angel for that. It would be a good start to burn his eyebrows off because it would make him look ridiculous.

For now Crowley would have to content himself with cooling down enough for a drink.

Green eyes were still watching attentively. “You are so angry all the time and I am certain that this has nothing to do with being a demon. I know this will make me sound like the gullible and stupid angel that you think I am anyway, but… I think you should stop.”

Maybe there was no need to cool down after all. Crowley kept his hand in a tightly closed fist. “No, I shouldn’t. If I am not angry, I will feel something else and I would not like that.”

Both of them remained silent for a bit until Adriel asked another one of his stupid dumb questions. “Would you like to throw some frozen peas at some ducks then?”

“Why would you suggest something so stupid?”

Adriel made a gesture like it was so unbelievably obvious. “I am your guardian angel and I think that doing something that you enjoy will make you feel better. Without making other people miserable.”

Fantastic, now he had actually succeeded in making Crowley sick to his stomach. “It isn’t a guardian angel’s job to make sure that people are happy. You are supposed to push them out of the way when a piano drops from the sky.”

“I am positive that I know more about my duties than you do.”

Could be, Crowley was not going to admit it though and he was not going to feed any ducks because he wanted to make a point. An idea popped into his mind, a lovely spark of inspiration how to get back at him and to prove that Crowley was right. “Have you ever made someone miserable before? It can be fun.”

Adriel quirked an eyebrow, his expression filled with suspicion, but not enough to instantly stop Crowley in his tracks.

Chapter Text

“I suppose it is time to leave you now.”

Crowley turned around to see that the annoying little pest behind him had stopped walking. Sure, when things could be easy and simple, an angel had to come along and mess them up. Heavenly. That earned him one of Crowley’s most patronizing eye rolls. Reserved for special occasions. “What? A guardian angel who is quitter? Unheard of.”

Like so often Adriel talked in this matter-of-fact manner that only served to drive Crowley up non-existent walls. “No, sixty minutes have passed. I have run out of the hour during which you said it’s okay for me to be here.”

Did he know how lucky he was that Crowley had nothing ready to throw at his head? “Oh, shut up. You’re not getting out of this on a technicality. Keep walking.”

That big distrusting crease between Adriel’s eyes was back. “Do I want to get out of something here?”

“Less talking, more walking.”

A very concerned looking guardian angel dutifully followed Crowley down into the tube station. There he watched with an even deeper crease between his eyes how Crowley placed an ‘Out of service’ sign in front of the escalator. “It’s not broken.”

Crowley would get him a little button that said ‘Captain Obvious’. For now he simply clicked his fingers. “Now it is.”

The crease was no longer alone, lines on the angel’s forehead joined it. “I don’t think…”

“Well aware. Keep doing that.” Crowley continued to walk around the station, the angel right behind him, radiating with discomfort. Excellent. It did wonders to Crowley’s mood. Should the little do-gooder decide that he had to manipulate his doing after all, Crowley was definitely not above telling him that a guardian angel was not supposed to interfere in such matters. Hell, he was Crowley’s guardian angel. If he was going to do anything at all, he should make sure that things were going Crowley’s way. Suddenly Crowley wished that the guardian angel would protest, so he could throw that in his face.

Adriel didn’t say anything for now. He silently watched how Crowley put up three more signs and constantly glanced over his shoulder like he was afraid of someone being there to scold them. Crowley didn’t know if he should be annoyed at his belief that Heaven gave a crap about anything or if it was more appropriate to feel sorry.

Anyhow, nothing was going to ruin Crowley’s fun with this one. Once his task had been accomplished they left the station and Crowley sat down at the table of a charming little café that was right opposite the tube exit. Adriel joined him and it was impressive that he could still move when he looked like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. Crowley’s mouth did something odd in reaction to that. He smiled.

Smiling at someone else’s misery, so that was okay.

“What are we doing here?” Adriel wanted to know and there was enough insistence in his voice that it was fair to assume he would press it until Crowley spat out a satisfying answer. “Leaning back after a hard day of work and watching the results.”

Which were a sight to behold. In lovely five minutes intervals a surge of people would pour out of the exit and they all had something in common. A very disgruntled look on their face. That was the obvious, on closer inspection there were more beautiful details. Staggered breathing, puffed red cheeks, muttered curses and absolutely no patience when that person in front of them didn’t walk at the exact pace that they wanted them to.

Things got even better when the waitress brought them their Irish coffees and Crowley could combine two of his most favourite past times: alcohol that been stored in barrels for several years and human being needlessly upset about mundane annoyances.

Not to forget the disapproving glare of an angel who was shifting uneasily around in his chair for being part of this. Angels were strange like that because he hadn’t done anything. Being a guardian angel Adriel had no business messing with a demon’s doing anyway, but since he was an angel, he had to feel bad about it.

“This was unnecessary and mean.” Adriel had decided to sum up the wonderful demonic deed like that and Crowley answered with a shrug while barely even lifting his shoulders. “Two of my favourite words.”

Another flood of people came to the surface, a rather prissy bunch. There was even some shoving and yelling. Adriel wrinkled his nose in disgust, Crowley sighed almost happily.

“I just realised that you were right.” Adriel stated softly. “It turns out that I am judgemental after all.”

Crowley was absolutely taken aback. That wasn’t the sort of thing one expected an angel to admit. Now it was out there. Fucking finally. Maybe just a little bit of mischief was enough to break Adriel and now Crowley was going to get the ugly truth served on a plate. Angelic virtues and demonic depravity.

“Obviously.” Crowley took a long sip from his coffee. “What gave it away?” He was ready to hear a long list of his misdeeds.

“It is a bit pathetic to get so upset about having to take the stairs.”

That came as such a surprise that Crowley almost slid out of his chair because he forgot how to sit for a second. Or slouch, in his case. “What?” Those four letters sounded like a cough and while Crowley was staring at Adriel, the guardian angel didn’t even notice. Too busy watching the flood off angry people who had had their travel plans messed with. The crease between his eyes was still there. “This is a minor inconvenience. A bit of exercise which is good for you. None of them is carrying anything heavy because you don’t do that on the tube. People with actual physical limitations take the lift anyway. See that one.” Adriel nodded into the direction of one particular man that zigzagged his way through the crowd and didn’t hold back some nasty words when the others didn’t move fast enough in his opinion. “I am absolutely judging him.”

What a rare occurrence. Crowley felt the want to take off his sunglasses and to make big questioning eyes at him. Mostly for the dramatic effect. By now weird words coming out of that guardian angel’s mouth shouldn’t be a surprise anymore. This however was on another level. Yes, angels could be judgemental of humans, nothing new. That he would be judgemental of them when it had beenCrowley who had created this situation was beyond him. Had he hit his head? Had Crowley messed him up when he had forced him to reveal himself? And would that be a good thing? Crowley hadn’t been born yesterday and he wasn’t making bold statements without having some experience. During his expanded lifetime he had met his fair share of angels, so he knew about their various limitations.

There had been an exception to prove the rule.

This, however, Crowley didn’t quite know how to stomach. Especially when he wasn’t the one being judged. To have some time to get his thoughts in order Crowley finished his coffee and studied Adriel’s profile who was still watching the tube exit. Face screwed up by discontent and indignation. Not directed at him.

Crowley decided to repeat himself because he had said it best some time ago. “That is very unbecoming of an angel.”

“Is it?” Adriel asked without looking at him. “Wanting people to be kind? And not stupidly petty and easily irritated?”

Okay, that was the normal stupid thing for an angel to say and that was something Crowley could deal with. “What happened to all the talk about spending most of your time on Earth? Shouldn’t you know then that people are exactly that? Stupidly petty. Easily irritated. Pretty accurate description.”

When the guardian angel turned his head to look at Crowley the soured and so very judgmental expression fell off Adriel’s face. Because it wasn’t directed at the demon at the table. As odd as that sounded. “I suppose you are right and it’s not news to me. I’ve always been working with individuals. Evidently I haven’t much about them as… a collective. They can be…”

Crowley felt his lips form a grin. “Irritating?”

“Well… yes.” Then the guardian angel actually uttered a deep sigh and indicated the waitress to come over. He ordered them two glasses of wine and clearly had decided to not look at Crowley’s little show anymore. “So… Is this…” Adriel vaguely gestured behind him. “… what demons do?”

Back to question time then. Crowley did what he did most of the time. He shrugged. “It’s what I do.”

“You cause minor annoyances that wouldn’t be half bad if people were a little more balanced and level-headed?”

“Yep.” Crowley took the wineglass right out of the waitress’ hand. Not much more to say. Even back in the day Crowley had always used demonic business to amuse himself rather than to plunge some soul that he didn’t care about into perpetual darkness. The well spread concept of tempting politicians or priests had never appealed to him.

“Again not what I’ve imagined.”

“Then what did you, the chirpy guardian angel, imagine that a rotten demon like me is doing?”

“Using the cardinal sins to tempt people and lead them down the road of depravity.”

“Nah. Way too predictable. Albeit effective. There’s one that works or everyone. I’ve always thought they were tedious.”

“Which one is the most common?”

“Listen up, will you? Not my field of expertise. Also, heavily overrated anyway. All seven of them. Nobody cares as long as you don’t go crazy with them. Neither Hell nor Heaven would raise an eyebrow. Fuck, Heaven is pretty much made of pride and vanity. Lots of pricks with their noses as high up in the air as physically possible. How could they ever fault someone for that? Oh right, because they’re a bunch of pricks.” Crowley was grinding these words between his teeth and then flushed them back down with a bit of wine. Adriel’s silence invited him to continue talking. That had always been one of Crowley’s problems, hadn’t it? Being able to go on and on and on.

“I know a couple of demons who are all about the cardinal sins because it’s the highest, purest and best kind of evil or some shit, whatever. It’s too much of a bother and it’s a whole lot of focus on one person. I put up a few signs and maybe a thousand people will be affected during the next hour. Time saving and bigger numbers. That’s what a quality demon does.” Crowley toasted himself and graciously ended this part of the conversation.

Of course the guardian angel didn’t get that and Crowley sighed inwardly.

“Well, most of them certainly display uncontrolled feelings of anger and a wish for revenge although as far as they know there is nobody or nothing to take revenge on. That perfectly fulfils the conditions of wrath. Which means that you do deal in the business of cardinal sins after all.”

What was it about angels that they were so annoying? The guardian lot in particular. “Everybody gets angry all the bloody time. It’s literally the most common feeling around. Nothing cardinal about it.”

“Your justification for not dealing in the cardinal sins sounds a lot like sloth.”

That tie was right there. Dangling around the guardian angel’s neck, teasing Crowley in ways that weren’t angelic at all. The effort he would put into choking him definitely wasn’t going to be a prime example for sloth behaviour. “Does it, huh? Your attitude is still perfectly judgmental. Very angel like for a change.”

That caused Adriel to frown slightly. “I am not judging you. I am merely pointing things out. I don’t know you well enough to judge you.”

Now that didn’t make any sense. “You just admitted that you were judging all those people. Do you know them personally?”

“That’s different, I suppose. I referred to them as a collective. I don’t do that with you. You are just… you. I am just getting to know you.” After slightly raising his shoulders Adriel took a sip rom his wine and Crowley felt like he was staring at a puzzle. The pieces were weird. Almost like somebody had poured out the content of two different boxes and mixed them together. One for a two year old child, big shapes in bright colours. The other one was a picture of the sea. No ships, no seagulls, just blue. A mess on so many levels.

For now Crowley made no attempt to figure it out, he was merely contemplating the chaos – looking at Adriel. Who was not self-absorbed enough to not notice. “Something wrong?”

“Oh, so many things. You are weird.”

As usual Adriel didn’t take offense. No, instead he continued to ask his silly questions. “For an angel? For a guardian angel? Or just me?”

“Bloody all of it.”

“I reckon that’s only fair. The first demon I came across turned out to be not representative of his kind.”

Crowley gave a trademark dismissive wave with his hand and felt the distinct urge to stop the talking for a while. That was unlike him, but something in the back of his head told him that there had been enough of it. For once the guardian angel seemed to comply with his wishes because he also remained silent. Time to call it a day.

It was right then and there when his phone beeped to inform him of a new message. That happened very rarely. Bordering on never. Not even feeling mildly curious Crowley pulled it out of the pocket of his jacket and glanced at it. It didn’t come as surprise that Adriel interjected immediately. “I reckon most demons don’t have a mobile phone.”

“The vast majority of them don’t even know what a computer is.” Crowley grunted without any spite while his eyes ghosted over the message he had received. A cardinal sin walked up to him from behind, patted him on the shoulder and proudly exclaimed that they were here to stay. Not even one of the fun ones.

Hello wrath, my old friend, you’ve come to talk to me again

“Would you mind telling me what is going on?”

Obviously his face was still talking while Crowley had decided to keep his mouth shut and the guardian angel was instantly alerted because the demon was starting to feel upset. They should go on tour with this. “The divorce lawyer just told me that my stalker showed up at her office to ask about me. She said that she scared them off, but I should definitely press charges because… Well, it’s absolutely mental to show up at her office since she has nothing to do with me.”

Adriel made a humming sound that was shockingly nonchalant. “That angel who used to watch over you really was not good at blending in. Or being inconspicuous.”

Crowley’s head snapped up and he was too taken aback to point out that Adriel was now being judgmental towards other angels. “Used to watch me?”

“You complained about there being too many angels watching you. I asked for them to be removed. I haven’t heard back yet, but I am positive that the request is going to be fulfilled.”

Crowley blinked because that was the one body function that hadn’t gone to take pause down the corridor to chat next to the coffee maker. Oh and that all-consuming cardinal sin that had toppled empires in the past? The jelly bean, who happened to work as a guardian angel, had chased it away. Clearing his throat Crowley rebooted his system. “Uhm… Thank you.”

With a smile on his lips Adriel nodded. “You’re welcome.”

Silence settled in at their table, after all it was necessary that this moment could linger a bit. Only Hell knew why. Crowley could have dealt with it a little longer.

“You should tell Victoria that you are not interested. I’ve guarded enough humans to know that rejection hits them a lot harder if they have time to build up hope that their affection will be returned.”

Adriel might have to protect a demon who didn’t fit the mould, but it was Crowley who was in actual trouble. He had been assigned the worst guardian angel to ever have existed. Guardian angels were supposed to protect and to keep harm an arm’s length away. At the end of Adriel’s arm there was a fist and it delivered punches. Mercilessly and he wasn’t even aware of that.

Looking at his phone Crowley took a breath and gave the pain a second to lose its initial bite. It didn’t do much. “That’s not just a human problem.” He softly muttered these words despite himself.

Opposite him Adriel slightly raised an eyebrow and otherwise remained silent. Thank Satan for that. Clearing his throat Crowley put his phone away and stood up. “I am off then. Bill’s on you, by the way. See you around.”

“Am I supposed to substract today’s surplus time from tomorrow’s hour?”

Crowley stared at him, then turned around and walked away, muttering under his breath about stupid guardian angels. They were the absolute worst. The waitress didn’t think so when she received an impressive tip from what she thought to be a lovely but completely ordinary man. Maybe a bit strange because before he ordered another coffee and immediately paid for it, he claimed “Actually I am the angel.”

***

The more attentive people in Soho wondered about some rather strange burn marks on the pavement. Their shapes were rather difficult to explain, but they seemed to resemble actual footprints.

A demon had left them behind as he had rushed towards his car while wrath and grief had been fighting for dominance inside of him. As he was sitting in his car, fingers tightly curling around the steering wheel, it became clear that there was no winner. Just equal misery. The scent of the burnt leather of his shoes was entering his nostrils and that made the demon lean towards wrath. He yanked his phone out of his jacket, his hand almost getting tangled up in the fabric. For another second he started at the cursed message he had received.

The demon wanted to yell. He thought he was going to yell. The sounds that actually passed his lips were quiet but blunt and cutting. Covered in both grief and wrath. “If there is something you have to say to me, if you want to bloody talk to me, then get your arse down here and bloody do it yourself! Otherwise stay the fuck away! Do not drive me bloody insane when you are not here!”

He was panting as if he had indeed been screaming. Then there was the waiting. One second passed, then another one. Nobody came, especially no angel. The demon sighed quietly to himself. It was what he had expected, yet not what he had hoped for.

After dropping the phone onto the passenger seat the demon pulled out of the parking and drove off. Grief had wrapped its hands around wrath’s throat and choked the life out of it. Without a tie.

***

Up in Heaven the Supreme Archangel was deeply engrossed in his work which kept him so far removed from anything that he probably wouldn’t have heard a courier in front of his desk speaking to him.

No actual words were ringing in his ears. However a sensation of guilt that he had been carrying around with him constantly became much more intense. Which was odd in itself since most angels weren’t able to comprehend the concept of a guilty conscience.

The Supreme Archangel wasn’t a stranger to it. Neither was he unfamiliar with experiencing want. As he sat there he lifted his head from his files and he wanted to leave. Be somewhere else. In a very specific place. A want so intense that it seemed to be physically pulling at him.

He was not going to leave though, because he had a job to do. An important one and nobody else was going to do it.

Even with his mind made up the wanting didn’t go away and yet he felt a vast emptiness inside him at the same time.

***

A guardian angel was relishing his coffee as he was sitting alone at a table, watching another load of angry people shuffling out of the Tube exit. Some of them were crossing the street and passing by the café. One man among them caught the guardian angel’s eye. He was moving around the crowd with no regard for anybody else and eventually bumped into a young woman, carrying a bag of groceries.

It fell to the floor, some apples rolled around on the dirty ground and the man barked “Watch where you are going” as he continued on his way. More than one other person knelt down to help the woman to pick her groceries back up, but the guardian angel wasn’t interested in them. He studied the man and wrinkled his nose. Celadon eyes darted down to expensive looking shoes and tightly laced shoestrings.

The guardian angel wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, except that he didn’t like this human and that he was feeling something that he couldn’t claim to be familiar with. If forced to he would probably label it anger.

With a loud yelp a man tripped and fell to the ground.

The guardian angel brought the cup of coffee back up and took a sip. It stopped his lips from forming a smile.

Chapter Text

A creature that hadn’t been created to experience want obviously shouldn’t be capable to even comprehend the meaning of the word ‘lack’. One’s existence was the requirement for the other one’s. It was that simple. At least in theory.

As a heavenly creation angels were made to fulfil their duties. To guard, protect, build, dispel darkness, to love and support. Wanting anything for themselves had not been in the blueprint. So either this assumption had been completely false to begin with or Aziraphale turned out to be the exception to a sacred rule.

That latter option could only be described as absolutely terrible. Excessively awful. Immensely direful. More adverbs were necessary to describe the severity of the situation. All of them. Being the odd one out made Aziraphale special in a way that he neither needed nor wanted.

Want. There it was again.

The list of things that he wanted was continuously getting longer and Aziraphale began to worry that he would eventually trip over it. His inability to tell if he actually desired to have them or if he missed having them around only added to his general frustration. Was there even a difference? Or was Aziraphale just sitting here, splitting hairs?

Want, need, miss. Where to draw the line?

Looking at his own hand lying motionlessly on the table top Aziraphale found it easier to stick to hard, unshakable facts. There was no cup of tea next to his hand. No cup of cocoa. Or even coffee. The absence of the cup, regardless of its content, had been painfully noted. Another adverb.

Closing his eyes Aziraphale stopped that deep sigh from jumping out of his throat by sheer force of will. Evidently he was aware that this philosophical discourse in his head was his own elaborate attempt to hide the blatantly obvious. Something that couldn’t be covered by mist or painted with camouflage.

Aziraphale was right here in Heaven and he was starting to reap the fruits of his hard work. Only five minutes ago Aziraphale had received most wonderful news. Thanks to some marvellous blessings and inspiration some influential people had looked into their hearts and were now contemplating if there were different ways to go about business that didn’t involve cutting down the South American rainforest. No, they weren’t quite there yet, but close and the odds had never looked better.

Said unarguably wonderful news had been delivered by a chirpy and hard-working angel with a big smile on his face, eager to announce a success. A success that he probably didn’t care too much about himself, but he was pleased to be the one to tell a superior about something that would please them.

It wasn’t like Aziraphale wasn’t pleased. He knew that this was a good thing. That knowledge was located in the back of his head and in the depth of his soul. Curled up in a very small ball, barely visible. The rest of Aziraphale, the overwhelmingly bigger part, wanted to loudly state that the messenger could keep any information about any forest and stick them somewhere. How about they gave him a bloody cup of tea instead? One still too hot to drink with almost transparent fumes still rising from it. Absolutely wonderful to wrap your hands around it and to savour the heat that was radiating from it.

Aziraphale’s eyes left his hand and slowly darted around his office. Heaven was characterized by a considerable lack of warmth. It had to be because it was no actual physical place and its design was sterile and bleak. Which made sense since physical objects weren’t needed here.

A cup of tea wasn’t a necessity. Feeling your hands heat up when you held it and then your insides when you drank it wasn’t something that people couldn’t do without. Having said that, keeping some of those marvellous green trees on the surface of the Earth was an absolute requirement for the continuous existence of life.

Here was Aziraphale, Superior Archangel, who had made it his only mission to ensure that life would prosper, and all he could think about was that cup of tea. The longer his mind dwelled on that desire the more others came along to claim a seat at the table.

Tea. Small chocolate pralines that melted in your mouth. An actual book made of actual paper. A breeze of fresh air against one’s skin. Music that caused one’s body to sing. Sunlight.

There was no novelty in any of this. Aziraphale had been missing all of them from the very second he had stepped into the lift back up to Heaven. Back then there had still been this prominent idea in his head. About how essential this job was that he was going to do. So utterly important that abandoning so many things that he held dear was a painful albeit necessary sacrifice. Nothing worthwhile came without sacrifice, wasn’t that right? And what kind of person would that make Aziraphale if he wasn’t willing to go without a couple of commodities that he had enjoyed on Earth.

Making Earth a better place and making sure that it stayed an actual place. A noble goal should make it rather easy to push other things onto the backseat. Except that Aziraphale wanted nothing more than to let go of the steering wheel, crawl back there and if the car crashed against a wall so be it.

Truth to be told Aziraphale wasn’t sure why today of all days was so much worse than any other day before. Perhaps tomorrow it would be a different story. However, today was a Tuesday (London time) Aziraphale was in Heaven, work was going splendidly and Aziraphale was about to start screaming.

To not do that Aziraphale did what he was supposed to and summoned his files to get back to work. A single glance at them made him recoil with a clenching feeling in his guts. Folders. Neat and carefully crafted, all of them. Not one loose crumpled piece of paper.

Aziraphale turned around on the spot and walked out. Out of his office, out of Heaven and right back down to Earth. Only when the warm sunlight caressed his face in a sweet gesture of welcome Aziraphale realised what he done and that it had been somewhat calculated even unconsciously so. This was very well London but nowhere near Soho. Nowhere near his bookshop. Forbidding himself to even go there mentally Aziraphale decided to consider this a well-earned holiday. Everybody needed one of those. Even the Almighty had rested on the Eight Day.

What? A little blasphemy this early in the day, angel?

A cold hand reached into his chest and Aziraphale shook his head. Hadn’t he told himself to not do this literally three seconds ago?

“Alright then. A couple of hours off. Not a big deal.” Aziraphale brushed down his coat and took a breath of fresh air before heading towards a lovely little café down the street. They served delightful tea and their homemade pastries were something to write home about. Also, the café had this stunning and lovingly decorated terrace that allowed its guests to enjoy the afternoon sun. Quite frankly it was everything that Aziraphale had always loved about being on Earth.

It didn’t change anything. Out there in the sunlight on the beautiful terrace with a lovely cup of tea Aziraphale still felt like screaming. Of course he didn’t. Instead he complimented the waitress on the service and the desserts and tried not to think about why the things he had longed for weren’t providing him any relief. Aziraphale already knew and he had forbidden himself to think about it.

All hope wasn’t lost yet. Not when he hadn’t tried out his most favourite pastime. For a very specific reason that Aziraphale also didn’t dare thinking about he didn’t seek out any antic bookshop that he was familiar with. This way Aziraphale ended up in one of this shops that had always avoided. Big, neatly sorted, commercial and not a speck of dust. All of those books seemed to be freshly printed, none of them had a certain scent or history to it. That wasn’t so bad. Aziraphale comforted himself with the thought that somebody would buy them and they would become part of their story.

The chairs were comfy and the shop was indeed quiet enough to sit down for a bit and read. Aziraphale instantly grabbed a Jane Austin novel from one of the shelves and settled between the cushions. Comfort was like warmth absent from Heaven. The book might not have any smell but the paper did feel lovely underneath his fingers.

Lovely but not enough. Not by miles. A band aid on an open ribcage. A bucket of water turning into smoke after being emptied over a bushfire.

Reading a book about love and pretending that this was what you were here for.

Aziraphale looked up from the page that had turned out to not be the thing that he was missing. What he wanted. What he longed for.

No, he wasn’t thinking about that. A no-go zone for his mind. Off limits. Forbidden.

What a pity that his mind could only do so much when his eyes saw a ginger shock of hair move between the different shelves. Jane Austin’s creation dropped from Aziraphale’s hands into his lap. It didn’t even take a second glance to verify without a doubt that this wasn’t Crowley. Just a young man who had used a bit of hair dye to obtain a similar hair colour. An ordinary human, nothing demonic about him. Or charming. Breathtakingly beautiful. Ridiculously kind.

All the adverbs.

Regardless of how ordinary that man could ever turn out to be, he had forced Aziraphale’s mind to go there. His little holiday, a pointless exercise in trying to kid himself. Yes, he missed the books, the desserts, the tea, the sunlight, the fresh air, but they weren’t the reason to come back down to Earth. Crowley was.

Now that this door had been opened Aziraphale had to face everything that was coming through it and apparently it was so much harder to direct his own thoughts when on Earth. This was London, Crowley was close by and Aziraphale could just go to him. Stand up, use his legs and simply go there. That was what he wanted to do and Aziraphale knew that he couldn’t for so many reasons. Being paralysed by fear for example.

It had been him who had left. Yes, Crowley had walked out of the bookshop first, but Aziraphale had walked off Earth. It had been Crowley who had bared his soul in front of him when it had taken him such obvious effort. Aziraphale had been honest as well, but he knew that he hadn’t spoken as openly as Crowley had. That he hadn’t put as much on the line as Crowley. Crowley had been the one who had started talking, he had been the one to offer himself and to risk rejection.

And who had received rejection. Just like Aziraphale had. Yet in a completely different way and Aziraphale was honest enough with himself to admit that it had to have cut Crowley deeper than it had Aziraphale. A terrorising thought since Aziraphale was lying on the ground with an open chest and weight crushing him.

Aziraphale wanted to see Crowley. Talk to him. Sit down and feed some ducks. Have dinner at the Ritz or at a seedy take-away that didn’t even have chairs.

It was not going to happen. Aziraphale couldn’t go there, couldn’t walk up to Crowley and say ‘Hello. I am here. Can it be like it used to be?’. What reason should Crowley have not to send him away?

Don’t bother

Aziraphale took a staggered breath. There was no way he could go there, look into Crowley’s yellow eyes and have him send Aziraphale away. Back to Heaven or just anywhere. As long as Aziraphale didn’t go there, didn’t risk that he could cling to that flicker of hope that eventually, somewhere down the road, things could go back to how they used to be. That when Aziraphale had fixed Heaven that he could come back and they could maybe recreate that… what had Crowley called it… fragile and peaceful existence they had led.

Until then Aziraphale was bound to miss, long and to hope. Besides doing his best to respect Crowley’s wishes. That was why he had ordered back most of the guardian angels although that hadn’t felt right to him. There was this other thing that Aziraphale wanted – to be certain at all times that Crowley was alright. As much as he could be. To make everything work out for him as well as it could possibly be.

Guilt was as ugly as it was insistent.

After leaving the bookshop Aziraphale took a slow stroll around, staying deliberately away from Soho and Mayfair, just in case. His steps heavy and his thoughts a mess. By the time he was back in the lift up to Heaven the sun had already set and it was too much. Too long.

Summoning didn’t have to work this way. Usually Aziraphale preferred it to be a polite call. To indicate them that they were needed. Not now though. With a small hand gesture Aziraphale worked a miracle and pulled the angel from wherever he had just been. The state he was in was so bizarre that Aziraphale could take a break from being melancholic for a second to feel bewildered. As this lift was already part of Heaven it was bleak and cold and the guardian angel stood out like sore thumb. Aziraphale’s brain worked extra hard to remember if he had ever seen the colour green here before. No, probably not.

Adriel’s eyes darted around in surprise and given the curl of his lips he did not appear to be overly excited to be here. Right, Aziraphale was already feeling bad for bringing him here like this, but waiting had not been in the cards anymore. Still, he made a mental vow not to do it again. “Hello Adriel.” Aziraphale made an effort to smile and the guardian angel grimaced ever so slightly. “This is a really bad time.”

A reflex almost had Aziraphale ready to apologize for the inconvenience and tell him that they could talk later on. That didn’t make any sense because Aziraphale was his superior and therefore it was up to him when he wanted to meet or talk. Moreover – why was it a bad time? That hint of annoyance turned into alarm. “Is something wrong?” With Crowley.

Adriel shook his head and a lock of blonde hair fell into his slightly glistening forehead. He looked so very different from the last time Aziraphale had seen him and he wasn’t just referring to flushed cheeks. He was wearing a very loose fitting bright green suit that somehow emphasised how lean he was. The jacket was unbuttoned, revealing a plain white shirt underneath it. His appearance didn’t resemble a guardian angel, rather a human who took a lot of photos of themselves to put them online.

“No, I was at a concert.”

Aziraphale blinked and felt his mouth drop slightly open. “I beg your pardon?”

Celadon eyes were leaving Aziraphale’s face for an instant and he cleared his throat. Actions that took mere seconds and yet they were aggravating Aziraphale. “I was at a concert.”

A concert good. That was fun. Something that people that did for fun. Crowley should be doing those kinds of things. Something that made him smile. Even if it was an attack on the ears. “He was at a concert?”

The guardian angel made a noise as if he was trying to get rid of a lump in his throat. It sounded like his answer was stuck. Aziraphale felt the instinct to offer him a glass of water. Finally Adriel said “Yes” and his voice was doing a strange thing. Going up at the end almost as if he was trying to form a question. Alarm bells were starting to ring in Aziraphale’s head. Was the concert a bad thing? One of those were people were all dressed in black and thought about nothing else than their own misery? Was Crowley okay? Or were things worse than Aziraphale had assumed. He almost didn’t dare to ask the question. “Is something wrong?”

Adriel’s head flung up. “Why? No. Of course not. Why wouldn’t everything be okay?”

This was awkward. “Could you please not do that? Right now I am the one who is asking the questions.”

“Didn’t you encourage us to ask more questions? In general.”

Aziraphale wanted to stick both hands in his own hair and pull. “Yes, naturally, but I have summoned you because I need to talk about… I need to know a couple of things. It’s important, so I will go first. You are free to ask whatever you want later on, certainly.”

It didn’t go by unnoticed that the guardian angel didn’t appear to be particularly happy, but that wasn’t something that Aziraphale could put up with now. Not after this so very unfulfilling day. “Would you mind telling me how he is doing? Since he has been upset recently…” What an understatement.

Adriel said nothing that Aziraphale hadn’t expected. “He is very grumpy. Angry a lot of the time.” Something inside of Aziraphale’s chest was constricting. “Lots. Not all the time. I have witnessed him smiling yesterday after causing some… mischief.”

Mischief, yes. That sounded so very much like Crowley and there was that word. Smile. “That… sound good. Thank you. I hope the mischief didn’t cause you any trouble as a guardian. Thank you for doing such a good job.”

Remaining silent Adriel simply nodded and he still didn’t seem at ease. “Is there anything that you want to ask now?”

“No, I don’t think so. May I get back to work, Supreme Archangel?”

“Yes, of course. Thank you again.”

Aziraphale made the rest of the way back up alone, feeling equally relieved and devastated. In his office he found that there was a suggestion in his box. Giving the events of this day Aziraphale expected it to be from Michael, suggesting that the Supreme Archangel should be at his desk and not roam around on Earth.

It wasn’t from Michael.

***

Oh, that poor soul that dared to come here and wake him up. Crowley was already balancing a fireball in his hand as he slowly walked up to the door. The knocking still hadn’t subsided and it was giving him a headache. For the first time in what felt like ages Crowley had made it to actually fall asleep and some maniac who didn’t consider life as anything precious had decided to show up and reduced his beautiful sleep to a short nap.

Still knocking.

“You damned little wa-“ After yanking the door open Crowley was faced with someone who wouldn’t automatically run to the end of the world at the sight of a fireball. Which was frustrating. With a groan Crowley let the fireball turn into smoke with a little puff. “What the hell do you think you are doing?”

“Sorry to interrupt whatever you are doing, but would you mind if moved my hour a bit around. To now. To be exact.”

Crowley wasn’t going to reward the angel’s madness with an answer. “Piss off.” There, door closed right in his face. Now hopefully back to bed and sleep for a week. Or a century. Turning around Crowley almost jumped out of his skin when the guardian angel was standing right in front of him. If anybody had seen that the last remains of his bad reputation would have suffered the same fate as the fireball. “Don’t bloody do that! You are not allowed in here. Go away!”

Adriel had enough decency to look a little bit sheepish but definitely not enough to leave him alone. “I apologize for intruding. I am sorry. Can you give me just five minutes of your time? Please?”

Had that angel smashed his head against the wall too many times? At least that would explain his too wide eyes and the mad idea that he could just walk into Crowley’s flat. “I was sleeping!”

The guardian angel blinked at him. Clearly he had forgotten what troubled him if only for a second. “You were? Sleeping? Really? That’s… I will ask about that some other time. There is something I need to know now.”

“I need you to leave!”

“I think I am in trouble.”

“Another gold star!” Crowley snarled and rolled his eyes. “I can get that fireball back out.”

“I did something bad.” Adriel blurted out and swallowed visibly. “Two bad things actually. Might be three when I think about it. I am not perfectly sure. I need you to figure this out.”

Alright, Crowley was still annoyed and yearned to go back to sleep. However, a guardian angel in crisis who thought that he had messed up had something intriguing about it. Naturally it would only lead to disappointment. “What? Did you only apologize fifteen times when you bumped into somebody on the street?”

“I… I lied.”

Voilà, disappointment. Yawning loudly Crowley turned around to walk back into his bedroom. Lying. How boring and plain. Most people were doing that without even realising.

“To the Supreme Archangel!”

Now Crowley did an actual little spin and stared at Adriel who looked at little calmer now that he had got that off his chest. “Come again?”

“I was summoned. Without warning. Abruptly. That usually doesn’t happen. I think he might have done that because I was doing something that I was not supposed to. He asked about it, I got nervous and I lied. For the first time. Ever.”

“Do you expect a pat on the shoulder or a parade?”

“No, I…” Adriel looked a little pained. “I want to know if you think he knows that I lied.”

One never knew with Aziraphale and Crowley didn’t have the time to think about Adriel’s problem because there was only one thing he could focus on. “You talked to Aziraphale? Personally. Like today.”

“Evidently. I got my assignment from him.”

“Yes, sure, but… you talk to him?” Crowley repeated that mostly for himself and Adriel seemed confused. “It happens, yes.”

Questions were flooding Crowley’s mind, painfully probing it, demanding to be voiced. To be shouted out. How is he doing? Are his eyes stupidly purple now? Has he changed? Do you even know what he was like before? What is he actually saying about me? Is he content up there with the other wankers? How much does he regret that stupid decision? Why won’t that damned angel come down and talk to me? Am I an assignment now like all the other demons? Is he okay? Is there any chance that…

Crowley would rather bite his own tongue off and eat it than say a single one of those out loud. Not to himself. Not to a guardian angel. Not to the universe because Aziraphale was somewhere in it and might hear. The questions were there though, undeniably and Crowley had to do something so he wouldn’t drown in them. Adriel was the closest thing around, evidently he had to focus on him. “What did you do that you aren’t supposed to? Did Heaven hear you curse?”

Adriel dragged his teeth over his lower lip and buried his hands in the pockets of his green suit jacket. “I was at a concert when I was supposed to be guarding you and got summoned right in the middle of it.”

Words and letters, lots of them. Crowley wasn’t sure if they made sense, but he managed to grab the important bits for himself. “Are you saying that you aren’t actually hoovering around me all day long like an annoying fly?”

“You were very clear about not wanting that.”

“Sure, but who in this entire mess of a universe would ever expect an angel to do as you ask him to?”

“I am still there most of the time. Not all the time. Also, I’ve set an alarm. I would know if you were in trouble.”

“What a fantastic babysitter you are.” Crowley was going to throw up. “Okay, so you took some time off. Not a big deal.” A shrug and the conversation should be over. Of course Adriel didn’t think so. “I reckon he would consider it a big deal.”

One of Crowley’s eyebrows went up. “Why’s that?”

“Because it’s about you.”

Crowley stared at him with his mouth open and Adriel sighed, showing definite non-angelic signs of impatience. “You know him. Do you think that he knows that I lied to him?”

“No idea. What are you even worried about? Did you say that you had figured out that nobody was going to smite you?”

“For asking questions. Nobody said anything about lying.”

No, Crowley was too tired for this, well aware though that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again. Nevertheless he wanted some peace and quiet. “Did lightning hit you? Did the voice of the Almighty resound in your head to scold you? Was there a scent of sulphur in the air?”

“No, but…”

“Nah! No more talking. You’ve been sent to do a job and you’re trying to make the best out of it. That’s the sensible thing to do. You are guarding a bloody demon, you are allowed some leeway. If the higher-ups want the job to be done differently, they can do it themselves. There, your encouraging little speech. Now off you go.”

“Are you saying this to reassure me because you are nice or are you saying this to get me into trouble because you are evil or are you trying to corrupt me because you are a demon?”

“It’s number four. I am saying this to get you to leave because you are irritating and an angel and I am tired and a demon. A very tired demon who is going back to bed now.”

“Do you mind if I stay here? In case I get summoned again?”

Crowley threw a fireball in his direction and Adriel finally disappeared. Falling back down on his bed Crowley lay there with closed eyes. Sleep was a relic of the past.

Chapter Text

Taking all factors into careful consideration Crowley had no other possibility than to admit that he must have lost most of his natural terror and ability to fill any being with fundamental fear just for being in the same room with him. Perhaps it was a sign of getting old, perhaps it was related to him not having done any proper demon work in ages. Or simply because guardian angels were the one lifeform at the literal bottom of the universe and Crowley had managed to end up with the worst of them.

When a guardian angel was lying on your couch, ears covered by headphones and he wasn’t even acknowledging your presence, it was high time you questioned some of your life decisions. For a moment Crowley was simply standing there, watching the angel. This was a dangerous precedent. If Crowley didn’t set him on fire instantly, Adriel could gain the impression that he had a right to hang out in Crowley’s flat. That this wasn’t a highly dangerous and rotten place.

What if he emptied a cup of hot coffee over his head? That sounded appealing. Stain those perfectly golden locks. That could be a good nickname. Would that annoy him? It was certainly fitting though. That was Crowley’s couch after all, his flat and his bloody cushion that the guardian angel was resting his head on. Okay, technically there were no more locks. Today his hair was cut short on both sides and longer at the top. A particularly clean fade. At least he looked like he actually belonged into this decade now.

Crowley still wanted to kick him in the shins.

Alright, he had to re-establish some boundaries and prove to himself that some of his hellish charisma was still in place. He approached the couch with his usual stroll and stopped right in front of it. A tiny miracle to adjust the lighting in the room, so his shadow would tower over the guardian angel. Larger than life. Demonic force of evil. And snarl, of course.

One of Adriel’s eyebrows went up and he tilted his head to the side. The second his eyes met Crowley’s a polite and friendly smile began to spread on his face. “Oh, good morning.”

That was it. Crowley was now officially a relict. He would grab his things and move right into the museum. “What the bloody and definitely sodding hell do you think you are doing?”

“I decided to come by a bit earlier today. Too early, in fact. I figured you were still asleep. I wanted to listen to some music anyway.”

Yes, because that was a completely reasonable and sound explanation why anyone would settle down a demon’s couch. Crowley pinched the bridge of his nose, right above the rim of his sunglasses. This was the exact place where his headache was forming. Criminally unfair, headaches. When you didn’t even need your brain, least of all your head. Not just a simple headache, it was seasoned with a hint of resignation. That left him with his usual weapon of choice – spite and sarcasm.

“Can’t imagine what you would be listening to. Some white guy with a guitar who recorded the whole session sitting on a barstool and who couldn’t play an upbeat song to save his life?”

Crowley didn’t wait for an answer but instead pulled the headphones right off Adriel and took a listen himself. Instantly his expectations were thrown out of the window when his ears were deliciously assaulted by a shredding guitar riff. Now one of his eyebrows was going up with the tiniest bit of appreciation that he could ever muster for a guardian angel. Just a speck.

“Muse. Quality. You must hate it.” Crowley dropped the headphones right onto Adriel’s chest who was so startled he flinched. Ha, finally some satisfaction.

“Oh no, not all.” Adriel sat up and miracled the headphones away. “I quite enjoy them. I am still trying to find out what style I like. If you have any recommendations I will gladly listen to them.”

It took a few seconds to dispel the speechlessness that had come over Crowley. “I recommend that you do not come into my home uninvited, Goldilocks.”

A frown. Very good. He didn’t like it.

“Like in the fairy-tale?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Turning around Crowley headed for the kitchen to get himself some coffee. Lithe steps were following him. “That annoying little brat waltzed right into somebody else’s home and touched all their stuff with her greasy, greedy little fingers.”

“I am not here to touch anything. I am here to guard you.”

In the kitchen Crowley stopped dead in his tracks and stared the counter. That was new. That didn’t belong here. “What did you just say about not touching things?!”

“I didn’t touch your things. I brought the coffee from the outside.”

Crowley contemplated the cup as if it could get up to bite him at any second, then he turned to Adriel. “Why did you bring coffee?”

The guardian angel answered with a shrug which wasn’t a typical gesture for him. “Part of the job description. Make life easier and more pleasant for you. You drink a lot of coffee. I got it from one of the shops you like to spare you the hassle of going there.”

“Cut the crap, you are a guardian angel. Not a butler and you haven’t bothered with something like that until now. What’s up? Something is up. I can smell it.”

“What you smell is the coffee.”

“Shhh!” Crowley shushed him and to reinforce his point he pressed his thumb, index and middle finger tightly together. “Don’t try to be smart with me. You don’t get to be smart with me. You are a guardian angel, damn it! You’re not supposed to make smart comments or have witty remarks. You are supposed to be boring and invisible and not here. So now shut up and tell me what’s going on.”

“I cannot shut up and talk at the same time.”

A guttural scream came out of Crowley’s mouth and he brought both hands up to his head because theatrical gestures were desperately needed here. “That’s it! Done and over with. Hellfire for you it is!”

“Okay, okay!” The guardian angel’s hands also came up. Unlike Crowley’s in a soothing manner. There were small lines of worry around his eyes and his mouth formed a strange line of awkwardness. “I suppose… I felt like I had to be especially attentive today and be here. Because I wasn’t when I was supposed to be on duty last night.”

Good, Crowley wasn’t going to set anything on fire just now. “You are overcompensating? Because you’re afraid somebody is looking into what you’re doing? Heavenly supervision?”

It could be his imagination, but Crowley thought that Adriel had started to squirm a little bit. “Is that so hard to believe? I’ve been summoned when I wasn’t fulfilling my duties. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that they will check on me again.”

Crowley would be gracious enough to share 6000 years of hard earned experience with this little pest. “I think that it’s entirely unreasonable that you think any of those wankers upstairs give a toss about whatever you do down here. It’s the same with Hell. They cannot be bothered to check what any of us do here.”

The look Adriel gave him wasn’t one of complete disbelief. Like so often he gave the impression that he was honestly considering whether Crowley was right or wrong before deciding it was the latter. “Perhaps that is the case with other heavenly assignments. Not with this one though.”

By the end of this Crowley’s hair was going to be white or he would run out of the power to roll his eyes. Not yet though. “And why is that?”

The guardian angel looked right into his eyes and because his kind wasn’t able to hide the tiniest emotion Crowley could see the genuine surprise. “Because you are important.”

At some point Crowley had to get used to the punches that Adriel regularly let rain down on him while looking so perfectly oblivious to it. That one felt somehow harsher. More brutal. Like it hadn’t been fingers curled into a fist who had delivered it, but an object with a very sharp tip. With barbed hooks attached to it. Piercing through flesh and then it stayed there to cause continued agony. All of that delivered by a creature with a sweet face and trusting eyes. A literal angel. The irony of it.

“Leave. Now.” Crowley didn’t waste his breath on any threats now. No big words or cruel promises. All he did was stare at Adriel from behind his sunglasses and sizzle every syllable. Filled them with contempt and animosity and let the other one feel that he had committed an unforgivable wrong against Crowley. Nothing more to say or talk about. The other party was no longer welcome and their prolonged presence only evoked more anger and disdain. Crowley was radiating those feelings and his demonic nature enhanced them. For normal people his company would mean an inexplicable sensation of discomfort and uneasiness.

However angels, they could sense the darkness and for them it was infinitely worse. Like being licked by the smallest possible flames of Hellfire.

Fortunately Adriel understood this time and he didn’t put up a fight. Didn’t even say a word. He just disappeared and Crowley, in a fit of what was clearly rage and definitely not desperation, threw the paper cup of coffee out the window.

Unfortunately it didn’t hit anyone.

***

Philosophical questions were occupying Crowley’s mind. The nerve-wrecking and at the end of the day absolutely gratuitous kind.

Crowley was a demon. So far not so good but not so simple. He was also miserable. Things stopped being simple right there. Would it help if he tried to go out there and make other people miserable too? Create little mirror images of him. That would make sense. It was the thing demons did. Going around and handing out misery like pamphlets on the street that nobody wanted to have. Just thrust it in their hands and then it’s their problem to get rid of it.

The problem was that Crowley didn’t play very often by the demonic rulebook in the first place. Spreading his misery around like the flu didn’t sound very appealing to him. Maybe it was the misery itself that was calling the shots now and it wanted all the attention. It had decided that Crowley shouldn’t do anything but sit there and ponder his misery. Wallow in it. Look at it from all possible angles and get even more miserable while doing so.

During that moment of introspection Crowley realised that misery wasn’t the only word imprinted on his brain. Its letters were snugly interwoven with the ones of another one. One that this daft guardian angel had uttered to make sure Crowley never wanted to see a glimpse of him ever again.

Important

In the depths of his souls misery stretched out its limbs and made itself at home. It was ready to stay for a rather long time and gestured at him to continue his train of thought.

When important people raised their voices, their calls usually got answered. Important people didn’t get left behind. Abandoned. Important people mattered more than principles. Important people were the ones that you were supposed to deal with personally if they were important to you.

Calling somebody important when you couldn’t be bothered to even be on the same planet as them was an insult. An insult that only added to Crowley’s misery.

As it had already been decided that he was not going to spread it, Crowley set about wallowing in it. He couldn’t do that at home because he had stormed out of there after having got rid of that abrasive cup of coffee.

Insulting. Not good enough of a word. It absolutely failed to capture how much felt like the bud of the cruellest joke the combined forces of the universe had come up with. The enormity of it. A cup of coffee. Shoes that wouldn’t get wet. A parking wherever he went. A babysitter. A whole bloody planet all for himself to play on. Didn’t that make him such a special little demon? Wasn’t Crowley bloody important?

This so very unfathomably important demon had chosen St. James’s Park to wallow in his misery. Or maybe he hadn’t. It was entirely possible that he had just ended up here because it was a place of which his legs knew very well the way to. Perhaps they expected to find someone there. His favourite bench was unoccupied which could be a coincidence or because of Crowley’s upmost importance. After sitting down Crowley whiled away the time by watching the ducks hang around the pond. They didn’t have a sod to give. They didn’t care about who was important or not. They didn’t care if there was somewhere another pond full of ducks or if they were the only ducks left in the entire world.

Maybe Crowley should reconsider and spend the rest of his existence as a duck. They appeared to be perfectly happy and didn’t have to put up with anybody’s shit. Then again, somebody would probably end up feeding him bread and Crowley, because he was a masochist and an idiot, he would eat it and suffer for being stupid once again. Not an option after all. Better to just sit here and wait for himself to stop feeling this way. What did he have if not loads of time?

To tell how much of all that time had passed until something broke the monotony was an impossible task and Crowley wouldn’t even start trying. He could say with absolute certainty though that the monotony was immediately dearly missed.

“Hello. You haven’t been around for a bit.”

Hadn’t he? Crowley couldn’t really tell. There had been a couple more things on his plate than usual. One big guardian angel for example. Meant to literally drive him insane. Barely even raising his shoulders Crowley made a gurgled noise which definitely didn’t sound like he had intended. “I’ve been busy.”

Sitting down next to him the lawyer hummed softly and Crowley thought that she was definitely attentive enough to be able to tell that her presence wasn’t entirely welcome. Which meant that she chose to ignore that. Crowley also noted that there was no cigarette in her hand which was worrying. It felt like he was in for an actual conversation. Why did people feel the need to talk to him all the damned time?

“That’s good. Nothing worse than boredom, I assume.” Victoria paused. Probably to give Crowley the opportunity to say something. Whatever that might be. An opportunity that he gladly passed on. The only thing that he had to say was that he didn’t want to say anything. That moment of silence quickly went away and even the demon with the most limited knowledge of human behaviour would have been able to tell that this was going to be bad. It was all in the tone. Very careful, like a balancing act.

“You did not respond when I messaged you about the stalker that showed up at my office.”

It didn’t actually matter how little Crowley knew her, it was blatantly obvious that she had more than one thing that she wanted to get off her chest and that her motive was an honourable one. This mean-spirited and overworked divorce lawyer was trying to look out for him. Crowley didn’t want her to do that. She could complain and moan about her assistant, Crowley was perfectly fine with a murder complot. However, what he actually wanted was to be left alone.

“Not a stalker. Just doing what they’re told.” Crowley mainly pointed that out because that was an accurate description of Muriel. Whoever did the telling was a minor detail. Almost not noteworthy.

“If we’re going to take definitions seriously, I suppose I cannot claim that I have been frequently harassed.” Victoria’s experience in the courtroom or simply at staring people down until they gave in was on clear display as she kept her eyes firmly on Crowley’s face. Those were the moments he was really glad that he could at least hide a little bit behind his sunglasses. “Very much unlike you.”

Crowley pulled a face and made a dismissive grunting noise. All in all very typical behaviour for him, nothing that should raise a red flag. It wasn’t like he thought that any potential words would simply get stuck in his throat if he tried to voice them. There was hope if he didn’t say anything that she would eventually let it go. Like that was going to happen.

“Look…” Again, the tone. There was a cautious softness to it that set Crowley’s teeth on edge. “In my line of work I have witnessed a vast number of such situations. I know how jarring and uncomfortable it is for the ones involved. I understand that it’s not something one wants to talk about if it’s not absolutely necessary. And because I am so familiar with how these things go down, I feel like it’s immensely important to say a few things out loud here.”

No, wrong. Absolutely, bloody wrong. Saying things out loud ended up in disaster. One might even say it drove people off the planet.

“You do not have to put up with this. It’s harassment, plain and simple. A lot of times it’s the hardest part to admit to oneself how much things have soured. That a person you’ve been very close to no longer has your best interests at heart. I know the both of us made some jokes and I am aware that you are capable of looking out for yourself, but the very first time when I started talking to you, I did so because what they are doing is not okay and you don’t have to put up with it.”

“I am not putting up with anything.”

“Yes, you are. It’s not necessary though. There are legal ways to deal with this. It’s not that much of a hassle when you have someone who knows what they are doing. I know what I am doing and I can take care of it for you. Sure, only if that’s what you want, but as somebody on your side, and there are always sides, I urge you to take action. Your ex-partner needs to realise that there are limits.”

“It’s not like that, actually.”

“Crowley, somebody was sitting in the bushes to spy on you. They might sit there right now. They came to the office of your park acquaintance. Granted, I don’t know the details of your separation, but if there are no demands, no legal quarrel over assets… then the sole purposes of actions like these are to cause stress and mental harm. I believe that this is what’s happening here.”

“That’s really not what’s going on.”

“So what is going on?”

There was nothing he could say to that. Firstly because whatever ‘what’ was, as a human being Victoria lacked the ability to understand it. Secondly, Crowley didn’t have a clue himself. What he did know was simple. It wasn’t like she thought it was and Crowley’s insides twisted when he listened to what she was saying about Aziraphale. The picture she painted of both of them.

“Okay, I’ve learned over the years that sometimes it’s necessary to be completely blunt, otherwise the message doesn’t get across, not when there are still feelings involved.” Her stare was unforgiving and caring at the same time. Unbearable. “If there isn’t a divorce or some legal battle going on, then the only motivation to do any of this is cruelty or pettiness. To inflict pain.”

Crowley felt himself growing smaller. Like the outer parts of his body, notably his skin, tried to crawl inside of him. To offer as little surface to be attacked as possible, to get away. The latter shouldn’t have been so difficult. Yet Crowley saw himself unable to.

“Obviously that’s not something one likes to admit or to think about, but ultimately that’s how things can go back to normal.”

Normal had ended a long time ago. Crowley couldn’t imagine anything that sounded sweeter than to recreate this past state. That wasn’t the normal Victoria was talking about and Crowley knew that it was gone anyway. Out of his reach. Nothing lasts forever. Misery had strong and big arms. Perfect for a crushing embrace that could swallow him whole no matter how small he had already become.

“It’s not like that.” His voice lacked its usual sharp edge. Probably it had already shrunk into nothingness.

“I have to go by what it looks like. It looks like you are the one who holds on to hope that things can be patched up when that’s not in the cards anymore.”

That miserable embrace became enough to cut off his airway. Pointless, Crowley didn’t need to breathe, but it was pure agony to go without it.

Victoria’s ringtone was professional, as expected from a successful lawyer. A classical piece, lots of violins. Crowley didn’t recognize it. Aziraphale would have. Oxygen became a distant memory.

With one hand fumbling around in the pocket of her coat Victoria silenced that persistent noise and kept talking. “It looks like they are keeping tabs on you to make sure that you still have trouble to move on. Maybe they gain some kind of satisfaction from it, maybe they need it for self-assurance. I don’t know what it is, but I know with absolute certainty that having somebody snoop after your ex is not a sign of affection. It’s anything but.”

Crowley’s throat was constricting and it was accompanied by a violin concert. This time Victoria pulled out her phone to immediately cancel the call. “I see this so many times. After the end of a relationship people like to cling to any kind of attention they’re still receiving from the other party. They mistake it for proof that there are still feelings when the opposite’s the case.”

That seemed to make sense, didn’t it? It neatly fitted into the narrative of leaving in the first place. Of staying away. Crowley wished that it wouldn’t ring true. He also wished that she would stop.

“I am sorry.” A sudden and harsh wind tugged on Victoria’s coat. Almost violently. The collar even seemed to try and slap her as it flapped around. It was clearly not enough to refrain her from talking. Crowley’s trousers leg didn’t even move.

“I don’t mean to rub salt into open wounds. I just want you to know that what’s going on is not fair to you and it’s not right to let this go on like this. To let somebody mess with you because they feel like it.”

Crowley sank deeper into the bench and it refused to swallow him whole. Which wasn’t fair because all he wanted was to go away. Some place where he didn’t have to feel like this. Or a switch off button that would make everything go dark.

“Pardon me but I do believe that this has been quite enough.”

Crowley looked up and Victoria spun around to stare at the man who had to have snuck up to them on feathers. Or he had appeared out of nowhere like a guardian angel.

With blatant distrust Victoria looked the stranger up and down. “I am sorry. Who are you exactly?”

The blond was talking with a soft voice and with a complete lack of smile. “Nobody of importance. You’ve already missed two calls from your office. I reckon it wouldn’t be the worst idea to check up on what’s going on. They probably have need of you.”

None of that made her look at him with less wariness. In fact she merely narrowed her eyes. “Have you been watching us? Are you one of the people getting paid to shadow him?” There was no instant response and Victoria’s gaze turned from the stranger to Crowley who didn’t even want to imagine the look on his very own face. “Oh. Is he the one we’ve been talking about?”

The word ‘No’ almost got stuck in Crowley’s throat.

“I am the one to tell you that you have made your point and that now is a good time for you to leave.” Adriel definitely sounded different from all the times he had talked to Crowley. Polite enough but with enough emphasis to make sure that this wasn’t a request.

“How dare you to…”

“Victoria.” Adriel made a step towards her and she fell silent. “I know you mean well. It has been acknowledged, but you are causing him pain. That’s why I need you to go. Back to your office. Have a cup of coffee, go over your files and have a nice day. Don’t think about this anymore.”

Without another word Victoria walked away. Her coat was only slightly moving to the rhythm of her steps. There wasn’t the slightest breeze to tug on it. A deep sigh escaped Crowley’s throat before he sucked in a long missed breath. It was strained and burned a little bit on the edges but it was an improvement beyond words.

Still a bit confused and mostly overwhelmed Crowley looked at Adriel who hinted at a tiny smile with just the corner of his mouth. He was turning around to disappear again and Crowley had to try and get his vocal cords to work again. “Wait.” It was a croak that he hadn’t spent a single thought on. This could only be blamed on a sudden and nonsensical feeling that it wouldn’t be the worst thing to have him stick around.

The guardian angel raised a golden eyebrow and because words were still a problem Crowley cocked his head to the side and tilted his chin towards the empty space next to him on the bench. Adriel took his time and even after he had sat down Crowley let another minute pass before getting out these two words. “Thank you.”

“You are welcome.”

Burying his hands in the pockets of his jacket Crowley let his head drop against the back rest at an angle that allowed him to avoid looking at Adriel. “Why?”

“What she said made you feel very bad. I dare say that it was painful. I am your guardian angel. That’s the very thing I am supposed to shield you from. That’s what I tried to do. It took four attempts. Sorry for that. Normally I don’t have to show up in person.”

Crowley nodded, his eyes staring up into the sky. “Sorry by the way.”

“It’s alright.”

Silence crept in between the two of them again and Crowley was almost content to let it go on for a little while. At this point misery didn’t weigh as heavily. It was Adriel who finally spoke up and Crowley couldn’t say that he particularly minded. “Just for the record. Guardian angels are not sent to people who don’t matter anymore. We definitely are not meant to be a bother. We don’t get sent because of spite. I object to the notion that my presence is not a sign of affection.”

Crowley turned his head just enough to get a look at the golden shock of hair and Adriel’s slightly offended expression. “Do you want to get a drink?”

“Sure. Gladly. Can I ask some questions if the first round is on me?”

“Alright, fine.”

Chapter Text

Angels being angels wouldn’t order scotch before the sun had set. Which was annoying, but Crowley felt that he could easily put up with it when Adriel placed a glass of beer in front of him on the table. Or not because the second Crowley closed his hand around it he found out that it wasn’t cold enough and scowled. Adriel turned his hand upside down and Crowley felt the smooth surface growing cooler against his skin. That little kindness had him raise his eyebrow, simply because he hadn’t expected it. His face must have been a real give-away.

“Thanks.” He muttered under his breath and made a mental note that he was saying this way too often. Curse him for being a polite demon.

“You’re welcome.” The guardian angel slid into the chair opposite of him and like bloody always his eyes were glued to Crowley’s face. Normally that would merely annoy him, right now it made Crowley deeply uncomfortable. A little too exposed.

“I would like to start with the important one.”

Right, the questions that Crowley had agreed to. Quickly he took a sip rom his beer, so he couldn’t say no and he instead pulled a face. Adriel would definitely categorize that as a positive reaction. What could he possibly consider important anyway? Crowley didn’t even dare to imagine what that mind could come up with after that conversation in the park. Something close to the truth probably. Which was humiliating. And somewhat relieving? At this time Crowley hadn’t decided how he felt about this yet.

“You might find it offensive.”

That could be a silver lining. “Those usually are the good ones.”

Adriel nodded slowly and his curious eyes met Crowley’s without any timidity. “Is this really you or is it a very elaborate ruse?”

Good cold beer was way too precious to spit it out, but Crowley would gladly choke on it. “What?”

“I don’t really think it is, but I don’t know. You are the only demon I’ve ever met and I find it hard to tell…” Adriel made an unsure gesture with his hand. “It would be a good one too. Not dabbling in the practises that one would expect from a demon. Like the cardinal sins. Rather some harmless mischief that provokes confusing thoughts. That you can experience grief and loss. Gratitude. Those are not qualities associated with demonic entities.”

It was not the first time that an angel described Crowley in a way that didn’t please him. During those times the word ‘kind’ had been used excessively. This was certainly different and Crowley had the inkling of a feeling that he would like this even less. Because either the guardian angel was onto something or he was the fool that Crowley liked to treat him as. “And what is your observation worth since I am the only demon you’ve ever met?”

“I don’t know, but I am thinking about the implications. The scale of the idea. A demon who in truth is exactly the way we imagine them to be. Formed out of evil. But they could play this game and they would appear to be different. Not particularly interested in doing anything actually malicious. Rather in living their own life in a quiet and peaceful way. Pretending that Hell’s business is more of a bother than anything else. That there might be common ground to work for both parties.” Adriel’s hand was lying motionlessly next to his glass on the table. Evidently the only thing he was interested in at the moment was Crowley’s reaction and whatever it was that he possibly had to say.

That was one strange angel. Crowley was a bit of an expert in that area and yet he was taken aback by this. The whole idea of it. The matter-of-fact way that Adriel presented it in. Wouldn’t that be a strange alternate reality? Maybe an easier one. The demon that Adriel was referring to definitely would be much harder to screw over. Was that the image the average angel had of him? For some inexplicable reason Crowley doubted it. Aziraphale must have considered it though. Otherwise it didn’t really seem possible. Had he ever come to the conclusion that this was nonsense? Or had he left because he hadn’t?

No, that couldn’t be. Right?

Luckily Crowley had learned a very useful trick from the humans millennia ago. If things get annoying, burdensome or just too hard, you just take a drink. Every little thing that brought him a break was welcome. “And what would that ruse be good for? It sounds like a lot of work and pointless.”

“Ingenious actually.”

Fine, Crowley could deal with being flattered even for something that he couldn’t take credit for. “Aha? To what end?”

“To do what demons do. To tempt.” Adriel tilted his head and for a fleeting second he averted his gaze. “I suppose to inspire a wish to help you. To make other people more receptive for your suggestions. To put ideas into their head. Dark ones.”

Yes, alright, that sounded like the work a very dedicated and brilliant demon. As if Crowley could ever be bothered to put so much work into anything. Also, there was always the bother of… Wait a second. Crowley stilled and let the words sink in a little deeper and make their impact. Only then he took a moment to look at the angel in front of him. Really look at him.

Another outfit, again. A purple leather jacket with a black hood and an equally black T-shirt. The golden hair was curled in the front but not long enough to fall into his forehead. His green eyes were resting on Crowley’s face and something about them told the demon that the angel just waited for an opportunity to pull away. To end this line of conversation that he himself had started.

Crowley was a demon after all and he wouldn’t go down that route. “Other people?”

Even as he was just sitting there Adriel appeared to recoil slightly before making an effort to stop himself from doing so. The way he tilted his chin up was a testament to some fragile bravery. “Yes, among others. Angels. For example.”

“Are you trying to say that I corrupted the Supreme Archangel? Filled his head with demonic thoughts. I’d be in for a promotion. If I were still working for Hell.”

“I am not saying that this is definitely the case, but I still have to entertain the possibility that you are extraordinarily good at what you are doing.” Ever so slightly Adriel raised his shoulders and Crowley answered with a sigh. “Well, I guess that’s the last proof we needed to make it official that you are a shite at being a guardian angel. Couldn’t you tell that I was feeling horrible in the park? Are your guardian antennas all tangled up?”

“My non-existent antennas work just fine.” Adriel wrinkled his nose at that. “They are the reason I came there in the first place. Nevertheless you could just be masterfully deceitful. Are you?”

The question had the potential to be both amusing and absolutely devastating. “What do you think?”

“I already said that I don’t believe it. Cannot be sure though unless you tell me.”

“I am a demon. I lie.”

“Somehow I don’t think you will. I am willing to trust you on this. Probably because I am a guardian angel and guardian angels are known to be gullible and stupid. Also irritating.” The hint of a smile was playing around his lips.

Argh, to Hell with it. He felt no desire whatsoever to terrorize the other one. “Nope. I can’t claim to be masterfully deceitful or extraordinarily vicious or whatever you have just said. I didn’t come up with a ruse that lasted thousands of years. I am just a very tired and lazy demon. Who feels bad from time to time. That’s it. You are right about guardian angels being useless and annoying though. Me – not a ruse.”

That hint of a smile got a little bigger. It looked genuinely content. “That’s good. Well, I suppose not all good. I cannot blame you now, but it’s still good. I’m glad. I like this version of you.”

This was a bombardment of words and Crowley felt like he should seek shelter under the table. His first instinct had been to ask about whatever for Adriel would like to put the blame on him. Too bad that this thought promptly went up in flames as soon as the guardian angel had added that last part. “Don’t say that. Demon and angel. Not wanting to ban the other one from this planet at this moment. That’s quite enough.”

Stubbornly Adriel lifted his shoulders. “You can gladly go through your list why this is stupid or make up some reason why that shouldn’t even be possible, but that doesn’t change anything. I think you are good and interesting company to be around. You are alright. Therefore it’s fair to say that I like you.”

Crowley blinked and a list of all the angels he had ever met after becoming a demon ran through his head. None of them could make such a bold claim. Taking a liking to him. Utter madness. There was no point in reasoning with this particular guardian angel. Naturally Aziraphale had had to send the crazy one after him. Just his luck.

That last thought surprised Crowley. It had no bite to it. None whatsoever.

“Right. I am amazing. For example I know how to dress properly.” Nonchalantly Crowley took a big sip from his beer and noticed with satisfaction that Adriel quickly looked down at himself. Bingo. It was a cheap shot and factually incorrect. Crowley liked the outfit quite a bit.

If the remark had left a dent in Adriel’s confidence he didn’t let it show. “Now that we’ve established that you are not pulling off an elaborate ruse lots of new questions are in order.”

No, Crowley was done with being interrogated. Granted, this conversation hadn’t been half bad and Adriel hadn’t been wrong when he had pointed out that Crowley could experience gratitude. He could and he did. Towards the guardian angel himself for getting him out of a much more unpleasant conversation. A pretty painful one, truth to be told.

“You know what’s in order? It’s in order that you keep silent for a second and I am the one going through a list of intrusive questions that are none of my business but really fun to ask. For me at least.”

“That only seems fair. I am listening.”

“And you’ve already made it less fun by agreeing to it.” Crowley groaned and considered some of his options. There was more than one thing that he wanted to ask, however wanting to do something and forcing one’s body to actually do it were two vastly different matters. Therefore Crowley settled for something in the middle. “Doesn’t that bother you in any kind of way? That part about thinking that I am not complete crap. Isn’t there an angel bone in your angel body that just tingles and complains? Aren’t you afraid that lightning is going to strike you the second you voice that?”

Suddenly Adriel wore indeed the expression of some clueless and air-headed guardian angel. It looked wrong to say the least. “No. Saying that I don’t like you would be lying.”

“There is always the possibility of saying nothing at all. A sweet, sweet blessing.”

“Telling somebody you appreciate them is a good thing. Moreover I believe that you liked hearing it. Like pretty much anybody would.”

Despite saving him from Victoria Adriel hadn’t lost the ability to deliver the emotional punches. And as usual he wasn’t even aware of it. Crowley let himself sink further into the uncomfortable chair almost like a reflex and muttered into his non-existent beard. “One would think so, right?”

Since Adriel had at some time overcome the limitations of being a guardian angel and wasn’t stupid, he naturally picked up the change in atmosphere. The sudden layer of tension in the air. It didn’t intimidate him. “The Supreme Archangel and you…”

Crowley warningly narrowed his eyes at him which was useless because they were hidden behind his sunglasses. Also, he more or less had lost the ability to glare at the other one.

“… did you have a falling out?”

There were no words to explain or describe what had happened between him and Aziraphale over a couple of millennia, so Crowley made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a huff and shrugged at the same time. That should explain it. At least it hurt less than trying to talk about it.

“Victoria believes that you have been romantically entangled.”

What an angelic way to phrase that. Just about as ridiculous as the actual reality. Crowley pulled a face. “Certainly didn’t notice that.”

“So? Is it true?” Considering the angel’s voice and expression one might be tempted to believe that this question was about something that wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. Not ridiculous or shocking. Scandalous. Absurd.

“For a very long time Aziraphale and I were the only two eternal entities on this planet. Spent a lot of time together because nobody else was around. Except for humans, but… Well, they are humans. No point in having an actual conversation with them. We had conversations. Lots of them. Since there was nobody else around. Obviously. There was only us. Became friends. Guess it happens. Quit Heaven and Hell together because they got really prissy when we worked together to save the world. He got offered a job in Heaven, the same place that tried to kill him and he left. That’s your entanglement. Untanglement. Whatever.” As soon as the last word was floating in the air Crowley raised his glass to his lips and emptied it in one go. The bitter taste remained.

Adriel ever so slightly hinted at a nod. “He left you.”

It didn’t need to be said that the guardian angel had understood that the misery he had felt radiating from Crowley had been caused by that particular event. Aziraphale leaving.

“Did what he thought was right. As angels do.”

“I know that it’s not my place to comment on any of this, however I am your guardian angel and I need to look out for you. I can see that his leaving affected you. In a bad way. I can also tell that’s the same for him. Maybe the two of you should have a talk.”

How many times during his very long lifetime had the urge snuck up on him to belt out a loud and disbelieving ‘Ha!’? Crowley certainly didn’t have a clue and he didn’t bother to even try and go down memory lane. He absolutely felt the urge now. Not that he would ever give into it since it was undignified and painfully lame. For a demon like Crowley it felt more appropriate to toss his beer right into Adriel’s face and tell him to cool down because his tiny guardian angel brain had overheated and was facing an immediate meltdown. A downright tragedy that his glass was already empty. That was the only thing that stopped him. Only that and nothing else.

However, it was a necessity to tell Adriel how much of an idiot he was.

“Right. Any more great ideas from the angel who spent 4000 years without talking to anyone? Talking. Fantastic. It makes everything worse.” His voice had done something strange there. It had gone down. Suspiciously quiet and that hadn’t been Crowley’s intention. He most definitely didn’t like that. It provoked the urge to keep talking, to mask what had happening. This time he gave in. “It’s the very worst thing in general. Talking. All the words and they have meaning. Or they don’t. Depends entirely who you are talking to. If you ask me it’s to blame for everything that has ever gone wrong. Look at anybody who has ever done anything fucked up in their entire life. I bet they’ve had a conversation at some point in their life. Bad idea.”

The guardian angel blinked. Stared at him. Then blinked again. “That is an unbelievably stupid thing to say.”

“Shut up. You are a guardian angel. Your brain isn’t even capable of comprehending stupid.”

“It’s capable of figuring out that you are deflecting.”

“Shut up. You’re my guardian angel. You’re obligated to indulge me.”

“All I am saying is…”

Crowley shushed him by bringing a finger up to his own lips. “Stop. Nobody is going to talk. Get it? No talking.”

Adriel put his displeasure on display on his face and formed an ok sign with his right hand. Begrudgingly Crowley had to admit that he was impressed that the other one could make a gesture look sarcastic.

Good, at least they were on the same page now. Having a talk with Aziraphale. Ha. What else to expect from a guardian angel? That wasn’t going to happen and Crowley didn’t give a toss about what Aziraphale had to say. He could stay right where he was. With other idiots that Crowley didn’t care about. Right. Just stay up there and don’t call in. Adriel must have talked to him recently. Right? He had mentioned as such. So theoretically Crowley could ask about him. If he wanted to do that. Which he didn’t. Like how was he doing. Or if he only used Adriel as a means to try and talk to Crowley. Nah, he didn’t care regardless.

Sign of affection he had said. It wouldn’t be the first time that Aziraphale had mishandled a situation. Because he was an angel and stupid like all angels. Which didn’t matter because Crowley had as many shits to give as a lonely penguin on an ice floe. Then again, the guardian angel wouldn’t lie. Okay, he had lied once. To Aziraphale. Why was Crowley still thinking about this?

“On the topic of guardian angels…” Crowley cleared his throat to stop his voice from doing that thing again. “You are mine. Which means you work for me. You are not going back upstairs every day and fill out reports about whatever I am up to.”

That little shit raised his shoulders and hands to shrug like only a person in an internet meme would. Time to refill that glass to throw it at him.

“Come on.”

Adriel covered his mouth with one hand, then did that horrible shrugging pose once more. Looking awfully spiteful. Crowley groaned half-heartedly. “Alright, you can talk now. And what if I were to ask you to keep whatever the two of us are talking about between the two of us?”

Picking up an invisible key from the table Adriel locked his own lips and then made the whole gesture redundant by saying “Naturally.”

It was equal parts relief and disappointment. Obviously no more proof was necessary to determine that Crowley was a mess. “Thank you.”

“I want it on the record though that I don’t agree with your non-talking policy.”

“Noted and ignored.”

“I have another question. It shouldn’t be a problem since we’ve just agreed to keep things between us.”

“I will need more alcohol for this and I will not get up from my chair.” If he had accepted having a guardian angel, Crowley could take advantage of him. He was a demon after all. “Scotch this time and you’re still paying.”

Adriel didn’t get up but merely raised two fingers. A young man who had just walked past their table stopped dead in his tracks. Wordlessly he put his own drinks down which happened to be two glasses of Crowley’s preferred liquid. Then he walked off again and Crowley’s mouth had dropped open in a very unflattering way. The angel pretended not to notice and grabbed one of the glasses. “About that question…”

“Did you just steal those?!”

Now Crowley was the one who was being ignored. “What it is like to be romantically entangled?”

Sitting up straight Crowley almost crawled over the table because he felt like his hands should be wrapped around a throat right now. “What?!”

“I want to know what it’s like to…”

“Yes, I heard you perfectly fine, thank you! What are you talking about? I just told you that it’s not like that at all!”

With all the calm in the universe that he had no right to possess Adriel shrugged again and took a sip from a drink that definitely wasn’t his. “You held a long speech that basically confirmed it and I wonder what it’s like.”

He wouldn’t find out because Crowley was gaping at him. For an embarrassing long amount of time.

Chapter Text

Sometime between the 13^th and 14^th hour of the day (London time) a peculiar thought crept into the Supreme Archangel’s mind and it made a home there. Which didn’t mean that it was always present, but it was definitely enjoying being able to come and go as it pleased. Such an odd thought. It had to do with his chair. Generally Aziraphale was fond of it. Perfectly serviceable and adequately comfortable. A wonderfully solid backrest that supported a healthy posture. When it came down to be being a chair, this one was doing a marvellous job.

Now enter this very odd thought. Aziraphale, out of nowhere, started pondering the possibility of not sitting properly on this chair. Misusing one of the armrests to drape a leg over it. Getting into a position that had nothing to do with a straight back and celebrated the art of the slouch. To be more precise that thought experiment wasn’t odd enough to imply that Aziraphale would be the one misusing the chair like this. Instead he had this image right there behind his eyes and he could see it more clearly than what was actually in front of them. Somebody else was sitting in that chair and complaining about it not being comfortable enough. Not with words though, they simply omitted a very expressive noise. One that should be annoying and keep anyone from getting good work done. Even an angel.

Aziraphale’s peculiar thought was of the fierce opinion that it would be the loveliest working environment imaginable.

The thought itself was massively distracting and Aziraphale had trouble remembering what he had been focusing on. Something about orphans or endangered animals? Truth to be told Aziraphale wasn’t sure. Which obviously wasn’t the proper way to do things. Good and long lasting work wasn’t done like this. It only added to his frustration that the solution was so blatantly obvious. Tell that thought to pack things up and to find a new place to stay. Aziraphale had orphaned animals to take care of. Wasn’t that right?

Wouldn’t it be just so much easier to get some work done if there was someone slouching in a chair? Not offering anything but complaints until maybe after an hour they said something so absolutely useful and obvious that Aziraphale could do nothing but wonder how he hadn’t come up with it to begin with. And then marvel at the person slouching for being clever, brilliant and so surprisingly kind.

“Supreme Archangel?”

Oh yes, that was him. Aziraphale looked up to see an angel standing there. A familiar face that he couldn’t find a name to connect it with. Not even in the depth of his mind. How long had they been there? Judging by their expression they had tried to attract his attention more than one time. Such a bad time when he was busy thinking about slouching figures.

“Yes? What can I do for you?”

“There is a guardian angel who wishes to speak to you.”

That certainly wasn’t something he heard every day and there was only one single guardian angel who would ever have an incentive to talk to him. That one could be connected to slouching and that new thought caused something in Aziraphale’s head to sing. He quickly stated that he had always time for that particular guardian angel, no questions asked. No matter how lost in thought Aziraphale happened to be at that point in time.

Aziraphale got up from the cursed chair, one angel disappeared and another angel showed up. His eyes must have been sore and the guardian angel’s sight was like some healing balm. Cooling and mostly reassuring. Not his actual sight of course, that was a bit confusing to say the least. Albeit Aziraphale had grown weary of Heaven’s bleak brightness, he couldn’t claim to be entirely comfortable with that aggressive spot of colour that was Adriel.

Orange was a very peculiar choice. The suit itself was a gaudy visual attack and the shirt underneath a much lighter tone. Both orange. No tie. Definitely a questionable choice which Aziraphale was gladly going to look past. The headphones around his neck were white. Aziraphale missed the sound of violins.

“Good morning.”

Was it morning already? “Good morning. It’s nice to see you. How have you been?” But actually how is the man doing who could be slouching on this chair?

Smiling seemed to be easier and harder for Adriel than for any other angel. It looked less forced and rehearsed, however there was some reluctance to it that came from a completely different place. Aziraphale couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he felt like it was something that he would be able to figure out rather easily if he gave it an actual try. To be honest though, it wasn’t top priority on his list. The slouching man was.

“Perfectly fine. Thank you for asking.” Adriel looked behind him, back to Aziraphale and made a vague gesture with his hand. “There is quite the commotion going on here.”

That short statement alone had Aziraphale voice a long sigh. Thinking that he had been excited and giddy about the suggestion. “You have noticed? Somebody suggested making our surroundings a bit prettier. It took a while, but the necessary majority agreed to it. Now discussions have been going on whether we should put up some paintings, sculptures or plants. People have opinions and those kinds of decision cannot be made lightly.” Aziraphale had mentally closed that door. If they should ever come to a decision, they should knock and tell him, otherwise he wasn’t even going to think about it.

Seemingly a little confused Adriel raised an eyebrow. “Why not have all three of them?”

“That idea was brought forward and was considered too extreme. Promises were made not to bring it up again.”

Adriel blinked which was barely an action but it offered Aziraphale some satisfaction because it implied that he had just listened to madness. Therefore Aziraphale wasn’t the one who had lost his mind. “Can’t you just…” He stopped and shook his head. “Never mind.”

Glad that they weren’t going to pursue that particular topic Aziraphale went straight into what really interested him. “What can I do for you? What brings you here on this lovely day?”

“This is just a very brief interruption of your work. I’ve quickly popped in to inform you that I am not going to report back from my assignment anymore.”

Now Aziraphale was the one who blinked because what was being said didn’t make any sense. Obviously he had misheard. “I beg your pardon?”

“I will be sending no more reports.”

So Aziraphale had heard right. That didn’t mean that it had necessarily to make sense because it didn’t. “Why wouldn’t you? Has something happened that I should be aware of? Any trouble?”

The guardian angel made a reassuring hand gesture. “No, everything is still in perfect order. I am respecting the demon’s wishes. Crowley doesn’t want me to report back about anything concerning him.”

A feeling of sickness was slowly spreading across Aziraphale’s stomach. It took its time as the implications were slipping in. Aziraphale feared that it would continue, that there was no point at which it couldn’t get worse. Anything concerning him. .Anything. “He said that?”

“He said that he didn’t want the things that he said be reported back to Heaven.”

Three more seconds. More implications. More sickness. “Oh. Alright. I see.” Aziraphale could not help but ask. “The things he said. Things he is talking about… with you?”

Aziraphale had never been as attentive or quick to catch up on details as Crowley. Perhaps it had to do with being an angel. It was Aziraphale’s nature and desperate wish to always see the very best in people. To believe in their good intentions. A little hesitation, the twist of a lip or eyes that preferred to look at the ground for just a second. Usually Aziraphale decided that they didn’t necessarily mean anything. People often just do things. Unlike him Crowley had often interpreted these little signs in a very different way. An indication of lying or half-truths. Things buried under the surface. Millennia on Earth and interactions with so many various people and entities had taught Aziraphale that Crowley had been right, but that didn’t mean he was looking for the signs.

One could notice something without looking for it.

There was some hesitation in Adriel’s answer. Fleeting but noticeable. “He said that to me, yes. However, I am fairly certain that he was referring to all the things he is saying. It’s still the matter of privacy.”

Aziraphale didn’t mean for both of his eyebrows to go up but they did. Yes, he knew about that. Yes, he had accepted that because that’s what he had to do. “I see, but he is still talking to you?”

Adriel slipped his thumb through one of the belt loops of his trousers and immediately pulled it out again. “Occasionally. Mostly to tell me that I am annoying, irritating, stupid… A guardian angel. Which is an insult in his humble opinion.” He hinted at a shrug and then probably remembered that angels did not shrug. “On these occasions he also told me that he didn’t want word to go out to Heaven.”

Maybe Crowley had actually phrased it that way. Maybe that was Adriel’s way to transport the message. Not that it mattered much since it was obvious that Heaven meant Aziraphale. Crowley didn’t want Aziraphale to know about anything. Which was nothing new. Which was fair. That didn’t stop it from causing his chest to grow too tight. Clearing his throat Aziraphale straightened his back (no slouching) and met Adriel’s eyes. “Of course I will respect his wishes. I don’t need to know what he is doing or saying, but…” Sitting straight was so hard to do when he actually wanted to squirm. “… I would still like to know how he is doing. Is that alright?”

No thumbs in belt loops but entire hands in the pockets of the suit. “You could easily ask him yourself.”

Aziraphale gulped. There were so many things that were wrong in that single moment. A guardian angel making a suggestion and it sounded like more like shoving something right into Aziraphale’s face that he was too blind to see. Aziraphale being upset about the suggestion of an angel. The worst of all – Aziraphale being alienated by the mere idea of talking to Crowley.

“I… happen to be very busy.”

Adriel hummed in response but didn’t say anything.

“By the way you are his guardian angel, it’s your job to…” Aziraphale stopped as he realised something. Nothing bad, just something. “He objected to you reporting back, I understand. He didn’t object to you being his guardian angel though. Correct?”

“Oh, he did. A number of times. Not as much so recently.”

“Meaning he did not object to your company.”

“Not recently. No.” Adriel replied calmly and Aziraphale took a long look at him because he simply didn’t know what else to do. No concrete thought was going through his mind, nothing tangible. He’d rather label them feelings. Aziraphale felt that this was a good thing. Aziraphale felt that he didn’t like it. “Well, that’s a good thing then. You should go back to work and just tell me… from time to time… if everything is okay.”

He received a firm nod yet the guardian angel made no effort to leave. Aziraphale shot him a reaffirming glance, he wanted to hear whatever Adriel had to say, mostly so he could be alone again. “Anything you like to add?”

More little signs. Little tells. Adriel shifted his weight from his right foot to his left foot. “I wanted to ask if there is something that you would like to add.”

“I fear I don’t understand.”

“Anything you want to say to me? Any remarks or… complaints about my work?”

Clearly Aziraphale was missing some vital piece of information here. Thankfully he wasn’t as slow on the uptake as some people thought him to be. He was very much aware that Adriel tried to get him to say something that he didn’t want to say himself. Could that be a sign that he was upset? Or that he wanted to share some piece of information with Aziraphale despite Crowley’s wishes? If it was about Crowley Aziraphale had to know, but he definitely couldn’t ignore what Crowley wanted. Aziraphale wasn’t doing that anymore. “Is there something you think I should be complaining about? Something you did?”

Hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Yes, I did something. I said something. Something that is not true.”

Oh. That was a little unexpected. Or a lot. “That’s… bad. Because lying in general is bad, but circumstances do matter. Who did you lie to? And why?” Was it Crowley? What had the guardian angel lied about? And why didn’t he look more fazed by it like any other angel would? Uncomfortable, yes. Just not enough.

“Merely to blend in and avoid confusion among humans.”

“Alright.” Aziraphale nodded and resisted the urge to wallow in the sensation of relief. “Not recommendable but understandable. Just try to be vague or… funny that helps you to avoid lying.”

Adriel didn’t acknowledge that piece of advice. “So… you were not aware that… I had lied?”

“No. I am the opinion that people do a better job when nobody is constantly hoovering over them. Watching their fingers. I am sure you are doing perfectly…” Aziraphale couldn’t shed the confusion that Adriel provoked inside of him. Just like all the other sensation he had caused since he had started talking. “Fine. You’re doing perfectly fine.” Aziraphale himself would feel much better if Adriel left. Which was almost painful to admit because that guardian angel was one of the easiest people to talk to. One of the only people to talk to. One of the only people with whom he could talk about the only topic that Aziraphale longed to talk about.

Except that he had just told him that they couldn’t talk about that anymore. About Crowley.

They couldn’t talk about him anymore, but Adriel was now having conversations with Crowley.

Which was good. It was good that Crowley had somebody to talk to. Good. Preferable. Lovely. Aziraphale didn’t like it.

“Thank you. One more thing.”

Forcing a smile on his lips Aziraphale nodded. “And that would be?”

“I have a suggestion to make.” Adriel’s voice sounded just a little bit hoarse. “Work reviews. They might be a good idea. Optimize the process. Could I get one? Right now?”

It seemed appropriate to just stare at Adriel a little bit. Moreover it was the only thing that Aziraphale was capable of doing. This was too confusing. Under different circumstances Aziraphale might even have tried to figure out what was going on in that guardian angel’s head. The attitude was recommendable, worthy of applause and yet so out there. Bewildering. Aziraphale really needed him to leave. “A review?

“Yes, please.”

A little helpless Aziraphale raised both hands. “Alright. Uhm… you are very diligent and… I have no complaints. None whatsoever. I would like you to go back to work now. Please.”

“Of course. Thank you for your time.”

Finally he was gone and Aziraphale thought about Crowley slouching in a chair. Talking to Adriel. It wasn’t a pleasant thought.

***

The man was beautiful and he came out of nowhere. With staggering casualness he grabbed the ipad that was lying on the table. “I am sorry but this is mine now.”

What the… Paul’s body went into instant panic mode as he got up from his chair to stop this asshole to walk away with Paul’s possession. “What do you think you are doing?! Give it…”

The back didn’t get past his lips because something insane happened. It didn’t feel insane though. Against all sensible expectations the thief didn’t run away but instead raised two fingers. Without rush, without insistence. “Sit down.”

And Paul did. He was still aware that this man was stealing from him, but he didn’t feel like it was necessary to complain about it anymore. What else was there to do but sit here and watch him? Wait for what he would do next.

The thief didn’t flee, he held Paul’s ipad in his hand and looked from left to right. Not looking worried or like he was ready to start a race with the police. Then he tipped his head back and his green eyes looked towards the sky. One second, two seconds, three seconds.

“Huh.” An equally surprised and pensive sound. Suddenly he turned his attention back to Paul. “My name is Steve. I am thirty years old.”

Seriously, what was going on? Paul had only had two coffees and no alcohol. So why did this feel like he was drunk?

The blond took another look around. “Nothing? Okay. My suit is green. I am not an angel. I eat sushi every day. I have never told a lie.” Again his eyes darted towards the sky and a couple of seconds passed. Paul didn’t feel like he should say something.

“I was born. I went to school. I have never had a conversation with an angel or a demon.”

He seemed to be waiting for something and whatever it was, it didn’t happen.

There was another “Huh.” That was all, the blonde man walked away, ipdad still in hand.

***

Crowley was one second away from potentially feeling the tiniest bit bored when somebody sat down opposite him. Good. It had been a good while since he had given somebody a good scare and if somebody was stupid enough to sit at his table, they deserved a punishment.

Oh, it was just the guardian angel. So much about that.

“What have you been up to?”

“Quick trip to Heaven. Then some quick experiments.”

Obviously nothing that Crowley could ever be interested in. Instead of asking any question that could have to do with Heaven or people related to Heaven, Crowley gestured at the waitress, at his own coffee and then at Adriel. “The usual boring guardian angel business, I see.”

“What’s your name?”

Crowley spluttered. “What the hell was that?”

Adriel did that new thing of his. That enormously irritating shrug. “Crowley is not an angelic name. You must have chosen it after you fell. Which means you’ve had a different name before. What was it?”

How was that angel even real? An almost fascinating ability to find the best hidden hornets' nest. Hornets’ nests buried kilometres underneath the Earth surrounded by concrete, with dozens of other fake hornets’ nests around to distract from the real one. Put a blindfold over Adriel’s eyes, turn him around a couple of times and he would say ‘That one’ in less than two seconds.

“I’ve just ordered you a coffee. Do you want to have it thrown at your head?”

“Alright. I’ll put that one on the ‘Ask Crowley at a later time’ list.” Adriel smiled and Crowley rolled his eyes. “That would be the ‘Ask such nonsense again and have your teeth knocked out’ list.”

The only acknowledgement he received for that statement was a soft chuckle before Adriel continued talking about whatever he wanted. “I guess I wouldn’t be able to choose a name for myself. I would end up changing it every two months.”

“Oh, I’d have a lot of names for you. First one would be ‘git’.”

“Lovely and so creative.” Another smile and this one had teeth. “By the way I talked to the Supreme Archangel.”

“What is it with you and the hornets’ nest you damned git?” Crowley turned his head away and took a good long look at the window.

“I have trouble imaging him being a normal angel. Being on Earth. Going about an average angel’s business.”

What an interesting window that was. And so marvellously clean. “Aziraphale has never been an average angel.” Crowley muttered that despite himself and Adriel hummed in response. “I suppose. He said that he missed you.”

Now Crowley was staring at him instead of the window. Eyes wide beneath the sunglasses.

Chapter Text

“You are lying.” Crowley stated simply and the controlled way the words dropped from his lips betrayed how much he was trembling on the inside. Mainly from anger. From being shocked how the angel in front of him could be so audacious and either clueless or mean-spirited. Only a clueless child or a wanker like Gabriel would be a candidate to voice such a lie. Taking into account their previous interactions Crowley felt hesitant to label Adriel as either of those.

The guardian angel stared back at him, his mouth strangely twisted. “That is an unfounded accusation. I take offense to that.”

The gall of this guy. Crowley was still trembling on the inside. From anger because he would rather take a deep dive into a barrel of holy water than take a single look at what else could be going on. “Bullocks. Don’t be such a nitwit and try to guilt trip a demon. That doesn’t work. I know that you are lying and you’re tempting me to pluck the feathers from your wings and stuff them into your ears. Maybe down your throat so you will choke on them.”

Adriel blinked as if he couldn’t comprehend what Crowley was saying. “I am an angel. I do not know how to tempt anyone.”

“Fucking hell!” On pure instinct alone Crowley grabbed one of the napkins from the table and threw it right at Adriel. At the halfway point it went up into flames and burned a lovely hole into the lapel of Adriel’s jacket. Hissing softly Adriel trailed the damage with his fingertips and then gave Crowley an accusing glance. “I like this one.”

“You shouldn’t. It’s awful. The colour is gaudy and the suit is too big for you. Burning it is the proper thing to be done with it.”

Clearly displeased Adriel rubbed his thumb over the hole and the garment stitched itself back together neatly. “You are incorrect. This shade of orange is nice and it makes me look good.” Redirecting his attention at Crowley Adriel changed the topic swiftly. “Why are you accusing me of being dishonest? Do you think that the Supreme Archangel does in fact not miss you? Or do you think that he wouldn’t voice that fact in my presence?”

Crowley felt his gusts twist and several urges were fighting for dominance inside of him. One was related to violence towards Adriel. One was about screaming. One was about having a prolonged in-depth conversation about the mess in his head. The one that came out the strongest was the one about getting up and walking out of the coffee shop. Adriel didn’t follow him and that was definitely better for the both of them. Technically Crowley was no longer aligned with Hell, but he had little doubts that he killing an angel wouldn’t start a war.

Then again, during a war everybody had to come up… or down. Aziraphale would be here then and Crowley would be able to tell him to disappear again. Today wasn’t going to be that day. Also, Crowley didn’t know if he were actually capable of…

A disgusting little tingle in the back of his neck saved Crowley from having to finish that thought. What had that sodding git just done now? Looking down Crowley saw that he had stepped into a small dirty puddle. Merely with the tip of his shoe though. Which was still perfectly clean and dry. Gritting his teeth Crowley took a deep breath to stop his own skin from going up in flames. “Fucking hell. Nothing worse than a guardian angel.”

***

Pining over a client of the law firm was a monumentally stupid decision and Andrea was perfectly aware of that. The vast majority of people walking in here were actively trying to screw someone over or trying to go unpunished after having been caught screwing somebody over. It happened to be the case that the founders of the firm had specialised in this kind of business.

Another big chunk of the clients walked through these doors every day to get out of their marriages which often included the ‘screwing somebody over’ part. Or they happened to be the ones that were being screwed over. Which definitely didn’t make them the right person to smile gushingly at while twisting a strand of one’s hair around one’s finger like a school girl.

Andrea knew all that, but what did it matter when the new client who was asking for a divorce lawyer was so absurdly good looking.

“May I speak to Miss Kerrigan?”

One had to hand it to Victoria, when interesting people showed up here it was mostly about her. Andrea would have felt envious if Victoria didn’t also have to deal with the most heinous ex-couples in the entire UK.

“I am sorry Miss Kerrigan is in a meeting at the moment and I fear her schedule will not allow another appointment today.”

“I am sure she’ll have a couple of minutes to spare for me right now. Don’t you think?”

In fact, Andrea did think so. It helped that Victoria wasn’t in a meeting at all, actually. She wanted to get some paperwork done and had instructed Andrea to get rid of anyone who would potentially disturb her. However, she was perfectly certain that this rule didn’t apply to this client. Visitor. Whoever he was. “Oh, absolutely. You can go right in there. Third door to the right. You cannot miss it. Her name is on the door.”

A bright smile lit up his face. “Thank you. You were very helpful.”

When he walked past the reception desk Andrea looked after him. Yes, the most interesting things always happened to Victoria.

Behind her still closed office door a very frustrated lawyer was craving a cigarette while striking out every second word of the paper in front of her. It was going to be a blast to explain to the client that you couldn’t put into a marriage contract who was going to do what chores. Or that your spouse had to raise potential kids as vegetarians. If she wasn’t charging 350 pounds per hour, she would rip those papers into confetti and let it rain down on his head.

A knock at the door pulled her out of that very short daydream and added to that already quite impressive pile of annoyances. Regardless of that, Victoria uttered a loud “Yes?” because that was what one did when there was a knock at the door.

A blond man walked into her office. There was fluidity to his movements that let him appear to be floating which was rather odd. Not the only detail about him that could obtain that label.

“It’s so kind of you to spare some of your valuable time for me, Miss Kerrigan.”

Victoria didn’t remember agreeing to that. “Don’t I know you from somewhere?”

The familiarity was obvious, but Victoria couldn’t place him despite her marvellous memory. If she had seen him before Victoria definitely ought to remember him because he wasn’t a person you ran into every day. Not in such an outfit. A lot of other men would have probably looked dressed up for a Halloween party or a convention in this long brown Victorian styled frock coat. His heavy boots almost went up to his knees, decorated with loads of unnecessary buckles and clasps. Very steampunk-ish. He looked good though. Very eccentric. The type with heaps of money. By his expression it was impossible to tell if he wanted to get out or into a marriage.

The blonde casually raised his hand in a lazy gesture. “I do not think you do. We have never met before.”

Obviously they hadn’t which brought up the question what he was doing here since Victoria didn’t have any scheduled appointment. Something about him, his unusual air, kept her from asking him to leave instantly. “What can I do for you, Mr….?”

Instead of taking the cue the blonde sat down opposite her and his celadon eyes ghosted over the very confidential notes on Victoria’s table. Instinctively she turned the paper around although she had the inkling of a feeling that he seeing it wasn’t the worst thing in the word.

“Ever since the first time I have seen one of these things I have struggled to understand them. Why anyone would draw up such a document before being joined in holy matrimony?”

Okay, things were definitely clearing up now. Somebody was trying to divorce him and Mr. Steampunk had failed to secure his assets beforehand. That could be interesting, probably tedious though. “I wonder who would even consider getting married without a pre-nup. It is the reasonable thing to do. Secure. Far-sighted. Everybody knows what page they are on. A rather healthy start for a long-term commitment.”

“How can it be healthy to start something by focusing on its potential decay instead of its fruition? Security. I fail to grasp that idea. What need is there for security from betrayal or abandon when love is involved? Love alone should be the greatest shield.”

“In a romance novel maybe. But not in a society where more than half of marriages get dissolved. Your idea about love sadly doesn’t hold up. Otherwise there would be no need for laws in general because people would just be kind to each other.” Although he was definitely a strange person, Victoria had heard these kinds of speeches before from people who couldn’t quite grasp that their partner wanted out of the marriage.

His first answer was a sigh which sounded genuinely upset. “I suppose cynicism has to go hand in hand with your occupation. I hope you will not mind me being curious, but I wonder what made you choose this profession? One with so much inherent negativity attached to it.”

That statement went against her sense of pride. “Despite the common prejudice against divorce attorneys there is a point to what we do. It is rewarding to help people get out of harmful and at times even abusive marriages.”

The smile on his face said that he believed her and that he knew it wasn’t true. “That’s not what you do though.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You are making sure things get finalised and come to an end. Whoever comes to you has already found encouragement or help to actually do so. Or maybe they have helped themselves to take that step. Sometimes it’s family, friends, another person offering their love, a complete stranger or even my kind. You come into play much later. You will have to excuse my outsider perspective, but I fail to see how anything good can come from a divorce. I am very curious about your opinion.”

“Sometimes the good thing is to end a very bad thing. To get out of situation that was making you unhappy.”

“I find myself unable to understand how it can be said good thing that something has ended that has been based on love. Isn’t that the only reason to get into a marriage?”

Victoria didn’t find it hard to believe that his naivety was sincere. A trait that she didn’t find endearing. It suited him though and that was enough to indulge him. “Your definition of marriage is very romantic then. Also out-dated. Marriages, quite often so, are not based on love. They are a legal contract between two people who treat it as a business relationship. Sometimes both parties want to terminate that relationship after they got everything out of it that they had wanted to begin with. Or they don’t get it anymore, so they decide that they’ve had enough.”

When he shook his head a golden lock of hair fell into his eyes. Victoria thought that this haircut had to be terribly annoying and unpractical. “I understand that the concept that you are describing exists, but I am afraid I cannot understand it. Entering a marriage without love being present is not something I can wrap my head around.”

“I cannot wrap my head around having this conversation.”

“Oh, I would be most grateful if you were to indulge me a little longer. Would you mind?”

For inexplicable reasons Victoria didn’t mind that much although she knew that she had other things to do. More important things.

“Doesn’t this job make you a bit cynical? Do you believe that there are people who will find each other, love each other and stay together for all their life?”

Since the entire encounter couldn’t become any more bizarre Victoria didn’t even wonder what made him ask this particular question. Why it was important to him. “Obviously. Some very lucky few will find that. There is going to be a lot of work though and forgiveness. Do you believe in it?”

“Of course.” He replied without any hesitation. “It’s part of the job. I’ve seen it. Guarded it. I understand the concept of it, but not the thing itself. Love for the creation is pure and soothing. I wonder what that other love is like. I happen to be curious. I’ve been called out for it and I reckon I am not supposed to be. However, I cannot say that I care. Oh, it turned out that I can say that despite it not being true. Sorry, none of that makes any sense to you. What I am trying to say is that I want to understand what it is like. To love one person that way. To be passionate. To have one’s thoughts go in circles around that other person. To be miserable and happy because of someone. To lust after them. That part appears to be particularly interesting. I would appreciate it if someone could explain it to me.”

While Mr. Steampunk was obviously a crazy person Victoria didn’t think that she had to call security. “I fear that’s not something that can be explained. Only experienced.”

He hummed in agreement and the smile on his lips told Victoria that the main part of this conversation was over. “I am certain that’s in the cards for you. Perhaps if you had a little bit more time on your hands. For yourself.”

“Tell that to my boss.”

“Oh, I will.” His reply was almost casual. “A cruise in the Caribbean, wasn’t it? About four months. Let’s do five. Some well-deserved relaxation and sleep. Time for yourself. Maybe you will run into someone who sparks your interest. Somebody to be passionate about who isn’t already thinking about someone else. I am sure you’re going to enjoy it immensely.”

As an experienced lawyer and well-adjusted woman Victoria wasn’t one to gape like a fish. She did exactly that as she was watching the blond stand up and walk to the door of her office. Just when she assumed that he would leave without another word he stopped and cast a quick glance over his shoulder. “Oh, can I ask one more question? That one is driving me mad?”

Victoria nodded speechlessly.

“How do you go through life without listening to music constantly? It baffles me that people walk the streets who are not wearing earbuds. It seems a little crazy that you could and don’t do it.”

“Uhm… I don’t know. I guess not everybody enjoys music that much. Some people need silence to hear their own thoughts.”

“How odd.” Mr. Steampunk muttered mostly to himself before covering his ears with the headphones that had been hanging around his neck the entire time. Then he slid out of the room and Victoria found out that the encounter obviously hadn’t been bizarre enough to linger longer on her mind than half a minute. There was a lot of work to go back to.

Another person who had a strange but not particularly memorable encounter that day was Victoria’s boss. He had a very short conversation with a man who had to have recently acquired a lot of money because why else would anybody dress like that? Despite not lasting very long the talk had been of the very convincing kind. So much that he thought it was good idea to offer one of his best solicitors to go on a long holiday without having to be worried about her job or finances when she came back. It was such a sensible idea that he didn’t need to think about how it had come to him.

Somebody else had a few questions about that though. Because Londoners were among the busiest people in the world, and a little self-obsessed as the inhabitants of capital cities always ought to be, nobody paid attention to the blond man who was studying the contents of a shop window with heightened interest. If anyone had paid attention they would have seen another man approach the blonde one. Dark haired, equally nice to look at but definitely not as much at ease as the one studying the shop window. Paying attention to them or not, nobody could have guessed why the newcomer was nervous.

“Uhm… hello? Fellow guardian angel?” Sarakiel had to clear his throat because his voice sounded awfully dry. Also it didn’t feel quite right. Perhaps he had to come accustomed to it. Obviously he wasn’t used to using it. Not just his voice. Also interacting with others of his kind. Or interacting with anyone in general.

The other angel turned his head to him and his eyes didn’t look as big as they had moments ago. Slightly narrowed to be precise. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, that would be most kind. I was wondering why you interfered with my assignment. That is not something that we usually do and I was a little confused. You are a guardian angel, aren’t you?” Evidently Sarakiel wouldn’t have any idea what to do then. He wasn’t even comfortable with this conversation. All he wanted was shift back into the ethereal space and go about his job. Therefore he had to clear things up, unfortunately.

“I am. I assume you are too. Which brings up the question why you are here instead of guarding your subjects.”

“Oh! Of course I am going right back to that! This just takes a second. I am actually not sure how to proceed.” Sarakiel swallowed around what seemed to be a lump in his throat. “We do not take on an active role while we’re guarding, but you just changed the course of Victoria’s life for the next couple of months through angelic influence and I have to ask why. Is there a piece of information that I am missing.”

The other guardian angel nodded and his eyes shifted back to the shop window. “Oh yes, she is in dire need of some vacation. I am working on this directly for the Supreme Archangel. Everything’s in proper order. No need to worry.”

Sarakiel was sure that the relief he felt was radiating from his body. This was good. Nothing was worse than things that didn’t adhere to protocol. Apart from relief there was also another almost overwhelming sentiment. Amazement. To think that the Supreme Archangel himself had taken an interest in one of Sarakiel’s assignment. He stared at the other guardian angel with big eyes. “Really?”

One word and it was finally enough for the blonde to dedicate his entire attention to Sarakiel. He did not look happy. “Are you accusing me of lying?”

Utterly horrified by what he might have done Sarakiel vehemently shook his head. “No! Of course not. The thought didn’t even cross my mind.”

“I hope so. What a ridiculous thought that would be. It’s not like an angel is actually able to lie. Also lying about the Supreme Archangel would get me in immense trouble, would it not? I have things to do. Certainly you do too. You should be on your way. I am sure you don’t want to delay the Supreme Archangel’s plans with your presence.”

Since life as a guardian angel was not particularly eventful Sarakiel was not very familiar with the feeling of dread, but he was still able to tell that this was what he was going through. “Oh no. Of course not. I am so sorry for bothering you.” Having said that Sarakiel went back to work.

Had any attentive Londoner cared to walk by during that particular moment he would have heard the blond man talking to himself. “The demon’s right. Guardian angels are the worst. Idiots.”

***

Life was all about making new experiences, wasn’t it? That was all people on social media, TV and podcasts talked about. Daring to do something that one had never done before. Crowley was going to do that. He had spent his entire life without killing anyone. Well, expect for one lousy demon maybe and that definitely didn’t count.

Today he was going to kill somebody. Preferably with his own two hands, but he could work with a knife if it seemed more appropriate at the precise moment. The entire kitchen was stocked with sharp objects and his hands were big enough to wrap themselves around a pale skinny neck.

The only thing that was missing was said pale skinny neck. Crowley was livid. He had been convinced that he would find that lying, scheming, disgusting piece of crap guardian angel hanging around in Crowley’s flat. Where he wasn’t supposed to be. Lounging on the couch like he owned the place. Crowley didn’t want him to be here, but he needed him to be here to cut off his windpipe with his hands.

Strangling an angel would only discorporate him, but Crowley could adept to the situation. Hellfire was always an option.

That damned angel needed to be here first.

Pulling the biggest knife out of the knife block Crowley stalked into the living room (it seemed like the appropriate place for murder) and let out a guttural scream. “Goldilocks!”

Nothing. Except for that sizzling sound coming from the ground with the smell of burned leather. Another ruined pair of shoes. There was also a chance that the clothes would burn of his body. His anger had to come up and it came out in heat.

“Goldilocks! Where the hell are you?! Get here when I call you! It’s the whole point of a guardian angel! To show up when you’re supposed to!” Crowley was waving his hand around that was holding the knife because it seemed like the appropriate thing to do while yelling.

“I reckoned I wasn’t welcome here for a while after our talk this morning.”

Crowley spun around there was that pesky little shit, taking off his headphones. Using the knife to gesture at him Crowley made a hissing sound. “You reckoned right. You – absolutely not welcome. Now come closer.”

Green eyes darted from Crowley’s face to the knife wielding hand and the golden locks moved when he slowly shook his head. “No, I think I am good here. Thank you.”

“It’s not like I cannot come over. It just would feel more satisfying if you came over. Now be a good guardian angel. Shut up and come here.”

“How about we have a talk about what upset you so much instead of you trying to stick a knife into me? Which would only bring about a lot of bureaucratic hassle for me and it wouldn’t help you in any sort of way.”

“Talking literally never helps and you would only be lying anyway!”

“I am angel. I don’t lie.”

The wooden handle of the knife went up in flames and Crowley thought he could feel the plastic of his sunglasses melt. “You’ve told me yourself that you’ve lied before!”

Instead of running for his life Adriel kept standing there and met Crowley’s eyes in a way that was much too unafraid. “Yes and that was horrible. I am still feeling bad about this. I am also feeling bad that you are so upset. If you don’t want to have a conversation about it, I will leave because I am not going to stay around to get stabbed.”

There was a reasonable part of Crowley who was like ‘You know he has a point’ and the other one insisted on stabbing being so much easier than talking. Also a lot less painful. At least for Crowley. Guardian angels were the worst. Because he couldn’t make up his mind Crowley remained silent except for a small growl.

Adriel nodded at the burning knife in Crowley’s hand. “Does that hurt? Or do you even feel it all?”

The fact that he wasn’t even talking about the possibility of getting murdered anymore robbed Crowley of his incentive to do so. Lowering the knife Crowley sighed. “No, it doesn’t hurt. It’s hot. That’s it.” He walked into the kitchen and dropped the ruined knife into the sink. Back in the living room he saw that Adriel had sat down on the couch, legs casually crossed.

“I really despise you.”

“That’s a lie.”

“My existence has become exceedingly more complicated ever since you showed up.”

Adriel raised both eyebrows and shot him a look that said ‘Come on’ and Crowley gave up as he collapsed next to him on the couch. “Alright, alright. No need to tell me that everything wasn’t warm and cuddly beforehand. Doesn’t mean that you didn’t make it worse though.”

“Well, it’s not like it was my own idea to come here. I got pulled into your mess. You cannot blame me for being interested in it. Are the two of you playing a ridiculous long game of who’s going to blink first and try to talk with the other one?”

Crowley had run out of energy to be angry, but he could still be irritated by this stupid angel. “Don’t be such an idiot. Nobody is talking. Nobody is going to talk. Everything has been said. Done and over. Wrapped up with an effingly beautiful bow. Thank you and good night.”

Letting his head rest against the back of the couch Crowley looked at the wooden floor because that was easier than looking at Adriel. Also less headache inducing. Now the git chose to be silent of course. Well, there was something Crowley could say. Ask. What was the point in not doing it? Adriel had made up half of the story in his head already anyway. Crowley went over the sentence a couple of times in his head. Still no guarantee that he would get it out.

“So… what else did he say?”

Okay, that could have gone smoother. Still felt like the words were going to choke him.

At least there was no snarky response. “Barely anything. You two are very alike in that aspect. Very good at not saying anything.”

Crowley was going to throw up any second now. “Nah. That was the part when things that still been going fine. When nobody had said anything. That was the good part.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Nah, I am always in such a glorious mood.” Crowley dead-panned and marvelled at the lines on the floor. Some burn marks here and there.

“I know you just made it clear that I am not supposed to report anything back to Heaven, but… and it’s just a thought… You could say something and I could pass it along if you don’t want to talk.”

Like a real messed up version of Chinese whispers. Crowley should get up and get the knife to stick it in Adriel. Just a second. “Is that what he did?”

The guardian angel only looked at him and raised his shoulders. That was simply wrong. An angel who shrugged. At least it allowed Crowley to also be vague. “I will think about it.”

Chapter Text

“Nina?”

“Hmm?” It wasn’t very polite to not look up from a very uninteresting cup of coffee when somebody was talking to you. Especially when that someone was your partner. However, Maggie was going to forgive her because she was very aware of how little fondness Nina harboured for chitchat at work. Sure, she was glad that Maggie used her lunch break to drop in at the coffee shop, but while she had the time to do that, Nina was busier than ever. So, Maggie was sitting at the counter, enjoying a cup of tea while Nina was taking care of some way to complex orders. Why couldn’t everybody have their coffee black like it was supposed to be drunk?

“That Alan guy who we don’t talk about…”

“We don’t talk about him so I will not have nervous breakdown. Do you want me to have a nervous breakdown?” For emphasis Nina glanced up and she saw the guilty expression on Maggie’s face. She also saw that she wasn’t going to let it go. Sighing softly she made the quickest encouraging gesture that she was capable off. “Right, what about Alan? The man who most definitely decided that this part of the city is shit and moved somewhere else.”

Because that was what Nina had decided what had happened. To have a little peace of mind.

“Is he good looking?”

Among the millions of questions that one could ask about Alan that particular one was very low on the list. So low that Nina would have never come up with it. The fact that Maggie was the one asking it added to the absurdity. “Pardon?”

Maggie offered her sweet smile. “Answer the questions please.”

“Fine. Not exactly my area of expertise but I reckon he was nice enough. Not bad looking. Why are we talking about that?”

“Because I want to figure out if this is a coincidence or if Mr. Crowley has some serious game.” With the smallest motion of her head Maggie indicated Nina to look at the table where Crowley had sat down only minutes ago. Alone. He wasn’t alone now and Nina’s hand tightened around the cup in her hand. No. None of her business. She had learned her lesson, she was not going to get involved.

There was no need for her to say anything, Maggie elaborated on her point regardless. “Like you said – not my area of expertise, but I can see that’s a very attractive man. Also maybe a bit young for Mr. Crowley.”

“This is a conversation that I am not going to have with you.” Nina dead-panned and refocused on the order. The second the cups were on the way she had to find out though that Maggie had no intention of letting this go. “I know you have said that he’s been grumpy…”

“An unbearably aggressive and mean-spirited spawn of evil.”

Maggie, bless her beautiful soul, ignored the correction. “But take a look. It doesn’t look like he is going to make that one go up in flames at any second now. And he is cute.”

Despite knowing better Nina was unable to fight down that innate human instinct. To be a nosy little shit who wanted to know things even if they knew that it was better to stay out of it. Naturally she would continue to stay out of it, but she could take a small look. Eventually she would have to anyway because this was a coffee shop and her job was to serve coffee. Even to demons and the braindead humans with no survival instinct that sought out their company.

Having no expectations led to a lack of surprises. It also helped that Nina didn’t particularly care about what she was going to see. Crowley wasn’t alone, obviously. It wasn’t new information that the lanky demon stood out in a crowd. He and Mr. Fell together had created such a stark contrast that people easily remembered them even when they hadn’t been paying attention. The new person opposite him wouldn’t make it any easier to fade into the background. As usually Crowley was dressed in black from head to toe while his company was much more colourful. His long coat was bright red, the suit bright blue and the shirt underneath was the same colour as the coat. Nina liked people who didn’t fit a mould and dared to wear whatever they wanted. Rather be weird than boring and if you wanted to be absolutely overdressed in a coffee shop – why not?

“I don’t know about him being cute. I see that there is no hot beverage in front of him and that’s something I have to take care of. Only that. Not disappearing from the surface of the Earth because he annoyed Crowley… that’s his problem.”

Bless Maggie’s heart, she was still smiling. Indulgingly. “I am sure everything’s going to be fine. Everyone. I can go over there if you want to.”

Right. As if. Nina didn’t trust Maggie to know when to better say nothing and when the demon was concerned it was necessary to sometimes stay silent. “Thanks, but it’s still my coffee shop. Also you are too nice.”

As she was walking over Nina pondered if it she should put up a sign that said ‘Only humans allowed’. Probably not worth the effort, PETA would show up to bother her within a heartbeat. A conversation was going on at the table and it didn’t necessarily sound like somebody was going to die in the next few seconds. So far so good.

***

“… don’t understand. Why would anyone get upset about this?”

“You asked, I answered. Most controversial thing I could think of. Give it a couple of years and wars will be fought over this.”

“Now you’re just making fun of me.”

“Hey, I have been around a bit longer than you. I know what really gets people riled up. This is it.”

Nina didn’t even want to know what was going on here. What absolutely despicable thing they were talking about.

“I don’t believe that a lot of people are so passionate about whether one should eat Nutella with or without butter.”

“Yes, they are because most people are fucking stupid.”

Like Nina, for thinking that people at this table could talk about something that wasn’t utterly insane. They stopped to both gaze up at her. Their expression matched their hair colour. One dark and one bright. “Sorry to interrupt the discussion of your breakfast plans. This is a coffee shop, there is no cup of coffee in front of you. How do you want it?”

The blond smiled warmly which didn’t stop Nina from feeling suspicious. He was hanging out with Crowley which meant that he either had a death wish or that he was weird. Both possibilities were things that Nina could do without.

“I’ve never had a flat white, so I’d like to try that one.”

Normal enough. Nina turned to Crowley. “And you? Need some more espressos in your cup?”

She didn’t get more than a grumpy “Nah” out of him before she walked back to the counter. Behind her the conversation immediately continued where it had stopped seconds ago. Nina could make out the words ‘Nutella’, ‘ridiculous’, ‘fat’, ‘delicious’ and ‘irritating git’. It was safe to say, she was honestly confused.

The second she was out of earshot Maggie swooped in. “So? Who is he? What are they talking about? Does he know that Crowley is… you know? Is there imminent danger?”

“They’re talking about Nutella and that’s why I don’t listen to my customers’ conversations.”

That clearly didn’t satisfy Maggie’s curiosity, but Nina wasn’t going to offer anything more. She was waiting for them to leave again. Unfortunately they were taking their time. Maggie’s lunch break was already over and they still showed no intention of getting up in the near future. Which didn’t stop Maggie from staying around because she was afraid to miss something. Whatever that might be. After what had felt an eternity the both of them finally got up and while Crowley was heading for the door, the blonde one was walking up to the counter.

There was still that voice inside of Nina’s head which told her to inform this man that the last person who had had coffee with Crowley had dropped off the edge of the world. No, none of her business. People who had the nicest smiles had something to hide anyway. He probably was a secret mass murderer.

“Thank you again for the great coffee.” He paid for both of them and left a generous tip that made Nina even more suspicious while Maggie tried to smother him with her usual chirpiness. “Only the best at ‘Give me coffee or give me death’.”

Nina glanced at her to tell her not to talk to him. That could make him stay even a little longer. Now his green eyes darted to Maggie and continued to smile. “I had a lovely time. That is for sure. Also thanks to you. Nina and Maggie, right? Crowley told me about you.”

There was this theory that a couple morphed more and more into the same person the longer they stayed together. Obviously it was way too soon for something of that sort happening to Maggie and her, but that didn’t stop them right now from mirroring each other perfectly. Meaning their mouths dropped open. There were so many things wrong with this statement. Crowley actually talking to another person. Crowley talking about them.

“Really? How nice that he mentions us. Have you known each other long?” Maggie had clearly recovered much faster than Nina.

The blond softly shook his head. “No, we’re…” He was rudely interrupted by Crowley who made all the heads inside the shop turn when he shouted across the room. “Hurry up! I am waiting!”

Nina and Maggie were offered an apologetic smile. “I am sorry. It appears I am in a hurry. Would you mind if I asked you a very quick question? I cannot think of anyone else who might be able to answer it just now.”

Just say no. Just say no. Please for goodness’ sake, Maggie, just say no.

“Sure. Go ahead.”

Damn it.

“Could you tell me how make someone jealous?”

And that was the reason why Nina didn’t want to talk to people. Especially not with people who were in any way connected to a demon. They both stared, again and Nina wasn’t even going to use one second to think about the implications. At least they were saved from having to answer that mind-boggling question.

“Goldilocks! Don’t make me drag you out of there!”

Under difference circumstances Nina would have been impressed that somebody could be so loud when they didn’t even open their mouth while talking. Crowley’s teeth were definitely scraping over these words. That thought though barely grazed Nina’s mind because she could only focus on the fact that this literal demon had just called somebody ‘Goldilocks’. Oh and that person didn’t even seem surprised. No, he smiled leniently.

“Seems like I have to go. Thank you again. Maybe we’ll have time to talk some other time.”

Oh god, please no.

They left together, the demon holding the door open for the blonde one, through the window anyone could see that the bickering continued. Maggie didn’t look half as disturbed as she was supposed to be. “Wow. I have like so many questions.”

“How about we just forget about that and hope they never show up again?”

***

No more reports he had said. Aziraphale remembered perectly because that hadn’t been a good moment. A sudden feeing of dread to be cut off from Crowley completely. A wish that Aziraphale could only reluctantly fulfil. He most definitely didn’t want to fulfil it, his bad conscience be damned.

No more reports, that message had been loud and clear. Aziraphale remembered because he didn’t like it. So why was there a report lying on the desk right in front of him? They had agreed that Adriel would inform him to make sure everything was alright. When that folder had appeared Aziraphale had felt a hint of panic, but now he was sure that if something was severely wrong, the guardian angel would alarm him in a more urgent manner. Which left him with the burning question – What was in that report?

That unnecessary heart in his chest sped up its beating when Aziraphale opened the folder. There was hardly anything in there. Barely two lines.

Everything is great. We went for coffee today and argued over Nutella.

Aziraphale blinked. Stared at the word. What – in the name of the Almighty – was going on?

***

“Hi. Five espressos in a cup and a mocha this time.” Crowley was leaning against the counter, grumpiness at a four on a scale to ten. Nina had a realistic chance to get this over with and not to engage in a conversation. It shouldn’t be that hard.

As she set out to prepare the order she involuntarily glanced at Crowley’s usual table. Still empty. “Should I wait a bit with the mocha until your… friend shows up? So it won’t be cold?”

“If he’s late, that’s his problem.”

“Alright.” That was all she needed to know and Nina would definitely remain silent. “So… is he going to be around for a bit?”

Crowley shrugged without looking at her. “Might as well. Or not.”

The grumpiness had just climbed to five, Nina concentrated on his order and as soon as she was finished took care of her other customers. The next time she looked at the table she saw that both of them were there. Talking about god knows what. Nina was unable to tell why, but she felt uneasy at the sight of them together. That was odd in itself because simply everything was preferable to Crowley setting things on fire. Which hadn’t happened ever since the blond had shown up. Good thing, still weird.

She absolutely wished she could stop wondering what they were talking about.

***

“You are not taking me serious.”

“I never do. You are a guardian angel. It’s hard to take you serious.”

“Indulge me. Make an effort.”

“Nah. Cannot be bothered. Why would you need your own place anyway?”

“Space is a problem! I have stuff and I need to put it somewhere.”

“What kind of stuff? If you say ‘books’ I pour that cup of coffee all over you.”

“Why is your first instinct always to resort to violence? That’s not healthy.”

“First – I am a demon. Second – you should talk to more people. I am sure you’ll get the same reaction. Anyway, what stuff? Don’t say books.”

“Instruments. I’m teaching myself how to play the guitar and the drums. Obviously I need space. And preferably soundproof walls.”

“No piano? You look like the piano type.”

“Later. It’s on the list. Definitely cannot get some pianos without a flat first.”

“Yeah, good luck with that. London’s property market is a nightmare. I literally needed hell to help me out on that one.”

“I could just move in with you. That would be easier. Your flat is pretty much only empty space.”

“If that thought should even graze your mind again, I will murder you with hellfire. Burn you to a crisp and then crumble you up.”

“That seems like an overreaction. Also violent. Again.”

“Try talking to anybody else. You will get that reaction from anybody. Because it’s you.”

“Sure.”

“…”

“What is your problem with books anyway? It’s odd to harbour a grudge against such a common item.”

“You are doing it again. Evoke the urge to use violence against you. You should reflect on that.”

“Does it have to do with the Supreme Archangel having run a bookshop?”

“I hate you.”

***

Nina was walking past another table when she heard an actual snarl. The sound a demon made. This time Nina was certain that Crowley was going to kill the blond one. Why did that have to be here? People with the minimum amount of decency would commit a murder outside of Nina’s shop, so she wouldn’t be bothered by it.

No, there wasn’t going to be any murder at all. Nina was not going to allow it because she was a good person and still hadn’t figured out how to stop doing that. Turning around she was ready to do something when she found out that it wasn’t necessary.

Crowley was still slouching, still looking grumpy. Not murderous though. The blonde was smiling at him clemently and triumphantly at the same time. Maybe even a little bit fondly. “You don’t.”

The demon turned his head away and made a defeated ‘Argh’ sound before saying “Whatever.”

Feeling confused Nina most cautiously walked back to the counter. She didn’t trust the peace for one second. Especially since she hadn’t expected to experience Crowley in any other mood than ‘Out for complete destruction’. When he was in company of the blonde, he could almost pass as a regular guest. Except for the fact that both of them were excessively weird. Even for Soho standards.

***

The demon Crowley is doing quite well. Displaying absolutely normal behaviour like threatening me with violence and refusing to let me move in with him

Aziraphale blinked, stared at the report and then blinked again. “Alright. What in god’s name is going on?”

***

“You mind if I ask you a question?” Nina flung that one right at the blonde before he had even opened his mouth to order his coffee. Today he had shown up alone and there was no sign of Crowley yet and Nina knew how to seize an opportunity.

Nothing one should distrust more than a friendly face on a Monday morning, therefore her guard was absolutely up as she was confronted with a genuinely sweet smile. “In exchange for excellent coffee you are entitled to more than just a question, Nina. Please go ahead. I am a big fan of conversation in general.”

“That’s already something we do not have in common. I only want to ask this because I need to know if I have to look out for somebody else or myself.” Nina just never learned. “You are hanging out a lot with Crowley.”

“I do. Speaking of him I would like to order five espressos in a cup and a perfectly ordinary cappuccino. I am eagerly awaiting your question.”

Instinctively Nina narrowed her eyes at him, but then she refocused. There was a chance he wasn’t something weird like Crowley and merely stupid. In that case she didn’t want him to think that she was the insane one. To make sure there weren’t going to be too many other people who overheard this Nina leaned slightly forward which might have looked a little conspiratorial to any onlooker. “Crowley. Are you… like him?”

There had been a long list of possible reactions that Nina had been prepared for. Confusion, bewilderment, immediate confirmation, vile threats. A whole buffet. His bright and instinctive laugh took her aback, not in the least offended by her question. Rather delighted by the musings of a child. “No, I am not.”

Since she had wished for a somewhat more detailed explanation Nina kept looking at him in what she thought to be a distrusting manner. Another reaction occurred. Another one that she hadn’t anticipated. Slowly the smile was fading from the blonde’s face and left behind an expression that Nina didn’t quite know how to place. Somewhere between puzzled and pensive. Just with a hint of worry drizzled right on top of that mess.

“I mean… I don’t think I am.”

Why did Nina feel like she had just done a very bad thing? Like stealing sweets from a child.

The blonde didn’t pay any attention to her or her guilty conscience. His eyes had even left her face as he was clearly not looking at anything, lost in thought. “Maybe…”

Nina knew better than to say anything as the blonde grabbed his cups and walked to his usual table in a dreamlike state. Well, that could have gone better.

***

“I already regret asking what I am about to ask, but your face is giving me a nasty headache, so to hell with it. What is going on?”

“Hmm?”

“There. You’re doing ‘hmm’ when you should be all like ‘Deepest apologies for not paying attention. I vow to better myself’. What’s wrong? Did you damage another church door? Something else door-related? Did you not hold open a door for an old lady?”

“None of that. I’ve been just thinking.”

“That explains it.”

“How so?”

“Clearly you’ve hurt yourself. You shouldn’t be thinking. You’re a guardian angel. Your kind is not made for that.”

“So what is my kind made for?”

“What do I know? Being annoying? Irritatingly persistent? Impossible to get rid of? All of those.”

“Very helpful, thank you.”

“Now stop thinking. It’s pointless and your coffee has gone cold.”

“Oh. It has indeed.”

“Ah, what the hell. Hand it to me, will you? Here you go. No more ice cubes.”

“Did you just heat up my coffee with hellfire?”

“Hmm.”

“Thank you. That was a nice thing to do.”

“You are not going to complain about drinking hellfire or some stupid thing like that?”

“I probably ought to. Being a stupid guardian angel and all.”

“Or you could just shut up and enjoy your coffee. How about that?”

“Right. I will. Thank you.”

***

Everything is fine. Just coffee and hellfire.

This one didn’t make Aziraphale feel as bad as the other ones had before it. For the simple reason that he didn’t understand a single word of it. That was still enough to be sure that he didn’t like it.

***

Naturally Nina knew that she was in trouble the very moment she heard the blonde utter these words “Wait for me outside. I have something to take care of.”

“Alright, but don’t take too bloody long. The new headwaiter gets really pissy when you show up late for a reservation.” Crowley groaned in his usual way and stalked out of the shop while the blonde was making his way to the counter. A quick prayer wouldn’t stop him from talking to her, right?

“Hello Nina. After you asked me a question last time, can I assume that it is my turn now?”

She definitely believed in fairness, unless when she didn’t want to talk. “Oh, you can ask, of course. That doesn’t mean that I am obligated to answer.”

The blonde frowned slightly, but he didn’t necessarily look angry. “I suppose that’s true. Free will is terribly annoying.”

“Excuse me?”

Ignoring what she had said he simply continued talking. “Anyway, it’s the same questions I have asked before. What’s a good way to make somebody jealous?”

Naturally. What else could have possibly asked? “You cannot be serious.”

“Oh, I perfectly am.” There was a smile on her face, but Nina could tell that it wasn’t as bright as it had been before. “It’s not like I have no clue at all. I have seen it play out often enough. I don’t think I must tell you that witnessing something doesn’t automatically capable of doing it yourself. I guess I need a few pointers. Tips.”

“Okay, listen. You’re not going to get an answer because this is a highly inappropriate question. Moreover you shouldn’t try to make anybody jealous. That’s an idea that will only end up in disaster.” Not for the first day in her life Nina considered the option of relocating her coffee shop. Sure, moving was a bother and the endeavour would definitely end up costing her money. However, no more demons and whatever this guy was would come over and bother her.

“I don’t think I agree. It’s not a guaranteed disaster. Very sorry that you couldn’t help me.”

More than a little relieved Nina watched him leave. Well, not quite. He stopped at a table to talk to a couple sitting there. Oh no.

***

“Excuse me, I have a quick question.”

“Sorry, who are you?”

“That’s not important right now. I need to ask you a question.”

“You can’t just…”

“No, you can’t. Sorry, I don’t have time for free will right now. Just tell me how you can make somebody jealous.”

“An ex-partner or a friend?”

“Something like that.”

“Start doing what you did together with a new person. That usually does the trick.”

“Thank you. That was very useful. Proceed.”

***

Finally he was out the door and the couple he had talked to didn’t look like they had suffered any psychological damage. One had to be thankful for little favours. Through the window she could see the blonde catching up with Crowley who had been waiting. Nina should definitely reconsider the idea of moving the coffee shop to the other end of London. Or the UK.

***

“What took you so long?”

“Just making conversation. It’s polite.”

“Urgh.”

“Very sophisticated. Oh, I have a question by the way.”

“You always have a question.”

“It’s a rather simple one. What did the Supreme Archangel and you do when you spent time together?”

“Piss off, I am going to have dinner alone. Also, I don’t want to see you for a month.”

“So until tomorrow then?”

“Fucking hell, I hate you. But yes, probably.”

***

When the bell softly chimed to announce a customer Muriel instantly rushed around a bookshelf to be of service. They were prepared for all kind of requests and wishes, but most certainly expected the person walking through the door to be human.

Well, they weren’t.

The blond man was radiant and there was a sweet angelic aura around him. How lovely to see a familiar face. Maybe not familiar, they had never met before, but Muriel still considered him a kindred spirit. “Hello, hello, hello fellow angel.”

“Good afternoon. I am…” He paused before standing his name but Muriel didn’t think much of it. Sometimes it was heard to remember things or to get them in the right order. “I am Azrael, a throne sent by Heaven to oversee your progress.”

Muriel hoped he wasn’t here to check how many books they had sold because that would definitely mean trouble. “Oh, yes. I have heard about the new work reviews. How can I help?”

“Just a few questions to begin with. About the Supreme Archangel and the demon Crowley.”

***

“Good morning. How are you?”

“Stop being so chipper. I am still on the fence whether I want to set you on fire or not today.”

“Okay, I think we should do something that will put you in a better mood. I don’t think coffee is the right way to go. What do you think about taking a walk in the park?”

“Alright. Why not. But you don’t talk for half of it.”

***

Everything is splendid. The demon Crowley had a good time today. We went to St. James’s Park and fed the ducks together.

The report dropped from Aziraphale’s hands onto the table. Enough was enough. Even celestial entities had their limits. Coffee, that was one thing. feeding the ducks together was on a whole other level and Aziraphale was not going to stand for it.

An entire choir of angels winced because nobody raised their voice in Heaven. Nobody sounded angry in Heaven. Except for the Supreme Archangel right now.

“Get me that guardian angel! I need to talk to him! Instantly!”

Chapter Text

It must have been about a minute since the guardian angel had said something. Which meant that Crowley could wallow in 60 seconds of sweet silence. After the 61^st he spoke up to divert Adriel’s from his phone to himself. “Okay, what did you mess up? You are no talking which means you are pondering something.”

“Not pondering. Just waiting for the ticket sale to start. I am not going to sit in the back where the acoustics are atrocious. I know what seat I want and I am going to get it.”

Despite already knowing better Crowley always had a gut reaction when it came to the topic of music and angels. “Some five hours long over-indulgence in classical music? Best of Mozart and Beethoven?”

Adriel glanced at him in a way that said ‘Do you even know any other composers’ which was a fairly offensive question. Crowley was connoisseur when it came down to music, he just wasn’t used to being around anyone who liked more than just a single specific genre. Nope, not going down that road.

“Royal Albert Hall. They’re doing Eldenring in concert and I know just the seat for the best sound. Nobody’s going to take that from me.”

“Is that the video game?”

While not raising his eyes from his phone Adriel gave Crowley the thumbs up. Okay, so maybe they couldn’t have an actual conversation until the guardian angel was sure that he had obtained the ticket that he wanted. Or if he figured out that he could just miracle up any ticket he wanted. Perhaps that was something a guardian angel would not do. Some stupid heavenly principle.

“Sweet Satan, how long does it take for that page to refresh? Buying some tickets shouldn’t be such a chore.” Patience was a virtue, so Crowley didn’t even need to pretend that he even had an ounce of it.

Evidently Adriel’s head must have become very heavy because he didn’t bother to raise it. Eyes glued to that phone, fingers swiping. “No, I’m also looking for a ticket for a Depeche Mode concert at the O2 arena. I don’t know the acoustics yet. I’m trying to avoid a complete disaster.”

It wasn’t like Crowley didn’t enjoy a good tune, there was a reason why his car only played Queen. However, with Adriel was an eternal circle of browsing through music on his phone, buying concert tickets or trying to attune himself to some instrument that he was trying to learn. Taking into account that he was a very fast learner and his everlasting lifespan, it was only a question of time for him to have mastered every instrument on this planet. While watching Adriel’s concentrated face Crowley wondered if that was an angel thing. Getting absolutely fascinated by one aspect of humanity and then start obsessing over it. For some reason Crowley considered this possibility as very unappealing. Almost upsetting. How nice that there was something else that he could easily focus on. Annoying Adriel.

“So… Are you actually still doing any work? Or is this now a thing that you spent your evening blowing out your eardrums while you ought to watch over little old demon me? Absolutely wonderful work ethic.”

That was Crowley’s first miracle of the day, even without demonic powers involved, making Adriel look up for longer than two seconds. “Is that your way of telling me that you want to be invited and that I should buy another ticket for you?”

“Hell, that is the last thing I want. I cannot wait to have an evening where I can be sure that you won’t pop in with a stupid question or suggestion. The word for it is bliss. How about you follow some band around on tour?”

Ignoring that last part Adriel put on that exaggerated frown which Crowley couldn’t take seriously. “When did I ever ‘pop in’ with a stupid suggestion?”

“You literally asked me to get up at four in the morning because you wanted to drive to Hampstead Heath to try out fishing. So much wrong with that. Mostly that fishing is boring enough to put a cokehead into a coma and you not letting me sleep is a dangerous game.”

“I am sorry. I can’t get used to the fact that you sleep. It’s on the list of things that I want to try out, but it’s just so time consuming.”

“And every second is worth it. Speaking of time-consuming – have you bought those damned tickets yet?

Slipping the phone into his pocket Adriel quickly nodded. “Yes. Sorry. Would you like to play some chess?”

Crowley didn’t particularly care for that, but it was as good as any. Some satisfaction could definitely be gained from beating Adriel and telling him that evil would always triumph over good. Yes, that sounded fun enough. Three minutes later they were sitting on one of these precious park benches that were attached to a table. It had been occupied but before Crowley had even been able to make an attempt to scare them away, Adriel had wiggled his fingers and they had left.

“That was not angel appropriate behaviour.”

The guardian angel made a nonchalant gesture. “I am sure they’re off to do some good deeds. I am enabling them. Do you want black or white?”

Naturally Crowley chose white to see what reaction that would get him. None. They started playing and barely a minute had passed when Adriel’s hand slipped back into his jacket. “Sweet Satan, will you stop that? You are turning into a human. Obsessed with their phone.”

“It could be a ticket alert…”

“I don’t care. Take that phone out of your pocket and you will lose your fingers.” Crowley wondered if Adriel had to officially ask to get new limbs remodelled if he were to lose any of them. That alone would be reason enough to try it, Crowley wanted to hear the wording.

Obviously, Adriel had learned to pout but he hadn’t mastered the art of not making it look petulant yet. “If Muse is going on tour, then…”

“Then they’re going to play like ten shows in the UK and even I they all sell out in five seconds, then you can just sneak in. Another thing you haven’t done before. You’re all about that, aren’t you?”

“I really hope that one is not for Muse. For your sake.”

Now wasn’t that interesting. A little guardian angel uttering something that could be interpreted as a threat. “Or what?”

“I will stop pretending that cannot end this game within the next four turns.”

Of course he had to suck the fun out of everything, a proper guardian angel. Also, now Crowley had to ponder how he had already messed up the game. No way he was going to let the other one know that. Therefore it was necessary to keep the conversation going. “You’re making any progress on the guitar? Maybe you’ll eventually be capable of producing some harmonies yourself.”

“I am concentrating on the drums. I am getting quite alright.”

It wasn’t the dame. Crowley couldn’t see her running any kind of risk. What was that angel talking about? “Are you? I am having trouble… What’s going on now?”

The slight shift on the bench had been subtle but not enough to go by unnoticed. Moreover, that curl of his lip hadn’t been there a second ago. Poker would definitely be a better game to play against Adriel. Crowley would keep that in mind.

“Nothing of concern. Don’t worry.”

“Goldilocks?” If Crowley couldn’t be an intimidating force on the chessboard, he could at least try and pull off a demonic face. “Anyone trying to sugar coat something? Because you are not quite good at it.”

“I am sorry. It’s just… I am being called.”

They were not talking about a phone call, that much was obvious. “You mean…” Crowley raised one finger to dismissively point towards the sky. Adriel’s face was all apologies. “Yes…”

“Off you go then.”

“No, you’re not going to act as if you weren’t going to lose this game. They can talk to the answering machine for a bit. Can’t imagine it’s something important anyway.”

An angel not jumping at Heaven’s call? An innovative and hardly believable concept. To express his distrust Crowley slightly raised his left eyebrow. Adriel instantly jumped to his own defence. “What? I am a guardian angel. I am currently guarding my ward. This is work. Also, you complained that I am spending too little time with you.”

“Sweet Satan, are you intoxicated? How is it even possible to misinterpret my words to such an extent? Those are some amazing brain gymnastics.” Guardian angels, so resourceful, they always found new ways to frustrate you. From the absurd and somewhat cool way he dressed to the continuous babbling about them being not at complete odds. And the headphones. Crowley constantly fantasied about snatching them from around Adriel’s neck and building a hat out of them. That was a marvellous thought.

“It’s what I gathered rom you telling me I am going to too many concerts.” Adriel shrugged. “It’s still your turn by the way.”

Right, Crowley probably would have to cheat his way out of this. With a bit of luck Adriel would receive another alert that would distract him enough for Crowley to miracle a small earthquake to knock over their table. There was no audible alert but some more shifting around. “Still the answering machine?”

“Yes and I am still working.”

“Maybe they want to tell you that your work is pretty crap.”

“Hey, I just got a work review. It was exceptionally good.”

Right, Crowley needed no more confirmation to be sure that Adriel hadn’t yet realised that the most exceptionally work of an angel could only be considered a mess that a lunatic had quickly thrown together. No need to put that out right now, Crowley could appreciate a conversation that didn’t resolve around angels, their work or them going to work. And not coming back. Not among his favourite topic, Crowley was peculiar like that.

However, the thought had been put in his mind and his guardian angel was pulling a face as if he was sitting on needles and not on a slightly uncomfortable bench. Shouldn’t be that hard to distract him from an impending call. In that regard Adriel was fairly simple. Well, in all regards. He was a guardian angel after all and those guys were famous for having a head filled with light and nothing else. They were the worst.

After moving his rook, an action that he definitely wasn’t confident in, Crowley sloughed against the backrest and graciously paid no more attention to the board. “What’s the whole business with music anyway?”

Adriel’s eyes darted to Crowley’s face although the angel’s face remained tilted downwards. “Sorry?”

Crowley felt the itch to add a shrug to this conversation. Just to emphasize that he didn’t particular care about any of it. Words for the sake of words. Or perhaps to be louder than some call. “How has that become your main thing? I love some good music. Hell, my car loves some good music, but I am not walking around 24/7 with headphones as my necklace.”

It hadn’t been Crowley’s intention to make the other one smile, but he found out that it was a nice effect. Better than squirming or frowning. “They’re only a necklace when I am talking to people. The rest of the time they cover my ears. Earth is so much better with a soundtrack.”

“Don’t you have music in Heaven?”

The smile went puff and Adriel wrinkled his nose in genuine disgust which now made Crowley smile. “Let’s not talk about the Heavenly harmonies, please. It’s always the same, all the time and everybody is a stupid tenor. There’s just ‘Ahhhahhh’ and no lyrics or instruments. Most of them have no idea what percussion even is. Which is sad and infuriating. That’s merely sound for the sake of sound and doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t evoke anything. Sensations. Pictures in your head. Atmosphere. Nothing. Urgh. Why did you bring that up? It’s depressing.”

Yes, Crowley would reward that with a chuckle, which emboldened Adriel to do his other thing – ask questions. “Do you have music in hell?”

“We have all the best composers.”

“But are they still making music?”

“Only if they hate it. It’s supposed to be hell after all.”

“Definitely sounds like it.” Adriel propped his elbow up next to the forgotten chessboard and let his chin rest on his open palm. Big celadon eyes studying Crowley’s face. They had that angelic softness about them, not poking or drilling house. Simple and innocent curiosity. So very odd for a Heavenly creature which prided themselves with already knowing everything when they didn’t have a single clue. “Would you tell me about Hell and what it is like? For you, I mean. As a demon.”

Or maybe not so innocent.

“Same as Heaven is for angels.” Crowley shrugged. “Mind-numbingly boring and filled with wankers. Uncreative. Small-minded. The good stuff is all here. Cars. Booze. People willing to do the wrong thing from time to time. Good clothes. The entire scenery. Ducks. Ducks are pretty cool. Also, music. The good stuff is here.”

“What about the company?”

Despite himself Crowley felt his shoulders moving closer together, making his body smaller to offer less of a surface to attack. Instincts were despicable, they made you think of things that you were actively banning from your mind. Also, to Hell with Adriel for always bringing up the worst topics. “Are you referring to Hell or to Earth?”

“Earth, I suppose.”

Crowley blew a half-hearted raspberry and did an awkward wave with his left hand. Just because he felt he should move in some way. “Wide spectrum of possibilities. From brilliant to horrid. Sometimes it’s both things at the same time.”

The guardian angel hinted at a nod and the openness displayed on his face was undeniable. That blatant and sheer boundless curiosity completely unhidden. Almost endearing. At the sight of him Crowley could be led to believe that this thirst for knowledge and experiences were innocent. Regardless of those big questioning eyes Crowley was well aware that angels were judgemental and that they didn’t just look at thing how they were but how they thought they should be. “What? No follow-up questions?”

Adriel softly raised his shoulders and his smile was genuinely sweet. Crowley was hardly tempted to erase it. This was definitely a sign of getting old. “I can single out the important information. I heard that I am brilliant.”

“And so horrid.” Crowley made a sound that usually only came about when somebody had decided to down a glass of mud in one gulp. “Anyway , it’s your turn now.”

Surprise flickered across Adriel’s face, proving that he had indeed forgotten about their game. It took him a few seconds to refocus and his hand was hovering over his knight when he suddenly looked up again. “Crowley.”

“Hmm?”

“They stopped calling. I am being summoned. Apologies.”

“Huh? What?” By the time Crowley’s lips had formed the ‘t’ the angel in front of him had disappeared in a flash of blinding light. Letting out a pain hiss Crowley covered his eyes with one hand because sunglasses were useless when Heaven was involved. Thankfully the ghastly light went away as quickly as it had shown up to pull Adriel away. Crowley looked at the empty bench opposite him and subconsciously started gritting his teeth.

Bunch of wankers. They had sent him to begin with and Adriel had stated about five thousand times that he was Crowley’s guardian angel. Crowley’s. His. Evidently, only he got to tell Adriel to piss off or to torture him into leaving.

He better be back by the end of the day.

***

Considering that Aziraphale had perfectly mastered the art of dealing with self-absorbed and fairly powerful archangels, a conversation with a guardian angel was supposed to be rather simple feed. That always been part of the plan. Make sure that the angels who were stationed on Earth worked closer together with Heaven, support them and stay in contact to make sure that they were taken care of.

And to secure that they were doing their job.

Obviously, Aziraphale would do anything in his might to keep these conversations as pleasant as possible. Sit down together on two cosy chairs, maybe share a cup of tea and exchange ideas. That had been the plan when he had envisioned this kind of situation. Certainly, reality looked rather different right now.

All the experience and ease he had gathered during his time as the Supreme Archangel had been gone right up in flames. Aziraphale was nervous, jittery and filled with urgency. Something had gone wrong along the way and Aziraphale needed to find out what and rectify it. In the depths of his soul Aziraphale felt that he was trying to extenuate symptoms and not the actual cause of his misery. However, it was easier to ignore this intuition which would come with painful implication and instead focus on something that he could do and didn’t force him to dig deeper.

As it turned out, Aziraphale’s plan wasn’t so easy to realise after all. To begin with, another party was needed for a conversation. That other party refused to show up when they were called upon. Unheard of. Sure, Aziraphale hadn’t always been exhilarated when Heaven had asked him back to report on something, but there had never been a time when Heaven had been obligated to summon him. Because he hadn’t moved. Aziraphale definitely couldn’t claim to be the fastest angel around, yet he had never let Heaven wait for too long.

Adriel had literally put Heaven on hold. Then him personally. The Supreme Archangel. Aziraphale would have never dared to do that when Gabriel had been around. Not that he wanted to compare himself to Gabriel.

No, what Aziraphale wanted were some answers to a few significant and scary questions. It didn’t help his nerves, that had been already stretched thin, that the guardian angel appeared to be itching to get away again. Not because he seemed to be particularly nervous or embarrassed for how he had ended up here. Aziraphale would describe him as impatient and it threw him for a loop. Which wasn’t very helpful since he was already struggling with how he was going to start this conversation. His preferred would be to fire a long line of questions at Adriel. Or rather, knowing himself, awkwardly stumble through them.

Either way wasn’t going to happen because Aziraphale couldn’t condone such impolite behaviour. Let alone engage in it himself. Moreover, he was the Supreme Archangel and Adriel a guardian angel. Unloading his frustration on him was something that went against every single one of Aziraphale’s principles. Undeniably though, a part of him wanted to do exactly that.

“You are a hard man to come by.” At least it wasn’t a hard task to keep a stern and disapproving expression on his face. It also failed to have any sort of impact.

“Yes, I am sorry. It is a rather bad time.”

Maybe one or two days before Aziraphale would have jumped to absolutely terrifying but logical conclusion. Like Crowley being in trouble and his guardian angel therefore being busy. That wasn’t the case now. The conclusions were still bad and Aziraphale couldn’t stop himself from getting angry although he knew how unhelpful that was going to be. He also started to care about that less and less.

“Is Heaven inconveniencing you?” The sharp edge of his wasn’t intentional, but Aziraphale noticed that it didn’t bother him.

The guardian angel slid both hands into the pockets of his coat and offered a sheepish smile. “I didn’t intent to make this sound like a critic, but I was indeed busy with work.”

“Now that’s perfect, isn’t it? You are here because we need to talk about that. Why are you…” Aziraphale could ask his questions or he could do what he actually wanted. What he deemed necessary. What he had the authority to do. Tell a guardian angel what was expected of him and what not. “How is feeding the ducks in St. James’s park or drinking lots of coffee an essential part of a guardian angel’s work? Especially since guardian angels usually aren’t even visible or interact with their wards.”

It was a reproach, not even hidden and Aziraphale thought that he should feel bad for it and couldn’t. Adriel answered with a look of confusion. “Yes, that usually is the case. Usually our wards are humans and do not know about our existence. The demon Crowley is well aware of my existence and presence. As the two of us have already discussed, Supreme Archangel.”

A completely fair point and Aziraphale hated it. He remembered perfectly well how Adriel had told him that Crowley was talking to him and being selfish and superficial Aziraphale had not been pleased about that piece of information. Something that was obviously good. Crowley not being alone on Earth, having somebody to freely talk to. That was something Aziraphale should be happy about and it just wasn’t the case. Because he had no right to feel that way, he had ignored it, had sent Adriel right back to Earth and had tried not to think too much about it.

Talking. Having coffee. Feeding the ducks.

“Yes, we have. Nevertheless none of the recent actions that you reported to Heaven appear to be vital to your main task of guarding the demon Crowley.”

Adriel slightly pulled his head between his shoulders but continued to smile. “I disagree, Supreme Archangel.”

“Pardon?”

“You have told me to also make sure that the demon Crowley is doing fine. To make his life more pleasant.”

“I do not believe that I phrased it like that.”

“Maybe not exactly. Given the circumstances I’ve come to believe that this is my main task. I still keeping mundane annoyances away, but taking into account the conversations that you and I had, I concluded that it should be my priority to ensure that the demon Crowley is happy.” There had been a barely audible pause before that last fatal word. It gave the impression that the guardian angel had not been certain which one to use and had spontaneously settled on this one. Which significant consequences.

Having been rendered speechless was by no means an entirely new experience for Aziraphale. In a particular weak moment he might even be inclined to say that the inability to put thoughts into words had defined some of the most important events of his life. And not in a good way. The seconds passed and there was one word which demanded to be used to react to the guardian angel’s statement. A very simple one with heavy meaning.

No. No to everything you just said. No to everything you will say in the future and a most definite no to all possible implications. What if I end up saying ‘no’ to you in general.

Except that Aziraphale couldn’t. The Almighty hadn’t created him that way. Also, it was still his firm believe that angels shouldn’t treat each other like that. Or anyone at all.

Nonetheless Aziraphale felt a bit helpless and the ‘no’ had to come out. Wrapped up in long line of different words. “That is a very loose interpretation of our conversations. Anyway, miscommunication and misunderstandings do happen. The essential thing is to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I would like you to focus on the traditional part of your duties. Are we on the same page here?”

That should have been the end of it.

Of course it wasn’t.

“If you are asking if we have an understanding here, I have to say ‘no’ because I am genuinely confused.”

The Almighty had to give him strength, Aziraphale was in desperate need. Taking an unnecessary breath Aziraphale tried not to let his annoyance, impatience and that tiny bit of anger get the better of him. “Listen, Adriel…” Another breath or good measure. “You have been a guardian angel for a very long time and you are as familiar with the process as anyone can be. That’s why you were a little perplexed and may I say, sceptical when I first asked you to look after Crowley. Just do that. The perfectly, normal, standard, run-of-the-mill guardian angel program.” An encouraging smile to top off his request and that should be it. Again.

“You didn’t ask for standard or run-of-the-mill.”

Sweet Lord in Heaven. “I am asking for it now.”

“I am still confused.”

“That will pass. Just go back to work and do it like it’s supposed to be done.”

“Why?”

“Why are you asking so many questions? Stop asking questions!”

“I think that was the first one I asked. Also, you explicitly encouraged me to ask questions.”

“Not now. It’s a really bad time to ask questions.”

“Why?”

“For Heaven’s sake! Don’t feed ducks in the park, damn it!” Aziraphale barely restrained himself from covering his mouth with one hand after this little outburst. Well, it had had to come out eventually, given the circumstances. Adriel’s eyes had grown so big that they appeared to make up half of his face and his lips were slightly parted in shock. Right, perhaps Aziraphale could try and make most out of his embarrassment. Clearing his throat Aziraphale straightened up and adjusted his suit to at least feign some dignity. “Well, I reckon we are done here. You were instructed to return to a more traditional manner to fulfil your duties. Oh, moreover I believe that it would be fruitful if sometimes someone were to check in on you and your process. Since we’re doing work reviews now.”

At least the green eyes turned back to their normal size, but they still bore a completely puzzled look. The guardian angel didn’t say anything yet, so Aziraphale continued. “On top of that, you are all alone looking after a ward, when that doesn’t comply anymore with the new rules. You need to be able to take a break after all. From time to time.”

“Sure. Yes. Absolutely.”

“Good.” It wasn’t good. Nothing about this was good. “That’s it for now. You need to go back to work. Next time you are being called, please answer right away.”

“Naturally. That and not feeding the ducks.”

Aziraphale’s face must have done something that he hadn’t been in control of. Something unpleasant and nasty. No matter what it was, Adriel took it as an incentive to quickly say his goodbyes. “Right. I am off back to work then.”

And he was gone, leaving Aziraphale alone who one second ago had thought that the other’s absence would come as a relief. That it would give him the opportunity to calm down or to harbour less animosity against him. Unfortunately he hadn’t thought that through. In the end it didn’t even matter much what they had discussed or what Aziraphale had told the other one to do. Right now Adriel had gone back to Earth which meant he had gone back to Crowley and Aziraphale realised that it wasn’t just about the ducks.

***

Margery counted it as a win that she had let the bed before three pm. She still felt like death warmed over but after the amount of colourful drinks that she had poured down her throat last night that wasn’t very surprising. No regrets, the girls and she had had a blast. The hangover was nightmare regardless. Therefore her plan was very simple – go down the street or rather stumble to her favourite bakery and get some chocolate croissants and then hole herself up back home on the couch and wait for the headache to dissipate.

As it turned out she was in way worse shape than she had assumed because the moment she stepped out of the bakery with a delicious smelling bag in hand, Margery swore she could see a man appearing out of nothingness right next to her. “What the fuck?!”

The man, the vivid hallucination or whatever he was, ignored the woman he had just put in a state of terror. As she stared at him he pulled a phone out his brown leather coat and quickly glanced at the screen. A significant amount of tension fell off his shoulders. “Oh, thank god, it wasn’t Muse.”

This was not normal, seconds ago he had not been there and Margery was hungover, not drunk. “What’s going on? Where the fuck did you just come from?”

Finally he noticed her and rolled his eyes like the annoying gut in her Maths class. “I’ve had quite the afternoon, I am not in the mood for trivialities” He dismissively waved his hand and thinking about it, was it any of her business who this man was and how he had got here? It was high time to head home and cure her headache with some chocolate pastries.

***

“Oh, you are still alive.” That was Nina’s greeting for the blonde guy with a death wish had shown up alone and hadn’t ordered some extra espressos for the demon lord who was not here.

“Evidently. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you are determined to do something stupid and you hang out with a bad crowd. I’ve seen this turn badly for other people.” Nina was having one of those days, she was trying to do a good deed.

A blonde eyebrow went up. “Are you talking about Crowley? He is not that bad. A little grumpy most of the time and terribly stubborn. I am working on that. Since we’re already talking, do you know the former owner of the bookshop across the street?”

There was all the regret in the world and then some dropped right on top of Nina. “Oh no. Jesus, don’t tell me that your jealousy thing is about those two.” Some people were too dense to be saved, however or the sake of her conscience she had to say something, then scrub it from her memory. “Listen, you do not want to get involved in that. It’s messy, weird, a bit sad and also dangerous. Not a figure of speech but actual danger.”

“Oh, I am aware.” The blonde stated softly and there was a gleam in his eyes that didn’t perfectly fit his sweet face. “Trouble has already started but I have to admit that it’s kind of… exciting. Doing something despite knowing that it might get you in a very unpleasant situation. It is a lot like lying, difficult the very first time and then it gets so much easier and fun. The increased heartbeat, the adrenaline and the relief afterwards. It’s similar to music – how can anyone even do without?”

Chapter Text

“So…” Crowley drew out the last letter to give himself some time to dig inside his brain for the correct words to address the guardian angel. Something to let him know that his absence and reappearance had been noticed. Noted. And that was it. Noticed but it hadn’t made enough of an impact to feel any particular way about it. You were gone, now you are back. That’s a thing that happened. “… you finished running away from that game of chess that you were going to lose?”

“I do not agree with this interpretation of events. Hello by the way. Anything special happened while I wasn’t here?”

In a calculated slow move Crowley raised his shoulders and gave his best casual “Nah”. Technically that was absolutely true. No world ending cataclysm, no encounters of ethereal nature, not even some harmless mischief against the innocent bystander to keep himself entertained. Which didn’t mean that Crowley hadn’t been busy. Mostly with thinking. Pondering. The very unpleasant kind. Soul searching. Taking a look inside of himself, not just his messy brain that he was currently digging around in. Crowley had never been a big supporter of introspection or trying to analyse his own motives or behaviour. It was much easier to generally base all your actions on a whim and to simply do stuff. Move forward. Reasons and motivations were overrated and mostly headache inducing the moment one made an attempt to figure out their meaning. As a sentient creature in possession of some intelligence Crowley mostly avoided questioning his own decisions or feelings.

The wretched and depraved ways of the universe however sometimes forced it on him. Like today. That was just what happened when you were abandoned by an angel. Again. Granted under very different circumstances. However there were enough similarities to form a nasty little gang and team up against him. Hit him with bats and because they were already at and it was so much fun they threw him off a cliff afterwards. Right there at the bottom Crowley had plenty of time to have a long deep think about those bloody similarities and why they had had broken his bones.

Angels leaving him without him asking them to. Angel pissing off to Heaven when he explicitly asked them not to. Well, that was only true in one case, but Crowley had been in the middle of a game of chess, he definitely hadn’t expected Adriel to pretty much explode into a beam of light and leave him sitting there like a complete tit. The rest of the day had been ruined. Not because the guardian angel’s company was such a treasure to have, hell no, but the way he had left had flipped a switch in Crowley’s head and since then the gears and wheels had been turning non-stop. Until two minutes ago when a very familiar looking guardian angel had walked up to his park bench. A different one than this morning, Crowley had moved around a bit during his thinking. A very period of thinking considering that the sun was already setting.

“So have you just been sitting here all day? Not the worst way to pass the day.” Adriel crossed his legs and leaned against the backrest. His posture looked very suspiciously like a slouch. Crowley would have smiled if he hadn’t been busy making sure that he didn’t look like the most pathetic creature between the sky and the ground. “I’ve switched benches. Had a lovely lunch. Came back because why not. It was divinely calm during the last couple of hours for some reason.”

“In St. James’s park? I highly doubt it.”

Lazily Crowley rolled his head to look at the guardian angel next to him. “That was supposed to be a personal attack on your character and presence. Heavily implying that you are an annoyance. Now I am directly saying that as a guardian angel you are too dense to get the implications. Also a personal attack.”

“Oh, I got that the first time, but thank you for clearing up any potential misunderstandings.” Adriel yawned for whatever reason and Crowley was feeling a sudden fit of antipathy towards him for seeming so relaxed when he was going through so many different states of unpleasantness. “Also, I don’t believe you.”

Guardian angels. One had to hate them. Especially this one. Crowley would go right back to despising him after he had got a few things off his chest. Or just one. The important one. The one not just on his chest but also in his head. Mostly in his head. The biggest part of him just wanted to blurt it out, but luckily his pride still intact enough to forbid him doing so. Instead Crowley all too casually cleared his throat and willed his body into acting as if he wasn’t sitting on needles. “So… how immensely did you screw up this time that they had to force summon you? Was it something door related? I bet it was something door related.”

Adriel chuckled and Crowley felt to urge to wrap his hands around that scrany neck. When seconds before he had only thought about using them to grab Adriel by the lapels of his coat, to shake him and scream in his face. “No, none of that. It was entirely demon related.”

Alright, so the conversation was going where Crowley wanted it to go without him making a complete idiot out of himself. So far so good. Nevertheless Crowley felt like he was going to throw up the lovely lunch that he definitely hadn’t eaten. “Sometimes I do enjoy being the centre of attention, but not when Heaven is concerned.” Pause to not to appear too eager. “Did you happen to talk to the Supreme Archangel? Or did they finally demote you and you have to talk to the average clerk?”

Adriel stretched out his legs and slid his hands in the pockets of his coat. “Yes, I talked to the Supreme Archangel.”

Really? Normally he would go on and on talking and now Crowley only got one sentence as an answer? Crowley would definitely throttle him if he didn’t have to get some information out of him. For weeks Crowley had kept his mouth shut because that had been the easier way. The only tolerable method. Everything else was just torment. And now… Now it was torment not to ask, not to know. Because of that damned beam of garish white light that had pulled Adriel away from him. Leaving a bench that had been full of annoying, sweet guardian angel completely empty within a single second. It had been a dire reminder. A reminder that angels could disappear very quickly. They were around for a couple of millennia and then nothing. Adriel could disappear at any time. With him the last bit of information. The last bit of connection.

And maybe Crowley would notice Adriel’s absence in itself as well.

“What did he say?” Somebody should award him a medal for the special achievement of talking around the lump in his throat.

“A couple of things. To be completely frank I did not understand most of it. A bit of a work review.” A slightly dismissive wave with his hand and that was just wrong. Nothing connected to Aziraphale could be treated dismissively. Crowley was a demon, he was allowed to be hypocritical.

“You just said it was demon related.” Crowley pointed at himself. “Demon. Right here. What did they two of you say about me?”

Adriel looked straight at him in an almost gentle way. Like any angel would. Or some of them. Hardly anyone. “Nothing. You asked me not to talk about you upstairs.”

“Oh, damn you.” Crowley groaned and let his eyes fall closed in the everlasting frustration that only a guardian angel could evoke. “You know that I am not actually interested in what you said about me.”

“Then why ask?”

“Not interested in what you said.” That should be enough emphasis even for a guardian angel to understand.

The blonde angel sitting next to him simply nodded. “Yes, you said as much.”

What in sweet Satan’s name… There simply was no way that he wasn’t aware what was going on. Which meant that he was doing this on purpose and that could only be described as a pretty nasty development. Crowley was all for people being the worst possible version of themselves, but not when he was negatively affected by it. Sure, he might be responsible for these new traits that Adriel was putting on display, but he wasn’t going to think about that too hard now. “Do not think that I will not smack you across the head. Because I absolutely will.”

“That is not a very effective threat since I do think that I would mind that much. It would be a new experience.”

Crowley was too dumbfounded to set the angel on fire. Which would have been the appropriate reaction. Then he suddenly felt horribly tired and unable to put a real fight about this. Which he shouldn’t have to anyway. “Will you just tell me what he said or continue being a pest about it?”

A pest he was. A pest who smiled at him without any malice. “Nothing impactful, I fear. Let’s say I was… scolded.”

The disappointed stung but Crowley’s interested was peeked nonetheless. “Why? I thought you were always receiving such marvellous reviews.”

The smile almost turned coy. If only for a second. “He is of the opinion I could do better. Focus more. I disagree.”

As if Aziraphale had been such a diligent worker during the last 5000 years. “So he didn’t say anything about me?”

Adriel let a second pass. Then another. “Everything he says is about you.”

So that was it. They were going to have an actual conversation. One that meant something. Granted, they had been fairly close a couple of times, but Crowley had always held a hand up to make sure enough distance was kept. Had he ever had an actual conversation with anybody else than Aziraphale? Probably not. Did he want to? When that potential conversation was going to be about Aziraphale? Crowley longed to ask his questions and at the same time he didn’t want to know anything, because that still allowed him to believe whatever he wished to believe.

Oh, and there was also still that tiny matter of hurt pride and another kind of pain that seemed to be located much deeper. One of them won the battle, Crowley could tell which one and it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to ask the questions.

“Well, seemingly I am interesting enough to be talked about but not talked to.”

Adriel hummed softly. “That is something you have in common. You are doing the exact same thing.”

Neither human nor celestial eyes were able to see it, but Crowley did flinch at that. He was looking forward to that moment in time when Adriel would stop delivering his punches. Beaten down by a guardian angel. Crowley truly didn’t have the right anymore to call himself a demon. Well, technically it wasn’t Adriel who was causing the knot in his stomach and the burning inside his chest. That didn’t stop Crowley from feeling the urge to rip Adriel in tiny little pieces of confetti. Because that wouldn’t actually kill him. Also, he was the only one who was here. The only one who had a clue. Damn it to Hell, he might even understand.

Crowley was well aware that he wouldn’t be able to keep this conversation going for much longer. Which was odd enough because before Adriel had come back all Crowley had been thinking about was asking questions. As long as there was still a chance.

He made a point of fixing his eyes on the almost night sky and not on Adriel. “So has he ever said why he is up there and I am down here? After 5000 years of the both of us being down here.”

The answer was soft and immediate. “No.”

Alright then. Nothing new. Crowley didn’t know what he had expected and he didn’t dare to think what he had hoped for. This was a well of disappointment and Crowley kept coming back to it. With Adriel being the exception. He was still there and Crowley realised with a bit of warmth in his chest that this wasn’t a disappointment. It wasn’t enough though and he didn’t want to spend another thought on any of this anymore. What had or hadn’t been said. Adriel disappearing in the middle of a conversation. Aziraphale.

“This talk has gone stale. I am tired of it. Now just say something stupid like you always do and we can be done with it.”

The guardian angel quirked an eyebrow. “I hardly ever say something stupid.”

“That was already a good start. To remind you. You – guardian angel. Guardian angels say stupid things.” Crowley made a demanding gesture.

“I object to this notion.”

There he was. The ever annoying pest. “Just say the first thing that comes to mind. I am sure it will be stupid.”

Adriel let one second pass and then answered with a completely straight face. “I want to get sunburnt.”

What could Crowley possibly say to that? The appropriate words hadn’t been invented yet. Consequently Crowley settle for simply staring at him and Adriel’s left eyebrow went up again. “Are you alright?”

Crowley shook his head and it actually cleared his head a bit. “That was such a new level of stupid that I had to process it. What on Earth would make you say that? The sun is bad enough to begin with. You want it to turn your skin into a red blistering mess?! That shocking lack of wisdom makes me want to know why. I will regret it, but why?”

Obviously the answer was unsurprising because Adriel had been about the very same thing from the first time he had got into Crowley’s car. That unyielding curiosity and thirst to get to know new things. “Because I’ve never experienced it. Because it’s so ordinary and said to be ridiculously painful and uncomfortable.”

The last part of that statement reached entirely new levels. Even for a basket case like the guardian angel. Granted though, it had helped to take Crowley’s mind of the other thing. The other angel. “Sweet Satan, what are you even talking about? Nobody wants to experience pain.”

A small and somewhat indulging smile was spreading on Adriel’s lips. Telling Crowley that he understood what the demon meant and at the same time that Crowley didn’t have a clue. “That is incorrect. I want to. At times I envy those who already have.”

Crowley asked a breathless “Why?”

“How can one truly feel joy if they have never encountered suffering? In this regard we are nothing compared to humans. They live with so much more intensity. Wallow in sensations that are merely theoretical constructs to us. Grief. Physical pain. Infatuation. Boredom. Petty anger. Love. A sunburn is not so much to ask for.”

All it took was one single silly word and Crowley was stumbling right back into this mess. He wished he could will his heart to stop beating faster. His voice didn’t waver but refused to be much louder than a whisper. “Love? How can that be a construct to you? You are a bloody angel. Aren’t you made of love? Aren’t you supposed to love every damned being walking this earth? And the ones who aren’t damned.”

“In theory.” Still, there was no hesitation to be found in Adriel’s explanation. No insecurity. “I love the creation. As a collective. There is no fierce attachment to individuals. One person dying fills me with a hint of sadness because a part of the creation is gone. There is no difference between them. One’s absence doesn’t tear a hole into me. It doesn’t pain me. Same with their presence. I’ve seen it with my wards. The overwhelming urge to seek somebody out and the joy that overcomes them through the simplest of means. A hug, a kiss, a softly spoken word, even just a glance. It seems to consume them and they revel in it. It’s beyond my understanding.”

Crowley took a shaky breath. “Does that apply to all of you? All angels?”

When Adriel slightly lifted his shoulders it didn’t look casual, but he didn’t give it some thought. He already knew exactly what he was going to say. “I can only speak for myself. I don’t know many others. I do believe though that most would consider my curiosity peculiar.”

Yes, going back to talking about Adriel. Just Adriel. That was better. “Well, I am not an angel but a demon and I can’t stand other demons. Angels are worse because they are hypocrites. Guardian angels are the bottom of the barrel. So I suppose you should be glad that you are peculiar.”

The smile on Adriel’s lips grew a little bigger and brighter. Also a bit teasing. Crowley liked it and he would never admit that. “Was that your reluctant way of paying me a compliment? By insulting me and then trying to soften the blow?”

It felt like a relief to be able to dismissively roll his eyes again. “You can interpret my words any way you like.”

Adriel moved for the first time since he had sat down next to Crowley. He turned, angling his body towards Crowley and rested his head on the palm of hand. His elbow propped up on the backrest. Crowley wasn’t sure if he had ever seen him more comfortable. Or content judging by his smile. Not beaming, just happy. Relaxed. “I am rather fond of you too. Not that much of a novelty, I suppose. You seem to have a knack for making angels warm up to you.”

“Do I?” Crowley stated dryly. “Can’t say I noticed. Apart from you being weirdly unwilling to stop following me around.”

Even when he turned absolutely serious Adriel wouldn’t let his smile fade. “Just my point. I am a token of affection. You shouldn’t forget that.”

He had said that before and Crowley still didn’t feel like he could believe that. Even if he did, it wouldn’t be enough.

Clearly his throat Crowley stood up. “You’ve been gone all day. They probably don’t feed you in Heaven. Let’s go and have some dinner.”

Eagerly Adriel almost jumped to his feet and followed Crowley who had already started walking away. “Sounds wonderful. Can we have Lebanese? I have never had Lebanese.”

Crowley needed to add something new to the list of things that he was never going to admit. He was legitimately curious what kind of food Adriel was going to choose the moment he had tasted all the different cuisines in the world. “Sure. It’s not like I care.”

Now the other one was actually beaming, looking so much like an angel that his punkish red coat couldn’t possibly fool anyone. Another piece of clothing that Crowley thought looked quite dashing. He made a mental note to call it ghastly for Adriel’s sake.

They hadn’t gotten far, only a couple of metres down the path when Crowley was brutally pulled out of his thoughts. He hadn’t watched his step which had resulted in stepping in the tiniest puddle of dirty water. That itself wasn’t the reason why the hint of playfulness inside of him went up in smoke and left behind ash. It was the disgusting tingle in the back of his neck. Crowley stopped dead in his tracks and looked down.

His show was perfectly dry, repelling the water pooling around it with an invisible barrier.

The anger that took a hold of him was cold and cutting. “Don’t do that.”

“I beg your pardon?” Big celadon eyes showed nothing but confusion at his sudden silent but firm tone.

“Don’t do that.” Crowley repeated bitingly and kept his eyes on his shoes. The water not touching them was taunting, but he still preferred it to Adriel’s clueless expression. “I stepped in a puddle. My shoes should be bloody wet.”

“Sure, but this is an easily adjustable inconvenience.”

Crowley’s head flung up and he stared daggers at Adriel. “Don’t you dare!”

“But…”

“I said I don’t!”

“Alright!” Adriel raised his hands and his voice. “Don’t yell at me! If you want your stupid shoes to be wet, go ahead! It’s not like it’s my main purpose to keep everyday nuisances away from you. I was literally trying to be nice! I had thought we reached a point where we could just be nice to each other!”

Crowley hissed. “Your main purpose! That’s exactly why I don’t want you to do that! Everyday nuisances… It’s like I have this gaping wound that’s oozing blood and you’re offering me a tissue! I am drowning and instead of throwing me a life-saver your only concern is that my shoes are day. It’s… demeaning.”

They just looked at each other and Crowley felt that he was wound up too tight. That he might just snap. That the humiliation, the searing pain and the knowledge that Aziraphale just didn’t get it would take their toll and he would rain down fire down on Adriel. Because what else was there to do?

Another soft tingle in the back of his neck.

“Is that better?”

Crowley felt the wetness invading his shoes and socks. “Yes.” He immediately felt like he should apologize but couldn’t. “Thank you.”

The guardian angel just nodded and they continued on their way in silence. But not for long.

“Stick to the joyous sensations.”

“Crowley?”

“Stick to the good ones. Your affinity for ridiculously colourful coats or your stupid music. Enjoy what’s enjoyable to you. Don’t seek out pain. It will find you on its own eventually and it will be horror. You will feel like an idiot for ever wondering what’s it like to begin with.”

Adriel shot him a soft glance. “Are you trying to look out for me? That is sweet.”

Rolling his eyes Crowley let out a deep sigh. “Shut up.”

“When you said stupid music you didn’t refer to Muse, right? Because I will not let this go!”

Guardian angels were the worst.

***

Adriel had been right into messing the solo up for the seventh time when a bewildered and definitely unpleasant voice interrupted him.

“What are you doing?”

Startled he looked at the other person who had just appeared in this room and who definitely wasn’t supposed to be here. Fortunately the moment of surprise didn’t last long and he could quickly identify the other one as another guardian angel. Not a good sign.

Adriel lowered both hands and put the drumsticks away. “Struggling. Probably failing. Led Zeppelin is still proving to be quite the challenge.”

The intruder looked at him as if he had grown a second head. “I am confused. Shouldn’t you be watching over the demon Crowley.”

Not good. Not good. Immediate danger ahead. Keep your cool.

“Excuse me. I believe introductions are in order. My name is Adriel. Who do I owe the pleasure?”

Luckily angels were always forced to be polite. “Forgive me, I was so confused I forgot my manners for a second. I am Gavreel.”

What a stupid name.

“Nice to meet you. What can I do for you? First time in London?”

Deflection didn’t work. “No, I am merely confused because I was expecting you to be around the demon Crowley as you are supposed to.”

Oh no. Oh please no.

“Oh… And why are my whereabouts of interest to you, good friend?” That fake smile was going to hurt Adriel’s cheeks and he only got a blank stare in return. “I was sent by the Supreme Archangel to supervise your work.”

Adriel’s smile fell. “Shit.”

That got him a scandalised reaction. Proper disbelief. “Did… Did you just swear?”

Of course! How was he supposed not to when a stupid guardian angel just waltzed in here and interrupted him when he was trying to master his favourite instrument? “I am terribly sorry. I should have never said that. It just slipped out. Please, forgive me. Oh, you must have the worst first impression of me.”

“You obviously failed to make a good one.” Gavreel frowned in response, clearly displeased. “Why in the almighty’s name would you talk this way?”

Adriel’s mind ran a few miles within a single second and settled on a strategy. “Demonic influence.”

The other angel blinked and Adriel could already see signs of distress. “I am sorry. You will need to explain this a little bit more in depth.”

And Adriel did just that while looking the other one right into the eyes. “Spending a lot of time around a demon, you know. It’s… tough business. At times the viciousness starts to rub off a little bit. Which is why I am here. It’s necessary to get away sometimes. To recharge and to be ready to withstand the evil influence.”

Gavreel looked horrified, but it didn’t turn out to be a win for Adriel. Even when the other one visibly swallowed. “I see. I suppose you will be happy then that you no longer have to face such a threat on your own. I will be at your side to make sure your duties will be fulfilled as intended.”

“Most wonderful.” Adriel put on the biggest smile that his face muscles were capable of and continued to curse and scream on the inside.

Stupid guardian angels. They were the worst and this one Adriel needed to get rid of. Fast.

Chapter Text

I am in trouble. Big trouble. HELP!

Adriel thought that was typing discreetly enough with one hand and holding his phone very lowly. Obviously he wasn’t trying hard enough.

“Why do you have a mobile phone?”

During his existence as a guardian angel Adriel had watched over a lot of husbands which had had an affinity for the word ‘nagging’. They had used it regarding their wives. Adriel had never been able to quite grasp the meaning of it. Until now. His new company was nagging and annoying to a point that made Adriel think inappropriate things. Not the ones that humans would consider the fun kind. It was 2024. Why wouldn’t he have a   phone? Adriel was an angel, not a hillbilly.

“We are visible and walking earthly streets. Everybody else has a phone. It allows you to blend in.”

For now Gavreel looked mostly confused, but Adriel felt certain that whatever feeling was going to follow the confusion was going to be negative. Feeling negative about a phone. A ridiculous concept within itself.

“Who are you communicating with?”

“The demon Crowley.” Obviously.

“Why?”

Because Adriel needed help and was a little bit out of his depth. One second he was peacefully sitting in his flat, trying to finally master that beautifully hard drum solo and then this guy showed up to interrupt a fairly pleasant afternoon. “To keep tabs on him. Besides guarding him. Making sure that he isn’t up to something hellish.”

“That would be a lot easier to accomplish if you were doing your job the traditional way, stayed invisible and around the demon Crowley. Like you are supposed to.”

Judgement from a guardian angel. Crowley had been right, Adriel probably owed him an apology. Right now he kept walking, eyes fixed on the screen of his phone. Both of them were pretty much gliding through the other people on the street. All of them making way without even being aware of it. Adriel was moving with a lot more grace and ease than his companion and he harboured the faint hope that Gavreel would get lost somewhere among the pedestrians. Then again, guardian angels were pretty nifty when it came to finding people they were supposed to seek out. Who knew that better than Adriel himself?

“It’s a lot more complicated than that.”

“I fail to see how.”

Urgh. The righteousness was just dripping off him. Adriel thought of all the notes and melodies he could be listening to if it weren’t for that angel berating him. The headphones were dangling uselessly around his neck and that just felt like an offense. “Have you ever guarded an actual demon?”

“Of course not. You should be well aware that your assignment is perfectly unique.”

“I am aware and given the uniqueness, maybe you should consider that I may know better how to handle this situation. Could I have a moment of silence, please? I am trying to write a message.” Adriel didn’t look up from the screen and continued to slide past everybody who crossed his path. Still hoping that Gavreel would get lost or fall into an open manhole.

Help! ANSWER ME!!!

The tiniest spark of relief came awake in his chest when Adriel saw the words ‘Crowley is typing…’. Obviously he knew that whatever Crowley was going to respond, it wasn’t going to be the immediate solution for his problem, but Adriel could still hope, right?

Stop yelling. What did you do? What door did you destroy this time?

Adriel groaned audibly and he could feel the guardian angel’s disapproving eyes on him. The absolute worst. Moreover, what would it take for Crowley to let the thing with the door go? Adriel had pretty much stopped thinking about that completely. No reason to bring it up again and again and again.

No door! A guardian angel is following me around!

Crowley was typing.

Are you drunk?

Well, that wasn’t helping. Adriel wrote his response, his thumbs moving feverishly across the screen which caused him to mess up and having to correct his mistakes, which led to even more frustration. It was a very big pile. The size of a mountain when Gavreel had the gall to catch up with him and stare him down with disapproval. “Dearest Adriel, I reckon it would be best to stop for a moment and look at the circumstances that you find yourself in. Something must have gone terribly array. It’s time to take a breath and get everything back in order.”

Something was bubbling in the pit of Adriel’s stomach. Then he felt it in his chest. Then not. It was hard to pin down. Most certainly unpleasant, but also strangely energizing. Not entirely unfamiliar to the feeling that Crowley sometimes evoked inside of him, but definitely not the same. This was… It made him want to do things. Yell for one. Grit his teeth. Lean forward and snarl words right into Gavreel’s face.

Adriel’s hands froze and realisation kicked it. He was experiencing anger. For the first time in his existence Adriel was angry at another being. This was so utterly new and Adriel would even be grateful for this new experience if he hadn’t felt the almost overwhelming need to kick the other angel in the shins. Huh. A violent fantasy. Not particularly satisfying. Ideas were swarming his mind. Suggestions on how to reach a bit of satisfaction, how to help to bubbling to die down again. Most of it had to do with harsh words and a raised voice. Adriel wanted to be loud and unpleasant, he wanted to shout in Gavreel’s face to get lost because his presence was disrupting the most wonderful peace that was Adriel’s current existence.

No. Adriel had been on Earth long enough to know that yelling would merely deteriorate a bad situation. Oh, but he did want to.

“I do appreciate the sentiment, I do.” He didn’t. “However, may I remind you that you are not actually familiar with these so called circumstances. I am. I have a special assignment that deserves the title ‘unique’. I will gladly explain to make this easier for you.” Adriel realised that he was patronizing the other one and that didn’t feel bad. “I am guarding a demon. He does not face the normal dangers that mortals do. It is not my duty to guard his life, but to keep his existence devoid of mundane annoyance. Unorthodox, I am aware, but who am I, a simple guardian angel to question the will of the Supreme Archangel?”

Adriel paused quickly to give Gavreel the opportunity to catch up on the fact that he was also just a guardian angel and that he had no idea what he was talking about. Maybe he needed a little more time.

“Demons are fickle creatures. Pawns to their own whims that they cannot control. Subjected to emotions and all kind of indulgences. The demon Crowley is no exception. He is aware of what I am and of my presence. More often than not I am an annoyance to him. Therefore I stay away from time to time.” Luckily Adriel’s memory caught up to him and he remembered what he had said not twenty minutes ago when Gavreel had appeared. “Also, there is the demonic influence. Vile. Horrendous. It’s necessary to get away a little bit. Not to forget the scent of sulphur.”

Gavreel frowned and his scepticism was palpable. “I admit the details of this arrangement are unknown to me, but that does not change that we have a fundamental duty. To stay close to our wards. We ought to check on yours.”

“Naturally.” Adriel answered and couldn’t bring himself to smile. “He will not like to see you though. He has a hard time enough with me already. I would not risk upsetting him.”

Ha. There was a tingle of satisfaction inside of Adriel’s chest when he saw the lines around Gavreel deepen. Good, so he had succeeded in worrying him. Adriel needed to have a talk with Crowley without any ears around. At this moment Adriel just didn’t have a clue to get out of this mess and some helpful demonic input would definitely appreciated. The other guardian angel was hesitant and Adriel felt the anger bubbling up again.

“Staying away is not compliant with my assignment.”

“It’s certainly not a smart course of action.”

“So what do you suggest? The both of us have a job to do.”

“I will talk to the demon. Tell him into the news and ease him into it. He is a demon. You cannot just walk in on him and expect him to be okay with that. The first time I interacted with him, he sent the room on fire. Hellfire. I survived by the skin of my teeth.”

Gavreel swallowed and it was barely noticeable. Adriel wouldn’t dare to describe it as fear, but he had surely succeeded in making him uncomfortable. It didn’t make the anger vanish, however there was a tingle of satisfaction. “Alright. I will catch up with you.”

***

By now the novelty of having a guardian angel burst into his flat had definitely vanished. Nevertheless Crowley had to admit that he was a little taken aback to see Adriel almost stumble over his own feet. His cheeks had a pink flush about them and one golden curl had come loose and was now dangling across his forehead. Out of place. He had never looked less like an angel. One might not be completely out of line to call him pretty.

And totally out of his mind.

“I need help!”

Letting out the deepest sigh that he could possibly muster Crowley glanced over his newspaper. “What else is new?”

“Help! I need your help and I need it now! There’s a stupid guardian angel after me!”

It didn’t take a genius to tell that something was indeed wrong. Or at least Adriel was convinced that this was the case. He was talking way too fast, unable to stand still and he had forgotten to put on one of his coats. If Crowley had wanted to, he could have easily taken this situation seriously. He felt though that it was only fair to finally have a bit of fun.

“Not exactly a rare occurrence. That happened to me to. Actually a stupid guardian angel is here right now.”

“Don’t make fun of me, I don’t have time for that. Heaven sent another guardian angel after me to check up on me. I need to get rid of him before he starts ruining… Well… things!” Awkward and exaggerated arm gestures. This was so entertaining that Crowley couldn’t even be mad at him for rudely interrupting him.

“I am afraid I can follow the intelligible mess of words you are throwing around. You can give it another try and then I won’t even pretend that I’m listening to you.”

Adriel let out an actual whine and Crowley tried his hardest not to smile. “He is here to check if I am doing my job properly and he…”

“Oh, I see.” Crowley smirked smugly. “You are worried that he’ll force you to actually work for a change.”

This time he didn’t get a whine but a hiss. “Will you stop that?! I am in actual trouble. You should know better than anybody! You are constantly pointing out that angels are the worst and that they ruin everything. They are judgemental and they don’t want to know about… anything that’s going on here. He seemed to be offended by my phone! He wrinkled his nose when he heard me playing my drums.”

“Time to accept that you are not very good at it then.”

Adriel lifted his hands and mimed strangling someone before letting them drop in defeat. “I am getting very good! I would love to play something for you but you cannot be bothered to come over to my place. Also… Please, I am begging you. Can you revel in your triumph later and be helpful for one minute? Perhaps I would be able to find a solution myself, but that would take time and I really do not want to lose time. I have a list of things I want to do and he is already keeping me from doing any of it. Can we please work together on this? If he is messing with me, he is also messing with you. Like right now. I am annoying you because he is annoying me.”

Something had Crowley couldn’t even name was telling him to refuse. To tell Adriel not to be bother him with heavenly matters because there was nothing that Crowley despised more. It wasn’t like Crowley couldn’t see Adriel’s point. Guardian angels really did ruin everything and whatever disaster this turned out to be, it was going to affect him negatively. It already was. Still, he felt the need to resist.

“You are right. You are annoying me and that’s not motivating me to figure out how you can solve your problem. Don’t bring them anywhere near here. I have enough trouble with angels as it is. I would like to go back to reading now, thank you.” Crowley turned his attention back to the newspaper, very deliberately pushed everything that Adriel had said out of mind. Of course he was only capable of keeping that up for a couple of seconds.

“Are you angry with me? Did I upset you in any way?”

Groaning softly Crowley shook his head. “No, but it shouldn’t be news to you that I don’t want to be bothered by Heaven or anything related to Heaven. This is most definitely your thing. Keep me out of it.”

One of Adriel’s eyebrows went up in that really vexing way. “What are you talking about? Of course he concerns you. He’s only here because of you. I am only here because of you.”

Crowley felt like his insides were turning into stone. He was able to put some of it in his voice. “Right and I don’t want any of it.”

“Good!” Adriel exclaimed excitedly. “Me neither. So why not be helpful? Is this some demon thing? Because we don’t need to go through the motions. You’ve helped me before.”

“What is there to actually worry about? What are you worried about? What’s the worst that can happen? Do you think you are going to be fired? Doesn’t sound like that much of a dilemma to me. You get another assignment and do the same thing somewhere else.” Crowley shrugged nonchalantly. Angels came and angels went. Nothing new about that.

“What I am doing here I cannot do anywhere else. As a normal guardian angel I am invisible and jump between maybe ten wards all the time. That’s all I do then and I cannot do that. I still have about 1000 songs that I need to learn how to play, a whole lot of concerts that I need to go to and I don’t even want to get into all of the food that I need to try. What I don’t want is another guardian angel to waltz in here and tell upstairs that I am not doing my job right. Get me in trouble and suddenly I get relocated, guarding boring people and their boring little lives.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose Crowley tossed the newspaper away. He wanted Adriel to stop talking. The conversation was making his skin crawl and it could only end one single way, so there was no point in continuing it. “I must be going insane because this definitely sounded like you were complaining that might have to actually work again. Don’t bother me with that your whining. It’s tedious. You get assigned to somebody else, you will sneak away to some concert anyway. That’s not a big deal.”

Crowley had pushed Adriel before. Out of anger, frustration, for entertainment and at times even in a form of friendly banter. Most of the time he had had to face Adriel’s most annoying feat - being ridiculously level-headed and almost impossible to provoke. So it wasn’t much of a leap to assume that Adriel would give him a hard time and deflect most of what Crowley had just said. That didn’t turn out to be the case though. Celadon eyes flashed at him and nothing about Adriel’s demeanour could be described as composed or collected. For the very first time Crowley had succeeded in making him angry.

“I don’t want to leave you!” He was yelling at him. The sweet and stalwart guardian angel was yelling at Crowley. “I enjoy your company. I like you. We’re friends. This isn’t just about what it’s convenient for me. You know all of that and you’re lashing out at me when it’s not even me that you are angry at!”

Adriel’s breath came too quickly after talking so fast and he was staring at Crowley with tensed anticipation. Ready to continue yelling and even more willing to instantly forgive and make up. Crowley, the only other person in the room, was neither willing nor ready to do anything. After several millennia an angel had finally done it, he had melted Crowley’s brain. Evidently Adriel had stuffed too much information with a crossbar into the demon’s head and had led it into overdrive. At a complete loss he could only stare back at the guardian angel which resulted in the most drawn out and uncomfortable silence which had ever taken place between a spawn of good and one of evil.

The last time they had had a conversation Crowley had taken a leap of faith and had dared to ask about Aziraphale. Today he wasn’t feeling as brave. No, that was an overstatement. Crowley was terrified and he furious. Right now though, he was stunned. “I am growing so awfully sick of you thinking that you know everything about me.” That statement didn’t lack bite but Crowley could hear how worn out he sounded.

“I don’t! There are so many things I don’t know about you. I’d like to know everything though. About you and everything in general.” Finally Adriel’s voice grew a little softer. “What I know for sure is that you are angry at another angel for leaving you and you are taking that out on me. Can you not do that and help me? When we’re done with this, I will gladly help you to sort things out between you and the Supreme Archangel. You’re both too bloody stubborn and clueless, I swear… First, I need your help. Please.”

Crowley opened his mouth to snap like a wounded animal in an effort to defend himself because he felt like he had been attacked. Adriel saying things out loud came close to breaking an unspoken promise. An abuse of trust. No snarl passed his lips, not even a sound. He hated Adriel for being right because Crowley couldn’t claim being angry at him. Not more than usual anyway. What he felt was exhaustion. Running one hand down his face Crowley sucked in a deep breath in a meek attempt to make some of the fog around his mind disappear.

“You are the absolute worst.”

Of course that made the edges of Adriel’s mouth twitch to form a small smile. “I am not. I belong in the ‘pretty great’ category. Sometimes you do too.”

Yes, the absolute worst.

Sighing in defeat Crowley made a weak gesture with his hand. “Why are you so sure that this new angel is going to make sure that you end up in trouble?”

“Because he is exactly like you thought I would be. Judgemental. I saw how he looked at my headphones. He wanted to rip them off my head because he doesn’t understand why I would even listen to music. He is already thinking that I am up to no good because I am not around you 24/7. Oh… and…” Adriel had the decency to look sheepish. “I’ve already lied to him about ten times, so when he figures that out I’ll be probably shipped back to Heaven for some boring re-education seminar that lasts for about half a millennia. I am keen on avoiding that.”

The question was lying on Crowley’s tongue why the hell Adriel would lie so much. He was a bloody angel for Hell’s sake. After all, the answer was fairly obvious. “Yes, he’s a guardian angel. So he’s probably a wanker.”

“Definitely.” Adriel eagerly nodded in agreement and Crowley felt laughter rising inside his chest despite himself. It had taken him long enough, but he had done it. Adriel had finally understood that his kind was the worst. “Okay, let’s pretend I have nothing better than to go along with your madness… What do you even think I can do? Damn him straight to Hell?”

Not one of his better jokes, but looking at Adriel’s face Crowley got the impression that the angel didn’t think of it as a funny remark at all. “I don’t think you’re capable of that unfortunately.”

“That’s very unbecoming for an angel.”

“I don’t care, I am a little desperate. It’s new. I don’t like it. Mostly. I like it a little bit because it’s new. Anyway, when people are desperate they ask their friends for help. We could brainstorm over coffee.”

“Or you just go back upstairs and tell them that I said that I didn’t want another angel stalking me. Tell them to tell him to fuck off.”

Adriel’s teeth scraped over his lower lip as he was making a pensive face. “I don’t think that will do anything. He’s not here to watch you, he’s here to watch me.”

“Watching you watching me.” Crowley growled and his calm seemed to be very short-lived. “I don’t care about semantics. It’s against the agreement, so I am allowed to complain. I hereby am officially complaining. So tell the wankers that any additional guardian angels can fuck off.”

The other one was still chewing on his lower lip and looked less excited by the second and there had hardly been any excitement to begin with. “I will respectfully tell you that’s the worst thing you could do.”

“Why?”

“Because…” Adriel released a long breath and raised his shoulders which made him look a little helpless. “You know I am curious. I wanted to see what would happen and maybe I pushed things a little too far. I’ve… upset him.”

“What exactly are you saying?”

“I have the suspicion that this guardian angel is supposed to be a chaperon.”

Crowley felt the inkling to set the room on fire. “What.Are.You.Talking.About?”

“About two very stubborn people and a guardian angel forced in a very unpleasant situation. You are still very upset about the Supreme Archangel and he is upset about you. He wants to make sure you’re alright and literally sent a guardian angel to you. Yours truly. The problem is that I am an angel and we’re spending time together. He is worried that he will be replaced. That’s why the other guardian angel is floating around. He’s here to ease the Supreme Archangel’s worries. Things get a little bit more complicated because I haven’t been sticking to protocol. That’s going to get me into trouble with all the higher ups. What I meant to say… I don’t believe he will be thrilled by the idea that you demand to have more privacy when that privacy involves me and I am already in enough trouble as it is.” At the end of his monologue Adriel shrugged and for the first time since Crowley had met him he seemed to be tired of talking.

That was one thing they had common. In fact Crowley didn’t even want to think about all the different pieces of information he had just been served. They were unpleasant, they were painful and they were rage inducing. No, Crowley was not going to do that. He could focus his attention on something else. Rather simple in comparison to other things that he had already been confronted with. What was one lousy guarding angel against the end of the world?

“So what do you expect of me?” He sighed, longing for the easier times when he had been a serpent and hadn’t had to bother with any angelic business.

The next three seconds were so thoroughly strange that Crowley forgot to be exhausted. A new smile lit up Adriel’s face, going all the way up to his eyes, turning him radiant. Crowley actually found it in him to believe that helping him wasn’t going to be the worst thing in the universe. Perhaps it was something that he wanted to do. How odd. The fact that he also wanted to smack Adriel when he tugged on his hand and made them both sit down reassured Crowley had his mind wasn’t in complete shambles.

“We’ll brainstorm. I’m sure together we will come up with something useful and clever and then put a plan in action.” A coy smirk took the radiant smile’s place. “Preferably very quickly. I have tickets to see Dropkick Murphys tonight. It would be great if we had dealt with it by then. Oh, you should come too.”

Crowley picked his newspaper back up and softly tapped Adriel’s golden curls with it. “You just want me to give you the opportunity to stay lazy.”

It was ridiculous how many times Adriel’s expression could completely change within one single minute. No more exhilarated smile or smug smirk. Now he was just serious. “I want things to stay as they are. I don’t want them to change.”

Crowley’s lips parted on their own to voice a very particular phrase. It had come to his mind naturally without mulling it over for a single second. Nothing lasts forever. Something flared inside his chest and Crowley felt the urge to sneer. Not at Adriel but at the ceiling. The thought crossed his mind to exclaimed something like ‘See? It is possible to want to keep a good thing going’.

“Heaven must be bulging with resources. They can afford to send one guardian angel after a demon and another guardian angel after the guardian angel. Top tier management.”

Adriel answered with a dismissive wave. “Oh, he still has his wards. I was simply added on top of that.”

Then things probably weren’t even as dire as Adriel had described them. A guardian angel with an inclination towards the dramatic. Who would have thought? “Shouldn’t he be busy with his actual work then anyway?”

“That’s how I got rid of him for now, but I am now an assignment. He cannot ignore that for long. Except…” Adriel had a pensive look on his face and there was something about it that Crowley didn’t like. “What?”

“Well, if somehow the bigger part of his wards ended up in more trouble than usual… then he would be too distracted to do a good job at watching me.”

Crowley stared at him in disbelief. “Are you suggesting that I mess with his wards?”

The actual guardian angel shot him a look that clearly stated he had no idea what Crowley’s problem was. “Well, you haven’t done any actual demon work in ages…”

“Are you insane?! You are a guardian angel! How can you even suggest that?!”

“I am not asking you to harm them. Just…” Adriel waved his hands about. “… drop one of them in the middle of nowhere and their guardian angel can guide them home. That could take a couple of days. Or… I don’t know! You must have some non-lethal demonic tricks up your sleeve.”

Running both hands down his face Crowley shook his head. This wasn’t going right. “No. Definite no. I am not getting messing around in innocent people’s life because you don’t want to get inconvenienced. Such an idea shouldn’t even be able to pop into your angelic mind.”

“Why can’t you understand that?! It’s my life that’s going to be messed with! I am asking for your help and you keep refusing it!”

“No.” Crowley stated decisively. “I am… We are not doing that.”

His refusal caused a reaction – the one Crowley had expected the least. A fit of rage and a devoted guardian angel jumping to his feet. “Fine! I cannot do more than ask a friend for help. I will not… inconvenience you by starting to beg! I’ll take care of it myself. I apologize for being an idiot and coming here in the first place. Spend the day in whatever way you like, I will not bother you!”

Adriel turned around on his heels, leaving Crowley stunned. “Oh, damn you! Just wait, you stupid git!”

He didn’t wait and instead vanished. All he left behind was confusion, the deep-rooted feeling that something had gone terribly wrong and all too familiar sadness.

Chapter Text

“Hi. Sorry for the interruption, but you look like woman who could get a decent man into some trouble with some very questionable ideas.”

The girl with the purple hair, the new school tattoo on her neck and the silver ring in her nose shot Adriel a scandalised look. “Excuse me?”

Adriel smiled at her. “Oh, sorry to interrupt you. I was talking to the lady behind you.” A small hand gesture and the girl forgot about him and redirected her attention to her phone. The woman behind her wore a very elegant beige skirt suit and raised a distrusting eyebrow at Adriel. Since time was an issue Adriel decided that some compulsion would be more useful than long speeches or pleas.

“Hello Patricia. I am in a bit of rush… Well, that is another statement. I’ve saved your life and your job a few times and now I’d like you to do something for me. See that nice man over there? I believe that he is in desperate need of some adventure. There surely is no harm in skipping work for two days or three. I’ve heard Vegas is nice around this time of year. Especially for such a proper and non-adventurous person like him. I am sure you will have lots of fun. Oh right, if you hit the roulette table, a five digit number is definitely too high. Thank you, have a blast.”

A small hand gesture and Patricia certainly didn’t have any questions. Not who Adriel was or that man sitting at the counter who she suddenly felt the very strong need to chat up. With her cup in hand she wandered across the coffee shop, to convince someone she didn’t know to make some questionable decisions. Also, to ensure that he was going to have the time of his life.

Leaning back in his chair Adriel took an unnecessary but still calming breath. Three down. Not bad for the short amount of time he had been dedicating to this project, but he would definitely feel better if he had already five under his belt. There were no doubts that a chaotic and charming whirlwind like Patricia would get a guardian angel to work overtime, however Adriel would rather be safe than sorry. Unfortunately Adriel still had no clue what to do with the time that he was buying himself. A swirl of hardly usable ideas was occupying his mind and his only certainty was that he had to find a way to get the spy off his back. To find a solution he needed the opportunity to think, so he had to keep that idiot busy. Three was a number to start with, however, Adriel didn’t believe he would feel much at ease before he had at least hit five.

So, where to go next? It wasn’t like he had a full list of Gavreel’s wards and he couldn’t…

Adriel frowned as he felt a strange sensation on his skin. Hmm, that was new. Therefore it obviously couldn’t be bad.

He couldn’t be sure, but he thought that this feeling were eyes on him. Somebody was watching him. That couldn’t be the first time ever. People were definitely watching Crowley and him all the time. The demon was one to stand out wherever he went and he hadn’t missed an opportunity to tell Adriel what was wrong with the style he dressed in. Unfounded, of course. Adriel looked good, which was a reason why people might be watching him.

He turned his head, curiosity driving him to find out if there were indeed eyes resting on him. There, at the other end of the dining room, an elegantly dressed man sitting at a table. The fact that he was looking at Adriel was not as interesting as his boots. They were magnificent. Adriel made a mental note to look out for a similar pair. Well, if he wanted to ever wear them, he had to remain on Earth and therefore he had to continue working. The man had turned his attention back to his coffee anyway. Adriel had to get going.

***

“Peas? That is peculiar. Don’t you have any bread?”

What Crowley certainly didn’t have was patience for other people’s stupidity. Also there was the audacity of trying to talk to him when he was feeding the ducks. Evidently he did the only thing he could do.

Turning to the woman who was standing next to him Crowley flashed a particularly hideous demon face and she reacted appropriately. A high pitched scream and she rushed away. Least she could do. Now that was alone again Crowley stared at the pond and came to the unpleasant realisation that having the necessary silence to be able to think was nothing to aspire to.

The silence and Crowley’s sudden ability to hear his own thoughts were unmistakable proof that Goldilocks was not around. Obviously not a bad thing because Adriel was annoying at the best of times. At the worst of times he provoked a lust for murder. Still, even when he wasn’t here he could ruin Crowley’s day. A guardian angel who threw a temper tantrum, who had ever heard of that?

Part of it wasn’t so hard to understand. Adriel had enough brain activity to know that Earth was the real deal. Heaven and Hell were what happened when you got deal a really shitty card. Or died. Same thing. Didn’t give Adriel the right to run around like a chicken that had lost its head and pester Crowley with it.

That and mentioning Aziraphale. They should have reached the point by now where he knew that this was forbidden territory. A minefield. Crowley couldn’t cut Adriel slack or being a guardian angel forever. Even the slow ones on the uptake had to get this, Crowley didn’t want to hear about Heaven or Archangels. One guardian angel he could maybe put up with and that was enough of a challenge already.

“Goldilocks, I am here I you are ready to make amends! I you have gotten off the train to crazy town.”

One tiny little advantage when wanting to contact a guardian angel – no need for a phone. He didn’t even have to yell. Naturally Adriel even let him down in this simple endeavour. Nothing. No guardian angel anywhere and that was just frustrating.

What could the fool possibly be doing? Crowley should be damned if Adriel was actually chasing after some other guardian angel’s business. Not even Goldilocks could be that stupid. Right? Oh, who was Crowley kidding?

He couldn’t wrap his head around why though. How could an angel be so worried about Heaven punishing them for procrastinating? That was all Aziraphale had done in five millennia and nobody had ordered him back up there.

Okay, the obvious difference was that Aziraphale was now he one who did the ordering.

Crowley swallowed around the bitter taste in his mouth and threw a handful of peas rather at than to the ducks.

Aziraphale ordering angels around. Laughable. Maybe he could ask one angel to do him a favour. If that wasn’t too much of an inconvenience. That wouldn’t explain why Adriel acted like a headless chicken. Well, the obvious explanation was that Adriel couldn’t help himself because guardian angels were prone to do stupid things. Stupid guardian angel. Such a pest.

One of the ducks shot him the darkest look a duck could possibly muster. Either the bird had mastered the ability to read people’s minds or it had to do with the peas being used as projectiles.

Alright, when Crowley tried to look at the disaster objectively he would be forced to admit that Adriel ranked pretty low among the worst pests that Crowley had ever met. Otherwise he would have got rid of him. Despite a lot of evidence pointing at the opposite, Crowley was well aware of some methods to rid himself of unwanted company.

Okay, so Adriel’s presence wasn’t entirely unwanted. Crowley groaned because somebody had to be annoyed by this realisation.

Now that moment of reflection and insight hadn’t answered any of the questions floating around. First of all – Why was Adriel so freaked out over surveillance?

It was an unpleasant experience but Crowley finally spend more than two seconds thinking about what Aziraphale was up to. Or why. His mind was already coming up with excuses and exit strategies because it was so much better not pondering any of this. No. A shaky breath allowed some reprieve before he told himself to go through with it.

Adriel was freaked out that the Supreme Archangel Aziraphale could pull him out of here for sucking at his job. For not protecting him properly? That was beyond stupid. Crowley was a demon and didn’t require protection and the idea that Aziraphale had sent Goldilocks to soften the blow of his own absence…

The wood of the railing that he was leaning against cracked beneath his fingers. Crowley’s grip on it had grown so much tighter without him noticing it. Evidently he couldn’t do this without his angers surging and trying to eat him up.

If that had been Aziraphale’s genuine intention then the blow definitely hadn’t been softened. Instead it felt like he had put on a metal glove wrapped in barbed wire. It felt like that right now. This couldn’t be attributed to Aziraphale’s usual daftness as an angel. Such inconsideration bordered on brutal intention.

That Crowley was unwilling to believe.

Token of affection had Adriel called himself.

Had he actually used the word ‘jealous’? Crowley couldn’t remember but he was certain that Adriel had hinted at it because the very second he had done so, Crowley had immediately pushed that notion away from him. Because of it being ridiculous in so many ways.

Jealousy was so very non-angelic. Aziraphale had left and hadn’t reached out since. That wasn’t the behaviour of a jealous person. Jealous of what? What on Earth was there to be jealous of? Jealous of the company he shared with Goldilocks? What the actual fuck! Aziraphale had sent him here in the first place!

None of that made any sense and Crowley might rip his own hair out soon enough.

It wasn’t unheard of to come and regret decision that had already been made. Crowley had a few of those. Was that what was happening here? If so that pissed Crowley off even more. Aziraphale had chosen Heaven and had left. He had waved the right to be jealous that exact moment. He had sent Goldilocks here and Crowley didn’t want to kill him anymore. Tough luck. Aziraphale had no right to terrorize Adriel, that was Crowley’s privilege because he ultimately wasn’t going to set the guardian angel on fire.

Alright, if jealousy was the reason, it was another bitchy angelic move and Crowley was not going to put up with it.

After having taken a breath Crowley spoke a lot quieter now. Volume didn’t matter, guardian angels could hear their wards anywhere and anytime.

“Goldilocks, that should have been enough time for you to stop losing your mind. Come here and we’ll have a conversation like normal people. Well, at least we can try. Don’t be a wuss. Sorry by the way. We’ll work something out and you can go to your silly concert. How about that?”

A second passed. Then another one. Crowley looked over both of his shoulders, then back at the pond. Only the pissed off duck stared back at him.

“I’ll even go with you there.”

Still nothing.

Crap.

***

“Have fun at the casino!” Adriel did a little wave, watched the ward leave and then instantly let his shoulders slump. Of course this body was a million times better than his ethereal form, but Adriel could do without the exhaustion. That would go on the contra list of things about being on Earth. It was a very short list.

For now Adriel was just done and he’d like to crawl underneath a blanket in a comfy bed and sleep. Maybe have some hot chocolate first. Well, there was something even better than pillows and chocolate and he could have that right now.

Leaning against the bar Adriel shot the barkeeper a smile. “Hi, one scotch please.”

He was served immediately and Adriel enjoyed a long first sip. That could be good start for an evening of relaxation because Adriel had definitely earned it. A glass to cool down before he would leave and…

A bug was crawling up Adriel’s spine and he could feel every single one of its legs. A sensation that caused little shivers that weren’t pleasant but so absolutely unique. Then it wasn’t just his spine, but his entire torso. Adriel lowered his glass and squirmed. It was involuntary because he hadn’t yet decided if he actually wanted to shake off that feeling. Not before he had explored it. Where was it coming from?

When Adriel turned his head a new sensation overcame him and despite its novelty he couldn’t approve of it. Nervous was something he could deal with. Actually, it was something he rather enjoyed, it was so close to excitement. This was something different. This was fear. Not the feeling he had experienced when he had first met Crowley. Deep down he had known that nothing would happen to him and right now Adriel had no idea what was going to happen.

What he knew beyond a shadow of the doubt was that there at a table sat the man he had seen earlier this day. Looking straight at him, a smile on his lips that was more smug than friendly. He raised his own glass in a toast and it was apparent that he wasn’t looking at Adriel because he was pretty or interesting. No, this was professional curiosity. This was business.

That man was not a human being.

How could the heart do such things? Only three seconds ago it had been beating at a leisure pace, doing his normal job and now it was hammering. Trying to break Adriel’s ribs so it could get out. Away before judgement came upon him and this body wouldn’t be of use anymore. Run. Was running an option? Should he throw his glass? Shout that he had seen Taylor Swift out on the street and escape in the chaos? Grab a knife and do… something?

Was this panic? It felt like it and Adriel hated it. He should try to think and… Was that man now actually beckoning him to come over with his finger? Adriel’s heart was doing the thing again, only worse. His next breath was shaky and this was nightmare territory. Not that Adriel had ever had one.

Running away was not an option, obviously. Had he been sent to drag him directly back to Heaven? What kind of angel was Adriel dealing with? A soldier to track him down and discorporate him here and now? How long had he been watching? Gaining information to tell the Supreme Archangel just how far Adriel had strayed? Oh no, he had seen Adriel trying to get people into trouble. The very last thing a guardian angel should do.

Now he didn’t have much of a choice. With his glass in hand and not so steady steps Adriel walked over to the other’s table. Time to be attentive and at least try to be smart. If he didn’t want to be forced to leave.

He appeared to be younger than Adriel had assumed at first glance which didn’t mean anything when angels were concerned. Adriel had a tough time to settle on the correct colour that could describe his hair which distracted him from his terror. Metallic grey? Or rather silver? No matter the description, it was neatly slicked back and tugged behind his ears and Adriel thought that if one strand should come loose it would reach down to his chin. The features of his face were sharp, perfectly proportional and easy to look at. Not to mention the bright blue eyes. Such a light and intense shade didn’t come natural to humans. For an angel they were strangely lively.

“Hello Adriel.” It was the kind of friendly greeting one didn’t expect when they were neck deep in trouble and made Adriel believe that he was in for worse than he had thought. “You probably know already why I am here.”

Between walking over and sitting down Adriel had not come up with a plan and instead thought of Crowley. Probably he wouldn’t be too upset not to see him again. Definitely not surprised. What else to expect from a stupid guardian angel.

Stupid. Yes, that he could do.

“I am deeply sorry, but I fear I do not have a clue. Moreover you’ve caught me at a very inopportune time. I am already supposed to be on my way.” Hopefully the expression on his face was one of innocence and not one of fear and guilt.

The other angel continued to smile which didn’t look particularly happy. “The very first thing you say to me and it’s a lie.”

Oh damn it. Only an idiot would double down now. Adriel instantly doubled down. “I am sorry. I am confused. I am angel, I am incapable of lying.”

The smile was gone now but the other one didn’t look completely hostile. “Doing it again. Lying. That’s just one brick in the wall, isn’t it? Neglecting your duties. Acting in self-interest. Getting innocent mortals into trouble. You are indulging in all kinds of vices. Things cannot go on like this.”

So they knew. Damn it. Was he going to send Adriel back straight away? Did he want a full confession before that? Adriel couldn’t go back. He didn’t want to go back.

“I am protecting a demon which requires me to be visible and to interact with my surroundings. That comes with certain challenges. I am trying to cope.”

“You will have to admit that living a mortal life without any drawbacks is a lot more than just coping.” A soft laugh was uttered. Not scolding or patronising. Almost amused. Because he thought it was funny how foolish Adriel was? “At this point what is left that defines you as a guardian angel? It’s mostly keeping up appearances, isn’t it?”

Adriel didn’t understand. Why was he still putting up with and not send right to his punishment? Back to Heaven to a monotonous routine. To silence or worse –angelic choirs. Instead the angel was listing things that Adriel had done wrong without enforcing any consequences. How was this supposed to go? The other idiot guardian angel had been harsher to him, so… Did he want Adriel to say it? To actually admit to his so called mortal life? Was that how things worked now? Did he need a confession and then he’d be allowed to immediately smite Adriel?

Had the Supreme Archangel sent him? Would he start asking about Crowley next? Adriel didn’t have a clue how these things worked, so it was definitely better to not give anything away. Lawyers always advised their clients to stay silent. Or at least to not incriminate themselves. “I am afraid that I still cannot follow you.”

The other angel scoffed softly and leisurely brought the glass to his lips. After a long sip which he seemed to enjoy he met Adriel’s eyes. “I am neither the accuser, the judge, nor the executioner. There is no need play pretend with me.”

Those were some words that didn’t inspire a lot of optimism in Adriel. “So what are you then?”

A new smile and this almost appeared to be benign. “I am a warning. Just here to remind you of what directions thing can go. What is next for you?”

When Adriel remained silent and merely frowned the angel laid out a few options. His voice walked the perfect line, making everything he said sound completely mundane and then so appealing. “There has already been disobedience deception, joy in being the cause for someone else’s misery. The list, however, is still long. Anger? Arrogance? Clamour? Sloth? Greed? Drunkenness? Pride? Lust?”

Most of those Adriel had already dabbled in, not always intentionally. Some had come about through curiosity and Adriel’s never ending willingness to explore new things. None of those suggestions provoked an intense reaction. Except for the last one. He hadn’t considered that one yet, mostly because he hadn’t come around to it. Was that even something guardian angels were able to experience? Well, Adriel had been able to experience everything else so far. Was lust something that could be sought out? Didn’t it have to be awakened from inside of you by someone else?

Those eyes were really very unnaturally bright but not enough to be unsettling. They nicely matched the silver hair. Or was it grey?

Adriel shook off that thought. “I received the warning. Anything else? I have a ward to take care of.”

The other didn’t seem to be upset by how obviously Adriel wanted to get rid of him. “Nothing that you do not already know. Heaven can be unforgiving and brutally efficient.”

Yes, the warning had definitely been received. Adriel didn’t even think of saying goodbye when he got up and left the bar. The message was very clear, but Adriel’s mind had been made up even before that very rattling visit.

He was not going to go back.

***

“What’s wrong? You’re pulling a face and I should have learned by now, but let’s be honest. I probably never will. So? What’s wrong?”

Crowley looked up from his still full cup of expresso and saw Nina’s mildly annoyed face. Why was she asking? She had perfectly good eyes and could very well make out that the chair opposite Crowley was empty. “Any idea where to find a guardian angel who inconveniently got lost? No? Then conversation’s over.”

Fortunately Nina got the message and left him alone. Good for her because in his current state Crowley was not willing to give any guarantees. This was career and reputation suicide. Being worked up over a guardian angel. Over his absence! Two days of horrible blessed silence and Crowley was…

Crowley was moments away from calling headquarters. Not his own headquarters. The one from above. Somebody needed to do a welfare check. Maybe he would have already done so if there wasn’t that doubt nagging at him. That Adriel was simply sulking or that he was doing this on purpose, so Crowley had to reach out.

To Heaven. To Aziraphale.

This was the second reason why Crowley refused to do it.

Typical guardian angel, not even capable of taking care of his only ward. Probably some band had gone on tour and Adriel was following it around. He could have called though or at least leave a voicemail. Letter.

Except that Goldilocks wouldn’t simply leave like that. It wasn’t his style.

Then again –that was what angels did, right? They turned around and left you behind.

Cursing under his breath Crowley got up from his chair and grabbed the newspaper that had been lying on the table. Maybe with a little too much force, the full cup of expresso had almost hit the ground. Almost. There was an invasive and unfamiliar tingle in the back of Crowley’s neck. No, definitely not.

“I am not even going to threaten you or waste a lot of words. You show your ugly mug right now or I will drag you by your hair out of sodding invisible state and then burn you into a black crisp. Which I am going to crush with the sole of my boot. That wasn’t a threat, just a fucking promise.”

Crowley wanted a moment, another one.

“This is… highly unorthodox.”

Crowley spun around and there was indeed confronted with the ugly mug of a guardian angel. Not his guardian angel though. No more diplomacy needed. Crowley grabbed him his equally ugly tunic and got right up in his face. “Who are you? What are you doing here? Where is Goldilocks?”

A shaking lower lip. Good, Crowley was still capable of evoking at least some terror. “I… I am your new guardian angel.”

Don’t burn his face off just now. Crowley got a little closer and sizzled. “Where is he?!”

“I don’t know! I don’t get told these things!”

That was it. Even Crowley had his limits.

Chapter Text

“Now listen to me you pompous, stuffy piece of heavenly crap.” Crowley hissed like the snake that he was and the guardian angel’s eyes almost popped out because nobody had ever used a single nasty word against him. Good. If there was some justice in his world, the angel’s head would explode. “You will vanish into thin air right fucking now! Preferably you cease to exist too.”

The puny and annoying creature spluttered and appeared to be shocked to a point that could shatter his reality. Crowley would have felt good about it if he hadn’t had so many other things on his plate. So much more important. Too important to leave any room for misunderstandings. Misinterpretation. Crowley was going to make so damn sure that this louse, even with his limited guardian angel brain, could perfectly well comprehend what Crowley wanted from him.

“Do you have a death wish? Why are you still here?” A truly terrifying snarl and it turned out to be effective. The guardian angel shimmered out of existence and Crowley didn’t care what kind of shit Heaven had to pull to how to make all the witness forget what they had just seen. He had places to go and perhaps there would be fire involved.

Reason dictated that Crowley immediately went to the source of the problem which was Heaven, as always. Just the thought evoked such reluctance that Crowley decided to exploit his other options first although they offered little potential of success. He would first go to Adriel’s flat which he also had continuously avoided until now. With a lot of luck that silly angel would be sitting at home, pouting and playing some overdramatically sad tune on the piano. Crowley didn’t believe it himself, but at least it was a plan that didn’t involve a trip to the fucked up holy lands of Heaven.

If his brilliant plan A should fail, against all odds, he would have to step foot into the second most gruesome place that he could think of, also known as Aziraphale’s bookshop. That definitely had to be avoided. It might not be possible though if Adriel’s flat wasn’t going to offer any hints to where the guardian angel had ended up. Just the thought of it caused a surge of heat to rise inside of Crowley. The unpleasant kind, the one that made him want to shed his own skin. How much angrier could he become before this body would actually go up in flames?

Unbothered by the stares and the gasps of the people in the café Crowley stormed out, well aware that his boots were leaving scorch marks on the floor. He had done it before and the world had kept spinning, so they should bloody well focus on their coffee and leave him be. The door slammed shut behind him and made an ugly noise that he barely noticed. Crowley’s eyes quickly scanned the street for his car because his mind was clouded and solely focused on what he had to do, he simply couldn’t access the memory of where he had parked it merely 15 minutes ago. Also, he was incapable of even trying. It wasn’t necessary, the car was right on the other side of the street.

His thoughts had turned into a maelstrom of unconnected images and torrid emotions that were impossible to separate or to categorize. Not that he even made a single attempt to do so. Right now there were only two things in existence – the car and the place he needed to go.

Crowley stepped onto the street and two very different noises met his ears at the same time. Water splashing and sizzling. His body came to halt, frozen in that exact moment and movement. The string was wound up so tight, almost beyond its capabilities. Crowley could feel the strain and that wasn’t the only thing he felt. Looking down Crowley saw exactly what he had expected. His right boot was surrounded by murky water, the remainders of last night’s rainfall. Crowley had stepped right into it, he had heard it. He had stepped into it. And yet his black boot remained immaculately clean. Spotless. His foot and sock dry. The water seemed to politely pull back around him, not daring to touch his shoe and soil it. Crowley was standing in a puddle and he didn’t get wet.

The snap was deafening. Something brittle, torn and so very foolish had held him together up to his very point. Until now Crowley wouldn’t even have accused it of doing a very good job. This little ribbon. How could it be respected for its abilities when Crowley could taste the hot and bitter fury every single moment? Lying there on his tongue. Nestled in, not in the back of his mind but all over. The one constant companion that simply wouldn’t go away. It had been there for so long, ready to take over completely.

Only now Crowley realised that his rage had had nothing but one hand on the wheel. At most tugging a little bit, but so obviously not directing the course of action. That little tattered ribbon had achieved something that merited acclaim and deep admiration. Now it was gone. The last piece of resistance and actual structure.

Crowley was standing in a puddle of dirty water and his feet weren’t wet. The universe was pretending that everything wasn’t shit. No, not the universe.

There was nothing to hold back his anger, so it came out. Right there on the street in front of Nina’s coffee shop. Crowley uttered a scream that didn’t come from his lungs but from his soul. When its sound touched the air, it turned into words.

“Don’t you blood do that! You do not get to fucking do that! You do not get to pretend everything is proper and so niftily clean when I am standing in shit! This is shit! You buggered right the fuck off and left me standing here like a tosser! All of this has been shit and you do not get to act like ‘Oh, it’s fine, just needs a bit of polish’! I am done with that! Done with all the little stupid things you do that are supposed to… I do not bloody know! I am done! If you have something to say, then show up and talk to me! Get your stupid, holy, pampered arse down here to where I am standing in this puddle of shit and bloody talk to me or stay away!”

The uncontrolled stream of words left him breathless and his limbs were shaking. Wanting to do something. Preferable something violent. He wasn’t done though, Crowley wanted to continue screaming.

However, something happened and distracted him from doing so. Something unexpected and Crowley went rigid.

Aziraphale was looking at him with his ridiculous soft eyes that were still incapable of hiding anything. Right in front of him was an angel in the most boring and equally posh clothes which couldn’t hide that he was barely holding it together.

He was right there. Crowley had given up all composure to yell in the streets like a madman and that was all it had taken? A public loss of control. Now that was just adding insult to injury. This sudden apparition should have definitely rendered him speechless. Instead there were almost too many words that he wanted to say at once. Right into Aziraphale’s face. A face that didn’t look much different from the last time he had seen him. There was an undeniable rush of relief running through Crowley at the realisation that his eyes were perfectly normal. Missing that unnerving glow that Gabriel’s always had displayed. What he could find in Aziraphale’s eyes was the very familiar nervousness and awkward discomfort when the angel didn’t quite know what to say. Something stirred inside of Crowley’s chest and months ago this kind of sensation in regards to Aziraphale could have only been positive. Now, that exact feeling was very hard to determine in its nature. Crowley was a mess of too many conflicting emotions to even properly name another one than anger.

Aziraphale tried to crack a smile at him but failed miserably. It was strained and couldn’t hide the fact that the angel felt put on the spot and was far from being at ease. One would have a very hard time searching even a smudge of anger or displeasure on his features.

“Uhm… hello.” The same heavy-handedness that had always been there. Even that subtle hand gesture. Like Aziraphale had instinctively wanted to wave and decided against it mid-motion. Either adorable or absolutely irritating. Whichever Crowley might have chosen eventually, it didn’t matter because his feelings about whatever Aziraphale did wasn’t something that Crowley wanted to dwell on.

There ought to be an abundance of words. All the paper in the world that had ever been bound into books, filled to the edges with words. Things that Crowley wanted to say. Accusations and reproaches that he was so perfectly entitled to. Shouldn’t Crowley have gone over this imaginary meeting in his mind over and over again to act out all the things that he wanted to say? Except that he hadn’t. Not even once, not even a single phrase. Whenever his thoughts had even dared to wander off in that direction Crowley had deliberately walked the other way. Anger was so much easier.

With Aziraphale here, right in front of him, Crowley felt that he should say something. Especially when the angel looked so at loss and unsure what to do. More uncomfortable than guilt ridden. So many bloody damned things to say. Inside Crowley’s ribcage, or wherever else his wretched soul had chosen to dwell, said soul seemed curl itself into a small ball. Impenetrable and holding back from lashing out itself. From screaming and shouting so many words. Not even creative or silly ones. Ugly ones.

The ball was vibrating, the anger so palpable and ever present. Crowley had been angry for months. Angry at a vast variety of things and people. Even concepts. Especially though at that nervous angel here. Not today though. Today something else had bothered him.

Crowley looked down at the damned puddle and he found the words to say on the surface of the murky water. Now well-equipped Crowley met Aziraphale’s eyes. “Bring back the guardian angel.”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened in surprise and although he had clearly understood what Crowley had just asked of him, something about it appeared to be too difficult to grasp. At least to give an immediate answer. The appropriate one. The one Crowley wanted to hear.

More vibrations. Tugging. That ball wanted to explode. Crowley raised his voice just a little bit, what came out of his mouth was mostly a hiss. With insistence. “The bloody guardian angel that would never shut up. Send him back. Now.”

That was why he was standing in the middle of the street like some stupid tosser. Why he was shouting and why he had stormed out of the coffee shop a mere minute ago, trembling with anger. Because Crowley had again lost something. This time it didn’t feel like he had been abandoned but robbed. Both sensations were horrid and the common denominator was standing right in front of him. Certainly Crowley was going to put a lot of the blame on Adriel too but the twat had to come back first to suffer the consequences.

The demon’s repeated demand had definitely been understood, Aziraphale’s face didn’t offer the tiniest bit of room for doubts. Surprise had been most effectively chased away by another intense emotion that Crowley wasn’t quite he sure he could determine. Pain. Humiliation. Disappointment. Whatever it was, Crowley didn’t think it was his responsibility to consider how Aziraphale felt. His own anger was already quite more than enough to content with.

Aziraphale’s lips parted for no sound to pass them. Then he did this thing of his, when he straightened his back and his coat in an attempt to make himself in control, unaffected or maybe even sophisticated. There was also raising his chin, of course. Aziraphale cleared his throat and the first actual words he said to Crowley were hushed. “If that’s what you want.”

It shouldn’t have been surprising that it hadn’t taken more than this simple response for the ball inside of Crowley’s chest to expand. To swell and to explode. It might have smashed his ribcage and decorated his insides with little pieces of bones. That feeble excuse of a human body most definitely wasn’t up to hold this in any longer. So Crowley started shouting, again. What came out of his mouth weren’t exactly words but a flood which had been withheld behind a dam for an obviously too long of a time. Crowley had contained it on purpose and now it couldn’t be bottled back up again. Not that he even thought about that in this moment.

“What I want?! That’s not what I want! An annoying always talking guardian angel with headphones for ears around every bloody hour of every bloody day is not what I want! I told you what I want, I have made it blatantly clear. Which was a fucking disaster and you don’t get to stand here and make assumptions about what I want when I bloody hell well told you!”

Those unnecessarily big eyes in Aziraphale’s face widened even more and by the way the muscles of his face twitched one would assume that he had been hit. Which was good but Crowley couldn’t gain any satisfaction from it.

“Crowley, do you really think… this is the right place for this conversation?” Unsure, shy, maybe even a hint of pleading and Crowley still just saw him walking away. “Argh, why the hell not?! These people have been dying for entertainment, haven’t they?!”

Some damned pedestrians that had been curiously watching the scene for half a minute now instantly fell victim to Crowley’s wrath. They hurried away as fast as their feet could carry them when Crowley flashed his teeth. “See? They’ve been bored out of their minds ever since rents have gone down, the oceans have been cleaned and crime has evaporated! What else are they supposed to complain about?!”

That met the first bit of resistance. Some of that discomfort faded away when Aziraphale’s face hardened just a bit. He still looked mostly surprised. “You cannot fault me for doing a good job in a position that has been neglected for… Well, as long as it has existed.”

“I fault you for doing a good job, I am faulting you for having a job! For millennia you have been trying to do as little as possible and the second we could just walk away, you take on the biggest job of all! And walk away! With probably the biggest wanker they have up there! And stay up there and instead of calling or maybe even writing a bloody letter you sent the worst blight that the Almighty has ever come up with after me!”

Confusion was back, Aziraphale’s eyebrows went up and Crowley’s hand twitched because it wanted to make abrupt and very unpleasant contact with Aziraphale’s cheek. “Guardian angels! You disappear from the surface of this planet and sent a horde of idiots after me! Like you were filling out a bingo card how you could make life even more miserable for me! Whatever else could that plague be used for!?”

“They are not the plague. They are guardian angels!” Aziraphale shot back, without much force but a bit of frustration. “They are… Yes, they are not the brightest bunch, but they’re normally pretty good at their job and being discrete.”

“Being discrete?!” Crowley felt like his head was going up in flames. It was hard not to scream. Or why wouldn’t he scream? A more justified reason wasn’t going to come up or another 1000 years. So Crowley began to scream and added some exaggerated gestures because he had no idea what to do with his hands. “This!” Crowley used both of his hands to point to the puddle he was not standing in. “Do you call this being discreet?!”

For Aziraphale it was any other emotion and then back to confusion. Like right now. “I fear I don’t understand.”

Mere seconds ago it had been Crowley who had indulged in a violent fantasy, now there was brutal thunder in his head that suggested that he had been hit. Who was to say that he hadn’t been? The power in his voice had effectively been robbed. “Yes. Of course you don’t.” Suddenly Crowley was overcome by an unbearable fatigue that forced down his shoulders. He could not find the energy to continue this fight or to let out what had been building up within him.

“They were never meant to be a nuisance to you. They were merely supposed to…”

With a drawn out sigh Crowley let his head fall back and talked over the other one. “I don’t really give a toss and I don’t feel like hearing any of this. Just make the wanker who did this go away and send Goldilocks back.”

“Goldilocks?” Something about Aziraphale’s voice. So taken aback and maybe a little hurt but Crowley really was not in the right state of mind to think about that.

“Adriel. The guardian angel that will not shut up but curiously enough is capable of listening. Send him back.”

“Right. Uhm…” Aziraphale swallowed visibly and squirmed. “That might not be so easy.”

“Why?” Evidently Crowley still had enough energy left to snap.

“It is a bit odd and most of all embarrassing, but it appears that he has just… disappeared. We’ve been looking for him for some time and… we cannot seem to find him.”

As if more proof was needed that Heaven just could not get its act together. “How can you lose a guardian angel?! They can barely count to two and stumble over their own feet! How can someone like that hide from you?!”

Aziraphale didn’t have an answer to that and Crowley tugged at his own hair because what else was there to do.

***

Another child almost bumped into him, startling him and made it a challenge not to fall down into the sand. The little one didn’t even acknowledge the incident, didn’t apologize and continued to chase after his friend.

“Apology accepted.” Adriel muttered to himself and instinctively brushed off his coat. There were too many people on this beach. They made him regret coming here in the first place. Regret wasn’t anything new, so there was no good side to this. Negativity wouldn’t be helpful either, so Adriel took a long breath of fresh air and tried to refocus. This was supposed to be a new and beautiful experience, one that he yearned to make before time might run out.

Alright, back into the sensation. Let’s go. Adriel continued his stroll and when that didn’t bring the result that he had hoped for, he stopped and dug his toes into the sand. Wiggled them and then pulled a face. This was it? Really?

“What is a guardian angel doing at the beach when his ward isn’t here and therefore not in danger of drowning?”

Startled Adriel looked up and his heart instantly had to start working overtime. No, it was too soon. He did not want to leave, he had barely crossed out anything on his list and his list was pathetically short because how was he supposed to know about all the things that he needed to discover when he hadn’t discovered them yet?

Apart from being most definitely scared of the other’s angel presence Adriel felt mostly angry at himself for not noticing him earlier. That should be number one priority. It was hard to run away from somebody when you didn’t notice them being there.

At least he didn’t look outright hostile. Which, admittedly he also hadn’t the last time Adriel had seen him. Not that it would make much of a difference when he would drag Adriel back to Heaven. Okay, this was not the time to lose his nerve. The angel didn’t look like he was about to snap handcuffs on him or whatever they would use in that kind of scenario. Adriel had no idea, honestly. He had asked a question and Adriel saw no point in not talking to him. There was always the possibility to talk oneself out of trouble, right? Also, Adriel had never done that before, so that was a plus.

“I am on a break. There is a chance that you haven’t heard of it yet, but we’re now required to take breaks ever so often. New policy.” That was a half-truth. Perhaps that would work out better for him. Adriel tried not to look at the other too much. Not because he was hard to look at, he certainly wasn’t, but Adriel had the nagging suspicion that this angel was very good at reading people.

“I assume this could be considered a nice spot for a vacation. Not my cup of tea, I suppose.” He took a little look around, more at the sand and the people than at the ocean. The wind was tugging on his jacket which was very nicely cut actually. Adriel would have liked to wear it himself if it were another colour than this boring beige. Bright blue would be a good choice. Like the angel’s eyes.

“What kind of place would you prefer?” Of course Adriel genuinely wanted to know and furthermore he sensed a small chance. What if he could get the angel to see Earth as what it was. A gorgeous collection of possibilities. Perhaps then he wouldn’t immediately send Adriel back.

The sun created white patterns in his grey hair when he turned back to look at Adriel. Or was it silver? “It’s too bright. If the destination has to be a beach, then one beneath a cloudy sky. Water too cold to bathe, no people except for one or two that are taking a walk. This way you can hear the waves. There would be plants all over. Not artificially clean like this one. You would only get there by foot, after a 20 minute walk. That sounds about right.”

“It sounds… incredibly specific.” It clearly wasn’t the picture that had come up whenever Adriel had thought of a beach. However, he would love to see it.

“Yes. That is not why you are surprised though.” The angel crossed his arms in front of his chest and offered a smile. It didn’t look very friendly. “You are surprised because I answered your question truthfully while all you offer me are lies.”

Adriel felt his mouth drop open and something very strange was happening with his face. It was warm. Instinctively Adriel brought up his hand to touch his cheek and realised that he was blushing. Had his body done that before? It surely must have. Crowley had definitely said something at some point that had made him blush. Had he? That revelation threw him off and Adriel scrambled for his words. “What? No. I told you before… I don’t know how to lie, I am an angel!”

“Your ward. Crowley. The demon.” The angel tilted his head and his eyes felt like they had an actual grip on Adriel. “Is he incapable of telling the truth?”

“No, but I think he does lies quite a lot. To himself.”

“If a demon can wield the truth, an angel is surely capable of arming himself with lies.”

Well, Adriel had walked into that one and from now on he’d definitely keep his lips sealed. He couldn’t forget that the angel was here to literally get him. To take him back for breaking the rules. Maybe even punish him. Adriel didn’t believe that he was in for a smite, but he could easily be in for a couple of thousand years behind a desk. With only memories of music to accompany him.

No, that wouldn’t do.

“I’ve already listed your transgressions the last time we’ve met, so I will not go over that again. Could you now tell me what you are doing here without lying to me? I don’t think I have done anything to deserve your dishonesty.”

That much was true. The other one hadn’t done anything yet. Except for being ominous and making Adriel nervous. Also, lying obviously didn’t work as well with angels as it did with humans. Angels that weren’t stupid guardian angels. Crowley would love this.

“Alright… I want to make the most of…” The time before they shipped him back to Heaven? “… this. I heard that sand between one’s toes is a wonderful sensation. I was curious and wanted to try it.”

Bright blue eyes flickered from Adriel’s naked feet back to his face. It took Adriel a second to recognize the expectation. Holding his gaze Adriel shrugged lightly. “It’s not great.”

The reaction wasn’t what Adriel had expected. The angel’s mouth began to form another smile. It was unlike the ones he had seen before because there was positive emotion behind this one. Like a smile was supposed to be. He was amused. Like the jacket, it was a good look on him When Adriel wasn’t thinking about how the angel was here to deal some punishment, he could acknowledge that they had sent him a beautiful executioner.

An executioner nonetheless as he was quickly reminded when the smile went away again. “So, is it worth falling from grace for?”

That hit and Adriel felt the urge to recoil a little bit. No. No, because it wasn’t fair. “I suppose not. I also don’t think it’s a good enough reason for Heaven to discard anyone. For the sensation of sand between one’s toes.”

“The desire for that sensation is not enough, I agree. Neglecting one’s ward, ignoring Heaven’s call, actively trying to hide from Heaven and getting humans into trouble as a guardian angel – that warrants damnation.”

Adriel took a step back, a shard of ice piercing through his chest. He was afraid, he was insecure and angry about how unfair all of it was. For a second he met the other’s eyes before Adriel preferred to examine the sand. His hands came up to gently touch the headphones that were wrapped around his neck. “I just want to listen to music.”

The angel slightly cocked his head and Adriel was very aware of his gaze. A few seconds of heavy silence and Adriel played with the childish notion of actually running away.

“Perhaps you should try wet grass.”

Adriel’s head flung up, but the other one was already walking away. He thought to smell the faintest scent of ash.