Work Text:
From the moment Taeyoung stepped foot in America, he heard the whispers. His parents urged him through the airport, past a group of brightly clothed people. He’d always been attracted to things that sparkled like the rhinestones on those people’s heels. He never understood why other people didn’t.
Every June, he’d try to come up with some kind of excuse to get to downtown Miami. His parents always turned an eye up at his pestering. They had to have known that Taeyoung just wanted to see the pretty colours, the smiling people, the makeup and fashion. He craved the upbeat music and laughter and cheering that comes with parades. Other parades were boring. The parade in June was magic.
The tiniest part of him resented how his parents never let him go. Maybe it was a secret blessing that they’d moved back to Korea a few years back. Not that they could stop him, a whole adult, anymore. Plus, he’d heard the parade was even better in Los Angeles.
Now that it was 2001, he stood proud in the back of a pick-up truck and waved to the people he’d always wanted a community with. They matched each other’s beaming smiles.
It was Robaire who’d insisted Lemongrass get them a spot in the parade. Their manager made quick work of getting them a spot on one of the local radio station’s “floats,” which was a strong word for the truck that lugged them, and a speaker, around.
Next to him, Robaire and Jesse were arm in arm, singing along to Tina Turner’s “The Best.”
Beads of sweat turned to diamonds under the June sun. Taeyoung tapped Jesse’s shoulder.
“Sunscreen.” He teased.
Jesse rolled his eyes. “You suck.”
“It’s Pride, Jesse. Live a little!” Taeyoung slipped in between the duo, earning a playful nudge from Robaire. “Sunscreen!”
“Whatever.”
The chorus of the song hit, and Taeyoung threw his arms up. “You’re simply the best!”
Aaron T slid beside them, and set off a confetti canon into the sea of colour. They cheered, but to Taeyoung, it was more than just “they.” The siblings with rainbows braided into their hair cheered. The trans girl in the pink hijab leapt up and down and waved. Taeyoung waved back, and she turned to shake the girl next to her, eyes light with glee. The two old men hugging between a pride flag sang along to the music and swayed together. The poly trio, in their varying statures, styles, and smiles, screamed for the attention of the guys. When Jesse heard his name, he popped back up in all his half-sunscreened glory, and made a heart above his head. The guy in the front completely froze, eyes wide and near-manic as the other two stimmed, cheered, and sang. The person with the angel wings and wild enthusiasm looked up from their Polaroid camera, nearly letting the newly printed picture slip through their fingers when Taeyoung’s eyes met theirs. The artist, with their glasses slipping off their nose and paint on their overalls waved a small trans flag along to the beat. The person in a light yellow ski mask held up a sign of encouragement for the parade-goers. Aaron T tipped his hat to them.
His gaze lingered a while longer when he made eye contact with a young, no older than ten, Korean boy. He stood with his family. Each time he jumped to see above the people in front of him, Taeyoung caught a glimpse of the tiny lights glued onto his sneakers. They shone like the specks of glitter on his face paint.
Taeyoung let his glossy eyes turn up in a wider smile. “잘생겼어!”
The boy’s eyes grew three times their original size, his bright red cheeks rising with a matching smile.
“You better not be teaching kids how to swear again.” Aaron Z chimed in from the other side of the float. Taeyoung just laughed.
***
Each booth at the festival was a complete surprise. The unorganized chaos of resources, shops, food, and lounge spaces spun like a CD on fast forward around Taeyoung. Neon signs begged for his attention, but couldn’t keep it when the people weaving around the group were just as bright. He squeezed Aaron T’s hand a bit tighter, holding onto the tangible in the fantasy world he’d found himself in.
“I’m thirsty,” Aaron T whined.
Robaire gave him a sympathetic glance. “I know.”
“You don’t love me.”
Jesse scoffed. “I told you, if you wanna wait in that mile long line for lemonade, go ahead.”
“I’m fine with it! It’s you lot who’ve decided it’s not worth it. Poor me. I’m going to shrivel up and die because nobody waited in line with me.”
“Good grief,” Jesse muttered.
Aaron T tugged on Taeyoung’s hand. “C’mon, don’t you want lemonade?”
He found his voice to be far out and hazy. “What?”
“We’ve completely lost him.”
“This is just so cool,” Taeyoung mused, “I never wanna leave.”
“In that case, we better get some lemonade.” Aaron T’s grin was wide, near devious. “You need to scope out your water sources in your new home.”
He giggled. “I guess you’re right.”
Aaron Z winced. “This is a bad idea.”
“Why?”
“You two? Alone?”
“They’ll be fine.” Robaire gave Aaron Z’s shoulder a squeeze. “It’s just lemonade.”
Jesse scrunched his nose. “They’ll be waiting for like, an hour.”
“We get it.” Aaron T waved him away. “So we better get in line right now!”
“Christ.”
As thought Aaron T was a lighthouse, guiding Taeyoung with an illuminating arm, he shuffled along behind his friend to a lemonade stand that he couldn’t remember passing. The line wasn’t nearly as long as he was expecting, but it buzzed with excitement in the same way he’d been buzzing from the moment he stepped onto their float.
“You okay?” Aaron T asked, “you seem out of it.”
Taeyoung blinked, surprised. “I’m just really happy to be here.”
Aaron’s scrunched eyes were warmer than the June sun. “Me too.”
The boy in front of them, no older than sixteen, glanced back, then did a double take. “Whoa!”
Taeyoung waved. “Hi!”
For a moment, the boy was slack-jawed. He stood up straighter. “I know you were in the parade, but I can’t believe you’re here.”
“Can I tell you a secret?” Aaron T nodded him closer. “Nothing could’ve kept me away from this.”
Taeyoung nodded with extra enthusiasm. “He sneaks out all the time. What’s your name?”
“It’s Ben.”
“Nice to meet you, Ben. I’m Taeyoung.” He held his hand out for Ben to shake it.
Ben’s face flushed a deep red. “Hi.”
Aaron T snapped. “Scarlet Spider!”
“Yes!” His eyes grew wide. “How did you-?”
“Ben.” Aaron T grew serious. “I love Spider-Man.”
“No way!”
“Yes way! That’s why I learned acrobatics!”
“That’s so cool.” Ben looked between the two of them. “Can I say something?”
Taeyoung tilted his head with a smile. “Of course.”
“It really means a lot that you’re here. I’ve loved y’all since I was a kid, and I’m not gonna lie, I always thought that I’d never see people that I look up to at Pride. Like, it’s embarrassing, but I always kinda assumed celebrities pretend their LGBT fans don’t exist, but you’re here. You’re here, and you’re choosing to see us and support us. That’s... yeah.”
Right then, it hit Taeyoung.
He was a teenager again, watching footage of Pride festivities whenever he walked past a store that had TV’s in the window. He was alone in his room again, humming Diana Ross’ I’m Coming Out hours past his bedtime, when he knew his parents were asleep. He was his younger self again, watching his parents try to hide their horror when he insisted on singing a song for them in his old living room. Why were they horrified? What was Taeyoung doing wrong? He had to make it better, right?
But he didn’t. He couldn’t.
Aaron T’s eyes flicked over for just a split second. He must’ve caught the prickling tears forming in the corner of Taeyoung’s eyes, because he took over quick, leaning down so he could meet Ben at his level. “Can I tell you another secret?”
Ben nodded quickly. Aaron T leaned in even closer and whispered something.
“Are you serious?”
“Mhm!” Aaron T looked awfully proud of himself. “But remember, it’s a secret.”
“Got it!”
The lemonade stand employee called Ben forward to order. Taeyoung leaned in to Aaron T. “You gonna tell me what you told him?”
“Nope!”
“I figured.”
“I think our job is more important than we realize.”
Taeyoung’s brows furrowed. “You think?”
“I know you know what I’m talking about.”
He watched Ben smile and take the lemonade from the employee. “Yeah, I do.”
“Next please!”
“Can you order?” Taeyoung asked quickly, “I’ve gotta-”
Aaron T shoved him lightly. “Go say what you need to say.”
Taeyoung nodded his thanks, and unceremoniously chased after Ben as he strolled away from the stand. “Ben!”
He turned, surprise raising his brows high up his forehead. “Uh-”
“Sorry, I just...” Taeyoung took a moment to catch his breath. “I’m really proud of you.”
“Wha-”
“No matter what you choose to do, no matter who you are, you’re out here living. You’re being yourself, ugh that’s cheesy, but like-”
Ben smiled a little bit. “You make that easier, you know?”
Taeyoung’s words caught in throat.
“You’re an Asian guy in music.”
“You wanna do music?”
“I do.”
Taeyoung used his sleeve to dab at the corner of his eyes. “You’re gonna make me cry.”
Ben laughed.
“Just remember that I’m rooting for you.” He put both hands on Ben’s shoulders. “And that I’m glad you’re here.”
“Thanks Taeyoung.”
“Happy Pride, Ben.”
He glew like sunlight hitting a sequin. “Happy Pride!”
Taeyoung let out a small, content sigh as Ben walked away.
“They grow up so fast.” Aaron T’s voice came from behind him.
“Jesus! Don’t do that!”
“Lemonade for you good sir.”
He took it. “How did you connect Ben to Spider-Man?”
“His bag had a Spider-Man pin on it, right next to the trans flag one.”
“Ah.”
***
Finding the other members again was a trivial task, considering Robaire could never go two seconds without singing something. Taeyoung and Aaron T followed his siren song until they spotted the boys, chattering away. Robaire had a Pride flag draped over his shoulders. Aaron T snatched it.
“Hey!”
“Mine!”
Robaire blinked slowly. “Aaron.”
Taeyoung offered Jesse a sip of lemonade, which he gratefully took.
“I want a flag.” Aaron T pouted.
Aaron Z scoffed. “We can get you your own flag.”
“Robbie~”
Robaire sighed. “Yeah, okay, c’mon, I’ll show you where I got it.”
“You’re the best!”
“I know I am.”
The duo strolled away, arm in arm. Taeyoung took his lemonade from Jesse. “What’ve you been up to?”
“Oh nothing, just waiting seventy years for you to get back.”
Aaron Z gave him some side eye. “You’re so dramatic.”
Jesse shrugged. “It’s Pride.”
“You wanna take a look around?”
Taeyoung nodded vigorously. “Yes please!”
Aaron Z nodded in a direction. “Let’s go.”
The three of them visited pretty much every booth they passed. Each of the brightly coloured tents had a variety of treasures to explore.
At one of the booths, a cute little shop of homemade items by a lesbian couple, he bought a pair of clay dove earrings. As he walked away, the woman operating the store complimented him on his nails.
At another booth, Jesse stopped to ask for a couple of pamphlets about something, Taeyoung wasn’t really paying attention, when a staff member approached him and Aaron Z. The person grinned.
“Wanna play corn-hole while your... friend?” They seemed unsure. “asks us some questions?
“Corn-hole?” Taeyoung looked to Aaron Z.
“It’s like a bean bag toss.”
“Oh! Sounds like fun!”
Aaron Z laughed through his nose. “Mkay.”
Turns out, Taeyoung was shit at corn-hole, but Aaron Z was equally as bad. Ten minutes of zero points for either of them, and Taeyoung was on the ground, laughing so hard that standing wasn’t an option. Aaron Z tossed another bean bag, only to hit Taeyoung instead of the hole.
“Sorry!” Aaron Z snorted.
“Aaron.” Taeyoung gasped between fits of laughter. “I can’t breathe.”
“My God.” Jesse appeared beside Aaron Z. “You’re horrible at this.”
“I’d like to see you do better.”
He cracked his neck, then his knuckles. “Hand me a bean bag.”
Taeyoung squealed and shuffled further away from his corn-hole. If there was one thing about Jesse to not be underestimated, it was his throw.
The bean bag soared through the air and slid just a little bit when it hit the board, right into the hole.
“He scores!” Taeyoung cheered.
Jesse took a bow. “Told you.”
With a huff, Aaron Z failed to hide his smile. “Whatever.”
After their mildly successful corn-hole escapade, they ventured to the booth next door, a quaint little booth with no line and a wide variety of colourful face paint example sheets.
Taeyoung squealed. “Ah!”
The person sitting at the booth, a tall man with a handsome beard, sat up. “Ooo! You’re just stunning!”
He giggled. “Are you the artist?”
He got up from his seat to shake Taeyoung’s hand. “Aye. That’s me.”
“Will you paint my face?” Taeyoung was already reaching into his bag to find his wallet.
“Of course!” He directed him over to a chair. “Which design?”
“Take your pick!”
Taeyoung settled in the chair, paid the man, and shut his eyes. Jesse, who’d taken a seat on the grass beside the face painting chair, chimed in, “How long have you been face painting?”
“Years darling,” he laughed, “no canvas is better than skin.”
Aaron Z’s voice came from somewhere behind Taeyoung. “Were you ever a makeup artist?”
“You could say that.”
“Ooo!” Taeyoung tried to keep his face still as the man brushed paint over his nose. “Sounds juicy.”
“I used to live in New York, lots of opportunity to practice makeup there.”
“Oh!” Jesse said, “like ballroom?”
The man paused. “Yes?”
“I watched Paris is Burning.”
He hummed. “That checks out, white boy.”
Jesse laughed, a completely warm and happy sound. “I’d love to hear more about it though.”
“I never walked the balls, I’d just help out backstage, painting people, fixing costumes, no house association.”
“You must have interesting stories though!” Taeyoung was only half-following, the new words enticed him in a way that was almost familiar.
“Oh of course, behind the curtain is where the most interesting stuff went down. Are you gonna head to the stage in forty-five minutes?”
“Is something happening?” Aaron Z asked.
“Cirque Désole is performing. Amazing queen, I met her at a ball in ‘93. Hold still.”
Taeyoung willed every muscle in his face to freeze.
“She walked with the house of l' éclat at the time, but she left once she got into the Club Kids scene.”
Jesse sighed wistfully. “I love it here.”
“You can open your eyes.”
Taeyoung blinked, just to make the briefest eye-contact with an awestruck Aaron Z.
The man took a step back, tapping the end of the paintbrush to his lips. “Hm.”
“I feel pretty.” Taeyoung posed in his seat.
He grabbed a light blue feather boa from a box under the booth. “This will do it.”
The feather’s drew giggles from him as they tickled his neck. He posed a few more times. “Can I see?”
“Of course.” The man procured a mirror from behind his back. Taeyoung stifled a gasp.
The area around his eyes was painted hues of pink, purple, and light orange. The colours blended and curled around each other like watercolour on his skin. Across his nose and cheeks, light caught flecks of glitter. He shimmered.
He always wanted to shimmer.
“Wow.” Taeyoung breathed. “This is perfect.”
“I know.” The man glew with pride. “Thanks for letting me have fun.”
Out of seemingly nowhere, Jesse chirped, “Aaron wants his face painted too.”
Aaron Z’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“You do,” Jesse insisted, then turned to the man to hand him more money, “he’s just too nervous to say anything.”
Taeyoung gestured for Aaron to take the chair.
“Fine.”
With a giddy shoulder shimmy, Taeyoung took a seat next to Jesse.
* **
Once the guys regrouped, Taeyoung had regained his usual amount of focus, perhaps even more than that. There was something so correct about their presence there, something so powerful about Robaire and Aaron T letting their rainbow flags catch in the wind or how Aaron Z walked with his head higher, his afro twists hanging looser by his face after he took his headband off. Every once and while, Taeyoung would recomprehend that Aaron’s hair was significantly longer when it wasn’t pulled back.
Then there was Jesse, who’d proven himself to be the Pride social butterfly. He complemented outfits with vocabulary Taeyoung had only seen in his mom’s fashion magazines and every third person seemed to be someone he’d met in art school. Turns out Los Angeles was where a lot of southern artists moved to.
Alas, they were in a bit of a rush to make it to the stage in time for the drag performance, so Jesse stopping every few seconds to chat with people was starting to become a problem.
“Madonna!” He pointed to a person dressed as Madonna from the Holiday music video. The person grew a huge smile and waved. Taeyoung shook his fists in a small stim. Jesse always called him into the living room whenever Holiday was playing on MTV. Even just seeing the outfit was a boost of energy.
Robaire charged ahead though, eyes set for a spot close to the stage. It was in direct sunlight, which seemed to be a deterrent to the general Pride population. Oh well. Taeyoung was amply sun-screened. He’d be fine.
As they got settled, a voice echoed from the speakers on the stage.
“Good afternoon Los Angeles!”
Applause rampaged through the crowd. Taeyoung cheered extra loud.
“ My name is Cirque Désole, and I think I’m feeling fresh today! How about you, are you feeling fresh?”
“Yes!” Taeyoung yelled with the rest of the crowd.
“And are you staying sun-screened and hydrated?”
“Yes!”
“Then let’s get it started!”
A very familiar piano riff danced in the slight breeze as Cirque Désole stepped into view. The ends of her platinum blonde wig touched the small of her back. The hair was teased out into an exaggerated side part.
Like her hair, her dress also contrasted her ebony skin. It landed around her mid thighs, the golden tassels shifting in the light as she walked forward. With an electric focus, Cirque started to lip sync.
“ At first I was afraid, I was petrified. ”
A hush fell over the field as she commanded their focus. Taeyoung didn’t dare breathe as Cirque gazed across crowd. The sun caught her from behind, outlining her with a warm halo.
The music picked up and she moved with even more energy. She reached for the audience, she commanded Taeyoung to believe the words she mouthed. She quelled every feeling that wasn’t awe, wholeness, and love.
In the moments that Cirque Désole was looking at him, Taeyoung finally understood why drag queens took their title from royalty.
But that wasn’t the best part.
When the song ended, when Cirque took a sheepish bow and waved to each of her subjects, Taeyoung caught sight of the other members, the emotion, the glisten, the way such a performance changed them.
Cirque took the mic back from a stand on the stage. “ Well that was fun!”
That was an understatement.
She took a more serious stature. “Now, Pride isn’t just about celebrating the Queer people who stand on stages, it’s also about celebrating all of you. Living your life as you are is protest in itself! Let’s just not forget our siblings of colour, okay?”
The crowd roared with applause.
“I see a lot of white people here today,” Cirque continued, “and so, as your Queen, I command you to look out for one another, to use your privilege to make this country safe for everybody standing here today.”
A head, Aaron T’s, rested on Taeyoung’s shoulder. A part of him tried to giggle, but that just turned to a dampness around his eyes.
“Moved” was not a powerful enough word to explain the hurricane in Taeyoung’s chest. To be broken down to the most vulnerable and pure part of himself, then nurtured so delicately, it was something he’d never felt before. There wasn’t a part of himself that he loathed, not while Cirque spoke. Every ounce of shame peeled away.
There were people like him.
There were people like him that wouldn’t pick and choose which parts to love.
He hadn’t spoken a word to her, but she’d completely changed his life.
Taeyoung whispered, “Everybody needs to see her.”
Aaron T chuckled. “That’s just drag, Tae.”
Cirque piped up again. “So now that we all agree on that, let’s shake things up a little! Can I have some volunteers?”
***
Somehow, unbeknownst to the still dazed and emotional Taeyoung, Jesse ended up on that stage. He stood with his back to the crowd, next to some poor, unsuspecting and equally confident person.
The notion of a lip sync battle was new to Taeyoung, but he could only assume that it would be something pretty standard, not unlike when he’d lip sync to whatever CD happened to be in his CD player when he got ready in the morning.
The buzzer sound at the beginning of Britney Spears’ “Stronger” signalled the start of the battle. Jesse strut to the front of the stage like a practised model. When the music broke to pause after the start of the first verse, he held a pose, gave side-eye to the innocent guy who’d been forced into this duel, and spr u ng back into action when the music kicked back in.
When the other performer realized what was happening, they picked up the energy.
The real battle began.
They engaged with each other, taunting each other with their delivery of the lyrics.
Where Jesse was sensual, the other person was strong. Where the other person was serious, Jesse was playful.
The bridge hit, and the other guy dropped into a split, checking their nails as they lip-synced the words, seemingly unbothered by the rampaging cheering.
“Jesse’s gotta do something.” Taeyoung frowned.
“He will.” Robaire stared ahead with a huge grin. “Trust.”
The bridge started to give way to the last chorus. Taeyoung held his breath.
“ I- ”
Jesse put a hand to his chest.
“ I’m-!”
He pointed that same arm up, as though he was reaching for something.
“ Stronger!”
One leg folded, and Jesse’s back hit the ground. He kept one leg up, perfectly straight and pointed as he kept lip syncing to the crowd. They went wild.
“What was that?” Aaron Z gawked. “When did he learn to do that?”
Robaire kicked his feet. “That was a dip.”
On the last beat, Jesse held his final pose, breathing heavy enough that Taeyoung could see his chest rising and falling from his seat.
“You lot are gonna put me out of business!” Cirque Désole reappeared on the stage, beaming. “I don’t think I can crown a winner!”
***
“That was bullshit,” Aaron T whined, throwing his bag onto the coffee table and draping himself on the couch, “You totally won, you devoured that.”
Jesse laughed and skirted around Aaron Z to make it into the kitchen. “If you say so.”
Everybody knew he was grinning from ear to ear.
Robaire, who hadn’t even taken his shoes off yet, twisted from where he was try to hammer some nails in to hang up his pride flag. “Don’t pretend to be humble.”
“I’m not pretending anything!”
Taeyoung let Aaron Z guide him over to the couch. “You need to sit.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you’ve been yawning since we got in the car.”
He pouted. “I’m not tired.”
“Yes you are,” Robaire chimed in.
“It’s not even late.”
“Tae.” Aaron T made grabby hands. “Lay down with me.”
He groaned, but shuffled until he was comfortably snuggled close to Aaron T. His eyes fluttered shut as he sighed into the warmth.
As he drifted away, the smell of pizza infiltrated their living room. He let himself get carried away by the excited, hushed ramblings of the other members.
He heard the whispers. He cherished them.