Chapter Text
Kinn turns over the invitation in his hands. It's pretty, he muses, as he reads the content.
The paper itself feels premium, in a deep shade of red. Written in golden ink and elegant cursive are the details for the exhibit, which claimed to be one of a kind by an artist who went by the name of Kaivalya.
Kinn had heard of him through the grapevine- a budding artist who was slowly gaining recognition in the art community, although no one had actually seen him face-to-face. Only his works were put out for the world to feast on, the man behind them an enigma.
Honestly, he had thought it was some sort of PR stunt. Now, he was having second thoughts.
He pondered not going, but Kim had seen him holding the paper in his hand and had been adamant he went.
"Go." He had this look in his eyes, as if he knew something that Kinn didn't, and it pained him, "Or else, you might regret it."
He hasn't seen Kim since then. Kinn figured he was hanging around Porchay again, as he usually did. Kim usually refrained from talking about the Kittisawats around Kinn, both him and Khun coming to an unspoken understanding that the topic was taboo around him.
It was no secret that the accident three years ago still brought him pain- although his injuries had healed soon after, his heart had not. His self-imposed exile from Porsche's life had only made him hurt more. It had taken all his control not to constantly ask Kim for updates on how Porsche was doing. While he had constant surveillance around them at all times, he had delegated the task mostly to Chan, who was instructed to report back to Khun and Kim only.
He's kept it that way for three years, and he plans to keep doing it until the end of his miserable life.
But then this invitation out of nowhere, and the fact that it was from Porchay himself... it made his heart ache even more. He remembered the last time they talked, how Chay tried to convince him that leaving wasn't right. That Porsche needed him more than ever. The conversation ended with bitter tears and screaming. Chay had vowed that if he left, he would never let him back into Porsche's life ever again.
Kinn still left, quieting the loud protests of his own heart.
For Porchay to reach out of his own volition... it must be something important.
Despite the nagging voices in his head telling him this was a bad idea, Kinn confirms his attendance.
Which brings him back to the present. The days came rather quickly, passing by in a blink and it was finally time to face the monsters in his closet.
The car pulls up to grand building whose walls were all in glass, it's ceiling high and looming. Kinn takes in it's sharp lines and angles as a bodyguard came to open the door.
The first step he takes out of the car already has him overthinking. He didn't know what to expect from this, he didn't even know why he was invited in the first place. Was Porchay planning something? Was Kim here? Would he see Porsche again?
It wasn't like him to hesitate. People knew Kinn to be ruthless and steadfast, resolute. And yet here he was, already thinking of running away from his problems- away from the arms he wanted to run to.
He takes a deep breath and tries to center himself.
Whatever happens, happens- he tells himself. He just needed to get through today, and then he'll go back to how he's been. To the world where he belongs- away from Porsche.
Every step he takes next are more sure as he walks up towards the entrance, bodyguards flanking him from all sides as people stared and murmured.
A man with a pleasant smile greets him as he steps in, asking him to present the invitation sent. The man takes one look at it and Kinn notices the way his eyes widen, before he clears his throat and schools his expression.
"Welcome, Khun Kinn." He uttersk politely bowing, before going back to tapping into the tablet in his hands and gesturing towards the entrance to the gallery, "You may proceed through here, and I hope you enjoy your visit."
With a curt nod, Kinn proceeds past him, towards a set of open double doors.
The interior is well-lit, the walls pearl white and the floors made of stained wood. On the walls hung framed photographs of varying sizes and paintings illustrated in great detail.
The moment Kinn steps in, his bodyguards disperse throughout the hall, seamlessly covering the perimeter and all points of entry. Only Big remained with him, just a few paces behind.
Kinn notices a theme in the illustrations. The first few pieces were all images of the open sky in varying colors. Some shades of blue, others a gradient of purples and pinks and oranges. It started light an colorful, but the further along that Kinn walked, the darker it got, until the colors faded to stormy grey and lightning strikes.
There were a few paintings depicting the meeting of the sun and the sea, a familiar image that stirred something in Kinn. In the middle of the room was the biggest one in the collection. It showed a wild, unruly sea on the verge of crushing a ship among the waves. Heavy cloud hung on the darkened skies as rain and lightning poured. But Kinn could see light from behind them. The more he stared, the more he began to see it wasn't merely a storm, but an agonizing battle between the sky and the sea- as if the waves were reaching for the light behind the clouds, but is denied by lightning. Kinn could almost feel the conflict and the radiating pain and anger.
From this distance, Kinn can almost see each brush stroke, getting lost with tracing each rolling wave with his eyes. He doesn't even notice Porchay approaching, only realizing with the younger man comes to a stop beside him.
They stand together in silence- Porchay seemingly content with just standing for the time being as Kinn struggled to wait for him to speak. It takes a few more minutes, for Porchay to speak, and from the corner of his eye, Kinn sees Kim milling about in the background, never straying too far from Chay.
"Thank you for coming." His words are soft, contrary to what Kinn was expecting since their last meeting had not ended well.
"It's my pleasure." Porchay has yet to look at him, and Kinn feels frozen.
"But I assume there's something more to this invitation?"
Kinn hears him sigh, "It's business as usual for you, huh?" He can hear the bitterness at the tip of his tongue.
Kinn doesn't answer.
As if expecting that, Porchay takes a step back. "How are you enjoying the exhibit so far?"
"The pieces are good." Kinn doesn't miss a beat, his words careful but sincere, "You know the artist?"
"Yes." he can hear the laughter at the edge of Chay's voice, "Very much."
"It's... interesting, for a lack of better word. There are strong emotions in this." Kinn continues, unprompted, and he notices Chay finally turn to face him, eyes narrowed as he observed.
But he doesn't say anything else, leaving Kinn to wallow in silence.
"You know, you're right." Kinn doesn't expect him to speak again, thinking that Porchay was going to walk away sooner than later.
"Pardon?"
"The reason why I invited you here."
Ah.
"I see. And what is that?"
"Why tell you when I can show you?"
Porchay doesn't say anymore as he turns to walk away. He does turn back to Kinn, as if to make sure he's following.
Kinn's feet seem to have a mind of their own, and he finds himself trailing behind.
Chay leads him towards what he had assumed to be the end of the gallery hall. Instead, there is an opening, stripped of a door, leading into a darker, smaller room.
'Beloved'
The sign hungover the open door.
From where he stood, Kinn could see more paintings hanging on the walls, but in the middle was a separate section, hidden from view with thick white walls.
Porchay urges him to step inside.
At a glance Kinn notices that all the artworks were erratic and incoherent; a stark contrast to the bold and vivid colors of the artworks outside.
The air felt heavier here, the lights dimmer.
The careful brush strokes were replaced by harsh lines and dizzying spirals.
He turns to Porchay questioningly, but he isn't even looking at Kinn. Hands clasped behind him, the younger man walks closer to the center section, where it looked brighter.
Standing beside what looked like a small opening, Porchay urges hims closer.
"You should go in first." are the words he utters as soon as Kinn approaches, stepping back to give him space to pass through. "I'll meet you inside."
That should have raised red flags, but Kinn couldn't help the curiosity that fills him.
Walking into that room was like stepping into a hall of mirrors.
Kinn feels rooted, different images of him staring back, filling every corner of his eyes.
In the middle of the room is an easle, an unfinished painting lay on it, seemingly forgotten.
Kinn can see the beginnings of a face etched on the canvas, a set of familiar eyes and a smile he could no longer recognize.
"What is this?" He had heard Chay coming, even though his steps were quiet. It was deafeningly loud amidst the thundering of his heart.
"I asked him the same thing, you know." Chay doesn't directly answer him, instead turning to one of the hung portraits that filled the walls, "He said it was strange."
Kinn waits for him to continue, but Porchay was in no hurry to explain, his back turned to him as he examine the image in front of him- this one's eyes intense, eyebrows slightly furrowed, staring unblinking back at Porchay. The likeness was uncanny to the real person.
"He couldn't remember who you were, but you were all he could paint for some time."
"It was hard to watch him like that-- confused and wanting to learn more. He asked about you a lot."
Porchay turns back to him and Kinn sees the remorse in his eyes.
"I lied to his face again and again. Selfishly so." he admits, tone bitter, "I was angry-- at you. At him. At myself. I didn't want you back in his life, because I didn't want him to keep hurting."
Kinn understood; truly, he did. But that didn't mean it hurt less to be hit with the honest truth.
"But I was wrong to do that." That, he wasn't expecting at all. But he lets Porchay continue, "It felt like I was robbing him-- taking away his precious memories like that."
He doesn't expect the tears slip down Chay's cheeks as he turned to look at him.
"Porchay..."
"What right did we both have to decide for him?"
Kinn falters at his words, watching as Chay hastily wiped his tears away with his sleeves.
"Even without his memories, his heart knew who you were."
The breath he takes in is sharp, and he could almost see the image of Porsche, working with his easy smile and furrowed brows.
"He waited for you, you know." His lips curled up in the slightest of smiles, "Even if he didn't know it... he was waiting for you everyday. He waited until he couldn't anymore."
There wasn't any confirmation needed as to who they were both referring to. Deep down, maybe Kinn knew all along, but refused to acknowledge it. If he didn't, maybe it wouldn't feel as real as it did.
"Where is he?"