Chapter Text
You finally got to rest after an exhausting day of long walks and longer fights, your feet ached, begging you pry them off the confines of your burning shoes.
Midgar was now far behind your back but although you had escaped the loud noises and the crowds of stressed people, you were still pretty dizzy.
Hurriedly your hands touched the cold surface of the handle on the door that you supposed led you to a room. Sighing audibly when your theory was proven right, you entered inside.
The wind creaked through the big window right above the bed, creating a cool ambience inside you had been craving since you stepped outside the walls.
Although the room wasn't as big as the one in your appartment, it still felt the same size after the mess you had been through. Your bag was long forgotten besides the small wooden night table, your shoes followed soon.
The sun was still up in the sky, it was eventually going to dissapear with red and orange brushstrokes, so the group agreed on resting till tomorrow morning.
And you were so grateful you guys did, having some privacy you knew you were going to seek on this ambiguous long road. But not only you loved the privacy, you loved how your mind could wander around freely.
You thought and thought, how fresh the air slid inside your nostrils, nostrils that were used to the imminent pollution that big city had enveloping it's buildings.
How bright the sky was, a huge lake of natural crystal water beyond your hairy crown. Your eyes burned whenever you looked at the sun, pupils shrinking hastily.
The ground felt different too, both in your eyes and the feeling of it against your curious fingertips. It felt hot and funny, millions of little children frenziedly running down your wrist, some of them tiredly resting on your palm.
You had forgotten about those starry and clear nights you were dying to see once again.
. . .
"Do you think we will still play together when we grow older?"
He stopped walking but he didn't look at your face like you thought he would.
"Yeah, you'll see me on the news when I become a SOLDIER"
You would always tell him that you didn't like talking about those boring guys, that instead he helped you get your doll out of the wooden plank it had fallen on.
But the visible sparkle that appeared on his iris whenever he talked about them, how he seemed to gesticulate more, be happier with you.
Maybe you didn't mind those boring guys that much.
. . .
He would take you to the mountains behind the village, walk with you like he would when he was all alone.
"Look!"
Your dress touched the hard rocks bellow your feet as you crouched down, your face lightening up as you looked at whatever was in front of you.
He tried to peek in, but when he got closer to your back you unexpectedly turned around with something between your little hands.
He had a confused face, eyebrows furrowed while his eyes looked at your big grin before looking back down.
He quickly took a step back with an audible gasp, he had a flower or some silly snail in mind, not a squirrel. Yet when he looked back at the cute baby animal, he was curiously pleased with the sight.
"It's so small and fuzzy!"
Your plump cheek rubbed the side of the little furry gentleman and he felt something inside his belly.
You looked cute like that.
He wouldn't have picked up that animal like you did, maybe because they wouldn't go near him. Something emanated from your body, an aura of kindness that kept him close to you.
You were the only kid he thought wasn't weak, someone who wouldn't judge him if he didn't make it to SOLDIER.
He would have never told you how much he missed you sometimes, the swings felt colder without your colorful skirts resting on top of them.
You brought joy into his life, he liked to play hide and seek with you although you weren't the best at hiding. You were the best at making him crack a smile sometimes.
He swore he would never let a soul like yours get hurt ever again.
. . .
The window was wide opened by your hands, eternal fields of green and vivid grass in front of you. Oh how you would love to lay there right now, you pictured a thin layer of dew wetting your clothes at night, welcoming you with a warm sunlight-bathed blanket when the biggest star came back.
You wondered about those two short memories that popped up inside your head suddenly, maybe it was because you finally smelt fresh mountain air after so long.
Your nose often reminisced you about your memories, the hot and sweet aroma of fresh baked strawberry muffins, the ones you used to bake with your father.
You missed him, you missed home.
But now you finally filled that hole once again, not with your own blood but one that appeared to be the same shade.
You were lost, but he was too. And when you saw him again in those sad streets, his uniform placed carefully on top of his skin and that distinctive sword.
You knew he hadn't changed a bit.
So you brought him back with Tifa, helping her getting him into your group. At first he was bitter with the idea, whining about how he didn't care about the Planet, he just wanted to fulfill his pockets.
But eventually he just needed to warm himself up with everyone, at the end of the day you were all he had left. You opened your backpack.
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"You sure you're fine?"
Your head perked up when you heard that distinctive kind voice, your feet stopping right when you were going to reach the end of the metal stairs.
Then you heard a huff, your mind almost immediately picturing a black gloved hand shaking in the air, silently answering her question.
You didn't know why, but your body thought the best idea was to hide behind a wall next to the stairs. You knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but you were too curious to care.
"Okay"
A sigh fell from her lips, the sound of a door creaking following right behind.
"If you want anything else, we can always get it-"
"There is one thing. My money. You guys owe me two thousand, remember? "
Greedy bastard.
Of course he had to bring his gils up, right after she kindly asked him if he was doing alright. You had to bite your lip in order to surpress a laugh.
You heard the feminine voice talking again, but it was too muffled out for you to make out the words. However, you stayed there for a little while.
You lived right next to his door now, you figured out Tifa was showing him his brand new appartment.
He was back home once again.
The voices quieted down, some footsteps could be heard to the tune of the chilly dark air. His sword still rested on his back too, you began walking towards your door.
But then you saw it, you saw Tifa enveloping him with her delicate-looking but strong arms. You freezed once again in the same spot.
Had Cloud ever enjoyed one of your hugs?
His arms akwardly stayed by his sides for a few seconds before he patted her back softly, her arms were wrapped around his chest and she had her head next to his face.
You noticed that she was whispering something into his ear, his mouth stayed tight in response. They both were so close, you took a step foward.
Tifa let go of him and he still stood stiff on his shoes, his eyes were the first ones that noticed you.
You gave him a small wave, quickly marching towards your door as you fumbled with your damn keys. He just looked at you but you were stopped by a swift hand.
"Y/n! "
You spun around, offering an akward smile before her arms were around you for a brief moment.
You had hugged her multiple times before but this one felt just different, for some reason it didn't feel as warm and sweet as they always did, managing to boost up your mood.
"Cloud's our new neighbour now"
She gave you a cheeky grin, her hand now resting on your shoulder. Your mouth opened but you closed it as fast as a butterfly flapped it's colorful wings.
"Yeah... Goodnight you two"
The last thing you saw before your hand made contact with the icy metal handle of your door was her puzzled face, you read some worry in her eyes too.
You were too tired to even think about it, all the tasks you had to do today burning inside your head, now mixed with some sort of sudden... irritation?
Maybe it was the weather, the pollution you hardly tried to scrub off with soap and water. You felt a wave of guilt dragging you down to the deepest places of the ocean, embarrasment seaweeds brushing your face.
Why did you have to run away like that?
What do they think about you now?
They were your friends, she was the one that had offered you fresh drinks and a warm shelter in the first place. It wasn't fair.
♪ I don't need reminders of how you don't feel the same ♪
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You mind was stuck by the same rope, constantly trying to pry your ankle from it's prision, scratching and clawing at it. But you only appeared to be dragged further away.
Had he got any romanticism under that thick skin of his?
Maybe he did, deep down, tightly secured by his cold demeanour. But those feelings were definitely not caused by you, you saw the way Aerith seemed to talk to him. How a little yellow flower changed his life.
And the black-haired girl was up there too, her strong but intelligent mindset made her really attractive.
You could spend hours talking about those two girl's beauty, not only from the outside because they were clearly gorgerous under any gaze. They were even prettier when you got to talk to them. Maybe he found them as pretty as you did, maybe he was attracted to one of them.
Okay, slow down.
You were supposed to wind down tonight, finally able to rest properly after a tiring day. And yet you were laying on top of the soft mattress, madly thinking about that damn blonde.
You missed him as a child, he had the cutest cheeks and the softest hair. You missed when he talked honestly with you, without any lies.
But those days had gotten off your back a while ago.
You wanted to drown those thoughts with your bare hands only for tonight, they tortured you enough when it was bright outside. But to top it off, he was sleeping right beside you.
You wanted to walk to his door and when he opened it with that frown of his, pin him into the wall and beg for him to please tell you how he felt. How he felt about you.
♪ Run to me, confess your love. . . ♪
He was cold and warm with you, he offered to help you with your chores, he had waled you home. But he also didn't speak as much as he did when he was younger, his words had turned short and sharp.
Why was he so enigmatic?
A white hall full of endless closed doors, some of them were slightly open meanwhile others had big locks on them. You would need years to open all of them.
Maybe you need a shower.
_____________________________________________
The morning sun slid through your pores, filling them up with ( not so fresh ) vitamin C. The city was peacefully quiet as it was sunday and most families spent their day inside, together. Oh how you wished you were one of them right now.
But the loud clank of two pairs of shoes kept your mind away from your peace.
♪ Me and you and akward silence ♪
You were kindly asked by Jessie to help her do some shopping for the bar, and of course he had to come with you.
Lately you'd tried to distance yourself as further as the metal buildings let you from him, you didn't want to weird yourself out like you did last time.
Maybe he thought you were acting weird?
You hurried up your steps, his own ones following you close.
No matter how hard you tried to shove inside that thick skull of his that he didn't have to help you with anything, that you were perfectly fine on your own. He didn't seem to give two shits, he was always a gentleman and he was going to keep his maners.
"Alright, this one or that one?"
It was a stupid question, he was probably going to let you choose because he didn't know much about Tifa's stuff for the bar like you did. But you didn't want to make this moment more akward.
He also seemed weirdly calm, he hadn't talked to you about what was happening inside his head or how trapped he felt inside the city but you knew that something was wrong with him.
Maybe you shouldn't have ran out like that in front of him.
"Ughh"
Tired huffs were heard inside the small store, coming from your mouth as you tried to get some soap off it's shelf. You stood on your tippy toes, your shirt riding up a bit as your hand reached high.
However, someone was tall enough to reach it, and before you scoffed at the strange person, you felt his clothed chest on your back.
His slight but intense aroma filled your nose, his spikey hair trickling your back. You had been closer to him, why did this feel so intimate?
You knew the reason why, you had always knew the reason for all your bottled up emotions, but you were too embarrassed to admit them out loud.
"Here"
Before you could enjoy the moment, it had already burned itself on your memories. He had done it again, the warmth of his touch being harshly replaced by the coldness of his voice.
You distracted yourself for the rest of the trip by buying whatever you needed and looking at whatever you didn't. You needed some sort of escape before you went nuts in front of him again.
Maybe your hormones were acting up again after completely destroying you on your teenage years. You hadn't been this lovesick since that guy you had crushed on a few years ago.
After giving Jessie what she wanted, the sun was already getting himself prepared to sleep.
You enjoyed lonely walks outside with this weather, the sun kind of brought joy into the depressing slums. You were happy, the air screamed a change of the seasons, time to bring out the warm clothes out of your drawer.
But some metal clank reminded you that he was, in fact, still beside you.
Ready to de-stress after doing some chores and keeping the city fairly safe even though he didn't really mean it. The walk home was quiet as you had suppossed it would be.
You reached the stairs without the need of hiding once again, a grown out chocobo following behind you. The first time your eyes fell upon that horizon of blonde mess you thought they looked like those big and super cute birds.
As a kid you only got to see them in pictures, some of them too blurred out to make out their big blue eyes. However, they were way cooler in person.
You remember the time you first bumped into one in Midgar, his owner let you pet him and you could've died in that field of softness. You and Tifa both agreed that Cloud was just like them, but he wasn't as funny and joyful obviously.
He reached his long awaited door, your own one was on on his right. He opened the door and your mouth was still sealed shut, his eyes found yours once again, waiting for you to wave him goodbye or something.
"See you tomorrow then"
He wouldn't have nodded unless his eyes weren't looking at your lips, your tone matching the silent breeze of the afternoon air.
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The cold water trickling down your skin calmed your body and certainly your mind, you missed this sort of loneliness. Having the time to properly wash your body, your hair.
Your back hit the mattress once again, but as soon as you did, the same scorching warmth invaded your thoughts again. Something bothered you, and you knew what you had to do to ease that itch.
But you were too shy to do it, not now you thought. But when?
Sepphiroth was out there, Shinra had polluted almost every corner left on this Planet. You had to do it.
. . .
"Fuck"
Your quivering hands fixed your clothes, your knuckles ready to bang the do-
"Hey"
You stood there like a rock, the door was wide open in front of you and a fresh out of the shower Cloud welcomed you. You hadn't expected him to be the one who opened the door before you.
His shoulder was empty and his leather belt wasn't there too, he looked calmer like that. You liked that view, a more "informal" sight.
But the best part was his hair, it still had droplets of water travelling through a rainforest of blonde locks, desesperately trying to find a way out. His brows were a bit ruffled up too, and you had to contain your urges to brush your fingers over them.
"H-Hey"
His eyes looked at you up and down, you read confusion writen all over them once again. He probably didn't expect you to be there either.
"I just. I just wanted to talk"
You finally breathed out, your heart felt like it was about to explode inside your chest. Why didn't you feel like this when you were fighting the Turks?
"Come in"
God, why did you have to follow the voices in your head.
The room was identical to yours, but his bed was on the left side of the room. Your own one was on the right, he was going to sleep next to you.
What?
No he wasn't, there was a wall dividing both of your little worlds. You were going crazy at this point.
♪ Unrequited, terrifying ♪
He sat on the bed, next to a soggy white towel you figured out he had used for his hair. His knees were slightly appart from eachother, his bare hands resting on top of them.
It was the first time since he began living next to you that you had seen him without those gloves. And you certainly didn't know how they weren't already worn out.
They were pretty and surprisingly glowy, maybe it was the water that smoothed his fingers out, maybe his gloves kept his hands soft. You wanted to feel them, on your skin, on your face as he brushed away a strand of your hair.
Now you knew why those strange massage ladies talked wonders about him, he had the most gorgerous hands you had ever seen. A shame he wasted it's potential by soaking them up with blood.
How long had you been staring at them already?
"Okay..."
A sigh slipped through your lips, the nautical twilight soon about to turn into an astronomical one, flooding your senses.
"Don't wanna sound weird"
An akward laugh filled his brain, he watched you from his seated position your crossed-arms standing one. He was hoping you would sit with him.
"It's just that-"
♪ Love is driving me a bit insane ♪
You bit your lip, taking your pupils off him before you mentally facepalmed.
"Forget it, you're probably tired"
You turned on your heels, your mind already reminding you about how embarrassing this was, how you shouldn't have gotten off your bed in the first place.
Yet his hand grabbed your wrist.
It was indeed as soft as you had imagined.
Silence fell over the room, your face searched his under the clear fog of the night. Your feet slowly shifted into it's initial position, the warmth still lingering on your right.
He didn't need to talk for you to know exactly what he wanted you to do, so you let yourself fall next to him on the mattress.
Your cheeks were burning at this point and you didn't dare looking at his eyes, little did you know he had learnt to surpress those same feelings better than you.
His fingers unlaced the soft bracelet from your wrist, laying down close to your pinky. You looked so cute blushing.
The next movement stunned both of you, your swift arms enveloping his neck and your rapid heart beating wildly on his chest. His hands stayed beside him for a few seconds, not knowing where to put them. But like everything in life, they eventually found their place on your waist.
♪ Have to get this off my chest ♪
"I love you"
You hugged him tighter, trying to ease the anxiousness that was starting to consume your guts. You shouldn't have said that out loud, god, you had really fucked up your relationship with your only source of comfort in this nasty world.
He brought you closer to him, you thought he would pull you away.
You both stayed like that for a while, a while you wished the moon would grant you an eternity like this with him.
♪ Confess I loved you ♪
"I do too"
That simple mumbled out words were like a burst of arrows shot directly to your chest, maybe this were your last minutes alive before your heart exploded.
♪ Just thinking of you ♪
"I thought you and, you and Aerith. . .?"
He shifted on the bed but his arms were still around you, securing you into his lean form.
"We're not like that"
You felt as if you were running between flowers, the air striking your face as you laughed and cried happy tears.
You were finally in peace.
You had loved him since you two were little kids, quietly waiting for him to go out and play with you, always having a sudden burst of energy whenever you saw him on the village.
It was finally happening.
You didn't want a kiss tonight, maybe he wasn't ready for that.
You just wanted to be held like this, his strong arms keeping you away from anything that could've harmed you. You wanted him closer, you needed his touch.
And so did he.
♪ I know I've loved you from the start ♪