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All
It was a nice warm autumn day, though a bit busy, and since it was already nearing 5pm and they still hadn’t eaten, none of them felt up to cooking, so Nick suggested just going out to eat. The others agreed, with Chris adding they could also go catch a movie afterwards. All of them were immediately feeling better, filled with renewed energy at their newly made plans.
They were eating at the restaurant, goofing around and having fun, when Chris accidentally spilled his drink all over Matt’s shirt.
“Chris you idiot, see what happens when you act like a god damned monkey”, Nick groaned, rolling his eyes.
»Oh for fucks sake watch yourself you fucking goof«, Matt ranted angrily, looking at his shirt and trying and failing to dry it with their napkins.
»Ooops, sorry«, Chris said, alternating between cringing and laughing.
»It's gonna stain now, I'm not going to the movies like that, ugh«, Matt complained further, giving up on trying to save his shirt.
»It's fine, it's just a shirt and it'll be dark inside anyway, no one will care kid, making a big deal out of nothing«, Chris said, which only made Matt angrier.
»For your dirty ass yeah, I'm not going out like that cuz' you can't sit still for more than two seconds.«
By this point they were getting too loud and Nick's had enough of their arguing, »Look Matt, we're not going home because of this, there's a mall across the street, so just run over and buy a new shirt«, he offered a solution.
»Lets all go, I wanna get something too, we're almost done here anyway«, Chris added happily.
»No«, »No the fuck not«, Matt and Nick shot him down immediately, »If you go we can kiss the movies goodbye, Matt can just go really fast while we finish here and we'll meet by the car in fifteen minutes. Sound good?«, Nick asked, looking at Matt for confirmation.
»Agreed«, Matt said, already getting up and grabbing his things, »I'll grab something from the nearest store inside, so you better be ready to go when I'm done, I don't wanna wait for you cuz' you can't stop being an idiot«, looking at Chris with an annoyed expression at the last part.
»Geez kid, just leave already and tone down the mattitude while you're at it«, Chris responded dismissively, waving him off.
Matt
Matt just sighed, rolled his eyes and left. Luckily the mall was really close, just across the street from the diner they were in, so it didn’t take him more than a couple of minutes to get there and find a clothing store. He saw the store he usually shopped in a little further down, still on the ground floor, so he decided to go there and buy something he’d actually enjoy wearing.
Still, he knew he couldn’t just take his time looking around, so he quickly chose the first shirt that looked nice, took out one in his size and went up to pay for it. He explained to the store clerk what happened, gesturing to his dirty shirt, and asked if it was alright if he used the changing rooms to change into the one he just bought. The worker agreed, of course, but just as Matt was about to leave the desk and go ahead to one of the free stalls to change, he heard the sound that would mark the start of his greatest nightmare; loud explosive banging noises he instantly recognised as gunshots started echoing in the halls outside the store he was in. If Matt thought that this was the worse sound he’d ever hear, he was quickly proved wrong when panic and pain filled screams joined in only a short moment later.
Matt was panicking now, his mind finally catching up, realisation that this is actually happening finally setting in. He could see the store-employee reach the same conclusion, her face filled with absolute horror and fear. The next few seconds were utter chaos; Matt heard someone in the store scream, “Get down now!”, but before he or anyone else had a chance to really react, a masked gunman rounded the corner and turned to aim what Matt could only describe as a massive fucking gun to the store they were in.
Matt didn’t have a chance to panic or freak out, he didn’t even have time to form a thought, because the next thing he knew, a rain of bullets was flying all around him.
He instinctively pulled up his arms to shield his head and threw himself onto the floor. Matt laid there on his side on the ground, knees drawn up to his chest, arms around his head, trying to make himself as small as possible. The sound of the machine gun going off was even more deafening up close, he could hear glass around the store breaking into a thousand pieces and all the screaming was piercing his ears. Fuck, ohmygod I’m gonna die here, this can’t be real, he thought. Then some pressure by his foot made him look up and he slowly took in what was happening before him, without yet consciously registering or processing what he was seeing. Apparently the man standing in line behind him wasn’t as quick to get down as he was, maybe he tried running away or maybe he just stood there frozen, he would never know, but regardless of his actions, that man had been shot several times and Matt watched in slow-motion as he fell forward and onto him. The sheer force of the impact made Matt let out an involuntary scream and his head was slammed down to the ground into a heap of shattered glass.
The pain and dread overwhelmed him and for a few seconds all he could see was white. He could feel the glass digging into his skin on his forehead, blood already dripping down the side of his face and into his left eye, forcing it closed. In the back of his mind, he remembered learning that head wounds tend to bleed a lot. Great. He could also feel his whole upper body growing moist, completely soaked with the now dead guy’s blood.
Matt looked up with his one ‘good’ eye and instantly knew that he’d be seeing that man’s hollow, empty eyes staring into his soul every time he closed his eyes for a long, long time. Or however long I’ll still live for, he though bitterly in the back of his mind. This was too much now. It was all just too much.
Matt could already feel himself starting to dissociate from the sheer and overwhelming terror. He faintly realised the sound became sort of muted, like he was underwater. He didn’t notice the shooter leave their store and move on to the next one, he didn’t react to the new round of gunshots and screaming. He just laid there, staring at the dead guy, head empty.
It was the constant vibrating in his pocket that brought the first traces of awareness back to him, which was enough to make him register the pain on his forehead, which then triggered his other senses, making him feel the now cool blood all over him, the pain in his chest, ribs and back from the impact of the guys falling on him.
Matt came back to himself with a jutting force, as if struck. The first thing he did was to push the dead body off of him, breathing heavily as he did so. He was still on the ground of the store, broken glass, and dead fucking people all around him. And blood… there was so much blood. He was going to be sick.
By this time, someone had managed to sound the alarm, so bright red lights were flashing in short intervals, accompanied by loud blaring, adding yet another panic-inducing sound to the painful mix of overwhelming noise.
Matt was shaking, it was hard to move but he closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath, wanting to calm down. That turned out to be a mistake, since he took in the intense smell of metal, of blood, and promptly threw up on the ground beside him.
He couldn’t stay here, but was still sound enough to know he couldn’t simply leave the store. The shooter may have moved on but this nightmare wasn’t over yet. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know anything; how many shooters there were, where were they now, what they were after…
Matt decided to crawl over to the changing rooms, staying as low and as quiet as possible. It wasn’t ideal, but at least here there were no bodies or blood, aside from the one drenching his clothes.
He didn’t know what he was supposed to do in this situation, the shots and screaming told him that they were still close-by, on the ground floor of the mall for sure, and he was stuck in this small changing room stall, with only a thin curtain separating him from the chaos and real danger.
Matt remained down on the floor, covering in the corner of the stall. He couldn’t do anything, not really, there was only one exit to the store and he’d have to pass the shooters once he left it anyway, so that was out of the question. He could only sit and hope the attacker(s?) wouldn’t return to check the changing rooms for any survivors.
Matt sat there on the ground, hands covering his ears, trying to block out at least some of the noise. He was doing his best to follow the breathing techniques he got to know so well in order to remain calm, but it was getting progressively harder, as he felt his chest burning and constricting in panic. It was becoming almost impossible to breathe and he was trying so hard not to puke again, but was unable to stop the tears running freely down his face. For a little while it felt like he was drifting, having a full out-of-body experience, like his mind was trying to protect itself from not being able to deal with the situation he was in.
The chaos outside was still going strong, the shooting, screaming, crying, people running and falling, glass breaking, the alarm going on and off…
His vision started getting blurry, he needed something else to focus on, something to draw his attention away from what he just went through. He looked around to see what he had in the stall with him and just now remembered he had his phone. As if a switch was flipped, Matt suddenly felt in control of his body again, feeling the vibrations from his phone in his pocket.
He slowly managed to pull it out with shaky hands and saw his phone lit up with an incoming call from Chris. The call has probably been going on for a while already, since before he managed to answer, the ringing stopped and Matt could see it showing up as a missed call. And it wasn’t the only one, it seems word of what was going on has gotten out, since Matt had a couple dozen missed calls and unopened texts from both Chris and Nick in the last few minutes. That’s good, Matt thought distantly, that means rescue should be coming soon. Before he had the chance to call them back, his phone was already displaying a new incoming call from Chris.
Matt took a deep breath to steady himself, but his voice still came out small and shaky when he answered, “Chris?… Nick?”
Nick and Chris
After Matt left to go buy a new shirt, the two of them continued eating their meal (there wasn’t much left anyway) and made idle conversation to pass the time. After about ten minutes, they decided Matt had had enough time to find something and should be heading back any minute now, so they texted him and called a waiter over and paid their bill, then slowly got up and left the diner, making their way across the parking lot.
They’ve been waiting by their car, looking between their phones and the mall across the street for around five minutes and when there was still no text-back from Matt or sign of him exiting the mall, Chris started growing impatient, “Ugh, what is that kid even doing, I mean how long does it take to buy a shirt”.
“I’ll call him, if he doesn’t have it at this point I’ll seriously-…”, Nick started saying but stopped in the middle of his sentence when he noticed Chris’s expression shifting from annoyed to absolutely terrified, eyes wide opened and face draining of colour.
“Chris?”, Nick asked concerned, placing a hand on his shoulder and then followed Chris’s line of sight when he didn’t answer. Nick’s expression quickly mimicked Chris’s when he saw just what made Chris freeze; there were people running from the mall across the street, some of them covered in blood, all of them screaming. When the mall’s doors opened for a few seconds while the few people made it out, more screaming could be heard, along with the unmistakable sound of- “Are those gunshots?!”, Chris screamed, suddenly nauseous. “No, please no, oh fuck, it couldn’t be…”, Nick started panicking, shaking his head, but their fears were confirmed when the unbearably loud alarm started blaring from the mall.
His first instinct was to run inside, desperate to get to Matt and make sure he’s alright, but Nick knew doing that wouldn’t help anyone and someone had to make sure Chris didn’t do anything stupid, like running inside himself.
They were shocked into silence, unmoving, when a few people who made it out ran pass them and one of them stopped to address them, “What are you kids doing standing around for, it’s dangerous, get the hell away from here!”, the man shouted at them angrily, still scared out of his mind himself.
“What’s going on inside?!”, Chris managed to ask, not making any attempts to move, too scared and confused to react properly.
“There’s a shooting, some dudes in masks pulled out their machine guns and started firing blindly at the crowd. A few of us closer to the exits managed to get out but we aren’t safe here so we have to move”, the guys yelled, already preparing to run again while gesturing for Nick and Chris to follow him. He didn’t spare them another glance to see if they were following or not before continuing to run away to safety.
Chris turned to look at Nick, “Matt is in there, we have to do something”, he choked out, now fully crying.
Nick stood there, shaking, unable to tear his gaze away from the mall, from where the muted sounds of gunfire, screaming and the alarm could still be heard.
“Call Matt, call him right now”, Nick screamed at Chris, taking out his own phone as well to try texting him.
“He’s not answering Nick”, Chris yelled panicked.
“Then keep calling him!”, he yelled back, neither of them willing to consider the possibility that he couldn’t.
They didn’t bother calling the police, since they saw people around them do it minutes ago, plus they could already hear the sound of sirens growing closer, so they just continued calling and texting Matt, willing him to answer.
“Come on Matt pick up, please pick up”, Chris cried to himself as the call went to voicemail and he hit call again for the umpteenth time, “fuuuck, Nick, he’s only in there because of me, if I just stayed still for once we’d already be on our way away from here. If Matt gets hurt I- … aaarrgh”, he let out a frustrated groan, unable and unwilling to accept that last thought.
“Hey, no, none of that. He’s okay, he’s got to be, he’ll be fi-…”, Nick choked on the last word, tears running down his cheeks as he suddenly started sobbing. This isn’t real, this isn’t happening, he thought. He looked at Chris, who was in a similar state as him, and knew in that moments that they were both thinking the same thing; based on how long Matt’s been there, it was more than likely that he was at least leaving the store, if not already close to the exits, either way he was almost certainly on the ground floor when the shooting started. And seeing as he wasn’t amongst the few people who managed to run out…
Chris was overcome with a sudden wave of dizziness and dropped to his knees without warning, Nick catching him before he could hit the floor with his upper body.
“Woah Chris, shit, come on, stay with me sweetheart”, Nick started shaking him lightly, panicking even further but trying to sound calm.
Chris shook his head, running one hand over his face and holding onto Nick with the other.
“Sorry, I’m okay… no, never mind, I’m gonna be sick”, Chris said and promptly turned away from Nick to puke out his lunch all over the empty parking space by their car.
“Shhh let it out, I got you”, Nick comforted his brother, rubbing his back with his hand.
When he was done, Chris looked up to Nick through his tears, sounding completely desperate as he asked, “What are we going to do Nick?” He didn’t say it, but Nick heard everything he meant anyway; What if Matt dies, what if he’s dead already, how will they live in a world without him, what should they be doing right now, what even can they do?
During their break down, the police and armed agents have already arrived and started taking their positions. The ambulances were parked and ready to respond just a block away, waiting for the all-clear.
Nick took a deep breath, looked back at his brother and tightened his hold on him before answering, “We’ll wait right here, we’ll keep calling him until he either answers or comes out of that damned mall. Then we’ll hug him and never let him out of our sights again. We can cry now, but we’ll have to remain strong when we get him back, because he’ll definitely be traumatised and will need our support. So let’s pick up our phones and start calling him again, okay?”, he finished, wiping his tears and nose in his sleeve.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right, god, I just need him to be here already, fuck”, Chris groaned, wiping his own face aggressively.
“I know, me too, and he will be”, Nick sniffled, and took his phone out again to continue texting Matt. Chris followed his lead, calling Matt on speaker over and over, desperately wishing for him to answer, answer us Matt, call or text, just give us something kid, please.
Then, as if hearing his thoughts, Matt answered his call. Nick and Chris were momentarily shocked, eyes widening and hearts beating wildly, and before either of them managed to get a word out, they heard Matt let out a quiet “Chris?… Nick?”, sounding sadder and more desperate than they’ve ever heard him. It was enough to make their chests ache. Still, it was something, or actually, in this moment it was everything, the best sound they’ve ever heard. Matt was alive, he wasn’t out of danger yet, but it was a start.
All
“We’re here sweetheart, can you tell us what’s going on?”, Nick immediately entered his mothering-mode, speaking calmly and gently, despite feeling like he couldn’t breathe.
“Matt, Matty, are you okay? Please tell us you’re somewhere safe kid, come on”, Chris started crying again, clutching his phone like a lifeline.
“I- I’m really scared guys”, the fear in his voice made Nick tear up again and Chris had to close his eyes to steady himself, “everyone’s dead, oh god, I’m hiding in the changing rooms, but everyone around me is dead and the shooter’s still out there and I don’t know what to do”, Matt’s voice was shaking, he was whispering, trying to remain as quiet as he could, but they could tell he’s been crying.
“Matt honey, listen, the police and soldiers are already here, they’re preparing to enter the mall now, they’ll get there and stop the attackers any minute now, you just have to hold on for a few more minutes sweety”, Nick did his best to sound comforting, knowing they’d be fucked if Matt entered another panic attack at this point.
“We’re right outside kid, we’re just here across the street and we’ll be on you the second they clear get the motherfuckers okay? We’ll be right here waiting for you to come home to us, so please be brave for a little while longer”, Chris had to hold on to Nick for support, this was the hardest conversation he ever had to go through.
“Yeah, yeah alright. I can do that”, Matt sniffled, “stay with me on the phone?”, he asked hopefully, knowing his brothers were the source of his strength.
“Of course we’ll stay with you honey”, Nick said fondly.
“Oh Matty, you couldn’t get us to hang up now if you tried”, Chris chuckled.
They could hear Matt shifting, “Thanks guys, I love you”.
Nick and Chris looked at each other with tears in their eyes, “We love you too Matt, so much”, “We’re so glad you’re alright kid, you don’t even know”.
That made Matt smile for the first time since this nightmare started. He released a sigh he didn’t know he was holding and asked, “I know. Can you tell me something to distract me?”
Now all of them had small, sad smiles, and continued to talk quietly for the next hour or so, until the special unit cleared the mall and started searching for survivors, escorting uninjured people outside and allowing the medics to go inside as well.
They were forced to hang up when they found Matt, checking him over once they saw him covered head to toe in blood, but he quickly assured them most of the blood wasn’t his and his only wound was the one on his forehead. One guard then escorted him outside, directing him towards the nearest free medic to get his head wound looked at. The cuts were pretty deep and might need stiches, so it wasn’t something to dismiss completely.
Matt only remembered he didn’t mention his unfortunate state over the phone when he heard two agonised screams of his name coming from further down the street. Fuck, I forgot, he mentally smacked himself, knowing how scary he must look like, a bleeding wound on his head, blood covering half his face, having one eye glued shut by said blood, and worst of all, blood covering his entire torso and half his pants. To someone who didn’t know most of that blood wasn’t his, he’d probably look on the verge of death.
Nick and Chris both felt their hears stop when they first saw Matt leaving the mall. They were happy and excited to finally get him out of there, but then he came out accompanied by a heavily armed guard, almost entirely covered in blood. Their breaths hitched and they suddenly understood why people said that their hearts dropped to their stomachs.
This can’t be happening, he was fine, they were just about to get him back, what went wrong, they can’t lose him now, they can’t.
They recovered from their frozen state quickly enough and started screaming, running towards Matt like he’d disappear if they didn’t get there immediately. They pushed through the barricades and rows of medics, dashing straight towards where one of the medics prepared to look over their brother.
Nick and Chris saw Matt’s one open eye widen, face becoming shocked and guilty? for a second, before relaxing and practically sagging in relief.
The medic saw that a family reunion was about to happen, and since Matt’s life wasn’t in any danger, she opted to wait for them to finish and tend to other patients in the mean time.
“Guys, before you freak out, I’m fine, this is not my blood, well, most of it isn’t”, Matt quickly said when they were close enough, holding his hands up in mock surrender.
They came to a sudden stop right in front of him, arms outstretched but hesitating, not knowing where they could touch him without hurting him.
“W-what do you mean, whose blood is it?”, Nick stammered out.
“Matt, fuck, you didn’t say you were hurt, were you shot?”, Chris asked, panicking again.
“I wasn’t shot, the guys standing behind me was, he fell on me and I hit my head on the broken glass, only this wound is mine”, Matt explained pointing to the cuts on his forehead, “I was trapped under the guy for a little while, so I got soaked in his blood. I really am okay… physically”, he said, adding the ‘physically’ as an afterthought.
“Fuck, Matty, there’s a lot to unpack here, but right now, can we…”, Nick asked hesitantly, wanting to hug Matt but needing to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally hurt him.
“I mean, I’m all bloody, you don’t have t-“, Matt was cut off as Chris slammed into him, pulling him in the tightest and most desperate hug they’ve ever shared. Nick joined in not a moment later, hugging him from the side, then switching with Chris after a minute, wanting to properly hug Matt as well.
"I- I was so scared guys, I really thought it was over", Matt cried, letting go of all the stress from the last few hours.
"I know Matt, I know. We we're scared too, I don't even wanna imagine what we'd do if something happened to you, you're too important to me, I love you so much bro", Chris cried with him,
"I'm so sorry you had to go through this Matt, and I'm sorry I didn't come with you, I should've been there to protect you", Nick sobbed, not being able to handle the thought of Matt scared and alone while an active shooter was running around.
"No, Nick, I'm glad you weren't", Matt said with love and conviction, pulling back a bit to look at them both, "knowing you were safe was the only thing that kept me from completely breaking down. I don't wanna think about how differently today would've ended if all of us went inside. Your well-being will always be my priority and no matter how much being there alone sucked, I'd never wish for you to be in that danger with me. Knowing you were out there waiting for me gave me strength".
"Matt, you... fuuck I love you so much", Nick cried even harder, tightening their hug, heart swelling from all the love he felt at that moment.
They then shifted, so all three of them were hugging, holding onto each other and crying just a little bit. They didn’t care that all of them were now covered in blood and their clothes were ruined. They didn’t care that they would have deep mental issues to work through in the next months, Matt especially. They would have to talk about everything Matt went through, the mental wounds it left him with, they would have to address Chris's guilt about making the situation where Matt needed to go to the mall in the first place and Nicks anger at himself for making Matt go alone instead of going with him. But for now, this was enough.
They were just glad they were all alive, safe and together again. This horrible experience made them realise they shouldn’t get ahead of themselves and to appreciate each day more. They were so unbelievably lucky to have each other and no matter how difficult getting over their nightmares and Matt’s possible ptsd or survivors guilt may prove to be, Nick and Chris couldn’t feel anything other than overwhelming relief and gratefulness for the fact that they still have their brother alive to take care of.
They got incredibly lucky and they knew it, no matter what the future will bring, supporting and taking care of each other will never be something they’ll complain about.