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Day 1
Nick
When Nick woke up that day, the first thing he noticed was the morning sun hitting his face, causing him to squint his eyes, groan and turn around. After a few minutes of just slowly waking up and waiting for his mind to fully ‘turn on’, he grabbed his phone from his bedside table and started scrolling through his apps and going through his notifications. He also checked his calendar to see if they had anything going on that day and quickly remembered it was already Monday, September 4th, and they had their bi-weekly meeting with their manager in the afternoon.
Aside from that they had nothing planned, so Nick let out a content sigh, glad he had most of the day free to just chill. He’s been feeling very overwhelmed lately, since his brain decided to start self-sabotaging again and bring all his old insecurities back into focus.
It started a few months ago and has only grown worse since; at first he dressed and re-dressed himself like three times before settling for an outfit because he didn’t like how he looked in anything, he also stopped eating on camera and refused to look at pictures of all three of them together, since he couldn’t stop comparing his appearance to his brothers’. Now he couldn’t even look at himself in the mirror and he hadn’t posted any photos of himself in weeks. Matt commented on this once but Nick quickly brushed him off, saying he wanted to focus on different aspects of photography for now.
With time, the weight of these insecurities started dragging him down, he felt less social and was tired more often, so he unconsciously started spending more time by himself, which resulted in Matt and Chris spending more time alone with each other, which in turn made Nick feel even more shitty about himself.
Though he was known to complain a lot, it was all mostly superficial shit. And although he couldn’t stop an occasional self-deprecating comment or a suicidal joke from slipping out, Nick kept the actual extent of his issues to himself. So there he was now, feeling more and more sad, lonely and vulnerable with every passing day, each task, activity or plan becoming more difficult and exhausting.
He eventually managed to force himself to get up and go through his morning routine, before going to the kitchen to fix himself a small breakfast.
All
When Nick got down, Chris was already there, eating cereal while watching TikTok.
“Mornin’”, Nick said, receiving only a quiet murmur in response. He sighed and opened the fridge to inspect what they had in stock, but was distracted by Matt coming down the stair and entering the kitchen behind him.
“Oh wow, didn’t expect to see you up this early, couldn’t sleep?”, he asked, knowing it was a very rare occurrence for Matt to get up before noon when it wasn’t necessary.
Matt let out a big yawn, stretching his arms above his head. “Yeah, I woke up like two hours ago and couldn’t fall back asleep, I don’t know what’s up with today”.
“Nothing’s up kid, it’s a normal day, you just sleep weird”, Chris teased from his spot at the table.
“I don’t sleep weird you ass, stop saying that”, Matt groaned.
Nick just let out a small laugh and continued preparing his breakfast. A normal day indeed, he smiled to himself.
The day passed as one would expect, Matt and Chris busied themselves with preparing topics for discussion for their meeting in the afternoon while Nick retreated to his room and edited their upcoming video for a few hours. He closed the blinds on his window because the sun was reflecting on his computer screen and he couldn’t see properly otherwise. At around 2pm, Matt called him down to eat, he was the one cooking that day and Nick wasn’t surprised to see it was pasta.
As soon as they finished they were off to their meeting, which went well enough, they covered a lot of topics and made progress with their plans.
They stopped to get take out on their way back and got home a little after 8pm, so it was still quite early. Nick suggested a movie night, thinking it would be a nice, low-energy activity they could do together, so they argued over what to watch and ended up resolving their issue with a game of rock, paper, scissors. Matt won, so they watched some Liam Neeson movie that Nick didn’t even remember the name of.
After the movie, they were all still wide awake, Chris particularly had a lot of energy left, meaning he needed to move and do something. He ended up suggesting, then insisting and finally annoying Nick and Matt into agreeing to go out again to film a car video ahead of schedule. And that’s how they ended up driving around a bit, listening to music while searching for a new parking lot to film in.
Filming went as always, though Nick really had to tap into his energy reserves to bring out his usual level of humour and intensity. His recent bad mood and self-worth issues also meant he was just a tad meaner than normal, snapping at the others quicker and defending himself after even the slightest comment aimed his way. Matt and Chris noticed, but sensed this might be a more serious issue, so they wordlessly decided to wait until after they finish filming to bring it up in private. It was already past 11:45pm and they were all tired, but this felt like it couldn’t wait.
As usual, Chris was not one to beat around the bush, “Hey Nick, is something bothering you?” They had just turned off their camera and continued sitting in the car for a while more.
“Umm no? Why would you even ask that?”, Nick’s voice immediately took a defensive tone.
Chris and Matt exchanged meaningful glances and Matt continued gently. “Well you’re not spending as much time with us for one, and we’ve noticed you’ve been a bit off recently.”
“Off? I’ve been acting ‘off’?”, Nick mocked sarcastically, “Well Matthew, sorry if I’m not acting up to your standards, please tell me how I can do better for you in the future so I can be at least half as perfect as you are”, his tone growing louder and progressing into something more passive-aggressive by the end.
Matt and Chris were completely shocked, they’ve never heard Nick speak like that before, not even to strangers, much less to his family.
To be fair, Nick sort of surprised himself as well, but it seemed he was finally reaching his limit. The months of feeling like there was something wrong with him, like he wasn’t good enough… day after day of seeing himself as just his worse qualities and shortcomings… the loneliness, sadness, worry and the godawful emptiness growing inside him were bubbling just below the surface, threatening to explode out as blind anger.
“Nick…”, Chris started uncharacteristically gently, “come on you don’t mean that, please tell us what’s wrong, we love you and wanna be here for you, please let us in”, he pleaded, holding eye contact as he did so.
“Oh so you love me now do you?”, Nick didn’t even know what he was saying at this point, he just felt cornered and scared, so he started lashing out, “Now you wanna be here for me? Pretty amazing how you can start playing loving brothers when it’s convenient for you huh, want me to start filming again so the fans can love you even more? I promise I can still yell for a while, so you can all continue laughing at me together”, he was fully yelling now, and not in the normal way, this was different, Matt and Chris could hear the true unfiltered anger in his voice.
“What the fuck dude, calm down and don’t fucking speak to us this way. We didn’t do anything to deserve this, ‘playing loving brothers’ what the fuck are you talking about? And since when do you have a problem with any of us laughing? It’s not like we’re laughing at you, but with you. Come on Nick you know this”, Chris recovered from his shock and quickly matched Nick’s intensity, not liking what Nick was implying.
“Just stop please, let’s all breathe for a moment and start again”, Matt tried to stop this from escalating further, “Nick, you’re obviously struggling, I know you don’t mean what you’ve said, I can see that you’re hurting and are trying to push us away, but we won’t let you”, he said while shooting a quick warning glance at Chris, “So I want to ask you again to please rely on us and let us help you”.
“You know what”, Nick has reached a new level of anger, “I’m sick of you both acting like you’re better than me. You think you know what’s best don’t you, you’re here preaching about love and support and understanding, but you chose to ignore me and my issues for months now! You can pretend all you want but I’m not listening to your bullshit excuses, I don’t need to sit here and take this!”, he yelled and threw the door open, jumped out of the car and slammed the door close.
Nick took off running in a random direction, not knowing where they even were or where he was going, he just needed to get out of here. His mind was screaming at him and he couldn’t think straight, his chest felt tight with anger, his stomach was hurting and his vision started blurring. He didn’t hear Matt and Chris call for him when he first left the car, nor them coming after him. He didn’t fully register that he was crossing the street, and he most definitely didn’t notice the car across the intersection ignore the red light and continue speeding towards him. Nick didn’t hear his brothers’ desperate screams behind him or the screeching of the car’s tires on the ground. What he did notice though, was the explosion of hot burning pain all over his body a second later, when the car hit him and he was thrown against the windshield, briefly making eye contact with the girl driving, before being thrown forward once again as the car finally came to a halt.
Nick’s head hit the ground and he laid there motionlessly, staring up at the sky. His consciousness stuck around just long enough for him to see Matt and Chris hoovering above him, crying hysterically and screaming something he couldn’t quite hear, then the next moment he was gone.
Day 2
Nick
Nick woke up due to the sun hitting his face and groaned and turned around to get at least a few more minutes of sleep. His mind was already running though, and the next second he was wide awake, as memories from the previous day flooded his mind. Holy shit, what the fuck?? Why was he here, what happened? He clearly remembered storming off and getting hit by a car, he didn’t expect to wake up at all, much less completely healthy back at home.
He was utterly confused, looking around his room as if it would provide an answer. Nick grabbed his phone, intending to check for any messages that would explain his situation or even call Matt or Chris, but he hadn’t even opened his lock screen when he already choked on his breath, doing a double take and rubbing his eyes, thinking he must be seeing it wrong. But no, the date remained unchanged, the ‘Monday, 4 September’ on his display as obvious as ever. This can’t be right, even if I got the date wrong, yesterday was Monday for sure, we wouldn’t have a meeting on a Sunday. My phone must be glitching or something. Which would be a viable explanation, if not for his unopened notifications, which looked awfully familiar as well, not to mention his miraculous lack of injuries.
He quickly got up and went downstairs, wanting to talk to someone before jumping to any conclusions (like that he was going crazy) and freaking out.
When he got to the kitchen where Chris, wearing the same clothes as yesterday, was eating cereal and scrolling through TikTok, Nick had to sit down at the table and close his eye for a second to try and calm down and not have a panic attack. Chris offered a small murmur in greeting without looking up from his phone, completely calm and casual, with no indication of their fight or Nick literally getting hit by a car. Before Nick dared to say anything, Matt joined them in the kitchen and yawned while stretching his arms above his head.
“What the fuck is going on”, Nick asked, voice shaking. He knew he didn’t just dream the whole of yesterday, it was too real. And even if he did, it didn’t explain why everything was playing out the same.
Matt side-eyed him, a bit annoyed, “Uhm… It’s not that weird I got up early one time, I just couldn’t sleep. Good morning to you too, by the way”, he added sarcastically, then went to prepare himself some breakfast.
“I can’t handle this”, Nick said and ran to his room, locking the door behind him. He forced himself to take deep, steady breaths but it wasn’t helping, he couldn’t explain what was happening and his thoughts were spinning out of control. It took a while, but he eventually managed to calm down somewhat. He sat there on the floor, back against the door, staring at a spot on his wall and tried to clear his head.
A lot of time has passed and Nick decided to just fuck it, it had to have been just a dream or some freak accident or something. He wouldn’t think about it, he’ll pretend it never happened and go about his day as planned. And since he liked not living locked up at a mental institution, he wouldn’t mention anything to anyone. It’ll be fine, the day will pass and everything will go back to normal tomorrow.
The rest of the day went as Nick’s imaginary/dream one. Matt made pasta for lunch, they went to their meeting, came home and watched a movie, then went out to record a car video. Throughout the whole day, Nick had a sick sense of déjà vu, but remained firm in ignoring the problem until it goes away.
He was a bit more hesitant about going out to film though, since despite this ‘dream’ only being a fluke, Nick couldn’t risk getting in another heated argument with his brothers, not to mention getting hit by a literal car. He pushed through though, forcefully ignoring his anxiety. But the added stress didn’t help his mood or mental state any, so despite Nick trying to postpone that conversation and remain calm, Matt and Chris’s persistence eventually wore him down until he couldn’t handle it anymore and he started yelling again. The fight got out of hand again, but this time Nick didn’t leave the car, instead he screamed at Matt until he almost triggered a panic attack and only agreed to stop once Matt promised to quietly drive them home. They didn’t speak to each other after that.
When they got home after 11:55pm, Nick was completely drained, so if everything continued as it should have, he wouldn’t have even noticed that he didn’t remember how he changed into his pjs and got into bed that night, before everything went dark.
Day 3
Nick
He woke up to the sun shining in his face and groaned. He was immediately annoyed he got woken up earlier than necessary again. Why is the sun even coming through, I closed the blinds yesterday, he thought, now properly angry.
He groaned once more and turned around to take his phone, giving up on sleep and planning on scrolling through his apps before getting up.
Nick knew the second he turned on his phone screen that he was completely and utterly fucked. There wasn’t any doubt left in his mind, he wasn’t dreaming or imagining it, he wasn’t high or hallucinating and it couldn’t be just some high-effort prank. This was real, he was stuck in a time-loop. And he had exactly 0 ideas on how to get out of it.
Day 45
Nick
By now, Nick has lost count on how many repetitions he’s lived through, but he’s sure it’s been more than a month. He spent almost three weeks obsessively trying new and different strategies on how to get out of it. You name it, he Nick tried it. He watched movies to gather ideas, read weird conspiracy theories online and even posted on Reddit. At some point he even tried recreating the first day exactly as it went, fully planning on letting himself get hit by a car again, just wanting this nightmare to be over, but for some reason the car didn’t come that time. This was the only variation from an otherwise completely same sequence of events. So he tried chasing that lead for a while, but turned up empty. No matter what time he got there, that one girl in that specific car never showed up.
The one thing he never did though, was involving his brothers. He never mentioned neither his worsening mental state nor the whole being-stuck-in-a-time-loop-and-slowly-going-crazy situation. He knew they would never believe him, they would think he was trying to be funny, or even worse, they would see he was being serious and admit him to a psych ward. He knew he’d wake up back at home the next loop, but he honestly just didn’t have the energy to talk to them anymore.
So he gave up. He was so, so tired. His mental state naturally plummeted, going from freaked out and determined to escape this, to simply not caring anymore. He spent a few loops just lying around in bed the whole day, not responding to anyone and ignoring Matt and Chris’s attempts to help.
On some darker days, the thought started creeping in. He wouldn’t do that yet, but he couldn’t lie to himself and say he wouldn’t start considering it in the future.
One loop, he randomly got a burst of energy and decided to try and take advantage of this whole bizarre situation. He could basically do anything he wanted with no consequences. So he spent a few loops trying everything he always (or never) wanted. He went to Disneyland, horseback riding, then a few concerts and live performances. He took their car and drove around until he scratched the whole thing and ran into a tree. He went to the shelter and brought home three cats. He even tried bungee jumping once. Once, he posted a video to their YouTube channel, saying he lied and was actually straight, just to laugh as the internet went crazy.
He did that and much more, trying to find something to entertain himself with each non-passing day.
Nick was chilling one loop, when a thought struck him out of nowhere, he realised he hadn’t properly hung out with Matt and Chris in a long while, he couldn’t remember the last time he was open or had an honest heart-to-heart conversation with them and he suddenly missed them terribly. His chest ached at the feeling. So he spent a few loops connecting with them in different ways again, insisting on joint activities and taking the time to really talk with them both separately. And although it felt good, it wasn’t enough; he still couldn’t tell them the truth about his dark thoughts or the time-loop, he was completely alone in that, and he never felt more alone in his life.
Day 60
Nick
After he got bored of trying something new every loop, he kind of burnt out for a while. So his next few days were spent wasting away in his depression zone.
It wasn’t until day 60 (not that he knew) that he first got the idea of trying to ease his pain in some other way. He went out and got drunk alone for the first time that loop. And it turned out to be just the first of many. Nick enjoyed being drunk, time passed faster and he didn’t need to think about depressing things all the time. Plus, he woke up the next morning without any repercussions, no headache, no destroyed liver, no nothing.
If his mental state was slowly worsening because of it, he didn’t really notice.
Day 70
Nick
He was drinking again tonight, but this time he decided to go out to a club instead. He searched up some famous ‘lgbtq friendly’ bar in the area and once night came, he was gone.
He knew the loop re-started at midnight exactly, at first he thought there was some deeper meaning behind it, but later realised it was then that he was hit by the car and passed out on the first night.
Anyways, since he only had until midnight to have fun, he entered the club already tipsy at around 9pm. He spent a depressing sum of money on shots and colourful cocktails at the bar inside, buying drinks for random strangers around him. The money would be back in his account the next morning anyway.
The music was good and the alcohol made making new friends easy, so Nick had an amazing night dancing and laughing with various fun strangers.
Then, just before midnight, Nick went up to the bar to order another shot ‘for the road’. As he was waiting, he looked to his side and made eye-contact with a girl. And not just any girl, it was her, the girl who hit him with his car the first day. They stood there shocked, staring at each other wide-eyed, everything else growing quiet around them.
“Are you-“, Nick started saying, reaching his arm towards her, when everything went black.
Day 71
Nick
When Nick woke up that morning, he was immediately up and full of energy, his heart was beating like crazy and something akin to hope started blooming in his chest.
I saw her, it was definitely her, she recognised me too, he thought, excited at the prospect of not being alone in this nightmare anymore, even if it was the asshole who ran a red light and for all intents and purposes killed him. The only explanation that made sense now was that she was also stuck in a time loop, why else wouldn’t she be on that road when she should’ve been, why would she be at a club and above all else – she recognised him!
Nick knew their troubles weren’t over yet, but he was just dying to talk to someone going through the same thing as him, he wanted to be understood so badly. This was also their best chance of figuring out their situation, whatever happened, they needed both of them if they stood any chance of breaking out.
He decided he would go to the same club again tonight, this time painfully sober, and wait for her outside to show up. She’d come, he was sure of it.
The day couldn’t go by fast enough, despite everything, this was the day that dragged on the longest. Then fucking finally it was 9pm, when the club opened, and Nick was the first one by the door, not willing to wait even a second longer.
Luckily, he didn’t need to wait long, as he saw the young woman standing a few feet away from him, not in a ‘clubbing’ outfit, staring at him with a mix of excitement and anxiety.
“Hi, I’m Sarah, sorry for hitting you with my car”, she said half-jokingly.
“Hey, I’m Nick. Yeah, that wasn’t very fun, but I guess I’ll forgive you if you help me figure out how to end whatever the fuck is going on”, he responded, trying to sound casual, though it was clear he was as nervous as her.
Sarah sighed and looked around, “We’ll need a quiet place to talk, let’s get out of here”.
“No need to tell me twice”, Nick said and followed her away from the club.
Usually he wouldn’t be caught dead leaving with a stranger like this, but their situation was anything but normal, and even if something were to happen, it’s not like it’d be permanent…
They ended up walking a few streets over to where her car was parked. When she saw the hesitant look on Nick’s face, Sarah assured him they could simply sit inside to talk, she wouldn’t drive them anywhere if it made him uncomfortable. She did hit him with it, after all.
“So… where do we even start?”, she asked.
“Girl, how about, I don’t know, being stuck in an actual fucking time loop?”, Nick started, then remembered he wasn’t with one of his brothers and should at least try to appear more calm and polite. To be fair, after everything he’s gone through everyone should be grateful he didn’t go on a random killing spree, so…
They ended up talking for hours, right until midnight when the loop reset and cut their meeting short. They exchanged numbers beforehand though, and agreed to meet up after breakfast the next day.
They talked a lot. It felt so good to finally talk with someone who understood, with the same struggles, pain, fear and helplessness. In this situation, they now really only had each other. They complained and unloaded all of their anger, sadness, hopelessness and despair from the last (almost) two and a half months.
Nick told his side of the story, then Sarah revealed what happened on her end. After Nick fell unconscious that first night, she couldn’t handle the thought of having potentially killed someone, so the intense panic and the unbearable weight of that knowledge made her mind shut down, and she fell unconscious just moments after him. She woke up again the next morning extremely confused, and the rest is history.
She apologised profusely for not paying attention while driving, she was normally a very cautious driver, but she’s had the worst few months of her life at that point and her mental state hit rock bottom that night. She started having a panic attack while driving, she wanted to pull over, but before she could… well…
It was a very emotional talk, they both screamed and they both cried. But they both needed this. They let it all out, the pent up emotions and stress, and it was enough for today. They would start planning to end this tomorrow.
Day 72
Nick
“Okay so we know the loop started at exactly midnight, when we both passed out”, Nick started thinking out loud. He and Sarah met up the next morning at a park near the area of the nightclub they met at. They decided it would do them both good to spend more time outside, on the sun, to try and combat their depressive moods a bit. So that’s how they ended up on a random park bench, overlooking the pond.
“The most obvious thing we could try first is to recreate the first day exactly the same, but given how it ends, that’s out of the question”, mused Sarah.
“Honestly at this point I don’t care anymore. We can just do it and if I die, I die. I’ve had enough of this anyway”, Nick exhaled, casually admitting his darkest secret.
He was just tired, he was sick of trying and struggling every day. Even if they somehow escaped this shit show, everything would just return to normal and go on as it has before, and he didn’t want that either. Everything he did took so much effort and energy, he was so exhausted from hating himself, thinking he was never good enough or that he was too much, he was constantly fighting himself in his head and he was just tired of feeling this way.
“What…?”, Sarah froze beside him.
“I guess I just don’t have much fight left in me. If we can escape the loop some other way that’s fine, but if letting it play out as it originally should have… I guess I’m fine with that too”, he felt strangely calm saying that.
“Are you serious?”, Sarah asked coldly, glaring at him in anger, “Are you really that kind of person who would let his family, his brothers who love him alone? Because what, you’re tired?”, her voice starting to rise by the end.
“That has nothing to do with you. If it’s regarding me and my life then it’s my decision”, Nick replied, getting a bit defensive.
“Nothing to do with me? You’re asking me to willingly let you die! Not just that, I would have to be the one to kill you! If you’re just a suicidal fucker with no regard for others than leave me out of it, I want nothing to do with it”, she screamed, not caring people around them started staring at them.
“Sarah calm down, it’s not that serious. Would you rather stay stuck in this fucking nightmare forever? If we go through with it, no matter how it turns out at least life will go on. I can’t take ‘living’ like this anymore!”, Nick was also yelling now, wanting to get his point across.
“So, what? You die and that’s it?”, she asked exasperated, “What about your brothers then? You didn’t see them after you got hit, they were losing it, you dying would destroy them Nick!”
“Why do you keep bringing them up? They aren’t your fucking problem! They would still have each other anyway, they don’t need me. Sure they’d be sad at first but they’d get over it eventually”, Nick yelled, breathing heavily.
At that, Sarah’s furious expression slowly turned stone cold, empty. “Fuck you Nick”, she said calmly, then turned around and walked away. And Nick let her.
They didn’t get in contact for a couple of loops after that.
Day 80
Nick
Nick only got worse in the past few days. He didn’t bother getting up at first, succumbing to his depression for a while. Matt and Chris always tried talking to him and helping, and he pushed them away harsher each time. He wanted to leave them, it wouldn’t be fair to accept their help now and then betray them if it came down to it.
Then around a week after their fight, Sarah texted Nick to meet her that night and sent him a marked location.
So that’s how Nick ended up at a random cemetery he’d never been to before at 9pm on the 80th day of September 4th. Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t catch him dead going to a cemetery at night, but it’s been well-established that his situation was anything but normal and that Nick was severely depressed and didn’t really care about his well-being at this point so…
When he got there, he wasn’t really sure where they were supposed to meet, so he slowly walked around and tried to see if he could find her anywhere. He spotted her sitting in front of a grave at the front end of the cemetery and went to join her. Nick wasn’t stupid, he read the name on the gravestone and the years of birth and death (she died only two years ago, fuck) and logically assumed the person buried here was probably her sister. He was quiet as he sat down next to her. He didn’t say anything, giving her the chance to talk when she was ready.
“We used to be close when we were younger. She was three years younger than me and always thought I was the coolest person ever, so she copied everything I did and it used to drive me crazy”, Sarah started, not looking at Nick as she did so, “When we were teens we did basically everything together, we were best friends. But then I moved away for collage, and with time, we sort of drifted apart. The thing is, she tried reaching out often, but I was busy with my work or meeting new people and I just… didn’t make time for her anymore.”
“When I got the call… it didn’t feel real. I couldn’t accept it. She wouldn’t do that, not her. She would never do this to our family, to me. But she did. The worst part is that I never even knew she was struggling. She never mentioned anything and it wasn’t like I was ever there to see it. I don’t know what happened to her, how much and for how long she was suffering to end up making that choice, but I will tell you one thing; if she was honest with me, if she said even one word about how bad it was, I’d have dropped everything to go be with her. I’d give anything to have just one more conversation with her or to see and hold her one more time. I’d give anything to go back and do things differently, to at least have the chance to help her. But I won’t. It’s too late and I’ll never see her again and no matter how much time will pass, the hole she left in my heart will never be filled. A part of me is just gone and I will never feel whole again. She is gone… and knowing I wasn’t there for her… that I didn’t help her… it kills me a bit day by day and I’ll never forgive myself as long as I live”, she had tears streaming down her face.
Sarah finally turned to look Nick in the eyes and said “Go talk to your brothers Nick”.
She made her point, she didn’t need to say anymore. So Nick wiped the tears from his face, got up and went home as fast as he could. He suddenly missed his brothers so much it burned.
.
.
.
All
When Nick got home a bit before 10pm that night, Matt and Chris were already in the living room waiting for him. It made him realise that they were probably worried and waiting for him to come back every night he went out during the previous loops and his heart ached at the thought.
He saw them notice him and Nick genuinely expected them to start yelling or berating him, but was instead pulled into a tight hug.
“Oh thank fuck” and “You’re okay” was all he heard from them and he couldn’t hold back any longer and started crying as he hugged them back.
“Nick, buddy, what’s wrong?”, “We’ve noticed you haven’t been well for a while… please let us help”, Chris and Matt started saying, wanting nothing more than to be there for their brother who was clearly hurting.
And Nick did, he finally opened up and told them everything. Well, almost everything, he didn’t mention the loop. He told them about how at first he couldn’t stand his body, how it progressed into deeper self-worth issues and how he started distancing himself and how lonely it made him feel. He told them how his depression got worse and even how at time he wouldn’t mind getting run over by a car (putting it lightly). He talked for a while, letting go of all the stress, frustration, sadness, confusion and emptiness that have been growing inside him for months.
Matt and Chris just held him through it all and listened, not interrupting him once.
“Oh Nick…”, Matt sniffled, “Thank you for telling us”.
“We’ve got you now, we won’t leave you alone again. You’re going to be okay kid, I promise”, added Chris though his own tears, hugging him even tighter.
“Yeah…”, Nick mumbled into Chris’s neck, feeling like maybe he really could be.
They talked some more, all words of love and support. Eventually, they moved to Nick’s bed, where they would sleep together that night, none of them willing to leave the others’ side.
After their emotional conversation, Nick just felt raw, he was completely exhausted, but also felt lighter than he had in months. He distantly thought that tomorrow this talk will never have happened for Matt and Chris…
“Night Nick, I love you”, mumbled Chris from one side.
“Love you”, mumbled Matt from the other.
… but it happened for him. And Nick knew he could always count on them, even if they didn’t have all the information. Even if they didn’t remember this, at their core, they were still his loving and caring brothers. As long as he woke up and they were there, he’d be fine. They’ll hang out and have fun together regardless, so it was fine. He’d be fine.
Tuesday, September 5th
Nick
When Nick woke up that morning, the first thing he registered was that he was warm. He slowly opened his eyes, and instead of the usual sun hitting his face, he saw a mess of hair in front of him. He blinked a few times and the scene didn’t change. He looked around and saw Chris and Matt, each cuddled up to him from both sides.
It took longer him than he was proud of to connect the dots in his head. Is this actually real right now, he thought as his heart started beating faster.
At first he couldn’t believe it, his mind hadn’t processed it yet. But looking around, holding the still sleeping Matt and Chris, everything just felt so right.
After the most horrible, long, depressing and boring 80 Mondays of his life, it was finally Tuesday.
He faintly thought that it was sort of annoying that the answer to escaping the loop was him finally opening up to his brothers and letting them in. It was even more annoying that it took him fucking 80 days to get to this point but okay… The key to escaping was probably tied in with Sarah anyway, she needed to ‘save’ someone after not being able to help her sister, and Nick needed to learn to ask for help. Kind of ironic that it made them both suffer more in the meantime, but whatever works.
Being free of the loop meant that he would actually have to deal with the consequences of his actions again. They missed their meeting because of him yesterday for one. And his brothers now know about his depressive thoughts and mental health crisis. He was far from being mentally stable and completely happy, but it was a start. He had a long journey ahead of him, and he was sure Matt and Chris would remain by his side every step of the way.
And Nick wouldn’t have it any other way.