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“I feel responsible for every wrongdoing that happened in these cells over the years…” Optimus lamented. When he learned of the mistreating of the Decepticons his spark ached.
“You couldn’t have known, Prime, neither of us did. And we had no other choice, if we wished to keep on the good side of the humans”, Megatron tried to comfort him. They were currently in the section of GHOST that was used as cell section for the Decepticons.
There was a lot to rebuild inside of GHOST after how Karen Croft left it. Optimus and Megatron both wanted to do better, and having good humans like the Maltos and Jon Schloder on their side, there was hope for a better future.
'These spaces could be used as recharge stations’ , Jon had suggested, and even though he meant only well, there was a lot to heal for many bots, and maybe returning to this section of the GHOST base wasn’t the best medicine for those wounds. At least not so soon. But sometimes healing isn’t easy, and it could hurt too.
Optimus offline his optics for a moment.
“Yes, I know”, he said.
“Is there ever a time when you don’t find something to blame yourself about?” Megatron questioned. Sometimes he felt like Optimus blamed himself for everything, so no one else would. Maybe that was one way to look after your family, but it was a very toxic and bad one.
He knew the way Optimus led was different from his own, but nowadays Megatron had learned to understand Optimus’ point of view. Maybe if Megatron had learned to show such compassion to his Decepticons, and reflect on his actions and the consequences like Optimus does, maybe the war could’ve ended a lot earlier.
But there was no use wondering ‘ what could’ve been’ s, when their attention should be on the future.
Optimus sighed deep. He straightened up from kneeling down and faced Megatron. Megatron gestured with his servo as he added; “Let us focus on rebuilding, rather than what broke the foundation.” He offered a fist towards Optimus; knowing how Optimus tried to keep up with human customs and trends, fist bump felt appropriate. Optimus chuckled and bumped Megatron’s fist with his own.
“Thank you, Megatron. I can always count on you to remind me of the present”, Optimus thanked him. Megatron grinned; “Pleased to be of service.”
Then, Optimus’ communicator beeped. Bumblebee was calling him.
“ Hey, Optimus sir.. I, uh.. there’s someone here who wishes to talk to you, in person ”, the yellow bot explained. By here , he meant the Malto farm, and by who , he meant-
“Starscream?” Optimus repeated. He and Megatron shared looks.
"Yes. Yes, please ask him to wait. I'll be there in 20 nano-cycles."
"What would Starscream want from you?" Megatron murmured; "Do you want me to cover you?"
Optimus hummed thoughtfully.
"No need, thank you. I'm sure Starscream doesn't wish to fight", was Prime's friendly way of saying, Starscream probably doesn't want to see you, Megatron, so you should stay as far as possible. Megatron let out a little noise to voice his concern, but Megatron too assumed that Starscream had something else in mind than starting a fight. He didn’t poke into Optimus’ business further, but he did tell him, ‘I am only a com call away. ’
Optimus was grateful for him, and he let Megatron know it too.
~
Optimus arrived in 20 minutes or so to the Malto farm, where Starscream was waiting for him. Bumblebee and Hashtag were outside with him, as well as Dot. It was early evening, and a little chilly outside. The Transformers weren’t bothered by it, though.
Starscream led Optimus further from the barn and the house, to the other side of the field. Fluffy Ears kept close to them both, a few more cows got intrigued by them as well.
Starscream, trying his best to appear collected and cold, did crouch down to gently pet the cows. Optimus looked at the gold colored sky, and broke the silence; “What did you need of me, Starscream?”
The mentioned clenched his hands into fists and spent a moment to find the correct words.
“I talked with Hashtag for a long time, and she convinced me of-” Starscream started, growled in irritation and continued; “-Of… talking to you.”
Optimus looked at Starscream, who just barely glanced at him from the corner of his optics.
“Alright”, Optimus hummed and sat down by the big tree that stood near.
“Let us talk, then. Whenever you are ready.”
Starscream took his time to start talking, and when he talked he kept getting sidetracked from the main subject, most times on purpose. But Optimus was able to keep up with him, and he didn’t mind or point out Starscream’s scattered thoughts. Optimus was patient, and he let Starscream take his time. There was no need to rush it. Not when Optimus could be like this with Starscream. He wouldn’t have asked to see Prime and talk and talk with him for hours if he really didn’t want to, and needed to.
Optimus was able to put together all of Starscream’s scattered thoughts and sidetracked rants, and what Starscream was venting about was mainly about his time as a Decepticon, and about Megatron and how he treated him. Optimus did not know the whole truth about everything, he knew only of Megatron’s point of view and not even most of that. Hearing the hurt and trauma in Starscream’s words and voice ached Optimus, and he felt for him.
Then, in the middle of his sentence, Starscream grew awfully anxious, and he stood up from the ground. His body language, the trembling of his hands and labored, shortness of breathing were obvious signs of what humans called anxiety attacks, or in worst cases, panic attacks. Fortunately Optimus knew a thing or two about them; it was not uncommon for a Transformer to suffer from anxiety and panic, or depression.
“Starscream-” Optimus tried, but Starscream did not hear him. He was stuck in the current thought, not able to proceed forward. Starscream stepped back and forth, gesturing wildly with his arms and growing more anxious by the second. Optimus pulled up from the ground and approached the Seeker, who upon noticing him turned towards the Autobot and pulled his arms towards him to tell him to keep his distance.
“Don’t-!” Starscream spat; “Don’t touch me-”
“Starscream, please, calm down”, Optimus spoke gently and slowly, and to respect Starscream’s wish he took a step back. Optimus held his hands towards the Seeker, and he continued; “Starscream, I need you to do something for me. Can you name five things you can see from where you are standing now?”
Starscream looked confused, frustrated, and he asked; “Wh- what-?”, and Optimus repeated; “Look around you, and name me five things that you can see.”
Starscream shook his head a little, smacked his lips and blinked his optics a couple of times. He let his view wander in the surroundings, and he started; “I- I can see- Well, I see cows!” Starscream gestured towards the animals around them.
“Very good”, Optimus cheered him on; “What else?”
“I see- the barn!” Starscream continued, and took a moment to breathe.
“I see- … I see a bird in the sky. And a- I don’t know what that is called, but that ”, Starscream kept listing and gestured towards some farm equipment at the fence. Then he turned to look at Optimus.
“And… I see, you.”
Optimus smiled for him.
“That’s good. Then, can you name me four things that you can touch, please”, Optimus asked him, and Starscream let out a little frustrated sigh.
“Sure, I’ll humor you, Prime”, Starscream mumbled, rolling his optics. He looked down at his feet, stomping on the grass with his heel.
“I can touch the grass under my stabilizing servos”, Starscream started. He approached the tree they had been sitting under, and touching it he said; “This tree. It’s leaves”, he lifted up his servos to try the leaves between his digits.
A sweet little ‘moo’ drew Starscream’s attention to Fluffy Ears, who was standing close to him. The Seeker knelt down to the cow and gently tried her ears.
“And Fluffy Ears’, uh, ears… That was four, right?”
“Yes. What about, three things you can hear-?” Optimus started, and standing up from the ground Starscream swat his servos towards the Autobot.
“Well, right now you're the only thing irritating my audio receptors!” he growled and approached Optimus.
“What are we doing, Optimus?”
“Helping you stabilize yourself”, Optimus answered, and Starscream was about to argue back, but realized then that he was indeed feeling better than a moment ago. Upon realizing it he looked lost and confused, and Optimus decided to step in.
“Starscream”, Optimus started. He opened his arms towards the Decepticon, who looked back at him from under his brows. Starscream did not say anything, and Optimus started: “Thank you for all you’ve shared with me today. I know it was hard to say all of those things, but I am proud of you for doing it, and I am honored it was me you wished to talk to.”
Optimus placed his servo on his chest and continued; “I can never take away what you’ve been through, how you’ve been mistreated, and hurt. No one can. But if you’ll let me from now on… I can help you carry that burden, and someday, hopefully, lift it altogether.”
“Don’t you have too much on your shoulders already, Prime? Why take on my burdens too?” Starscream asked him, not really believing what he was hearing. Optimus answered him: “There is always room for you, too. If you’ll let me.”
Starscream was battling with his emotions right now. He turned around, and was about to take to his wings, but ended up not doing it. Instead, he turned towards Optimus and demanded: “You are buddies with Megatron- how would we even work?”
“Yes, I am on good terms with Megatron. But that doesn’t have to determine what we, you and me, are. I can be as much involved with you as I can be with him”, Optimus explained, gesturing gently with his hands.
“Megatron is a changed person. And so are you. You two could find common grounds, if you wanted to. You two could find closure together- like me and Megatron did. This, however, doesn’t mean you have to forget all about what he did. I couldn’t even ask that of you, knowing what you’ve been through. It wouldn’t be fair of me, or anyone, to ask and expect that.”
Starscream shook his head again in frustration.
“Why are you so good to me?” he asked.
Optimus took a moment to answer. He said: “Because not many have been good to you. And I believe that… You wish more people were.”
Starscream thought back to Hashtag, who he had grown close with, and who he considered a friend. That was a lot coming from Starscream. And yes, he had to admit that the few times he’s met with Megatron after the whole, Mandroid trying to kill off all of Cybertronians -thing, the ex-leader of the Decepticons treated him with more compassion, respect and equality.
Starscream’s whole being seemed to relax, and the frustration and aggressiveness was replaced with confusion, and melancholy. Starscream felt lost, and these feelings were unwelcomed, but in general he was feeling a lot better after having talked about these things with Optimus. Optimus’ compassion made him feel puzzled, but not entirely in a bad way.
“How are you feeling now, Starscream?” Optimus asked after a moment of silence. He called Starscream by his name to help and ground him, and to let him know he was focusing on him and him alone. Starscream sighed. He lifted his servos up and stared at his palms.
“I am… feeling, a little less burdened”, he answered, his tone a lot calmer and softer. Now he faced Optimus directly, rather than under his brows or from the corner of his optics. Optimus smiled, and Starscream felt a tug in his spark.
“I am glad”, Prime said.
Starscream was about to take off now, it was already nighttime. Not that he needed to be anywhere else, but it felt like the best next move. But before he did, Starscream drew close to Optimus, and wrapped his arms around his chassis. It was a hesitating, a little clumsy excuse of a hug, but Optimus appreciated it nevertheless. He wrapped his arms around Starscream, loose enough so the seeker didn’t feel trapped and could pull away anytime he wanted to.
When he finally did, Starscream shuddered and said; “Nope, Twitch was wrong, hugs are not for me-”, and Optimus, feeling in his spark how Starscream really wanted to be able to show emotions and feelings with physical contact, replied to him; “We can work on that later.”
“Thank you, Optimus… For- you know.”
“I know. You are welcome, Starscream.”