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Robby was still asleep in Miguel’s lap when Carmen and Johnny returned, Johnny to his apartment and Carmen to her’s. What she hadn’t expected to find was her and Johnny’s sons curled up together on the sofa. She entered the apartment and closed the door after her.
“Mom,” Miguel said, a little surprised. The boy had absolutely no idea what time it was. The sound of Miguel’s voice woke Robby from his sleep. He saw Carmen standing in the doorway.
“Hi, Mrs. Diaz. Is my dad home too?”
“Yes. He went home. He’s probably wondering where you are,” Carmen answered.
Just then, there was a frantic knock at the door. Carmen opened the door to find Johnny standing there.
“Have you seen…Robby!” It was obvious when Johnny caught sight of his son. Obvious relief swept over the man. He came into the apartment as Carmen opened the door for him. Johnny went straight to his son and wrapped him in a hug. “I went to see if you were asleep in bed and you weren’t there. I was so worried.”
“I was right here with Miguel most of the night,” Robby said.
Johnny looked to Miguel for confirmation. The teen nodded, informing Johnny that Robby had in fact been here most of the night.
“Dad,” Robby said, pulling back slightly from their hug. “I have something I need to talk to you about.”
Johnny looked confused. It was past midnight and he was tired. What could Robby possibly want to talk about right now. “Can it wait until morning, Robby?”
“No, Dad,” Robby said. “This is really important.”
There was a seriousness in Robby’s tone that Johnny could not ignore. Johnny sat on the couch and pulled Robby to sit beside him. “Okay, Robby. I’m listening.”
And Johnny was listening, which honestly made telling him even harder.
Robby took a deep breath and started. “Remember when we ran into each other at the Cobra Kai dojo on the night of the All Valley?”
“Yeah. When you followed me.”
“Yeah. Except I hadn’t actually been following you. I made it up.”
There was an awkward pause in the conversation as Johnny waited for Robby to continue. Then, Johnny prompted his son, “What were you doing then?”
Robby opened his mouth to answer, but it was inexplicably dry. Robby’s heart was racing. He was fucking terrified.
“This is so hard,” Robby said to Miguel without looking at him.
“It’s okay that it’s hard for you, Robby. In fact it makes sense that it is hard. It means that it matters to you,” Miguel answered.
“I’m scared.”
“It’s going to be okay, Robby. He’ll be able to help you get the help you need.”
Johnny was concerned now. He had no idea what the boys were talking about. He just wanted Robby to be okay. He wanted to do whatever he could to make sure that Robby would be okay.
“Robby, what’s going on?”
There was so much love and concern in Johnny’s tone that Robby found himself able to look at his father again. Robby took a deep breath before answering. “That night, I hadn’t followed you. I went to the dojo for my own reasons. I was going to…” Robby paused for a moment. This was so hard! He couldn’t get himself to say the words. Then he looked at Miguel, the boy who was standing right by his side, just like he promised. And he said the words. “I was planning to kill myself that night. And I probably would have if you hadn’t already been there.”
There was a moment of silence and everyone was still. Carmen had even stopped what she was doing in the next room over as she prepared for bed when she heard the words.
No one said anything. No words of comfort or of anger. Even Miguel was standing still and quiet, waiting for some response from Johnny. There was just a blank look on Johnny’s face.
Robby couldn’t handle the stillness and silence anymore.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that,” Robby said as he ran past his father and out the door, tears streaming down his face.
This shocked Johnny out of his stupor. “Oh my God! I need to find him.”
In his panic, Johnny tripped over his own foot and hit the ground hard. Carmen rushed from the bedroom to Johnny’s side. Miguel ran out the door after Robby.
Johnny tried to get back up, but it was as if his body was rebelling against him. He couldn’t even get to his feet. Hell, he couldn’t even feel his feet.
Johnny knew that he was experiencing a panic attack, especially once the difficulty breathing and the heart palpitations began, because he had them in his youth, before he had started drinking to numb his emotions. He knew what it was, but he also knew that this was the worst possible time to have one.
He needed to find his son.
The thought played on repeat.
As Carmen helped him up, He needed to find his son.
As Carmen forced him to sit down, He needed to find his son.
AS she tried to calm him, He needed to find his son.
He couldn’t be sitting here panicking. He needed to find Robby. What if Johnny waited too long and something happened? Then an even worse thought occurred to him.
“What if I wait too long and he does something to himself? What if he tries to kill himself again because I couldn’t find the right words to say fast enough?” Johnny hadn’t known that he said the words out loud until Carmen replied to them.
“Miguel already went out after Robby, and I’m sure he’s contacted some of their friends. They’ll find him before anything bad happens to him.”
“You really believe that?” Johnny asked.
“I have to. The other option is too much to bear,” Carmen said. She had come to love Robby deeply as well, as she got to know him. The thought of him being gone hurt her almost as much as it hurt Johnny.
Johnny took a deep breath. “You’re right. Miguel and their friends know all of Robby’s favorite places to hang out and where he goes when he’s stressed. They’ll be able to find him before anything happens.”
Carmen nodded and said, “He’ll be back. We just need to keep calm and trust them all.”
Johnny nodded, but he knew that there was no way he was going to be able to calm down until his son was home safe.
……
Carmen had been right about Miguel. The moment he had taken off after Robby, he called Sam, knowing that she would answer, even though it was the middle of the night.
“Hey, Miguel. What’s up?” Sam asked.
“I need your help,” Miguel panted the words out as he ran in the direction that he believed Robby had gone.
“What’s wrong, Miguel?” Sam asked, concern lacing her tone.
“Robby ran away.”
“What?”
“He was talking to Johnny and… I don’t know… he just ran.” Miguel, of course knew what Johnny and Robby had been talking about, but it wasn’t his place to tell Sam. Miguel felt a rush of guilt. If anything happened to Robby because of this, it would be his fault. He was the one who had pushed Robby to talk about it to his dad.
“Okay. I’m going to help you find him.”
“Thanks,” Miguel said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I don’t know,” Sam said with a choked laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
“I love you,” Miguel said.
“I love you too,” Sam said.
Miguel hung up the call. He needed to find his brother. He paused to look around. He’d already searched most of the neighborhood. Where could Robby have gone?
Then, Miguel knew where he went, because there was one place that Robby used for comfort more than anywhere else.
He began running toward Robby.
… …
Robby hadn’t known where he was going when he left the apartment. He just ran. But he wasn’t surprised by where he turned up either.
Robby gently pushed open the gates to the Miyagi- Do dojo and slowed to a walk.
There were tears running down his face and he couldn’t get a full breath of air. He walked around the yard, trying to calm his breathing before he sat. After a while, his breathing calmed, but his racing mind did not.
He sat on the edge of the sparring deck and looked out over the dojo. But he couldn’t focus on the beauty. He couldn’t focus on any one thought at all.
His mind was all jumbled. He had known it was a bad idea to tell his dad. He had known that his dad wouldn’t love him anymore if he knew. He had known! But he had hoped he was wrong.
Evidently, he wasn’t.
His dad didn’t love him anymore because he couldn’t handle the trauma of his past. But Robby couldn’t handle the thought of going back to a life without his dad.
Robby’s thoughts were running a mile a minute. He looked around the dojo desperately for some kind of solution.
His eyes settled on the massive rock, the one with the inscription on the side that not even Sam knew the meaning of.
It was heavy. Robby knew that much. He smiled at the memory of Demetri and Chris being tasked to pick it up together. Demetri didn’t need him anymore. He would be okay if Robby died.
Robby wondered if the rock would be heavy enough to crush him. If there was a way to make it fall on himself. If that would make it look like some sort of accident rather than a suicide.
Robby shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to die. Not really.
He just wanted the pain to stop!
Just then, he heard the gate open and turned his gaze towards it to find Miguel standing there.
Robby nodded in acknowledgement and then looked away.
Miguel took a second to gather himself before sitting next to Robby on the sparring deck.
Miguel asked, “Are you okay?”
Robby just turned and looked at him.
“That was a stupid question. I’m sorry,” Miguel said in response to Robby’s glare.
The boys sat in silence for a moment before Miguel continued. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Just stay with me. I’m scared.” Robby hadn’t realized it was true until he said it. He was terrified, but he was so used to being afraid that he almost forgot that it was fear.
“It’s going to be okay Robby. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep Miguel.”
“I’ll do everything in my power to make sure everything turns out okay.”
“I’ll take that,” Robby said, leaning his head on Miguel’s shoulder.
Miguel smiled and went to pull his phone out of his pocket. Robby noticed the movement and said, “Please don’t call my dad. I’m not ready to see him again yet. I need a few more minutes.” There was a desperateness in his tone that Miguel couldn’t ignore.
“I’m not calling your dad. I’m calling Sam to give us a ride. It’s too late to be wandering around town by ourselves,” Miguel said.
“Okay,” Robby said, allowing Miguel to make the call. Miguel went a short distance away in order to make the call. Robby let him because the other boy was still well within seeing distance.
After a minute, Miguel returned to Robby’s side. “She’s on her way.” Robby nodded in response to Miguel’s statement. “You can stay with me tonight. My mom won’t mind.”
Robby smiled and nodded again.
“Okay. It’s a plan then,” Miguel said with a laugh. That just made Robby smile even bigger. Miguel sure was a dork sometimes.
“What were you thinking about when I came in?” Miguel asked, just to keep the conversation going.
The smile immediately dropped off Robby’s face. “You don’t want to know.” Robby looked down at the ground and away from Miguel.
“You were having dark thoughts again,” Miguel said. It wasn’t a question. He knew that it was the truth.
“Yeah,” Robby said, still looking at the ground. “But I don’t think I would have done anything.”
Miguel was quiet. His concern for the other boy was overwhelming. “I’m sorry that you have been hurt so much that you feel like dying is the best escape.”
Robby took a deep breath and looked at Miguel again. He needed Miguel to know he was telling the truth. “I don’t think I actually want to die. I just want the pain to stop.”
“I know. I’m sorry I can’t make it go away.”
“It’s not your fault,” Robby responded.
Miguel nodded.
Then, there was a car horn from the front of the dojo. Sam was here. The boys walked to the front of the dojo, where Sam was waiting for them. She had climbed out of the car to greet them. When Sam saw the boys, she rushed over to them.
Robby was expecting Sam to run to her boyfriend, but her arms wrapped around Robby instead. “Thank God you’re okay,” Sam said into Robby’s ear. “I heard you ran away and I was so worried.”
“I’m okay now,” Robby said. “I just needed to get out for a while.” Robby knew that he would have to tell Sam the truth eventually, especially if the two of them were going to be best friends again, but that seemed too much to ask for tonight.
Sam pulled away and hugged Miguel as well. Then she ushered the boys to the car because it was late and they all ought to be home.
Sam hopped into the driver’s seat and Miguel and Robby slid into the back. Miguel wasn’t ready to let Robby out of his sight yet.
The first few minutes of the car ride were silent, until Sam broke the silence. “Your dad is worried about you, Robby.”
“He is?”
“Yeah. Why wouldn’t he be?”
Robby dodged the question. “How do you know?”
“He and Carmen called my dad and told him what was going on. Dad said he sounded really freaked out.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. That’s what my dad said. Why wouldn’t he be?”
Robby was silent for a moment, before he said, “I’m not really sure I’m ready to talk about it yet. He just scared me, and I had to step away before I freaked out completely.”
“Okay, Robby. I just need you to know that I’ll be here for you no matter what,” Sam said as she pulled up to the apartments.
“Thanks,” Robby said to her with a small smile.
“Always,” Sam said as the boys got out of the car. “Good night, boys.”
“Good night,” the boys responded in unison.
As Sam drove away, the boys went to enter Miguel’s apartment.
When Miguel opened the door and entered with Robby behind him, Johnny stood up from the couch and wordlessly wrapped Robby in his arms. Robby could feel his father’s tears falling onto the top of his head. That’s when he realized that Johnny really did love him, even if he was bad at showing it. Robby melted into the hug and wrapped his own arms around his dad.
After a minute, Johnny managed to find his voice. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Robby. I was so scared.”
Robby was crying now too. He wanted to respond to his dad, but words weren’t coming anymore. He just hugged his dad tighter.
“It’s going to be okay, Robby. I’ve got you now and I’m never leaving again. Never again,” Johnny whispered to his son.
“I love you, Dad,” Robby said quietly.
“I love you too.”
Johnny pulled away so that he could look at Robby. “I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything at first, Robby. I just didn’t know what to say. I don’t know how to help you, but I really want to. I want you to be the happiest you can be, Robby. And I’d do anything to make sure that you are okay.”
“Really?” Robby asked, hope in his gaze.
“Really,” Johnny said. There was a pause before he continued. “Do you need to talk to someone? Like a therapist or something? Carmen said you might want to talk to someone.”
“You would be okay with that?”
“If you think it might be helpful for you, then yes,” Johnny said.
“I think it might help,” Robby said after a pause. “But it’s so expensive, Dad.”
“Let me worry about that. If you need this, I’ll find a way to make it happen, even if I have to ask Daniel for help paying for it,” Johnny said the last bit under his breath. Robby still heard it. That was when Robby knew that Johnny was really serious about being a good dad.
Johnny was a prideful man who wanted to be able to take care of things himself. He didn’t like to ask for help, but here he was, getting ready to do just that for Robby.
“Thanks, Dad,” Robby said, wrapping his arms around Johnny again.
Now that Johnny and Robby had their conversation, Carmen came over and spoke to Robby. “I’m so glad you’re safe, Robby.”
Robby turned then and wrapped Carmen in a hug. “Thank you for looking out for me.”
“Always, Robecito,” Carmen said.
That’s when Miguel hopped in and decided to make the hug a group hug. Johnny decided then that he may as well join in too.
There, wrapped in the warmth and safety of his family, Robby knew that everything was going to be okay. His dad wouldn’t leave him. He would get the help that he needed.
Robby knew he would never be able to repay his family for all of the love and support that they were giving him, but they wouldn’t want him to.
They loved him and he loved them in return.
And that was enough.