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Robby sat on the floor of the Diaz family’s apartment eating pizza. Miguel had ordered plain cheese, just like Robby liked it, even though Miguel preferred to have other toppings on his. It was clear that Miguel was trying hard to make up with Robby, even if Robby had already told him that he wasn’t angry.
After eating, the boys sprawled out in the living room and turned the TV on. Miguel wanted to try again to ask what was going on with Robby because he really did care, but he didn’t want it to accidentally blow up again, like it had the first time.
Then, when Robby shifted on the ground, his sleeve rolled up a bit. Miguel saw the markings there. He knew that they must have been relatively fresh because Robby hadn’t had marks there over the summer. Robby noticed where Miguel’s gaze was focused and attempted to fix his sleeve to cover the markings again. Miguel gently grabbed his wrist before he could.
Robby could have fought Miguel’s grasp easily, but for some reason, he didn’t want to fight him. A part of Robby needed Miguel to know what was going on. Maybe Miguel could help him, and now that the other teen knew anyway, it wasn’t like he had to explain.
Miguel rolled Robby’s sleeve up farther and was surprised and frightened to find the sheer quantity of cuts that was covering the boy’s arm. Miguel felt anger bubbling up in him again. Why didn’t Robby tell him? All Miguel wanted to do was help the other boy. Why wouldn’t he let him? But Miguel was also sad that Robby evidently had been dealing with this for a while and no one really noticed.
Miguel took a deep breath and then asked, “When did you start cutting again?”
Robby was quiet for so long that it seemed like he might not answer. Then, he said, “After I got caught in that cave in.”
“Robby, that was months ago!”
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
Robby paused to think before he answered. “I think it’s getting bad again, Miguel,” Robby decided to confess. After all, Miguel had told Robby to come to him if it got bad again, and Robby knew that it was.
“What’s getting bad again? Your depression?”
Robby just nodded.
Miguel didn’t know what to say, so he just wrapped Robby up in his arms. Then a thought occurred to Miguel. “What about your suicidal thoughts? Have those come back too?” Miguel was afraid of the answer, but he needed to know.
Robby thought about lying to Miguel again, but he was so damn tired of lying. “Yes,” Robby whispered with a faint nod of his head.
Miguel tried to think about what to say as he held his brother close. But Miguel didn’t know what to do. He knew that Robby probably needed professional help, but he wasn’t sure how to suggest the idea. Especially considering that there was no way that Robby would do it. Unless the idea came from Johnny.
Miguel took a deep breath and said, “I think it’s time you tell Johnny about this, Robby.”
“No.”
“What’s keeping you from telling him?”
“I’m scared that he won’t love me anymore,” Robby said. Miguel was surprised by how quickly he got an answer. He was expecting more pushback. But there it was.
“There is nothing that will stop your dad from loving you, Robby. He cares about you so much.”
“But if he knew how broken I was…” Robby started.
Miguel interrupted his thought process, saying, “He would still love you.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“Maybe you’re right Miguel. Dad needs to know.”
Miguel just nodded and squeezed his brother tightly for a moment. Miguel knew that this would be hard for Robby and he was proud of his brother for making this decision.
“I want you to be there when I tell him. For moral support,” Robby said. There was a tinge of hesitation in his voice, as if he believed that Miguel was going to say no.
“Alright,” Miguel responded right away. He wanted Robby to be as comfortable as possible when he had to tell his father about his mental health struggles. It would be difficult and scary for Robby and Miguel wanted to do anything he could to make it easier for Robby to do. “When are we doing this?”
Robby smiled faintly as he noted Miguel’s use of the word “we”. Then he responded, “As soon as possible. Before I can back out.”
“Okay,” Miguel says. “But there’s no way I’m letting you back out of this no matter what Robby.”
Robby didn't know whether to feel comforted or insulted by what Miguel was insinuating.
“Do you want to try to wait up?” Miguel asked.
Robby nodded. Then he leaned into Miguel’s shoulder. Miguel slung his arm protectively around Robby. Miguel held onto Robby tightly. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to silence Robby’s harmful thoughts, but he could prevent Robby from being able to act on them. As long as Miguel kept Robby right next to him.
Miguel handed Robby the remote and allowed him to pick a channel. They ended up watching a Boy Meets World marathon that was just starting because Robby “loved Boy Meets World as a kid” and "it made him feel safe”. When Robby looked down at his phone, Miguel set the DVR to record the whole series for Robby.
After a few episodes, it was around 9 o’clock and Robby was absolutely drained. He fell asleep leaning against Miguel’s shoulder.
Miguel gently shuffled the other boy so that he was laying across his lap instead. That seemed more comfortable. Besides, Miguel wasn’t planning on going to sleep. He was too nervous that Robby would sneak away and harm himself more if he fell asleep, so he refused to do so.
He would do anything in his power to keep his brother safe.