Work Text:
Rivulets of blood dripped down the tip of my blade, landing on the skin of my opponent. My hand clutched the dagger firmly, holding it centimeters away from the pulsing jugular vein. Beads of sweat ran down my grimy face, taking with it the dirt and mud that caked my skin. My breathing came out in ragged gasps but so was my opponent’s.
I was totally in control. A life was in my hands. Or rather, two lives were in my hands. My opponent… and my own. All I had to do was swing my hand down and it would be over.
Yet…
He who giveth life taketh life.
God knows how many times we’ve shouted that in unison. With pride in our hearts, we would stand at attention, backs rigid, eyes forward, with one arm on our chest in a salute. It wasn’t so much an order as it was a purpose. Our lives belonged to the organization, our will dictated by orders given by the higher-ups, our soul claimed by the devil.
We were special. We were the chosen ones. That’s what we were made to believe.
Isolated from the world, we were brought up in an institution far away from any human community. The large facility was situated in the middle of a desert, its location hidden from both the naked eye and any infra-red or heat sensor. You could stand barely a foot away from it and not know that it was there. It was like we never existed.
Despite the lack of social contact, we learnt through simulated environments that were sampled from actual happenings around the world. Thrust any social situation upon us and we could easily adapt. There was one thing, however, that could not be so easily taught without real experience.
Relationships.
Family, friends, lovers. Mastering it was more a matter of time and experience. Unlike all the other subjects and field training that we went through, relationships was a totally different area. The only interactions that were allowed were between instructor and student for the purpose of imparting knowledge. We had bare minimum contact among fellow students. Anyone caught having verbal or physical contact with another student was severely punished.
But the higher-ups soon realized that this was a flaw within their system. So they came up with an ingenious plan that involved pairing up the students. We were all assigned a buddy with whom we would do activities. Through constant interaction, we would then build up a friendship with our buddy.
At least, that was the plan. But if there’s one thing predictable about life, it is its unpredictability. I got my assigned buddy when I was barely five years of age. I remember the two of us staring blankly at each other, unsure of what to do next. Our faces held no expression but we studied each other closely. He was slightly shorter than me, with raven hair and sharp eyes that held no warmth. His mouth seemed to be fixed in a perpetual scowl, which added to his unapproachable demeanor.
“Levi.” He extended his hand in greeting. “I’m Levi.”
Apprehensively, I took his hand and shook it firmly. “(F/N). Nice to meet you.”
Once that was done, we sat down awkwardly and waited for someone to inform us of what we should be doing. Our observers soon realized nothing was going to happen, so they began the normal classes.
It struck me instantly during the course of the class that my buddy’s aptitude was way higher than mine. Not only could he answer every question faster than me, he also had this air of arrogance and aloofness about him. I didn’t really know it at the time but I was extremely ticked off. A fire had ignited inside my heart and for the first time in my young life, I felt…. alive.
His talent seemed to know no bounds – every subject from math to humanities, every exercise from wrestling to gun assembly, he aced it effortlessly. It annoyed me to no end and I worked my ass off trying to beat him at something. Anything.
To him, everything seemed boring. Whenever he saw me practice harder than him, he would utter a simple ‘Tch’ under his breath. His behavior only made me madder and I would glare daggers at him, which of course never affected him.
We never spoke outside of class. Interaction was limited to simple hand gestures, including the occasional middle finger. Our behavior was worrisome to our handlers but I guess my marked improvement in such a short period of time justified the need to keep the two of us as buddies.
Within three years, I was almost as good as Levi. It was to the point that he actually had to put in some effort to beat me. Needless to say, I was thrilled by the results. But it took me another year before I finally floored him. Literally.
As he lay there wheezing in pain from my well-aimed kick at his stomach, I leaned against the wall, catching my breath. We had gone up against each other for nearly an hour without stop and despite my obvious victory I had no energy to spit out a witty remark. Instead, I merely smirked. When he finally turned to look at me, I sucked in my breath, trying not to look as winded as I undoubtedly was. Half-expecting him to brush my win off as pure luck, I braced myself for a heated argument.
“Good one, brat.”
I blinked in surprise, my brows furrowing as those unexpected words spilled out from his mouth. Cocking my head to one side, I wondered whether he was trying to deceive me. Despite my exhaustion, I pushed myself off the wall, readying my body for an attack. But he surprised me yet again by turning his back towards me and walking out of the practice room. I could only stare in shock at his receding back, my feet planted to the ground as I tried to make sense of his reaction.
From that day onwards, Levi’s behavior and attitude towards me changed. Slowly but definitely noticeably. His grey stormy eyes that were once dull seemed to glisten with newfound vigor. The imbalance in our relationship had finally been ironed out and turned into respect. He had acknowledged me on equal grounds.
Our classes turned into a vigorous competition between the two of us. No sooner had one of us won a challenge, the other would retaliate. We kept a tally of the number of battles each of us had won but we were almost always tied.
Even outside of lessons, we had a more comfortable relationship with each other. What used to be long stretching silences turned into snarky banter. It might not seem like much but that was considered a healthy relationship to us.
Yet once again, life just has to throw a curveball when you least expect it. Although to me, this ball was something that I would gladly receive. To this day, I still look at it as a gift rather than a curse.
It happened when we were reading our stack of daily newspapers from all over the world. While leafing through the world news, I realized Levi had been stuck on a single page for quite a while. Before I could tease him about it, I noticed the way his fingers dug into the thin paper, the slight quake of his lips and the emptiness in his eyes.
“Levi?”
He barely looked at me.
“What’s wrong?” I asked again, a tinge of concern in my voice as I touched his forearm.
Following his gaze, I read the title of the article.
Wanted criminal commits suicide.
My eyes travelled down to the body of the article, skimming through it quickly.
Serial killer and rebel, Kenny Ackerman,…
…..left a suicide note in his apartment…. Bottle of alcohol found on premises…
Shot himself in the head…. Foul play has been ruled out.
It was obvious that the organization had assassinated this Kenny. The modus of operandi was always the same – suicide note, alcohol, gunshot to the head, body in a chair. But I couldn’t see what had made Levi so worked up. Studying the photo of the target yet again, something caught my eye. It was the way Kenny’s face was tilted sideways. He resembled…. Levi?
I whipped my head back up to look at Levi. His gaze had never shifted from the photo and if I took a closer look, I thought I could make out the slight glisten in his eyes.
Eyeing him, I asked softly, “Is Kenny your..?”
“Uncle.”
A small gasp escaped my lips before I could help it. I knew that unlike me, he had spent some time outside the organization when he was younger. But I had not probed him further neither had he volunteered any information. So I left it at that.
“Levi…. I’m…” I struggled for words, not knowing how best to soothe his emotions.
Suddenly, he stood up, the paper falling from his vise-like grip, and wordlessly left the room. Once again, I was left staring at his back as he exited. But this time, I was better able to read his emotions that he kept under lock and key. I could tell from his walk the sense of despair and emptiness that he felt. I could feel the change in his aura, the rigidness in his movement. But I had no clue as to what I should do.
Levi didn’t attend classes the next day. Nor the day after that. His feigned illness was enough to fool the doctor but not me. By the end of the second day, I had had enough of it. Barging forcefully into his room, I put on my fiercest no-nonsense expression, aiming to get him out of his depression.
Instead, my mouth dropped open as I saw Levi kneeling on the floor, bent over as he mixed different chemicals in a jar. His initial shock at my entry turned into cold anger and he swiftly closed the door shut behind me. Before I could react, he launched himself at me and using his body weight, pinned me to the wall. His arm was shoved against my windpipe and it took me all my strength to not retaliate. I wasn’t here to fight him or to report him. I needed him to know I was on his side.
“What are you doing here?” he hissed.
My voice came out as a wheeze but my words were firm. “Well… I wanted to kick your sorry ass..”
Levi’s arm dug into my neck, almost cutting off my air supply, and I gasped in pain.
“But I was going to say…. that I’m here for you.” And with that, I looked straight into his eyes, trying to convey my utmost sincerity.
He never tore his eyes away from me but I could see the slight waver in his conviction. It wasn’t enough to convince him so I tried a different tact.
“You want revenge right? But… if you want to get the top brass, you need connections.”
“And you’re saying you can do that and not me?” he replied.
A grin made its way across my lips. “Face it, shorty. You need me.”
After what seemed like an eternity, the force on my neck was released and I took in a deep breath.
“Tch, don’t you dare think for a second that I trust you. It’s just going to be difficult for me to dispose of your body if I kill you now,” Levi said as he folded his arms across his chest.
I rubbed my neck and gave him a conspiratorial smile. “Yeah sure. You are free to kill me if you ever doubt my loyalty.”
He raised his eyebrows at my words but didn’t say a word. However, I detected the small upturn of his lips and I knew that at least for now, I had his trust.
“So… what’s the plan?”
It hadn’t been my intention to join him on his quest for revenge. The only reason why I entered his room that day was to help him out of his stupor. When I had grasped the situation, I fully understood his reasons for doing so. After all, the organization he belonged to had just killed someone dear to him. It had nothing to do with me. In fact, my loyalty to the organization should have outweighed my friendship.
But I guess my bond with him was deeper than the superficial bond I had with the organization. We respected, understood, and cared for each other. For once in my life, I had something… real. Something tangible that was mine and mine alone.
So I adopted his goal and went against the very organization that had raised me. We planned for years – gathering materials, researching the structure and history of the organization, and testing the system for weaknesses. Our main aim was to wipe out the people at the very top which would lead to the collapse of the entire organization. After all, a dragon with no head was powerless.
It was perfect. We knew exactly what we would do once we graduated. It would take a while but once we were let out into the world, we would slowly execute phases of the plan. All we had to do was patiently await graduation.
But nothing ever goes according to plan.
On graduation day, our entire batch of students was gathered in the hall. Levi and I were both anxious and excited to finally be able to commence our operation. We didn’t let it show but we exchanged mutual glances during the head instructor’s talk, only half-listening to the guy’s speech.
“… leads us to your last test.”
We both perked up at his last sentence and a roll of murmurs could already be heard within the student population. None of us had heard about this and it sent a wave of trepidation through us.
The surrounding instructors then led us to the arena where we had our usual combat practice. But this time there were glass walls surrounding the fighting square in the middle. Soldiers stood a distance away from the square, guns at the ready.
This didn’t seem like a good sign. I glanced at Levi who seemed to share the same thoughts as his lips curved downwards and his eyes narrowed at the sight. Once we were all seated, the instructor called out the first pair of names.
“Sasha and Connie! To the square.”
A girl and guy stood up from the audience and slowly made their way to the square. They looked around them, unsure and afraid of what was going to happen. As soon as they entered the square, the glass door was slammed shut.
“Your final test is this. Only one of you can leave this place. The last person standing in that square will have graduated. You may use anything at your disposal. Begin.”
There was an immediate uproar as people began shouting in protest and making for the exit. But the loud resounding crack of the soldiers’ guns instantly silenced the crowd because everyone knew the next shots would not be fired as a warning.
“It’s the final hurdle,” Levi whispered.
“What?”
“There was another reason behind the buddy system, (F/N).” He looked at me with despair. “They want to kill any human emotion within us. They want to show us that we can’t trust anyone.”
I stared at him in horror as I took in his words. What he said made perfect sense and it sent chills down my body. It was known long ago that the organization was ruthless and cruel in its policies and rules. But this test right here took the cake.
Looking back at the square, I watched as Sasha and Connie fought each other half-heartedly. Connie had gotten the upper hand and he swung his blade at Sasha. But as his dagger closed in, he froze. Realizing that her imminent death had not arrived, Sasha opened her eyes.
“Shit!” Connie yelled as he flung his blade across the square. He stood up and held his arms open wide.
“Sasha, kill me.”
With a yell, Sasha launched herself at him and he looked down, steeling himself for the pierce of her blade. But his end didn’t come. Sasha had slumped to the ground, her body heaving with silent sobs.
“I…. can’t, Connie. I can’t,” she cried in anguish.
Slowly, Connie bent down and took her in his arms. The knife she held fell to the ground with a clink and the two students embraced each other. Without warning, the glass doors opened once more and a dozen soldiers stood in a straight line at the entrance. The rat-a-tat sound of their machine guns covered the two students’ cries as their bodies were hit by tens of bullets, almost instantly ending their lives.
A deathly silence engulfed the arena as the rest of the student population witnessed the horrific act. It was an example to us that showed the organization didn’t care to lose people. It was a matter of kill or be killed.
“Next! Jean and Marco.” The same cold, unfeeling voice came over the loudspeakers as if nothing had happened.
Two guys entered the square and immediately began battling. I threw a sideways glance at Levi who was deep in thought. Was he thinking of a plan to get both of us out alive? Or…
Turning my attention back to the square, I realized the fight was already over. Jean, the guy with ash-brown hair, stood victorious. As the soldiers led him out of the square, he took one last look at his former comrade before moving forward. The remaining soldiers stepped into the square and stood over Marco’s body.
“AHH!”
Jean whipped around as the soldiers emptied their bullets into the still-alive Marco. Pushing past the soldiers around him, Jean rushed back into the square.
“No! Marco!” he yelled, his arms outstretched.
But before he could reach his dead friend, bullets tore through his body and he fell limp to the ground. Their plan – faking Marco’s death – albeit ingenious, had failed miserably. The organization was taking no chances.
“Next! Levi and (F/N).”
I gulped hard at the sound of our names. This was it. Looking over at Levi, I searched his expression for a glimmer of hope but found none. His eyes were vacant as he moved past me and walked towards the square.
Negative thoughts swirled in my mind as we began the walk down. Was he trying to set aside his emotions so that he would kill me? Would his quest for revenge or survival instinct drive his next move? Am I… going to let him kill me?
As we entered the arena, I dropped into a fighting stance with my legs spread apart and my fists in front of me. I didn’t know what to do, what to think, how to act. Levi did the same but for some reason, his posture seemed more relaxed. It unnerved me and I began my assault.
He avoided my punches and kicks but I could see he was very out of it. Each of my blows grazed him and I already saw some cuts on his torso. Until now, he still hadn’t attacked me. Was he trying to wait until I was tired?
Soon, I had him backed up against the glass wall. As I closed in, he bent and whipped my legs out from under me. I fell to the ground hard and before I could recover, he was sitting on my chest with a dagger in his hand. My reflexes took over and I kneed him in the back while my other hand tugged his arm down. Making use of the momentum, I knocked the dagger out of his hand and rolled on top of him.
This time, our positions were in reverse and my dagger was already in hand. He tried moving his free arm but I only sank my blade into his flesh, causing him to hiss in pain. Moving in for the kill, I brought my blade to his neck.
It was then that I hesitated. Levi would never have let me overpower him so easily. His moves had been predictable almost as if he wanted me to win. My eyes widened as I realized what he had been planning all along.
“Why, Levi?” I whispered, loud enough only for him to hear.
“One of us has to live.”
“But.. why me? You have a reason to live! Not me,” I argued.
A small smile flitted across his features. “Because you brat can get the job done better than me. And besides, I could never kill you.”
Tears stung my eyes as my trembling hand clutched the blade. A searing pain shot through my heart at his declaration. Despite all that he wanted to accomplish, he was sacrificing everything, including his life, for me. Yet I, the one who found meaning in life because of him, had been so willing to end his life. I didn’t deserve it. I wasn’t worth his sacrifice. Why was he doing this for me?
“You can do this, (F/N). Live on for me,” he whispered. “I’ll wait for you on the other side. And make sure to bring me good news, brat.”
“10 seconds more.” The sound of the instructor’s voice pierced through the square. “Make a move or you both will die.”
“Do it, (F/N).”
“No…”
“9…. 8”
“I beg you. Do it.”
“No!”
“4…. 3…”
“Please.”
“AHHHHHH!” I yelled as I brought my dagger down.
I believe all of you now know what happened next. This is my record of everything that has happened to me during my time within the organization. I’ve kept all the confidential information regarding the organization in this document – including a list of the assassinations that I’ve done and the names of all the leaders. Of ten leaders, I’ve already killed four. By the time you hear this, my mission should have been a success.
I am TN-463, the last Titan agent alive.