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"What are you—stop it, get out of there! NO, I said no!"
Machi Komacine liked to think of herself as a calm and patient person, able to keep her cool in even the most stressful of situations. It was her even temper and almost supernatural instincts and reflexes that had enabled the Phantom Troupe to get out of some sticky situations.
And unfortunately, they were doing jack shit for her right now as her patience was pushed to the breaking point.
It would seem that she'd finally met her match: her mischievous kitten Phantom. His name was proving especially apt today as he flitted around her kitchen like a black shadow, slipping out of her grip like smoke.
She'd been planning on doing a little weekend baking, something she hadn't had time to indulge in for...god, how long had it been? Machi paused to consider the fact, but then swore under her breath as Phantom ran full tilt across the counter. He leaped over a jar she'd filled with odd-sized kitchen utensils, kicking it out from under him and sending balloon whisks and salad tongs cascading to the floor. Machi made a futile swipe at them, but slipped forward on the muffin batter splattered across the floor. She tripped forward and slammed against the counter, letting out an "Ooof!" as the wind was knocked right out of her.
What was that saying about the best-laid plans?
It had all started when Machi took Phantom to his very first veterinary appointment yesterday. The visit had involved a full checkup with immunizations, which he—suffice to say—had not loved. He'd sulked for the rest of the day, hiding and nipping at Machi when she tried to pet him.
Today, it seemed, he was venting all of his frustration at once. He'd still been hiding when she woke up, and she couldn't find him after getting ready. "He'll come out on his own time, I guess," she told herself.
Shrugging, Machi had headed to the kitchen to spend a long afternoon whipping up some treats. Apple cinnamon muffins to start with, she'd decided, and maybe some banana bread to follow. As she went through her initial tasks on autopilot—apron on, recipe book on the stand, turn on her favorite "kitchen background music" playlist on her phone—her mind wandered to Phantom. I'll have to check on him once the muffins are in the oven. Looks like he ate the food I set out for him last night, but I want to make sure he's okay.
With a deep sigh (not a worried one, nope, not at all), Machi began setting out her equipment. She stooped to pull a mixing bowl out from the cabinet, and popped up to set it on the counter—
And froze, seeing Phantom sitting on the counter next to the cutting board. "So, look who finally decided to show up." Machi's eyebrows shot up towards her hairline. "Where were you all this morning?" He meowed in response, and Machi just shook her head as she set about collecting the ingredients. She placed two apples on the cutting board before turning away to peruse the spice cabinet. As she scanned the labels to find the cinnamon, Machi suddenly heard a thunk from behind. Whirling around, she found one apple on the floor, and Phantom sitting on the cutting board, paw on the second apple. Looking her dead in the eyes, Phantom swatted at the second apple, knocking it onto the floor to join its companion. "They're food, not toys," Machi grumbled as she stopped to collect the apples and rinse them off.
It was a challenge to mix up the batter while Phantom prowled around the kitchen; Machi had to constantly nudge him away from the bowl and the ingredients. But she finally had it mixed, and all she needed to do was pour it into the muffin tin and pop that into the oven.
She really shouldn't have turned her back to get the tin.
The instant she turned back around, her heart plummeted and the blood froze in her veins. Phantom was standing, paws against the rim of the mixing bowl, peering down into it with fascination. "Hang on," Machi said, trying to keep her cool, "you don't want to go in there, Phantom. Just sit down, okay?"
But you know what they say about cats and curiosity, right?
Phantom pushed down harder on the rim of the bowl to sniff at the batter...which promptly oozed all over him. Well, him and the counter, and down onto the floor to boot. With a gasp, Machi darted forward to grab the kitten, who began yowling as he was covered in the sticky mess.
Darting to the sink, Machi jogged the faucet lever with her elbow, trying to keep her grip on a squirming and frantically mewling Phantom. Cool water splashed out, and Machi held Phantom under the faucet to rinse him off--because how else would you clean a cat covered in muffin batter?
Well, he didn't like that very much. She was able to get a good bit of the batter washed off of him before Phantom managed to escape her grasp, frantically fleeing from her and the cold, wet, stream of sheer death. He fled up her arm, across her chest, and onto her head which now served as a springboard.
Which...led to her current predicament.
Phantom was leaping across the kitchen like a ping-pong ball, trying to both escape Machi's grasp and to find a way to remove the water and gunk coating his fur. It didn't bode well for the kitchen, to say the least. Little muffin batter stains now covered the counter, appliances, even the walls in places. Phantom flung himself into the fruit bowl, squirming around to rub off the batter, but only succeeded in flipping the bowl over and sending fruit bouncing around. One particularly aggressive orange bounced against the coffee maker, rocking it enough for the liquid to slosh out of the pot. Phantom leaped over the fruit and careened into the propped-up recipe book, which fell over him like a cave or tunnel.
Here's my chance! Machi reached over to scoop up the book, only for Phantom to wiggle his way out before she could get to him. The book fell flat onto the counter, smack into a gooey dripping puddle.
"How can one kitten be so fast?" Machi groused as he slipped through her fingers again. "Ugh!" She was now smeared all over with muffin batter, with water splotches dampening her clothes. Phantom had pulled some strands of hair loose from her ponytail, and they kept falling into her eyes. Although she would have liked nothing more than to fling herself into the shower and clean herself before tackling this task, calming the cat down first took top priority.
But then Phantom crashed into the spice rack, toppling it over. Machi cried aloud, darting forward to try and catch the dozens of bottles that were now rolling across the counter and crashing onto the floor, hands outstretched in desperation. The glass bottles shattered, spilling their contents across the floor, and wafting up a cloud of combined scents. Machi gagged on the scent, an unholy combination with notes of cinnamon, garlic, and cumin that stung her nose and eyes.
"Phantom, would you just—cough, cough—calm down, you'll be fine!" She rubbed at her eyes, trying to see through the tears beading up.
The kitten sneezed in response, crying softly. Machi attempted to bat away the cloud of spices, trying to clear the air enough that she could see him. The pitiful cries continued as Phantom wobbled around on the counter, trying to figure out what was going on. He wandered closer and closer to the edge of the sink, until he rolled off the edge and landed in the sink.
With a deep sigh, Machi carefully stepped around the puddles and debris littering her kitchen floor and made her way to the sink. Phantom was huddled in a damp mess, crying, wet and sticky and cold. Ever so gently, Machi scooped him up with both hands and held him to her chest, hoping her body heat would help.
"It's gonna be okay," Machi told him softly. "You're safe." The cries and mews turned into soft little purrs as the tiny kitten began to calm down. Machi stroked his fur, giving him little scratches behind his ears. "You know, even though you wrecked the place, I can't stay mad at you. Maybe this will teach you to stay out of the kitchen when I'm cooking, huh? We'll see, I guess."
She cast her gaze around the kitchen, surveying the sea of chaos before her. Utensils and food laid scattered amidst puddles of water and coffee, the appliances and walls festooned with smears of muffin batter and dustings of spices. Shards of broken glass lay scattered like little constellations, twinkling in the afternoon light.
"That is, if I can ever get this place set back to rights." Phantom sneezed. "Mmmm. Okay, we'll both need baths first, it looks like. But then..." Machi's shoulders slumped as she quickly calculated the amount of time it would take to clean. "I'll be lucky if I'm done before midnight," she grumbled.
Phantom's little pink tongue rasped against Machi's finger as she scratched him under the chin absent-mindedly. The sensation suddenly sparked an idea, and Machi's eyes lit up as a solution presented itself to her, tailor-made for her situation. Mindful of her wet, sticky house slippers, Machi quickly made her way to the living room, plucking her phone from its charging stand. She cradled Phantom with one hand as she tapped out a familiar number with the other. With her heart in her throat, Machi anxiously waited for the other end to pick up.
"Hey, Shizuku? Are you free today? I've got a job for you..."