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Diem held a tupperware of homemade fudge as they navigated the streets. It was a cloudy day and the air felt musky, but it had a distinctly fresh smell. Diem enjoyed the smell, even if it promised bad weather. They picked up the pace a little despite the pleasant atmosphere.
They were heading to the Phelps’ house.
Diem had actually never been there, but apparently their mother had. She had made multiple comments on how nice and insightful Kenneth Phelps had been, how his sermons opened new doors to God that had previously been closed.
Diem’s eyes had glazed over the more she talked, especially when the discussion started moving to territory Diem understood but wished they didn’t.
Today their mother, their sweet mother, had stopped them when they came home with the tupperware. She had insisted that Diem bring a gift to Kenneth, that nice man, and their mother voice held a firmness that Diem had accepted immediately.
Diem then left the house quickly, afraid to be caught in another one of her rants and odd prayers, and in their hurry they had forgotten about the overcast sky.
They tried not to worry too much. It was only supposed to drizzle.
Diem just really hated being caught in the rain.
Having to wash and redo their hair afterwards was always a pain. There was also the possibility of a cold, the sticky feelings of wet clothes on their back, and the wave of sensory issues that usually hit them.
Not to mention it was fall season. It wasn’t inexplicably cold, but it was cold enough for jackets and pants.
Overall, it would suck to be caught in the rain.
Diem squinted at the street sign and then took a left, steps growing even quicker.
But apparently the clouds had no sympathy for Diem’s predicament and they felt the first few drops of rain on their head. It was okay. It was okay. It was only supposed to drizzle slightly, at least according to the ever so accurate radio station of Nockfell.
Yet the clouds listened to no one, especially not inexperienced weatherman from small towns. The rain quickly started pounding on their face and they were running at this point, desperately trying to dart under very brief periods of shelter while covering the fudge their mother had provided.
Why had they forgotten their umbrella?
It had been sitting against the wall. Diem could only imagine their step father’s reaction to their rain soaked form. Accusations of irresponsibility, taunts of their stupidity, and then just insults of whatever else he could manage to tie into the situation.
The very thought made tears of frustration intermingle with the cruel rain.
Diem finally managed to skirt their way under the Phelps’ porch, shivering violently as they pulled the tupperware out of their soaked sweater.
Their bottom lip wobbled dangerously and Diem had to take several deep breaths to contain themself. They really did not feel like dealing with Kenneth Phelps. Diem knew he hated them for being a blight on his perfect church, his perfect people.
They sighed, the cold making them somewhat braver, mostly because they just wanted to run back home and take a warm shower. They would most likely get a cold. At least they could stay home from school and their mother would make them some chicken noodle soup. Sometimes, she even fed it to them.
With the warm memory in their mind, Diem pushed the doorbell which made more of an odd crackling than a pleasant ringing noise. They heard footsteps and steeled themself for the encounter, though they were cold and sniffling.
It could always be worse.
“We don’t want what your selling.”
The man who opened the door wasn’t even a man. It was a teenage boy with too bright yellow hair and a black eye that seemed to never really go away, a scowl etched in his face that made dangerous butterflies racket in Diem’s chest. A feeling they couldn’t control and wished would go away.
“Oh, it’s you.”
Diem wished his disdain wasn’t so painful. They pushed on despite the ache in their chest. It wasn’t worth it, not today. It never really was with Travis, but their heart and brain refused to align with each other on that matter.
“Travis, ah- uh…my mom made fudge. For your dad. She wanted to thank him for a sermon he did.”
Diem held the container out to Travis and his eyes flicked down to the water that dripped steadily from their hands. He seemed to pay more attention to that than the container, which wasn’t all that wet despite the conditions it traveled through.
The heat from inside the house almost made Diem’s knees collapsed. They were shaking like a leaf and simply waiting for Travis to take the fudge burden away so they could run back home in the miserable cold to a house with an environment that would most likely be just as miserable.
Travis looked them up and down, observing their quivering form.
“Did you run here in the rain? Even someone like you should know better than to do something like that.”
There was a certain cold, cruel amusement that Travis seemed capable of when it came to Diem. Usually they would just back off, maybe even just walk really fast in the other direction. But they didn’t run with this stupid fudge for nothing.
“I didn’t mean…can you take the fudge and just tell your dad my mom sent it? And that she sent her blessings.”
Diem put some pleading into their tone. The cold was getting too much to bear, especially with warmth just out of their reach. The heater from inside seemed like it was taunting them.
“Sure, whatever.”
He rolled his eyes and snatched the container from them. It took a minute for their numb, trembling fingers to close properly.
“Maybe don’t walk in the rain next time. You look pathetic right now.”
Diem hated confrontation.
Really, they did. Something about it made their anxiety high enough to kick in their flight response. Sometimes they didn’t even have that much, simply freezing at even the concept of it. Yet they were cold, tired, and they knew they would hear the same thing at home.
And something about that just made them so, so angry.
A situation out of their control somehow was their fault. Their fingernails dug into their palms.
“Travis, I don’t get it. I avoid you at school, but I still see you everyday. I constantly ask you to just…leave me alone, and you don’t. An- and worst of all,”
Their teeth were chattering a little.
“you act like my friend at the church. You gave me water to drink when I was uncomfortable, you steer your dad away…and I thought maybe…I don’t know what I thought actually.”
Travis seemed stunned momentarily, but his expression hardened.
“It’s not my fault you read into things too much. Can you go now? I don’t need your outburst on my porch. You’re gonna draw attention.”
“Why? I don’t get it! Do you like me? Do you hate me? I need you to make up your mind! When you’re sweet….you’re so nice. You pay attention, and you listen, and you even joke. But at school, you treat me like some freak show!”
Diem threw their arms in the air, droplets of water following their motion.
“I didn’t come here for that! I just wanted to drop off a gift from my mom. I didn’t know it would fucking rain, Travis!”
And Diem just kept surprising him, and they liked it. Let him be confused. Travis didn’t know Diem as well as he thought he did.
“Well that’s- that’s what you are! You’re confusing, and you’re spreading whatever you are everywhere. You– whatever! You’re on my porch, yelling about God knows what.”
Diem couldn’t believe it. Except they could. Why would they try to acknowledge those times Travis seemed to enjoy, even revel in their company?
Diem wrapped their arms around themself, “well I’m sure your father is very proud of you.”
They said it as scathingly as possible. They felt like, deep down, Travis didn’t really like his father that much. That maybe Travis didn’t want to be Kenneth Phelps.
Either way, they didn’t care. They needed to make another quick run and they knew for sure they were about to be sick for a multitude of reasons.
Without waiting to see Travis’ face, they turned and ran into the cold, bitter rain.
They didn’t make it very far. Two hands grasped their body, their upper arms, and pulled them back. Diem was face-to-chest with Travis.
The rain soaked through him and his hair looked dull.
Everything about him looked dulled down in the rain. The rain even seemed to wash away the carefully crafted anger. And Diem saw him. The tired yet still semi-snarky boy from the church. Travis was stopping them in the rain, his taller form quickly becoming soaked through
Travis was shaking, and not just because he was standing in the rain. His hands trembled while grasping Diem and his mouth kept opening and closing, his eyes darting everywhere as if paranoid something or someone was gazing straight at them right now. Finally, he settled on two words.
“I’m sorry.”
And something about his expression made Diem feel like he was about to do something awful. For the both of them. He looked so sad, his anger melting more and more with each pellet of rain, and it scared Diem. This was too vulnerable and they knew what came next. They weren’t ready for this.
Diem wasn’t ready for Travis and everything that came with him.
“Travis you d…”
“I have to say sorry. I have..Diem, I haven’t…fuck…I have to say..”
Travis cut himself off and he was staring at Diem with an intensity that was making them more sick than the rain ever could. All Diem felt was the steady pattering of the rain soaking through their intertwined form and the horrible, horrible tension.
The rain drowned out their sorrowful plea, all their fight from earlier drained completely. It was too soon. He was realizing this all too soon for Diem, and it seemed to be moving in an odd slow motion and fast forward at the same time.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to– we can talk la–”
And just as the clouds had ignored their wishes earlier, so did Travis. He squeezed their arms. Diem didn’t know if it was a reassurance for them or himself. Either way, neither of the two relaxed.
“Diem, I like you.”
Diem was sure the rain stopped. That was the only thing that could explain their sudden dry throat and the surge of warmth swirling throughout their body. It shouldn’t be this exciting. Travis’ confession…he has been nothing but awful most times, but others….it was so strange how a few interactions could warp their perception of him. How before all their shared moments in that holier than thou place Travis had been something to avoid.
Now they were drawn to him more than ever.
“I…I know.”
Diem didn’t know what else to say. Had they known? Maybe hoped, but known was a stretch. It was odd how Travis had always been around them though, no matter what, even in the past they had took multiple steps to try and avoid him in the school hallways. Diem managed to wriggle their left arm from him, placing their hand on the smooth side of his face.
And Travis leaned into it. He leaned into their touch, chasing it like it was something he had been starved of for years.
He looked pretty in the rain.
Diem was so warm, so damn warm despite the cold that enveloped them.
“I’m sorry.” He repeated, but his voice seemed all the more miserable this time around.
“I know.”
This time their voice was more firm. Diem knew his apology was genuine, but it was not something they would accept. At least not right now. Even though they couldn’t help but touch him and enjoy Travis in their grasp
It was like the rain wasn’t even there.
Diem heard Travis curse again, and then they were being pulled forward. Diem made no move to stop him. The warmth of his lips against theirs muted every thought they would have formed. The rain slid off them, and the moment was just Travis, Travis, Travis. It was all they could think. It was like Travis had somehow managed to reach beyond their body.
And he didn’t stop, even when Diem was sure he would, and he stopped grabbing their arms in favor of their waist and if not for the shattering reminder of the rain, they would’ve kissed him forever.
It was their first kiss.
Their first ever kiss in the rain with someone who had just apologized. And they hoped that every ounce of what they could give in forgiveness was being understood. Diem did not fully understand the urgency that Travis poured into the kiss like it was their last, did not fully comprehend why he held onto them so tightly as if they would slip away from his fingers.
No, Diem did not understand the full meaning of why Travis kissed with such raw hunger and emotion.
It would be the only time, he promised himself, as he devoured them whole.
As he explored what he could now in the rain with no one there, Travis gave Diem everything. Every single emotion they had ever made him feel.
He could already feel the snaking regret as he pulled away, the taunt of Lucifer and Hellfire in his mind, but it was not his fault that they had stood there. Diem was the epitome of temptation, of wanting something Travis could never have, and they were so naïve to it.
Travis looked down at their expression, ignoring the rain as he had been doing the entire time. He wanted to keep his hands on their waist, and take them inside, and give them a new sweater and let them be warm. He would keep them warm with every touch and kiss. With every fiery emotion Diem made him feel.
It was so hard to not kiss them again.
But he had already done too much. He let go of them and his hands felt like they just pulled off brimstones, smoking and burning.
“Travis, I…that was–”
Diem had no words. None. The kiss was indescribable. And wonderful, and bittersweet, and maybe not exactly what someone might picture as romantic but it was something Diem could picture happening again.
Travis didn’t speak for a minute, but he did grasp their hand and lead them back under the shelter of his porch. The rain stopped pouring down on them, but they had both been ignoring it for so long that it wasn’t much change.
“I should get you an umbrella. And a new sweater, but I don’t have pants. Thanks for the fudge, by the way.”
And Diem knew whatever moment had just happened was crumbling but at least it wasn’t crumbling under the weight of anger and sadness. Travis was worried about his father and so much more. Plus, their mom was probably worrying about them right now.
So, they handled the subject change with as much grace as possible.
“Of course, Travis.”
Diem would just have to have a proper discussion with him later.
And the topic of confrontation didn’t seem so daunting now. Not with Travis, not after this. Diem allowed themself a small, private smile as they fiddled with the sleeves of a jacket slowly becoming more and more uncomfortable.
But that was okay.
Everything would be alright.