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“A past life’s sin must be repaid in this one.”
Those words echoed in his head — only the heavy rainfall and booming thunder were heard across the ruined land filled with nothing but the aftermath of a hard battle accompanied by the lingering silence.
‘Is this punishment for my past life’s sins I must atone for?’ He thought to himself.
No matter how he had countlessly said he wasn’t him, the past — his fate said otherwise.
The girl was cold — colder than anything — as she lay limp in his arms with a spear struck through her now frozen heart, no longer smiling. The quiet felt suffocating and maddening, not a sign of life around other than his own.
“March.”
He received no response. The girl remained silent, not a word nor breath from her.
That’s right.
It’s all coming back to him once more.
The moment of hesitation led him to remain at least alive — breathing, and maybe the only survivor at that. It led to the feeling of guilt that he failed as the guard of the Express.
However, this moment led to regret.
It was supposed to be a simple, yet arduous process of remembering — a simple thing that one would quickly recover from, especially if that someone was chasing her past, wanting to know everything about herself.
That was what he thought at first, he was only thinking about March’s cheery self and what he thought she’d do at that moment.
He wanted to be there for her, just like how he had always been by her side — accept her and see her not as her past, but as her present self, just like how she saw him as Dan Heng, and not as Imbibitor Lunae or Dan Feng.
But what was supposed to be an event to be happy about — the remembering of what she was, who she was — became a moment of loss and tragedy for all of them.
How did it end this way?
How did the difference between March’s past and her current self become blurred — her past self bleeding through until the current March no longer shone like the radiant sun she once was? Her past was much colder — merciless — akin to the six-phased ice she wielded effortlessly, her gaze was cold and unfeeling as iridescent eyes that once sparkled at the littlest of things no longer lit up in the slightest.
The girl’s smile flashed before his eyes. She was holding her blue camera, asking him to smile for a photo in the memory, and regret filled him once more — overflowing. It felt more painful than the pain he endured back then within the confines of the Shackling Prison, or the pain of the wounds he had sustained fighting against her.
He could remember how he didn’t budge at her requests and only mirrored the poses she did before her camera flashed at him. If he did as told — tried to smile for the photos she asked back then, would the pain be less?
He cradled the girl in his arms, the cold facade he wore cracking bit by bit as he hugged her tightly. Then, he silently wept — burning tears of regret escaping his eyes as he trembled, a hand reaching out for her cold, limp one.
He had many things he wasn’t able to tell her — words unsaid that could only be carried by the wind to be heard by no one else but him, and not the one they were meant for.
For the one he was supposed to tell them to could no longer hear it for herself, and Dan Heng couldn’t help but regret.
“March…” he whispers her name once more.
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.
I’m sorry I failed you.
He wanted to say all of his apologies to her — he couldn’t.
What could an apology do anyway?
No matter how much he’d apologize to the girl who was no longer here for his shortcomings and failures, it wouldn’t bring her back.
He wanted to curse the irony of it all. The one whom he had vowed to protect deep within his heart was killed by him.
The dragon could only lament the precious treasure he had lost despite the great lengths he had gone to protect it — to protect the smile that to him, could put the sun to shame. He could only hold her close and never let go, no matter how much he had to — he didn’t want to. Her name fell out of his lips, but only the harsh pitter-patter and roaring thunder responded. There was no sun, only a broken oath in the rain.
He had lost the sun.
He had lost his sun.