Chapter Text
They say the first memory is always of the final moments of life.
As he swam out of the darkness to something close to consciousness, he remembered pain.
Pain, suffusing his body, burning him up from the inside out with such intensity it took too long to realise it was just a memory and his ki was free from the remembered agony.
Alongside the pain he remembered love, and a satisfaction so absolute, it made the pain worthwhile. It was this satisfaction that had followed him into death, the knowledge that he had, by some miracle, prevented the dousing of the only fire that had ever warmed his heart.
The pain renewed, a fresh stab that reminded him that the fire was forever out of reach. She was human, her mind not meant to hold his memory. However long it had taken him to revive, he would be nothing more than distant knowledge to her, if she remembered him at all.
Perhaps she had married that boy, the sohei who looked at her with a guarded longing. Though jealousy burned within him, there was a certain resignation to the thought. The boy would protect her, at least, would walk into Yomi for her, though of course she would never ask. She would never dream of wanting anything for herself, not even her own life. It had frustrated him, that she seemed to care so little for herself, and so he had taken great delight in causing her the same consternation with whatever means he had.
In his slowly gathering memories, he recalled more than sensation. A picture came into focus, fury sparking in those beautiful eyes that he had feared lost to the world forever. She had been so angry, so beautifully alive despite the grief he had caused her. Though echoes of pain continued to dance across his nerves and her anguish tore at his heart, he could never regret saving her.
Whatever world he woke up to, whatever lonely centuries awaited him, he would warm himself with the memory of her.
The world was silent but for the beat of his heart, the heart that belonged to her and only her, whether she knew it still or not.
She was out there, somewhere. There could be no other option.
He opened his eyes.