Chapter Text
Tallulah and Fundy run to the couch as they get dropped off from school, today was the last day! But that means summer boredom. The two have no time to change into more comfortable clothes, Quackity and Wilbur will be back from work soon, Wilbur from a gig, and Quackity from his after school tutorials. This means the twins have an hour before either dad gets home, and that means…
UNRESTRICTED TV TIME!
Tallulah and Fundy do already have little to no restrictions, but one show that they aren’t supposed to watch is Southpark. Which is fair, buuuut why should they care?
”What season? I think three, that good with you Lula?” Fundy asks, his tail wagging wildly under his back.
“Yeah!” Tallulah claps as she says it, her small claws clink together.
The two watch Southpark for a while, they laugh at the funny stuff and screw up their faces in disgust when the characters do something… unsavory. Once it became 4:40, the two decide to change the TV as Wilbur would be home soon.
”How abooout, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”
“No, we finished T-M-N-T. How about Barbie Life In The Dream House?!” Tallulah asks excitedly.
Fundy ponders for a moment before shaking his head. “No, maybe later… Oh! I know, how about Bluey?” Tallulah nods exitedly, Fundy grabs the remote with his fluffy fox paws and changes to the Disney channel and turns on Bluey.
Suddenly Tallulah shakes Fundy’s shoulders before saying; “Take off your binder!” Fundy’s ears flick up and he runs to his room to remove his binder, when he first got it, he had over-wore it a lot. So now, he has to change out of his binder whenever he gets home or he can’t wear it tomorrow.
When Fundy gets back to the couch, an ad starts to play.
A family is riding wolves to a large mansion type thing, there’s a huge water park, and some dragon thing and lots of merchandise.
The twins turn to stare at each other.
”Guess who’s here!” Yells Wilburs deep British voice. The two stare at Wilbur. “Hm? What’s wrong?”
”Dad, can we pleeeease go to The Great Wolf Lodge?” Fundy asks, he uses the Puppy-Dog eyes that Tommy had taught him.
”No, nooot the Puppy-Dog eyes!” Wilbur says, covering his eyes.
”Pleeease?” Fundy asks, he dilates his pupils as much as physically possible. Tallulah joins in too, her eyes sparkle with crocodile trees.
“I’ll talk to your Papa…” Wilbur groans
Fundy and Tallulahs eyes light up, Wilbur lays over the two, pancaking them, they giggle together for a while before Quackity walks in, his wings are tucked onto his back but they puff up when he sees his family.
“Hi you two, hi love!” Quackity takes off his shoes before walking over to the couch and getting pulled into the pile.
”Darling, the creatures want to go to Great Wolf Lodge and used the Puppy-Dog eyes.” Wilbur says. Quackity looks into his kids eyes. He’s met with the same Puppy-Dog eyes that his husband had been treated to.
”I’ll make you two a deal: We also go to a casino.”
He waits for Fundy and Tallulahs answers. They look to each other, then at Quackity and nod furiously.
”Ok, Wilbur c’mon. You’re gonna help me plan this out.” Quackity pulls Wilbur up and plants a kiss on his cheek which earns a groan of disgust from their children before he and Wilbur walk out.
”We should change, these clothes are stuffy.” Fundy says, he earns a nod from his sister before the twins change into some comfy house clothes.
————————Saturday————————-
”You should probably tell Phil that we’re going on a trip.” Wilbur nods and pulls out his phone.
—————————Mother Fucker—————————
Music Man: Daaaad
Music Man: We are going on a rOaD TrIp
Mother Fucker: Aw! Hope you all have fun!
Mother Fucker: Sorry, but would you mind bringing Tommy?
Music Man: Will you pay for him
Mother Fucker: Of course Wilbur.
Music Man: Can we use the camper?
Mother Fucker: Where are you even going?
Music Man: Great Wolf Lodge and a casino, both in Essempi
Mother Fucker: Oh, that’ll take a while. Sure, you can use the camper.
Mother Fucker: When are y’all leaving?
Music Man: Number 1: never say “y’all” again. Number 2: Monday
Mother Fucker: Ok, I’ll tell Tommy to pack his shit.
Music Man: k
——————————————————————
“Told him.” Wilbur says, stuffing his phone into his back pocket.
”Thank you, mi vita…” Quackity says, planting kisses on Wilburs cheeks.
”Also Tommy is coming.” Wilbur says nonchalantly.
”What!? We don’t have enough money for him!” Quackity says, his words laced with alarm.
”Don’t worry, Dad’s gonna pay for him. Also, we’re using his camper van.” Wilbur says, the words calm Quackity down as he hugs his partner.
”You should tell the twins.” Quackity mumbles into Wilburs neck.
”of course darling…” Wilbur says before detaching himself from Quackity and to the living room where he realizes the kids have left. He panics for a moment before hearing screaming from their room.
”TALLULAH. STOP WINNING. I’M GONNA SHELL YOU TO DEATH!”
”JUST GET GOOD!”
They stop yelling for a moment.
”HAHA, I WON! YOU LOST!” Tallulah yells.
“THIS IS UNFAIR. I HATE THIS GAME. AAAAAAAAH!” Fundy screeches.
Finally, Wilbur walks into the room to see Tallulah doing what he suspects is a victory dance and roaring, while is Fundy screeching into a pillow.
”Start packing for the trip you two, oh, and Tommy’s coming. Bring enough clothes for a week, we leave Monday.” Fundy stops screeching and Tallulah stops dancing, they look to each other, then at Wilbur.
”Why’s Tommy coming?”
“Your grandad wants him to.” Wilbur says simply before going back to his and Quackitys room.
”Welp, lets get packing…” Tallulah says, her voice a bit hoarse from her roaring earlier.
They take around an hour to pack in all. Tallulah carefully picked out her clothes while Fundy simply threw his into his fox themed suitcase. “Why is your suitcase a fox, if you’re a fox?” Tallulah asks, she’d been wondering for a while.
”I have to stay on brand, Tallulah.” Fundy says as if it’s the most obvious thing on earth; The sky is blue, good shoelaces are stolen from the president, their dads are gay as hell, Fundys brand is foxes!
Tallulah decides not to press further and after a while they’re back to playing Mario Kart.
————————Sunday—————————
The next day, Wilbur takes their suitcases and stuffs them in their old Ford. They won’t stay there, just so they can go straight to Phils house when they’re all ready. Tallulah gets some homework for her flute, while Fundy signs up for some online code course.
”Dad? Since we’re leaving tomorrow, could we all watch a movie?” Tallulah asks, her hands behind her back.
”Of course Lula, go get Fundy while I get Papa.” Wilbur says softly, Tallulah nods and runs to her and Fundys shared room.
Wilbur walks into his and Quackitys room where he sees him sitting at his desk.
”Daaaarling~” Wilbur says, his voice drawling.
”Hm? Yeah Wil?” Quackity says, rubbing his eyes.
”Lula wants us all to watch a movie together.”
Quackity nods, when he stands he’s visibly tired. He wobbles a bit as he walks. “Quackity, you ok?” Wilbur asks.
”Hm? Yeah… Just tired.” Wilbur decides to hold Quackitys hand as they walk to the couch. He smells popcorn, most of the lights are off. Seems Tallulah wants this to be a good movie night. Fundy is sprawled across the couch in his sky blue pajamas. Wilbur pushes him off the couch.
”ACK! DAD!” Fundy yells before bursting into sleepy giggles. Wilbur sits on the couch, Quackity cuddles up to his side while Fundy lays his head on Wilburs lap. After a minute, Tallulah walks in with a big bowl of popcorn and a couple pickles. She sets the bowl and pickles on the coffee table before grabbing the remote.
”What do we watch?” Tallulah asks, curling up with Fundy.
They’re all silent before Wilbur pipes up, “What about Hamilton?” Tallulah and Fundy nod while Quackity rolls his eyes with a fond smile on his face.
Tallulah makes the best popcorn, the perfect amount of salt and butter! They all eat it up quickly and it’s out by only “Helpless” They move on to the pickles, the tangy sour is perfect after the buttery-salty goodness of the popcorn.
They’re all asleep by John Laurens death.
—————————Monday—————————
Wilbur wakes up to the alarm of his phone, time to go pick up Tommy!
He wakes up his family, getting them all to change their clothes. Wilbur and Quackity both put on graphic tees, Wilbur has a cat on his and Quackity has a dinosaur on his. Fundy has on overalls, a white shirt, and his big black Puma shoes that give him an extra two inches. Tallulah has on a maroon cat shirt, a cardigan, a skirt, some leggings, and black leather boots. (For some reason.)
The four piled into the Ford car and took the short drive to Phils home.
Wilbur knocks on the door and is met by Phil.
”Hey Wil! Let me go get Tommy, I’d get Techno to say hi, but he’s asleep.” Wilbur nods and his father walks back into the house and eventually comes back with Tommy.
”HELLO.” Tommy says in his classic “HELLO” voice.
”Hey Toms, ready to go? Quackity is putting everything into the van.”
”Ew, your weird husband.” Tommy stuck his tongue out and screwed up his face before running over to throw his heavy bags in the camper.
“Take my bags bell boy.” Tommy says to Quackity. Quackity rolls his eyes but still takes the bags and puts them in the camper.
Tommy goes inside the camper and sees Fundy and Tallulah. “Hi Tommy!” Tallulah says, Fundy waves to him.
“UNCLE Tommy to you!” Tommy corrects.
”Tommy, we’re literally older than you by one month.” Fundy says.
”Oh fuck you furry!” Tommy says, trying to rile Fundy up.
It works.
”OH, CAN IT TOMMY! I WAS LITERALLY BORN LIKE THIS! AND YOU’RE ONE TO TALK! YOU HAVE EARS AND A TAIL TOO!” Fundy yells at the top of his lungs. Tallulah walks over to Tommy and kicks him in the shin.
”SHIT. BLOODY HELL TALLULAH! WHAT THE FUCK!?” Tallulah goes and gives Fundy his fox stuffed animal Yogurt. “You guys are shit…” Tommy mumbles.
The three stare at each other for a bit before all of them start giggling. “Do you guys have any games with you?” Fundy nods, they had brought an IPad and the two Nintendo Switches. Tommy brought his DS and his Animal Crossing themed Switch.
”I brought two extra controllers by the way.” Says Fundy. “We can play Mario Kart, or Mario Party, Super Smash Bros, and Animal Crossing.” Tommy was practically vibrating with exitement. Suddenly, Wilbur and Quackity walk in.
”Ok small children, WE ARE LEAVING. DOES EVERYONE HAVE EVERYTHING THEY NEED?” Wilbur yells. Fundy and Tallulah nod, Tommy though realizes he forgot his phone and runs out.
Tommy comes back with his phone and a hoodie and bandana he decides he wants. He’s wearing jeans, a red and white hoodie, a green bandana, and decidedly no shoes. (He left them in the camper.) “Ok big men, I’m ready!” Wilbur nods and stands up.
”Ok, the ground rules. Number one: After eleven o’ clock, you go to sleep or at least be quiet. Number two: Me and Quackity will be taking shifts on driving, so when we’re going to sleep; let us sleep. Number three: We will be taking turns on who handles AUX, Tommy you cannot turn on your Penelope Scott playlist, she’s good. But not good enough to listen to for TWO HOURS STRAIGHT! Number four: If you forget your shit somewhere, to bad. We will NOT go back to find it. And finally, number five: I DON’T WANNA HEAR YOUR COMPLAINING. WE ARE PULLING THIS SHIT FOR YOU GUYS. THIS IS A LOT OF MONEY. DO NOT MAKE US FUCKING REGRET IT.”
Tommy, Fundy, and Tallulah all nod. Tommy is sad that he cannot play his Penelope Scott playlist, it’s actually three hours now. “Ok, I am going to be driving first. Fundy is on AUX. No Tommy, it’s not favoritism I used a random number generator.” Fundy bounces on his heels with excitement and shoots a smug glance at Tommy before running to his dad.
Fundy ends up choosing the “Be More Chill” soundtrack, Wilbur stares at Fundy all squinty eyed for a second due to one of the first things Jeremy does is wait for a porno to load but just sighs.
Tommy, Tallulah, Fundy, and Quackity decide to play Mario Party.
This goes just about as well as you’d expect.
”HAHA I GOT THE STAR!”
”WAIT QUACKITY NONONO DON’T YOU DARE TAKE MY STAR.”
”QUACKITY YOU FUCKING BITCH, YOU MOTHER FUCKER. OH SHUT THE HELL UP FUNDY YOU WRONGUN.”
Tommy yells a lot.
”NO NO NO NOT THE BOWSER SPOT PLEASE NO.”
”PAPA PLEASE DO NO NOT LAND ON THE BOWSER SPOT PLEASE.”
”AAAGH, NOT THIS ONE NO! I’M GONNA LOSE!”
”TALLULAH NO! AAAA-“
Fundy then proceeds to scream at the top of his lungs.
”HAHA! YES! I GOT THE STAR! I HAVE A BUNCH OF COINS! IM PERFECT! I CAN’T LOSE!”
”MORE COINS FOR ME! ALL FOR ME! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
”TOMMY, GIVE ME THOSE COINS! MY COINS! YAAAY!”
Tallulah is surprisingly greedy and capitalistic.
“¡TALLULÁH! ¡TOMMY! FUNDY! ¡NO! ¡BASTA POR FAVOR, POR TU PADRE! ¡ESO ES TODO! TOMMY, DAME OTRA ESTRELLA. AHORA MISMO. GRACIAS LEKITU, GRACIAS. AHORA, TALLULAH DEJA DE REÍR COMO EL VILLANO.”
Quackity speaks Spanish when he’s angry.
Tallulah ends up the winner… again
Finally, its Quackitys turn to drive.
It’s nine, so they decide to play Animal Crossing together while Wilbur sleeps, it’s Tommys turn with the AUX and he ends up turning on Bo Burnam.
Animal Crossing is one hell of a lot more calm than Mario Party.
When they wake up, they look out the window and see a large lodge with giant wolves at its front.
They’ve made it to their first destination.