Chapter Text
King,
Did you know? When I first saw you in that match during middle school, I already knew that I didn’t like you.
You were this talented bastard who didn’t use his skills the right way, someone good enough at volleyball to maybe someday go pro, but had the shitty attitude of a dictator, with no sense of teamwork whatsoever. When I saw you in Karasuno, I just knew you’d fuck it all up just like you did in middle school. Whatever hopes I had for this club – and there wasn’t even a lot in the first place – they were all gone the moment I saw you that night in the courtyard. I knew you’d be just as difficult, I knew you’d be a pain in my ass, the bane of my existence.
And I was right. But all for the wrong reasons. It’s funny. You see, King, I hate all this.
I hate your stupid eyes. The way they’re so intense when you’re focused on court, so infinitely blue. The way you look so earnest when speaking to the seniors, your eyes curious and eager to learn. The way you glare at me, and the way you got me so hooked on the feeling of having those eyes on me – that I’ve started acting so unlike myself, constantly egging you on just to get your stupid attention.
I hate those annoyingly well-maintained hands of yours. The way they burn and leave my skin tingling even at the slightest accidental touch. The way they’re calloused and rough from all your years of hard work, but soft to the touch and so incredibly warm. I hate that I dream of holding them all the time, that I wish I could walk around wherever and whenever with your hand tightly clasped in mine.
I hate your ugly-ass smile. Whether it’s that one when you’re trying too hard to be like Sugawara-san, or those that come out without you even realizing whenever you make a good play on court, or when you’re eating your favorite pork curry with egg.
The way both types of smiles cause my breath to hitch in my throat and my heart to skip a beat. I hate how you often pout with those dumb adorable lips of yours. I hate how I wish I could say you’re doing it on purpose so that I’d kiss you, but we all know I’m just a mere lowly peasant, and who am I for a King to do something like that for me?
I hate that I’m at the point where I feel so much things but I couldn’t say them out loud, so here I am, pathetically pouring my heart out through a letter you won’t even read, because it’s not like I’d let you. I hate that you’ve reduced me into this… this utter fool, this complete idiot, who fell for someone so out of my league, someone who would never ever see me the same way, someone who shouldn’t even be my type in the first place. I hate that it’s you of all people. That there are so many others out there, 7 billion in fact, and yet it happened to be you.
I hate the way that you are still as kingly as you were in middle school, and yet you didn’t fuck things up like I expected you to. If anything, you thrived. You made our team thrive. I hate that you’re one of those volleyball idiots who are way too obsessed with this sport for their own good, and yet, your passion is contagious. You make me want to work harder, to be better, to fly. I hate that you make me wish I was a better person, someone who deserves you, just so you’d look at me, just so I’d feel that I can have even the tiniest of chances with you.
But most of all, King… I hate how I feel for you. Because I know you won’t ever feel the same. But what am I to do? Even if I can only ever say it here on paper, I’m undeniably, desperately, in love with you.
If only you’d love me too.
Hopelessly yours,
Tsukishima